Sunday, March 13, 2005

VOTE FOR PEDRO

Not much to report other than my total resentment of Jim's mischaracterization of me as one who would "vote for Summer." If anyone would ever vote for Pedro, surely, it was The League. Alas, KOHS didn't offer much in the way of Pedro's to vote for. But, as I noted to Jim, in high school I mostly voted for Laura Palmer.

I moved high schools and cities between 9th and 10th grade and fell into a position in high school in which I knew absolutely nobody for about a year. In fact, it seems that the only people I knew were in my biology class, of which contained one Madi Q. Hinojosa.

Nonetheless, mere weeks after school began, we were asked to vote on our homecoming court and numerous other items I had neither the knowledge nor the wherewithal to answer. And unlike the school I'd come from, people at this new school seemed to be taking all of this deadly seriously. The election was pretty traditional, and was NOT for President (as that took place in the Spring). But it all seemed to serious. They actually took us out of class for the election. I won't even get into the attempt at a "recall vote" for our Homecoming Court my senior year.

So I voted for Laura Palmer.

I voted for Laura Palmer as often as I could for the next few years, any time there was a fill-in the blank, or nominate your choice of candidates. Sure, Laura was dead. Sure, she was wrapped in plastic. But at least I knew who she was, and I had an inkling of what I could expect from her.


It's always important to vote for the candidate who has the most to offer...

I don't really remember much about elections except that a fellow drama-kid, Abby, ran. And she was more or less a Summer. Abby asked me to help out with her campaign in exchnage for her dad's roller-skates. As I couldn't apparently avoid being part of the process, I was very excited to be part of the problem.

I agreed to run about during her speech and hand-out "Abby Dollars". This was our high concept. False bribery. So, during the speech I attempted a back flip, which turns out to be a lot more difficult than you'd think, even if you really, really believe in yourself.

Abby won, but I couldn't tell you why. She gave exactly the same speech as the girl who came after her. She made the same irresponsible pledges and the same asinine observations as Candidate B. Maybe Abby was taller. I don't know. I don't think the Abby Dollars did it, and The League's failed acrobatics mostly just illicted a collective empathetic inhalation as The League struck the gym floor.

I didn't vote for Abby, but I didn't vote for Laura Palmer, either. The election was performed on scantron sheets. I don't recall voting at all.

I never did get those roller-skates.

Here is the official KOHS web-page for my class. It is a list of people who got elected for things. I think, you know, in another twenty years, we're all going to be so proud we took time to think, I mean... really, really think about who had the best hair.

Enough.

Anyway, we didn't do much this weekend as we needed to clean the house, get oil changes, take Jamie to the eye doctor, blah, blah, blah. Ryan and Trisha came over and brought young Isaac, who is mostly a set of eyes and 19 pounds of rock and roll. That kid is going places. I can already tell.

Meanwhile, Lucy continues to grow at an alarming rate. She's getting bigger, and she's getting used to our routine, to some extent. I am trying to teach her to "sit." It started today. I press down on her butt until she sits, then I say "Sit!", I give her a treat, and then I give her a tiny hug. Then we do it all over again. I strongly suspect she has no idea what is happening.

Mel and Lucy's relationship continues to evolve. Today I watched her run up to him while he was lying in the grass. About two feet before she reached him, she went airborne and planted herself flatly in his face. Shortly afterward, Mel rolled on his side, picked her up in his paws, flipped her all the way over and body slammed her. I need a chart to demonstrate how this happened, but I assure you, it did happen.

Our place here at the end of civilization is now becoming suburbia.

The cows moved sometime in the last week. Our cows are gone, vanished without so much as an adios. While I will miss being able to see a herd of dairy cows at any time, I will not miss the stench of cows becoming so powerful that I think I am going to throw up if I want to walk the dog in the morning. I do not know what became of our cows. They have moved on to greener pastures.

This, and in what was a sprawl of desert between us and Tucson now has a Target, a Subway and a Dress Barn. While all of these things are assuredly depressing to be surrounded by and to get excited by, it's no longer bleak nothingness as far as the eye can see. And that's got to count for something.

Friday, March 11, 2005

So, quick informal discussion question.

Magneto: Republican, Democrat, Green Party, LaRouche Democrat, Bull Moose or Libertarian?


So Ally McBeal WAS underrated...!
FRIENDS OF THE LEAGUE AT SXSW

The League isn't going to be in Austin next week, but some of his chums are.

Here's a League checklist of events:

1) Phoenix based "Asleep in the Sea"

This is the band of my employee, Tom. Tom will be rocking the house.

Wednesday, March 16th at 10:00pm at THE HIDEOUT


2) Austin based "Milton Mapes".

One of the guys in Milton mapes married Mel's mother, Jenny. Anyways, it's a chance to see Jenny Perkins, right? Milton Mapes is actually very good. Go see them.

BIGSBY'S, Thursday March 17th.

3) on Sunday March 13th (4:00) and Tuesday March 15th (9:00) at The Hideout, some films Juan Diaz worked on will be shown.

"Playdate" and "Engineering Diversity". Go support Juan, you bastards.


Arden is already on his way to rock star status.
Awesome new career opportunity for The League:

I can't stress enough the importance of spell-check when you're setting up your fake company to try to bilk people out of their money.

Dear Sir / Madam ,

We would like to offer you a colaborator job at our company.

If you can take the time and read this offer please do so. We are a almost recent company based on E-commerce , mostly E-trade services , due to recent E-trade development all over the globe , companies like ours have become necesary for a safe and stress free trade over the WWW ( World Wide Web ). Our mission is to make sure that different transactions , between U.S. and European E-buyers and/or E-sellers , are on a safe spot. We propose to do this thru our "net" of colaborators that each have there own role in our clients transactions.

You are receiving this email from the Development Team of Colaborators Incorporated , this teams role is to hire new colaborators , expanding our colaborator network and taking care of their training.Another important job of the Development Team is to check our future colaborators and to constantly improve our means of hiring and verifying any appliers for the post of colaborator. For the moment our Development Team has created a expanding plan that includes 150 more work places as a colaborator in the U.S. and a 200 more work places as a colaborator in Europe. We will seriously consider any applier for this job due to the high amount of persons needed to fill the 150 places.

So , as a bottom line , if you are interested in making a pretty good profit per month , check our website at www.colabaratorsincorporated.com and see if you find yourself apropriate for this job.

Job Description :You will receive a job larger description if you choose to contact us. As a small description , the job requierements are too have or create a PayPal account, be at least 21 years old, and have the ability to connect to the internet at least 1 hour per day.

The colaborator team that founded this company back in 2003 had 10 people on board, since then the company grew 20 times larger and has successfully closed more than 100.000 transactions world wide.So , if you wish to join this great team please do not esithate.The salary is not fixed , you will receive a percent of each transaction that will be made through you.Job Requirements:Of course , as any job , this job has some requirements , not as many as other job , but still necesary in order to be hired by our company.

Here is the list of requirements:
1. Have a PayPal account and/or be able to create one.
2. To be at least 21 years old.
3. No criminal record.
4. To be able to connect to the internet at least 1 hour per day.

So , if you consider you fulfil the above requierements ,visit our website : www.colabaratorsincorporated.com and apply for this job today.

Thank you for your patience and God bless you.

Colaborators Incorporated ,Development Team Manager ,Karen F Campbell .
Colaborators Incorporated © March 2005

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Getting motivated with Spidey!

Marvel is no slouch of a company, and just like DC, they are not shy about plastering the face of Wolverine, the Hulk and Daredevil on just about any item you can imagine.

One sort of good idea is the new line of Marvel motivational posters (for kids, I assume).

These are real. You can check them out here.

Apparently someone in the licensing department flat out either never read a Punisher comic or has a somewhat skewed concept of motivation. Marvel has cancelled orders for the Punisher motivational poster. I am not making this up.

While we're on the subject, it might be pointed out to the higher-ups at Marvel that Wolverine, while universally popular, is pretty much a dude with a few knives who stabs people a lot. I mean, A LOT. More than occasionally, he kills whole castles full of ninjas. I'm just saying, is all...

And isn't Magneto a ruthless villain who kills lots of people...? Marvel's motivational posters are rife with moral ambiguity.

And, hey... isn't that Elektra: Assassin here to spread some motivational sunshine? What? What's that you have to say on "Excellence"?

"Excellence is reserved for those who, even when they fail, do so by doing greatly, so that their place shall never be among those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."


If you are considering raising your child in some sort of Ubermensch fantasy environment, Marvel has your tool kit.

Elektra's message is sort of like, "Try your best", with a twist of "Or your soul shall be condemned to the land of wind and ghosts..."

I tell you what. If I'd had this poster in elementary school, I certainly would have tried harder in the Spelling-Bee.

In the handy world of Photoshop, these are completely made-up. Unfortunately, these posters are probably only funny to geeks.
This is funny, but if you read it, you will go to hell. I am sorry. It's true.

So if you're looking for everlasting peace, do not click on this link.

Thanks to Doug, who is pretty much in trouble, for the link.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

For some reason, this made me think of Nathan Cone.

Thanks to Jamie for the link.

BTW, even after 5 years of marriage, you can still learn new things about your spouse.

Jamie is a huge fan of The Karate Kid.

Prior to Friday night, we had never sat down and watched the movie together, but Friday it was on when I was flipping channels before eating dinner, and Jamie began talking about upcoming scenes, began spitting out lines before they were delivered... in general, she did all the things you do only when you've seen a movie 2 dozen times.

I had not seen The Karate Kid from beginning to end in probably 19 years, but at some dark point in her life, Jamie was apparently watching this movie over and over and over.

Who knows what other secrets lurk in Jamie's shrouded past?

Monday, March 07, 2005

The League has... THE ACTOR'S NIGHTMARE

Back in the halcyon days of High School, I was a drama kid. And during that time, I frequently had Actor's Nightmare. Actor's Nightmare is an anxiety dream that manifests itself in the form of a play that you suddenly must perform in, but you don't know the script, you don't know the blocking, you don't know your lines, but, by gum, you've got to go onstage or the whole show falls apart... and, invariably in my place, it's a musical and I don't know the lyrics or choreography.

For some reason my Actor's Nightmare is ALWAYS a musical. I am sure this has some meaning.

Last night I dreamt Rob Eigenbrod (a name which will mean something only to Maxwell) coerced me into playing a Director in some dinner-theater performance of a modern-dress Phantom of the Opera, a musical which I have not seen. Previous musical outings I have not seen but had to perform in during my Actor's Nightmare include South Pacific.

I don't usually fall in for much in the way of dream symbology, but why Phatom of the Opera? Why a director? Why Rob Eigenbrod? Why WHY WHYWHYWHY???!!!!!!

Sunday, March 06, 2005

You probably haven't looked to notice, but you can't buy a comic book at the 7-11 anymore. Or at the Walgreens, or at grocery store.

I didn't START buying comics at comic shops, and I am sure that if you ask any comic fan cooling their heals in their late twenties or older, you'll find the same is true. We all started buying comics off newsracks in locations to which we had access.

I distinctly recall buying Uncanny X-Men #210 at the Chicago airport. I picked up #212 at Piggly Wiggly within biking distance of the old homestead. Each store and shop you went in to had a news stand of some sort, and I scoured the covers of the bent comics to see if anything struck my fancy.

I picked up Teen Titans this way, Transformers, Batman (I confess to not getting turned on to Superman until very late high school and early college, and then it was the movies, cartoons and Justice League comics). I recall a family road trip which took over a month during which the Death of Kraven storyline was criss-crossing over multiple Spider-Man titles. Each gas station, bookstore, etc... I was busily seeking out each issue, trying to keep up with a haunting, creepy story.

Every single trip to Skaggs Alpha-Beta was punctuated with my quick dash to check out the comics while my mom was in the check out line. The goal was to grab a new one, quick, before they finished tallying the groceries.

And we knew about Austin Books, down on North Lamar. It's still there, cleaned up, now a massive example of what a comic shop SHOULD be. But then it was a dingy hole of a shop, a place the mothers would drop us off and let us go root through long boxes in our endless search for back of X-Men and Batman.

But you had to ask for a ride to the shop, you know? It was way down on Lamar, and my mother (ever willing to humor her two geeky kids) was still only willing to go down there once every few months.

In the mid-90's, the business model changed. 1) Diamond Comic Distributors became a monopolistic titan, the only way comic companies (large and small) could get their comics out to market. 2) Someone on the magazine racks figured out that they could make more money selling a $7.00 copy of Maxim than a $2.00 copy of X-Men.

Comics also decided that, if they were to be taken seriously, they must abandon the news stands and be available only in bookstores, like respectable books, or in comic shops, like, uhmmm... Well, it was a place to go buy comics where the clerk wouldn't raise her eyebrows as your comic passed over the electric eye. "Aren't you a little old for the funny books, sweetie?"

The chilling effect on the comic book industry has been staggering.

Essentially, a generation of kids was told they were not welcome to get involved. Comics were a commodity available only in specialized shops, usually off the beaten path, and certainly not a place your average mom or dad was already travelling to pick up a newspaper and a Slurpee. And believe me, I've seen the horrified looks of the mothers when they walk into the shops... they eye the pictures of the mostly naked warrior girls, with ridiculous proportions, and why, exactly, would a mother think leaving her kid alone with cartoon porn seem like a good idea..?

Simply put, readers are drifting, and no new readers are replacing them. At one point, Action Comics sold around a million copies each time it published. The numbers today are around 36,000 each issue. That's horrible. That isn't the sign of a healthy industry which can sustain itself. Make fun of the Silver-Age all you want, but back then they were selling the heck out of comics at drug stores and news stands.

With movies like Spider-Man out there, and Spider-Man selling t-shirts, underwear, costumes, video games and every conceivable outlet for the Spider-Man logo... why weren't the publishers making sure the original product was at eye level for 8 year olds to pick up? Flooding the comic shops is selling to the choir. Hoping people who already love Spider-man will pick up Spider-Man is redundant.

But Marvel is learning. Marvel, who had led the charge at the turn of the millenium to ensure comics were an ADULT medium and drove teh market mostly into direct market resale, is now taking a step back in the face of ever dwindling sales. Marvel is going into Barnes and Noble, and Marvel is going into 7-11's all over again.

And while even your standard faire of Batman and the X-Men might need to drop a few profanities to make the world safe from over-anxious mothers again, it's fantastic for the industry as a whole.

Regarding the usual screams of disapproval from loser fanboys trying to ensure comics are only for them and not for kids... As always, Heidi says it all better than me...

According to Newsarama, the Marvel Adventures line will spearhead the move into the 7-11s. The line, aimed at younger readers, is not popular with comic book fans. Nor should it be -- it isn't aimed at them. The Millarworld thread I alluded to in a previous entry was largely given over to the usual argument over whether kids will read these books, whether kids read comics, etc etc etc. To which I can only say...

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, WILL YOU PEOPLE GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS?


So, start looking for comics as they pop up in magazine racks once again. Look for them at the grocery and at the airport. Hopefully DC and other companies will follow suit and the fate of comics will be taken out of the hands of fate as created by us geeks and put back into the world of kids discovering them for the first time.

Friday, March 04, 2005

because when it comes to being low of brow, the League is not shy about going Caveman.



Where is the Comics Code Authority when you need them?
Happy B-Day, Mum

By the way, today is my mother's birthday. My mother never visits this website, so I probably shouldn't bother even putting any post up, but she's my mum, and it's worth mentioning her b-day.

Happy B-Day, Mum.


Although he believes in truth and justice, Superman is not above getting a little petty about getting kick-ass presents on birthdays. Perhaps this is the "American Way" bit.
A Mrs. League Ocean Friends Update

(Last one, I PROMISE)

Bubba lives on!

Thursday, March 03, 2005

A Sad Mrs. League Ocean Friends Update

Leaguers, I'm not afraid to admit when I'm wrong.

Poor Bubba

Farewell Mr. Pinchy...
A Birthday for Jason.

So, Leaguers, my brother turns 32 years young on March 17th.

As a child it drove me nuts that not only was he two years older, he was two years and one month older than me. I had a whole MONTH to sit around and be grouchy as he had already had a birthday party and I had not yet had a party of my own.

These days, the month gives me a good amount of time to point and laugh at Steanso for being so much older than me. Why, when he's 32, I'll still be in my twenties for just under a month.

(Shit. I'm turning 30...)

I need to get him something for his birthday, and for most of my life, this has been fairly easy. I walk into his room/ apartment/ house and see what he is lacking, and then make a best guess from there. Now, however, he's got an income and I can no longer easily pick out that which he is missing as I live 1000 miles away.

So what do I get him? Leaguers, it's up to you to make suggestions because I simply do not know.


I have it on good authority that Jason would love this model of the Key to the Fortress of Solitude...

Sadly, after going to the dentist yesterday, what I will need for my birthday is cash to cover the deductible for the work they're going to do. Stupid dentist.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Super Friends meets Office Space.

Not office friendly.

Thanks to Justin Cone for the link.

Oh, and, Jason.... the link works, you might have to actually download Quicktime.

And, as long as I have your attention, what do you want for your birthday? Your Amazon Wish List is like 5 years old.
A Mrs. League Ocean Friends Update

BUBBA!

Bubba is a 22 lb lobster who was saved from boiling water by the owner of a fish market. They estimate that since it takes 5-7 years for a lobster to grow a pound, Bubba might be 100 years old!

The real reason I posted this article comes about halfway down the page. Now, I love animals and all and consider myself to be pretty left leaning but one group I find to sometimes go above and beyond good intentions is PETA. Of course PETA wanted Bubba to be released into the oceans instead of headed to the Ripley's believe it or not museum (where he is indeed headed). Now, to me, if "Mr. Pinchy" is 100 years old, this crusty crustacean has probably had his fill of frolicking under the sea. Why not let him get out and see the world?

At least he should be safe from People for Eating Tasty Animals, who apparently have offered up $350 for him.
Couple of bits and pieces

1) We had to move the laptop off of the couch and out of the living room where it usually sits. The laptop usually sits there as the oracle for League HQ. Jamie and I frequently get into disputes over minor things, such as: Was Ladder 49 a financially successful movie at the box office? I say: No. Jamie says: Yes. She then can get online and pull up the actual box office receipts and mock me for my lack of Hollywood insider-ship.

Unfortunately in our house, the Oracle is necessary to keep disputes from running on for hours. However, Lucy took an interest in the power cord to the computer, and so we quickly moved it to a minimum safe distance and into the bedroom. And as I usually write at night after Jamie goes to sleep, I keep forgetting to grab the laptop before she dozes off. So, I've been neglectful in my posting duties.

2) Lucy is already sleeping soundly in her cage at night. Last night she managed to put up a minimum of fuss when it was bedtime. I sort of plopped her in the kennel, and she just watched me shut down the house. It was very sweet.

So, bottom line, no more howling puppies at 3:30am. The trick now is to make sure Lucy uses the dry pads I put in her kennel during the night. They're sort of like flat diapers and soak up quite a big of puppy pee.

I am unsure of how people with actual children cope. Perhaps, should a child ever enter into the League's picture, we will still have the kennel on hand and can train the baby that way. I aint' gettin' up at 3:00am for no cryin' baby.

3) We did not get Lucy specifically for Mel. I am unsure of how this rumor began. That said, Leaguers, dogs are pack animals, and I've always felt guilty that Mel was alone so much of the day. This meant all he did during most days was lay in the sun and sleep, which is not great for him either mentally or physically. That, and Jamie and I were more or less his only form of entertainment, which isn't always a good match when you're at work most of the day. So, yes, now he has a buddy.

Mel and Lucy are already an interesting pairing. She's taken to chewing on his head, and he's taken to enjoying it. Actually, I'm not sure that allowing her to chew on his head is always his repsonse. This morning I watched Mel wrestling with Lucy in the yard before I left. He is reminding her he outweighs her at least 6-to-1. But they both seem pretty happy with one another.

4) All-in-all, everything else is quiet on the home front. I have to mail my Mom's birthday present this morning as her birthday is on Friday. I am sure Jason remembered to buy her a present or at least sent a card.

Monday, February 28, 2005

heh heh heh heh heh heh heh

just keep in mind... this show is intended for small children. But that doesn't mean The LEague won't tune in.

Preview for Krypto... THE SUPERDOG!!!!
Hi all.

People seem more interested in the lighting conditions of my backyard and the fact that I am wearing a hat than they seem interested in the actual puppy. But, it is, after all, a puppy, and what are you going to say about that?



Mel looks on as Lucy tries to escape

Note, the lighting conditions are better. Taking photos in Arizona is tough as light is always white and harsh, and our backyard has two large trees which cut the light and drastically change where your f-stop should be.

Also in the photo is my magical weekend hat which caused such a ruckus. It is a Chicago Cubs hat. I am not a baseball fan, but I do like watching The Cubbies. The hat grants me the magical ability of not being able to grab the pennant.

Last night and the nigth before Jamie and I went to bed super early in an attempt to get the pets to go to bed early. I think last night went better regarding Lucy's yipping in her kennel. Jamie did not agree. But it is safe to say that The League slept like a log between yipping sessions.

To answer Randy's questions: No, The League is still The League of Melbotis. Lucy will not be asked to lend her name to the blog's title. At the end of the day, it's all about Mel.

Mel is getting along swimmingly with the puppy. He seems fine when the two of them have been left alone, and already i've caught them lying about together in the sunlight. Once Lucy calms down a bit and adjusts to her new home, I think Mel will like her a bit better.

For the time being, he is being very needy and pushing Lucy out of the way when he gets the chance to get some attention.

Jeff the Cat has been hiding in the bedroom. Occasionally he will sit on our kitchen blockade and hiss at Lucy. I suspect their friendship will take much longer to blossom.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Hey, Ya'll...

BIG NEWS AT THE LEAGUE OF MELBOTIS

The League asks you to welcome new Leaguer, Lucy "Goosey" Steans.



Lucy's plans at the League include:

1) a lot of rockin'
2) sniffing
3) peeing on the carpet
4) being dwarfed by Mel
5) preventing us from getting any sleep

Lucy says hello, and while she does not yet know you, she already loves you.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

A long time ago in these pages I mentioned that Scottsdale, one of the cities surrounding Phoenix, was sort of the equivalent of Westlake in Austin. But that's not really accurate, because Scottsdale is also the defining area of The Valley of the Sun. Folks here don't want to live in Phoenix (which is not really considered much of a destination at all). Scottsdale is where the rich folks live and spend money, and where folks of more modest means live in order to bathe in the glow. It's where Mike Tyson disappeared to, and even luminaries such as Maureen O'Hara make it their home. It's the part of town where people actually own H2s and can't understand why you don't shop at the Pottery Barn (although there are vast expanses where Pottery Barn is more or less considered dorm furniture). To associate yourself with Scottsdale is to associate yourself with a certain image of wealth and beauty and a happening night life, etc...

But the point is, it's not just living in Scottsdale, it's the dream of living in Scottsdale.

A few days ago I trekked down to the Supercuts, which is where The League chooses to spend his meager pay on keeping his hair out of his eyes. Parted to the side, kept high and tidy... This time, despite the fact that I walked in with pretty much exactly the haircut I wanted and I gave the same instructions I give EVERY time I get my haircut, something went wrong. Not too wrong, but the girl didn't really leave it the way I wanted it, and then she started spiking my hair straight up. Sort of in the fashion of, say, Ashley Simpson's rhythm guitarist. This was immediately after I'd explained I worked in an office and was headed right back to work.

So I returned to my office, having tried desperately to smooth down my hair, and explained to my co-workers that I was NOT happy with my haircut, and if they could ignore the little spikes of hair going everywhere, I'd appreciate it. Thank you.

"But that's the style," one of my co-workers insisted.
"I could care less."
"All the guys are spiking their hair straight up."
"I'm 6'5" and chubby. I don't need a hair cut ten years too young for me and meant for guys really into Blink-182 drawing attention to my Klingon head."
"But that's the style."
And that's sort of how I feel about the whole deal. 1) If you don't go with the asinine WB/MTV house-approved hair style, you're doing it wrong. And people genuinely feel you're doing it wrong. 2) It was a stupid looking hair cut, and it wasn't what I asked for (if I wanted fancy, God knows I would not be going to Supercuts), and yet the Supercuts lady gave it to me because it was the style. Because that's what the beautiful people in Scottsdale are doing.

I'm surprised the barber didn't glue the all-popular chin fuzz to my face all the kids are sporting.

And do you know what the hot new trend is which is being sold at the Abercrombie and Fitch? I know this, because I work near Abercrombie and Fitch... It's basically the Izod/ Polo/ expensive "golf shirt" with the collar turned up. Which was a good idea about the same time as Teen Wolf was a swell notion.

Even then it was a stupid sort of thing to do, but there have been so many, many dumber things since then, that I think a little upturned collar is probably manageable. I'm just surprised that, for their personal styling, folks are adopting movie short-hand for rich, arrogant, bastards in sore need of a come-uppance. It's sort of like getting a top hat and growing a long mustache you plan to twirl.

But I guarantee you this. By Monday, all the kids in Scottsdale will be wearing their collars turned up to match their bleached hair and chin-slinkees.

But part of not going nuts out here has involved saying to yourself "Okay, I have absolutely zero interest in playing golf, in going shopping at The Biltmore, in going and looking at resorts I am not staying at. But I don't need to be a jerk about it to the folks who live here and that's why they moved here." They moved here to be young and beautiful, to live in a place where it's sunny all the time (but you still fake-tan), to be able to golf at over 400 courses. They moved here to spend two or three years having get away weekends to San Diego and Sedona before they shoot out their own version of Kelsey and Tyler, give the little runts a credit card, and, when they're 18, the kids go to the state university.

"So have you and Jamie made it up to Scottsdale on the weekends?"
"No. Not really."
"You should go up there." My co-worker had sort of brought the topic up, unprovoked, during lunch.
"It's like an hour drive from my house," I shrugged. "That's a hike to go grab dinner."
"Where have you been?" my other co-worker asked.
"I dunno. Sometimes we come up to Tempe."
"You need to come up to Scottsdale."
"To do what?"
"To see the resorts." (I've learned not to question this. You're supposed to go and marvel at hotels you can't afford to stay at.)
"Uh-huh."
"And there are a lot of places to eat up there."
"Okay."
"You need to go."
"It's like an hour. That's like, if I were in Austin, jumping in the car and going to San Antonio for dinner."
"There's other stuff to do."
"Okay. Like what?"
"We have a movie theater..."
And he was sort of getting pissed at this point. And do what? Go out to eat and then do what? I'm all for a nice meal, but I think an hour to drive to sit in a restaurant is kind of far. I'm not really interested in looking in store windows and hanging out at hotels I'm not staying at...
But I couldn't shake the feeling he was taking my disinterest as a personal attack, so I made something up about going up there and he sort of let it go.

I want to have fun. I really do. I like to, uh, hoot and holler. But sometimes people's definitions of a good idea just don't mesh. There's something about the worship of glamour and leisure which seems disingenuous, and trying to be somewhere just to say you were somewhere without somehow, I don't, at least trying to not just be a tourist in your own town seems like an odd choice.

And I guess this is what they mean by "outside the mainstream". If we learned one thing in the past year, it's that it is bad to not be caught up in the middle of what the hell else everyone else is doing. And don't mistake this for some sign of me patting myself on the back for feeling that living an hour outside of anything considered interesting is some sort of rebellion. This is a goddamn pity party if there ever was one.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

I'm not passing judgement, I'm just bearing witness.

Mov. file. Manages to be both totally office safe, and yet not office safe.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Superman, my Loyal Leaguers, is a dick.

I think I linked to this a while back, but it's been re-brought to my attention by Mssrs. Harms and D.

But HE'S SUPERMAN!!! How can he be a dick?

Check out both this link and this link.

Keep in mind how DC was dreaming up its story ideas under Julie Schwartz. Julie would get one of his cover artists to draw up a cover with a crazy concept with a bizarre and seemingly inescapable situation for our heroes. Then, he would make the writers and artists drum up a story which would work to fulfill the expectations set by the cover WITHOUT upsetting the status quo of the comics. This led to some of the kookier, zanier ideas which were the hallmark of DC's Silver Age.

Again, thanks for the links. Now go take a look and be amazed at how cold hearted The Big Blue Boyscout can be.



Boy, does THAT bring back some memories.
Teaser art from the upcoming All-Star Superman comic series from the amazing Grant Morrison and Astounding Frank Quitely.


This is honestly the creepiest thing I've ever heard.

"The head that was removed from Manar in the operation which ended early Saturday had developed no body, and was capable of smiling and blinking, but not independent life."

--Mrs. League
I now know what I want for my birthday.
Welcome to the World, John Edward Thweatt

Congratulations to Lee and Sarah. They done had themselves boy numero three.

John Edward Thweatt was born, I think, yesterday. He's reportedly:

7 lbs, 10 ounces
19 inches long

Likes: Floating inverted in amniotic fluid and eating with his navel.
Dislikes: Air conditioning, staying awake for longer than ten minutes at a time (proof positive he's Lee's child).


John begins his plot to overthrow civilization.
Teaser art for the upcoming All-Star Batman and Robin by Frank Miller and Jim Lee.


Monday, February 21, 2005

Hunter S. Thompson is dead at 67.

May he find a place wherein he no longer has to take any guff from those swine.
ASLEEP IN THE SEA


For those of you in the Austin, Tejas area, or for those of you who might be travelling there for SXSW, I got a show for you to see.

My student worker, Tom, is all set to play SXSW with his rockin' band, Asleep in the Sea.

Here is what their little blurb says:

Indie pop-rock group; together since Spring 2004. Self-released debut EP “Yay! OK? Yeah.”, as well as their childishly amusing live show, can be characterized by beautiful three part harmonies, cute yet disturbing lyrics, and catchy sing-along choruses. Currently recording full-length album; seeking label and booking.

I believe they are playing the first night of SXSW. You should go check them out, and keep shouting "TOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!" throughout their set. Tom would appreciate that.
A Super-Invitation, continued...

Hey, all.

After getting an e-mail or two, and checking the comments section, I thought I'd pop in and clear up some logistical details on the Superman movie screenings.

1) Jim has not yet secured the film prints. This means a) this might not happen if he can't get the prints, and b) we can't say when the screening will be until Jim knows when the film is available.

So, don't ask me when the screening is until we know when Jim can get the prints. I would estimate mid-Summer.

2) Everybody is welcome. Superman is a PG movie, so bring your Ma and Pa for all I care. This is an open invitation to come check out THE GREATEST MOTION PICTURE EVER MADE.

So, if you can read these words, Jim and I would want you there.

See you in Otisberg.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

THE LEAGUE TAKES A MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR TO SEE: CONSTANTINE

So, As mentioned here a short while ago, The League was deeply skeptical over the new Warner Bros. film, Constantine.

I'm not going to re-hash my reservations about the film AGAIN, so if you want to know what they were, and you were too lazy to click the link the first time, you may do so now. We'll be here when you get back.

Viewed without any prior knowledge of the Hellblazer comic books, I think Constantine stacks up fairly well. Or at least I think it does. It's sort of hard to tell. Jamie seemed to think it made sense, anyway.

Viewed with knowledge of the comic books, it was a sort of "Oh, why did they do that?" mish-mash of items from and not from the comics. The flick was definitely sculpted in the studio system, and thusly, a lot of stylistic choices were made from the second scene of the movie which I might not have agreed with, but which seemed to work fairly well.

To attempt to drop a synopsis of the plot here would either drag on too long or make the movie sound sort of more ridiculous than it really was.

Keanu Reeves plays a snarky version of Keanu Reeves as titular character John Constantine. To discuss Reeves' poor acting ability is to belabor the obvious, and yet, doing so fills me with a warm sense of self-satisfaction... Reeves, after dozens of movies and now at two decades as a major actor, is still one of the most wooden actors I can think of, and, honestly, I think he was terribly miscast for the role. The decision to add him into the mix was no doubt a business decision, made when the studios were misinterpreting the success of the Matrix films as being drawn from Reeves' 10-gigowatts of star power instead of Kung-Fu and explosions. Hoping to score big once again, WB tossed him into this picture, in order to, I guess, make another franchise picture. (For further examples, check out how 2 years ago some WB execs really, really, really wanted Ashton Kutscher to play Superman. Because he has a bajillion gigowatts of pure STARPOWER!!!!!!)

I didn't really notice Reeves' was looking so awkward until he had his scene at about page 30 with Gabriel, played by Tilda Swinton. Apparently this Swinton person is a very popular actress in a bunch of movies not containing robots, monkeys or people in capes, so The League saw her 11 years ago in Orlando and then immediately forgot all about her. BUT, she's really very, very good in the few scenes she appears in.

And therein lies Reeves' dilemma. Alone, in short, choppy scenes, he's okay. But give him the rest of the assembled cast to deal with, and suddenly he's sticking out like a sore thumb.

For people unfamiliar with the way Constantine works, and the way magic more or less works in DC Comics, they provide us with the token "Tour guide" character in the form of Rachel Weisz. She's also the love and interest, who serves as a landing pad for the exposition as Constantine moves from scene to scene. She's the lynchpin of the plot, and she plays her part about as well as could be expected, so I pretty much forgave her for taking on this thankless role.

Couple of points:

a) This is an odd movie for product placement, and yet there it is. A Chevy ad plays a small role in the film. Jamie and I had a short debate over whether or not Quizno's and 7-11 had paid for product placement (she believed they had, I wasn't so sure). But the fact of the matter is that a Quizno's does, in fact appear in the film in big, neon letters. And, you sort of think that perhaps Constantine is headed for the Quizno's after battling a buggy demon.

b) The poor Mexican dude. What a thankless, and, in the end, pointless role. That whole character and "storyline" needed a re-write and could have been eliminated. Spoiler here: Why did the cows die but people are immune? What was compelling the dude to make a run for the border? None of this is really ever fleshed out. It sort of just happens.

c) Papa Midnight's club was kind of neat, but with so few "normal" people inhabiting this movie, it fell into the same trap as movies like Underworld. It's all monsters, so, you know, what's special about any one of the characters? In this movie, there's nothing special about Constantine. He's just one of many of these folks running around the world.

It's worthless to sit back and say "Well, if I'd directed the movie, I would have done x, y and z." But this is my review, and I'm going to do it anyway.

This movie could have really benefitted from the "less is more" school of story telling. The first two scenes involve some large scale special effects, establishing for the viewer that Constantine and his like-minded mystical pals must be operating out in the open. By NOT showing a demon in the first five minutes, the movie could have tried to actually build a level of terror. After all, you aren't afraid of the dark when you're in a dark room, you're scared of what you can't see that might be out there. Sadly, this movie cost $100 million, so you know they aren't going to NOT show off their very expensive effects, and thusly, removed any terror element which could have helped to build atmosphere.

The movie seemed to want to pick up on a lot of neat little plot elements from the comics and cram them all into one movie. Unfortunately in doing so, it sort of created a "Hogwarts for taxpayers" filmic universe. You get to see John's neat toys, and see some of the magical crowd he runs around with. The movie invents a sort of "Q" character to provide John with his magical shot gun (seriously), his cockroach, his Nimbus 3000, and other doo-dads. They brought in characters from the comics (but to tell is to give away the plot, somewhat), and turned Chas from an old, long-suffering pal into an eager-beaver Robin proto-type.

The decision to add a "Q" character, on the outside, seems like a decent one. It ALMOST worked in Van Helsing, but not quite. But these "Q" guys are meant to assist people who are too busy punching people to fill out Purchase Order forms. The movie does re-cast Constantine as a guy who can kick-ass (as we witness in the 3rd reel) , which is a serious departure from the comics, where John gets beat up quite regularly. I think in the context of the movie, John being a ninja-master of magic sort of works, but it wasn't really necessary.

Oddly, of the elements which they did keep, two of the most important were given only the lightest of lip service.

1) Magic has a price. Jamie felt this was mentioned, and it was, but it also defines who John Constantine is from the comics. He's not a snarky bastard because he was born that way, he's a snarky bastard because life made him that way. He found out about magic, and it's cost him at every turn. If he's cutting jokes, it's in order to keep him from crying. One doesn't just muck with the laws of physics and not expect some backlash.

2) For John, these things tend to come back at him in the form of dead friends. When John goes out of his way to, say, prevent the end of known existence, and even if he's done everything just right, somebody ends up getting it. To make matters more interesting, these people are usually damned to follow John around for eternity. Some would speculate that John doesn't really see the ghosts, he's just suffering from some serious guilt and a derth of friends.

John actually mentions how he "doesn't need any more ghosts", but they never really elaborate.

Instead, the movie kind-of, sort-of makes him a wise-cracking jerk. But they never really commit. It's an odd choice, and it doesn't give Keanu a lot of room fo rhis already limited choices.

In a way, this movie was better than I was actually expecting, but that isn't really saying much. It's a renter, but it's not going to be one to be filed away for future generations of movie fans. I suspect comic fans will keep it alive on video for years.

Had they spent 1/4 of what they did, I think the producers might have felt less pressure to fill every scene with bat winged demons and zombie types. That wasn't the case, and I think for some folks, this movie is going to be fun. It has lots of crazy stuff, nifty explosions, and manages to treat the material seriously.

I'll put it this way: The League enjoyed seeing it, but isn't going to be running out to buy the poster for his dorm room.

On the plus side, the trailers for Batman Begins and Sin City had me giggling with girlish glee.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

So...

A SUPER invitation from Jim!

Jim D isn't just a somewhat competent attorney, he's also something of a film nerd. Scratch that, Jim is a HUGE film nerd. Why, back in film school, Jim didn't just pay lip service to understanding and enjoying foreign film, he actually showed genuine appreciation for the film of other lands. HA HA HA HA HA HA

Oh, Jim.

In the past year, Jim teamed up with a different pal of his from film school and shot and produced a feature length film. See Pleadings stuff here.

As if that's not enough, Jim is also, apparently, chairman of the film board for the local vintage theater. Pretty crazy. This means Jim gets to chair the group which selects the movies the theater shows during their summer film series (Jim, step in here any time if I'm getting these details incorrect).

As part of his duties, Jim is looking into whether or not he can secure prints of Superman: The Movie and Superman II. So, Jim has asked if I want to join him the sprawling metropolis of Beaumont, Texas for a day or two and be a part of the screening.

Well, Leaguers, it's been about 25 years since I've seen either movie on the big screen, so my heart is a-twitter. That twitter may just be the 35 minutes I just did on the elliptical machine, but I'm pretty sure it's some form of genuine excitement.

With a new Superman movie shooting in March, it's a great chance for the good folks of Beaumont, TX to see the movies which are going to be the basis for the new film (basically, the new film is supposed to pick up where Superman II left off, ignoring Superman III and IV altogether). So, in a way, this a very unqique opportunity for an audience to take in the full cinematic experience just a year before the next film is released.

Apparently Jim has shown his creative side in his chairmanship and tries to set the mood for the film out in the lobby before showtime even begins. For example, before showing Glory, they might have Civil War re-enactors hanging out. Before showing Raging Bull, a shirtless and sweaty Randy will punch you in the face for a dollar.

This is all contingent on Jim securing prints of the two movies, as I will not show up for, say, BlankMan.

Part of me is also trying to figure out how to get a Jor-El costume together before the screening, because Lord knows I am NOT squeezing into any blue unitards, no matter how funny the final effect might be.

So, if this pans out, I welcome EACH AND EVERY LOYAL LEAGUER to join us in Beaumont, Texas for one AMAZING DAY as we screen two great movies. We will, of course, go drinking immediately after the films are over.

More details to come.
I don't know if anyone else watched Smallville last night, but that episode was pretty funny.

No, they did not end up calling the dog "Krypto" at the end of the episode, despite what Clark wanted to do. Instead, the dog is named "Shelby", which is pretty cool. Jeph Loeb, former Superman writer and current producer on Smallville, had established in the graphic novel "Superman For All Seasons" that Clark had a dog named Shelby when he was in high school. Voila! It all ties together neatly in a way which is pleasing to us comic nerds.

In discussions with The League's brother last night, he mentioned that my entries in these pages are not as lengthy as they once were. I suspect he is right on the nose about that one. At one point, entries were topping three or four pages, and these days, I do seem to keeping it brief.

There are probably several mitigating factors.

a) I have already covered a lot of ground and I only have so many stories which are really fit to print or which are even all that amusing.

b) I am a busy beaver with work, as I once was, but I have come to often feel that my off-work hours can also be spent doing things which don't involve as much in the way of blogging. Last semester, school was a bear. Now, I'm also trying to make time for reading and doing other things which I haven't really been doing a lot of.

c) Sometimes it's tough to get revved up to write some three page essay on the merits of Sid and Marty Krofft. Something will seem like an ingenious idea in the elevator on the way down to the car, and when you sit down with the old laptop to write about it, you got nothing.

d) My audience is weird. I have no idea who visits here on a regular basis, or how often, so the idea of cranking out 3 or 4 pages per day every day seems like it would be less attractive to people who only occasionally pop in. Who needs to get that involved in my personal navel-gazing when it actually takes effort?

e) My topics of discussion are probably edited more than I'd like for them to be. Here at The League, we try to play good host and avoid Sex, Religion and Politics. This isn't just because we're trying to be polite, it's also because The League is not a place for well-thought out discussion on much of anything. If I wanted to play High School Forensics Club, I'd set up a separate site to do so.

I do think there are great forums for debate on these topics, and debating these topics is both intelligent and human. However, The League is neither of these things, and so would rather investigate the mysteries of the useless.

f) I think I'm rambling slightly less and editing out points which repeat. By this I mean, I'm finding things which I already said, and cutting them out. So, when something I already said appears, I can make the appropriate edits.

g) I'll be honest, some days blogging is a bit like howling into the wind. You write a 3-4 page treatise on the wonders of The Banana Splits, and nobody responds. It's sort of the same uncomfortable effect you get when you finish a lengthy statement at the Thanksgiving table regarding the welfare of mankind, there's an awkward pause, and then Aunt Gertie starts talking about how her bunion is keeping her from making it to Plinko night at the Senior Center. After that, you're most likely to keep it a little more on the low-down.

That's really the best explanation I can give you. Everything winds down after a while. I've already kept with this blogging hoo-hah far longer than I ever intended to. While I am not feeling the desire to put the final kaibosh on The League, I think I've more or less pushed the limits of what I'm going to do here, as well as the limits of the patience of the average human for comic-related trivia.

I guess all I can say is that the thing which makes me most inspired to keep involved with The League is reader feedback via e-mail or comments. No comments (in my ego-driven mind) equates to no readers, or at least no interest in what people are reading.

So if you're out there, say hullo from time to time.

And, now, "Superman is a...". Content is office friendly. Title of the website is probably not office friendly, unless your office is more fun than my own.

Tomorrow: Earth-Shattering invitation from Jim D.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Hey, DO NOT FORGET TO SET YOUR VCRs!

Smallville is on tonight, and it's the "Krypto" episode.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Bit and Pieces:

Good dog.

And, hey... Right on.

Also, the Minnesota Vikings were just purchased by a dude from right here in Chandler, AZ. Apparently there's a really rich guy named reggie living right here in my own backyard.

Reed, I hope you like the idea of cheering for the Chandler Vikings.
It's good to see fine art appreciated.
Oy.

I went to the doctor today. I'm not sick, but I switched insurance this year and I decided to start seeing Jamie's doctor since he seems like a non-quack.

Anyhoo, I mostly talked to his PA or NP or whatever, and then Dr. Chang came in, looked me square in the eye and said, "You need to eat less and exercise everyday. But I am not telling you anything you don't already know."

So, it's back to the gym for Ryan as we try to keep the Grim Reaper from coming to collect for a while longer yet.

I have a few wishes regarding death.

1) I don't want to die in some embarassing way. Depending on what you read, Elvis died after a particularly hearty BM. His girlfriend found him face down on the bathroom rug, pants around his ankles. I'd like to avoid this scene for both my sake, and that of Jamie and the funeral workers.

2) I'd like for my death to be a complete surprise. For example, I'll take a piano falling from a tenth story window and squishing me, but I'd prefer just not to know the big one is coming. WHAMMO and over with. Especially if it's a wacky sudden death such as a falling piano. That'd be great.

3) I don't want to outlive everyone I know. That's just way too Omega Man for my tastes. However, if everyone turns into zombies, I'm going to stick around, because then you've still sort of got company and I always wanted to see the final fate of humanity.

4) I'd prefer not to die in front of children. I just wouldn't feel very good about scarring some little kid for life.

5) If I can't have a surprise death, I hope I don't go down without a fight. I'm not talking about fighting some disease, because that's obvious. I mean I hope I'm old, senile and not afraid to take out an orderly or two before I go down.

6) I hope I can take Jason with me.

7) I'd like a Viking Funeral on Town Lake. Load me up with all my earthly possessions, float me past the bridge and then light me up. Also, I'd like for someone to play Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train" as I go up.

I don't think any of this is too much to ask for. You have to think about these things in advance or you're never going to be prepared when your number is up.

Monday, February 14, 2005

A Eulogy for Ninja-Boy

Friend, Conversation Piece, Goldfish


Ninja-Boy, goldfish of the Amazing Steanso, was found floating, pectorals up, this morning. I have decided to eulogize Ninja-Boy in the way most befitting. By quoting Spock's Eulogy by Kirk from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.

We are assembled here today to pay final respects to our honored dead.

And yet, it should be noted, that in the midst of our sorrow, this death takes place in the shadow of new life, the sunrise of a new world, a world that our beloved comrade gave his life to protect and nourish. He did not feel this sacrifice a vain or an empty one, and we will not debate his profound wisdom at these proceedings. Of my friend, I can only say this...

Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most -

human.


GODSPEED, NINJA BOY.
Mrs. League here.

In honor of Valentine's Day, I urge you to not allow your loved ones to eat this. The Hamdog.

Leaguers, this is the most disgusting item of 'food' I have ever seen. A brief description:

"a hot dog wrapped by a beef patty that's deep fried, covered with chili, cheese and onions and served on a hoagie bun. Oh yeah, it's also topped with a fried egg and two fistfuls of fries"

Bleargh.


I would also like to wish the League a Happy Valentine's Day. He is truly the bestest husband in the world! Thanks for a wonderful Valentine's Day weekend!
Happy Valentine's Day, Leaguers!

Jamie and I sort of already had Valentine's Day over the weekend. Sorry, Jamie. No big surprises today.

We went and saw the travelling show of The Lion King, which was much better than you would think it would be. After the fiasco we had going to the theater last time, I was feeling a bit nervous about going to the show once again, but it all panned out just fine. Leaguers, it's the circle of life, and it moves us all.

Jamie and I will probably stay in and eat sandwiches for Valentine's Day dinner. I'm not sure if that's romantic, but that's what I've got planned.

If you want to read up on what Valentine's Day is (aside from one of very few holidays that involves both the name of a Saint and occassionally the exchanging of saucy underwear), you can check out the History Channel's web-site here.


A scene from the early stages of Mr. and Mrs. League's relationship.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

It's Krypto week here at The League.

Who is Krypto?

Back in the Silver Age of comics, the editors at DC Comics did not want the worlds of their characters growing boring. So, legend has it, the editors literally asked their young children and nieces and nephews for ideas from time to time. They'd ask, "So, you read these Superman comics I leave about. What would it be neat if Superman could do?"

The legend goes on to say that the kids eventually decided it would be neat if Superboy could have a dog of his own. See, Leaguers, you may think the WB's Smallville was the only place we've ever seen Clark Kent come into his own, but for years and years, Superboy had his own comic series (Adventure Comics) in which he saved the citizens of Smallville from various menaces.

So it came to pass that the readers learned that Superboy's father, Jor-El, was no chump. He had not sent his son off into space in an untested rocket. In fact, Jor-El had built a test rocket and launched it into space, manned with the family dog. Sort of a Laika from Krypton deal.

Anyhoo, Krypto's rocket was knocked off-course, but did, eventually, find its way to earth some time after Clark Kent had put on his long johns and taken to patrolling the greater Smallville metroplex from 2000 feet.



Post-Crisis, Krypto disappeared from DC Comics, written off as too silly or too outlandish for comics which are supposed to take themselves seriously. But you can't keep a good dog down, and when Jeph Loeb got involved with Superman comics around 2000, he wanted to bring back Krypto (along with a lot of Superman's Silver-Age Sci-Fi kookiness).

And while it drove some comics fans INSANE that Superman would once again have a super-powered dog, Loeb reintroduced Krypto. Why does Krypto drive comic nerds nuts? A lot of comic fans somehow perceive their favorite art form isn't taken seriously, and believe this will change if folks understand that they only read comics about kick-ass guys like, say, Wolverine or The Punisher, or other characters who stab people a lot. Flying dogs with heat vision don't fall into that picture terribly well.

But some readers really enjoyed Krypto, and a lot of folks working in Hollywood also still like the idea.

And so, Krypto is coming to television in two new forms!

On March 25th (a day which is important for some other reason, but I cannot recall why...) Krypto is coming to Cartoon Network as part of a new all-Krypto animated series. From these publicity pictures, it appears Ace The Bat-Hound is also joining the club.



Reuniting Superboy with Superdog, Smallville on the WB! is featuring an episode this Wednesday entitled "Krypto". Not exactly sure what the episode is about, but here's a picture of a guest-star.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Like everyone else, film majors like to lie about on sunny days casting imaginary movies. Years ago on just such a day, The League's film school pal, Justin L, suggested Seinfeld co-creator Larry David for a Spider-Man film. As whom?

Why, The Vulture, of course.

Could Justin L.'s prophecy be coming true?

Thursday, February 10, 2005

In case you missed it, Randy recently posted a photo of myself and Mrs. League on his site.
It's that time again kids (because we've got a lot of territory to cover)...

It's time for...

DAMES IN THE MEDIA THE LEAGUE ONCE DUG

Instead of trying to do this in chronological order, I'm going to stick with a mystery theme to be revealed later (see if you can figure it out!).

This time around, The League investigates Knight Rider phenom Bonnie Barstow as portrayed by Patricia McPherson.


The lovely Patricia McPherson as Bonnie Barstow, world's greatest Jiffy-Lube employee.

Bonnie came into my life a few years on from Wonder Woman, when, I believe, I was maturing quite nicely in my taste in Dames. No longer did twirling seem to be such an attractive trait in a woman. Well, it was still important, but not as important.

So what did Bonnie have?

1) Bonnie didn't fall for Michael's nonsense. Sure, I loved Knight Rider, too, but I always thought Michael was sort of creepy. He showed more chest hair than I wanted to look at as an eight year old boy, and he usually spent the duration of most shows making goo-goo eyes at the dame of the week. And he was nice enough to Bonnie, and maybe a little flirty, but a) she didn't have badly frosted early 80's hair so Michael would never take her seriously, anyway, and b) she wasn't interested in his nonsense. You never once saw Bonnie show the slightest interest in Michael. No interest in creepy guy? Already I could feel the pitter-patter of my heart.

2) Hey, I was eight. I could not have cared less about Michael Knight's trials and tribulations. In fact, if the show had been about KITT and Dom DeLuise, I would have tuned in week after week just the same. For me, Knight Rider was about the Knight Industries Two-Thousand. And who was the genius behing K.I.T.T.? Bonnie Barstow.


Bonnie has trouble installing KITT's new 8-track.

Yes sir, Michael was just some jack-ass the Knight Foundation sent out there so draw fire away from their billion dollar, AI-infused car. Also, it would have been deeply suspicious if K.I.T.T. were zipping around southern California with no "driver" at the wheel. At the end of the day, those of us who knew the score knew that the Knight Foundation might as well have put a circus monkey in the cabin for all the good Michael did.

But, who had the brains and know-how to keep that car running? Surely not Michael (who was shot in the head in the pilot, as I recall). Nah, It was Bonnie who kept that show running. She was technically inclined and liked to chat it up with the talking car. My kind of lady.


Bonnie chats it up with KITT while replacing the windshield wiper-fluid.


3) They tried to replace Bonnie, and it didn't take. It's totally true. In the 1983-84 season, Bonnie wasn't on the show. I'm not sure why Bonnie bailed on KITT, or why Patricia McPherson wasn't on, but they brought in this sort of blonde woman to try to fill in for Bonnie. Rebecca Holden played fake -Bonnie April Curtis, but April just couldn't fill Bonnie's jumpsuit, and so, the next season, Bonnie triumphantly returned.


The evil, fake Bonnie, April Curtis, whose hair is a magnificent feat of architecture.

4) Bonnie apparently lived in the back of a semi, sort of like the truck in SpyHunter. Not only that, but she lived in the back of a semi which was constantly rolling, always nearby when needed, had every part conceivable to help fix KITT, and was always well-lit and spotlessly clean.

This is not to mention that the interior of the semi seemed to defy the laws of time and space, appearing to be much, much larger inside than outside.

One was, of course, left to wonder if the semi had a driver who had never taken a bathroom break, or if KITT's idiot cousin was up there muttering to himself.

5) No matter what, Bonnie's white jumpsuit always appeared spotless.



Sure, Bonnie had a lot of traits I didn't have at age 8. For example, had I had a white jump suit, it would have had Cheet-o finger stains down the front. But Bonnie was more than just another Jodie from The Fall Guy. Bonnie wasn't just eye-candy, she was also a mechanic and she was smarter than the rest of the morons on that show combined.

So a salute to Bonnie Barstow, finest TV mechanic to ever grace a white jumpsuit.

To read MORE about Bonnie, go here.

Go here to read up on Wonder Woman.
Y'know... sometimes I miss the cold, steely threat of mutually assured destruction which we enjoyed during the days of my youth. You sort of thought the USSR was probably puffing its feathers as much as the US (after all, nobody really benefits when the world ends up a smoking cinder looping around El Sol), and it gave us a big, spectral enemy to dislike. AND the Cold War also provided us with some neat movies.

I need to rent Firefox again.

Sadly, I haven't really had that "We're all doomed" feeling since I was 14 and Gorby made all nice with the west and the wall came down.

But, hey, Armageddon is not something which likes to lay still, and it's making a come-back in all new, wackier format.

Here and here coupled with here, here and here.

I only hope our movie producers are up to the task. Sadly, the German accent sported so often by the villains in Cold War flicks will be sadly inappropriate this time around.

So, make peace with your gods, mortals. I'm getting my lawn chair and bag of Stay Puffed Marshmallows ready.
All right you un-American swine, it's time to VOTE. So get in there and have your say...

VOTE NOW.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

That does it. I'm fashioning a series of 'US governor' carrots and retiring. Can someone send me a profile shot of Janet Napolitano? -- Mrs. League

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

So the doorbell rang surprisingly late this evening, probably around 7:45. I was watching American Idol, an episode in which contestants were being weeded out of the 200 who had been selected out of the hundreds of thousands who had auditioned.

"It's amazing," one of us had remarked. "These guys audition and they all really think they're going to be the finalist."

And later, when the lady who had sold her wedding ring to make it to the first set of auditions was told she was not going to go on... and she broke down and said something along the lines of "I guess I'm going to have to find something else to do..." and you couldn't help but feel bad, but at the same time... American Idol dominates television. It reigns supreme as the purest of signs of the image conscious, semi-talented bland vanilla of popular culture. Mostly, the show spotlights those aspiring to be popular entertainers for 9-14 year-olds, but mostly wanting to be as ubiquitous as Colgate. I don't think there are many people over the age of 25 buying the albums by the likes of Clay Aiken and Kelly Clarkson, but I might be wrong. These are people who have fashioned themselves into approximations of entertainers, without the staff available day and night to ensure they are constantly in the right pants and jacket. Something for nothing.

But this is the dream, and it's what American Idol holds out for the contestants before pushing them back, teary eyed and invariably embarrassed, back into the world of Wal-Marts and Papa Johns.

I got up and got the door.

This skinny little kid with a large guy was standing on the other side of the security door, and immediately, the kid launched into his prepared lines.

"Hello, sir. I am working with the (blank blank) youth sponsorship group. I am selling newspapers in order to raise funds for savings bonds for college, and to win points towards a trip to Magic Mountain."

Immediately the larger guy cut in.

"We're working with the (blank blank) organization, and we're selling the weekend edition of the East Valley Tribune. A lot of kids don't have a lot of guidance in their life..."

I nodded, caught the basic gist of what they were selling and why, asked how much, and went and got my check book. 1) I don't get the paper currently, and 2) I'm a sucker for kids pretending to save for college. Plus, the kid might go to Magic Mountain. I want to go to Magic Mountain, but if I can't go, someone should.

"Twenty bucks?" I said to the kid.
"Yeah," said the guy. "You play football?"
"No. A little basketball in high school. A little lacrosse."
"Yeah, you look like you played football."
"Ha. No."
"I played five seasons with the Cardinals."
I sort of blinked. Totally embarrassed and not wanting to ask him his name at all, because, honestly, I've never even watched my hometown team on TV. I've listened to them on the radio, but... No. I wasn't going to know who this guy was.
"Yeah, I'm not playing now, so I got involved with helping kids, doing stuff like this."
"Hey, that's great."
"Yeah, last year was really rough. I was going through a divorce, and I was riding my motorcycle and it spun out and I hurt my shoulder and so I'm not playing."
And, I didn't say, Dennis Green cleared house the day he got here. Not even bad players. He just started firing people.

Christ.

I was reminded of the time I was buying plane tickets from this lady from Southwest Airlines, sometime just before Christmas. She told me as I was thanking her that I was her last customer. "Before the Holiday?" "No. After this call I go home and they close the office. They're closing this office permanently tonight." "Before Christmas?" "Yeah."

Christ.

"But I'm going to get back into it," he said. "I had a shoulder surgery and I'm going to get back out there and play again."
He could. He was maybe pushing 30. He was big, but lean. He looked like a player.
"For Arizona?"
"No. Up north."
"Yeah?"
"I'm thinking Green Bay."
"Interesting year for them next year."
"I know Brett Favre," he was used to pulling this one out. It impressed the hell out of people. I love Brett Favre. He's my favorite quarterback. Whether I liked it or not, I was impressed as hell. Unsolicited, the guy went through his history with Brett and I nodded a lot.
And then he finished, and I said something vaguely supportive and impressed.
"I've had three knee surgeries, two shoulder surgeries and probably'll have back surgery before I can go back out there. But I'm training every day."
"You can get back out there for a few more years," I said, and I knew it sounded pretty lame.
"In the meantime I'm working with these kids, and I'm trying to help give them direction I never had."

And this guy, he wasn't like these kids on this show, jumping up and getting 15 minutes on AI, squawking out a few bars and trying to look good. He'd already been where he was going to go, and now he's standing on some guy's front porch spilling his guts, because maybe if he tells enough people and he believes it enough, maybe he's going to be back out there on the field again next season. The divorce and motorcycle accident will be behind him, and he can proudly talk about how he took time off helping kids, getting his head together. And when he's done, he can say he played with the great Brett Favre in his final season, and that all of this, being down with the rest of us fans, maybe that'll have been just a bump in the road.

So, you know, next fall I'll be looking for the guy in the pictures of the line-up of Green Bay.
I know nobody else saw the conclusion of the Suns/ Kings game, but that was freaking crazy.

Look for the last play on SportsCenter. That was insane.
Several interesting casting choices, the latest of which is here. Looks like the dude who played Kumar of Harold and Kumar go to White Castle is in the new Superman movie.

But as who? Doesn't say, but it sounds like he might be Pete Ross. Or, maybe Steel? Or Krypto? Or, maybe, some made-up guy. I'm hoping he's in a white doggy costume paying Krypto, but I'm cool like that.

Remember that good looking dame from North By Northwest? What ever happened to her? Eva Marie Saint is going to be Ma Kent. Seriously.

Kevin Spacey is Luthor. That dude from House, MD is Perry White. Sam Huntington from one movie or another is Jimmy Olsen. And Cyclops from X-Men is scheduled to play John Jameson... whoops. I mean, Perry White's kid. Who, I believe, croaked in the comics.

But rumors are swirling that the story involves Brainiac (which I applaud) teaming up with Luthor. So who is playing Brainiac?

While I vote for RHPT, I am not sure Randy would choose to wear the awesome costume.

There are various versions of Brainiac floating around in the Superman comics... but I am betting we get some mix of time-travelling Brainac 13 and Brainiac from JLU. Other versions just won't translate well to the big screen.
Not sure exactly what Warner Bros. Studios and DC Comics are up to...

As I was telling Randy the other day via e-mail, I really do try not to dwell too much on the business side of the comic book business. But, for the sake of clarity, it helps to know that DC Comics is owned by Mega-Monopoly AOL Time Warner. Specifically, DC Comics is not in the Warner Books section of the company, as you would suspect, but rather, DC Comics is part of the movie studio wing of the company.

What I'm not clear on is if this wing also includes the television networks which AOL Time Warner owns. These networks include the obvious WB network as well as Cartoon Network, Boomerang and a few others I am probably totally unaware of. But at one point, it also basically owned NBC's butt as the WB was responsible for much of NBC's line-up (Friends, Seinfeld, ER, and.. uh... Suddenly Susan).

So, Marvel Comics, which is publicly traded and is more or less it's own beast, has been pumping out a string of movies beginnign with Blade, now in it's unfortunate 3rd installment. Spider-Man made a truck load of dough, the sequel did likewise... X-Men and X-men United did well, so it seems like people are willing to drop a few clams to check out superheroes at the theater. Although, honestly, I think the soon-to-be-filmed Nic Cage Ghost Rider movie may change all of that.

So, where are the DC movies?

They're coming.

WB has had the brands out there to some extent. We know Smallville has been out there touting a pre-cape Superman for 3.5 seasons. And Justice League (now JLU) has been selling some of the major players for several years.

Batman Begins (the Bat-film for this summer) is now being edited, Superman is scheduled to begin shooting in very short order (in March, I think), A Flash movie is being scripted, Green lantern rumors abound, and... get this Buffy-geeks, Joss Whedon may be directing a Wonder Woman movie.

As Marvel's movies are already losing steam (the trailer for FF looks pretty bland to me, anyway) DC may be ready to assemble the JLA for the big screen. It's a pipe-dream, but dammit, I'm going with it.

While you chew on that, here's a story on a possible Wonder Woman movie, with a link to the actress most recently suggested for the starring role.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Hooray. I am no longer sick.

I feel kind of okay. And after a week of feeling like I'd been jumped by a troop of baboons, next week is going to be great.

Of course, as I am feeling better, Mel got two of his claws popped off jumping off the playground equipment. He had done this many times before with no ill-effect, but as you can imagine, my guilt is running pretty deep.

We just finished watching the Superbowl. Totally randomly we chose to cheer for the Eagles. Good choice, but, luckily, we don't care all that much that they lost. I feel a little weird since all I've done for a week is watch TV. First, the week of being sick. Then, yesterday, we did some grocery shopping and whatnot, but we stayed in and watched the Suns game. I do feel like a total traitor becoming a Suns fan, but they show almost all of their games here, so after a while you do get attached. Especially at the level of play these guys have been showing this season.

Of course, we started watching Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl about 3.5 hours before kick-off. For being, possibly, the most straight forward programming ever to appear on television, it was surprisingly entertaining.

Next weekend I PROMISE to be good and go do real stuff and go to the gym and whatnot, but I feel like I had a pretty good unofficial holiday weekend.

I wasn't nuts about too many commercials which ran this year, and I thought the Marvel Superheroes Visa commercial was a total dud. I suppose it was kind of okay... but I couldn't even tell who was supposed to be talking, and most of the characters were lit so poorly, I couldn't make out the second row anyway.

On the other hand, the half-time show (starring Sir Paul McCartney) wasn't half-bad in its simplicity. Hopefully they'll remember next year that you don't need to cover the stage in MTV approved stars, and that there are maybe a few musicians who most of a football stadium will agree to enjoy (and not, in fact, boo), and most of the millions of viewers won't actually spend the half-time show making fun of the musician... And, hey... I didn't even need to cynically use quotations marks around the word "musician."

Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed the game. Or party. Or snarkily doing anything BUT watching the Superbowl because, you know, you don't watch sports on TV (in which case I reserve the right to give you noogies and wedgies, nerd).

Psst! Hi Leaguers - Mrs. League here. The League is currently absorbed in an engaging program called the Puppy Bowl -- Animal Planet's answer to today's Super Bowl festivities. It involves dumping about 10 puppies in a minature stadium complete with toys, water bowl, and a 'referee' (read: pooper scooper) who occasionally makes an appearance and throws a penalty flag. By the League's mesmerized expression I'll be lucky if he'll let me switch over to the big game come 4:30.

In other news, Melbotis has had himself a lil' ol' accident. Poor fella lost 2 claws at the playground yesterday which involved a bloody paw and has been limping since. Let's all wish Mel a speedy recovery.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Sometimes I really miss living near mi hermano, The Amazing Steanso.

Sure, he's lice ridden and smells like that white-cheddar Mac and Cheese they serve you in elementary school, but aside from his incontinence, I like to think he and I have a lot in common.

Namely, we both really, really like bad movies. More specifically, we could always get each other excited about going to see a movie with a somewhat promising premise which we knew had been an utter failure in its execution.

And with commercials now running ad nauseum for Constantine, I am missing Jason more than ever. BY GOD, we would have been out to see that one opening night.

What Constantine has going for it:

Constantine is based upon DC's Hellblazer comic, a long running title featuring a lower-class Brit who happens to know quite a bit about the world of magic. John Constantine was envisioned by Alan Moore, the same guy who gave us From Hell, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Watchmen and numerous other ingenious comics. (note: some of these have been translated into abysmal movies).



The trick to the comic is that Constantine isn't Merlin. He's not flying around on magic carpets and shooting lasers out of his eyes. Constantine uses the sort of magic that if he swings a dead cat around his head for half an hour under a blood-red moon while chanting the words to "House of the Rising Sun", he might somehow come out on the winning end of a bet. It's that sort of voo-doo, witchy magic.

The comics are pretty good, and I followed them for years until they got on a creative team I didn't like, and I just never got back into Hellblazer.

Constantine's story is basically about a guy who, when we meet him, we know, no matter what, he is going to Hell. He tends to get his friends killed, he tends to lie, cheat and steal to get the job done, and he literally makes deals with the devil (hey, it's how he beat lung cancer...). So, right... Kind of a cool, grubby, underground comic which isn't looking for superheroes overhead, it's looking at the worms in the gutter.

Technically, in a lot of ways, Hellblazer is a horror comic.

Strikes against:

Now, essential to the comic is the fact that John is lower class, middle-aged and British. John's roots in late 70's punk bands, Thatcherian-era recession and whatnot are key character elements in a book which relies 95% on character and 5% on plot.

Flat out, this SHOULD have been a Gary Oldman vehicle, and instead we have Ted S. Preston, Esq.


At least he's smoking and wearing a tie. That's a start.

The movie also appears to be an action flick. Translation: the producers optioned another comic in the wake of Spider-Man's success, only to find out the comic was about a chain-smoking Londoner who stands around a lot using the "f-bomb." Unsure of what, exactly, they should do with the material, they cut it down to the few times Constantine has ever been depicted running, and voila!

I am so hoping I am wrong. I really am. But, somehow, I have a really bad feeling about this. Sometimes you wish they would just rip off the source material, rename it and sell it as something new rather than demonstrating that they totally did not understand what they bought in the first place.

I'll probably still go see this movie. I don't know why, but I'll probably still go see it if Jamie is game. But I guarantee you, Jason would be PUMPED UP to go and see this flick, and he'd have $6.00 for a coke and popcorn, too.


Thursday, February 03, 2005

Hey. Jamie is feeling a bit low about being so silent of late here at The League.

She's making some delicious Polynesian Chicken at the moment, but she said she wants to say "Hi."

So, you know...

Hi. From, uh... from Jamie.
From Reuters:

Advertisers at this year's Super Bowl hark back to the familiar in new commercials for TV's biggest event, dusting off celebrities from decades ago and putting childhood icons into the spotlight. Cartoon super heroes like Spider-Man and Captain America rush to the rescue in payment card company Visa's spot, while the Muppets dig in to Pizza Hut fare. Cartoon hero Thor is seen in the Visa ad in this undated publicity photo. (Visa/Reuters)


Thor poses for the latest Dio album cover

The League has never been a huge fan of Thor. Yes, yes... we understand the Kirby connection and that he's a classic Marvel character, but I've just never been nuts about the comics he's been in. Hey, I know... I'm as surprised as you are.

The good thing about commercials is that the characters usually appear unaltered, and sometimes it's cool to see these characters appear in the living flesh, doing their thing, untouched by Hollywood costume designers.

The best part is that Thor is hawking credit cards. Why does a Thunder God need credit cards? No one can say. But I am sure if the Avengers issued Thor a credit card, he would be sure to run up charges and skip town.

But nothing was as disturbing as the 1997 Baby Ruth ad starring DC's own Hawkman.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

The League is sick of being sick.

I headed into work this morning, and about half-way there realized I had made a terrible, terrible mistake. Well, I thought, you can tough it out.

About 1:20 I realized that I was unable to actually understand what my co-workers were telling me and that I just sort of wanted to lay down under my desk, and so I headed home about 2:00.

I shouldn't complain. This is the first time I've been this sick since I escaped the ragweed and moldy weather of Austin. Once every three years ain't that bad. And given Jamie's laundry list of medical fun, I have absolutely no room to complain. Of course, she totally is nice when I'm feeling run down, which makes me feel totally guilty as I think I've become a bit jaded to Jamie's ups and downs.

The question now is: Do I try again for work tomorrow? After all, I actually feel worse now than I did this time yesterday (despite my heartbreak at the Suns' loss to the mighty Memphis Grizzlies).

I would like to feel better for the weekend. And I would like tickets to the Suns game Saturday night. I do not think either will happen.

While the rest of you suckers were watching that dude in the State of the Union Address (and alternately nodding solmenly in agreement or throwing Fiddle Faddle at the screen. You know who you are.) The League was getting caught up with his new Batman: The Animated Series DVD.

Pretty sweet stuff. These episodes are each little master strokes of animation with a distinctive voice, character and perspective. Unlike most cartoons, the logic and storylines are always tight, while still being cool stories for ages 3 - 90.

My Superman DVD's also made a showing, but Jamie is indisposed this evening and has made a special request that I delay viewing them until she can participate.

Mel, on the other hand, has taken his Superfandom into an entirely new direction and decided to guest-star in an upcoming episode of Smallville.


Mel is delighted to be guest-spotting on the upcoming "Krypto" episode of the WB's Smallville.

Good for Melbotis.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

I know this shouldn't be funny, but...

I now much watch my collection lest the opposition forces take hold of Lt. Spider-Man and Captain Superman.

The League has fallen ill. We done got ourselves the bug that's going around the office. So, you know, for the first time in quite a while, The League is taking a few days off to lay in his own cloud of germs and feel funky.

Last night, due to the lack of breathing and hacking and coughing, The League decided to exile himself to the guest room. Mel decided to sleep on the floor. Unfortunately, Mel snores more than The League, so The League was waking up every half hour poking Mel so he'd knock it off.

Anyway, The League still feels funky, but not nearly as funky as yesterday. Or, especially, not as funky as Sunday night when The League was seeing a bright light and the spirits of his ancestors.

Ya'll take care in The League's absence and drink plenty of juice.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Oh, and I don't know who Ginny is, but she's linked to The League.

Thanks, Ginny! As Hammer would say, Proper!

And thanks to Jim for somehow locating Ginny's blog and forwarding the link.

I'll be adding Razzberry Vinaigrette to The League forthwith.

right on.
Hey, wow. Cool.

Heidi McDonald has added a link back to The League at her website which is read by, literally, more than a dozen comic fans. No, seriously, Heidi's blog is top of the top the world of comic related websites.

It's kind of cool to be blog rolled, even way, way, way down the page. But! I'm also not exactly a creator, am I?

That was super of her! Heidi gets a Mellie.
Food Network is really weird.

They have a show about tailgating starring either someone who looks exactly like Holly Robinson or else it IS Holly Robinson refusing to take her career off life support. Good for her.

All she is doing on this program is introducing segments on how people tailgate around the country. This requires her to stand over a Weber and jab a fork into meat on the grill.

It says on IMDB that Holly is the daughter of Gordon from Sesame Street. Huh. But not the Gordon I am familiar with. Apparently Sesame Street swapped out Gordons at some point.

Sometimes what I learn on the internet creeps me out.