Comic Books, Comics Scholarship and a Terrific Reading List for People Who Want to Get Into Comics but Think Superheroes are Dumb

Several days ago, Jim D. sent me a FAX at work. Apparently Jim is auditing HNRS 3161 (02), Comic Book Novels and Their Culture

The class is being offered at Lamar University, and is one of the growing crop of courses being taught by guys who, in 1986, stopped while reading The Dark Knight Returns and said to themselves: this is way better than that dumb book I'm reading in school. And thusly, Comics scholarship was born.

I find the readings interesting. I've read almost all of them.

Art Spiegelman's Maus
Frank Miller's Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
Alan Moore's Watchmen
Daniel Clowes' Ghost World
Chris Ware's Jimmy Corrigan

I have not yet read Neil Gaiman's Violent Cases

The idea of comics scholarship is an odd one. On the one hand, it offers people a chance to see the potential of the graphic medium for storytelling, and offers the potential to lay the literary establishment on its ear as comics are recognized to be a viable mode of storytelling within the hallowed halls of "those who know better".

On the other hand, who is going to register for this class who isn't already clued into the world of comics? My guess is, everyone in that class will have already read at least Dark Knight and Watchmen. The guys in the berets will have already read Ghost World and Jimmy Corrigan. A few will have read Maus because they thought they probably should. There might be a few indie rock girls who read Ghost World, but I don't think this is going to get popular with sorority girls looking for an easy-A.

The readings are the list of comics I'd give to my English Major friends when they say that all you need to know to know everything about comics is, "comics, oh yeah. Well, everyone knows Batman and Robin are closet homosexuals."* So aside from some assertions made by the late (and perennial fan-boy whipping boy) Frederic Wertham, what do these books have to offer?

A pretty wide array, if just from this small sampling. Ghost World and Jimmy Corrigan live in a microcosm, live and breathe with small characters living in a small world. The characters are real people, instantly recognizable as people from your high school or maybe from the post office.

Clowes' art is instantly recognizable, being simultaneously a red-headed step-child of 1970's indie comics and perhaps the master of this slice of a slice of a genre. He doesn't do much to fuzz with the use of sequential-art storytelling in Ghost World (not as he'd later do with Eightball #23, "Death Ray"), but his characters are utterly believable to look at, and their dialogue, etc... is painfully familiar.

Jimmy Corrigan is going to live on for decades as the culmination of a world-class obsessive compulsive disorder and a microscopic eye for detail. Confession time: I'm not a huge fan of Jimmy Corrigan. I can appreciate what Ware is doing, and I actually am very happy to have a copy of the book just to marvel at the work put into it, but the story didn't really do much to either move me or grab me. That said, from a scholarship standpoint (and that's what we're discussing here, right?) this may be one of the most important comic books ever published. Without getting all esoteric on you, Ware's understanding of use of the panel and sequential art may be unparalleled and shows a unique genius for conveying time, depth, emotion with the simple use of time compression and expansion in those tiny spaces between the panels. His art is sharp, clear and industrial, and, honestly, I have no idea how he does it (but I suspect he's using a Mac).

Ware had a strong follow up with Quimby the Mouse last year. I bought a beautiful hardcover copy, which I immediately f**ked up in my suitcase on the plane on the way home from Austin.

Maus gets mixed reviews in the comic book fan-world, but in literary realms, the book is pretty much universally praised. It is NOT an allegory, but a mix of semi-autobiographical material and recollections of stories of Art Spiegelman's father. Essentially, Maus tells both the story of Art Spiegelman and his father as they work on their relationship in Art's father's twilight years. Meanwhile, Art is collecting stories from his father who was a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp.

For reasons I'll leave for the reader to decide, the characters are mostly portrayed as mice, with Nazis portrayed as cats. It's not Animal Farm (as I said, it's not allegory, really). Instead, Maus uses the unique format of comics to bring implied understanding and meaning to the situation with animal-themed visual cues.

Regarding scholarship, Maus has been infiltrating literature classes for years, so omission from the list of readings would be considered a gross oversight. Again, if we're studying comics as a unique art form, we're not looking just at the pictures alone, nor just the story, but the collaboration between the two. Maus's use of animal imagery is largely where the success of the medium comes into play, as well as well-timed beats and juxtaposition of Art's father's matter-of-fact recounting and the way in which the actual scenes are depicted.

Curiously, the complaints from comic fans seem to stem from a dislike of the animal-imagery, and a general feeling of distaste for the subject matter, being too serious for some readers, or somehow not connecting with them. This particular debate is, to me, a curious beast, as I don't feel Maus is in any way overly complicated.

I'll forego my usual gushing comments about Dark Knight Returns and Watchmen. What I will say is that these two books are considered the pinnacle of superhero storytelling, and that's different from just successful comic-form storytelling.

The instructor for Jim's class has wisely avoided adding too many superhero comics (the money generator of the comics' industry) in favor of quality comic books which can appeal to a wider audience. This is a double-edged sword as most comics are super-hero and sci-fi based, but the selection of readings also gives a chance for people who are super-hero adverse to explore the medium. However, the instructor has included two comics which use superheroes and the ideas behind superheroes to explore issues of power, abuse of power and character exploration of larger than life characters in a way which your average comic may not do.

The impact of Watchmen and Dark Knight irreversibly changed the way in which superheroes are looked upon by their own greatest fans, and has given way to innumerable new stories looking at the ways in which those in power must behave responsibly. Prior to these efforts, the clunky moralism of early Spider-Man and perhaps the 1970's Neal Adams efforts on Green Lantern/ Green Arrow were significant efforts and an interesting approach to unwieldy topics usually left out of comics altogether.

Dark Knight and Watchmen asked only that their characters have motivations and behave according to those motivations. The publication of these two books cemented a path toward an adult readership which continues to this day.

I am very surprised by the omission of Scott McCloud's Understanding Comics, which is, perhaps, best read by folks already exposed heavily to the comics medium (I always believed web designers would get a kick out of it, too).

Also, both Will Eisner's "fictional" work (Fagin the Jew, A Contract with God, The Spirit) and his instructional manuals (Comics & Sequential Storytelling)are completely overlooked despite their importance within the industry.

I think work from either McCloud or Eisner would be absolutely necessary for such a class, but I'm not teaching it, so...

Look, obviously comics are my great obsession. And I could name a dozen more books totally deserving to be on this class's must read list (Rocket Raccoon, hello? anyone? No?), but I'm just thrilled to see this sort of course making it's way into the great halls of learning.

I am not suggesting that comics are as important as, say, Government 101. But comics originated in the US as a true art form, and probably have as much right to have their own class as the History of Elvis Presley class taught here at my employing university (I seriously want to take that class). Additional courses could include European comics, Japanese comics, or "Why can't anyone tell Clark Kent is Superman?"

Discussing comic scholarship within the comic fan community is an utter nightmare, if message boards are any indication. Many fans do not appreciate folks like Ware and Clowes entering into their realm without an idea for a caped and masked avenger in tow. Many complain the books are boring, and there's a general sense of "who do these guys think they are?", which almost suggests that these readers don't, ultimately, believe in the comics form enough to think it can hold up under the weight of stories which are not flights of fancy.

Many, many of these posters, to nobody's surprise, just do not appear to understand the stories they have read. I know. That's a little harsh, but there are some real knuckleheads on comics message boards.

I wish Jim good luck, and I look forward to hearing all about the nonsense with which his instructor fills his head.

*quick note: There is a whole field of study regarding the sexuality of superheroes, stemming mostly from Batman and Robin. Look, if that's how people want to read it, go for it. There's a similar situation with Star Trek and Kirk and Spock. I could care less. Just keep in mind, Wertham and his book in the 1950's almost shut down the whole damn industry.

this is the sort of thing that makes a portion of the comics population downright wet themselves.

Looks like Joss Whedon, creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel and Firefly is doing some interesting things:

1) I never saw Firefly, but he's turned the cancelled show into a Hollywood sci-fi movie called Serenity.

2) Whedon has been writing the new X-men comic entitled "Astonishing X-Men." It's pretty good. ASTONISHINGLY good? That for you to decide...

3) Now rumors are mounting that Whedon is involved in X-Men 3, recently abandoned by Bryan Singer (who left to make the new Superman flick)

Is this good news? Sure, why not...

I never watched Buffy after Season 2 or so. I never watched Firefly, never watched Angel, but folks love that stuff the same way X-Fans love X-Men. So it sounds like a good match to me.

Phoenix Saga, here we come...

1) See my Aunt - done

2) Put comics in boxes - done

3) See Hero - done

4) read my JLA vs. Avengers collection - done

5) Watch JLU - done

6) Clean the house - uhmmm

7) go to the gym at least twice - well, once. But I took Mel for two lovely walks.

8) Eat some grilled chicken and wild rice - Uhmmm... not quite, but I did okay. Chicken fajitas. God bless McCormick's and their little pouches of spices. Also, I busted out the grill at Jamie's request. We kicked off our Fall tradition a few weeks early (as it was an unnaturally low 95 degrees) and had brauts.

I gotta say, I liked Hero quite well. As I told Jamie, it's nice to walk out of a movie and to not to have to dig for a compliment, settling upon "yeah, that was cute." Beautifully shot, incredible combat choreography, and a solid story to boot. As I was mostly reading subtitles, I guess the acting was good, but it's tough to say.

The movie did leave me with a few nagging questions which had nothing to do with the actual movie itself, but the point it made. Anyway, good movie, and it didn't have any aliens OR predators to make it stink.

JLU was also an interesting episode. I've been a fan of "The Question" since back in the 80's, and I loved the take on him they had in JLU. A boy-band humming nutjob martial-artist/ conspiracy theorist...? It's so close to a description of my dad, I had chills. Anyway, I know The Question won't make too many more appearances, but it was great to see the DCU's resident nutjob on TV. BTW, I have no idea who this Galatea person is, but she sure looked like Power Girl to me... any one else?

I am such a nerd.

I'm not sure why in my 3rd year here I have forgotten, but I can't get Texas games here. I can get Oklahoma and Oklahoma State. But Texas? No way.

Dammit.

How can it be college ball season if I can't watch UT?

And you didn't think you had any options this election year...

click on the picture for more info on The League's compulsory candidate

What will next befall League guiding light and all around influence "Weird" Al Yankovic?

Nathan, for some reason I think I was with you when I saw Weird Al at Astroworld.

Can that possibly be right? It seems right.

All I want to do this weekend in order:

1) See my Aunt

2) Put comics in boxes

3) See Hero

4) read my JLA vs. Avengers collection

5) Watch JLU

6) Clean the house

7) go to the gym at least twice

8) Eat some grilled chicken and wild rice

All I want to do this weekend in order (by Mrs. League):
1) See Sir Isaac Neaderhiser (our friends the Neaderhisers had a kid. His name is Isaac.)
2) Put Jeff in a box
3) See Spidey one last time
4) Finish reading War of the Worlds
5) Watch football....dammit, the season hasn't started yet - I hate preseason!
6) Clean the cat box
7) Think about going to the gym
8) Eat

**Edited to add that Blogger is messed up. I wrote this as a counterpart to The League's tale of weekend fun and it posted it before. Go read his first.

It's just. too. easy.

--Mrs. League

God.
Door.
Window.

The new WB! cartoon "The Batman"..? My fears that the show was going to be more "kiddie" that the Bruce Timm/ Paul Dini show are gone.

Watch Batman v. Bane in Quicktime.

I think my boss is trying to get rid of me...

ALIENS!

--Mrs. League

As a Superman-fan, I don't usually have much space to ridicule the proclivities of others.

But this Cuddle Party thing? If you're one of the lucky folks attending Cuddle Parties, I'm going to help you out here:

You are lame.

If you're that starved for attention and affection, get a cat. The cat may not even like you, but it will sit on you when it gets cold. Rolling around on the floor with total strangers while you're in your jammies shows only that your mommy did not hold you enough as a child.

Seriously, this is the lamest thing I've ever heard of. It's right up there with Furries.

A special section for the ladies:

The men are lying to you. They do not just want simple platonic affection. This Cuddle Party idea has been concocted by the same team of evil geniuses who taught you it's okay to wear only a sports-bra while jogging, and that the Beach Volleyball team would perform better in bikinis.

Remember that dude from Rain's Cuddle Party two weeks back? He was laying next to you in the Cookie Monster shirt? he was kind of funny and silly, but sort of weird, but it was okay because it's just a cuddle party..?

He's imagining you naked even now.

He is. I'm sorry. All we can do is hope to distract him next time

This time next year, the Cuddle Parties are going to have turned into big Ecstacy-fueled Roman orgies, and all of the people looking to crawl into their jammies and roll around on the floor with complete strangers (while still pretending this is actually sanitary) are going to be wondering what happened.

Get a cat. They're easy to adopt at the ASPCA. They even poop in a box so they're easy to clean up after.

If that fails, try dating.

I don't follow baseball, but holy cow...

I get the feeling I am not going to be able to find the Justice League toy of The UltraHumanite.

Note on the link that this company has ALREADY jacked the price up to $35.00 before shipping.

Leaguers, this is highway robbery. This is $.75 worth of plastic.

IF you see the toy at Target or Wal-Mart, let me know or pick it up, and I will send you a PHAT check. DO NOT spend more than $7.50 on this toy. THe last time I ordered a figure online that way, I saw it on the peg for $6.50 the next week.

Anyway, Ultra-Humanite. White Ape with big brain and bondage gear.

Remember that movie Jim Caviezel was in where his father sent him to humanity to save us from ourselves?

Well, word on the comic book street is that he may be about to be in another movie along those same lines.

Jim Caviezel is now rumored to be cast as Superman for the new Bryan Singer helmed Superman movie due to begin production before the end of 04.

If the rumor is true, I'm okay with it. I'm not as excited as I was about Christian Bale as Batman, but it's a far cry from one-time-Super-selection Ashton Kutcher (shudder). Caviezel is supposed to be an excellent actor (I've never seen any of his movies). He's just... smaller than I was thinking Superman might be. And I'd have liked to have seen the continuity of bringing Tom Welling over from Smallville to Superman. But, c'est la vie. No Kutcher means we're that much closer to the movie not being a complete trainwreck.

You can read here where Mark Millar (irritating but talented writer of Marvel's Ultimates and Spider-Man) drops the bomb.

And sounds like the script includes Brainiac. BRAINIAC!!!! Please, God... Let them use the "Where's-My-Pants?" version of Brainiac. Actually, Brainiac has had so many different looks over the years, I am sure it will be a totally new and interesting version if he is in the movie.

I guess Brainiac 13 is too much to hope for.

Actually, these days, expecting this movie not to stink is too much to hope for. Jim D. called me about two weeks ago apparently just to let me know he didn't think they could ever make a good Superman movie. I suspect he'd just finished Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, which was excellent only in it's inclusion of John Cryer as Luthor's bumbling nephew, Lenny.

More Superheroes in trouble...

Superman is in Minnesota causing trouble, so Batman has also made an appearance in the Mid-West.

I always thought The World's Greatest Detective would avoid the sweets. Mayhaps not.

thanks to Shoemaker for the link.

Sounds like Clark's been getting into the red kryptonite again.

Maxwell locates some unfortunate advertising at the Republican convention.

God knows I love Halloween. I do. I love it. Here at The League, it's up there with Christmas and Arbor Day.

And I am comforted to know it is soon a-coming. How do I know? I just ate a delicious bowl of "Haunted Apple Jacks Manor" with marshmallow bones, skulls, and other little bits. It was frightfully delicious.

Anybody have any ideas for a Halloween contest this year? In order to help out Jim D., I'm a-thinking of a single entry list of "really bad horror movies."

Either that, or something to do with "What shall I carve upon a pumpkin?"

I have to run the contest beginning in about two or three weeks, so I'm taking submissions for ideas.

And it's not too early for you to start planning your costume. This year, I am going to be a chubby white guy. I started working on this costume in 1995. I'm almost done.

So I may or may not have broken Jamie's hand. Ker-whack.

Nothing like injuring the wife to make yourself feel like a total heel.

We were at the gym and I tossed her a medicine ball. According to some reports, I tossed it too quickly or something. I'm not sure. I thought the speed was okay. Maybe she lacks hand-eye coordination. I cannot say. I do know it was I who threw the ball, and she has the injured hand.

I also know that we spent three or four hours at the ER today listening to the lady in the next room get manually cleared of her terrible constipation.

Look, if I had to listen to the whole ordeal, you have to think about it for a few seconds.

Jamie is doing okay. She needs to go for an additional X-Ray later this week, and then she'll know for certain. In the meantime, she's in a sort of cast/ splint and a sling.

And I feel like a jerk.

Luckily, there was my mom on the other end of the phone, lending her undying love and support.

"What did you do that to her for?"
"Mom, I just tossed her the ball."
"Well, you threw it too hard."
"I didn't throw it too hard, Ma. It was a freak accident."
"Why weren't you being more careful?"
"I was being careful. It was an accident."
"It doesn't sound to me like you were being careful."
"I was."
"Well, Jamie can't catch a ball like that. What kind of ball was this?"
"It was a medicine ball."
"I never heard of such a thing. Why were you throwing it at her?"
"Because my trainer told me to. We were like five feet apart."
"It sounds like you weren't being careful."

Sigh.

Anyone remember my self-congratulatory story on my time at The Disney Store?

Well, apparently I'm not the only one who sees the face of evil in the robotic friendliness and efficiency of the Disney Corp.

Heidi reports here from The Beat.

Reading this makes me want to watch Westworld again.

THANKS, SCIENCE!!!!

You know what's amazing but absolutely f**king gross?

Growing a jaw in your back.

It turns out, I am in class with a guy who played Spock's dad in Star Trek V.

How cool is that?

Hi all.

Still busy.

But, here we go anyway...

Comics legend Neil Gaiman has ventured continually into film and television, and is not set to see one of the projects he's worked on actually get wide theatrical release. He's most famous for his Sandman series, and the Death spin-offs.

The new flick appears to be a fantasy movie in the vein of Dark Crystal, Labrynth, Legend or something like that. I honestly have no idea, because all of the pictures look like images done by comic illustrator Dave McKean, a constant Gaiman collaborator. (McKean also worked on Arkham Asylum, I believe).

I don't know if McKean worked on this film, but it sure looks like he did.

The movie is called "MirrorMask". I don't know anything about it, including expected release dates.

Here's a pic

Here's another

another pic

Yet another

I already know my old pal, The My, will be a big fan of this movie. I doubt he knows if it yet, but he will.

There's a new Batman cartoon debuting this Fall.

Looks pretty much like Batman, all right. It doesn't appear to be any improvement over the Batman series from the 90's, but it does look okay. I have no doubt I'll DVR it (it's on Saturday mornings... The League is so very sleepy on Saturday mornings).

My guess is, WB is re-launching the entire Batman franchise with the release of Batman Begins, and they didn't want to pay Bruce Timm and Paul Dini a decent salary, so they started fresh.

Anyway, for a peek at the show, click here. There's a Flash intro and a stream of a sort of trailer for the show and skin for your media player.

You may or may not know this, but The League is involved with Distance Education by profession. I put classes online for the School of Engineering for a large public university.

Well, it's a fairly new field, this online learning. Maybe ten years old.

Anyway, this is the first time I've seen distance learning related humor. I'm a little blown away.

Check out this article in The Onion.

And just a little something if you have a few extra minutes at your desk...

an ad for Robot Insurance from Old Glory Insurance.

...Doesn't pay to get out of bed...

So it's the first week of classes, which means there are a lot of students on campus all of the time, running from building to building, finding classrooms, lounging about, etc...

Which also means there are lots of folks selling crap all around campus. There are the guys selling newspaper subscriptions, and people trying to move credit cards, etc... Last year there were girls in slinky dresses trying to give out samples of a new cologne.

So I just left a meeting and I'm walking on the street parallel to campus (think west side of The Drag) when this dude in the standard "gym-guy" uniform spies me. I see he has a handful of brightly colored flyers, so I steel myself.

"Hey, dude! You want to get the workout of a lifetime?!!! Be in the best shape of your life?!!!"

I give him the one hand "no" motion near my side, and do the curt head-shake. And I go on my way.

"Looks like you could use it!"

And that's when I stopped and turned to look back.

I THINK he was trying to be helpful or something, because he was still standing there with a flier extended out to me.

As always, I was at a loss for words, but I was standing there with the bird fully extended, so I guess I felt pretty good about that.

I just wondered what school of marketing this guy had gone to where you SHAME people into joining your gym. I can only imagine the hang-dog clientele, miserably trudging along on the treadmill.

"You'll never lose weight like that, fatty!"

Anyway, it was a nice, completely unexpected blow to my self-esteem I just didn't need today. And when that's the case, the finger just doesn't suffice.

Happy Birthday R2-D2!

Kenny Baker, the man in the can, is 70 years old today. 70 years old and they're still making him sit in the little robot while he should be out on the golf course. For those of you who think R2-D2 is Kenny's only claim to fame I direct you to item 4 on his IMDB filmography list.

--Mrs. League

This weekend I did what I always do when Jamie leaves. I freaked out, because, kids... The League does not do well when left to his own devices. At least Mel was there to pal around.

All that went sour, though, when Saturday night I took mel for a walk that ended with me getting him to go down a slide at the park near my house.

I also went to Best Buy this weekend, because there are no other video/ CD stores in Chandler for me to support.

On a whim, I picked up the new album by Scissor Sisters, based upon a strong review I read somewhere, and because they were willing to do a disco cover of Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb."

It's an odd record, and is better than you think it is upon a first listen. Scissor Sisters seem to have two modes: Elton John and Disco Frenzy. I have no idea if that appeals to you, but I do like a good 3/5ths to 2/3rds of the record, which is a much better average then I have been hitting of late.

I also picked up Freaks, which was even better than I remember it being.

Gooble Gobble
One of us
One of us

The extra features are as fascinating as the actual movie.

For a nice little tune about Circus Folk by my old pals in Maximum Coherence, go here to listen.

Anyhoo, I am very busy with work. I welcome you all to enjoy this picture, and maybe write a story about it.

Huh.

Will Tom Welling (of Clark Kent/ Smallville fame) appear in the new Batman movie as Clark Kent?

SuperheroHype! thinks so...

I love the idea of a shared Batman/ Superman universe in the movies, and I'd love to see each franchise knock out two movies and then do a World's Finest movie. Batman and Superman shared a comic entitled "World's Finest" for decades. Ever since, when referring to the pairing of Batman and Superman, real comic geeks refer to it as "World's Finest." Just a little FYI.

If you CAN'T wait for a World's Finest movie, check out this fan film...

Also, a picture in the article features the ninja costumes worn by the bad dudes run by Ra's Al Ghul. Notice the Batman-like protrusions from the fore-arm guards. Pretty cool.

See, Ryan, we didn't have to get married at Green Pastures.

"Who gives this woman in marriage?" asked Stacey Garza of the Free Will Church.
"Her friends and family at Wal-Mart," Foruria replied.

When Worlds Collide

okay...

I just watched the last 50-60 seconds of Bill O'Reilly interviewing Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

My brain is melting.

Man, did anyone else watch the Women's Marathon this morning? That was awesome.

BTW, Deena Kastor came in 3rd, winning the Bronze. She's awesome.

The League Witnesses (and comments upon) Aliens vs Predator

Do you know when the last time was you checked your watch during a movie? I do.

It was about forty-five minutes ago when I was wondering how much more of Aliens vs. Predator I was going to have to sit through.

That was a seriously dumb movie.

Of course, I KNEW AvP was going to be dumb, which is why I waited until Jamie was safely out of the state before I went to go see it.

I've seen some seriously stupid movies in the theater. Here is a short list.

American Cyborg: Steel Warrior
Man's Best Friend
Street Fighter (not the Jackie Chan version, the Raul Julia version)
Out for Justice
The Relic
Event Horizon
Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers: The Movie
Deep Blue Sea
Halloween 6
Batman and Robin
Dracula 2000
Godzilla (TWICE!!!)

But even in these movies I never spent the duration of the movie saying to myself, "You know what would have created a more palpable sense of tension..? If X, Y and Z had happened."

I am not that smart. I shouldn't be able to out-screen-write the screenwriters while the film is going on.

Nor should I be able to say, "I'm no archaeologist, but their MO for exploring this site seems a little unorthodox. If even one of these clowns is a scientist, they would have put the kaibosh on this whole operation," or "Why are J, K and L even happening? That directly contradicts what we learned in the first six movies tied to these characters..."

Hey AvP screenwriters: Want to know a good way to build tension in a movie? I'll give you this tip for free... Don't use a huge, glowing, neon arrow to point to your "Ripley" at the beginning of the movie. Don't do it. The magic of movies where people get picked off one by one until only one remains is that you're not supposed to know who's gonna make it... Not so in Aliens vs Predator.

This was one lazy, sloppy movie. It was the kind of movie where you never actually catch anybody's real name, because it doesn't f**kin' matter. And stuff happens not because it's interesting or good, but because the movie has a sort of clumsy, tumbling momentum going, and if they look to the sides or back, the whole thing will just burn up the gears.

AvP was the kind of movie where rich-eccentric scientists bribe struggling scientists to join them, and then make silly, dramatic entrances. It's the sort of flick in which actors translate a roomful of runes in almost pitch black in about 5 minutes (no, seriously... 5 minutes). And actors are forced to spout well-worn cliches like "The enemy of my enemy... Is my friend!", only because the screenwriter and director can't trust their own audience enough to actually do some simple math.

I will say this: The Aliens effects looked okay, and the Predator guys looked pretty neat and had cool toys.

I will also say there's a shot at the end of the flick of some of the Predators in which the movie would have benefited from showing less of the Predators. Sadly, the shot makes it pretty clearly the "Predators" are just some dudes in (enormous) rubber masks.

If the rumor that this version I endured was a studio cut is true, and that the director really had some other footage up his sleeve is also true, I would be game to see the movie again to see the new footage. The League just has a hard time believing AvP was intentional.

It did occur to me we're sort of in the same boat folks were in back in the 1950's. Back then, the Universal monsters were tussling with each other regularly as the new creations filling the screen became progressively... sillier. There hadn't been any good horror franchises to come out in twenty years, so the money guys were green lighting Frankenstein meets Dracula , etc... Actually, I guess they literally did FvD with Van Helsing this year, but you get the idea.

I think we're going through that all over again. Which is good news, because it might mean some new, better movies will be coming along.

Anyway, that was $8.00 and 90 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

Poop.

DC Character Profile: Green Lantern (1) / Sentinel



Secret Identity: Alan Scott

Rating: Pretty Danged Cool

Comic He Might Be In: JSA/ Justice Society of America

DC profile

What makes him a superhero: Alan Scott wears a magical green ring he forged from part of a green, mystical meteor. The rest of the meteor he forged into a lantern. The ring is powered by the lantern every 24 hours.

The ring is able to create tangible, 3-dimensional objects from a mystical green flame. These objects can be used as tools, weapons or defenses. The ring also allows Alan to fly, and has kept him in his physical prime since the 1930’s.

The weakness? For some bizarre-o reason, the ring doesn’t work on wood. So if you want to kill him, hit him with a baseball bat.

What he's about: These days, Alan is a sort of father figure to the other Green lanterns running around Sector 2814. While Alan is not officially part of the Green Lantern Corps, he does okay.

He’s also one of the founding members of the JSA, and is a key-player and heavy-hitter for America’s most publicly adored team.

These days, Alan is all about legacy, and serves the purpose of tying Golden Age comics to the current age of comics.

Why The League digs him:

I think he looks like my old pal, Trevor Dutton.

The League digs the crazy costume design and wild ideas which originally spawned the Green Lantern. His vulnerability to wood is a suspect plot point at best, but is still a nice tie to the past.

Alongside Jay Garrick and Carter Hall, I love the fact that these B-list characters are still kicking around the comics world, and have been since 1940.

Heidi McDonald looks forward to this year's Pimp-tacular Halloween stylings for both children and pets.

As mutually excited as Jim D. and I are about the DVD release of Tod Browning's Freaks, I am just as pleased to note that (surprise, surprise) Marvel and Columbia TriStar will be getting even more of my money. Two different DVD sets will be released for Spider-Man 2.

I have already pledged to pick up the deluxe set.

Was this really a bear, or Jim D. in his bear-suit?

It is the first anniversary of my vegetarianiasm.

And to celebrate, I have quit being a vegetarian. I just ate about a pound of grilled chicken.

And, my God... that was good. I ain't never lookin' back....

Honey, get some charcoal for the grill. Carnivore Ryan is BACK!!!!

So, the League and I had our second 'Fit Test' at our rediculously large gym last night. This was to see how far we had come in training since joining Fort Fitness back in May.

How far indeed.

This test seemed to indicate that I had less flexibility, was worse on cardio, and had improved only an eensy bit in strength. They do this strange analysis where the computer determines 'how old' your body actually is. I believe this calculation to be a load of shit. Back in May, after 11 years of poor health and virtually no exercise, I was told my body was '29' (which is my actual age). Rediculous, mainly because the only factor contributing to this young age seemed to be the fact that I was a reasonable weight. That's it. My other scores blew.

Last night, after 4 months of reasonably consistant training, the computer informed me that I was now '30'. I had aged a year. I don't usually say this since I am in software development and generally get along with my development machine, but...."Ohhhh---kayyy, Mr. Compooter! Whatever you say....."

In case you are tired of me blogging and miss the League (he's been slammed at work) - I will be out of town this weekend in beautiful Berkeley, CA, so you'll not have to listen to my insane rambling. Bug the League to entertain you with stories of being home alone with Swell Mel and Def Jeff.

We can all rest at ease.

While the article states: "It's unclear how the dog managed to get away",
the answer might be found in The Tinkerbell Hilton Diaries: My Life Tailing Paris Hilton.

An exerpt:
"Say, want to know how my morning went? Well, I'll tell you: I just spent 20 minutes (that's an hour and a half in dog minutes) watching Lady Einstein here try to stuff a $100 bill into a vending machine. "I never have anything smaller than a hundred," she actually yelled at it, before calling it "a complete retread." I think she meant "retard," but who the Christ knows. She's in the other room sulking and drinking from the tap. I spent the rest of the morning trying to lick a power socket."

--Mrs. League

Mmmm....can't think of anything more appetizing than eating next to the smell of cat piss.

Folks, don't dress your kitties up in tuxedos and take them out to dinner. You may think it's cute, but you'll traumatize them and then they'll later want to take revenge. Stick to Cat Chow.

--Mrs. League

From: The League
To: Shoemaker
RE: Narrative Strategies

Man, I have been hacking away at telling the story of (Name withheld to avoid lawsuit) without telling her name, which is kind of key to the whole operation.

And I must admit, I'm basically finding it really hard to write the story without sounding like a big 'ol racist. I still think most of my complaints were probably well founded about the pedantic nature of the course. But when you write it out, it makes it sound like I was either a big know-it-all (which I was) or that I was a big ol racist (which i'd of liked to of thought I was not).

I'm struggling on this one.

xoxoxo

-R

From: Shoemaker
To: The League
RE: You are a complete sissy

If it makes you feel any better, that class was key in my political transformation from slightly-informed liberal asswipe to slightly-more-informed conservative asswipe. I cannot deny the negative effect that a Marxist-Feminist reading of the Weather Channel had on me. I cannot buy when that's what you're trying to sell me.

again, i'll back you up.

-Shoemaker


So, Loyal Leaguers... Let me see if I can remember...

Well, it helps to know I was not an "A" student in college. It wasn't for lack of trying, but most likely for lack of intellectual capacity. This is not to mention a strong disinterest in anything which was not EXACTLY what I wanted to be doing at that specific moment. My utter failure in academia would only partially foreshadow my inability to progress in my professional life later.

It also helps to know that in order to take "production" classes in the UT Radio-Television-Film department, students first were required to take pre-requisite courses, one of which was "Narrative Strategies." The class was supposed to be an examination of the principles that go into storytelling, and how all of the elements of a film work together to tell a story. Pretty simple.

In order to justify RTF as anything other than a trade-school type program, an infusion of academia has to be allocated into the mix. So, anyone with an RTF degree should know that faculty are never going to just let it go at "how to tell a good story". RTF faculty also fancy themselves armchair sociologists. So, armed with some cribbed English-major techniques and whichever political leanings they bring to the classroom, Narrative Strategies became a course in which we dissected Arnie movies in order to condemn every facet of them from the proto-Marxist-Feminist POV. And then we watched many, many dumb movies which, we were told, were awesome if you were a smart Marxist like the instructors.

editor's note: For those of you who think RTF majors just sit and watch movies in class, rest assured... Our screenings were during a separate "lab" time. We had three hours of lecture and usually three hours of screenings. Between all of that and the endless readings and other studying, the class was a time sink like none I'd yet seen, and there was almost zero pay-off... Just the far-off hope of getting into a production class one day...

The instructors weren't interesting or creative. They weren't interested in teaching any content on how to make a movie. They there to spout off assertions they'd read elsewhere and pass it off as their own.

Because, see... This class wasn't designed to actually be interesting or show how to do things well. Forget learning how to tell a story... At times, it seemed the course was designed to show us how shitty everything is and send us careening on guilt trips, rather than, you know, show us effective use of three-act structure.

The point is: the instructors were not filmmakers. These were people who liked to watch movies and had somehow found a way to make a career out of watching movies without ever actually producing anything of interest. And because they held degrees and we did not(and Randy will like this), our opinions were tiny and stupid, and their opinions were enlightened and wise.

"Do you," I asked early on, "Really believe that anybody working on these movies really, intentionally does any of this stuff you're dwelling on?"
"That's not the point," I was told. "These are issues which are societal, and the art reflects the society."
"Then why don't you blame society instead of Arnie?"
"Because he's perpetuating the stereotypes."
"Are you saying that no people from the Middle-East are terrorists?" (pre 9-11, post viewing of True Lies.)
"He's saying they're terrorists."
"No, he said these people were terrorists. He didn't say all Middle-Eastern people are terrorists."
"Well, Ryan, look at how they're portrayed. They're bumbling and incompetent."
"So they have to be competent terrorists."
"They don't have to be terrorists. Why didn't he pick a white militant group?"
And at this point, we were getting way out of the scope of what I was willing to argue in front of a class at age 19. "I don't know," I admitted, and I let it drop.

It's not that I necessarily even really disagreed with the instructors, but this was new to me. And the fact that we couldn't really discuss without risking our grade... And I wanted to be a good little lefty, but my brain was frying trying to go along with the little logical loops my instructor was tying.

After two class sessions of endless discussion on the plain-as-day racism of John Ford's The Searchers, (being presented as if the instructor had uncovered the Ark of the Covenant rather than just regurgitating what was in last night's reading...), and then having to sit through general cowboy bashing, and the general emasculation of, say, wanting to ride a horse... I tossed out a point I wanted to discuss.

"In the movie, they wore really big hats."
"Yes, they did."
"I mean, those are big hats."
"And what do you think it says?"
"Well, you know... John Wayne's hat-"
"Ethan's hat..."
"Ethan's hat was very, very large."
"And I think we can see that John Ford is trying to make these characters bigger than life."
"Yup."
"And was there anything else about the hats that you noticed? Color?"
"No. I was watching the movie and I just said to myself, 'Wow. Those are some big hats.'"
She paused, looking down at me in my front row seat, then turned to the class. "Does anyone else have anything to add about the hats?"
The room sat in silence.
"John Wayne had to take off his hat when he came through the door," I offered up.
"Yes," she nodded, trying to decide if I had just dropped one letter grade or two. "He did."

Even as I write this, I am so embarrassed my parents paid for my schooling.

But I am oft fascinated with hats, and my instructor wore this one dumb, sort of S&M biker hat. I remember that. It was her totem to indicate she was some sort of free-spirit thinker-type. And maybe she was. It was also sort of a bleak look into what happened to college-hipsters who hadn't yet given up the ghost. She was still young enough to pull it off, but it was just now crossing this side of dorky...

We watched other movies. The worst of which was King Lear, by Jean-Luc Godard. I don't remember much about it, but I recall it had Molly Ringwald and Burgess Meredith... and I am not making this up... I've had more fun getting teeth pulled. It was the worst movie I have, to this day, ever seen. And I watched most of From Justin to Kelly. But Godard's Lear was the sort of masturbatory nonsense we were supposed to be deriving a lesson from, I guess.

What lesson, you ask? Ho ho ho! You don't get it?

Well, if you don't know, the instructor said, I can't explain it to you.

This was more or less the MO following our screenings.

I do recall being unable to just fall asleep at screenings due to the uncomfortable seats provided. And, man, I tried.

We had to write a paper on a 30-second ad spot we'd recorded. And unsure or what to really do, I figured with the tone of the class it'd be like shooting fish in a brrel if I recorded a "Diamonds are Forever" spot and then talked about how dumb people are for believing diamonds are going to make them happy. I rambled on about the false promise of the commerical for pages on end. And, having no money myself, I figured people who could afford diamonds were jerks, anyway, so it wasn't that hard to write.

I got a B- and everyone else got A's. I was kind of pissed. I'm still not really sure if I picked the wrong commercial, or if my shot-by-shot analysis didn't match up with my instructor's, but she didn't like my paper.

I went and talked to her about it, because, frankly, my grades already sucked.

She looked a bit dazed as I entered her office.

"What's up?"
"Sometimes," and suddenly she was confiding in me, I guess, " I don't think the students like me very much."
"Really?" Because, I wanted to say, we don't, but we were really hoping you hadn't noticed. We all need A's.
"Do you get that?" she asked, wide-eyed, looking for an in...
"Well... It's like this," I had this chance! This shining opportunity to crush her little post-grad heart! To dance about and point out what a lame waste-of-time the class was, and how her inane blatherings always made me late for Danish 502 day after day. "I'm not sure this material is for everybody," I lied. "It's a prerequisite class."
"Maybe."
"Well, yeah. You're fine," I was crumbling. "A lot of people just don't get what you're going for."
She nodded that slow, accepting nod. Yes, I had confirmed that we didn't really like her, but it wasn't HER we didn't like. It was this material she presented, we weren't ready for her profound wisdom yet...

I felt bad for her for maybe two weeks. She knew we hated her. Or at least that i hated her. And she never did change my grade, nor was I ever satisfied with her lack of answer as to why my grade sucked.

When we watched "Dead Poets Society", which, at that point, I was sick of anyway... My patience began to dwindle as the instructor spent ten minutes talking about how the movie was full of false promises of hope and rebellion. Keep in mind, the movie ends with a bunch of rich kids standing on their desks shouting "Oh Captain, my captain..." Not exactly the Bastille.

"Well," I asked. "What did you want for them to do?"
"As a form of rebellion?"
"Yeah. I mean, you spent ten minutes telling us these guys are suckers for reading poetry. What do you want them to do?"
"That's not really the point..."
"Yeah it is. You said they weren't rebelling. It sounds to me like you know what you wanted to see."
"I'm not sure."
"I don't understand," I was doing that thing where I can hear myself talking, but my brain is only able to listen as my mouth runs off on its own, "How you can say it isn't the right answer if you don't know what the answer is. You're saying they aren't rebelling. What did you want to see them do?"
"What do you think they should have done?"
"I don't know," I shrugged. "I have no idea. But you sound like you know what the official answer should be."
Her patience was wilting. "It's up to the film maker to say what they thought they should do, and, in this case, they didn't give a sufficient answer."
"Okay. If YOU were the filmmaker, what would YOU have them do?"
"But, Ryan... I'm not the filmmaker. We're talking about what's actually in the movie-"
"Were they supposed to put the evil dean's head on a pike? I don't understand-"
"That's not really pertinent," I was cut off. "And we can talk about it after class."
We never talked about it after class.

The single most bizarre lecture came about when we got to watch The Weather Channel for an hour one day. The bent was: The Weather Channel is racist. Because, you know, it doesn't do enough to appeal to minorities.

At one point we watched "Cops", and were told it was "keeping minorities down." When pointed out how many shirtless white dudes actually appeared on the show, we were instructed that it was really trying to keep down the poor, and race didn't matter. Then the instructor pointed out that all of the people on Cops have to sign waivers in order to appear on the show, and I wasn't really sure how that was keeping people down if they didn't HAVE to appear on the show. Never did get a solid answer on that one.

It went on and on like that. Shoemaker seemed to be in class less and less often.

I studied for the exam with Blake and Johnny (who was actually a really good director, I later found out). We'd spent the last few weeks dwelling on "post-modernism" as a hot topic (this is 1994, I think). And finally we took the exam.

And I did really shitty. I mean, not too shitty, but not great. I got a B in the class.

But by then, I didn't care. This was the dumbest class I ever had, and, even after taking a victory lap and collecting 180 hours worth of credits, is still the dumbest college-level class I ever took.

I recall being handed the evaluation for the instructor and carefully bubbling in the sheet to indicate my displeasure. But then I was facing off against the giant blank space left for comments, which, I understood, the instructors actually read. The risk always being that the instructor would know your handwriting, and you'd see that instructor again at some point, and then WHAM-O!!!

But I knew, sitting there with #2 pencil clutched in hand... I never wanted to take another class from this person. Never. Not even if it meant I'd never graduate. And so, as everyone else's pencils flitted back and forth, scrawling out our shared vitriol, I carefully diagramed how the instructor's last name could be an anagram for "ANGER". And that was it.

This was a far cry from the heart and flowers I had drawn around my "Image and Sound" instructor's name.

"Anger" was going to get the form back, and, I had no doubt, would figure out it was the boy who done it... But I didn't care anymore. She sucked. She sucked bad. She had no place in a classroom bugging the hell out of impressionable young minds.

And that was it.

I did see her in the hallway the next semester, carting around a big box full of stuff from her office.

"Hi Ryan."
"Hi."
She knew. I knew she knew it was me. At least my paranoid delusions led me to believe she knew.
"How's school?" she asked.
"Okay. Busy. You teaching?"
And she launched into some dumb, boring story I can't even recall, nor can I recall whether she was or was not teaching. I don't think so, though.

I looked her up before writing this. She's now teaching somewhere in the UK, where I am sure, she feels she is perfectly understood.

When everyday tom-foolery goes horribly, horribly wrong...

THE BEES!!!!

A fair and balanced view of liberalism you can now share with your children!

There's a liberal under by bed!

Here is a picture of Arden. Arden is the child of Jill and Jess Hermann-Wilmarth. Arden showed up on Thursday morning to the great delight of Jill and Jess, as well as that of quite a bit of Georgia and the greater North American region.

Please note that Arden is, in no way, named Ryan 2. For which we shall petition Jill. If you think this little bundle of joy should be named Ryan 2 instead of Arden, fill in the comments below.

In the meantime, congratulations to Jill and Jess and Arden. Arden is now prepared to rock the house.


Arden contemplates a life outside of a bubble of amniotic fluid...

If Arden were a cartoon, he would look like this:

Editor's note: Jim D. recently purchased a copy of Marvel Comics' "Ultimates". He asked me for a few words of explanation, and then suggested I copy the e-mail I wrote him on Marvel's Ultimates line and post it here, so post it here I shall.

To explain Ultimates is to understand Marvel's past few years as a company.



A few years ago Marvel got a new President, Bill Jemas, and a new Editor-in-Chief, Joe Quesada. Marvel had been really struggling during the late 90's, and was trying to figure out how to resolve what they perceived as the problems with their current titles. They brought in fresh blood in the higher offices (with Quesada brought in from his mature reader line of Marvel Knights to helm the ship. I don't recall where Jemas came from).

Both X-Men and Spider-Man were (as you will constantly hear about) mired in 40 years of continuity. This made it difficult for new readers to jump in. And even if they did go back and buy old issues, often those stories were dated and didn't make sense if you wanted to say a character was only, say, 30 years old.

For example, the Fantastic Four's origin is tied directly to the Space Race. Sue Storm states "we need to beat the commies!" And then they jump in a space capsule.

So, rather than jettison the ongoing series, Marvel launched Ultimate Spider-Man (pre-movie) to retell the origin of Spider-Man and reintroduce the villains with more updated origins and costumes, etc...

For example, Venom in the original series is tied to Secret Wars, a mini-series from 1982 or so. Secret Wars isn't coming back, and it's kind of lame to point to a series that's 20 years old and outside of the actual Spider-Man titles for reference. Ultimate Spider-Man gave Venom a new origin and tied it more closely to Spider-Man.

Sounds lame, but they assigned a top writer and artist to the project. The rest is history.

I've also wondered if Ultimate Spider-Man wasn't a safety valve for Spider-Man in the "post Clone Saga era" in order to bring back readers who swore off Spider-Man forever.

After Ultimate Spider-Man became a #1 seller, they tried Ultimate Team-Up to introduce "Ultimate" versions of classic characters. Ultimate X-Men followed, then Ultimates.

I pick up the trades of Ultimate Spider-Man. I pick up the trades of Ultimates (mostly because the actual issues have come out very erratically. 13 issues in 2.4 years?). I don't care for Ultimate X-men all that much, and only read the first trade before abandoning it. It seemed almost like a Mountain Dew commerical to me. But I'm generally off X-Men altogether these days. Ultimate FF is definitely the greatest departure from the source material. It's interesting, but it's very different in a lot of ways.

These comics sell very, very well. However, I'm not sure they've expanded sales to "new readers" as intended, and they stand the chance of dropping the value of the source material instead of enhancing it.

On the whole, I don't think this has been either good or bad. The Ultimate line was the success story of the short reign of Bill Jemas before the board fired him for continually insulting readers, retailers and pretty much everybody who came in his path. Not to mention Jemas went out of his way to turn the friendly rivalry between Marvel and DC into Marvel tossing direct insults at DC staff, comics, etc... ruining forty years of cordial relations. Plus, he launched multiple lines which nose-dived, re-wrote whole scripts himself, and was doing other s**t which was kind of insane. Further, Ultimates drove content into a PG-13 direction which the board considered not good if they wanted to expand the market out of retail stores once again and draw in kids. (editor's note: Jemas also began making moves to jettison the old titles and would only sell Ultimate line versions of the characters for various projects. You can still see Ultimate Wolverine turn up in some odd places. You can see how the PG-13 thing, plus putting Wolverine on a towel for 5 years olds might not fly.)

If you can't tell, I couldn't stand Jemas, and I find Quesada (still at Marvel) to be immature and obnoxious. (editor's note: for clarification, Quesada routinely takes credit for the success of all things Marvel whether or not he had anything to do with them. Ie, the success of the Spider-Man movies... He also keeps up the middle-school taunt of calling the Time Warner owened DC Comics "AOL Comics")

I suspect Quesada's days are numbered as well. The success of Marvel has almost occured in spite of these two rather than because of them.

Really, they can thank Brian Michael Bendis and Mark Millar for pulling their fat out of the fire.

I feel like I can read both Ultimate Spider-Man and Amazing Spider-Man without too many worries. I've never liked Avengers, but I find Ultimates interesting when I read, so that's a success in my book.

Anyway, none of the series are more than a few years old, so you can probably find all of their trades at the local comic shop without too much effort, and you'd then have the complete series.

Has anyone else seen this synchronized diving? How is that a sport? Apparently pretty much activity two people can do simultaneously is now a sport.

In four years, Jim D. and I will enter in the Synchronized origami folding. We're going to kick ass.

Saw Harold and Kumar today. A very, very silly B movie if there ever was one. I will say, I have to get behind any movie with Neil Patrick Harris as himself, a cheetah and a pointed effort to make fun of the "Extreme" movement. But, again... a B movie. Make no mistake. Wait for cable or DVD rental.

Just finished watching the coverage of the Olympics' opening ceremony. Katie Couric is the dumbest human being alive.

Finally, a candidate The League can believe in!

Barbie in 2004!

Olympics are on...

Yes, tonight the Olympics begin in Athens. Once every four years I get a chance to complain that all they ever show is 14 year olds on a balance beam. This is something, normally, nobody would tune into if you PAID them. But, once every four years we tune in like nobody ever walked on a balance beam before.

Sigh.

At least it's not the winter olympics, which always leave me totally baffled. I'm a kid from the south. I fear snow. It confuses me. How can a solid form of moisture hang suspended in the sky? HOW CAN THAT HAPPEN???? (they're not telling us something at the AMS... I just know it.)

While The League is not an official sponsor of the Olympic games, the League BELIEVES in the Olympic games. We may get bored with some of the sports, but we like the amazing things which can happen.

So The League will be constantly seeking out TaeKwonDo, basketball, track & field events, and soccer.

The League encourages you to tune in, too. And to count the number of McDonald's commercials. Because, despite the fact no Olympic athlete in their right mind would ever eat at McDonald's, McDonald's buys ad spots all over the Olympic coverage every time.

Heidi McDonald writes a good Comics Blog. So far, I have forgotten to link off to her.

But today, I couldn't pass this up. It's a panel depicting a confrontation between Dr. Doom and Luke Cage (aka: Power Man).

Go here to see some clunky, clunky dialog.

according to The Superman Homepage:

the guy who plays Clark Kent on the WB's Smallville, Tom Welling, has signed on to star in a new movie. But Tom cannot say what movie quite yet. Curious that 1) he can't say which movie at the moment, and 2) that the Superman movie is finally getting rolling under director Bryan Singer.

A coincidence?

Apparently there's a contingent out there who believes Welling has signed on to play somebody named "Goku" in a live action Dragon Ball Z movie. I have never watched Dragon Ball, but I think they're talking about the monkey dude with the awesome hair.

Wow. I hate to think Tom would pass on Superman for a monkey-man role, but more power to him.

Speaking of Smallville... on The Superman Homepage, there's also a rumor that Flash II, Barry Allen, will make a guest appearance on Smallville this season. I'm a little young to be a true Barry Allen fan, but that sounds like good news to me.

Thanks, Science!

Jim D. sends along this article which explains why people in Wisconsin will one day grow to rule the world.

DC and Batman say "SCREW YOU" to collectors

Disclaimer: Some serious nerding out to occur in this post. Look out.

New comic book day is Wednesday. Unless a holiday screws up the UPS shipping schedule, your newly minted comics will be at your local retailer each and every Wednesday. And like a good little pre-programmed freak, each Wednesday or Thursday (depending on how busy I am), I go down to my local shop and pick up my weekly stash of comics.

There exists more than one Batman comic. In fact, there are probably 8 or 9 of them. Within the industry, the collection of comics surrounding a single character are usually called a "family", and are run under a single editorial head. So, you have a number of Batman comic per month, which can mean more than one Batman comic per week, depending on if you really want to read all of the Batman books which come out.

I do not.

I read all of the Superman stuff, but keeping up with all the Batman stuff is near impossible, and a lot of it suffers from uneven writing and/ or art.

The Batman titles include:

Detective Comics (which Batman first appeared in back in issue #27. I think we're up to 800 now).
Batman
Batman: Gotham Knights
Legends of the Dark Knight
Robin
Nightwing
Batgirl
Birds of Prey
Superman/ Batman
My Dinner with Commissioner Gordon
Alfred's Totally Excellent Adventure
etc...
plus, and unlimited number of limited series runnign at any time

Point being, there are many titles, and I think I read 4 of them. Actually, it's more like... nevermind.

But one thing DC promised it would quit doing about two years ago was to create a big-multi-part story which would require you to buy all of the comics from a certain family. The idea was, they would create a huge, industry spanning event which would draw a lot of attention and drum up sales for ALL of the books in the family. But, usually, these stories turned out to be the most half-assed stories all year as more than half-a-dozen writers are asked to write only one part of a story, and only the editor knows what's really going on. And the reader DOES have to buy all the parts so you know what the hell is going on.

This means, say I normally buy half of the Batman comics... now, in order to know what is going on in Detective in July, I have to get everything else in June. This might mean 6 or 7 extra comics.

As a kid, I enjoyed chasing down all the parts. As an adult, I feel screwed.

But DC hadn't done this in two years, coming off the tragically flawed "Joker's Last Laugh" story arc. I'm not a fan of the idea of editor and business driven series, but when the Batman Family editors said "We're doing a huge story arc about a gang-war in Gotham, and it's called 'War Games'", I said: Okay. Sure. Why not. It'd been a while.

They kicked War Games off last week with a $0.12 comic, called Batman: The Twelve Cent Adventure.

Cool enough.

And then, this week, I pick up my Batman comics, one of which is NOT my regular title, but which is necessary to follow the story, and... they wrapped the comics in sealed mylar bags. Apparently there is a promotional CD-Rom for Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow inside of the bag being sold with the comic.

This is a HUGE problem for the collector.

Usually I take very good care of my comics between shop and home, read the comics a few times, re-check out the art, blah blah blah... and then the comics get put into a plastic poly-bag. The comics are then put away into longboxes in my closet. At this point, I believe the comics to still be in very good condition.

But if the comic is in a sealed mylar bag, I stand a chance of damaging the comic while opening the bag. Also, no matter what... when I OPEN the mylar bag, the comic is instantly valueless. It has instantly lost any claim to being "Near Mint." Which, in collector's terms, means the comic is worth the cost of the paper it's printed on.

(someday I shall relate the absolute horror I felt as my brother's pal, Suzannah, grabbed one of my comics and used it as a coaster... She will never know how close she came to being forcibly ejected from my house that day.)

For REAL collectors out there, a sealed mylar bag means they will need to buy TWO copies of the comic. One copy to open and to read, and one copy to keep in the mylar, which, in turn, whill be sealed in a poly-bag. This, of course, drives sales of the damn comics through the roof.

The last time I remember this ploy really working was The Death of Superman, which bagged the Death of Superman issue in a black mylar bag (with a bloody Superman logo emblazoned upon the plastic...). Then, when Supes returned from the "dead", they had a white mylar bag. I have copies of the Death of Superman and his return in the mylar bags and opened. Sigh.

I decided not to buy two copies of the same comics as, let's be honest, it's going to be my estate which will be selling my Batman and Superman comics. I'm way too much of a packrat to let those go.

Long and the short... DC and Marvel are returning to their money making tricks of the early-90's. I expect foil covers to be making a re-appearance very soon.

About ten months ago, The League ran a Halloween movie watching contest. Unfortunately, one of the favored movies from the list wasn't even available on DVD.

Tod Browning directed the classic Lugosi Dracula, and then went on to enter this bit of cinema into the field, effectively terminating his own career.

Anyway, Jim D. has announced the release of Tod Browning's Freaks.

Maxwell, in her entry to The League's contest, wrote this:

Freaks: Not so much scary as truly disturbing, Freaks tells the story of a trapeze artist, a midget, and a bunch of "REAL LIVE FREAKS". What could go wrong?The first time I saw this movie I was so uncomfortable I couldn't stop laughing. Not in a ha ha, look at the funny freaks way either. More like a "Dear GOD what is that THING?" kind of way, which sounds terribly Princess Bride and horribly un-PC...scary stuff indeed. Plus, I imagine watching this movie will enhance your enjoyment of Carnivale, or pretty much any Carnie work created in it's shadow. Bonus: Chant "One of Us One of Us" at the dinner table and know what it referenced before the Simpsons.

Oh, Bitter Irony...

Jeff Shoemaker sends along this article about the recent colorization of some 3 Stooges classics.

In the article, Lucas rails against altering movies.

Jim D is somewhere rightfully gnashing his teeth.

I know you don't see this as good news, but if I can get Jamie to finally leave me, I think I might have a chance. I'm going to start hanging around Radio Shack and see what materializes.


the near-perfect Vanessa Williams
ponders her future, as she is now
free to entertain notions about The League

Are you registered to vote?

You're probably not, you lazy bastard.

I recommend you get registered in order that you participate in that dream of mob rule, that which The League calls: Democracy!

Get signed up to vote officially here with the Federal Election Commission.

Or, if you want MTV helping you out (God help us...), here's the web-site for Rock the Vote!

And, for a hip, and still MTVish site, here's Declare Yourself. I think these are those funny pro-voting commercials I've seen during The Daily Show and other places. I love Amy Poehler. If you get a chance, check out these commercials.

Now get out there and be an ill-informed voter who votes on a single issue. Me, I vote strictly around tariffs on the mango trade.

Fake high school only slightly less accurate than real high school.

You kind of have to admire the sheer will to do something this irresponsible and wrong. I mean, this took work.

It finally happened. It took until August, but it happened.

It's so hot, I wish I were dead.

Sorry for the complete lack of posts of late.

Nothing afoot or afoul here. Just very, very busy. Karen and Rick, the parental units, were here Friday evening through Monday 7:30am. So that was going on. Plus, we had to actually clean the house a bit in preparation of their arrival.

I have to say it was nice having the folks here. We didn't really do ANYTHING, but the change of pace was welcome.

Also, looks like King Kong star Fay Wray has died.

The world loses another piece of the mystery and magic of early cinema.


even in the grip of a giant, smelly gorilla... Fay Wray was pretty hot

If you ever see that King Kong is coming to DVD or cable, watch it. It's really a phenomenal movie. I didn't see it until high school, but it's a heck of a lot of fun, the story is engaging, and the effects are unbelievable.

I hear they are making another version in the next year or so (directed by LOTR superhero Peter Jackson). Hopefully the movie will do well and inspire a double-DVD set of the new and old versions. And I wouldn't cry if they tossed in the interesting 1970's version starring Jessica Lange and Jeff Bridges in early "The Dude" mode.

Rick James is dead. Bitch.

Job for Reed if the Electrical Engineering thing doesn't work out...?

Wanted: Court Jester

I bought a hand-written but photocopied poem off a homeless dude today for a few bucks. I don't know anything about poetry. My 12th grade English teacher made sure I was utterly disenchanted with poetry before I even left public school, and, in fact, came close to getting me to disliking reading books at all.

And so I'm not someone who lives for the written or spoken word. Sorry. But I figure $3.00 is a fair trade for poem. And I thought I'd share this $3.00 poem with you. Hell, it's more than most of us ever made off of anything we ever wrote, right?

I don't know what the poem is called, or what it's about, but I tried to copy it as closely as I could. I can't make out the poet's name. But here we go.

This is the poem:

I think of all the ways
in which our lives touch each
other, the smiles and the secret
looks that pass between us.
Words that go unsaid, but are
understood nonetheless, as if I knew
you long before we actually met, on
that day. there was recognition-
a sense of deja vu. You share your
innermost thoughts and deepest
feelings with me. you are my -
traveling companion. my teacher
my guide along the way showing
me who i am and who i can
become. you shower me with
love and i am fulfilled You surr-
ound me with warmth and i am
comforted...

Jeff the Cat

Greetings, Leaguers - Mrs. League here. The League has invited me to guest blog, so I guess I'll play along. I feel the League has done an excellent job of describing crappy desert living, but one little fella that has not gotten much attention has been Jeff the Cat.

Jeff the Cat (full name Jeffrey Taylor Steans - the League supplying the 'Taylor' in honor of his love for Planet of the Apes) was selected from a passel of cute kittens at the Austin SPCA in July of 1999. We would soon realize that the temporary name of 'Tuffy' the shelter folks had given him actually meant something. Jeff was a 'feisty' kitty and would attack most anything that moved. While some claim declawing to be inhumane, I contend that the permanent scars on my legs prove otherwise. But Jeff the Cat would not be discouraged! What he could not accomplish with his claws, he would get done with his teeth. That lasted until I got a nasty infection (I'm on a lot of immunosuppressants) and then he got his incisors shaved.

All of this may lead you to think we dislike Jeff the Cat. Not so, Leaguers! Yes, he does from time to time get yelled at and squirted with water, but for the most part these days he seems to have mellowed. I am relieved to report that it's been quite some time since I last had my leg chomped. He's still awfully cute, still plays by himself with random pieces of trash, still finds kitty forts to hide in, will still perform whole backflips while playing with the feather-on-a-stick toy, and still has one hell of a personality. On top of all that - the most important thing to remember about Jeff the Cat is that he once saved the League's life by alerting him to a fan that had caught fire in the room. Thank you, kitty.

Oh, stories about Mel.

1) On Sunday I bathed Mel
2) On Monday I accidentally left him outside while I was at the gym.
3) During this time, he dug a hole and laid down in it. The ground was wet as the sprinklers are going twice a day for two weeks to help out the fertilizer so my grass grows. Normally, I wouldn't care, but I relaized if I ever want to leave Arizona, I have to be able to sell my house. I am noiw taking care of my house so I can get rid of it.
4) Mel was terribly muddy when he came inside. he slept on the tile and had to stay there the next day.
5) Tuesday mel dug a deeper hole and laid down in it, getting muddier.
6) So I washed Mel... again. And then i mopped the floor.
7) Mel came in, and then snuck up on the nice couch, which he is not supposed to sit on. It now smells like wet dog.
8) Last night, Jamie was tossing and turning, so I went and crashed in the Guest room (only second time I've done this in almost 9 years together). Mel decides he should sleep in guest bed, too.
9) Covered in fur, slightly damp, and heavier than Jamie, Mel is kicked out of bed at about 2:00am.
10) Jeff the cat sits on my head at 4:00am, waking me up and causing a ruckus.

Constantine trailer.

This looks terrible. Whoever is responsible... well, I'm not going to geek out here. See for yourself.

For something which looks pretty good, here's the trailer to Garden State.

I've invited Mrs. League and Cpt. Reed T. Shaw to Guest Blog.

Reed is headed for the final few tour dates of that mystery of mystery bands... Phish. Reed will surely liven things up around this place, and cast a certain glow to The League we've long since been lacking.

We're waiting to see if Jamie decides to guest-blog.

A quick perusal of my sitemeter will show that The League is quickly becoming the hot spot to visit when you are annoyed by Kristen Kreuk's portrayal of Lana Lang on TV's Smallville. I have to thank Jim for that. He's the one who linked over to IMDB.com for me. This has also resulted in The League finding a link on hollywoodjesus.com, which they clearly plucked from imdb.com.

Aside from that, Sitemeter doesn't reveal all that much. It's hard to know where 60% of my hits are coming from, who the people are, why they are here, how long they stay...

I wasn't so much wallowing in pity when I declared that "nobody reads this damn site," as wallowing in confusion. It's tough to know who the readership is. It's even tougher to know how to draw in new readers. I tell you what, though. Posting on the Alzare ad and putting together the words "Ann Coulter nude" on this site has drawn me more hits than I dare count.

But, mostly, is The League offering up content which would make a column which people are actually willing to read? Well, I thank those of you not married to me for tuning in day after day, week after week.

Randy suggested restarting a new sitemeter account, but I don't see how that would clear up my problem. Reed seems to fear I'll begin placing ads, but that sounds really complicated and The League is bitch to no corporate entity but DC Comics and blogger.com.

Anyway, with the completion of the 2004 Mellies, I'm feeling a bit out of steam. And as nothing I'd care to write about here is happening in my life, I am scrambling for content.

Having a comments section has been enlightening and entertaining, so that's here to stay. Everyone has done a great job of playing well together. And it helps me keep tabs on Loyal Leaguers.

Randy has an idea for something we can do. it's going to take a bit of work from both of us, will meet the criteria of both this page and RHPT.com and will take up a few minutes of your day sometime when we finish.

In the meantime, I open the floor to comments and suggestions for content. Does anything puzzle you about The League? Anything baffle you? I can answer questions, too, I guess. I dunno.

I'm plum out.

Pulitzer Prize winner Michael Chabon recently gave the keynote address at the Eisner awards(an industry award for excellence in comics). Chabon is author of Wonder Boys and The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay.

The transcript of his speech can be found here.

And it is a kick in the pants to an industry which likes to make like an ostrich all too often.

Nobody is reading this damn site.

If you are reading just post a "hello" in the comments section. You don't even have to properly identify yourself, but it would be nice.

Site meter stinks. I can't really tell anything about my traffic anymore.

Also, comments and suggestions for topics are always welcome and appreciated.

God bless 'em...

the preview is now available for Matt Stone and Trey Parker's Team America.

Slow weekend. Sort of.

I saw The Village, and I'm not sure what I think. It was okay. That daughter of Ron Howard's probably has a career ahead of her. I might add it's nice to see a 20-something actress making an appearance without having to first star in a Nickelodeon tv-show or having had ever appeared on the WB.

Spoiler here

Look, I don't think it takes a rocket scientist to know that M. Night Shayamalan is going to throw you a curveball at the end of the movie. So instead of just watching his movies, at this point, you kind of sit there and try and figure what the clues are.

The problem is this: Shyamalan pulled his trick in 6th Sense, and then let you get your guard down for Unbreakable, and then... POW! he got you again. From what I hear, he did the same thing in Signs (I never saw it).

So who really believes at this point the guy isn't just going to keep recycling the same gag? He's like the nerdy kid at the party who got everyone to laugh with his great joke, so he keeps telling it to the same people, over and over, trying to get the same reaction.

Maybe it's a spoiler that this movie has a twist ending. You can be like Jamie and declare you'd pieced it all together before the movie ended, or you can be like me, and feel a bit impatient to figure out exactly what the twist is by the change to the second act... because you know that whatever he's telling you now isn't true.

The point is: watching a movie isn't real-life. In a movie, you're given a limited amount of information, and you have to accept that what the story is telling you is true. Yes, it worked once or twice with Shyamalan, but what if every movie pulled this stunt...? people would abandon movies altogether. Every bit of information you're using to enjoy the movie becomes suspect when you know any bit of it could be misleading.

Sure... you can always surprise people if you lie to them for two hours. At some point, I just kind of wonder what else Shyamalan has other than this one parlor trick. He seems like a competent director and the actors did fairly well with what they had to work with.

Unfortunately, I'm not watching this movie in a vaccuum. I remember Shyamalan's previous efforts. Perhaps if this were my first, I'd have been somewhat impressed. But for me, the entire last third of this movie lost its steam.

end spoilers

Go catch this one if you were thinking of seeing it. It's okay. And it had Sigourney Weaver and William Hurt who are two actors I've always dug. It's creepy, and has some nifty stuff in it.

The new Justice League Unlimited series premiered this weeked. They've taken the show into a new direction I wasn't really anticipating, but I think I can get into. Looks like the JL is officially sanctioned, has more of a space station than a satellite, and has a staff running their various space hangars, etc... Kind of cool. But not what I was anticipating.

The story was a decent enough intro to what this incarnation of the JL is up to. The art is up to last season's standards, they've added 3D for some space scenes, and the voice talent was pretty good. All in all, it was a lot of fun. The opening scene with GA was about as classic GA as I think you're going to find.

My complaint: The new music stinks. Shirley Walker scored a lot of the Batman/ Superman animated work (including the phenomenal theme to the Batman/ Superman Adventures, circa 1997). Why Ms. Walker wasn't selected, and a screaming 80's electric guitar was chosen in her stead is something only Bruce Timm can know.

I really enjoyed seeing so many DC characters get little cameos (anyone else see Zatanna on the people-mover?), and I look forward to JLU plunging into television spotlights for so many of these characters. It was good to see the animated version of Supergirl return, and to see Captain Atom and Green Arrow done spot-on for TV.

Teen Titans was also well done, bringing the Judas Contract storyline from the comics (circa 1982) to a head.

I'm really getting into Megas XLR on Cartoon Network. The G-Force inspired episode from last week was absolutely hysterical, and this week's episode was pretty good as well.

Over at RHPT.com this weekend, Randy ponders what makes a movie good or bad, pointing out that his bottom line is entertainment value. And then takes a pot shot over Dedman's bow by taking a jab at Jim's worship of the Dogme 95 flick, The Celebration.

I see Randy's point, to some extent. I mean, if he enjoys a film, be it The Care Bear Movie or Wild Strawberries, shouldn't that be enough?

There are two answers to this question.

Popular answer: Yes. If you like something, that's all you need to know.

Critical answer: No. All art forms should be held to some critical standard with which to judge their merit for the present and for the long-term.

The movie trailer which raised the question was National Treasure, which I'm going to have to side with Dedman on. This looks like a stinker. Ughhh.. I'm not sure I need a film degree to see this being a paint-by-numbers clunker.

The trick The League has learned to employ is admitting The League is enjoying a movie, even when the The League knows a movie is bad. This doesn't make you, as a viewer, less of a person. But at least you can acknowledge that maybe the film you are watching was not as craftily put together as it could have been. It doesn't mean you're stupid for enjoying a bad movie. It means that you're freely enjoying something awful. If people couldn't do this, we might have Police Academy 1 and 2. But would we have all 6?

Critics be damned..! Movie studios are trying to woo the hard-to-please comic dork fanbase. Funny thing... turns out that if you don't go in and change everything about a comic book in order to bring it to the big screen, it can still make money (ie, Spider-Man, X-Men, etc...)

Apparently it's beginning to dawn on producers that you do have a built in audience if you make these movies according to the comics, but you lose that core if you step away from the source material. And given the money that comic nerds will be willing to spend if you actually give them something they want to see, studios are taking notice.

check out the article here. It details film events at Comic-Con 2004. Thanks to Jim D. for the article.

Unfortunately for the studios: many comic fans cannot separate cartoons from reality, and they tend to be a little blunt if they didn't like your last outing. So don't go to Comic-Con expecting the kid-gloves treatment. Comic fans are not known for their social graces.

I might point out that no self-respecting comic nerd will go see the new film "Constantine," based upon Alan Moore's pet DC creation, John Constantine. If the producers really think the comic fans are going to like the changes they've made, they are wrong. Trying to figure out why Constantine has to be British is like asking why Bond can't be American, or why Catwoman can't be Catman. Between Constantine and Catwoman, it's gonna be a long year for DC Comics at the movies.

Saw the tariler for Batman Begins on the big screen. I enjoyed it. Couldn't tell if a single other person in the theater even shrugged.