Worst Comic Movies of All Time

Ho-boy. Here we go.

I'm sticking with the same rules in regards to superhero comics adapted for the big screen. I also have to apologize for posting this a day late. I was working on it last night and became tired and opted for bed over an incoherent second half.


So...

The biggest challenge, except where otherwise noted, is that I haven't bothered to watch several of these again since I first bore witness to their malice. So some of these I barely remember at this point, except for a deep sense of melancholy when I try to recall my theatrical experience.

These are as bottom of the barrel as I can go and not somehow do an about face and grow to love the production for its awfulness. I've referred to the JLA TV pilot that never aired, and I kind of like how the only thing right about it is that someone thought to throw some cash around and hired Miguel Ferrer to play a version of Weather Wizard.

1) Spawn.
When discussing terrible movies a few days ago, Jason mentioned this particular gem, and I cannot disagree. I'm not sure the idea of Spawn in itself is bad, even if it does sound like a 14 year old's idea based on an inability to reconcile his love of death-metal album covers with wanting his creation to be heroic. The idea of turninga negative into a positive is one I can get behind, but...

in the comic and movie, Spawn is a rebelled agent of the devil. Rather than leading Beelzebub's forces on Earth, he uses his nightmarish powers, in a big ol' plot twist, for GOOD, fighting and hunting Satan's demons, who don't appear as metaphors, but as actual demons. I have to admit, once you actually show the face of THE Devil, you've sort of lost me. In fact, all of the "hell" sequences lost me, as they all looked like they'd been cooked up on an Amiga, circa 1993.

Aside from the premise, I'll be honest, all I remember about the movie is the following:
a) I was terribly embarrassed for Martin Sheen, who was, for some reason, in the movie
b) If I did not already have a deep disdain for John Leguizamo before, this movie sealed the deal
c) The FX were the sort of cheap CG one would usually see on Xena or other syndicated shows of the time.
d) I wanted to leave, but could not. Jamie had already decided to go hang out in the lobby, where she remained for the last 3rd of the movie, all the while I sat both despising the film and wondering when she'd come back so I could tell her we were leaving. A smarter person, she.

I've seen Spawn comics and the cartoon, and I admit, I don't get it. But aside from well rendered MacFarlane pencils, I don't know what I was ever supposed to get in the first place.

2. Judge Dredd
A cult-favorite in the US and, I understand, very popular in Mother england, this UK-based comic is about a utopian future in which "Judges" are police, judge, jury and executioner.

I'm not familiar with the comic to much of a degree, but I do know that it does not feature Rob "Makin' Copies" Schneider, or even David Spade.
The film was in trouble when Stallone decided this was his comeback vehicle, and hired some poor schlub out of nowhere to direct so he could basically dictate a great deal about the film, not actually have to direct, and not take ALL the blame if the movie tanked. Any relevance to the state of things in Thatcher's England that led to the Judge Dredd comic was missed entirely by the production, as we got, instead, to endure 2 hours of Stallone bellowing and moping.

I have no idea if it made money or not, but the movie received terrible critical review from everyone but my college-pal, Richard, who had seen it a day or two before and insisted I see this masterpiece right away.

The movie actually follows the Superman II/ Spidey 3 pattern of removing the costume for a big part of the movie and not letting them kick the crud out of thugs. Seeing someone lose their job or quit their job is NOT what people are generally paying to see at a super-hero movie. Especially the FIRST in a series.

The movie strips Judge Dredd of BEING Judge Dredd before the end of the first act.

Maybe the FX were okay. I have no idea. All I remember is being deeply unhappy walking out of the theater.


3. Batman and Robin
Tim Burton had abandoned the Bat-flicks after making two movies about a guy ostensibly like Batman, and who lived in Gotham City, etc... but who was pretty clearly NOT Batman (Batman can turn his head).

"Lost Boys" director Joel Schumacher took over the franchise and proceeded to chuck any goodwill Burton had built up with his loving, if off-kilter treatment of the franchise. It was a bold move in circa 1987 when Burton got Batman to disregard the old Adam West show (which most people identified as defining superheroes). Apparently squarely in the "this is stupid" camp, Schumacher must have thought he was helping when he dismissed Batman's motivation as childish and felt Batman was and always should be high camp, or not exist at all. A Batman for the 90's!

"Batman Forever" was the crummy third installment, which doesn't hold up well these days at all. It introduced a 20-something Chris O'Donnell as "The Boy Wonder", Robin, foisted Jim Carrey in tights upon us, and made an ass out of Tommy Lee Jones, who may have now seen Dark Knight and still be unaware he was playing Aaron Eckhardt's character.

"Batman and Robin" decided to expand the franchise and, developed in the late-90's "star power" era, added Alicia "I can't read" Silverstone as Barbara Gordon, the daughter of Commissioner Gordon-- no, she was suddenly Alfred's niece for some reason. Silverstone generally looks and delivers lines as if marginally lobotomized, but apparently enough people liked her rack in that Aerosmith video that we were supposed to think she was a super addition to the franchise.

Look, in the 1990's, I had it in for Silverstone. She kept getting work when she was clearly not talented, and I still find "Clueless" a vapid and stupid exercise from which I think you can trace a direct line from there to The #$%^ing Hills.

There was also the unfortunate casting of George Clooney, who gets ribbing for being in this movie, but... seriously...? Clooney? The guy just stands there and grins like a geek and tries to deliver the dilaog as if any of it (and of it at all) makes a lick of sense.

And in comparison to his cast-mates...

Uma Thurman demonstrated her inability to vamp, deliver a line or be sexy as villainess, Poison Ivy. Thurman CLEARLY believed she was in an Adam West episode, and may not have been wrong. But it doesn't mean she was as good as Vincent price as Egg Head.

The newest Bat-villain, Bane, supposedly the Dark Knight's equal in the comics, was reduced to a mindless drone in his screen debut. And, of course, Arnold Schwarzenegger was given bot the role of Mr. Freeze, and an endless stream of quips and one-liners about ice. Most of which make no sense.

Luckily, the movie was both a financial bomb and the closest thing you can get to Hiroshima as far as critical reviews go. Its failure triggered the Bat-movie reboots under Chris Nolan.

Oddly, the movie is so mind-numbingly awful, I can't help but watch it when it comes on cable. From the "Gotham is a Fabulous Disco" set design, to the bat nipples, to the awful one liners, to the plot which makes just absolutely no sense, to the frequent toyetic costume changes and the endless amounts of money obviously poured into this trainwreck.

It is schadenfreude at its sweetest.

4) The Fantastic Four Movies

Did Fox want me to hate the FF?
A typical case of "the studio knows better what will work, rather than 40 years of success in your comic", the FF movie went deeply off the rails well before production began.

Oddly, these two train wrecks are movies one hears occasionally defended, and I can never imagine wanting to be the one whose critical thinking skills have failed them so completely, that somehow either FF film seems like a good idea.

The first failure was probably in hiring director Tim Story, who had done light comedies with Jimmy Fallon before taking on Marvel's second most precious comics commodity. Clearly, Story was much more into the idea of what sort of sight gags he could cook up around the FF's powers and physical irregularities than pounding out a solid story or paying any attention to what had made things work for 40 years. Ha ha... Invisible Girl has to get naked... Oh, good times.

Sure, both are kids movies, and the FF SHOULD be family friendly. But the FF comics have been kid and family friendly for decades without requiring the sound of a trombone coming in with a "wah-wah-waaaaaaah".

They managed to miscast, neuter and dethrone Doctor Doom. Not to mention change his background, abilities, motivation, etc... To absolutely no end.

FF2 is, amazingly, worse than FF1. At least FF1 had the charm inherent in the super-hero origin story. FF2 introduced the Silver Surfer, had the most obvious and embarrassing bachelor party scene of all time, needlessly employed Doom, and failed to give anyone in the FF anything to actually do except for stand around and stare at the Silver Surfer. Seriously, they don't actually DO anything in the entire movie but watch the other characters.

And, for comic geeks, the decision that Galactus was not a character, but a big, purple cloud... pretty lame, studio. Way to forget there's a whole act wherein the FF could have actually DONE something.

Word is that the cast figured out the studio wasn't too keen on the sequel when they hadn't already heard about a sequel within three weeks of the film's premier.

Possibly the most maddening thing is that FF1 came out so close to Pixar's "The Incredibles", a movie which demonstrated the spirit of what a family-centric superhero movie can be. It's a franchise I'd love to see get a second chance.

5) Superman IV: The Quest for Peace
The first Superman film had fantasy, magic and wonder going for it, as well as strong performances, an astronomical budget and a director who didn't think he was on the set of "Three's Company".

Sadly, Superman IV lacked all of these items, but did give us a "Jon Cryser is: Hiding Out"-era Jon Cryer, Mariel Hemingway and Mark Pillow as Nuclear Man.

The frustrating thing about the movie is that you can see that at one point, it was an ambitious script, but something happened along the way, and they made the movie they could with the money they had, and the lack of talent, etc... associated. While its easy to shrug off the premise of Superman trying to remove the world's nukes as stupid, its also the most immediate logical question to bring up about a nigh-unstoppable god-man who is supposedly here to protect us. Why wouldn't he make a pre-emptive move on everyone on Earth to keep us from atomizing ourselves?

Obviously a complicated question, but rather than just answer it, the movie goes off the rails, cloning Superman into this guy.



Nuclear Man's weakness... he loses his power if he's not in direct sunlight. IE: his greatest fear is a good shade tree.

The FX in the movie are sub-par in comparison to the earlier installments, poor Margot Kidder is looking like somebody's mom who doesn't want to be there (but is back after the contract dispute that led to all the Lana stuff in Superman III), and has to endure a scene in which she double-dates Superman and Clark with Mariel Hemingway. realizing you are going to see what you think you're about to see gives you that same feeling you used to get when you realized you hadn't studied for a test or that you forgot to file your taxes on time.

Jon Cryer attempts to channel, I guess, some surfer-dude character or something. I don't know if that was funny when the movie was released, but it just sort of makes one sad now. Sort of like when you accidentally watch Power Rangers.

And, God bless Chris Reeve, because the man is still Superman despite the various obastacles of budget, directing (the only other recognizable film in the director's repertoire are the Iron Eagle movies and the Rodney Dangerfield opus, "Ladybugs"), possibly drug-addled co-stars, and who knows what else.

I could have NOT included the movie but (a) its a failure that ended a franchise and did damage to a genre, (b) its sort of joyless and kind of unwatchable.

But, again, its seeing the big ideas that Superman could and should be addressing, and seeing the numb-skull-edry that overtakes those ideas and crams them into the mold of a standard "I must fight my equal" punchout scene.

Superman III also has its flaws, but... honestly, this film is somehow even more disappointing. People have just seen it less.

Honorable Mention

Superman III. Aside from Annette O'Toole, who has twice graced the Superman franchise with her foxiness, the movie is a mess. But it is also the driver for re-shaping Luthor as a corporate tycoon as seen in the comics from 1986 - 2006. And, sorry, I actually like the Clark v. Evil Superman fight. As a kid, i remember having a sort of revelatory, deep-gut reaction to that sequence. Plus, it features DRUNK, ANGRY SUPERMAN. And that is awesome.

The Phantom. Slam Evil! said the poster. But this low-budget picture was more about slamming me with cliches and an oddly-cast Treat Williams. Sadly, what I mostly remember about the film is Kristy Swanson in tan adventure pants. Everything else is a blur.

I do recall being very excited that this very pulpy looking movie was coming out, and then THAT is what they did with it. Hey, I LIKE Rocketeer and The Shadow. No, really. I own them on DVD. So I don't know what happened here.

The Punisher - Dolph Lundgren and Thomas Jane. Both are bad, but Lundgren's Punisher is epically bad. And I say that as someone who used to pay to see Steven Segal movies in the theater. It oddly features a lot of Louis Gosset Jr., Italian-American stereotypes, the Yakuza, bad lighting and Dolph Lundgren acting as if he's on qualudes for 90 minutes. Thomas Jane's version missed the whole part about not being real specific about which mobsters the Punisher was taking on and re-located everyone to some resort town the Florida Keys or something. Its hard to believe anyone would be that upset when everyone looks like they should be enjoying a drink with a little umbrella in it.

Captain America - the Tv movies and the 1990ish feature The 70's TV movies of Cap needlessly rewrite Cap's origin and sort of make him a walking gun for the cops. They're just... sort of half-assed, but do feature Cap as a van-owner. and that I can get behind. The 1990's movie gets the WWII and freezing bits right, but gets literally every other detail wrong, including the choreography of the action, any pacing whatsoever, and not casting Ned Beatty as a central figure to the movie. It all looks like the budget was probably roughly what I was making that year in the allowance dollars given to me by the folks.

GhostRider. I don't know if you could have made a compelling movie out of this comic franchise to begin with, but its tough to imagine me wanting to sit through that movie less than I wanted to finish watching this one.

Catwoman. Oh, God. Well, this is actually probably worse than anything above, but I'm not looking back now. I also didn't finish watching it. What you can say is that it created a job for someone at Warner Bros. whose responsibility it is not to accidentally damage anymore DC franchise items the way we saw with Catwoman. (Why do you think marvel is producing its own movies now?)

Elektra. It was like they sorta skimmed the Elektra comics, and decided that was too interesting, so they should go a different direction and make a sort of poorly paced and awkward movie. Couldn't finish this one, either.

Daredevil. Well, its unlikely anyone was really going to capture Frank Miller in his prime quite right for a movie, and sure enough... they failed. So, so many places where this didn't need to be as bad as it was. One day I really hope they try again with Daredevil because he should be a very movie or TV ready character. Just... not like that.



What I have not seen:

The Spirit (most recent or 1980's TV version)
TV movie of Dr. Strange
TV movie of Spider-Man from the 1970's
Corman's Fantastic Four

What I have seen:
SuperPup, which, to view it is to know madness...

Wolverine Goes to College

The University of North Texas website today. That's Wolverine and, I think, Penance (formerly "Speedball" of the New Warriors).

I seriously thought I had clicked on the wrong link for a full five seconds and newsarama or someone had changed their look...

Burger King + Star Trek = Maaaaaagic

The nacho comes to Wales via Achewood.

Best Comic Superhero Movies of All Time

So in the comments on my post about Wolverine, Jason challenged me to name the best and worst superhero movies of all time. I think, wisely, Jason suggested I stick to
superhero movies that were actually adapted from comics or graphic novels.

Like any genre or sub-genre of film, there's a few shining stars, there's several in the mid-range, and then some movies that are epic in their failure to execute and/ or entertain. Those films often gain legendary status among geeks, as (in)famous as their more successful counterparts. But, of course, they enjoy the word-of-mouth "you haven't seen it? Oh. My. God." status.

The problem with superhero movies (much like sci-fi) is that there seem to be a far greater number of movies that hit the ultra-bad status rather than the very good.

So what did I pick?

How about this? Here's my top five in no particular order.

1) Superman: The Movie
Sure, its Metropolis scenes are hopelessly mired in the ill-conceived fashions of the 1970's, and the whole "Can you read my mind?" sequence is a test of anyone's patience/ sanity... But it also tells a deeply complete story on a scale that's still difficult to match. I still find the characters and motivations of everyone but Otis (read: RHPT) to be truly thought out from a writer's perspective. Cliche they may be these days, but lest we forget: Superman originated a lot of those cliches, so credit where credit is due.

Its hard to believe Reeve is in his early 20's (about the same age as Routh, who was often criticized as "too young") as he managed to define the character of Superman for a generation. Throw in Kidder's "tough city reporter", the essence of Lois Lane, and Hackman as a daffier-than-expected Lex, and it adds up to the capstone on a great cast.

Its also got one of the most memorable scores in all of filmdom, fantastic cinematography, amazing practical effects and manages to tell an amazing, epic story. Something almost no other superhero movie has managed to pull off.

And I know you think Superman II is better, but its far campier and goofier than what you remember. I assure you.

2) Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2
Spidey swung in on a web and saved the superhero movie for the 21st Century. When we'd come to expect dreck (more on that later), Sam Raimi's love of the wall-crawler in both the first and second installments hit pitch perfect with the audience and recreated the superhero film by actually paying attention to the original source material instead of dismissing it as kiddie-garbage.

Raimi, unlike Burton and his Batman, "got" Spidey in all the ways that mattered, and understood what had made the original source material work. Rather than slavishly try to hit all the beats, he distilled down why we love made the damn best two hours of a Spidey movie anyone could ask for.

Sadly, Spidey 3 was a terrific mess and a disappointment.

But Spidey 1, especially, is a hell of a lot of fun. Who didn't want to web-swing after that movie?

3) The Dark Knight
I grew up as a huge fan of the Burton films, but they never felt exactly like the comics I was reading when I'd head home from the store with Detective or Batman comics in my hand. The Dark Knight built on the based-in-comics foundation of the Goyer-assisted Batman Begins (which was great, but could have used more Year One), and sets Batman firmly in a world much more like our own. And then drags the audience along, like someone tied to a galloping horse for about two hours.

In many ways, the Batman comics WISH they were as we well put together as Dark Knight, and I don't think any writer since Morrion did "Arkham Asylum" or Moore and Bolland finished The Killing Joke has managed to make the Joker so completely frightening or menacing in a way that seems all too possible.

Sure, I've failed to do a Maggie Gyllenhaal "DITMTLOD" post, but the replacement of Katie Holmes as Dawes is not what makes me love the movie. Its just a rock-solid film from start to finish with clearly defined characters struggling in a world where morality is punished.

Also, the score is nothing to listen to for relaxation, but its a huge part of the environment of the movie.

4) Iron Man
It's a recent entry, and so I'm reluctant to place it so high in the rankings, but Iron Man is a great story of circumstance creating a hero from the complacent.

Its tough to imagine anyone but Downey in the role these days (Tom Cruise actually had the role locked up for a few years until the rights expired).

Had Iron Man not been overshadowed by Dark Knight's insistence on refining the genre, it would be the movie we'd all still be talking about (I am. I have it on Blu-Ray. Thanks, Jason!).

The movie was probably mostly there in the script, but its not too difficult to imagine how it could have gone wrong. Humorless. Forcing in the alcoholism angle of the 1980's too early. Too many one-liners. Someone deciding it was a kids movie, and could we lighten up the middle-eastern portion... So many ways it could have been nothing but, literally an empty suit of a movie. But Favreau and Downey found some perfect pitch to hit. Sure, its spirals into the same mad scientist/ my evil twin-ness of several other superhero movies, but its a great ride getting there.

Plus, I liked Gwyneth Paltrow again. Who knew?

If Dark Knight made me want to lay down for a while afterward, Iron Man made me want to stand up and cheer.

5) Justice League Unlimited
is not a movie. But it's available on Netflix, and is the best representation of the JLA I've seen. And that includes Morrison's JLA, to which I have a slavish devotion (Rock of Ages? Best. JLA. Story. Ever.).

It doesn't hurt to watch the preceding two seaons or so of the series "Justice League", or all the various seasons of Batman or Superman (also available via Netflix). But JLU's two seasons were a high point in American televised animation.

Brilliantly voice-acted, well-animated, and with a team of peopel scripting the thing at a level not seen on most prime-time shows (aside from, maybe, Lost or something...), JLU encapsulated everything there is to love about the DCU. Big stories with small, personal moments. A wide cast of characters fighting for the common good, questions of power and responsibility... all that stuff. Plus a wild array of villains and villainous plots, grounded by well defined characters on both sides of the good/ evil dichotomy.

Plus, Amanda Waller.

Its a great run on a great series. Never embarasrsed about being a show about superheroes, and never feeling that because its a show about folks in capes that it should be anything less than the best show they could make it.

If not for the greed of Cartoon Network officials (unhappy the toy money was going to DC and not to them), we would have had another few seasons. But I'll take what i can get.

And if you don't find anything cinematic in the season endings to either season, the Amazo episodes of JLU, the Dark Heart episode, etc... well, more's the pity. I love that they can do this on the comic page, and I love it that Timm, McDuffie and Co. brought me such imaginative work over so many episodes.

But I also don't mind their straight-to-DVD features. All of which have been worth picking up, in my opinion.


Honorable Mentions:

Obviously X-Men and X2 are great movies. Simply terrific at condensing down the expansive X-Universe. But the first film's ending is kind of goofy, and I'm not sure the second film's ending pays off the set-up of the film on the scale I would have preferred.

I actually like both of the recent Hulk movies for different reasons, and would gladly pay to see a sequel to the Edward Norton-starring Hulk. I really don't know what else you're going to do with the Hulk, so it worked for me.

Superman II and Superman Returns certainly get an honorable mention.

Hellboy 1 (but, sadly, not Hellboy 2).

I still like the short-lived Flash TV series, Seasons 1-3 of Smallville, and Wonder Woman.

FCBD Vid from Austin Books

Here's a video shot about the same time as we were at FCBD at Austin Books.



You can hear Jason laugh at the Defuser's joke at one point (when he tells the Statesman guy he smells of evil, I believe), but we don't show up on camera.

Shame they didn't use the video of a whole family who showed up for the event, led by Mom the Comic Geek. Brandon is the guy who tells you how little your comics are actually worth when you try to sell them to Austin Books.

Anyway, its also a peek inside Austin Books as it is now.

X-Men Origins Colon Wolverine Colon Isn't Very Colon Good

Surprise, right?

Long, long ago, I got into superhero comics in no small part because of Claremont's "Uncanny X-Men", a team book which was, as is now well known, all about mutants and the prejudice they faced on the streets of New York. The first issue I recall reading was issue 210. It would be a year or so later before I would discover back-issues and be able to find out what led up to that issue, but the clear social message, which reflected very much what I was taught at home, in theory at school, at church, etc... matched up pretty darn well with the "Mutants are People, Too!" message of the issue.

No fights in the comic, but the X-Men regrouping after a big fight (almost unheard of for such continuity in comics today), and Kitty Pryde and Colossus having a run in with some anti-mutant bigots, while Rogue's heroism won over some tough guy New York construction guys.

Wolverine stabbed nobody.

At that time, Wolverine had been through quite a bit. His past was shrouded in mystery to both he, the X-Men and the reader. He had already had some adventures in Japan, and so by the time I reached the character, he had studied to become a samurai (not a ninja), and had a fallen-out romance with a woman of Japanese nobility.

Still, he was a gruff, stocky, hairy guy prone to drinking cases of beer, smoking cigars, and using what passed for profanity under the Comics Code Authority (he said "blazes" a lot, in place of "hell" or "damn"). He came across as Kitty Pryde's tough uncle, who was all bluster. For goodness sake, he occasionally hung out with Power Pack.

Wolverine had had a successful 4-issue mini-series in 1982, but never starred in his own title. He was a utility player that I think, wisely, Marvel knew was popular, but feared over exposure and the audience's realization that the character might not be much more than the word "Bub" and a set of claws.

At some point, the letters coming in and successful solo stories in Marvel Presents convinced Marvel that they should try a Wolverine solo-series. I wasn't convinced Wolverine needed a solo series. I preferred him as a member of the X-Men, but I think I started trying to pick up the series to go along with X-Men around issue 3 or 4 when I realized that Wolverine in his own series might just be the way of the world. Part of this (and this will stun younger readers) was that back then, if a character had a solo mini-series, they would actually demonstrate this in continuity by removing the character from their usual book for the duration. That's how seriously fans and the editors took continuity and would try not to put the same hero in two places at once. Ie: a successful Wolverine series should mean that Wolverine might not be in the X-Men anymore.

I didn't care for the series.

I don't know who was writing, but I'll guess it was Claremont. There was a lot of business about some stand-in island for Singapore called Madripoor, and a ridiculous secret ID for Wolverine in which he wore an eye-patch (like a pirate) and called himself "Patch".

Some character can take glomming on to certain parts of their past, and others... not so much. The Madripoor stuff opened the gate to pretty much any cockamamie notion anyone wanted to throw at Wolverine (who was ageless due to his "healing factor"), becoming a part of his background, whether it was a good idea or not.

Meanwhile, in the wake of Watchmen, Dark Knight Returns, etc... and an increasing wave of acceptance of rougher material in comics, it became the comic language du jour to come up with a berserker character who was at least potentially deadly, and dub that character the "Wolverine of the group" for team books, in everything from X-Factor to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

I don't know exactly when or why I quit reading Uncanny X-Men, but I threw in the towel on Wolverine's solo title almost immediately, years before I gave up on X-Men. And at some point, something about Wolverine as a "superhero" didn't really work for me. Under Morrison, the X-Men would abandon any premise of being a comic about "superheroes", but aside from that, I just wasn't too keen on a superhero (a) stabbed people as his primary function, and (b) killed lots and lots of people. None of that sounded much like a "hero" to me. Add in what became what continues as some serious over-exposure, and I mostly lost interest in Wolverine.

The casting of Hugh Jackman as Wolverine was an accident, originally. Dougray Scott went for the surefire hit of Mission Impossible: II, featuring John Woo as a director and Tom Cruise as a co-star, bowing out of this silly little superhero movie nobody would go see. I recall seeing the first pictures of this Jackman fellow and being confused.

He was tall, lanky, and handsome. The opposite of how I pictured the guy. Fortunately, both director Bryan Singer and Jackman were on the same page with the comic version in personality (he's gruff and rough around the edges, but he's got a noble warrior's heart). And I never complained.

Wolverine was already overshadowing the rest of the X-Men (my personal favorites as a kid were Colossus, Rogue and Cyclops, and Psylocke until they made her into a ninja). Today's Marvel comics have become so Wolvie-centric that, I am not making this up, this month Wolverine is on the cover of almost every Marvel comic, whether he appears in the comic or not. The character has a rabid fan base as deep and loyal as Spidey, Superman and Batman.

And I know virtually nothing about the character as he's been presented since about 1995. I did read the "Origin" limited series in 2001 or so, which is covered in its entirety by a sequence which occurs before the credits roll in "X-Men Origins: Wolverine". It was written specifically so that the studios wouldn't just make up an origin without any input from Marvel, and it works well enough. But everything I've heard over the past ten years leads me to believe that Marvel really doesn't have a "good idea/ bad idea" policy for Wolverine's past, anyway, and that much of it seems to pop out of what I'd suggest sounds, from the outside, like bad fan-fiction (he now has a son named "Daken" or some such, who has tattoos and whatnot.).

I wasn't particularly enamored by the mini of "Origin", even if I felt the basic idea was solid. But since then, there have been numerous Wolverine origin series. And the movie is based on a lot of comics I never read and don't know much about.

The basic problem with "Wolverine" is that it feels a bit like a 90's action movie in that there's a lot of attention to superheroics, improbably stunts, etc... and absolutely no attention paid to whether the story makes sense. Unlike Transformers, which seemed to hold both the property of Transformers and the audience in disdain as not worth bothering to put together a respectable movie, Wolverine feels much more like everyone but Hugh Jackman and Liev Schreiber (as Victor Creed) are out of their depth, including screenwriters, director, 3D specialists and whomever had to cut the darn thing together.

It's a movie where several times the characters mournfully shout their anger to the sky, and the camera pulls back to an aerial shot (this shot should have been retired when Rainier Wolfcastle first shouted "Mendoooozzaaaaaa!) and dying people say things like "I'm so cold...". Especially in the last forty minutes or so, people seem to just be doing stuff because it moves the plot forward, not because it makes sense (why, on God's green Earth did gambit attack Sabretooth and Wolverine at that moment? and why didn't Wolverine pursue Sabretooth?).

Nothing about Stryker's plan makes any sense, aside from his end goal. The secret base in the Canadian Rockies from X2 and X3 is in the movie, but why its there, and why they use that, and what the hell Stryker bothers to imbue Wolverine's skeleton with adamantium doesn't, honestly, make much sense. Nor does the final explanation of Wolvie's memory loss. One gets the feeling all of this did make sense but... Wolverine was plagued with re-shoots.

While I am glad they didn't bother with the Madripoor stuff or try to tackle Wolverine's years in Japan, as that would have extended the movie (with five endings or so already) even further, the story they do tell is sort of... just not all that interesting. Oddly, like Watchmen, what seems far more interesting as a movie than what unfolds on screen is the stuff in the opening credits. Jason and I agreed that all THAT seemed far more interesting than the paint-by-numbers plot of the movie.

And, seriously, how many "women in refrigerators" does Logan have under his belt at this point?

The writers were aiming for fanboy acceptance, and try to cram 10 pounds of mutants into a five pound bag. Characters come and go, and its hard to care about any of them. Any thrill fans of the X-books might have been getting from seeing, say, Gambit flit briefly across the screen, was lost in the morass of 20 other mutants, many of whom I suspect debuted well after I quit the X-books.

The special FX are mostly OK. There are a few scenes in which, oddly, Wolverine's claws don't look quite right, which I found mind-boggling. How do you mess up solid metal in CG? But it just didn't look quite right. And, occasionally, when Sabretooth is hopping about, it looks a little wonky.

Nobody is all that bad in delivering the clunky lines they've got. Jackman, typically, throws himself into the Wolverine role, and there's no doubt that the replacement of Tyler Mane as Sabretooth (as seen in X-Men 1) was a very good idea.

The movie has some neat action sequences, but that's pretty much what you'd expect. If that's all you're looking for, you should do well, I suppose. But that's mostly what the movie hangs on rather than stuff like plot or character.

And, no, after 40 years of Wolverine in comics and the past few years of comic movies, I don't think fans of the material should lower their sites just because someone deigned to see fit to make a movie about their favorite character.

I'll be the first to say that Wolverine is taking 21st Century superheroics from the comic to the big screen. He's a character more fit for modern movie tastes than Superman or even Batman, in many ways. With any luck, a second Wolverine movie will take things up a notch and not be the narrative mess of this film.

But I'd probably still prefer just getting an X-Men movie over another installment in the solo missions of someone who is much more interesting as the wild-card on a team of straight arrows.

Fun at FCBD and Showering the Baby

Yesterday was action packed until about 5:30 or so.

We picked up Jason before 11:00 and headed down for Free Comic Book Day at Austin Books. This year they'd set a tent up outside the shop to sort of artificially create a lot more square footage and keep the aisles in the store open and free from the line of people who could have made it tough to walk around and browse the store.

We stood in line for a short while, and it sort of had the same spirit of camaraderie that I've seen at opening night for sci-fi movies, etc... Jason and I wound up chatting with a really nice guy about everything from The Flash to Star Trek (Jamie went inside for air conditioning after a few minutes in line).

There was this guy hanging outside in a cape and goggles, whose get-up I immediately admired. He even had a teen-age side-kick with him, and went by the name "Lord Vile". I admired Lord Vile's wardrobe, as well as his snarkiness. If you're going to be a villain, you might as well have banter, says I.

I picked up some interesting stuff. Love and Rockets. Blackest Night. Love and Capes. Bongo Comics. Stuff like that. And I did grab Peabo's copy of the "Cars" comic.

Also picked up my most recent two week's worth of titles and the 4th volume of "Queen and Country".

Inside Jason and I queued up to meet "The Defuser", Austin's own superhero and winner of Season 2 of Stan Lee's "Who Wants to be a Superhero?".

The Defuser is a local Austin police detective (no, really!), who is using his alter-ego to raise money for "SCARE for a Cure", a cancer awareness charity. I picked up a signed copy of his comic from Dark Horse, and a signed picture, which I will find a home for in The Fortress of Ineptitude (as Jason suggested I call my office).

I have to admire The Defuser. The man is already a police officer, which is reason enough to think a guy is doing something with himself, but he spends his weekends dressed as a superhero raising funds of cancer charities. Say what you will about dudes in tights, but when you can do a little good with what you have on hand, that's something I can support.

There was also a group of guys who showed up as Cyclops, Professor X and Banshee (and someone else, but I forget who).

I was digging through back-issues of Action Comics and overheard the Statesman reporters who were there talking to each other about how exciting all of this was, but they weren't really sure why, or even what was really going on. Neither had any familiarity with comics, and I heard them trying to decipher why people were into comics.

I do think that one of them sort of hit the nail on the head in realizing its a storytelling medium that's visual and readily accessible. She was also pretty clear that it wasn't all Superman and X-Men, as she mentioned Archie, etc... so I hope they picked something up to look at before leaving.

Never saw the story show up, though...

In the afternoon, Jamie and I attended a babyshower for League Pal's Letty and Juan (and, one would assume, the baby-to-be). I had never been to a baby shower, and I actually breached Baby Shower protocol at least twice (I grabbed a champagne glass for lemonade and wandered off before a champagne toast), and probably did several other things wrong.

But it was good to get together with Letty and Juan and wish them well as the baby is coming.

I think rightfully so, they've sort of passed the "oh, we've got a baby coming!" point in the pregnancy and are headed toward figuring out logistics, etc... around having a child.

The event was held at author Stephanie Klein's home. I admit, I have not read Klein's work, and don't really know much about her, but she and her husband were extremely gracious. It was nice of them to have all of us hanging about and trashing their place. I have no idea how Letty and Juan know Stephanie or her husband, so don't ask.

On top of that, we didn't get too wound up to do much else.

Supposed to see Wolverine today. I suppose I shall report out.

GI Joe Trailer is Go

So, I am not actually excited about the upcoming GI Joe movie, other than seeing The Baroness as something other than a cartoon animated at 8 frames per second.

G.I. JOE trailer in HD


Calvin of Calvin's Canadian Cave of Cool is pumped, but I look at this and I see.... Transformers. Big, expensive set pieces, when nobody did the obvious thing and tried to decide if what they were doing (a) was actually reflective of the source, and (b) whether it was stupid or not in the first place, and whether they'd made it somehow stupider.

I don't know. I look at this trailer, and I'm just not sure I can make myself care about this kind of stuff anymore. CG has meant an open gateway for me to think something will be good, but then find myself entirely disappointed. (see: Transformers. Which was stupid.)

Speaking of, here's the trailer for the Transformers sequel, which looks every bit as dumb as the first movie.

FREE COMICS: SATURDAY AT YOUR LOCAL COMIC SHOP

Hey, Leaguers!

Tomorrow is FREE COMIC BOOK DAY, the annual event which attempts to lure you into the nasty habit that is comic buying with the promise that the first one is free.

It was the second choice of the retailers association, but somehow "I'll give you a Spider-Man comic if you get in my van" didn't get the traction they were looking for.

Nonetheless, its a sort of festive, carnival-like event at many comic shops, and for those of you with kids, there is lots of free, kid-safe material.

I'll be at Austin Books in the morning (gotta go early, because we gots a baby shower to attend), so if you're not in Austin, I recommend looking up a shop in your area.

Click here for info and to search for a shop.

I am a genuine fan not just of superheroes or Superman or the genre of science-fiction or leotard-clad do-gooders. I'm a fan of the medium.

Here are some books you can look for that may not be free, but that might be worth reading.

Queen and Country.
Now collected into 4 novel-sized-ish volumes, Greg Rucka's UK-based espionage series is brutally smart, relevant, and full of all manner of internal and international intrigue... I didn't read the series until they collected it in these compact volumes, but its quickly become one of my favorite comics.

In the Shadow of No Towers.
You were either with Art Spiegelman on Maus or you weren't. Spiegelman tells his first-person account of being a New Yorker in the days, weeks, etc... after 9/11. Beautifully rendered, whether youa gree with Spiegelman's politics or not, there's little denying that his mastery of the form, a la the styling of Winsor McCay and other predecessors.

Laika.
Tells the story of the little Russian dog first sent to space in Sputnik II.

Which I'd pair with:

First in Space.
The story of the first Chimp in orbit.

First Flight of the Phantom Eagle.
Marvel attempted the Vertigo War Stories approach under Warren Ellis and Howard Chaykin, and for some reason it wasn't a bigger seller. But I loved this comic. This book collects the series, of a young American joining the British Air Forces in World War I, and realizing that being a pilot may not really be the equivalent of the modern-day knight.

Tales Designed to Thrizzle.
I highly recommend this title. It is funny. And brought us the great concept of "Snake and Bacon".

Apocalypse Nerd.
Also strangely appealing. If you're into stories about IT guys and the fate which awaits them after N. Korea nukes the US.

The Great Outdoor Fight.
One of the greatest tales ever put to the comic medium.

and many, many more...!

Jon and Kate plus 8 plus "Mystery woman"

Oh, man. There is no way for me not to come off all judgy and jerk-like on this one, but its my theme of the week, so here goes.

Who called it just a few months ago?

Jon was, apparently, spotted with a "mystery woman" sans wedding band. Here and here.

I watch the TLC show "Jon and Kate Plus 8" religiously while blogging on Monday nights. It's masochistic, and I admit, I watch for all the wrong reasons. TLC either is unaware of, or knows and doesn't care, that its been documenting a show less about a couple struggling to raise 8 kids than it's been documenting a man's slow emotional evisceration. Its not a great reason to be hooked on a show, but hooked on it, I am.

And I wanted to be there when he cracked. And crack, he (apparently) finally did.


Jon and not Kate

Sure, Jon TOLD the crew on the last episode of the most recent season that he didn't want to do the show anymore, and he's taken to staring without blinking for entire episodes... And, possibly partying with co-eds. But Kate loves doing the show, loves being famous for being herself, loves being told she's a great person, and loves having the platform for her celebrity and associated benefits/ money.

Jon will, of course, be vilified, and people will ask "how could he do it?"

I shall tell you!

1) Jon married a terrible harpy of a woman who takes pleasure in emasculating him at every opportunity. If you identify with Kate, I highly recommend standing up, walking to your spouse and apologizing. Because its possible you're a terrible, terrible person. Kate is.
2) He mistakenly gave birth to 8 children, 6 of them at the same time, all of whom communicate by screaming and crying every minute in which they are awake, if the show is any indication. As part of the show, he has to stay home all day with these kids he accidentally made with whatever fertility treatment Octomom must have used.
3) He hates being on the TV show, and being the object of constant, unwanted attention. He said so right on the show.
4) His income, needed to support the 8 screaming children and the horrible harpy lady, stems from being on the TV show. Whatever IT career he supposedly has is a shell of whatever it was.
5) The ratio of screaming kids and wife berating him at every turn versus anything resembling kindness or gratitude or anybody noting that he's involved in this, too, is about 100 to 1.
6) Ever see Jon with friends or family other than Kate? Think maybe there's something to all that?
7) Also, Kate is awful.
8) Jon is in a living hell of his own making. And I pity that man every day.

Does all of this pressure mean Jon is entitled to cheat on his wife and bring shame upon his children? I'll leave that for another person to determine. I know the "right" answer is to say "no, he shouldn't do that", but... have you watched that show? They're lucky that picking up co-eds is all he's doing and they can actually find him when they look for him.


Also, not Kate.

Here's a lesson to take home, Leaguers: if you treat the person you married with no ounce of love or respect (especially in public/ on TV), eventually, they are going to decide they don't respect you, either.

And if they don't respect you, and you have put them in a position where you're making their life a living hell? They won't really care about the consequences of their actions and how it reflects on either of you.

In February I said:

I look forward to the day when we all find out Jon fled on a very special episode of "Kate Plus 8 (minus Jon and his Income)".

Indeed, that day is already here.

I guess I'm sort of interested in the cult of personality Kate has built of people who think she's a good enough idea that they buy her books and whatnot. I assume many people raising young ones feel a certain kinship with Kate, especially those who may imagine themselves or relate to Kate's pithy comments at a husband who seemingly just doesn't get it.

There's a lesson here somewhere about fame, fertility drugs, etc... but there's also a lesson about two people who very publicly want different things and its led to one of them not caring about their marriage, and I'd question whether either of them care, but for different reasons. And why you shouldn't ever really want to be on TV.

A show about the joys of family has turned into sort of the opposite. And there are eight kids who are going to be able to buy the DVD set of the dissolution of their parents' marriage.

Also, that Matt Roloff dude on Little People, Big World? He totally got picked up for a DUI in 2007ish. Apparently it was his second.

Trek Showing

For Your Information:

This is a confirmation email from LAMAR
3 Matinee Tickets
For STAR TREK showing at Sun May 10, 2009 2:00p

Jamie, Jason and I will most likely be seeing Trek on Sunday, May 10th at 2:00 at Alamo South Lamar.

I have no idea what the movie will be like, but I'm going. You're welcome to join us there.

Here's a link.

Is the new Uhura more fabulous than the original formula? Only one way to know.


Original formula: still the best.

I would put babies in a corner (and run away)

So its not enough that Jamie and I don't have kids. Most of the folks we know either (a) don't have kids, (b) have kids but we weren't nearby during the earlier days/ birthing of kids, or (c) have not added us to the mix for their baby showers, etc... So I'm never around babies or people having babies.

Letty and Juan are due fairly soon, and as they're good pals who we see regularly, we're involved in a baby shower this weekend. Which... Jamie and I don't know anything about babies. I mean, I know they're small people with no bowel control and that people have created this whole fiction about the joys of a baby when the sleepness nights, added expenses and trips to the ER, etc... sort of seem to speak otherwise (Your Unkle League isn't here to mince words tonight), and that it usually means a major, major lifestyle change for the happy parents.


creeps me out...

But on a practical level... I don't know anything about babies. I don't think I'd ever been into a Babies 'R Us before this evening. I have no idea what the hell any of that stuff is in there. I literally have no idea what one of the items we bought for the baby is for, and there's a picture of it in use right there on the package. And that's more or less how I felt about 90% of the baby goods we looked at. I assume some of this stuff existed when I dropped into existence, but who knows?

Most of the stuff seems like its based around trying to make the leaking fluids and other bio-byproducts from your bundle of joy under control, which is a noble reason to own stuff, indeed. Its also priced very reasonably. Mostly because your kid is going to outgrow it or somehow destroy it before too long, I guess.

I did learn that Jamie and I would cross swords, were we to decorate a nursery. I mean, I know I'm right. Puppies are a better option than jungle animals, right? It is probably socially unacceptable to own a "puppy lamp" intended for a nursery. So, no, I did not buy it for myself. Even if it was adorable.

Anyway, kudos to you people who do the whole baby thing. It still totally freaks me out.

But I am very happy for Juan and Letty. They're a happily married couple, and I know they will raise a kick-ass kid. They really want to be parents, and I see no reason they won't do a phenomenal job. Should be a blast watching what they do, given a little mind to mold.

And I will enjoy sleeping through the night. Except when Jeff the Cat wakes me up like he did last night.

3000 Posts

yeah. Roughly 3000 posts. How messed up is that?

At this point, we should be 1-5 posts just over 3000 total. With drafts, etc... its tough to tell.

Rather than put myself in a mood by trying to be reflective, I sort of want to pop the cork on a bottle of the bubbly.

So here's Barbarian Sarah Palin attacking the Barbarian Commander in Chief. With an elephant.


From the upcoming series,( I am not making this up) "Barack the Barbarian".

Its this kind of stuff that keeps me going, Leaguers.

It's been absolutely fabulous thus far, and I guess, for good or ill, there's no real end in site.

Sometimes its tougher to find ways and reasons to post, sometimes its easier.


after a hard day at the office, The League ponders his next post.

So for those of you who bother to pop in any more, and especially to those of you who take part in the interactivities, etc..., I can't thank you enough. The sense of community and general palling around is incredible.

You guys are the best, and its no secret I wouldn't be doing this at all if it weren't for the e-mail, comments, etc... I do secretly really like keeping up with all of you, and my life is but a hollow shell when I do not hear from you.

I'd planned to do a post celebrating the Man of Steel for my 3000th, but I'm not going to do that tonight. But if it makes you feel better about the lack of lack of a Super-Post, I'll peel back the curtain a bit. I'm wearing a Superman T-shirt and Superman flannel pajama pants as I write this post. No, seriously.


The current unofficial emblem of League of Melbotis.

I also want to take the moment to remind you Leaguers of our pal, The League's own namesake: Melbotis.

Buddy, we love you and miss you so, so much.

9 Years

In case you missed Jamie's post (featuring a lovely photo from our wedding), Tuesday, April 28th, 2009 Marks our 9th Wedding Anniversary.

Between Doug and Kristen's impending nuptials and a co-worker of mine getting hitched up this summer, its difficult not to want to dole out wedding and relationship advice when you see you've been married for nine years and its going swimmingly.

I think we were lucky to have each had terrific role models for how a marriage can work, and family and friends who support us in our shenanigans.

But, really, what can you say about someone who works with you to make a good life, who is your best friend, your biggest supporter and who is the one person who doesn't think you're totally insane, even when she has to put up with you 365 days a year?

Leaguers, I tell you, the lady deserves a medal. I can barely put up with me, and I have to live with me roughly 18 hours a day.

I was going to give you a list of Jamie's finer qualities, but we'll bypass that. Let's just say she's the light of my life, she makes me a better person in the most sincere way I can mean it, and that every day is a welcome gift. All of this, i assure you, she will feed back to me sarcastically on Saturday when she's trying to wake me up and I'm grousing at her.

So... thanks, Jamie. Happy Anniversary.


Nobody rocks the @#$%ing Olive Garden the way Team Steans rocks the OG

6th and Lamar

This weekend I watched "Slacker", the circa 1990 movie from Richard Linklater that more or less made the Austin film scene.

From the opening scene, its clear its an Austin that many in the town today will have found plowed under and turned into condos. Even the opening shot, looking out the window of a bus headed north on I-35 at dawn passes the location of what was Robert Mueller Airport, where today we have tract housing, Best Buy and a sea of chain retail. I think the only thing still standing and the same today in the extended shot is the McDonald's at Capital Plaza.

As a movie and cultural artifact, Slacker is a curious item to watch. I've come to have more personal feelings on the thing than I usually associate with a movie. Its a time capsule from an era of my youth when I was coming of age. Its a time capsule from a period in Austin that most of the people I know in Austin don't recall, or weren't in town for yet. It may also be responsible for some of the image making of Austin, which has led to the flood of people into Austin, which, in turn, has greatly changed Austin. In some ways for the better, and in many ways...

There's a scene about thirty minutes into the movie where a guy is buying a newspaper (a USA Today, I think) and he's at the GM Steakhouse, and the horizon is flat. The high rises of the intersection aren't even imagined yet. Traffic on Lamar is moving fast headed south. There's an auto dealer, Charles Coffey Motors, I think, that had been there for decades.

Today, Les Amis is gone. That whole area has been bought by real estate developers and they put in a Smoothie King and a Panda Express.

The entire film is, in so many ways, the same rush of sense memory you get when you step into your parents' house after being away too long. Or, perhaps even more, when something smells exactly how your grandparents' basement smelled, a place you would have to dig deep to recall when was the last time you spent time there.

Sure enough, time goes by. The town has always been transitory to an extent, memories are short. And those places were houses and other things that people may have lived in before I was imprinting on them as record stores and cigarette shops. Time waits for nobody, but that doesn't mean, I think, you can't be nostalgic. Or that you can't feel a bit of melancholy that time has marched on, especially when you wonder how you suddenly got so old.

Intentional or unintentional, there's something to the young faces of the film living in the old, unpolished parts of the city. In houses left over from grander eras, walking past the burnt out and unused warehouses that once made up several blocks of Austin (and which, from what I've read, on that land may have been brothels and bars before the warehouses took up the space).

Seeing people as I remember them from that era, not as how they appeared on TV from studios, or how they looked in catalogs, or taking their fashion cues from either. Texas accents. All that. It makes it tough to separate nostalgia (and what was at the time, recongnition) from any objective viewing of the film.

The content of the film, is, of course, the 2:00 AM-over-a-beer academic discussions of the 20-something quasi or pseudo intellectual, that rarely appeal to or fit in with the hours available in a life once you've rolled into a job, paying taxes, etc... Even when or if you fundamentally still agree or find yourself arguing with 20-something you. Its distended out to two hours, and at times its a bit much, and at times you want to slap the characters, but its also still a bit like slowing down and listening as you walk across campus. Students will always be students, and Linklater was just out of school (or maybe still in?) when he was working on Slacker.

And that's not going to do a lot for a lot of people. And I appreciate that. Or, I guess, I am aware of that. And the undercurrent of anarchy that's romanticized will drive some nuts. But, as I said, its a time capsule. And its not indicative of many people's time in this town, even lifelong residents.

My favorite scene is still that of the old revolutionary/ anarchist who takes a liking to the young man pointing a gun at him. That's going to be Jason in 30 years, so help me.

Admittedly, at one point, I was fairly certain that was pretty much what I'd be doing in my mid-20's (I was about 15 or 16 when I saw the movie the first time), and had I not jumped in that taxi, who knows where I would have diverged and seen this life as a dream, right? One does not work towards a history and film degree because one's life's plans are centered around financial security, 2 kids and a house in the burbs. It wasn't so much an aspiration as much as what seemed like a likely trajectory when you really have no clue what you're going to do with yourself beyond your 21st birthday.

Anyhow, its a movie I find odd in what a gut, emotional reaction I have to it for reasons that aren't necessarily tied to the content, although that certainly plays a part (at least as echoes of old voices).

Since the movie was released, the term "slacker" was co-opted, most egregiously by the movie "Slackers", which was sort of a gross-out comedy of no redeeming value. Various websites, properties, etc... have tried to take on the term. But, whatever.

All part of it I suppose.


It's like getting a little closer to the rock goddess herself.

Wednesday Comics

When DC's 3rd weekly series, Trinity, ends in a few weeks, DC is trying a new format for a few weeks as a weekly series. They're calling it "Wednesday Comics", and I think this could be one of the most straight up fun comics to come out of either of the Big 2 in a while.

They're allowing top-flight talent to run rampant across the DCU in non-continuity stories (I think). It's being printed on big ol' newsprint sized pages, I think, so its a lot of comic per comic.

Paul Pope released some panels from his take on Silver-Age Sci-Fi hero (who really harkened back to 40's and 30's era sci-fi) Adam Strange.

I've not been a huge fan of Jim Starlin's take on the DC Cosmos (with the exception of "Mystery in Space"), but I think its because I wanted less Starlin and more of what Pope is doing here:


click to embiggen

There's going to be all-new Sgt. Rock, Karl Kerschl on Flash, Gaiman and Mike Allred on Metamorpho, etc...

Something for you kids to look for.

Pig Flu

Sigh.

I'm not going to say this right, and I'm going to be taken the wrong way, but here we go.

I am aware that the flu/ Spanish Influenza/ Swine Flu/ Avian Flu, etc.... are all very serious.

But before we start saying "pandemic" and "epidemic", we should keep this in mind.

According to NOAA's National Severe Storms Laboratory, something like 100 people die from lightning strikes each year in the US, and about 500 are injured.

There are roughly 300 million Americans.

While lightning does not travel like a virus, before we all believe we're doomed from pig flu, let's get a handle on the statistics. Or else I suggest we start treating lightning as an epidemic.

As of today, they found 40 non-fatal cases of the flu in the US. You are more likely to die from lightning as of today in the US than you might from Pig Flu.

That could change tomorrow, but the number of cycles being lost as everyone calms everyone else and explains basic hygiene is sort of nuts. And I sincerely hope we don't see a return of La Grippe. I'm just not sure we're there yet.

That is all.

Always and Forever

ANNOUNCEMENT: I'm sorry to report to all you ladies out there in Leaguer-Land that one Douglas Foster McBride is now off the market.

Doug is, of course, Jamie's brother (and has been for some time now). He's a fantastic person, and we're all very lucky he hasn't turned on a one of us yet.

Yes, this weekend Doug and his very special lady-friend, Kristen, decided to become engaged for marriage. Reportedly, Doug liked it, and, thusly, put a ring on it.

Our congratulations go out to the happy couple. We wish Kristen the best of luck with living with Doug for the rest of her life.

No details on the wedding yet, but we know those two crazy kids are just meant for each other. May they find all the wedded bliss Jamie and I have found.

So, congrats to Doug and Kristen, to the McBrides and Boney families. And to me, and my hopes for an open bar.

And because I know this is the sentiment Doug is feeling in his heart right now...



Watch Napoleon Dynamite - Kip song (always and forever) in Music | View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com


"Always and Forever"
(by Kipland Ronald Dynamite)

Why do you love me?
Why do you need me?
Always and forever

We met in a chat room
Where love can fully bloom
Sure the World Wide Web is great
But you, you make me "salvavate"

Yes I love technology
But not as much as you, you see
But I still love technology
Always and forever

Our love is like a flock of doves
Flying up to heav'n above
Always and forever
Always and forever

Yes, your love is truly great
Always and forever

Why do you need me?
Why do you love me?

Now I can get drunk like a Russian at breakfast

Bakon Vodka.

It's, apparently, bacon-flavored vodka. As if someone reached into my brain and said "what sort of evil scheme can we concoct to get this near-tee-totaler to drink? Oh. My. Weird and sad."




But there it is. Bakon Vodka.

tip o' the hat to Calvin's Canadian Cave of Cool.

Very quick Friday night post

The Admiral sent me these pics. They were associated with a made-up story about the plane as a failed Soviet experiment in a giant K-7. If you look at the pics closely, its somebody's 3D modeling project. Blow them up to full size for detail, and its sort of video-game-style 3D. So I don't know if someone was playing a prank or if they were just generating a story to go with their idea.

Still, its a cool concept for a model. Just neat stuff.

I Saw Astronauts

So, yesterday League-Pal Julia P. alerted me that her sister, who is a student worker at UT, had landed passes to an amazing event on campus. And, apparently, Rachel's friends are a bunch of dorks with no sense off history or the American Spirit, because they passed up a chance to see three living legends.

This evening I joined Julia, Rachel, Shoemaker and a few hundred other folks to see a panel/ reunion of the Apollo 8 Mission members of Frank Borman, Jim Lovell and Bill Anders.

If you don't know who those guys are, well, you should probably watch more TV or whatever the hell I did to know who they were (I do read, occasionally, but let's be real).

LBJ's daughter, Lynda Johnson Robb, opened, and was hilarious. Must be nice to be a Robb and LBJ's daughter, but, anyway, it was terribly sweet.

Moderated by Jim Hartz, the panel more or less took Apollo 8 from start to finish, and gave Anders, Borman and Lovell an opportunity to share some great stories from the mission. And, of course, to describe what it must have been to have been to be the first people to see Earth from beyond orbit, one of the defining moments in human history.


The first Earthrise photo, as snapped by the Apollo 8 mission

It was interesting to hear the context in which these gentlemen described how they thought of the space race, just as much or more a true front in the Cold War and a way to defeat our ideological enemies, as much as building a monument to innovation and achievement.

Some of the Apollo ground crew was in attendance, including Chris Kraft, one of the mastermind of NASA Mission control. The astronauts were more than generous in giving credit where credit is due, and reminded the audience of the extraordinary work that went into putting the missions together.

Its a tough night to describe. We've all got a little hero-worship of these guys, and if you don't, you should. These are the ones, both astronaut and engineer, who achieved the unthinkable and created a new way of looking at the world and the place of our little blue marble against the cosmos. And while they speak knowingly of the weight of the mission, its unpracticed and honest when all of them described the how's and why's of being a part of the Apollo missions in straightforward terms.

I don't know if mankind's destiny is beyond this little backwater planet on the edge of an unremarkable galaxy, but I like to think of how America and even Russia put forth their greatest efforts by their best and brightest to achieve the unachievable. That a war could be fought by sending rockets to space rather than at one another, and that in doing so, return to our planet wiser, with greater knowledge and with new dreams for mankind.

Lynda Johnson Robb mentioned that her father sent copies of the Earth Rise photo to every single leader of a nation, not as a sign of Earth's might or technical superiority, but as a sign of our world as it is. A bright dot against the dark, and that's what we have in common.

Years ago someone sent this to me for The League of Melbotis Christmas Spectacular, and its largely why I know about the Apollo 8 Mission.

On Christmas Eve, 1968 the astronauts of Apollo 8 were in orbit around the moon, unsure if they would return safely to Earth, roughly 238,857 miles from Earth. Family. Safety.

Huh.

Should I be:

1) comforted to know there are fewer bullets available?
2) terrified that all the bullets are sold to people who would use them against me?
3) disappointed that Central Texas is also full of wingnuts that believe an Obama administration would mean the end times and who are stocking up, a la Timothy McVeigh?
4) angry with ammunition suppliers for failing to keep up with demand?
5) curious as to who owns the bullets?
6) joining Lou Dobbs in believing its all the Cartels?
7) buying my own weaponry and getting ready for my life to turn into "The Magnificent Seven?"
8) not surprised? This is Texas.
9) admitting its me who has all the bullets?
10) thinking bullets should cost $5 a piece if cigarettes are $7 a pack.

Li'l Leaguers: Free Comics on May 2

The annual Free Comic Book Day event is rolling into a comic shop near you!

Parents (and the League is now filled with 'em) will be happy to know that there are usually a lot of kid-friendly comics available on FCBD.

A list of available free comics

More info on Free Comic Book Day (including a tool to help you find free comics by zip code in the US)

This Year I see:

-Pixar's Cars
-Owly
-Sonic the Hedgehog
-Star Wars
-Archie
-Transformers
-DC Kids Mega Smapler (with Batman)
and more! (your mileage will vary)

I can recommend a few non-free comics for the kids, should you decide to spend some money and thank the nice people running FCBD at your local comic shop.

1) Marvel Adventures are skewed towards the young 'uns. They have several varieties, including Iron Man and Spidey, last I checked.
2) Super Friends features the JLA team, and is aimed at the early elementary school set.
3) Tiny Titans is an all-ages laugh riot. Great for kids and their parents. And anyone with a pulse and eyes.
4) Supergirl: Cosmic Adventures in the 8th Grade is a good one for slightly older kids.
5) Any of the Scrooge, Donald or Mickey books is worth looking at. There's a built in level fo quality to a lot of the Scrooge and Donald stuff, in my opinion. They're a little on the pricey side, so I suggest finding a collection that might save you a few bucks in the long haul.
6) Billy Batson and the Power of Shazam!
7) Any left over issues of Justice League Unlimited, Krypto the Super Dog, etc... marked "Johnny DC" are a safe bet.
8) Archie and Sabrina books are a perennial favorite


You big kids may also find something for free for many a taste (if not every taste)

-Bongo Comics is doing a Simpsons sampler
-Green Lantern
-Wolverine
-Love and Rockets
and...
-William Shatner Presents! (I have no idea what that means)

I'll be at Austin Books on FCBD. They're setting up a tent outside and having a give away and whatnot.

Leaguer Interactivity Day

Short on content, and I kind of want to pack it in early tonight.


1) What was your first car? And do you miss it?

2) Are you going on vacation this summer, and where?

3) Who is a dame (or dude) in the media that you once dug?

4) What was your favorite toy as a child, and do you know where it is now?

5) What movie do you believe is brilliant that you are aware is not well regarded by the public or critics? And do you publicly defend the movie or not? (I'm not referring so much to movies you find a guilty pleasure... more along the lines of "why doesn't everyone see the genius I see in this thing?)

6) Album?

7) Television show?

8) And if I must... book.


Wonder Woman v. Tank. Art by Alex Ross.

Music Post

So circa 1992, League-Pal Shauna C suggested I check out a band called "My Bloody Valentine". After I realized my tape deck wasn't busted and that was just what they sounded like, I became quite a fan of their album, "Loveless". It sort of fell in with other stuff I was listening to at the time, like "Lush" and "Curve". But, I thought a bit better.

I don't have many albums from back then that I still listen to. I'll listen to specific tracks, but end-to-end album listening is limited. But Loveless still gets a listen from time to time. In the end, I liked them a lot better than Lush or Curve or whatever.

So today I checked in on Facebook, and a former co-worker mentioned he was going to see MBV tonight. I had no idea they were in the US, let alone in Austin. And, of course, it was the first time I've had plans on a week night in, like, two years. Jason and I were going to see Spoon at The Scoot Inn. I like Spoon. I really do. And we never, ever go to shows any more (although we have two more booked in the next few weeks.)

I had somehow got it in my head that maybe MBV, who was touring Europe, would be here for ACL Fest if they were coming to Austin at all. So I quit checking their site for tour updates a while back.

In short, I missed the show. But I did see Spoon. Whom I also like. I'm still trying to work the karmic balance of all that out in my head.

Records

I am enjoying the new Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs. It's a lot closer to what I thought "Fever to Tell" was going to be, but then was sort of disappointed when it was not. I always like it when a band decides to do more of what they're good at.

Also finally got the new Heartless Bastards on my iPod, so that's tomorrow.

Have been listening to "Who Killed Amanda Palmer?" which sort of begs the question of how necessary the other half of "Dresden Dolls" really is, but sometimes you just want it to be a "Dresden Dolls" album, and other times you're glad it is not.

And I admit that I'm one of the people who is listening to Dan Deacon. I am going out on a limb here, but is Bromst (his latest) his attempt to be the Philip Glass of his genre? I prefer the new album to Spiderman of the Rings. Partially because I don't feel like I've been taking crazy pills if I listen to it for three songs in a row.

And Deacon played Emo's on Friday.

More Shows

I think were seeing Black Joe Louise & The Honeybears in a week or so, and then Jamie is joining us for TV on the Radio.


So

I guess I need to start reading the frikkin' Chronicle again.

So that's whats going on with me.

A Wagon Wheel!

Wilser Gets a Book Published

It seems a high school pal has written a book and it has been published. Congrats to Jeff Wilser and the publication of his book, "The Maxims of Manhood".

I'm going to go out on a limb here and point out that Jeff was a great guy in high school. Sure, a little mouthy and opinionated, but in an endearing kind of way. I sort of figured he'd become a politico or something, but he's a sort of writer-for-hire for several hip sources, from GQ to VH1. A little different from the debate club champ and lacrosse player who lived around the block.


I wonder if he knows whatever happened to Margaret?

How About a Wagon Wheel?

As kids, I think Jason and I mutually hated this smarmy little bastard.



For some reason, lately Jason and I find suggesting that if someone's hungry, they should have a Wagon Wheel, absolutely hilarious. The best part is that Jamie really doesn't find it funny at all.



That little blob of yellow in a hat haunted the Saturday morning cartoons for a few crucial years of my youth. I have no doubt that if it was on TV, I would have asked my Mom if I could have a Wagon Wheel. But I don't remember ever having one. I have to assume she said something along the lines of "No. You can't have cheese. Go find an apple." Just sitting and eating cheese was not something that The KareBear would have thought a particularly bright idea, especially with two kids who were growing so fast they would be happy sitting and eating a hunk of cheddar the size of a car battery.

Jason also pointed out that the little guy in the hat actually looks like a blob of cholesterol trying to find a home in your veins.

So go figure.

Movie Review

I forgot to mention I saw "State of Play" over the weekend. It's about what you'd expect.

I think I'll probably forget I ever saw it in about three months, but a decent flick.

They did show a trailer for "Public Enemies" about John Dillinger and starring Johnny Depp. That actually looked watchable, and from what reading I did on Dillinger a long time ago, and from shows I've watched on cable, I think there's probably a pretty good movie in there somewhere.

I'll be curious to see how we handle the story of a guy like Dillinger in our current economic situation.

Directed by Michael Mann, which means it will either be 4 hours long or end with a scene cut to the extended rendition of "In a Gadda da Vida" (Manhunter! Whoooo!).

Le French Fork atteint son premier anniversaire

Special congratulations to League-Pal Letty, who has just reached the crucial one-year mark with her French cooking blog, The French Fork.

Blog host Letty is a native of France who came to the States back when her now-husband, Juan G., was but a student worker, toiling beneath my steely foreman's gaze. I recall Juan telling me about his new French roommate, and he seemed quite fond of her. I was gone all of about two years, and they were getting married.

We returned from our Arizona sojourn and became pals with Letty as well as Juan G. I couldn't be happier for them as they look forward to welcoming a little Juan G. into the world in the next several weeks.

Anyhow, I am a fan of Letty as both person and blogger, and think you should be reading her blog not just for the recipes, but for her stories, her takes on French culture versus American (or at least Central Texan) culture, and a whole host of other reasons.

And it should be known, Letty is a phenomenal chef/ baker/ etc... and every time she brings food, you know you're in for something great.

Here's to another few decades of The French Fork.

Cardinal Sin

is to blog about blogging.

But I'd feel remiss if it were Monday and there was nothing to greet you in your Reader or when you clicked over to The League and found I'd last updated on last week's news.

For shame.

I did finally blog over at Comic Fodder for, really, the first time since Watchmen was released. I have not said as much, but its been increasingly difficult to blog on comics of late. Some of it is time related, and part of it is the let down of the Watchmen film, mixed with the conclusion of "Final Crisis", which I am remaining silent upon until I read it all, all over again (but which left me drained). Part of it is that I don't like commenting upon ongoing stories, because its a bit like writing a new review of a movie at every fifteen minute point of that movie. And my favorite DC titles are now embroiled in year-long storylines. So... maybe in the fall?

I also am having a hard time finding time to read comics. Work is busy, and life has been busy. I'm stunned when I realize that people with kids and a job find time to not just read comics, but to write about them.

I am not sure I'm ready to give up the ghost on the column at Comic Fodder quite yet, but I'm fairly certain the Signal Watch column sort of put me off the whole thing for a while. It was making me worry too much about other blogs, and I felt like the whole thing just wasn't worth the time.

And, occasionally, I feel badly that League of Melbotis strayed so far from its original, comic-book themed roots so I could devote those columns to Comic Fodder. I always felt that there was something fun in tying the daily journal bit with the comic and movie stuff, and getting everything in once place.

But that's not really how blogs work anymore, if they ever did. They're on a theme, and you stick to that theme, or people aren't going to read. Which is why we're at about 45 readers a day here, and that includes about 40 hits from people looking for pictures of Supergirl Naked.

Actually, we get a lot more people looking for Rachael from Bladerunner and Bonnie from Knight Rider these days.

Not much to report. It was beautiful here today. We cleaned the garage. I went through a box of work stuff from ASU, much of which is actually not winding up in a landfill. Walked Lucy for a while. Watched an episode of "Cheaters" on G4, which is sort of the television equivalent of huffing paint (if "Rock of Love" is, indeed, TV crack).