Saturday, December 31, 2005 HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYBUDDY!!!
Wow, did 2005 suck. Hurricanes. Tsunami after-effects. Political scandal. War. No Hot Tamales at the Gilbert WTC. Multiple hospital stays for Jamie. Cancellation of Arrested Development.
Yeah, you know what... @#$% you, 2005.
Anyway, Happy New Year, Loyal Leaguers.
And now...
The League of Melbotis 2005 Person of the Year
We name this person Person of the Year with some trepidation as we recently learned that Jim D's own mother reads this site from time to time. Mrs. D, I gotta ask that you forgive me for this one, but it was already in the works.
Without further ado, The League of Melbotis presents our first Person of the Year.
Congratulations, Grandmaster Tu Jin-Sheng. You are 2005's selection for Person of the Year.
Grandmaster Tu Jin-Sheng, well... I feel really awkward with Mrs. D reading this, but... you know... Anyway, he pulled a truck across a parking lot using his penis as an anchor.
That makes him not just Person of the Year, but, in fact, MAN of the year.
TV Shows I watched regularly in 2005: The Daily Show Colbert Report Headline News (oh, Linda Stouffer, you dreamy eyed babe of the half-hour news..! ) Arrested Development Family Guy The Soup Monster House Justice League Unlimited The Office (US Edition) the aforementioned Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, which I'm not sure I care for and Suns Basketball
TV Shows of Note that I caught Only Occasionally: Wonder Showzen American Experience City Confidential My Name is Earl Smallville Comedians of Comedy Boondocks
TV Shows I still will not watch for no other reason than because people keep telling me to watch them: The Apprentice (both Donald and Martha) West Wing Battlestar Galactica Entourage Boston Legal Sopranos (in fact, anything on HBO...) Commander in Chief
Special Mention: Lost. I do watch Lost, but it's because I love my wife dearly and she asks me to sit with her each week to watch the show.
Movie I've watched more times on cable this year than I really want to admit: Napolean Dynamite
Movies I meant to see, but I didn't, so I hope they come to cable: Good Night and Good Luck Syriana Jesus is Magic MirrorMask Munich The Producers A History of Violence (funny story, that...) 2046
Movies I saw which I thought were okay, but not great: March of the Penguins (do none of you people watch Discovery Channel? Actually, Discovery would have inserted some science in there somewhere, not just wide-eyed wonder) Madagascar (what was the moral? Try not to eat your friends? Thanks.) The Constant Gardner. It wasn't bad, it was just so relentlessly depressing, I wasn't really sure why I was sitting there after the first hour.
Movie I followed until literally the last scene:
Memoirs of a Geisha. I had to ask Jamie, who'd read the book, what just happened there in the last scene before the credits rolled.
Times I had to tell someone to shut up in a movie this year:
At least twice. Star Wars I had to tell someone to hang up their phone during the Kenobi/ Anakin duel. King Kong, where I walked all the way across the theater to ask some kids to shut up. It seems like it happened another time, but it's not coming to me.
Album Cover of the Year: Kanye West: Late Registration
I've heard only part of one song off of this album, but I know one thing: George Bush doesn't care about teddy bears
Comic Cover of the Year:
All-Star Superman #1
Recommended Collection of 2005 (non-continuity/ affordable):
Recommended Series/ Collections of 2005 (continuity/ affordable)
Well, probably Infinite Crisis, but a special nod to Adventures of Superman by Greg Rucka. Includes collections Unconventional Warfare, That Healing Touch, and issues 640-648
Recommended Collection of 2005 (continuity/ not as affordable)
Absolutely heart-breaking. The controversy surrounding the scenes in issue #2 in a monthly format did this series a disservice that should have been foreseen and avoided. We can save the debate of that choice for later.
As a single read, the series works significantly better, and has the feel of a book rather than episodic, issue driven plot points. Definitely worth a review. And definitely not the comfort food provided by so many DC comics.
Well, that's it for Part II. I'm pooped. If anyone has any suggestions for additional categories, let me know and we may see a part III.
Sunday, December 25, 2005 The League (with Special Guest: Steanso) Taste Tests the Jones Soda Holiday Collection
The League is usually full of bad ideas, and, upon occasion, bad ideas that affect other people. Part of the new and improved Steans/ McBride gift exchange is the placement of "Santor" gifts under the tree.
This year, in addition to an unopened Richard Marx album which had been following The League around since 1996, Santor also gifted the visiting Steanso with the Jones Soda Holiday Collection. Apparently we got the National release vs. the regional release. In either case, I am fairly certain the results would have been similar.
Jeff the Cat takes a look at the collection.
Steanso carefully considers the journey upon which we are about to embark.
The collection includes five Holiday Dinner flavors, a spork and a moist towlette. We took a wee wiff of each flavor before beginning the taste test.
Brussel Sprouts.
Turkey & Gravy
Wild Herb Stuffing
Pumpkin Pie
Cranberry. Which we spilled all over the counter and floor. It's okay. It's a taste test, not a "let's drink the whole bottle test." We used to have those, but it didn't involve soda. We called that "college."
Allrighty. Each of the Bros. Steans got a tiny, holiday and/ or animal themed cup with a tatse of the soda, plus some ice to keep it chilly.
The League hates Brussel Sprouts more than we hate Candian Baby-Eaters, but we also brought this upon ourselves, so it's up to us to go forward and take the first drink. At this point, the smell was already getting to me, and I wanted to call an abort on the whole plan. Unfortunately, the Bros. Steans are really good at egging each other on into unknown and foolish territory.
We had picked Brussel Sprouts first, knowing it had, by far, the foulest smell, and we might as well get it out of the way.
If evil has a taste, it's Brussel Sprout soda. Mother of Christ. Every animal instinct in my body kicked in, fight or flight alarms going off in my head. I almost vomited, even with just the tiniest taste of Brussel Sprout Soda in my mouth.
Luckily, Jamie was on hand with a canister of Tic-tacs.
At this point I beg for an abort and to discontinue the process, but Steanso is having none of it.
Steanso takes a sip. Unfortunately, the reaction shot here isn't really captured. I believe his exact words were "Jesus Christ (Bleep)".
He also had a Tic-Tac.
Steanso was up at bat and went for the Turkey and Gravy Soda.
Don't be fooled. It's not a smile. That's the same look Steanso gets when he's about to stand up and punch you in the mouth. You can't punch Turkey & Gravy Soda in the mouth. Notice, he's sweating. His fight or flight instincts have also kicked in.
The League also finds Turkey & Gravy soda unpleasant, but after Brussel Sprout soda, T&G tastes like a fine wine. It really has little taste at all, for which, in this case, we're eternally grateful.
Next up, Wild Herb Stuffing. We LOVE herb stuffing. Just not so much in soda form. It doesn't really smell like much of anything, but the color is that of a day-old colostomy bag. Nothing good can come of this. But, when we're done, we have only two more sodas left, and they're desert sodas. So, bottoms up.
Ughhhh... not good. And now my stomach is hurting from tasting bad things. We don't want to ever eat anything ever again.
Pumpkin Pie! Mmm-mmm! Steanso takes a sip, hoping for the smooth flavor of Mom's pumpkin pie. He is non-plussed and a bit repulsed.
The League almost throws up again. Pumpkin-pie is delicious. I have no idea what those bastards at Jones Soda were up to, but this ain't pumpkin. I spit and spit, feeling my stomach trying to squeeze out the poison which isn't even there.
This one was a surprise. I had expected it to be sort of okay, but instead it was like getting kicked in the crotch by your favorite aunt.
Last soda! Cranberry! Or, more accurate, gelatin cranberry sauce artificial flavoring! Steanso gives the "sign of the devil" as he prepares to take his final sip.
Delicious? Well, it didn't cause wretching.
It smells like cranberry juice cocktail, which The League likes a lot.
It doesn't not taste like cranberries, but our stomach is full of glass shards, our mouth is going numb and, if we were alone right now, we'd probably sit in the corner, rocking and crying ourself to sleep.
All in all, a Christmas Day miracle.
What you can't tell here is that I'm angry. I'm not really sure why, but it's that same sort of angry you get when you've just been through something pretty awful, like almost getting hit by a car, and you're just pissed. That's how I felt pretty much until I went to bed.
A novelty soda is a novelty soda, and The League had to learn this the hard way. Steanso deserves a gold star for putting up with this taste test, let alone partaking.
****UPDATE****
After reviewing the Taste Test post, Jamie asked if I would do this over again knowing what I know now.
I want to say "Of course!", but I'm gonna be honest with you... I wouldn't voluntarily drink any of these things again. Did I learn anything? No. My sense of smell forewarned me, my sense of taste confirmed it. My lizard brain knew enough not to drink this piss, and I went ahead and did it anyway. Sometimes you should really go with your gut.
9:27 PM |
In case you missed it, The League has posted several links for you to peruse.
Apophis, a gigantic meteor, will probably destroy the earth in 2036. I'm cancelling my IRA now. Read more here.
Superman entertains little kids in Germany. You don't see Batman doing that, now do you?
Metropolis, Illinois is erecting a statue in honor of Noel Neill, First Lady of Metropolis.
A trailer for a movie I can't believe actually got made for many reasons.
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