Monday, December 14, 2009

Be Careful What You Wishbook For

My folks were not unwise. I recall many-a-conversation when they would ask "are you sure this is what you want?"

1 and 2) Dingbot and Verbot

You may remember the line of Robot toys from Tomy that hit stores in the mid-80's.

The four main toys were Dingbot, Verbot, OmniBot and OmniBot 2000.

Based on the commercials, I had high hopes for what these robots would do. I had visions of a robot buddy, a sort of Robot Friday that was going to be a bit of robot butler, side-kick and confidante. Seriously, look at this thing:



My folks, privy to my high-minded visions of how I believed the robots would work, talked me down to the lowest tier robot, DingBot. DingBot had no programmable features, but it sounded okay.

Here's a video of DingBot in action.



As you can imagine, the whole Butler/ Buddy thing didn't work out quite as I'd envisioned. It doesn't mean I didn't enjoy turning that thing on and watching it whack into walls, but I knew I'd just picked the wrong robot. My NEXT attempt would go better.

After all, the commercial for Verbot made it clear THIS was a robot that was going to listen to me:



Verbot never really worked correctly from Day 1. And, hey, funny thing. Every time you turned Verbot off and back on again, you had to reprogram the @#$%ing thing. Also, it didn't seem to particularly like my voice, so I spent a lot of time cursing at Verbot.

By 8th grade, I remember getting curious about what was actually inside Verbot, and taking him apart and putting him back together, at which point, ol' Verbot quit working at all. Wouldn't even turn on.


3) In 4th Grade, I got a Cabbage Patch Kid.

His name is Rhett Delbert, and I have no idea if he's in a box somewhere in my parent's house, or if he's been gifted via Salvation Army to some much-more worthy kid.

The Cabbage Patch craze sort of peaked when I was in 3rd grade, and in that way kids and readers of "Us" magazine do, I had to have an object because everyone else had that object. It was almost a check mark at the time more than any desire to have one. And, as a family we were often late to the party on this hip stuff, we sort of waited until the dust and tramplings cleared until I was a little too old for... dolls.

My grandparents had apparently secured the doll, and my folks made sure I knew they'd put themselves out to get this thing (and keep in mind, this is when people were literally getting killed wrestling for these dolls). So I knew I had to be extra appreciative.

So, yeah, there are some goofy pictures of me in these awful tan pajamas on Christmas,morning circa 1984 with this doll. The pictures themselves are doubly creepy to me because (a) I was really a big kid for my age. I was frequently mistaken for someone 2-3 years older than my age (these days, everyone assumes I'm in my 40's). So it looks like this pudgy 7th grader who is way, way too happy to have just received a doll. (b) I also was just getting to the point where I didn't really play with toys, per se, anymore. And I think I knew it when I opened that package, but the look of fulfilled avarice on that kid's face... anyway. I sort of hate that kid.

But I'd asked for this thing for two years, my grandparents had bought it, and I felt that I sort of needed to get my money out of the thing.

Nothing about the awkwardness of the situation was helped by having an older brother who made sure to point out I had a doll, or by the fact that a new kid who'd moved to town who I played with was really into his Cabbage Patch Kid. Which, in the end, was sort of helpful.

When I look at the thing, I remember with stunning clarity having the realization by sort of watching my friend that I really, really was past this particular part of my childhood. Because my folks have that "we built all this from nothing" work ethic, giving gifts was happily done, but we understood that we weren't one of the families that was getting new bikes every Christmas. Even then, I couldn't tell anyone that I had no idea what to do with a Cabbage Patch Kid once I had it. And I sure as @#$ couldn't ever let Jason know I, too, in my more lucid moments, thought this was a pretty dumb thing for a ten year old kid who didn't want to get his ass kicked to have in his possession.

The odd thing is, I am sure I found some way to play with that damn doll, but I have no idea what I did with it.

And so, after a while, poor 'ol Rhett Delbert, who never did nothing to nobody, got stuck in the back of my closet, right along with a whole lot of embarrassment.

#4) Laser Tag

It did not occur to me until AFTER Christmas morning that it was a very good thing that my friends had also asked for a system that you need at least two people to play. Sure, there were games that you could play by yourself, but they all were about as interesting as seeing if you could hit a spot on the wall with a flashlight.

Once again, the commercials looked totally awesome:



I had never been to "Photon" in Dallas, but I'd heard about how cool it was. That same Christmas that we all got Laser Tag, the Photon franchise released their own home-game version of their equipment which had the added bonus of noting that the only target on a person is rarely a red disc about the size of a coaster, and because it came witha helmet that registered shots from any direction, it also suggested (unlike Lazer Tag) that one could be shot from any direction.

Because we all had the same Lazer Tag equipment, in theory it was a level playing field. However, being 12 or so, the first thing we all set out to do was cheat, either by turning off our receptors immediately after the game started, or covering them or by changing the width of our beams (yeah, the guns were oddly sophisticated).

In the end, gameplay turned into all of us eying one another with suspicion and nobody trusting one another enough to NOT cheat the minute they were out of site.

In addition, to make Laser Tag half as cool as Photon, you had to start buying the multitude of accessories, and if everyone didn't have the same accessories, it immediately changed the playing field. And, while our folks could afford the starter kit, nobody's folks were going to shell out an extra lump of cash for the helmet, rifle, etc...

Photon, by the way, just looked cool.



Looked cool, that is, unless you were a kid in a helmet designed for adults. When all the rest of us got Laser Tag, this kid Dave got Photon, and he looked sort of like a crazy person with all the wires and gear hanging off of him. Especially when he was playing with his 7 year old sister.

That not too specific language in the Photon commercial was their way of saying "dummy, if you buy Lazer Tag, you have to buy all the peripheral crap, and none of it is synched like our system". Nonetheless, both more or less failed.

But we atill have a place called "Blazer Tag" very near Jamie's dialysis clinic that I always threaten to take her to.


However...

The Rebel Transport toy from Kenner
? Was totally awesome.



yes, it was usually used in scenes of role-played cowardice as I evacuated Rebel bases, but it was fun.

Also fun?

My blue Team Murray BMX bike I got in, I think, 2nd grade.

I was officially too old for Teddy Ruxpin when the talking bear debuted, but that didn't mean I didn't want to see how one worked. I was sad to see that Teddy Ruxpin's moving animatronic parts took the cues from electronic tones on the audio tapes. However, a more cheaply made competitor, the Cricket doll, simply responded to whatever sounds were on the tape. Once my friend Todd and I discovered this, we spent hours finding ways to make Cricket insist to Todd's sister that she was possessed by Satan, and that one dark night, she would choke the life out of her and turn her into a doll.

Ah, good times.

Rock It, Bing


Pretty much exactly what one sees at League HQ come Christmas time.

Leaguers may not know, but I once had an affinity for the vocal stylings of Mr. Bing Crosby. It has greatly informed my approach to singing Christmas Carols. Except... I can't sing. So... it gets interesting.

This clip is from "Holiday Inn", which will run on cable over the Holidays. There are some seriously dodgy moments in the movie when it comes to race-relations of the time, and some versions cut out a particularly questionable sequence (the film loses nothing, and its about as offensive of a scene as you're likely to find).

Anyhow, Crosby's cover of "White Christmas" is one of the best selling records of all time, and, in fact, spawned a movie entitled "White Christmas", also starring Crosby. Both are a good way to kill an hour or so over the Holidays.

Crosby was considered a bit of a heart-throb in his day, and had a mind-blowingly long career, spanning around 5 full decades, dominating the charts for much of the pre-Rock-n'Roll era. He was, in fact, a hero of Sinatra's before Sinatra was Sinatra.

Anyhow, here's Bing and Bowie.



Throw in David Byrne, and this video would literally melt my brain.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

One Week Left

The last post from this blog goes up next Sunday around 11:59pm.

I'm starting to get a little more melancholy about the end of things. On Saturday Jamie and I were visiting the Armadillo Christmas Bizarre and ran into Maxwell and Family, and I know that were it not for this site and Cowgirl Funk, it would be unlikely that I'd have ever seen little Sophie or Eric (who is less little). And, of course, there will be an Earth-2 League that carries on with the blog in his world. Sadly, lacking a Cosmic Treadmill, I can't travel through time, space or dimensions to see what that world looks like.

I am worried about the folks I'll lose touch with, and that I'm doing something wrong. We'll see soon enough.

Part of why I wrapped things up when I did is that I have two entire weeks off, from Dec. 22 - January 3rd where I'll have time to start new projects and pick up old ones, and as I'm getting out of my normal pattern, establish a new one. Anyway, I'm really looking forward to starting my career in hip-hop.

Guest Post: The Decade in Comics

I Guest Blogged at Comic Fodder, looking at the changes in the last ten years.

Click here.

Krampus + Lost Venture Bros. = Awesome

So, I'm kind of counting on the fact that my folks never watch the videos I put on here to work in my favor, so... seriously, those of a sensitive nature. Don't click here.

I also don't know how many of you watch The Venture Bros. on Cartoon Network, but its become one of my favorite shows. Just... don't expect me to explain Dr. Girlfriend, or the fact that her voice doesn't phase me anymore at all.

But a few years back, it seems they produced a Christmas Special. I'd never heard of it until today, when The Dug recalled seeing it as it features... The Krampus!

So, if you want to see the first animated appearance of the Krampus in the US that I'm aware of, click here. Just be aware that... Venture Bros. is aimed at non-emotionally-mature adults.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

This looks about right...



found at Calvin's site

Steve Hooperee

I don't know who "Steve Hooperee" is, but people keep finding this blog looking for the guy.

Neil Diamond Brings It Home For the Holidays



found at Pop Candy

Comic of the Decade?

Time posted their comics of the decade and came up with a sort of wonky top 10.

You can see it here.

Ultimates is listed as the best comic of the decade. And this, clearly, is wrong (unless you're a Marvel fanboy of the highest degree). Most successful at what it was trying to do? In many ways, I could agree. Some of the best artwork in comics? Absolutely.

As a time capsule of the belligerency of a decade where the American Spirit coalesced into an angry child damaging everything in his path to prove he isn't scared? Sure.

Ultimates started with a lot of promise. It took Avengers, one of my least favorite concepts in comics (and Lord knows I tried to enjoy it, because so many others liked it, and I wanted to understand why), turned the cartoon cut outs of the Avengers into 2.5 dimensional characters, and said "No, its 2006. What ARE these characters?", did a good six first issues, and then promptly lost its way as a comic about set-pieces rather than story, and abandoning the implicit, post-9/11 agreement in comics that images and scenes of mass destruction should have weight to them, and that destroyed cityscapes and body counts of "Authority" (who Ultimates was always more or less imitating, anyway, and which found itself at #6 on the list) were a thing of the past.

Its fairly clear that whomever penned the list is into the "kick-ass", Ellis-infused-Machismo aspect of comics that so defined the last decade. Its all about seeing superhuman feats (Authority, 100 Bullets, Planetary all make the list) by just-over-the-line-of-fascist-"heroes" taking on even more diabolical fascists. It's adolescent power fantasy realized by way of lack of moral compass. Again, more or less how I'll remember the 'Oughts, anyway.

It's not that I don't LIKE parts of Authority, Planetary, Ultimates, etc... all of which I've read (not 100 Bullets. Azzarello's work leaves me bored and sort of bemused in a way he probably wouldn't appreciate). Its just that I got so bored of the schtick by the second volume of Ultimates that I ultimately gave it up. That doesn't say "Best of Decade" to me by any stretch.

But maybe it does say "Encapsulating the Decade".

Colbert/ Krampus/ The League - WTF?

So, this is @#$%ing BIZARRE.

A week ago, co-worker Dan Z. started telling me all about Krampus, and we all had a good laugh about terrorizing his children. I actually wrote my Krampus post while watching Glee on my DVR, starting around 9:30. So... yeah.

Now Colbert, in my final two weeks here at The League, is making me look like I'm copying stuff off TV and passing it off as my own.

Anyway, seems last night around 10:30 central time, Stephen Colbert and the Colbert Report aired this (skip to 2:34):

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude - Hallmark & Krampus
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorU.S. Speedskating


I'm kind of freaking out.

Obviously Colbert Report tapes well before airing.

I... just don't know what to make of this. Is it possible it is, in fact, time for Krampus in America?

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

More Disturbing Yuletide Joy

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Christmas Totally Needs Krampus

My co-worker, Dan, recently informed me of something that I really want to start working into my Holiday season.

Apparently in Germany there used to be a tradition in early December that, in order to get little kids to behave in the Holiday seasons operated on the "more stick, less carrot" model. Germans, being Germans, had cooked up a surefire way of managing their kids by scaring the bejeezus out of bad kids with a fellow named Krampus (complete with horns, fangs, etc...) who came by in early December with Santa to warn little bad kids about how rotten they were, and apparently rattle chains and pop them with birch branches.

I'm not clear if an early December birch-thwacking was it for the kids, and if they still got apples in their shoes on December 25th or whatever the little stone age German kids used to get for Christmas, but I think we could work something out if we wanted to bring Krampus into the modern American Christmas.


Wouldn't this look awesome as an inflatable lawn decoration?

I like the idea that Santa and this Krampus guy can operate on a good cop/ bad cop model in a way that kids can wrap their heads around. It certainly puts a whole new spin on Santa when you consider that he seems to endorse Krampus's @#$%ed-up shenanigans.

Anyway, I guess in some parts of Alpine Germany, people still do this Krampus thing.


You know St. Nick thinks its totally hilarious to have a jack-ass side kick who makes those ungrateful little miscreants sweat a little

Oh, Germany. You are a font of never-ending old-school terror.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Charity Opportunity

Hey Leaguers.

I am now beginning to recall that last year's charitable efforts went largely unnoticed here at The League. I'm giving it 24 hours more and then we're pulling it down. This is just sort of sad.

If you want to participate, click on the links on the left.

Just checking in

Every week Jamie watches "So You Think You Can Dance?", the American Idol of dance shows. Despite the fact I found lots of American Idol chatter in my early posts, I've not watched the show since the second season or so, and I don't normally watch reality competitions.

I have no real knowledge of dance other than that I grew up in a household where it wasn't considered strange to go to musicals or watch them as movies. So I really have no idea if what I'm looking at is any good or not. The style is hardly Gene Kelly or Cyd Charisse in most dances, but I don't find it as embarrassing as I find the typical, hackey cover of a Queen song on American Idol (it does not matter who you are. You aren't Freddy, so stop it.).

This week has been very busy. My office Admin is out, so I'm doing parts of her job and trying to do my own. Today a major screw-up was uncovered, and so I spent the middle of my day sweating bullets around whether or not I was going to be able to fix that situation (it resolved itself imperfectly).

Its also been a week of announcements for DC Comics. Little things most of you guys won't care too much about, I guess. But stuff I believe is healthy for comics with one foot in the past and an eye on the future.


Superman Earth One

Mostly, I'm kind of tired. Which is why I don't think I have it in me this evening to say a whole lot.


An upcoming cover for Wonder Woman #600. New George Perez art!

Monday, December 07, 2009

DC's Earth One Initiative

I'm guest blogging over at Comic Fodder for Travis while he travels. Wrote my three-page navel-gazing missive on what it means to put out new, original graphic novels hard rebooting Superman and Batman.

Go here.

Happy Birthday to Dug!



Happy B-Day, B-Dug.

P-Squared, if you need help saving Christmas, we're your buddies!

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Unnecessary meme

Calvin posted this meme. And I hadn't done one in a while, so here you go.

1. What is the color of your toothbrush?
Gray. It is a fat Colgate toothbrush with a gray strip on the handle. I prefer fat-handled tooth brushes with a "medium" or "regular" head.

2. Name one person who made you smile today.
My co-worker Pete has a kid, Alex. Alex is about 3 months old. Babies are cute. I smiled at him during the office Holiday party. Also, The Admiral made me laugh several times on the phone.

3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Sleeping off the "celebrating" I did during the Horns game.

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
Talking to the Admiral and watching football.

5. What is your favorite candy bar?
Probably the Hundred Grand or whatever they call it now. Although if its just a chunk of chocolate, I prefer dark chocolate.

Bonus Question: What no-longer-available candy would you bring back?
Grape bubble gum. How the hell did that disappear from the candy aisle?

6. Have you ever been to a strip club?
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

7. What is the last thing you said aloud?
"That looks good". Jamie was showing me a printout of the annual Christmas letter to the family.

8. What is your favorite ice cream? How to choose?
I am lactose intolerant. I choose "no" when it comes to ice cream. As a kid I liked Peppermint and Bubble Gum. As a teen, coffee.

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?
I am drinking "Canada Dry", a delicious Ginger Ale. I understand that in Canada, its just referred to as "Us Dry".

10. Do you like your wallet?
Yeah. Begrudgingly. Its the first wallet I've had in years without a Superman logo on it, but I got tired of placing my wallet face down when I was in mixed company. This wallet is a fairly standard folding affair from "Fossil". However, you can remove the ID holding part, which is nice when I want to just carry my ID and a credit card.

11. What was the last thing you ate?
Taco Cabana. I'm not proud.

12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
I bought slippers at JC Penny this morning because they were half off and had a UT logo on them. Also, I owned no slippers, and we have concrete floors, and it was in the 30's this week.

13. The last sporting event you watched?
I am watching NFL football. Cards vs. Vikes. Cards are winning.

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
Plain with salt is fine. But I do not turn my nose up at caramel corn. Last year I realized I no longer care for cheesy corn.

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to?
The aforementioned co-worker Peter, who I texted at the end of the UT game last night. He is an Aggie thrice-over (undergrad, Masters, PhD), and was hoping UT would lose.

16. Ever go camping?
Not really. Last camping trip was Spring Break 1994, and it was a disaster. I sprained my ankle when I got out of the car, and the camp site was across the lake from a power plant, and somehow I neglected to actually bring food. It was awful.

I also love indoor plumbing. Call me crazy.

17. Do you take vitamins daily?
No. I try to eat as many foods as I can each day so that I absorb vitamins the old fashioned way.

18. Do you go to church every Sunday?
No. And it makes certain people sad, so we shall discuss it no further.

19. Do you have a tan?
No. I inherited the ghastly pallor of my Finnish forebears and have no ability to brown up when exposed to El Sol. I just go red and get cancer-y.

20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?
That's like asking Archie if he prefers Betty or Veronica.

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?
Driving: yes.
At the movies: sometimes.
At home: Never.
At restaurants: no, but I constantly worry I'm sharing spit with the last person who drank from that glass.
From a bendy straw: I'm not ready for that part of life.
From a crazy straw: As often as I can find one.

22. What did your last text message say?
Incoming: Your Horns are looking a little rough tonight.
Outgoing: That game was RIDICULOUS.

23. What are you doing tomorrow?
Working. Why?

24. favorite color?
Blue.

25. Look to your left; what do you see?
A TV remote. Beyond that, Jamie.