Wednesday, September 01, 2004

As a Superman-fan, I don't usually have much space to ridicule the proclivities of others.

But this Cuddle Party thing? If you're one of the lucky folks attending Cuddle Parties, I'm going to help you out here:

You are lame.

If you're that starved for attention and affection, get a cat. The cat may not even like you, but it will sit on you when it gets cold. Rolling around on the floor with total strangers while you're in your jammies shows only that your mommy did not hold you enough as a child.

Seriously, this is the lamest thing I've ever heard of. It's right up there with Furries.

A special section for the ladies:

The men are lying to you. They do not just want simple platonic affection. This Cuddle Party idea has been concocted by the same team of evil geniuses who taught you it's okay to wear only a sports-bra while jogging, and that the Beach Volleyball team would perform better in bikinis.

Remember that dude from Rain's Cuddle Party two weeks back? He was laying next to you in the Cookie Monster shirt? he was kind of funny and silly, but sort of weird, but it was okay because it's just a cuddle party..?

He's imagining you naked even now.

He is. I'm sorry. All we can do is hope to distract him next time

This time next year, the Cuddle Parties are going to have turned into big Ecstacy-fueled Roman orgies, and all of the people looking to crawl into their jammies and roll around on the floor with complete strangers (while still pretending this is actually sanitary) are going to be wondering what happened.

Get a cat. They're easy to adopt at the ASPCA. They even poop in a box so they're easy to clean up after.

If that fails, try dating.

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