I know this has already been circulating for a while, but...



Scientician A: What's the steering wheel for again?

Scientician B: Goddammit, Ernie, it's gotta look futuristic. It's for the Time Travel-o-scope.

Scientician A: And we have pressure gauges why?

Scientician B: To show the doo-hickeys and whatzits clackin' away. Don't you know nuthin' about nuthin'? Now go fetch me those blinking lightbulbs. We gotta fancy up this console. I still say this thing should take up most of a Woolsworth's if it's gonna be from the future.

Hardee's' decides to lighten up their menu
-Mrs. League

Mrs. League presents:
TOYS THAT SHOULD NOT BE

I know that this is probably a comma placement mistake and not a real toy, but I'm damn curious about the "38" Playtime Trampoline Happy, Birthday Bear".

**Update: They fixed the comma already.

Other toys on the bad list this year:
-Pocket Rocket Miniature Motorcycle
-Megabuster Battle Weapon
-Imaginarium Police Car Building Blocks
-Dress Me Paz (I'm imagining Paz as some naked doll version of Tipsy McStaggers)
-Fun Slides Carpet Skates (aren't these usually called socks?)
-Air Burst Rockets
-Parents Magazine Mirror Pound-A-Ball
-3 Gun Squad Set -- Uz-1 Commando Machine Gun

Couple of good news items to get you started...

Austinites and former Austinites... even under Chapter 11, Katz's Never Closes!

I suspect they will pay off their creditors with buckets of pickles.

Look, it's overpriced and the wait can be ridiculous, but I love Katz's. Seriously love it. It would be a shame if they shut down. Of course, Mr. Katz is all but a gangster, so I'd be curious to know where all the money from that joint went. How can you always be busy and still file Chap. 11?

Maybe popularity really fell off since I left... who knows..?

My brother on the weather in Austin last night? It's raining a little bit...

And this isn't so much news as infotainment, but it's Superman related and gets me pumped about primetime television:

Krypto the Superdog may be making an appearance on Smallville.

In addition to appearing briefly in a cameo on JLU this season, Krypto is getting his own cartoon for pre-schoolers, and he's now going to be on Smallville.

From Kryptonsite's Rumorville

Krypto in Smallville?

Here's some gossip for you, that again we're not posting on the spoilers page until there is some official confirmation.

Rumor has it that the title of episode #4-13 is "Krypto." For those of you unfamiliar with the Silver Age Superman comic books or recent stories in current continuity, Krypto is Superman's super-powered dog from Krypton. No word yet on how it will be handled on the show. But hey - we were right about the Flash and Mxyzptlk, so we'd say it's a safe bet!

Stay tuned.

So there are some really nice things about having your own little website.

One of the nice things is how it keeps you up to date with folks, and how it kind of creates a little bubble world with people orbiting around it.

Recently Maxwell was updating her bio on her blog, and I was asked to participate. Her bio is not written by Ms. Cowgirl Funk herself, but by her readership.

Anyway, as I was face-to-face with Maxwell mostly during her high school years, we ended up chatting sidebar, and I took some unexpected side trips down Memory Lane. Specifically we visited some nicer, out of the way places on Memory Lane, and then a few, dodgier holes-in-the-wall that I enjoyed, but hadn't been to in a while.

All in good fun.

I'm not in touch with too many folks from old KO anymore (although folks like Jill and Madi tend to pop up upon occasion, and its always fun). I do think its important to remember all that stuff, if, for no other reason, than to remember exactly where you came from. If you weren't that bright back then, what is 2004-you going to look like to 2015-you, Mr. Smarty-Pants?

Anyway, thanks to Maxwell for tossing some lighter fluid on the those barely glowing embers.

Another perk of being EIC of The League is that is that my readership sends me junk in the mail. GOOD JUNK in the mail, too.

Recently, Jim D. sent a crate of comics I still haven't properly sorted. And in the past two days I received some choice comics from RHPT.com and Nathan Cone, your voice of the noon-day hour on Texas Public Radio.

RHPT.com sent along several comics including this item, which is utterly fascinating.



Nathan sent along some odd artifacts located at a shop in San Antonio.


Screech: I'm even better looking in comics!
Jessie Spano: And we're all even funnier!

It's a dialog like this on the front cover that makes you think the creators were looking for a way to lash out at these juvenile delinquents after having to lose a month of their life drawing the contractually bound spin-off comic. At some point you can almsot see the editorial staff at Harvey Comics wondering aloud who put an ugly little kid like Samuel "Screech" Powers on TV. And, while lovely, wondering exactly what comedic chops Jessie Spano had shown to get a spot on the show. Funnier than on TV, indeed. Unless you count the very special episode where Jessie got hopped up on goofballs to try to handle her school load and her work with the SBTB band, Zack Attack.

Anyone remember her breakdown during "I'm So Excited!"? No? Ah, well.

The comic inside keeps to the hi-jinks of the source material, but with a greater flair than what the $10 prop budget could have afforded on SBTB. Remember when they fired Hayley Mills? And then they fired Max of The Max? Mr. Belding must have been scared s**tless he was going to lose his job. He probably condeded to take less than SAG.

What's really horrific in the comic isn't just the stoney thud of dropped gag after dropped gag. Rather, the attempts to render the SBTB gang in cartoon fashion, trying to caricature each actor, fail to capture any flattering likeness of any actor, and somehow making it clear that this was hack work as the artist fought to break into comics. There's also the possibility that the artist is at the end of his rope and can't believe he's found himself working at Harvey Comics instead of Archie, and he's maybe sick of all these damn teen-agers and their acid washed jeans.


The SBTB gang sits at their usual booth at The Max. The lovely Jessie Spano is now a deformed hag thing.

Obviously the artist was roughly familiar with the interiors used by the SBTB crew, probably from hour of reference tape or the 3 times a day the show aired in 1992 when teh comic was released. The artist actually does use the same dumb booth that was so prevalent in episode after episode of SBTB.

For a rough idea of what our SBTB friends look like, you can see them in the game below. I'll send along answers if anyone wants them. I assume you have better things to do, though.


Update: Here, Jessie Spano looks like the love child of Mask stars Cher and Rocky Dennis. AC Slater now looks like one of Roger Clinton's illegitimate children.

Nathan also sent along a Supergirl comic from 1970. I actually suspect the first story is a reprint from the late 50's, but I can't prove it. Anyway, enjoy the two panels below.


Yes, that's a talking horse. His name is Comet the Superhorse. One day I will cover Comet the Superhorse, but for now, just sit back and soak up the groovy Silver-Age vibe.


Comet the Superhorse is a) not afraid to go out like a bitch b) not afraid to leave a major pile of guilt upon the lady who brought him oats and gelded him.

And just for fun, here's The Admiral on Halloween. He poses with his 12-foot Halloween decoration and the little girl from next door. Dad was very proud of that inflatable doo-hickey. I believe the distortion on the left is Ansel Adams' (aka My Mom's) finger.


We're sending the men with the butterfly nets after the holidays. We don't want Dad's shock treatment to spoil Christmas.

For some reason, Tim Burton is remaking Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Here are some pics.

SPONSOR DOUG AS HE PEDDLES HIS WAY INTO GOOD KARMA

The League is neither particularly in-shape, nor charitable. But sometimes The League gets inspired by the hard work, determination and giving of others.

As the Holidays approach, we're selecting a few key charities we think you might like to dump your money into. Unlike stocks, bonds and bacon futures, the only thing you'll get in return is a chance to help a worthy cause and possibly assist in improving the human condition. That won't buy you a speedboat, but it will make you somewhat less evil.

The League's brother-in-law is both in-shape and charitable, and has gone and volunteered himself for the AIDS/Lifecycle. Doug will be peddling 585 miles over the course of seven days in order to raise money and awareness of the AIDS epidemic.

We're fully aware at The League that our readership is good of heart, if a little cheap. But it's creeping up on Christmas and I'm feeling full of Holiday mirth, so I'm giving you cheap bastards a shot. Back at League HQ we've taken a hard look at what we're going to sponsor this year, and we think this is a great cause. We hope you'll think so as well.

To sponsor Doug on his life-saving fantastic voyage, go here.

Tonight, our world is a little poorer.

Ol' Dirty Bastard has merged with the infinite.

I am not, in any way, familiar with hip-hop. That train left the station while I was still trying to convince people it was never going to get better than The Fat Boys.

But I did work at Camelot Records at Highland Mall from 1995-1997. And one day, while sorting the rap section, I came across this album cover. And I stood in the middle of the store laughing for five minutes.

Wu-Tang is now down a man, but The Wu will go on.

My apologies if I appear to be light of blogging.

I was busy, and now I'm taking a few days off from my usual schedule and work.

I think you can get along without me.

And, hey... while I'm out... somebody solve the mystery of why Molly hasn't blogged in over a month. What's going down in the Land of the Rising Sun?

I hereby formally endorse the new Bravo program: Long Way Round. For an agoraphobe like myself, the show is quite interesting. It also makes me want to be rich and famous so I can get corporations to sponsor my epic vacation.

And, just a general announcement: I will be in Austin for Thanksgiving. I will be giving thanks at the home of Jason Steans. Hopefully he will locate a table for us to sit at before we show up.

Gobble. Gobble.

If you're going to be in Austin, let me know.

I think Randy is getting married Saturday. Everyone cross your fingers and wish the little tyke the best of luck for the ceremony to go well.

Here is Randy with some girl. Let's hope it's the Mysterious M.

Randy, if you want a secret escape plan, I've planted a car near your house. Before you sink teh car into the lake, make sure you remove the passport and driver's license with your new identity from the glove compartment. Don't worry about the body in the car. You needed a body double, and that guy was going to die soon. I think.

Either way, best of luck, RHPT, or maybe I should say, Mr. Faizul Goldstein.

Time to get lowbrow.

Do not view this clip if you are of a delicate nature.

And, yes... a quick Google search will demonstrate that this was, in fact, a legitimate children's show. No, I don't know how they got away with it. I am sure it never happened again.

Interesting stuff online last night about The Incredibles.

Apparently Bard Bird isn't the comic book geek you'd assume he'd be from both The Iron Giant and The Incredibles. In fact, he didn't even know how close he was coming to the Fantastic Four. Instead, he developed the powers based more upon character archetypes.

Dash = 10 year old boy, which means a lot of energy to run around = superspeed
Violet = shy 13 year old girl = invisibility and invisible barriers
Elastigirl = moms getting pulled in too many directions = stretchy powers
Mr. Incredible = dad + former tough guy = super strength

Interesting enough.

The "review" I enjoyed reading was the one posted by The Beat!. Heidi had an interesting POV on the movie and pitches that this movie may have a darker underlying message and than you'd pick up on at a first glance. If you wonder where she's going with this (and maybe the name of the article is enough to get you to click over) is THE INCREDIBLES: From Nietzsche to Rand.

Anyway, read the review here.

Later this week RHPT.com and The Mysterious M join in holy matrimony.

The League has been married since April 28th, 2000, so The League feels entitled to shoot his mouth off about marital bliss.

Here are some pointers for folks about to enter into wedded bliss:

1. Just because you are married does not mean you are always going to enjoy the exact same things. It just doesn't. Jamie still won't help me with my mime.

2. While lying in bed, unable to sleep, do not begin toying with a plan for the perfect murder.

3. If by merging your CD collections you now have more than one copy of an album, sell duplicate copies. In two years, people are going to raise an eyebrow at your multiple copies of "The Soul Cages", for more than one reason.

4. You've got until death to spend time together. You have my permission to go off and play putt-putt on your own without feeling guilty.

5. Tell each other when you're paying bills.

6. Don't go to McDonald's.

7. A puppy or a kitten is not a child. Do not allow your spouse to begin calling themself "mommy" or "daddy" regarding a pet. Pets are more like idiot roommates, and treating them as children is weird and creepy. If you must have something to call you "mommy" or "daddy", it's easy to accomplish and I have a Barry White album which may speed the process.

8. If you don't like a certain genre of movies, lay down the law and insist your spouse find a friend to see that genre with. (I refuse to watch romantic comedies. Jamie hates westerns.)

9. Do not make up lengthy songs about any physical feature which the other person might feel uncomfortable about (big ears, bird toes, etc...) and then sing said song to to the other person each and every morning. This will lead to divorce.

10. Try not to point out really attractive people to your significant other.

11. Ask your spouse about their opinion on your selection of clothes and then go ahead and buy the same boring crap you've been buying since high school.

12. Dressing up the cat to surprise your spouse may seem like a good idea, but it just ends up getting you injured.

13. Call your spouse at least once a day from work.

14. When your spouse says "have you seen my shoes?" always answer "no" unless you can see them at that exact moment. Do not try to remember when last you saw the missing shoes. It was never important enough for you to make a mental note and you will never remember.

15. Tell your spouse at least one item you want for Christmas, because guessing is a complete bastard.

16. Don't bring up old nonsense in an argument. That's dumb and it always just makes the situation worse.

17. Don't go to bed angry.

18. Don't have kids. They're loud, they eat all the food, use all the money and they smell like syrup.

And that's it. That's my advice. Not too exciting. I guess my point is, just because you're getting married doesn't mean you have to compromise on everything and become a boring dud. Sure, to some point nature will make you more of a boring dud, but you needn't necessarily voluntarily become a boring dud. You can still do your own thing as long as it doesn't involve bigamy or bankruptcy or both.

Happy wedding, Randy and Mysterious M. Go out there and freak out the squares.

The League Reviews: The Incredibles

I feel terrible for the cast and crew working on Fantastic Four. Really. I feel awful for those people.

The Incredibles is not only an homage to the Fantastic Four, it also directly lifts powers and characters most closely identified with Fantastic Four. And it does it well. Incredibly well. So well, in fact, that I imagine that right now the producers and directors of the FF movie are probably having a meeting at this moment, trying to figure out how to salvage their very expensive movie.

Bottom line, this isn't so much a review as a suggestion you go check this movie out.

I was a tremendous fan of The Incredibles director/ writer Brad Bird's feature film "The Iron Giant", and, dammit, I still get a little weepy whenever I watch that movie. Iron Giant (returning to DVD on November 16thish) had some nice nods to superherodom, as well as working as a 1950's "Day the Earth Stood Still" type sci-fi homage. Anyway, check it out.

The Incredibles manages to take a concept which, even five years ago, might have been done with much, much more of a wink and a nod. It would have been a family movie with super-heroing deeds with lots of silly superhero jokes making fun of the genre tossed in (Mystery Men, I am looking at you). This movie manages to be a great superhero movie, while still keeping it a family movie at the core. But, make no mistake... this is a superhero movie with some of the most imaginative uses and visualizations of superpowers ever seen on film, TV. And I think it even outstrips the budgetless world of most comic books to some degree.

Most impressive to me were Elastigirl (NOT Rita Farr, Doom Patrollers) and Dash, who, for once, made stretching powers and superspeed look GOOD. And Mr. Incredible is no slouch, himself.

The character design is excellent, and seems to hearken back to late 50's - early 60's clip art. The look of the sets is a sort of vague post-WWII USA, mixed with AIM/ Bond-Villain style headquarters. Edna Mode's house/ HQ is amazing. The backgrounds are as lifelike as any of those utilized for the Star Wars films, giving the wonder of the Incredibles using their powers all the more "wow" factor.

The story itself is largely recycled material, but material which works well to make characters resonate a bit better for the adults in the audience. Hell, one could almost say this is the Dark Knight Returns of Mr. Incredible. Similar stories have been done with the JSA, and, coincidentally, the FF gets sued every few years, just to shake things up. There's also a hyper seven year-old, a wife unsure of what her husband is up to, and a shy teen-age girl who needs to learn how to shine to pick up the boy. All familiar, but all somehow work fairly well.

But, hey... how many of you REALLY expect to see brand new stories when you go to the megaplex? If you're like me, you're looking for the method of execution of those stories, and that's where The Incredibles really catches on fire.

I'd also say, if Disney and even Dreamworks want to learn something from the success of this movie, here's my recommendation. Note how may writers and directors were responsible for this movie. Even if it's not entirely true, Brad Bird is listed as THE writer and director of this movie, not a list of writers as long as your arm. This movie wasn't written by a committee, nor was it created by polling focus groups or trying to create characters which emulate "X-TREME!!!!" characters from soda commercials as Disney has been trying to do since Tarzan.

The story isn't 80 minutes, a length believed by Disney Execs to be the duration a kid can sit through a movie (and given how I felt about the last few Disney flicks, the length I wanted to sit through it). There are no cheesey musical numbers, there are no wise-cracking anthropomorphic side-kicks, there is no attempt at Robin Williams-style rapid fire delivery. However the heck they got this flick past the suits, they got it past the suits without that kind of repetitive fluff being tucked in, and that alone is worthy of praise.

Anyway, enough.

Is it obvious I enjoyed the movie?

I'd love to see it again a few times before it's condensed down to fitting on my TV.

Some other things I liked, a quick list.

1) The Edith Head of super hero costuming
2) Vehicle design was really inspired
3) Background design in all areas incredibly well thought out. Wait for Edna Mode's "living room"
4) Voice casting is perfect. Holly Hunter as Elastigirl, Craig T. Nelson as Mr. Incredible, Sarah Vowell (inspired, that) as Violet, and Elizabeth Pena as Mirage.
5) Not shying away from real action

Anyway, cool movie. Go check it out.

Oh, and the opening short, "Boundin'" was great. And it looked like they used North Phoenix for reference.

My only real complaint? I quit watching the UT/OSU game half-way thru to catch dinner and the movie. I left at half-time believing UT was going to get stomped. Ugh. Apparently I missed the best game all season. 49 unanswered points, was it? So unfair.

So, here I was thinking I had nothing to mention and today would be met with a news article or two, but voila! Star Wars.

As is well documented, The League was once a huge proponent of the Star Wars franchise. Star Wars wallpaper, Star Wars bedding, Star Wars figures lining the floor. Jamie was a bit irritated with the figures on the floor, so I started keeping them straightened on a shelf.

Star Wars was our mythology as kids. It surpassed Superfriends and Tron by a lightyear. This was the stuff we went to bed thinking about, and ran around the woods behind our house play-acting (eternal thanks to me mum, who got me an official Stormtrooper pistol for Christmas when I was 8. Best. Present. Ever.).

And it’s well documented how I saw Phantom Menace in the theater 5 times. And, sort of against my will, saw Attack of the Clones 4 times in two weeks (seeing both the opening night midnight show, and the next morning’s 9:00 am show, after which I went to work and stared mindlessly at my monitor for four hours before going home and collapsing. Thanks, Dan).

And it’s hip to say these movies suck. Because, you know what? These movie have a lot problems. They have an enormous "wow" factor, but they also have a lot of issues that adults are much more keenly aware of than kids. But maybe that’s why these movies work so well as trailers. The trailers are always amazing, culling the best parts out of context, and making you really believe that these movies are somehow going to save Western Culture, and getting you juiced up for a monumental letdown.

It’s tough to say the stories are incoherent, because that’s not really accurate. And it’s easy to say the acting is wooden, because it mostly is. The plot does suffer from a lack of expediency and occasional lapses of logic. And all too often, things occur because it would look cool, rather than because it’s a good idea or really follows internal logic.

But here’s why I'm posting on this at all, and it’s going to sound a lot like what I said about Sky Captain:

I want these movies.

Sure, I made an off the cuff comment yesterday about it being “more of the same”, which, arguably, it is. My first reaction was "oh, great. Another trailer which looks phenomenenal, but which is better than the actual film."

But more of this “same” is Star Wars “the same.” This is space opera envisioned on a scale most mortal minds can’t possibly begin to plot out and construct. Most writers and directors would NEVER try to tell a story so massive in scope, movie after movie. They would flat out tell you it was impossible to manage so many characters and so many character threads working through so many plotlines. Let alone, keeping a tangible backstory, introducing new cultures, creatures, and ideas with every change of scene. And maybe, maybe they’d be right.

I WASN'T nuts about Episode II, although I thought it was beautiful to look at, and had cool stuff. I almost got the feeling that this was the paperwork being done to set the stage for the upcoming movie. Does the new trailer look cool? Maybe, but I've lost objectivity, and I'm in a "won't get fooled again" mode. Episode II had things I loved (Slave 1 in the asteroid belt), but it had a lot of business going on that just felt like plot lines being distended.

In order to get his stories told with any efficiency, Lucas is painting with a broad brush, and I think that, more than occasionally, it leads to some missteps. I don’t particularly believe in the romantic character curve for Anakin and Padme (a case where less might have been more). I don’t particularly believe in Anakin’s curve as he becomes eeeevil (he seems like he was doing pretty much okay until his mom got whacked). But, we have another 2.5 hours of the story coming in the final installment, and a chance to tie up the threads. I can hold out hope that the character moments I’ve been longing for may yet materialize.

Since 1977 studios have been spending a lot of money trying to get another movie to capture the imagination of the public the way Star Wars did. They've been trying for the formula a million different ways, but, ultimately, it never works out. Instead, the terrain is littered with clunkers like "Last Starfighter", "Battle Beyond the Stars", "The Black Hole" and dozens of others. Until Lord of the Rings (a commodity proven a hundred times over before the latest screen adaptation) nothing else managed to place huge audiences in a world completely foreign to our own, but so easily understandable.

Short of Jack Kirby and Tolkein, I can’t think of anyone who has stepped up to the plate and even TRIED to tell a story with such wild ideas, and crazy imagination firing on all six cylinders. (A note: I thought about this after publishing, and there are countless sci-fi and fantasy novels which have done this. I'm being unfair. I could discredit the fantasy genre as just lifting from Tolkein, but that's cheesy and not true. And sci-fi continues to expand it's definition while telling sprawling, effective stories. I just really like Jack Kirby, so I'll plug him wherever I can. Don't get me started on TV epics and their need to feed the beast which led to the whimpering death of X-Files.)

Only Tolkein managed to cross-cut two or more major battle scenes at a time to create a climax this successfully (and, now, by extension, Peter Jackson). I mean, Sweet Christmas… from a technical and storytelling perspective, I can’t really think of anything more complicated than that.

The trailer gives us two warring Star Destroyers blasting away at one another in low-orbit? Droids flitting about on the surface of a volcanic planet? Tiny green space samurai getting serious?

If you told me the details of the trailer for Revenge of the Sith, and never tossed “Star Wars” into the sentence, I would be wondering where I could sign up to see this paean to sci-fi cool. I mean, throw in a monkey, and you’ve officially surpassed my criteria for paying to see a movie in the theater. What? You say there’s an army of monkey-people? I gladly surrender my eight dollars, sir.

I'm giving it a shot. Maybe not opening night this time around, but I'm giving it a shot. And I will say parts of the trailer DO look cool, but I'm not going to not be skeptical. At the end of the day, it's not just the elements which tell a story, it's how they're interwoven. This can be the coolest shoddy movie ever, or it can seal the deal as the Star Wars saga truly earning it's much hyped reputation.

Star Wars Episode 3?

Here's a trailer.

Yup, more of the same.

When people don't know Roman history...

thanks to Jamie for the link

If it weren't so badly sculpted and kind of creepy looking, I think this would be a fun novelty for that whimsical Republican in your family.

Here's Super-Action-Hero W.

I always told Jamie that when I die, I'm going to haunt her.

Well, now I've found something ten times more annoying than haunting her.

According to this article, Phoenix is now home to a company called Preserve A Life.

What does this company do? It allows you to stuff your dead relatives and keep them around the house.

This is so awesome, I'm totally at a loss for any good commentary.

Alas, this is a Halloween joke from the Phoenix New Times. Anyway, I hope it is a joke.

Here is the story (which seems like an exceptionally long article for a hoax).

And here's a web link.

Ehhh... Even if it were real, I'd probably still choose just to haunt Jamie. But there is a certain appeal to taking up couch space in the afterlife.

A little comic reading advice for you:

We3 by Grant Morrison.

Synopsis

Here is a PDF of some preview pages.

A preview to view, if you have broadband.