Monday, March 01, 2004

Watched the Oscars on and off last night. Billy Crystal still annoys me, and he had nothing to say about Seabiscuit except how Pete Rose likes to gamble? Given, i never saw Seabiscuit (movies about horses running in circles tend not to draw me out), but it WAS up for Best Picture. Surely he could admit he never saw the movie, too.

Was absolutely stunned Lord of the Rings made the sweep it did. At one point Star Wars was up for Best Picture. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

I never saw most the movies nominated. I never saw:

House of Sand and Fog
Mystic River
Seabiscuit
Cold Mountain
The Cooler
21 Grams
Thirteen
Pieces of April
Whale Rider
In America
City of God
The Barbarian Invasions

You know what? I did see "Broken Lizard's Club Dread" this weekend. And I'm sorry I did. Wow. Was that not good.

I could blame Tempe/ Chandler for not carrying the Oscar contenders at the megaplex, but they do carry them at the Madstone theater out by Jamie's office. I guess I just have a hard time telling what's worth seeing and what's not anymore.

I COULD go to see every movie ever produced so i could up my hip factor and have good cocktail party conversations. And I'm not suggesting that the movies on my list of "didn't see's" are bad movies. I'm just saying, when I walk into a store, I don't buy every towel they have so I can find the fluffiest towel. Nor do I go to the expensive linen store to find the "best" towel. I just buy a towel that's the right size, shape and color. Occasionally i realize this towel isn't absorbent enough, or it chafes, so i need to try another one.

Anyway, that's a crummy analogy, but hopefully it gets the point across. I used to be a 2 movie a week guy. In the theater. With a box of candy and a coke everytime. Now it's once every month, maybe less. Funny how things change.

Speaking of movies, Jim D. is fretting over the latest draft of his screenplay. He's sent it into Project Greenlight, but it looks like Project Greenlight is targeting a horror/ thriller this go-round. Best of luck to Jim. I've read the screenplay. It's very good. It is not, however, a horror movie nor an Ashley Judd vehicle.

Jim has suggested his pal Alistair might direct this film. If this is true, I foresee Jim becoming Hollywood's next Joe Eszterhas, only without all the cocaine and hookers.

I wrote a screenplay once. It was in the neighborhood of 120 pages and the characters said the "F-Word" a lot. other than that, it's best redeeming quality was that it was also recyclable.

I've been watching a LOT of Spongebob Squarepants lately. If you haven't seen this show yet, give it a shot. I am getting on the gravy train very, very late as it is, but I like me the Spongebob.

Anyhoo, going to Houston for 4 days. It's Mummsy's birthday and she's still recuperating from her surgery. So I will be flying out Friday and returning Monday. It's going to be a hot time in Spring, Texas.

Friday, February 27, 2004

The League generally steers clear of sex, religion or politics. This is editorial policy. And woe be to the poor writer who must fall under this policy or who tries to buck the editorial board which holds the League in it's infernal grasp.

Hence, the League has spiralled into a soup of comic info nobody cares about, rambling stories about couches, letters answered by the League's namesake, and a lot of other "play it safe" sort of tidbits. Looking at The League these days, I can't imagine that as an outsider, I would be remotely interested in ANY of this content. It's ridiculous. We don't even give regular Melbotis updates anymore, kind of nullifying the whole point behind the League.

But the League got tired of hurt feelings and political debate, and so the League decided it was going to quit messing around with anything remotely political, religious or sexual in nature.

I think we started out good. We had some good bits, but it's become a real routine, and the content is definitely suffering. Especially under workload and going to school (because I try not to talk to much about either within these pixels).

So as of today, the League is going on hiatus (but NOT blogicidal) until THe LEague has a meeting with the editorial board and can figure out some new ground rules which will keep The LEague from becoming the Highlights for Children of the blogger set. (oh, Goofus! Why can't you be more like Gallant?)

Anyhow, don't be alarmed if there are limited posts for a while.
Justice League will become Justice League Unlimited in Season 3.



Thursday, February 26, 2004

I FEEL GREAT!!!!!
Worlds collide as the NBA teams up with Kids WB! action star Static.

I actually really like the Static Shock cartoon. I never read the comics when the Milestone line was released back around 1990. There was a deluge of new material coming out then, and at the time, all I read was some Sandman, Hellblazer and Batman. The Milestone comics were geared toward a black audience, featuring mostly black cast members with traditional super powers. Aside from that, i can't say much. I do remember picking up Static and liking the art, but saving my pennies for some crucial turn of events for Swamp Thing or somebody who I was more familiar with.

(little note to folks not collecting comics: picking up issue #1 of anything was once fashionable for comic readers to do. This could lead very quickly to burnout on "origin" stories as there are ALWAYS #1's being printed. This is also why so few new comics survive in the marketplace.)

The Milestone line died somewhat prematurely, without ever exploring the possibility for merging into a core Universe, like the DCU.

The Static Shock! cartoon came on Kids WB! (lots of exclamation points when you're aimed at kids) a little while after the cancellation of the comic. And while eating my Grape Nuts on Saturday morning, i began to tune in.

The cartoon is about a kid who gains fantastic powers centering around electricity. At the same time he gained his powers from a mysterious explosion (at the heart of Dakota City), many other gained powers as well. Static is supposedly the only one who happens to be using his powers for good. Hurray!

The show has guest starred many real-life folks, including Shaquille Oneal. It appears in this episode that Static is teaming up with several super powered NBA players, including Karl Malone and Yao Ming.

In a nutshell, here's the episode:

Together, these four form the leading members of the secret organization known as the National Biotech Authority, dedicated to preserving world peace and stability. In the episode they join forces with Static to help defeat the evil Doctor Odium, who's created a frightening new device to dominate the world.

Anyway, sounds not unlike when the Harlem Globetrotters helped Shag and Scoob solve the mystery of the creepy mansion.

I saw Yao Ming play in December. If he's fighting crime in his off-court time, it may explain why he didn't appear to have the energy to pull down anything off the boards.
Are they just now tuning in? I'd be very curious to see what, exactly, Stern did that he hasn't done every single day for decades.

I never guessed Janet Jackson's nipple would have such a profound effect.

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

Denby writes:

Dear Mel,

How do you feel about cloning?

-Laura


Denby clarifies with:

Mel,

How do you feel about cloning; specifically gay republicans?

-Laura


Dear Laura,

Mel not sure why Mel opinion sought on such complicated issue, but Mel try anyway.

Mel not very clear on concept of cloning. Also, Mel not real clear on gay. Or Republican. Or biggest mystery of all: gay Republican.

Mel know only that cloning mean more people. And more people mean that more people might pet Mel on Mel's head, and that cannot be all bad. Do gay Republican pet doggies? mel genuinely hope so. So mel highly in favor of cloning gay Republican if they have treat or take Mel to park so Mel can run and bark and they can pick up Mel-poo.

Mel fairly certain if world full of gay Republican, world would be better place.
Randy writes:

Dear Mel,

Are you a Democrat or Republican? What's your stance on gay marriages?
Do
you think Kerry/Edwards/Sharpton has a snowball's chance in hell to
beat
Bush? Also, what's next week's lucky lotto numbers?


Thanks for your time,

Randy


Dear Randy,

Mel live in house where Mel get little say in matter. Often, Mel tries to see if he can have milkbone a it early because mel still hungry. So Mel look at man on couch and man look back at Mel and say "Oh, you're starving to death." and Mel say "yes!" but still no milkbone come. So Mel suspect that it not matter really what Mel think. Mel not going to get milkbone anyway. Mel clearly live in slave labor state, so is like asking if he labor or conservative party.

Mel not to sure about gay marriage. Mel only know marriage mostly involve debate over where to go for supper and a lot of rolling eyeball at one another. So if two men or two lady want to do that, good for them. Mel like to eat all alone. otherwise, Mel feel threatened and have to growl and eat at same time.

Mel still stand behind nice Sharpton man in bid for presidency. Sharpton man look like he might give Mel extra treat and pet Mel on head. Kerry man look like man who walk by and pretend not to see Mel. Mel think that dumb and so barkbarkbark at kerry man. He dumb. Edwards man is confusing to Mel. he seem like he might pet Mel, but not give Mel extra treat. mel used to live few miles from George Bush and he never come by. Mel say "Hey, dumb Bush man, come give Mel treat," but it do no good. Mel think that all things be equal, if Sharpton give everyone extra treat, then maybe he win.

Next week lucky lotto number are 1 and 2. That as high as Mel care to count. After two, mel lose track.
By the way Leaguers...

It turns out that if you accidentally let Tartar Control Listerine go down the wrong pipe, you will still be coughing more than 12 hours later. My co-worker speculates that I lightly damaged my lungs. HURRAY!!!!!!
The Onion presents us with this:

Transformer Refuses To Change Back Into Volkswagen
CYBOTRON—Following an intense battle with Megatron and his evil Decepticons Monday, former robot-in-disguise Bumblebee refused to revert to his natural state as a yellow Volkswagen Beetle. "I hid my existence in this world by taking the form of a vehicle! I revealed my true nature when I was called upon to protect earth!" said Bumblebee, a member of Optimus Prime's heroic Autobots force. "I refuse to change back into a humiliating bubble-shaped compact car!" Bumblebee added that Megatron arrived on earth with one goal: Destruction!

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

because America loves an underdog....

God bless you, Will Hung.

But for the Grace of God, there go I....
My brother, Defense Attorney and former philosophy major writes:

Dear Mel,

Are people innately good, sometimes making mistakes, or are they innately evil, acting like they are good only in order to get what they want?

jason


Dear Jason,

Mel have met many, many people. Maybe as many people as Mel have toes, and mel usually get petted on head by people and sometime they give Mel treat. In old house, Mel notice many little people who walk by house going one way in morning, going other way in evening. Little people would shout at Mel and bang on fence and so Mel know these people are evil because they not pet Mel or give him treat. But taller people who walk by give Mel pet or wave at Mel and say "hello, doggy!" so mel run up and down fence and say bark bark bark bark.
Also, mel not sure if people act to get what they want as people never want anything from Mel. But Mel know truck is eveil as truck want garbage and steal it every week no matter how much mel bark bark bark.
The saga of the couch continues as Jamie takes exception to how events were related (as she frequently does).

Jamie writes:

Dear Melbotis,

I would like to take the time to call bullshit on a particular part of the Tale of the Couch. In particular, the part where the League claims he was concerned about what would happen if we kept the leather loaner sofa:

"Knowing we had a cleared check and a new sofa en route, I took a moment to pause. "What are we going to do with the interim sofa?" I asked Jamie.
And we considered our many options, but what I DID NOT want to happen was for us to be tracked down in a year when we'd given the sofa away and were unable to retrieve the thing. Nor could we let them know we had it until we had received the new sofa.
Which arrived two weeks ahead of schedule on Friday.
"We need to return the interim sofa."
"I don't think they know we have it."
"We need to return it."
"Look, you take care of it."

I believe the conversation went a little more like:

The League: "Wow, they have no idea we have their couch. I am totally going to sell this to Juli for like 400 bucks."
Mrs. League: "I don't know if I'm comfortable with that, hon. It isn't our couch and I have this sinking feeling that if we do that, they're going to be taking inventory some day and come after us."
The League: "They will never remember we have this. Come on, be cool, baby."
Mrs. League: "I just can't do it. I'll be having constant nightmares about anthropomorphic leather couches."
The League: "Fine, but you have to deal with it."

Thanks for listening, Melbotis. You can go back to chewing on pig-head now.


Dear Jamie,

Mel not sure of exactly what happen, but Mel suspect you probably are wrong. Mel believe it went more like this:

The League: Dammit woman! We have to do what is right!
Mrs. League: I am so lazy, I can barely talk.
The League: Jamie, get off the couch so I can return it.
Mrs. League: No. Although I agree the couch is not suitable for this room or our tastes, I am sooooooo lazy, I plan to just lay here so we can't get rid of the couch. besides, we could probably sell this couch to a struggling immigrant family at an incredibly inflated price, thus taking all of their hard earned money and depriving them of a chance at the American Dream. Bwah-ha-ha-ha!
The LEague: I cannot stand idly by and allow you to continue to abuse immigrants! We're returning that couch, and you're going to call the Roomstore yourself!
Mrs. League: In the light of your unwavering righteous wisdom, I see the error of my ways. I shall call the Roomstore.
The League: I'm so proud of you and love you so much. Right, Melbotis?
Melbotis: Right, Ryan!
All Together: Ha ha ha ha ha...
(and... scene)

So, you see, Jamie. mel say there are many ways to perceive the events and how they happened. mel sad that your perception is so tragically incorrect.

Monday, February 23, 2004

Jack Kirby is now ten years gone. All Hail the King.
Slow weekend.

This is what happens when you actualloy buy a house in the suburbs, Leaguers. I spent Saturday replacing a sprinkler head on our automated sprinkler system. It turned out to very inexpensive and fairly quick to do. Then, we went to Arizona Cactus and got several plants for the yard, then some soil and planted those. It's raining like a bastard today, so i am curious to see if we'll still have cacti when i get home, or if they'll all have flooded away.

And now is as good a time as any to relate The Tale of the Couch (or: Be Careful When Purchasing a Sectional Sofa).

Last August, Jamie and I decided it was time to get a new sofa. The sofa we had was purchased immediately after college with little funding behind it, and the wear of two unweildy Steans men and a chubby dog had ground the thing into uselessness.

We also had family coming for Thanksgiving, so we decided we should replace the sofa sooner rather than later.

Jamie and I also have a steadfast rule: Our house is not intended to impress other people, it's there to entertain us. And as such, we began to also consider what Jamie might like best. And if Jamie likes one thing, it's getting a little shut-eye. So, while wandering around one furniture store, we said to ourselves "Ah-HA!!!! We shall get two parts of a sectional. One part shall be a two-cushion section, and the other shall be a lounge, so that Jamie may lay down all the time!"

We looked high and we looked low for a new sofa, trying not to travel all over the Valley of the Sun to select one, but making sure we'd given it a good shot. We have a smallish space for a sofa to fit in, and we also knew the sofa would not sit against a wall in the room it was intended for. Jamie and I seemed to be drifting toward a bold, solid color as we looked at our options. There's a whole world of variations on a theme of beige when one looks for a sofa.

At long last, we ended up at Basset furniture. Basset makes custom furniture based upon a wide array of designs and fabric selections. We found just about exactly what we were looking for, got through the process and paid a small deposit on what was to be a fairly expensive piece of furniture. We wnet home knowing that in about 6 weeks, we'd have our furniture.

7 weeks passed and I called Basset. I was told one part of the sectional had arrived, and they were awaiting the secodn part. It should be in within two weeks.

Two weeks later I called and was told that the second piece had not arrived, and could I wait two weeks?

The process more or less repeated itself, and I asked to speak with a manager. "He's not available. Can he call you back?"

"Sure."

Nobody called.

And then THIS process repeated itself.

Finally we reached about a week before Thanksgiving, and I still had no new sofa. So I drove down to the store (which, just by point of explanation, is about halfway across town). I asked for the manager by name, and upon seeing me, he pretty much freaked out. "We have half of your sectional."
"I know that."
"But there was a mix-up, and they sent the wrong piece for the other half."
"How long have you known that?"
It urned out they'd known that for a LONG time, but someohow had not fixed the error in their system. So basically the order was coming up in their computers as "completed," but, in fact, was not. I was assured that they would correct the situation.
Two interesting things happened while I was there. Apparently everyone at Basset knew who I was from my frequent calling. Steve the mqnager said "this is Mr. Steans," and they would say "Ohhhh, Mr. Steeeans." And then I heard some guy, who did NOT know who i was decribing a situation similar to mine and talking about what a chump the customer was. It was then pointed out I was Mr. Steans, and the guy got kind of quiet.
Steve the Manager told me that I would get several hundred dollars taken off the price of the sofa if I didn't ask for my money back at this moment, and, as a bonus, I'd get a loaner sofa for the interim.
It sounded good. If I were patient, I'd get the sofa I wanted for cheap, and I'd get a nice, leather sofa for the interim, and a nice little story about the sectional when it did show up.
The interim sofa showed up as promised. No problems there. We had the interim sofa by THanksgiving, and I gave the old sofa to a poor student in need of a place to sit.
But then things got quiet from Basset.
I called again.
"Where's my sectional?"
And I got the same old story from them "Well, it looks like you got a piece of it in the warehouse, and they're waiting ona second piece..."
"Can i talk to Steve, your manager?"
On hold.
"He's not available."
So given some time off right between Christmas and the New Year, I went down to Basset to figure out what the story was.
I pulled into the lot, and the sign was gone. Basset had closed it's doors. And they had a few hundred of my bucks.
I freaked out. BUT...
there was a sheet of paper taped to the window of the Basset store. It directed all inquires to THe Roomstore which sat next door.
I wandered in and asked what was going on. They were able to track my paperwork after a while. it turned out Basset was financially attached to The Roomstore, and The Roomstore now was supposed to take care of my business for me.
It says here we got in one piece of the sectional..." the girl read from the screen.
"Okay..." I sighed, rubbing my eyes. "I want my money back."
THey promised a refund of my deposit. I was happy. I was curious that they didn't ask about the interim sofa, but whatever.
Jamie and I went in search of a new couch, and upon visiting a different store, found one immediately. We ordered it, and off we went.
"You ordered a new sofa?" people asked me, incredulous that I would take such a dare again.
"Well," I would nod, "I do need a place to sit."
"You have that other sofa."
"I don't like the other sofa."
"I can't believe you're willing to take that chance again."
Well, people, there are millions of sofas safely delivered each year. I figured we could take our chances on this one actually arriving.
But my re-imbursement check didn't arrive.
"Did you wait 7-10 days sir?"
"Uhm. It's been like 7."
"It could be there in 10 days."
So I waited.
And it didn't show.
So i called again.
"Oh God," said the girl on the other end of the phone. "They never even started your paerwork to get the check. Hold on."
I waited, staring into the image of the firey abyss I imagined the whole shopping center becoming.
"Sir," she chirped. "I've begun your paperwork. You can expect your check in 7-10 days."
"Okay..." I said, imagining the whole strip center an inferno.
But then... the check came. And it even cleared.
Knowing we had a cleared check and a new sofa en route, I took a moment to pause. "What are we going to do with the interim sofa?" I asked Jamie.
And we considered our many options, but what I DID NOT want to happen was for us to be tracked down in a year when we'd given the sofa away and were unable to retrieve the thing. Nor could we let them know we had it until we had received the new sofa.
Which arrived two weeks ahead of schedule on Friday.
"We need to return the interim sofa."
"I don't think they know we have it."
"We need to return it."
"Look, you take care of it."
So Jamie called, and The Roomstore came within 24 hours to actually come and retrieve their own sofa. "You have MERCHANDISE?" Apparently the girl was horrified to find this out. Apparently they had no record of the interim couch and we could have kept it for all eternity.
So we have the new couch. It's big and blue and has seats for more than two. I'm pretty pleased with the darn thing. I just wish we'd gone to Stone Creek Furniture to begin with. I also found out I CAN be patient and not turn into a weepy mess when confronted wiht an irritating but non-life-threatening annoyance.

Friday, February 20, 2004

In my post below about Survivor, I failed to mention the program which actually met and surpassed my expectations. But because it's PBS, there's no game, just an experiment.

THe show was Frontier House and I watched it the first time in the Spring of 2002. They've had other shows in the series. Manor House was a favorite of mine. But just don't be surprised when there's no contests and no immunity challenges. No prizes at the end. Just folks playing roles as assigned.

The idea of Frontier House was to take three families from different walks of life and see what life might have been like in the summer of 1883 in the wilds of Montana. There's still drama and conniving. The family from Malibu can't seem to get their heads around how NOT to muck with the experiment by trading with the one modern family in walking distance, the middle-class folks form the South do fairly well, but the family has a difficult time holding it together, and the young couple has their own fair share of adjustments to make (not the least of their dissatisfaction at having to end the experiment).

Nobody walks away with an Aztek, and nobody gets $1 million. But it's interesting to watch, and a genuine test of mettle. If any of the shows in the series come on PBS, they're certainly worth checking out.

I'll be honest. I never cared much for Survivor.

The initial ads had me upbeat. I was misled to believe it was a program about fat Americans dumped onto an uncharted island and forced to survive and outlast one another, which proved partially true. I expected Lord of the Flies style warfare and a chance to see if people can really work together or if they really are doomed to destory one another. A tiny microcosm on CBS.

What I hadn't anticipated were all of the immunity challenges,voting one another off, etc... I expected to genuinely watch people crumble as they sat back and tried to decide whether they had strength of will to outlast the others in their wretched condition, or whether that Lay-Z-Boy at home suddenly seemed like a much better idea.

Survivor has t's own rules and has games, and alliances and all this other stuff. But to me, the fun would have come out of seeing if fat Americans could have really learned to live off the land.

I mean, at one point, this was humanity's natural state, standing around trying to figure out how to survive. There was no host to force a vote off the island. There were no games, etc... and certainly the idea of "immunity" when people really wanted to nail you was next to inconceivable. I am glad that viewers seem to recognize THIS IS A GAME. Already in season 2, I am led to believe, people talked about strategies and alliances and knew how to play the game.

And so, instead of being totally disappointed, at least I can say "well, both fans and contestants take it for what it is."

What I find infinitely more interesting are Dedman's recaps of Survivor. Short, to the point, and none of the annoying "oh look, I got a digereedoo" music. Also, Dedman's recaps do not insert "meaningful" glances every time someone makes a statement.

Before I go and make everyone think I've got a swelled head about game shows on TV, I will mention that I watched "The Littlest Groom" on Fox. And it was boring. Horribly, horribly boring. Until the last five minutes, anyway, when it turned darkly evil. I suppose people assume Little People must have magical powers which will make them innately interesting, but, I guess to the producer's surprise, take away the Little, and you have People. And not terribly fascinating people at that. But, luckily it only runs for two episodes, so I can tune in for the last five minutes on Monday and see how this fiasco winds up.

I, myself, am also awaiting the return of Man Vs. Beast on Fox. There's nothing more humbling than watching the world hotdog eating champ get his ass handed to him by a GRIZZLY BEAR!!!!!

As a side note, the Saga of the Couch is drawing to a close. When it is completed, I shall detail it herein.


Thursday, February 19, 2004

I was planning on writing something very similar when i found the time, but thankfully, The Onion has once again saved me the trouble.

God bless my parents for only occasionally asking how I would use an RTF degree.
The League does not often travel abroad. In fact, The League has been confined to the golden shores of North America for more than 28 years. Mrs. League has been just about everywhere, but her dreams of travel ended the day she hooked up with an RTF major with no chance of disposable income.

But one of the outside benefits of working at a university is that you meet people from all over the world who come in pursuit of the knowledge your particular institution has to offer.

And so it was that I was asked to drop off some translation equipment for 25-odd Chinese visitors last night. Essentially, the equipment consisted of one microphone and broadcast device (with a single on/off switch) and 22+ headsets and receivers (with a single on/ volume dial).

"And we need them there by 5:15," said the boss.
"So I can actually leave by 5:15? I haven't done that since before the holidays."
"(The Dean of something or other) will be there. Give them to her. She's translating for the Dean." Because Dean (we'll call her Lee) speaks Mandarin. I guess.
So I was walking out the door with co-worker Eric P., and suddenly I had a flashback to my tech-monkey job in Austin.
"Oh, God. She's going to get nervous when she sees all the black wire."
"You think?"
"I'm never getting out of there."
Apparently the business school was hosting a dinner for several visitors from a Chinese partner of Motorola, and this was a big dinner to honor their arrival or something. I know only a few things. Among these is the fact that I know next to nothing about Chinese language, culture or custom.
So I got there and laid out the devices on the windowsill so they could easily be picked up. Dean Lee was not yet there to drop any bombshells. I turned around, and all 5'1" of her was standing behind me.
"So you're going to stay and help with these?"
"Ah, no. I'm just here to drop them off."
"They look complicated. How do they work?"
"There's just one button. Very simple."
"They look very complicated. I think you should stay."
I watch as several trays of food come in, and I realize I'm running out of time to escape.
"There's just one switch. You'll be fine," I say reassuringly.
"So you're here in place of Jeff?"
And I realize that my boss was supposed to be here. THat he has DUPED me into taking the hit for him.
"I think you should stay."
"Oh." I say. "Okay."
I stand around for another minute, staring into space and trying to become one with the woodwork.
"You need to get a bartender in here" a woman is telling me.
"Excuse me?"
"You need to get a bartender in here. There's nobody to serve drinks."
"Look," I can here myself saying, and I realize I'm kind of pissed. "I don't work here. I work for Dean Lee."
You see, I've been a tech-monkey. I ran wire and cable and captured video all silently and without being noticed for many, many years. And as such, people always assume that you are a part of the great inner-workings of the building you're in. They always assume you can do things like, say, pull a bartender out of your ass. I have nothing against bartenders. At events like this, they're usually the only decent person in the room. But I was also wearing a shirt which read "School of Engineering" across it, so I'm not really sure why I was confused with the University Club staff.
The lady looked at me for a moment, and horror crept into her eyes.
Universities are incredibly stratified. She had just identified me with the serving folks, and I was part of the Dean's staff. Suddenly, despite my haggard and irritated persona so typical of the serving folk, I was a guy who could tell the Dean that this lady is an idiot. And that, my friends, can be incredibly awkward. A single misstep can effect the way in which you are able to engage whole units for years.
In that same instant i realized I was no longer part of the serving staff and endless sea of tech monkeys which keep the university running. I am THE MANAGER OF DISTANCE LEARNING, AND PITY BE TO THOSE WHO FALL IN MY PATH. But all of that posturing didn't mean that I didn't have to stick around.
At this point, all the Chinese businessmen filed in, and too late I remembered: Chinese businessmen have a very distinct ritual of handing out business cards. You face the receiver squarely, and with two hands and a bit of supplication, you present the card.
"I have no card," I whispered to the Dean.
"Ooooookkkaaaaaayyyy," she said between clenched teeth. Ah, career suicide! Dean Lee was now seeing me for a boob, sent to replace Jeff and having no business cards! Bloody hell, the Chinese businessmen could see this as a slight, or something, i guessed, and none of them knew that until ten minutes before I was to drop off the receivers and bolt. going home early to see my wife in daylight for the first time in a week.
I was presented with one card. Dean Lee quickly explained I had no cards to our visitor, and I assume disaster was averted.
"Sit down and have some dinner," said the Dean.
"I should probably stick by the equipment."
"Sit down," said the Dean.
Unsolicited, one of the Chinese businessmen brought me a Budweiser. Now, when working for the University, one does not drink, swear or pass gas before their superior. It's actually pretty strict in the rules about drinking, and frankly, I don't know Dean Lee well enough to guess whether or not she drinks. So I smiled, took the beer appreciatively, and wondered why the University Club's best beer is Budweiser.
After a moment, i realized I had just dodged a bullet. One, i had considered turning the beer down, but took it anyway. Two, upon taking beer, I had denied myself my usual inclination to drink straight from the bottle. I guess I spent too long in Texas. Anyway, everyone was pouring their beer into their wine glasses.
Now Dean Lee was explaining who i was. I nodded and waved at the folks at my table, not sure exactly what Dean Lee was telling them (since I wasn't clear on whether or not she knew my last name).
"Do you have any brochures?" asked Dean Lee.
"Any what?"
"Brochures or marketing materials?"
"I just..." it sounded so weak now. "I just came to drop off the headsets."
She turned to the Chinese Businessmen and explained I, in fact, had no materials to share with them.
"Go get some food," she said.
"I just ate before I left," which was true. Rachel had provided me with cold pizza (jalapeno and pineapple... mmmmm).
"Go get some food," she said again. Ah, if I were not to eat, these folks might take it the wrong way. Luckily they had grilled new potatos. Mmmmm....
We toasted each other alot (mostly in Mandarin), and we listened to a few short speeches.
"So I don't think we need the translation devices," Dean Lee said.
"No?"
"I think I'll just translate for the Dean."
"Oh. Okay."
The speech made little, if no sense. Despite extensive travelleing in China, the Dean apparently doesn't realize that Chinese speech-making is NOT the same yuk-fest American speechmaking tends to be.
My department was even mentioned, but I was not pointed out as managing that department, which led me to believe I had done SOMETHING wrong. Or maybe not. You never know.
I ate some salad, listening intently to the conversation, trying to figure out if I knew any chinese. I do not.
Finally, at quarter to seven, Dean Lee said "I think you can go."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
The Chinese Businessmen looked at me sadly. I think they, too, wished to go. I think they thought that young american male promised more excitement for the evening than middle-aged dean lady. But I was also not really wanting to escort these guys around to a bunch of bars and strip clubs on a Wednesday night.
I had left my cell phone in my car (expecting to just drop off the receivers and leave), so jamie knew nothing of any of this.
"I was stuck in dinner with 25 chinese businessmen!"
"So you already ate?"
"Well, yes."
"Okay fine. See you when you get home."
I began to wonder if those guys would understand the value of a $20 in an American strip bar.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Because I am super busy today, and because Jim sent this, and because it's one of the funniest things I've seen in weeks.

Here you go.

THanks to Jim for forwarding me the link.

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Wish I had this for Valentine's Day.
As a little kid I loved The Jeffersons. I do not know why, but I wwatched it all the time. In middle school, I was into Mr. Ed. In high school I watched lots of Twin Peaks, mostly because of Sherilyn Fenn.

Now, my worlds collide once more as Sherman Helmsley is set to take over duties on Mr. Ed. And Sherilyn Fenn is cast as Wilbur's wife. Will this be the best show ever?

And, wow... Fox decided to make the horse "from the street" as well as being smart alecky! What will those clever folks think up next...?

LOS ANGELES, California (Hollywood Reporter) -- Sherman Hemsley of "The Jeffersons" fame is lending his voice to the title character in Fox's updated version of "Mister Ed."

Hemsley joins David Alan Basche, who was previously tapped to play Wilbur Post, and Sherilyn Fenn, tapped as Wilbur's wife.

"Mister Ed" is a remake of the 1960s talking-horse sitcom. This time around, the equine title character has an urban sensibility.

The original starred Alan Young as Wilbur and Allan "Rocky" Lane as the voice of Mister Ed. The show ran on CBS from 1961 to 1965 after an initial syndicated run in early 1961.

Due to a busy and hectic schedule, Jamie had forgotten to bring home my VD gift over the weekend. No big deal. I'm not big on VD, and I was busy enough to just be glad to have time to giver her a present.

However, last night when I arrived home, Jamie handed me my present. Folks, you are now reading from the pages of the proud owner of Superman seat covers.

I have to admit, I was expecting something more long the lines of a card, so when I received the seat covers, I'm not really sure I was able to fully express my excitement.

Anyway, the seat covers are now in the car, and boy, are they snazzy. It's possible Jamie and I have more money than brains (which isn't saying much), but these are the things we do out here in the desert to keep ourselves from going insane. One could argue that from the outside, it looks like we're going in the opposite direction. And that's okay, but at least we're keeping ourselves amused.

Monday, February 16, 2004

talking George Bush dolls have turned up here before. Well, once again, Toys That Should Not Be presents a faithful recreation of our fearless leader(s).

What's interesting is you have choice of your favorite Bush, or you can also get a Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Bobblehead on the same page (insert your own Clinton joke here).

small victories:

1) I located the movie: Comic Book: The Movie which has had comic fandom quietly abuzz for a week or so.

2) I located the Justice League Hawkgirl action figure. I had assumed for so long that I would NEVER find Hawkgirl, that I had actually given up. Demand for the figure is high, and the few internet sites which had her were charging upwards of $30. I got her off the peg for $6.50.

3) The new Batman toys will include a "Batcave" which appears to be insanely large

4) The Justice League line of toys will soon include a version of the Satellite base. It's waaayyyy under scale, but I don't have an extra story on my house to store the full-scale model.

5) Superman comics are getting back on track. Kind of. Wait until April. The current storyline is shaping up well, as was the last one, but I'm waiting until April.

6) Superman comics actually went back to press for once, which means there is an upswing in interest.

7) I am not sick. I got enough sleep and feel okay today. I must have dodged that particular bullet.

I watched all of "Comic Book: The Movie" this weekend. And I am surprised to find out what a huge dork Mark Hamill is in real life. Wow. What a colossal nerd. But that's okay. He must actually LOVE being Luke Skywalker, because I cannot believe how dedicated to nerd-life he actually is. Comic Book: the Movie (herefeter referred to as CBTM) is about a guy hitting middle-age who loves comics and has been brought on board the pre-production team for a film adapatation of his favorite character, Captain Courage. Captain Courage has been changed to Codename: C.O.U.R.A.G.E., and is set to begin production as an ultra-violent revenge fantasy, intended to appeal to a modern audience.

Anyway, Mark Hamill's character decides he doesn't like the updated version of the character, and while at the San Diego ComicCon, goes about trying to persuade the producers that they should stay true to the original (if dated) premise. It attempts to follow the semi-improvised "documentaries" of the Christopher Guest genre, but only occasionally does it seem to work.

What follows is less than hilarious, and probably best to be avoided by anyone who doesn't have at least one long box in their closet. The movie is so full of inside jokes, I was stunned the release was wide enough I was able to find the DVD at Target. Even casual readers of comics would probably miss a lot of the jokes and references.

The production values are TERRIBLE. Audio is often messy, for some reason, we constantly see the cameraman, and the whole thing is shot on DV cameras (no, there's no film transfer here at all). I do give them credit for beign able to tape at all in the infamously chaotic lanes of the San Diego Comiccon. But one feels that an actual documentary would have far better served the intended purpose of the film.

What was really strange was how many celebrities do appear in CBTM, including Hugh Hefner, Sid Ceasar, Bruce Campbell, Stan Lee, and a host of comic creators (who are all uniformly chubby). It was cool to see some creators I am familiar with, and it was interesting to see them improvising their own personal recollections of Captain Courage (a mish mash of Shazam!, Superman and Captain America).

For some reason they also decided to add in a character of "the camerman", who is pretty much some guy playing "Otto" from The Simpsons. I don't know who this guy is, but he wasn't funny. And when your movie is improvised, that ain't good. There's a particularly irritating scene in which we are reminded that these are all LA folks in which Otto the cameraman tells a girl in a cowboy hat that "Austin, Texas was named after Steve Austin, the Six Million Dollar Man". Wow. THat's hilarous. These are the jokes which didn't end up on the cutting room floor.

In the end, CBTM may serve one terrific purpose, and that's to send a forewarning to producers everywhere. Producers can learn that as they option the rights to comic characters, they don't own the characters. Hell, the comic companies which do own them barely have any control. These characters belong to the fans. Changing the characters, altering them and adding a "hip factor" is not going to add anything to the character, it's just going to water down what made the character popular for 50+ years. There's a correlation between the success of comic based movies and how close they stay to the source material.

Unfortunately, i don't think CBTM is going to hold any producer's attention long enough that it's going to sway their opinions too much. And one wonders if the movie itself, with it's low budget look and feel, and it's wacky, wish-fulfillment ending, wouldn't end up doing more harm than good.

Sunday, February 15, 2004

Well, VD has come and gone. VD is not my favorite holiday. There's a lot of pressure, and not a lot of payoff (get your minds out of the gutters, you pervs), and it's expensive and kind of meaningless unless you're with someone in year one. I am in year... I'm not sure. Anyway, we got married in 2000 if that begins to give you any ideas.

To make matters perhaps less romantic, my in-laws were here and Jamie had a cold and I just had the week from hell at work. And I know this week will stink, so I was thinking about that. Plus I have an exam on Tuesday. So, yes, I was just not in the mood for roses and wine and all that.

My distaste for VD solidified around 1999 when I agreed to take Jamie to a nice little Italian place in Austin called "Romeo's". It's a date kind of place, and we were not the only ones with the idea. Keep in mind, kitchens are outlawed in private homes in Austin, and so everybody eats out all the time as it is. So on VD, all these couples were there and it was chaos and we agreed to sit outside by the gas heater thingy. After an hour and a half wait and ducking an interview with the local Fox affiliate doing a fluff piece on VD, we finally got seated. About five minutes later, the gas ran out, and we were told there was no more gas. We would have to freeze or give up our seat. So we froze and ate luke-warm food. I did get to watch a scene out of a sit-com as a weasely, somewhat grotesque little man tried to maintain the interest of his date by constantly reiterating his financial position (of which, i was quite jealous). I don't remember too many specifics, but he did a pretty good job of it, and it was kind of inspiring (note to self: as you get older and uglier, get richer...)

All in all, I was not feeling terribly romantic at the end of this fiasco.

So this year we stayed warm, ate with Jamie's folks at a local little place run by a dude named "Ziggy", and went home. Jamie says she got me something, but she says it's at her office.

I think I am getting sick, which is irritating. I have not REALLY been sick since I moved out here. Not a cold, not a flu, not a nothing. But I think I am now getting sick. My co-workers will have a good laugh at my expense as I pointed out just last week that I never get sick out here, and they pointed out my foot issues as a sign of illness. I tried to explain that foot problems didn't qualify, but as they didn't buy it.

Well, I can look like a chump. And maybe get a day off to lay about and watch Montel.

Mel is spoiled by my father-in-law who has been taking him for walkies a few times a day for the past few days. However, the in-laws left insanely early this morning. Mel kept returning to the guest room, laying on the floor with mournful eyes, pleading for my father in-law's return. We went for walkies, but I know it just wasn't the same. Jeff, however, is delighted the invaders are gone.
Jim has thrown a monkey in the works. JimD. has spawned a capital idea for a satisfying conclusion to the A Present for Randy contest, but I'm not certain how to manage his suggestion. And I certainly do not want to start handling money. The League is not insured, nor did we get past "Pre-Calc" in high school.

Anyone with a better head for figures, transactional ideas and the law should send mail to the League outlining a plan for getting Randy a wedding present.
My worlds are colliding...

Friday, February 13, 2004

A Present for Randy Update:

Hello, Leaguers! You may be wondering about the status of the "A Present for Randy" contest. Things are going swimmingly.

Apparently offering a present in exchange for an entry was the thing to do. Well, done, my greedy little Leaguers. However, some of the key Leaguers have not piped up. Where is Ann Francis? Where is Nathan Cone? Why doesn't Jason ever pipe up? And is that really Jim's final word on the matter?

Alas, I think we may be at daggers drawn over the topic.

Anyway, I will probably be shutting down the contest here in a week or so. Keep in mind, all entrants who include their snail mail address will receive Vol. 2 of the League of Melbotis musical CD. You can put the disc into your car CD player and pretend you're driving to work with Melbotis himself, but without all of the doggy odor.

an actual picture of the new toy from the upcoming Batman animated series

With this cartoon and the new movie about to begin, it's time for me to clear some additional shelf space at League HQ.

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

how cool is this?
Good news. My brother has offered to cut off my head as part of the ancient Seppuku ritual! Instant death for me, boy!
it seems that the concepts first employed with the 1980's 5:30am show "Captain Power" are being re-employed with the Dark Knight Detective.

This doesn't bother me. I hope the toys are cool and the show is cool. We'll see.

What bothers me is that they can embed electronic messages into my TV to cause things in my house to be programmed. Leaguers, if there were ever technology ripe for abuse by a nefarious conglomerate run by a mad super-villain, this would be it.
Yesterday at work we sat down and outlined the various initiatives, programs and projects we're going to be dealing with in the near future. I have come to the conclusion that the only honorable escape is through seppuku. I am now seeking a sword and a place where they will find my corpse before it begins to stink.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Somewhat interesting. Dean Wartella has been Dean at UT's school of communications for years and years and years. It looks like she's off to sunny California.

I spent 5 years in the College of Communications while at UT, and I can say Wartella had a profound impact on my life. She showed me that I can spend five years somewhere and never have the slightest clue that my college has a Dean. The School of Communications was always critically underfunded, terribly organized and showed little or no interest in any of it's actual undergraduate students. The Department of Radio-Telelvision-Film itself felt often as if it were being managed by drunk lemurs, with no clear path for graduation or real standards for students to meet. Grad students hung out for up to ten years, and decisions were made mid-stream which screwed crucially with my entire graduating class who was in the production track.

No clear path of communication was ever given. If the College had anything resembling an Associate Dean of Academic Affairs, I don't know who it was. One of the primary roles of a Dean is to seek funding for a College. not once while I was in the College, or in the years following, have I read about any major award to UT's College of Communication.

Career services consisted of a desk with a student worker who's job it was to point at a pile of outdated books and suggest you browse them. The job board consisted of opportunities at HEB and some telemarketing firms.

But mostly, I never even heard the Wartella's name until we were told what was going to happen while we lined up for graduation. I had good reason to assume nobody was actually in charge, because, by God, it felt that way 90% of the time. So farewell, Dean Wartella. Have fun wherever you go. You were a lousy Dean and nobody will ever notice you parted ways with the College.

Oh, and Paul Stekler is a dick.
Jim can wax philosophic on Survivor, so maybe I can be the bottom feeder on reality shows.

The new fave rave at The League is "My Big, Fat Obnoxious Fiancee" which stars a lame Scottsdale girl and a dude who, for all appearances, is the missing Steans brother. Seriously. Character or not, "Steve" is very much in line with what one would expect from a member of the Steans clan.

The premise of the show, for those of you who are above such drivel and will not watch, is that Randi (a Scottsdale prototype if there ever was one) believes herself to be a contestant on a reality show in which, if she can convince her best friends and family she is in love with, and marrying, someone she met three weeks earlier, she will win a million dollars. The twist is, they've given her "Steve". Who is pretty much a sitcom sort of guy's guy. Randi is unaware that Steve is a trained actor playing an obnoxious clod. So she thinks she's pulling one over on her family, and being fairly clever doing it. Meanwhile, she believes the producers have stuck with an impossible dork of a man. BUT, if she can convince her family she's in love, and they go through with the wedding, she get's $1 million.

Yeah, it's so meta, it took me two episodes to figure out exactly what the hell is going on. I will say, it was morbid curiosity which drew me in, and it's malicious pleasure which keeps me there.

You see, Randi is probably a somewhat nice, if shallow person. And like all good current reality shows, this one sets out to punish Randi for being such a shallow, money-grubbing Scottsdale dork.

Last night's episode (of which I actually only saw the last half), reminded me of exactly why the Valley of the Sun annoys me so very, very much.

Randi's family came in from Scottsdale, and Randi had to spring it upon them that she was engaged. Her parents, in all honesty, took it much better than I had expected. But her siblings are the same jug-headed maroons who blast Snoop Dogg from their Kia Sorentos while cruising Scottsdale Road on their way to Sugar Daddy's. Her folks are the kind of people who can't distinguish between arts and crafts and who are the reason the "art festivals" around here can get away with charging $200 for a rusted copper back scratcher. All in all, it was nice to see them being so openly disenchated with "Steve", because at least they were being honest. Even if Randi's brothers are big old jug-heads.

This town isn't just full of these people, it PRIDES itself on being a boringly pedestrian place to be. I don't dislike golf in and of itself. But if you admit to not playing golf here, folks look at you like you just told them you think Stalin had some great ideas. It's bland, bland, bland and more than a little bit boring.

Look, I ain't pretty. And I ain't getting any prettier. So no small part of me is delighted to see Steve, who is also probably very aware of how unpretty he is, taking full advantage of the situation. Sure, he shows some small glimmers of sympathy for Randi. ut, really, he is more than aware that even if he is a great guy, Randi's the girl who's looking for the Accountant with the golf clubs already packed in the trunk of his BMW.

Steve's "family" is also great, and once again, they al so remind me all too much of the Steans clan. God bless 'em. I could totally envision my family encouraging me "to do the Moose", an act which defies both taste and description.

Like all Fox reality shows, the series will stretch out waaayyyy too long, and eventually really test my patience with all the pseudo-tense moments. But I think as long as I keep watching only the last half-hour of any given episode, the show will move long at a good clip.
New animated series update:

Jim e-mailed me a story ona new Batman cartoon set for Kids WB! this fall. And then just this morning I saw an article on the show on another site. This one includes some images. Interesting interpretation of Batman. It looks like a cross between Year One Batman and his earliest adventures in Detective Comics from 1939 or so.

The series is no doubt intended to coincide with the new movie being developed at WB. It's good to see Batman getting out there again. As much as I'm a Superman fan, I've been a Batman fan from a far earlier age. Now let's see Superman out there again getting treated with the same high standards.

Monday, February 09, 2004

A Present for Randy Update.

Apparently there is little or no love for Randy at the League. Last week, I posted a new League contest. I'm a little disappointed that the single, solitary suggestion for a gift for Randy came from his fiancee. It can also be said that I strongly suspect the fiancee was suggesting something for herself, rather than for our beloved Randolph.

Despite some fairly strong numbers, I now believe actual readership for the League is down. It's impossible to keep up with how many hits we're really getting as the idiot from the beer site continues to use my bandwidth and I've decided I don't care enough to get into a fight with him/ her.

But the bottom line is that this contest is a bit of a flop thus far, and I don't think that speaks volumes for the success of this particular blog.

Anyway, I would point any remaining Loyal Leaguers to take a proactive stance and go ahead and submit an entry to the contest.

Who knows...? the very fate of the League may be depending on it...

Oh, I think every entry sent with a snail mail address will get the Music of The League of Melbotis Vol. 2.

So send an entry, kids.
Did anyone else see Teen Titans this weekend on Cartoon Network? It was both completely hilarious and as scary as anything else I've seen on TV in months. And it had an opening scene villain I can only assume was supposed to be Harry Knowles.

But the best part was Cyborg's reaction to the realization that his candy was, in fact, "evil." Dwayne McDuffie is a genius.

Randy was right about this series from day 1. I now look forward to it as much as I do new Justice League episodes. I need Tivo so I can always have episode of Teen Titans, Justice League and Static Shock on hand. Ah, screw it. I watch too much TV as it is.
Melbotis writes:

Dear Jim,

Today Mel was hanging out very bored

this is Mel at League HQ

When all of a sudden Killer Croc showed up

Killer Croc is trapped in plastic

Stupid cat came to see Croc

Jeff says: Hooperee dooperee

Then Gorn lizard man come by to give tips

The Gorn advises: don't underestimate Shatner!

Then other Killer Croc come by

The other Killer Croc feels like a lesser croc, and this makes him angry

Mel was happy for free stuff from Loyal Leaguers


First Nathan send press materials from new DVD release, Comic Book: The Movie

The League meant to find this movie this weekend, but spaced out and forgot.

Then Jim send Croc


Where will Croc live?


Maybe with Caped Crusader and pals?


Croc tired of being in package...


Jeff check to see if Croc OK...

Jeff's report: Jlippy jloopy jloooooo

Batman swing by to give directions


Croc find home among many other friends from horrible Gotham City


Thanks to Jim for making this ridiculously pointless photo essay possible. The League extends it's eternal gratitude.

Sunday, February 08, 2004

Julius Schwartz, the great Silver Age editor of all things Superman, has merged with the infinite.

Julie Schwartz edited well before my time, and just barely into it. I was always more familiar with his work from reprints and collected editions, but just a few years of fandom, and it's hard not to know what a personal and creative influence Julie was on so many.

RIP, Julie, and thanks for everything. Up, up and away.

More anecdotes are included on this same page.
Congratulations to my former co-workers at the Faculty Innovation Center at the University of Texas at Austin. These guys work really hard, are chronically underpaid, and put up with an insane amount of nonsense. Why? because basically they like each other and can't imagine not being a part of that team.

Some public recognition was doled out last week.

I'm going to go ahead and quote from an e-mail Juan Diaz, Video Producer, sent out to many, many people this weekend.

"WEP: Engineering 109" took the Silver Award yesterday, at the awards ceremony in the Palmer Events Center.

In case you are not aware the ADDY awards are the advertising industry's equivalent of the Oscars. Ad campaigns compete initially at the local level, and the local winners eventually compete at the national level. This year's national ADDY awards ceremony will be in Dallas, TX. on June 12. The local competition was hosted by the Austin Ad Federation.

We at the Faculty Innovation Center have been working very hard to produce these commercials for the College of Engineering, and it is very rewarding to know that we are competitive with organizations like GSD&M, Milkshake Media, and Fd2S.


Anyway, congrats, FIC. It's a real pleasure to see you guys getting some recognition for your work!

See the Faculty Innovation Center Website here.

You can download the video off the Women in Engineering Program website. I think it's the download over there on the right.

Friday, February 06, 2004

I keep meaning to post about this, the world's best new show.
Jim D. is set to be an uncle. Can I get away with calling him Unky J? Most likely, no, I may not.

I saw Bowie last night. You did not.

Thursday, February 05, 2004

Leaguers, RHPT.com has posted that he does not ever get free schwag from his many readers. I do, upon occasion, receive items, but I try to keep it an even exchange.

But it's getting to be a bit dull here at League of Melbotis HQ. So you all know what that means: Contest time.

New Contest: A present for Randy!

We at The League all like RHPT.com and enjoy his frequent postings, and so we, at The League, have decided that we will buy Randy a present and send it to him. However, we also strongly suspect Randy makes more money than The League, so what to buy him...?



Here are the rules:

1) The League is not made out of money. Limit gift cost to a reasonable amount unless you wish to foot the bill.
2) Suggestion must not be obscene. Unless particularly funny and easy to find.
3) Must not require League to give credit card number to shady and anonymous source.
4) Entries must include at least one complete sentence explaining why Randy needs the gift you name.

I'm not going to put a fixed price on the gift suggestion. But let's not go nuts here. And let's try to give Randy something to look forward to. Do not send entries you do not want to see printed like "Let's give Randy a punch in the eye, because he's a bastard." That one will come back to haunt you. I promise.

Send entries to: Melbotis buys Randy a cheap gift.

Viva la Randy.

Oh, winners get, say... I don't know. We'll figure it out later.

I've actually had this problem when I've been on video shoots. The sound is REALLY annoying. And I wasn't mixing audio for the President. Essentially, the problem is that two wireless mics starting interfering with each other's signal, creating an odd feedback loop. It's difficult to deal with, and the first time it happened, I had no idea it was happening. Totally sucked.
what's new in fashion.... Seriously.
Too bad most people don't own the mineral rights under their houses.
My most important news is that Killer Croc showed up yesterday in the mail. Folks, if you ever question the fact that Jim Dedman is a good egg, you may look no further than the Killer Croc action figure which I now have in my possession.

I got home last night, and the box was sitting on the couch. Whomever Jim procured the figure from knew his card rated gradings for action toys. Because the box was really exceptionally large, and it was so filled with foam, i had to dig around to find the toy.

Jamie was doing her exercise routine when I opened the box, so she missed the grand unveiling.
"Where's Killer Croc?"
"He's in my office. On the stool. In the package."
She toddled off.
"He looks like Godzilla!"
"Indeed."
now, I wanted to take digital photos and post them up, but we recently bought a new computer, and our now archaic digital camera does not jive with Windows XP. I've been working with Camedia and Olympus to revive the thing, but it may be of no use.
Nontheless, I want to show Croc in all his glory, so he hasn't made it out of the "blister" packaging yet. As soon as I can take some photos, i will. I need to put Croc into context and truly reveal that which is the Fortress of Nerditude.

That, and I was insane crazy tired when I got home last night, and I was in bed by 9:00.

Here is a photo I found online of the Killer Croc figure.
Tonight I go to see David Bowie here in Phoenix. It's been an extraordinarily long time since I've gone to a show. Almost two years, I think. I had tickets to both Peter Gabriel and Beck, and on both occasions, other matters came up and I couldn't go. Which was expensive and irritating.

I saw Bowie around the fall of 1995. It was my controversial first date with Jamie, which she still claims was not a date. Which i understand.

a) I was seeing someone else at the time
b) My brother invited himself along without asking if it were okay

My brother called me a few hours before I was to go to the show to see what I was up to. I explained I was going to see Bowie, and that Nine Inch Nails was to be the first band to play. He knew full well they were playing at South Park Meadows in Austin, which has no real capacity. Plus, he asked who I was going with.
"Jamie."
Look, I knew about three or four Jamie's at the time, so he assumed it was a different Jamie, which is okay. But then said, "Okay. Well, i'm going to get a ticket, and we'll go down there together."
Which was probably good.

Anyway, I look forward to seeing Bowie once again under less awkward circumstances and from a much closer proximity. I think Macy Gray is opening for him, a singer who I think is okay, but who I only think about when she pops up for a few seconds in Spider-Man.

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Usually articles on prisoner abuse aren't that funny, but I liked this line:

"They assumed it wasn't a big deal. It was a big deal," Walker said, explaining that officers and deputies also practiced using the Taser on one another to "experience the incapacitating voltage it administers."

Okay. Now, I'm no expert on electiricity, but I used to fix the ski-ball machines during my tenure at Chuck E. Cheese (circa 1990). I can tell you this: it hurts like a bastard when you get electrified by the ski-ball machine. it's all tingly and weird. And it creeps up on you. You may not even notice it at first until you're like "hey, my heart stopped!" Anyway, again, I'm no expert on electrity, nor am I a law-enforcement officer, but who wouldn't pay $5.00 to watch a bunch of corrections officers hitting each other with 50,000 volts? We're missing out on a real opportunity for syndicated TV here.
And thanks once again to Shoemaker! Here's a story from Onion AV on Alex Ross, comic artist extraordinaire.
Today is going to suck. It started sucking at 9:45 last night. Hurray.
All students are bastards.

Here is an article on comics, including a brief history and a "state of the industry" report.

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

It appears Emily is hopped up on goofballs as she continues in her misguided, yet relentless pursuit to join with the forces of evil.
Apparently Emily rates qualified indifference on part of both pet and owner as a desirable trait in her pet of choice, the house cat. While convenient, it's that same indifference which makes cats the less loyal and less loving of animals. The other qualities Emily describes also fit dogs to a "T", as well.

Prior to Mel, here is a list of animals I've played host to for long enough to describe the animals as pets:

2 dogs (Puffy and Misty)
1 cat (Jeff)
innumerable fish
2 gerbils (Leonard Nimoy and Richard M. Nixon)
1 hamster (Sandy)
2 Guinea Pigs (Speedy and I don't remember)
2 rabbits (Skeeter and Skooter)
1 Boa constrictor (Baby Boa)
2 turtles (Hurdle and Floyd)
1 Python (Perry the Python)
1 Iguana (Flash)
2 hermit crabs
2 fire newts (Zap and I don't remember)
2 other lizards (Exit and I don't know)
1 tarantula (Mr. Crawly)

In short, I've had the pets which you can ignore. Give me 116 pounds of Golden Retriever anyday. Good 'ol Mel. Hope he's not too bored at home.

Hopefully Emily can turn away from the abyss of feline despair before it's too late.
In response to my query, Emily posts about her lack of desire to allow Randy to become the proud co-habitant of man's best friend.
Randy writes:

Dear Mel,

Are you single? I know a cute golden retriever named "Princess" who I think you would like. She's only two years old, and is very friendly and outgoing. She loves to play and she lives with about 4 cats, so she shares your pain. The only problem is that Princess lives in Franklin, TN. Will that be a problem?



Randy


Dear Randy,

Mel have swinging bachelor lifestyle Mel very content with. Mel not certain Mel can make committment of long term relationship when Mel mostly confined to backyard and house. TN sounds like far off scary place with no vowels. As much as Mel would like to sniff at Princess and possibly steal Princess toys, Mel not sure if Princess would be right for Mel. Mel mostly introverted and like to stay home and get chubby man attention. Just last night Mel refused to leave chubby man alone, so mel got lots of petting. "Leave me alone! Go bother Jamie!" said chubby man, but I know he is just kidding, so mel put paw on him and really lean into him then.
"Fine. You want a milkbone?" said chubby man. And then my tail start wagging, which tell mel that Mel must be excited. So Mel run again to cabinet to show chubby man where milkbone is in case chubby man forgot. Then Mel go outside.
If Princess feel this lifestyle suit Princess, then that okay. Mel not really sure what to do with girlfriend anyway since Mel have "procedure".
Randy writes:

Dear Mel,

After reading some of your responses, I detect a note of resentment against Jeff the cat. Am I correct? And if so, why do you hate Jeff? Is it some deep instinctive thing or does it have something to do with your mother?


Dear Randy,

Mel has thought about Randy questions. Cat is mean bitey thing that bite Mel leg and bottom just because Mel pass by. Cat only nice to Mel when cat is cold. Stupid cat. To do with mother? Mel think that sometime a cat is just a cat.
Ever a fan of the democratic process, the League trotted off to our local polling place this morning to vote in favor of the Reverend Al Sharpton in the Arizona Democratic Primary. The League is keeping it's collective fingers crossed that The Reverend is able to pull it out in Arizona!

Our polling place was a small Baptist church off the side of a road. Jamie and I pulled in and looked at the church, and while it looked like a light or two might be on, evidence of democracy in action seemed... less than forthcoming.

"Is it open yet?"
Jamie looked at her little flyer we got in the mail. "Six A.M. until-"
"Man, not many democrats out in Chandler..." I whistled.
I think subconsciously Jamie and I had agreed not to tell one another who our candidate of choice was. I turned to her and said "I have no idea who you're voting for."
"Yup." she nodded.
There was a guy leaving as we came in, and there at the table were, I think, 6 volunteers. And somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 "booths". And the two of us.
I needlessly produced my registration card and looked at the huge book of registered voters in our area.
I gave my name and got the shortest ballot I'd seen since elementary school. Just one item to vote on, but holy cow, were there a lot of names on that list. A tear trickled down my cheek as I realized Braun is no longer running, and thusly removing the opportunity to elect a person who seems like the world's best next door neighbor.
Anyway, I put in my vote for the Reverend, and off we went.
But, yeah... I would love to know how many votes total come out of our precinct, because my polling place was a cold and lonely place.
In Austin we got to vote at the elementary school down the street, which was utterly invigorating. it appeared almost everyone walked to the school from the area, and stood in line kind of grinning. No nervous apprehension at our polling place! Kids filed by and hand drawn pictures were tacked to the wall. People didn't talk much, and nobody was shouting about their candidate, but it was fun to just know we were all their to participate together.
Okay, I'm a nerd and I like to vote.

Monday, February 02, 2004

Meant to thank Jeff via e-mail for this link, but my mail keeps getting returned to me.

Love this stuff.
genius
The potential for FCC violation was enough for me to believe that the whole "janet shows her boob" thing didn't go down as planned.

Now, having reviewed The Drudge Report today, I fully believe the thing was pre-planned in some way or other, but it just seems like such an ill-conceived publicity stunt, and that SURELY those involved had to know it would end badly... Or, at least, how this was going to play in living rooms in middle-America.

But reviewing the footage leads to the almost inescapable conclusion that Timberlake was intentionally tearing at the outfit. Whether Jackson herslef is involved is almost impossible to determine.

Again, one would wonder, if the boob's appearance were, in fact, intentional, were they really aware of how sad and boring their half-time show was that to make it exciting, they had to add a boob? Are Jackson's sales slumping so badly and her managers so uncreative that they've resorted to "shock" tactics?

I'm not sure it's the boob which is so surprising. It was the unnecessary addition which was the surprise. I mean, had Timberlake yelled "F**k Wisconsin!" at the end, I'd probably be just as obsessed with finding an anwer.
What was going on there? Did they think the FCC takes a nap on Superbowl Sunday? Did they not care? Is Jackson's career that bad? Does CBS really believe grown adults listen to Justin Timberlake and P. Diddy? Why do all Janet Jackson songs after Rythm Nation sound exactly alike? Was Nelly on fire? Was that a real flag Kid Rock cut up to wear as a poncho?

I dunno. I hate to break this to all of you marching band nerds and drill team pixies, but half-time is not actually meant to entertain you. Half-time is meant for going to the can and getting another hotdog. Let's keep it that way.
I keep telling myself I'm going to be famous for being the guy who has the kick-ass Groundhog Day party. But I've never had one. Groundhog Day, Arbor Day or President's Day. I mean, really give people something to look forward to.

Anyway, for those of us in the desert, an extended winter sounds great. Sorry, people who live in wintery, inhospitable climates. Us in the desert are totally excited about the prospect of a lengthier winter.

Happy Groundhog Day, Leaguers.
Would it be cruelty, evil or sheer bad temperament which would cause one person to prevent another from getting a dog? Dogs are good. Dogs poop in the yard instead of the litter box. Dogs protect your house and valuables. Dogs are sweet and pay attention to you. Dogs like to lay on the floor with you when you're tired. Dogs can make you happy. So what kind of twisted evil would prevent you from wanting to share your home with a dog? I cannot imagine. But it would make you a bad, bad person.
Randy continues to refuse to go to his reunion. Is he cowering in cowardly cowardice? I refuse to believe Randy cannot face his past. indeed. Randy should look at this as the opportunity to embrace that which he once loathed and dreaded. It is time for Randy to return to Houston and share the wisdom he has gained upon his journeys.
Okay, yes, it's a bit silly to get that pumped up about a boob. I do, after all, have cable.
Let me make clear here that what I was squealing like a drunk otter about had a lot more to do with some screwing up that badly on national TV. Scratch that. International TV.
Look, like the Oscars, I have a love/ hate relationship with the Superbowl. Most of the time, the game is deadly dull and the best part about it is that I've called in sick in advance, so I can nurse my hangover on Monday. The adage that "you watch it for the commercials" isn't very realistic anymore. Ad agencies got wise, and nobody blows money on these ads the way they used to. Or, at least, the new or interesting commercials get used up in the first 45 minutes (how about that Ford GT?).
And I hateses, I hateses the half-time show. Ever since David Copperfield lamed it up back around '89, I've been pretty wary of the whole enterprise. Jamie claims last year's half-time show was okay, but I'm still fixated on how abso-ludicrous the Britney Spears/ Aerosmith half-time show was two years ago. Seriously. It was awful.
The pre-show entertainment this year was cheesy and smarmy enough, but what was up with the Astronaut thing? I mean, really. It was great to see a shuttle crew, but two minutes before kick-off, nobody needs to be serenaded by Josh Groban (except my mum, who loves Groban). In fact, the Panthers may have cause to sue if they can prove it was Groban's serenade which made them lose the will to live, and thereby, the will to win the game. I wasn't sure what the angelic children's choir, Groban, NASA, some Apache helicopters and a stretching Tom Brady all had to do with each other, but the directors made sure I saw all of these things in a beautiful montage.
(***UPDATE *** okay, yes. I feel bad. It was, in fact, nice to remember the anniversary of the tragedy of the Space Shuttle Columbia's destruction over Texas. But... the astronaut guy... in the suit... on the elevator... then waving the flag while the flag kids ran around... and the kiddy choir... and Tom Brady stretching... c'mon. Work with me here.)
Anyway, this is the context of the Superbowl. Cheesy. Wholesome. Over-hyped. Uber-patriotic and fun for the whole family.
So if I find Janet Jackson's boob suddenly springing forth to somehow create some cognitive dissonance, you will have to forgive me. We are not the French. Yes, we Americans should all be more desensitized to the naked female form and not feel inclined to gouge out our own eyes for the sin of seeing the naked female flesh. But we are not desensitized. Especially when the form belongs to Janet Jackson. Performing with the heinous excuse for entertainment which is Justin Timberlake. At half-time. Of the Superbowl. Sigh. What do you want? It's MTV.

Sunday, February 01, 2004

I was originally going to hop online just to say "there's nothing like a Superbowl half-time show to make you weep for humanity", when the whole Justin/ Janet thing happened. And while it's only been about ten minutes, I understand that I was the second person to call my buddy in Austin who was TIVOing the show. My buddy also promised to have the footage online by tomorrow morning, so hopefully I'll know more then.

Sadly, Jamie was looking at the mustard she was putting on her hotdog and missed the whole thing. So, yeah, it was just me hopping up and down alone on the couch.

UPDATE: Jim sent me this link. Photos. PG-13 rated.

UPDATE 2: This just gets weirder and weirder.

Friday, January 30, 2004

kind of funny, especially the letters from the guy in the edit suite...
fun for me, fun for you.
Randy seems to be struggling with his demons from the past. He is refusing to go to his high-school reunion. And while I can empathize, I will still needle him endlessly until he joins our own Jim "Jimeroo" Dedman at their joint 10-year high-school reunion.

The League has been following pre-production and development rumors on a proposed WB produced Superman movie for the past few years. I've learned to quit listening, but yesterday I was rolling when I heard the rumor that Beyonce Knowles might be picked up to play Lois Lane. It's not that she could or couldn't do it.. it's just funny. Anyone who is labeled as "hot" is always mentioned for these things, and things get out of control. Unfortunately, from the movie "Batman Forever", we can see that these things can and do happen, and the result ain't that fantastic.

I've heard sets were being constructed at least five times, that studios were locked down for production to begin "anyday" for over a year, and nothing has yet happened.

What keeps creeping me out is the persistent rumor that uber-dork Ashton Kutscher (sp?) keeps getting mentioned for the role of Superman. I don't think I need to draw you a chart to point out the problems with this.

it is based upon this evidence that I am led to believe the Warner Bros. movie studio is largely run by horny chimpnazees.

Anyhoo...

For an actually pretty GOOD Superman movie, keep your eyes peeled at Target, etc... for the Superman: Last Son of Krypton video coming to DVD next Tuesday. It's the 3-part pilot from the animated series which ran while I was in college, and kind of continues to integrate into the current Justice League cartoon. THe parts on Krypton and Smallville are fantastic, and the story with the robot... ah, well, it's Superman. It's also a pilot for a TV show, so it doesn't exactly have a huge climax. But it's cool. Because it's SUPERMAN.

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

And just because my ADD popped this into my head in the middle of class last night and almost made me start laughing out loud:

From Conan the Barbarian:

Mongol General: We have won again. That is good! But what is best in life?
Mongol Warrior: The open steppe, fleet horse, falcon on your wrist, wind in your hair!
Mongol General: Wrong! Conan, what is best in life?
Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of the woman!
So yesterday I'm in a meeting with my director, who is a good guy, but busy enough that getting time with him can be like nailing jell-o to the wall. I'm not feeling well at all. I haven't been sleeping much lately and the pita I ate for lunch is strongly disagreeing with me. The topic of our conversation is not one which makes me particularly happy. And then one of my office-mates steps in and says the words I dread to hear:

"Ryan, there's a guy here to see you. He says his name is (oh, let's call him Steve Christmas). He says you don't know he's coming."

Leaguers, we are not on campus. We are off campus. We are in an office suite so difficult to find that we've lost client contracts due to the fact that the clients couldn't locate us. But Steve Christmas found me. And interrupted me in my very important meeting.

"Does he have a gun...?"
Rachel let out a weak laugh.
"Is he carrying a violin case?"
Nothing
So I stepped out of my meeting (which was very important) to meet Steve Christmas, who looked wild-eyed and pissed off.
Steve Christmas was upset. Very upset. So I sat him down in an unused office (but not mine) and looked him in the eye.
"So how can I help you?"
Leaguers, our business is based upon the notion that people pay a fee for their online courses. Yes, yes... terribly evil. And if you believe that, I have a gentleman name of Steve Christmas who would like to be your friend.
"Why can't I see the online lectures?"
"We have a differential fee--"
"I don't like the fact that my tuition pays for these online classes to go up and I can't take them!"
"No, the fees you just said you didn't want to pay for covers our expenses."
"Oh. Well, those fees are expensive!"
"They sure are."
"I think I should have access to the online classes!"
"Aren't you already in the on-campus section?"
"Yes, but I want to see the online lectures!"
"but aren't you usually in on-campus classes?"
"Yes, but the cost is too high. I don't understand why you would make me a second class student!"
"THe President of the University and the Dean--"
"right. They want to make money. I understand. But the faculty goes too fast!"
"Tell him to slow down."
"I will! It'll slow down the video! Your online students will hate it!"
"Well, you know if he's going too fast, everybody would-"
"They're not going to like it when I keep interrupting the video to slow him down!"
"okay..."
Anyway, Steve tore into me for only about ten minutes, as I tried to explain that I am, in fact, a government schill, and that if he didn't like the fees or being in a studio classroom, that maybe he should take it up with the Dean as my livelihood depended upon these fees and these studios.
"You know, you're making a commodity out of education!"
"...okay..."
"And just like all these tech jobs, somebody overseas is going to do this better than you, and cheaper!"
"...okay..."
"And you're going to be out of a job, just like all the tech people!"
"...okay..."
"I just hope, you know, you can live with that!"
"... okay... I'll try..."
"Because this isn't going to last."
"...okay..."
By now Steve Christmas was either naturally one twitchy guy, or he was shaking angry at me for just saying "...okay.." to every one of his dire visions of doom. And I wasn't feeling well, and I had a lot of other stuff to do.
"You should probably talk to the dean of academic affairs. i don't set policy."
"Oh, right. Like he'll see me."
"Well, I don't know. But I don't really make any of these decisions."
"So you're just here to get yelled at." (it was not a question.)
"Mostly."
"Well, i just want you to know, this isn't going to stand!"
"...okay..."
And the whole time I'm calculating the likelihood of this guy having a knife under his coat, because he's getting twitchier and twitchier. But at this point, twitchy Steve Christmas kind of left in a rush.
I guess my office mates heard the whole thing. I went back to the meeting and sat down.
"You did the right thing," my director said, nodding sagely.
"Oh yeah, what's that?"
"You didn't let him talk to me."
Ah, government.
And the best part is, now I have to keep one eye open in case Steve Christmas shows up again. Last semester it was just a petition to have me sacked. I can't wait to see how Crazy Steve Christmas takes it to the next level.

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Shoemaker writes:

What time is love?

Sincerely,

Jeff



Dear Jeff,

Mel not exactly certain of concept of space or time. Mel confused by coming and going of people, but Mel use this to determine when things happen. For example. When radio come on all of a sudden when house is dark, is time for chubby man to let Mel go out to pee-pee. Then chubby man put on pants and go away. Lady come home at night and then she love me. Then man come home and play with Mel and toy.

What time is love?

Mel say you must leave that to Ancients of Mu Mu, but he suspect it around 3:00am.
Buffy writes:

Dear Melbotis,

i am writing to you as a last resort. i just don't know what to do anymore. everyday, i tell myself things are going to be different. i tell myself i can be good. but then i innocently wander into the laundry room and catch a glimps of black, white, or, especially, red satin. i turn my head away. i try desperately to pull myself out but then i figure one little sniff won't hurt. will it? just one little sniff of that precious piece just spilling over the top of the hamper. next thing i know i wake up four hours later, passed out, with my nose through the crotch of my mommy's underwear. when i realize what i've done, i panic. i hide it. underneath my bed, underneath her bed, underneath the couch. anywhere. and i tell myself it was only a momentary lapse. tomorrow i'll be good. oh! melbotis, what should i do? I can't take it anymore! i want to be a good girl, i really do. I just can't stop myself that from eating underwear crotches.


desperate to change,

buffy



Dear buffy,

Mel think Mel should preface response with assumption that buffy is a dog. If buffy is, say... a person... buffy beyond Mel's realm of experience. Mel has come to understand many publication can cater to your particular issue, but Mel probably not much help. Look for red, glowing sign reading "XXX". Mel thinks you stand to make good deal of money publishing in these magazines.

If buffy is dog, mel at least can try to help.

buffy, mel not particularly interested in much outside of ball, toy, towel, stupid dog next door, treat and two silly people with whom mel cohabitates. mel not have clothes aside from collar, but often see how people take them off and then go in shower place. In shower place, the people often begin to howl and yowl. When chubby man go in shower, often I hear him saying:

I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have
Been any clearer
If you wanna make the world
A better place
(if you wanna make the
World a better place)
Take a look at yourself, and
Then make a change
(take a look at yourself, and
Then make a change)
(na na na, na na na, na na, na nah)

Then man dry off with towel (but not fun chew towel), and rub his teeth with stick. He put on pants and say "goodbye, Mel. Be a good boy, today!" and Mel say "Okay" and then chubby man go away. Then white lady scream "Holy Christ! I'm late!" and run out door. And clothes smell like people, but so do everything else in smelly house, so mel don't much care. But he notice cat often sit in pants or hat. Es muy mysterioso.

So mel decide cat is formost expert on pants and chewing and ask cat "why for do you sit in the chubby man blue pant?" and cat say "Heeba weeba blah blah blue." So I try again. "Hey stupid cat-" but cat is rude and say "Wubba wubba woop woop wooooooo". Then cat try to bit me.

So mystery of panty must remain a mystery to Mel. how sad. but maybe your owner lady buy hamper and put clothes in drawer instead of leaving underwear out all over place. That mel suggestion.
Jamie woke up like a shot this morning and immediately declared "they're announcing the Oscar nominees!"

So we turned on the TV and dutifully watched Sigourney Weaver announce a few categories (they curiously didn't go into anything like "Best footwear in a Brazilan Industrial Video" or anything good).

Man, all I know is that on the eve of February 29th, I will be watching anything BUT the Oscars. I haven't seen, nor do I plan to see, any but three of the movies even mentioned.

I realize, I just don't care anymore. Let these maroons go pat themselves on the back and take up 8 hours of network time. I simply, absolutely, do not care who wins, or how pretty somebody's dress is. Thank god they aren't dragging it out for two months this year. Ugh.

Ask people "who won the Nobel Prize in Literature this year? Who won it for physics?" and they mock you. Ask them what dress Nicole Kidman had and they can tell you the color and designer.

I weep for the human species.

Monday, January 26, 2004

The Old Man kicks ass...

He's waiting for my mom to come out of the recovery room, and he's ansty but bored so he starts telling me about this book he's reading. The Old Man is reading Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon.

My Mom (The Kare Bear) is having back surgery this morning. I'm feeling a little stressed. She has really bad scoliosis, and they need to straighten her out so that when she's a little old lady, she's not shaped like a "v".



Anyhoo, they say she will take like a month to recover enough to even be mobile. Given the Kare Bear's usually hyper kinetic demeanor, this should be fun for The Old Man. The Old Man is taking time off from work to tend to the Kare bear, which should be interesting, because The Old Man finally merged with his job and became the Voltron of Finances for an oil company a few years ago. He may be a bit defenseless without his laptop and stat sheets.

I hope to get to Houston soon. In fact, I should probably buy tickets today. I need to be there, but my folks basically told me to not come, but it took me a long time to realize it was not a passive-aggressive attempt to get me to be there.

Brother Jason will go, then Cousin Sue. Then last but not least, shall be me. So hopefully I will be able to entertain The Old Man and put a smile on Recoverin' Kare Bear's face.

Anyone willing to wish my mum a "get well soon" may send her a message via Mel, and Mel will compile them for her.

Breakin' and poppin' with Pope John Paul
It's reasons like this that I'm almost embarassed to live in a democracy...

You never saw Stalin feeling he had to claim the Joementum.
More TOYS THAT SHOULD NOT BE...

There's nothing really wrong with this, it's just kind of funny.

Sunday, January 25, 2004

TOYS THAT SHOULD NOT BE

Thanks to Jim for this entry: Giant, adorable microbes