Tuesday, May 04, 2004

Thanks, Science!

Turns out owning a hybrid car could cause you some additional giref if you're in a car wreck.

ZAP!!!!

I am very excited about the upcoming models of hybrid car. I love the Forester, but with it's tiny tank and my weekly mileage, if I don't fill up every Monday, it can spell trouble.

Monday, May 03, 2004

Can Jim D. and Randy meet the challenge set before them?

Loyal Leaguers may recall that a month or so ago I challenged Jim and Randy to:

1) see Garfield: The Movie in the theater

2) write a full review of the movie for use on both of their sites and The League

The League is willing to fully fund the price of 1 ticket, a large popcorn and a soda of their choice for each participant. Girlfriends, kindly grandmothers, and random children chosen off the street must pay their own way. The League is not a charity.

So will they accept the challenge, or be all cowardly and stuff...? June 11th, we'll know for sure.
Ahhhhh... Hippie Hollow... my earliest memories of living in Austin (around age 10) include a conversation with a girl telling me how she drifted past Hippie Hollow in her family boat, and how a dude was hanging out naked on the rocks.

"It's a nude beach," she said.
"And he was naked."
"Yes. it was so gross."
"And you knew it was a nude beach."
"Yeah, it's Hippie Hollow."
"Why in God's name did your parents go by Hippie Hollow so slowly if they knew it was a nude beach?"
"Those people are freaks."
"That apparently your family likes to take long, lingering glances at."
"No way. We were just drifting by."
"Uh-huh."
"We were!"
"Slow enough to look at the nude people."
"You're a freak."
"I see."
Being married to me, my beautiful wife, Jamie, has to suffer through a lot. She's grown accustomed to a lot of the capes and superhero nonsense, and she's even embraced small bits of it (but I still can't get her to pick out a comic on her own if she ever winds up at the comic shop with me). Lately, the thing has been my school work for my grad class which has decimated the past several weekends as I slog through a project which I am not particularly fond of.

Gold star to her for putting up with me while she has to do all the real work around the house.

On another front, she was delighted to see pictures of Christian Bale in his batsuit. Apparently, the former Newsies star is the sort of dude Jamie likes to see in a pointy-eared cowl. So we both get something out of the new Batman movie, I guess.

I joined a gym this weekend. God help me. I need to go tonight or I am never going to make this work.

My friend Jeff Peek is having trouble with the US Immigration department. Jeff is marrying a lovely girl name of Adriana from Guadalajara. Apparently, the immigration services jacked up some paperwork, and now she may not be able to go to Mexico for the wedding without risking her immigration status. Sounds pretty awful from what he said, and being that Jeff is one of my oldest pals, I am really down hearing about it. They'll still get married, but the actual wedding and all that they have already put money down for is in serious jeopardy. Due to numerous factors, i was not going to the wedding in Mexico. Ugh. Poor guy.

And on a very different note... one of the biggest personal scandals to hit comics since Dave Sim declared women to be the root of all evil, anti-war activist/ comic artist Micah Wright was found out to NOT be an Army Ranger as he'd frequently asserted. Wright had published one book and was due to publish another book of retooled porpaganda posters driving toward anti-war sentiment. For years, he had always used the bulletproof defense that he was a former Army Ranger who had turned anti-war during the invasion of Panama. That is, until his lack of Ranger training, etc... was uncovered by the Washington Post.

Still, Wright asserts it was a "joke" and a "hoax", instead of admitting he's a big old liar.

Scandals liek this don't hit comics very often, but when they do... well, let's just say Wright isn't going to be working in comics again. He managed to embarass not just himself, but his publishers, editors and everyone else who ever believed him.
Reviews of movies I watched this weekend (God bless you, little DVR!).

20 Millions Miles to Earth

Ever since I was a little kid and had a book called "Movie Monsters!", I'd wanted to see this flick. It sounded really, really cool what with space ships and monsters. I'm always one for the vintage sci-fi and stuff.

But, as Randy lamented, the things we dug as kids don't always pan out to be as great as we thought they were.

It's the 50's, and our brave astronauts crash in the ocean outside Sicily while returning from Venus. The craft is absolutely enormous and very cool, until it disappears in the sea. A weird cowboy/ Italian kid who looks exactly liek Steve-o from MTV's Wildboyz discovers a big tube filled with some sort of egg in it. The cowboy/Italian/Steve-o sells the egg to a local doctor for the price of a Texas Cowboy hat.



Meanwhile, our alarmingly lantern jawed astronaut/ hero puts down his female doctor which makes her fall in love with him. (Note to self: always treat women like 2nd class citizens, and they will adore you) The female doctor is the neice or something of the doctor who got the egg. The egg hatches and out pops a monster from Venus.

Side note: everyone on board the rocket but the lantern jawed astronaut died of a mysterious venutian virus. THis is never mentioned again despite the fact a huge, venutian monster is running around the countryside contaminating god knows what.

Overnight the monster grows at an exponential rate (despite not being fed or watered or anything). The astronaut and the US space agency realize the egg is missing and go try to find it. Apparently the astronauts saw a lot of the things on the surface of Venus and learned only one thing: THe monsters can be harmed by electricity.

Wow.

I guess we're to understand they flew all the way to Venus to figure out how to torture the native life.

And here's the important thing: the astronaut hero guy says that the monsters are only aggressive if provoked. And then the astronaut proceeds to poke the monster with a stick. Seriously. he finds a 20 foot pole and begins poking at the damn thing.

The monster retaliates by killing an Italian farmer. This leads them to believe the monster is dangerous, so they capture it, only to let it grow REALLY large. So, of course, the monster escapes. It runs into an elephant (they're keeping him at the zoo), has a pretty convincing fight with the elephant.

Knowing the monster is only aggressive if provoked, the military attacks it with bazookas, causing all kinds of havoc in the streets of Rome. Eventually, the thing falls off the Roman Collosseum and dies. The end

Proving that people are dumb as rocks, this movie asserts that, despite the fact the monster was our responsibility, we should kill it for, you know, trying to get out and about. Yet, this movie is still a bit of a sci-fi classic. Ray Harryhausen provided the special FX, and they're really, really good. But the questions one could raise about the game plan for containing this beast... anyway, the movie is pretty much the third act of King Kong stretched out to two hours.

I also saw Bridge on the River Kwai, which was infinitely better.

Saturday, May 01, 2004

And Arnie learns politics is a cruel, cruel bitch
Teen Movies. There are a heck of a lot of them out these days, aren't there? And just when I thought "Not Another Teen Movie" heralded the end of the latest spate of them, I was very, very wrong.

As long as there are teenagers who believe media targeted at them is shiny and brand new and wholly original to the universe as it enters their experience, a dozen or so of these flicks are getting cranked out a year. And the funny thing is, the critics spend a lot of time justifying these movies instead of simply writing them off. But the review always has the haunting quality of a 16 year old girl whose parent simply don't understand her...

The review of the teen movie always goes something like:

Being a teenager is hard. Every high school is the same. There are cliques. The cafeteria blah blah blah. We all hated it, right? Right? This movie is about a girl who is sad because she is not popular in the cafeteria. Something magical happens to make her popular but then she does not like herself. This thing tests her identity about who she wants to be, and she decides to be who she was at the beginning of the movie and the bitchy girls get their comeuppance. This movie wasn't very good, but it had a few funny jokes. Breakfast Club is good. In spite of all the shit I put on other, better movies, I liked this movie. The End.

You know what?

If you really thought that life would be great if you ditched your friends, it means you're an idiot and kind of a horrible person. Seriously. You don't deserve the fairy tale story where you learn to accept your friends. You were probably a jerk then and, more than likely, you're a jerk now.

And, kids... High school is easy. High schoolers don't really work and they live the dream lives of the characters on Friends where you pretty much pal around with your buddies all day, and then go pal around with your buddies some more, and nobody is ever at work or worrying about a mortgage or anything. This is why my favorite high school movie may well be "American Beauty".

Of course, I came into my high school as a sophomore, so maybe I missed the day freshman year we were given "A TV Viewer's Guide to Your High School". And thanks to TV and movies, I remember thinking high school was going to be this horrible place where I was going to have to win ski competitions and dance-offs to impress girls. Really, the worst thing about high school is that you have to go see a lady in the principals' office when you are "tardy", even if it's because you dared to use the bathroom between classes.

I suspect movies and TV are written by people who always secretly wanted to be IN some crowd they thought would make boring high school more interesting, instead of watching these other folks from afar like the characters always do on these shows. Which pretty much means two things to me:

1) the writers may have dedicated their whole lives to feeling superior to Jessica Schwartz once and for all, and their whole professional life is some sad revenge fantasy
2) The critics need the same visceral indication and are still getting it from these movies at age 40

With movie after movie coming out like this, clearly it's reaching the intended audience (whether the decision is to go with the hot, rich prince, or whether to go back to hanging out with your admittedly lame friends you had in Act 1).

My high school movie would be painful and boring to watch as the great drama unfolded as my dad and I debated whether mowing the lawn early or late on Saturday was a better idea. Or the drama of the bad haircut. Or the story of the time the pump took a really long time at the Chevron. Or the saga of the really bad pair of Bugle Boys. Or the time I jumped off my roof into the pool. If we wanted to get really exciting, we could investigate the mystery of why we never had any damn soda in the house unless guests came to visit. Hollywood, I am ready to sell any of these ideas.

Friday, April 30, 2004

In the history of weird decisions, this was one of the weirdest in broadcasting I can think of.

NPR said "adios" today to Bob Edwards as the voice of my morning commute.

I'm still not sure what prompted Edward's ouster, but I am betting whatever we were told about wanting to skew younger is hogwash. I bet Edwards and Montagne got into a knife-fight in the parking lot.
And.... first look at Christian Bale as Batman.
Apparently some a-holes in some a-hole hate group managed to get top billing when you Google for "Jew." Google has posted an apology if this is what you find while searching, but has stated they cannot change the findings without compromising the validity of their process. Or something.

Apparently, as a web-publisher guy, I can help a bit by linking to this site. If enough people link to it, and I say Jew on my website, it may help derail the hate group. I have no idea if this will work or help or not, but you have to try, right? So, here I link to the definition of Jew.
Some ABC affiliate stations now refuse to play tonight's upcoming Nightline installment featuring the names and photographs of the soldiers who have died in Iraq.

Says Koppel, "I didn't expect that. I thought it would get attention, but did I think it would become so controversial, did I think that people would feel the need to question the patriotism of those who are putting it on the air? Did I think that it would descend to the depths of some people suggesting we were doing this because the networks are going into a sweeps period when ratings become important? You start to wonder after a while. I've been doing 'Nightline' for over 24 years, I've been at ABC for 41 years, if that's really the impression I've left with people then I have failed in such a colossal way that I can't even begin to consider the consequences of it."
Last night when I was going to bed, I turned off the light and then turned on a flashlight to try and be funny and surprise Jamie. No go on surprising Jamie.

However, Mel (who likes to sleep by the foot of our bed) suddenly began scrambling around, terrified out of his mind by the flashlight.

My dog is afraid of flashlights.

Melbotis + flashlight =

ba-KAWK!!!!

Thursday, April 29, 2004

Hurray! Travis Mays returns to UT!

I used to think this guy was the bee's knees.
Folks trickling in from Jim D's site: I welcome you and apologize in advance.

I also apologize for all the type-o's. My mum's a teacher, and she'd be sad if she thought you believed I cannot spell.

For those of you who don't know Jim, I went to college with Jim D. This is a photograph of Jim in his swankier college days.

Superman #204 hit the stands yesterday, and I can't encourage Loyal Leaguers enough to get on board Superman with this issue.

Holy cats.

I had been very excited by the previews DC had posted on their website, but the preview doesn't actually show what's in #204. Sure, the dialogue is the same for the first two pages, but it's actually different art. It's a greater establishing shot. I'm kind of curious to know what happened and if the art will turn up again... But who cares. Superman #204 rocked my socks off in a way the other two (very nicely done) relaunches have failed to do.



Brian Azzarello is better known for his crime-fiction, and the story will be the largest "whodunit?" in comics in a long time. Indeed, while Superman was lending a hand to Kyle Rayner Green Lantern a million miles from home, something happened back on Earth. Superman returned to discover that about 1 million people were missing. Just gone. Among the missing was Lois Lane, intrepid reporter for The Daily Planet and wife to Superman.

Anyway, the story has almost no action. It's a huge prelude of things to come. But the art is phenomenal, and the writing is excellent.

You can wait 18 months for the collection to be released, or you can jump on-board now. I know what I'd do.

Speaking of Green Lanterns... Looks like Hal Jordan will officially be DC's boy in green once again. I like John Stewart, myself... But that's mostly based on only the cartoon of Justice League and a brief run called Cosmic Odyssey and a few good issues of Joe Kelley's JLA. We'll see what happens.
An old co-worker of mine was just accepted to the Cannes Film Festival...

Karen Skloss and I worked together at the Instructional Media Lab (now the FIC) at the University of Texas. She was lead editor and cinematographer on a few of our projects while I was there. I knew she had talent, but I am ashamed to now admit we got into a row or two over editing decisions. Clearly, she is now more in the right than I. Karen, wherever you are, I am sorry i wanted that pan shot cut.

Karen is an A+ kind of person, and I am thrilled to hear about her success.

Irony of ironies... Karen is not a grad student in the RTF department. She's a Fine Arts grad.

UT RTF let's one more slip away....
Further proof that we are two nations separated by a common language... just read the headline my friends.

The article is very interesting, too. Thanks to my wife for the link.


Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Today is the 4th Anniversary of my wedding to Jamie McBride Steans.

We got married on a lovely Friday afternoon in South Austin under the watchful eye of many of our friends and loved ones and some random friends of my parents. Jamie was amazingly lovely, and the whole thing mostly went off without a hitch.

Here's to four great years of me being the luckiest guy on earth.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Everyone wants to be naked and famous.

I got a post-card in my mail-slot at work today for some sort of drama camp being held at my employing university. It looks like it's for middle-school or high-school aged kids, and is designed to aloow them to try out their acting chops in an environment other than the annual Christmas Pageant (I, myself, am a three-time veteran narrator of the Christmas Pageant. I was not allowed to narrate anymore after I flubbed the phrase "Prince of Peace" during the horrid production of "The Christmas Alphabet". There are a lot of letters after P, and X wasn't even included, so it wasn't much of a play. But I sure saw those angry stares from the parents when I screwed up "Prince of Peace". Which made me start laughing. Which made my brother start laughing. Which made Todd start laughing. Which didn't help with the angry stares. And I thought Christmas was supposed to be merry...).

At any rate, the post card shows about five kids of varying ethnicities pulled from some pay-per-photo website. They might be singing. They might be yelling. I can't tell. I kind of don't like kids, so I didn't pay too much attention. What caught my eye was the phrase, "Where every child is a star!" Parents: That is physically impossible. Not every child is a star. The world if full of us chorus type people. And if your kid stinks, your kid stinks. furthermore, Parents: just because your kid is an obnoxious lout, doesn't make them the next Katherine Hepburn. Trust me. And, no... there's no such thing as precociousness. It's almost invariably obnoxiousness through the filter of parent's doting eyes. And then it becomes obnoxiousness which receives positive reinforcement, making it all the worse for the chorus kids.

Can little kids be good actors? Sure. I guess. And so can chimps and dogs. Even Dolphins can act, if you've seen Flipper.

But the point is, not EVERY child is going to be a star. A lot of kids will go to camp and end up way back in the chorus, or play "shopkeep #5" in an atrocious rendition of Hello, Dolly! (I am actually reminded of a former co-worker of mine who told me her 5th grade class performed MacBeth. I said "God, that must have been awful for your parents!" and she said "No, we were really good." To which I said "You were 10. Whether you knew it or not, the best you could do is memorize your lines." To which she insisted "well, we were in the gifted class." To which I said "Weren't we all. It sounds like a freaking nightmare. I pity your parents." To which she said "Well, kids at my school were probably smarter than at your school. This was in Philadelphia." Which pretty much went against everything I ever knew about Philadelphia, but I let it drop.)

Now there's nothing wrong with kids doing drama, or adults doing drama. And I don't want that confusion to play out here. But the point is: iWhere Every Child Is a Star!

Which got me thinking about Reality TV. It's fairly easy to see the connection and if you see where I'm going, stop reading now. Reality TV is the long-awaited dream of all of us untalented chorus people. It's the final resting place of the morbidly un-cast to be famous for being famous, to let dignity and due process fly to the wind. It casts off any preconceptions about skill, or working for years before getting a break, or having talent. It's your chance to fulfill the highschool popularity contest of being universally known and loved just for existing.

But, like everything else, this stardom is fleeting. Just the length of the season of the show, and then someone even nutsier comes along on a show you never heard of before. But by then you've got an agent, you've ditched your girlfriend and moved to LA to have a go at making it in the movies (which, honestly... you know jack-shit about...). You get a role in a commercial playing a pre-scripted version of yourself (who is kind of an ass, but it's hyperbole for TV, right...?) and then... VH1 calls to ask you about how bitter you are because you're not in the next Spielberg picture the way you hoped... and can they put you on camera to talk about it? Well, says you agent, it would be good for your exposure (which is limited to the local bar right now). So, yeah, go ahead. 15% of blood money is better than 15% of nothing.

And forget about the kids who go to LA and are starring in movies like "The Sopornos 18" a year or two of bad decision making after their arrival. Or the sea of people who don't happen to have fathers and mothers who can get them a job... Or the demeaning role of "chubby girl #2" or the best story they have is that it turns out Alan Thicke can be a real moody bastard on set...

We want our kids to be famous. We want them to be known and harassed and stalked and photographed and adored... screw it if their only skill is showing their teeth when they smile...

And if they do become a star, they decide you abused them and sue you for all you've got once they turn twenty-one and meet a coke-head stripper looking for a handout. Hell, if the story is horrific enough, you can get on VH1 and talk about with out without a 15% representation fee. And, hey... that makes you semi-famous, right..?
it now appears that there are at least two images circulating through the internet of Iraqi children posing with a jolly US soldier, all of them giving the camera the Fonze.



The League suspects these formerly oppressed miscreants have no deep love for The League.


Stir up controversy in your own home!

Monday, April 26, 2004

I have to admit a fondness for MTV's globe-trotting "nature" program Wildboyz.

While I am sure that the good folks at PETA probably flip out at the very notion of putting an animal on camera without a signed consent form, the folks at PETA should really give the show a second-look... because the primary attraction of Wildboyz is getting to see grown men mauled by wild animals.

Steve-O and Chris Pontius from MTV's gleefully brain-dead Jackass have taken the show on the road, and decided to involve the peoples and animals from across the world. No longer content just to ride grocery carts downhill into a brick wall, Chris and Steve-O swim with man-eating sharks, get bit by toucans and get zapped by electric eels. Really, the show is an investigation into all of the aggressive tactics of animals you've heard about, but never got a chance to witness at the zoo. Luckily, Chris is not above poking a jaguar to see if it IS the dealiest cat alive.

Granted, Wildboyz is deeply rooted in the scatological (and here, my PETA friends, you may quit reading before you bust an artery). Steve-o is pee'd and pooped upon by elephants, and Chris might use his thong as the location where he's concealing feed for a guinea hen. And, of course, the male nudity. Neither Chris nor Steve-O will wear much more than a thong, given the chance. In some cases (like when they jumped in the water with a Great White Shark) they've had on even less.

Have I learned anything from Wildboyz? I have learned that Chris and Steve-O should be dead about fifty times over, but somehow live on, with all of their fingers, toes, ears and eyes intact. I also have learned that undomesticated animals WILL in fact attack you in pretty much the worst ways imaginable (see last nights episode with the Sloth Bear incident), and your crew will stand off camera and laugh as you get really messed up.

The amazing part of the spectacle is that Chris and Steve-O go back again and again. It wasn't enough when they dressed up as two parts to a zebra and ran across a veldt in front of hungry lions, only to be mauled. No, next episode they plan to test the stories surrounding the electric eel by standing in runnign water and grabbing electric eels.

I won't watch The Swan, but, God help me, I will watch these two guys get beat up by every creature on the planet.

Sunday, April 25, 2004

Suddenly I'm a tremendous fan of NASCAR.


click on pic for a larger image from over at Superman Homepage

Seems Hot Wheels is sponsoring some races. I guess I need to be on the lookout for Justice League themed Hot Wheels cars. And all this after today when, while at Target, I picked up what Jamie called "Rock 'Em, Sock 'Em Green Lantern".

All I know is I want to ride in whichever car Wonder Woman is getting in.

Friday, April 23, 2004

I am hoping Mel will soon have a buddy.

Yesterday when i got home there was a bit of commotion in the backyard. I went out to check on my flowers (which, given the state of the yard, are kind of wildflowers), and I heard my next door neighbor chatting with my katty-korner neighbor over the fence.

Still, I figured I wasn't going to stick my nose into their business. Eventually, I did, in fact, stick my nose into their business because, Leaguers, that's what The League excels at. My next door neighbor, Eric, is about 7' tall. He's really, really a great guy... he just happens to be able to see me all the time over the fence. Eric, perhaps due to his stature, is a big fan of Great Danes. Hence, he has a very sweet puppy named Lacy who is somewhat larger than Jamie. Jamie really likes Lacy, but Lacy is a very shy dog and only rarely says "hello". She ALWAYS looks alarmed when i wave to her over the fence.

Lacy has a boy dog over. Apparently Lacy is being bred, which is kind of exciting. Eric and Annette really take care of their dog, and they're big dog people who know all the different details of raising one and all the details about the breed etc... However, two dogs + cinderblock fence + excitement = some blocks fell out of the fence. Whoops. It appears Lacy and her beau took a few blocks out while saying hello to the neighbor kids.

Eric was telling me what was going on, and expalinging he was breeding Lacy, and I blurted out, "If it goes okay, we want a puppy." Jamie was not in earshot, so I quickly said, "Jamie can be convinced. Let me try."

So when Jamie came back to the fence to look over and see the boy doggy, I quickly said it again. "If it goes okay, we want a puppy. Right, sweetie?" She kind of looked nervous. "They're so big..." (seriously, even at 116 pounds, they dwarf my buddy Mel). "No big deal!" I answered. "You'll love it!"

Eric looked concerned about our eager acceptance. "We don't know what color they'll be. Tehy could be either fawn or brindle."

Jamie shrugged. "No big deal. We just like the doggies."

So we may, maybe, maybe, might be getting a Great Dane puppy.
Obviously I don't know the former Arizona Cardinal who fell in Afghanistan. I learned that he played ball and received his degree from my employing University.

“Pat Tillman was an outstanding ASU graduate who understood that we are in a global war, and he volunteered to be part of that,” said ASU President Michael Crow. “He fully understood the risks, yet he went to defend his country, and he gave up his life. Pat was an extraordinary young man who brought credit to us all.”

Flags are flying at half-staff throughout the university and the state. As plans unfold for special remembrances of Tillman at ASU, an announcement will be made. Crow and the university community send their thoughts and prayers to Tillman’s family and friends throughout the country.


Just noticed the name of this show. A few Leaguers may find this amusing.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

You know, after one long night at Club De Ville, I had a similar experience.
So, upon viewing the trailer for New York Minute, Jamie turned to look at me and said:

You know, Eugene Levy is turning into the Samuel L. Jackson of comedy.

She couldn't be more right.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

I used to work with Sheldon at UT.

He let me play around the nuclear reactor and he used to buy me lunch at Mother's. An all around square-G, and I guarantee you, he's not happy about all this.
oh, my virgin ears...

I am quite a-twitter that this is going to be in our national archives forever and ever and ever. And I would have loved to have been in the meeting where it was decided what could and couldn't be said.

"How about the c-bomb?"
"Oh, that's on the list."
"Fart-knocker..?"
"Get real, man."
"Well, we have to put fuck on the list, because my mom STILL has conniptions if she sees Eddie Murphy on TV. Even after The Nutty Professor..."
"Oh, fuck is definitely a-number-one on the list."
"Shit?"
"After 10:00, it's not a big deal."
"How is crap different from shit?"
"Man, shit is waaaaaayyyyy worse than crap."
"How so?"
"It just is."
"Okay, put shit on the list. We'll take it off later if we change our minds."
"Piss?"
"You've got to be shitting me."
"No. I think we need to add piss."
"How about pee-pee. Can we still say pee-pee?"
"Absolutely. Pee-pee is endearing. Piss means, you know... it's bad and stuff. Babies pee-pee. They don't piss."
"Asshole is on."
"Oh, man, yeah."
"Butthole."
"You just don't get it, do you..?"



THanks to Randy for this tidbit:

Batman and Robin in the UK?

I suppose it's much easier to emulate Batman than Superman if you're going to go ahead and do the whole cape thing. It would be far less impressive to just see Superman jogging off after, say, opening a jar of pickles for you. Forget about trying to do Green Lantern or The Atom.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

I almost forgot.

So I'm having lunch with this group from work and a woman I used to work with from another team, and we're talking about the local eateries, and I mention... "hey, yeah, I try not to go to [large chain corporate restaurant] too often. I'm just burned out on it."
"I won't go to [large chain corporate restaurant] either," says Michelle.
"Burned out?"
"No."
"Sick of their food?"
"No. I'll tell you when we finish eating."
So i assume it's a barf story, or a story about something she found in someone's plate, or something fun like that.
"No," she says. "My husband went to the bathroom, and he came back white as a sheet. And I asked him what the problem was. And he said he found a dead guy in the bathroom."
"A what?"
"A dead guy. Apparently the guy had shot himself in the head just before my husband walked in. So he saw.. you know..."
"Oh my God."
"Yeah."
"So we had to sit there while they pretended to help the dead guy, who was pretty much dead... and then we watched him get carried out on a gurney."
"You have to wonder," my co-worker said, "How he got the cat in there."
We all stared at her quizzically.
"It wasn't a cat," Octavio offered. "It was a guy."
"Oh, well, that makes more sense," she nodded. "I thought you said it was a cat in the bathroom, and I couldn't figure out how you would get a cat into a [large chain corporate restaurant]."
"And so we're walking out the door," Michelle continued. "And the hostess is still asking How was everything?, and the other hostess is, like Shut Up! They're the ones who found the guy in the bathroom!"
"So, did you ever find out what had happened?"
"No," Michelle shrugged. "He had been drinking at the bar a while, and then my husband found him."

So, Leaguers, a little morbid thought for the next time you're feeling like heading down to your corner [large chain corporate restaurant].

and because I have not yet said it: There, but for the Grace of God, go I....

In response to my post below regarding the guy who loves Tron, Nathan C. of San Antonio has offered the following:

"Wednesday morning, after allowing it to dry overnight, I tried it on to see what problems needed fixing: "

As in: "TRON warriors were never this pudgy?"
As in: "I'm still not as cool as Flynn. What's wrong?"
As in: "my head/Master Control Program?"
As in: "I still can't get that orange on the kitchen table to disappear by shooting it with my keychain laser pointer?"
As in: "I still seem to wipeout on my motorcycle every time I try one of those 90 degree turns. Need to work on the suspension."

Check out this ad. I'm totally going to start growing kids of myself so I can harvest them for parts later.

Actually, the website is a fake-ad for the new movie Godsend starring DeNiro. Apparently a number of people who have actually lost their children have found the site while trying to work through their grief, and the site isn't doing them any favors. The web-site doesn't really indicate it's a plant and advertising gimmick for a movie. A strange, weird world we live in. I mean, we actually live in an era where science fiction is blurring with fact. (No, I do not know enough about cloning to know where we actually are right now with cloning a human, but the experiments in the Garage of Solitude are going well.)

It's always a little horrific to see Hollywood try to grapple with new technology or ideas. Anybody else remember the movies The Net or Hackers? A little knowledge is a very dangerous thing and usually makes for a very silly movie about seven years after the fact. Godsend, in particular, looks to be Pet Semetary meets The Sixth Day. And if that one-two combo doesn't do it for you, I can't imagine what would.

I'll be curious to see if the ad changes.
If I could browbeat all of the Leaguers into changing one behavior, it would be to get them to step into a comic shop just once this year. You don't even need to spend any money, but get an idea of the wacky world of comic nuttiness. Breath in the warm, stale air of the local comic shop and be amazed at the nonsense inherent therein.

Somehow, I finally broke Randy. I'm not sure if he ever actually bought anything, but he went back inside. From there, the infiltration begins.

Speaking of comics... (which I occasionally do...)

Superman has officially relaunched with new creative teams for the next year. To get an idea of what you might expect, I suggest you take a look at the website DC has created for those of you curious to see what is going on in Metropolis these days. They've provided very nice PDF sneak peeks.

Here is the preview for Superman #204 coming out in two weeks.

Just when i was feeling a little low about what kind of geek I've willingly become, some things brighten your day. This guy's enthusiasm is contagious.

thanks to Jamie for the link.

Monday, April 19, 2004

I should never go to Vegas.

My first trip to Vegas was, at that point, the furthest west I had ever travelled, my first time in a desert, and my first work related trip. I was travelling with Michael "The My" Young and Derek "G-rated fun" Lee, my co-workers from the multimedia shop we'd set up at the University of Texas.

It was strange enough seeing the hotels from the plane and then from the tarmac... like tiny little sets built out in the middle of nowhere for some post-apocolyptic envisioning of the world, or maybe Brainiac's playground after he's miniaturized city after city. But then you draw closer, and you realize that was just a trick of the light, a matter of perspective. Each hotel is a city unto itself. Your brain lied to you, simply because it had never seen anything like it, and couldn't process the insanity.

We checked into Circus-Circus (actually... funny story... somehow Circus Circus did not have us listed as guests despite the fact we were holding reservation confirmations in our hands. These were the early days of online hotel reservations, kids...). Jamie's family was in Vegas for some reason at the same time. So while we were sorting our mess out, there's Dick and Judy waving to me from across the very crowded lobby.

One's first view of The Strip is overwhelming, but inconsequential to my point here. My point here is that I should never go to Vegas.

Because after several days in Vegas of wandering the NAB showroom and sitting through hours of presentations and visiting the Coca-Cola museum and all that good stuff, one morning I woke up, took a shower, put on my socks and turned on the TV while Michael "The My" Young brushed his teeth.

"Jesus," I said. "Some kids just opened up with a bag of guns at their high school out in Colorado."
"Where?"
"Columbine?"
"Oh," said The My. "That's where I grew up."

We watched the TV for a while, not saying much. We went down to a cafe and got some eggs, and didn't really talk. And that was that. My hadn't gone to school at Columbine High School, and he didn't know the kids... but, still.

And if you've been reading here for a while, you may remember that my second trip to Vegas began on September 9th, 2001 and ended a few days later when planes started flying again, and everybody was painfully polite to one another.

So, yeah... I shouldn't ever go back to Vegas.
Jim informs me that the Hellmouth is not in Sunnyvale. It is in Sunnydale. Which would explain why there are so few vampires here in Sunnyvale. Instead, we're plagued by CHUDs.
It's been several years now since I watched Buffy, but as the Buffy-geek community often interbreeds with the comic geek community, I can't help but keep tabs.

Chandler is making an effort to be Sunnyvale for a day. I'm almost tempted to go down to the library and see what's going on.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

Not much to report from Melbotis HQ. Slow weekend, not much happening. Beautiful weather. Etc...

I'm skipping the Punisher movie. For those of you who don't know, The Punisher is a Marvel character from the mid-70's who was originally a Spider-Man villain, and later became an anti-hero. He was cut from the same cloth as some Bronson movies (think the Death Wish series... in which you get to see Jeff Goldblum playing a "tough.) The Punisher's popularity soared in the mid-80's in the era of "kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out" action movies, and killing everyone in your path seemed like the most direct way to resolve a conflict.



Now, this may be surprising, but watching a dude in black pants kill every human being who crosses his path gets a bit stale after a while. So the Punisher's popularity waned in the early 90's.

Around 2000 The Punisher was relaunched as a dark, dark comedy about a guy out to kill everybody who ever committed a crime, and the very silly ways people try to stop him (not to mention a police force who secretly roots for him to take out the scumbags). It starred insane roid-infested Russian assassins, goofy nebbish cops and a slew of other characters trying to make sense of The Punisher's quest for vengeance.

My understanding is that the new movie uses these characters while refusing to be a comedy. Which is an odd choice, but I'm no genius of a producer. Furthermore, for reasons probably related to budgeting, the Punisher has moved from the "anything can happen" shadows of New York's underbelly to the tropical clime of Tampa, Florida, where one can, presumably, soak up the ocean air while acting as an unstoppable killing machine.

The truth is, we've all already seen this movie. There's no point to it if they weren't going to do something new (which is also why the black comedy series worked so well). After Commando, what the hell is there? Commando is the template for the video game action movie. You move up and up, collecting weapons until you fight the big boss. One could point to bruce Lee movies as pre-dating the concept, and I imagine they'd be right, but those movies had a certain grace and panache utterly lacking in testosterone bonanza's exemplified by Commando.

I don't really love Commando the way I did when I was 13, but it's brutal simplicity must have really struck a chord with people, because they've remade that movie a few hundred times over since it was released. As an interesting side-note, Jeph Loeb, one of my favorite comic writers, is also responsible for Commando.

Speaking of comics... Did anybody else see this week's epsidoe of Simpsons (entitled My Big Fat Geek Wedding)? Truly, a day of shame in the Steans household.

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Having utterly failed to capitalize on my birthday this past Monday as a source for blogger fodder, I will now do what I generally do not like to do.

I am going to just use somebody else's words and hope for the best. Unfortunately, I cannot determine who wrote the song.


Streets Of Laredo

As I walked out on the streets of Laredo.
As I walked out on Laredo one day,
I spied a poor cowboy wrapped in white linen,
Wrapped in white linen as cold as the clay.

"I can see by your outfit that you are a cowboy."
These words he did say as I boldly walked by.
"Come an' sit down beside me an' hear my sad story.
"I'm shot in the breast an' I know I must die."

"It was once in the saddle, I used to go dashing.
"Once in the saddle, I used to go gay.
"First to the card-house and then down to Rose's.
"But I'm shot in the breast and I'm dying today."

"Get six jolly cowboys to carry my coffin.
"Six dance-hall maidens to bear up my pall.
"Throw bunches of roses all over my coffin.
"Roses to deaden the clods as they fall."

"Then beat the drum slowly, play the Fife lowly.
"Play the dead march as you carry me along.
"Take me to the green valley, lay the sod o'er me,
"I'm a young cowboy and I know I've done wrong."

"Then go write a letter to my grey-haired mother,
"An' tell her the cowboy that she loved has gone.
"But please not one word of the man who had killed me.
"Don't mention his name and his name will pass on."

When thus he had spoken, the hot sun was setting.
The streets of Laredo grew cold as the clay.
We took the young cowboy down to the green valley,
And there stands his marker, we made, to this day.

We beat the drum slowly and played the Fife lowly,
Played the dead march as we carried him along.
Down in the green valley, laid the sod o'er him.
He was a young cowboy and he said he'd done wrong.


If you brush your teeth and get your sleep and live a good, clean life, eventually your dreams can come true.
So my coworker comes in and goes "So you're going with Jeff to Mexico to see that Virtual University?"
and I said "What?"
And she looked at me and then tottered off, saying "Let me run this by him."
Sometimes I have no idea what's going on around here, but apparently I'm going to Mexico.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

And I didn't even know I'd been to Australia...
and it's not even a Red Rider bb-gun.
Score another victory for Dedman. Kind of.

No, I didn't get TiVo, although I know that would be Dedman's wish. Instead, Cox Communications, the uber-glomerate available here in Phoenix, now makes video recording possible through their cable boxes. Last night Jamie went on a mission and picked up our new cable box with DVR enhancement.

I'm still futzing with it to learn how to properly use it, but I did enter in some of my favorite shows, and I managed to practice recording with Justice League and Chapelle's Show last night.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Link to Maxwell's page where she reprints a comedian talking about Bill Hicks.

It's been a while since I thought about Bill Hicks. It may be time to seek out his CDs once again.
At first I thought my car stereo was haunted, which would seem odd, as nobody ever died using my car stereo.

Inexplicably, the volume would turn down to "0", and then refuse to turn up again. Well, it's not haunted... the "down volume" button has broken and now, going over a bump is enough to convince the stereo I have my finger pressed on the button.

"You just need a new face plate," Octavio told me as I bemoaned my dilemma. Ah HAAAA!!!!

But my stereo is a Jensen, and when I went to Jensen.com (the URL my stereo flashes at me each time I turn it off), it appears that Jensen Audio is no longer in business. I am screwed.

For want of an 1/8th of an inch of plastic, I will probably end up having to buy a new stereo.

Sunday, April 11, 2004

here is the data we took of Mel's path part-way around the park. GPS is a fantastic thing.

THe weekend went well.

Jason came in around 4:00, and despite a last minute bit of confusion about which flight and airline he might be on, Jamie found him and brought him over to the office. He greeted everyone, and then we headed down the sidewalk to Grilled Expedition where we holed up and had soem drinks and food (it was 6:30 his time when we got there and he'd foregone lunch). Caught Hellboy later that evening, and then went to sleep very late for my Friday standards.

Woke up at 8:00 to let out Mel, and Jason was already up (it being 10:00am his time), so I figured we should get up. Got breakfast, went and bought everyone a new pair of sunglasses, then drove out to the Apache Trail. Not so far down the Apache Trail, Jason admitted maybe the mixture of breakfast and the Lemonade he was drinking was not a good combo, and with nothing really to gain by traversing the whole trail, we truned around and headed back. Stopped at Goldfield where we realized the ghostown now offers very little but weird knick-knacks, and a tour none of us really felt like taking. Drove on home where all of us fell asleep for about an hour and a half. We woke up, went and got some dinner at Abuelo's, then returned home where we watched Zoolander for the first time. THen stayed up watching the Teen Titans/ Star Wars: Clone Wars marathon on Cartoon Network.

Sunday woke up, went and got breakfast, returned home. Collected dog, took Mel to park, strapped GPS to Mel and collected data as he ran around park. Looking forward to seeing data from that debacle. Came home, watched Tenacious D video, took Jason for lunch and then off to airport.

I went to bed at 10:20 last night, very, very tired, and I'm not sure why I was so tired.

Few things of note:

Jason got me two very interesting albums. One is by The Shins, who had been recommended to me by a friend in Seattle. The other was by Wilco, who I have always enjoyed, I just never picked up their records.

Perhaps the oddest gift came in the mail on Friday. Jim and Randy pooled thier resources and picked me out a gift. Indeed, I am now the proud owner of the Saved By the Bell Seasons 1 & 2 gift-set. I haven't gotten in to the videos yet, but I shall. While, technically, the first Season of the show was NOT called Saved by the Bell, I believe the original episodes of Good Morning, Miss Bliss are included in the package as Season 1. This is Saved by the Bell prior to the change-up of casts which brought us Jessie Spano and Kelly Kapowski as well as Slater. Originally the series was intended to be a vehicle for Hayley Mills, but at some point, Mills decided not to continue with the series, and the show about a teacher and her class (a la Head of the Class) became a show about the students and their bumbling Principal.

It is also true that as a high schooler I watched the show mostly because of Jessie Spano, which originally ruled out the Miss Bliss episodes. But I became morbidly fascinated with a show which was to showcase a well-known talent but was successfully cannibalized when Ms. Mills left the program (not since The Hogan Family....).

Anyway, here's to Jim and Randy, my own Zack and Screech.

Friday, April 09, 2004

For those of you who dig porn and sometimes and may not hold the Attorney General up as a paragon of virtue... I present this link.

***this is the first time I believe I've linked off to something falling squarely in the X-rated category, so you're on your own.****
Holy cow... no, seriously... holy cow.

Check out the new Spider-Man trailer. This is going to be so much fun, my eyes hurt.

And as a side note, that professor in the trailer is Dr. Curt Connors (aka The Lizard) played by Dylan Baker. They seriously COULD NOT have cast that role better. Which means I have a feeling who the villain will be in Spider-Man 3, which is already in pre-production.

I will now hang my head in nerd-shame.

Thursday, April 08, 2004

I'm not even sure what to file this one under...

A little something we can all enjoy...

Who is the subservient chicken? (hint: his name ends with "im edman")

Here's a helpful list to help the chicken do your bidding.
I am sorry to report the loss of Zak Serafin, Jack Russell pup and friend to Leaguer Nathan Cone. Zak was buddy to Nathan, his wife and, of course, their family. Zak passed away Tuesday after battling cancer.

We at The League send our condolences and extend our sincerest sympathy.


Superman in May...
You're on your own on this one.
Sounds like Jim is humming along with the upcoming production of his script. He's involved at a producer-type level which will be a tremendous responsibility, but he gets all the perks of getting to cast people. This means people will have to stand before him, quaking in their boots, hoping to win his approval. Damn. I should have been a casting agent.

I am working on a picture for my brother. That's what he said he wants for his birthday. Unfortunately, I draw very, very slowly, and not terribly well. I will try to scan the pic and post it here when I am done.

I think Jim has finally accepted the fact that I did not send him the Dilbert cartoon. I am not sure what the implications of this will be, but I am not certain why he thought I would maintain such a ruse, either.

The President of my university will be giving an hour and half speech today in which he will be detailing major changes to the university's infrastructure. Every single warm body on campus will be affected in some way, some of us more than others. I am sure only a sentence or two out of the speech will resonate at my office, but it's good to know what's going on across campus, and to know how things shake out for us as a distance learning unit.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Holy shit. Somehow I just remembered that a week ago was the one year anniversary of The League of Melbotis. Curiously, it was in reading that Friday marks the fall of the Hussein regime that I was reminded of my own special little anniversary.

Current readers may not be aware, but The League almost didn't make it past the first week. In fact, I deleted old posts and planned to just go the way of the Dodo. However, Jim D. saved the day, and he somehow had archived all my old junk. Yeah, he's a stalker.

For those of you who wish to visit my first post which was NOT just a test, I will cut and paste below:

Greetings and welcome to the League of Melbotis weblog. For those of you NOT in the know, Melbotis is my dog. He's a good boy and he knows absolutely no tricks. Melbotis was not always my dog, he used to live with Jenny Perkins, so if I ever track her down, I have to give credit to her diligence in bringing up such a fine dog.

This weekend I was told to create a blog by Jim Tiberius Dedman of www.jdedman.com I suggest you check out the link. Usually it's a really good site, unless he doesn't update it, but he does that very regularly.

Jim's a good guy, and against my better judgement, I've known him for several years. Anyway, I think his intention was that I blog to create some sort of dialogue about political matters. That's fine. I'm not sure how many people want to hear my side, but it seems better than generating e-mail or trying to keep up with Jimbo on AIM. It turns out that Jim types faster than me.

I'm currently living in Chandler, Arizona, which is a bedroom community about 30-40 minutes from the airport, but still considered to be in the Phoenix metroplex. I'm more or less from Austin, Texas, and I miss Guero's and Rudy's like some folks might miss an arm or foot.

In order to entertain myself out here in the desert, I read a lot of Superman comics, watch Monster Garage, and try to keep the pets entertained. Lately, I've been watching the war footage and shrieking in horror. Bombs make me nervous, even bombs far, far away, so I've decided that today I will not venture into man's inhumanity to man as a topic. Thus, I will keep my comments about Scottsdale brief.

This weekend Jamie and I attended the Tempe Arts Festival.

Scottsdale is North of Tempe, but apparently not far enough away. It's a place where really hideous rich people go to freak out and buy cars bigger than mine, leaving me insanely jealous. The citizens of Scottsdale descend on things like the Tempe Arts Festival in terrible pastels and with strollers full of kids named "Austin" and "Tyler" and "Britney". Their purchasing power has created an environment where its apparently impossible to sell or show anything resembling art at the arts fair. I'm not one who believes in high or low art, but I'm pretty sure that putting sequins on a denim skirt to look like a kitty does not qualify as even the dumbest of folkart. Nothing made with a machine bought from RonCo counts as art. Patrick Nagel fans take heed.

In investigating the tents set up along the way, I discovered that all you need to do to participate in the Tempe Arts fest is to have $400 to rent out a space, get a tent, and procure some crappy faux-Native American art, like a clay bowl or something. There are other objects'd'arte (sp?), like cuh-razy pictures of dogs and cats, and Henna art for mommies who are trying to remember when they were crazy, pissed-off undergrads. Anyway, it was a bit of a letdown. And too many pan flutes. Far too many pan flutes.

The art fair made me wonder what all the millions of art majors are doing once they graduate from college. Are they all at these fairs hawking rusted copper yard ornaments in the shapes of kitties? I don't know where the art majors go, but I suspect they end up doing tech support at Dell. That's what I think us failed film majors are up to.

In the end, I did get a bag of cinammon roasted almonds, which made the trip actually not seem completely wasted.

Jamie (the little lady) and I took Melbotis to the park on Saturday. It was a fine time and we flew the Justice League kite I bought at the gas station for $2.50. Given the price I paid to see XXX, I think the $2,50 was a much better investment. Typical of Chandler, Tumbleweed Park is a sprawling grass something or other watered by sewage, an investment of millions of dollars, and completely devoid of any actual patrons. Well, this week there was a children's birthday party going down, but instead of using the acres and acres of grass and park, the parents had rented a moonbounce. All the kids out here rent moonbounces on their birthdays. Every Saturday there's one of these atrocities sticking up over somebody's cinder-block fence, accompanied by the shrill partying of seven year olds.

I do occasionally enjoy the punch drunk feeling of thirty minutes in the Arizona sunshine. I miss Central Texas sunshine more, but Arizona does have a few good things. Anyway, the park is a good thing, and I secretly hope nobody ever finds it. Melbotis and I like it a lot. We hope to spend many more Saturdays there before people come in and ruin our public park. My goal now is to teach Mel to carry the ball all the way back to the car by himself.

No political commentary here, per se. Maybe next time. Anyway, I hope this is okay.


My, how far we have come. Okay, maybe not. But it's fun to look back and realize the past year of my life has been a stale, boring mess.

God bless the web.
My childhood may officially have an ending date.

Lucasfilm announced the release date for the final Star Wars movie. It is to be May 19th, 2005. 6 years from the release date for Episode 1, Episode 3 will complete the 6 film cycle, wrapping up a narrative which has implications well beyond the confines fo the screen.

Whether Lucas will continue with another trilogy seems unlikely, but it could happen. I am certain he has planned out the fates of Chewbacca and Salacious Crumb in minute detail.

After a lifetime of fanhood, I officially gave up on Star Wars with Episode II, so maybe May of 2002 was really when it all went downhill (which also corresponded with my move to Arizona, btw...). I will certainly go see Episode III so I can get some closure, but the likelihood of me attending the midnight show, waking up and returning for the 9:00am show seems fairly low. Yes, I did this for Episode II. No, it was not a good idea. Yes, the afternoon at work passed with no small amount of hilarity as I was working on 3 hours of sleep.

Things I will not do:

1) I will not buy the DVD set of Star Wars until it contains the original movies, and not the remade, goofier versions
2) I will not dress up, nor coerce my wife to dress up for the film's premier.
3) I will not buy any toys of vehicles from Star Wars III, no matter how sorely I am tempted.
4) I will never put the word Jar twice in a row again.

Anyway, we have a countdown to disappointment.
Things of note:

1) Jim is still under the impression I sent him the Dilbert cartoon. I do not know why. I guess it's like most conspiracy theories... I can't prove I DIDN'T send him the cartoon, so he is fairly certain that i must have purchased and sent the cartoon. If only Mystery, Incorporated would resolve the situation.

2) Randy has sent me a disk of Teen Titan episodes ripped from his TIVO. I have notyet watched the cartoons, but given it's American Idol Results show tonight, I may well get my chance.

3) I suppose as a bizarre thank-you for the cartoon I did not send him, Jim located and sent me a copy of the 1989 album by They Eat Their Own, a short-lived college rock act I once enjoyed in high school. Thanks to Jim for locating and sending this rare item of college-rock's crippled past.

4) My parents actually sent a present this year for my birthday. It's not that they don't usually send a present... it's that they usually send a shirt and pants which I then exchange. This year my parents sent the Season 3 box-set of Futurama and the new David Byrne album. I am in no small way shocked. Also, I now have seasons 1 and 3 of Futurama, but I do not have Season 2. My life is now a meaningless void.

5) Daylight savings time is for suckers. Viva la Arizona! We don't need no stinking Daylight Savings Time.

6) I mentioned to my co-workers yesterday over a causal lunch that I was a little down on myself because I used to work to live, not live to work, and I feel like that's no longer true. For some reason this seemed to anger one of my co-workers. Which is weird in a state job. Anyway, it's not that I don't try to do a good job, but it's that this isn't exactly my life's passion, you know?

7) People continue to believe Jamie is 18 or 19. I must look liek a dirty old man, because people here think I'm somewhere in my mid to late 30's. I personally think that's awesome.

8) I am in a campaign to convince my pregnant pal that she should name her kid "Ryan 2". I think I am slowly wearing her down. it's a good name, though, isn't it?

9) I am thinking, once again, of a new dog. I have been campaigning for a thoroughbred, possibly a Great Dane. I do not know if that will happen. I am also fond of dogs intended for hunting, like labradors. Mel needs a buddy.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

Oh my God. Comic fans... read into the first paragraph...

they're going to try to do Watchmen...
Disney news regarding the company's plans for animation on CNN.com
I spent yesterday at home. I woke up at 6:00 feeling a bit as if zombies had, in fact, eaten my brain. I suspect I am developing an allergy to something out here in the desert, but I don't know if that was what caused me to feel so abysmal. At any rate, I fell asleep again with a pair of socks in my hand and didn't bother going into work (since I think I've only taken one or two previous sick days since I arrived).

Last night I caught the second half of a Justice League episode I had somehow missed before. It ws entitled "The Secret Society", and was really pretty darn good. I can't believe I had missed it before. Anyway, if you see this episode running on TV, it's worth tuning in for (of course, if you are a luddite without digital cable, I can only pity you... for you shall probably not know that epsiode is coming on).

Jerry Seinfeld took the couch on The Daily Show discussing his webisodes on the Amex site. How cool is it that Jerry is still popular enough he gets invited on talk shows to discuss commericals he's made. During the Superman related discussion, I was impressed that John Stewart did drop a mention of the nefarious General Zod (a villain we at League HQ boo and hiss quite frequently).

Anyway, today I feel fine and I'm back in the saddle. Up, up and away.

Monday, April 05, 2004

***update***

I couldn't sleep last night and was watching the Leonard Maltin show, Hot Ticket (sort of a poor man's Ebert and Roper).

I actually stopped to watch because the co-host, Joyce Kulhawik, was screeching about Hellboy (and was kind of a cow about Maltin giving it a "Hot" rating). Anyway, I've long believed Joyce was an idiot, and Maltin isn't much better. Nonetheless, due to Joyce's cow-bearing, I stopped to watch her meltdown.

So I shouldn't have been too shocked when Joyce practically wet herself when given an opportunity to discuss "Home on the Range". What surprised me was that Maltin, who is a recognized authority on the history of animation, was just as bubbly about the movie. Apparently, none of what bothered me registered with these two. So, apparently, Leaguers... Jamie and I are alone in our disdain for "Home on the Range."
So I did nothing I planned to do this weekend. I did a lot of stuff I wasn't really interested in, and took care of some household chores. This is all peachy. The brother comes to town next weekend. That should be a virtual festival of fun.

At any rate, I had planned to go to the Phoenix Comic Convention which was being held in Glendale this weekend. Friday night, I realized teh convention only ran on Sunday, and on Saturday night I found out the convention only ran from 9-3, and it would take at least an hour to get there. That, and the web-site was pretty spotty as to what one could expect. So I just didn't go. I remember the comic conventions Austin had when I was a kid, where they rented a ballroom at the Holiday Inn and Comic Book John gave away comics and the Star Trek geeks showed up in full regalia... which is fine... but I just didn't have the energy for it today. I think one day I'll try the San Diego ComicCon, but until that time...

With little else to do (except for homework, which I am continuing to avoid), and realizing I had only left the house in search of burritos this weekend, I decided I wanted to see a movie. And there's a lot out. I could have seen the movie which has all the film geeks salivating (Spotless Mind), or the new horror/ thriller (Dawn of the Dead), or even a white-trash remake of a white-trash classic (Walking Tall). No, not me. I decided I was going to see Disney's final 2-D animated film "Home on the Range", starring the voices of Rosanne Barr and Judi Dench.

Whatever the trailers would leave you to believe, Disney's final foray into traditionally animated splendor was a formulaic, nigh-unwatchable reminder of why Roy Disney would like to see Eisner's head on a pike. In a scene which just SHOULD NOT happen after a Disney movie, while walking out of the theater, Jamie mentioned that about five to ten minutes into the movie, she had an overwhelming desire to leave. She said she just couldn't take it anymore. And I knew EXACLTY what she was talking about. (Keep in mind, Jamie usually forgives a lot in an animated feature).

I think it does say something for the rest of the movie that follows the initial, horrendous opening sequence, that we stuck it out, and actually laughed a bit in the last half of the movie.

Home on the Range follows the adventure of three cows who might lose their supposedly vegan farm due to unpaid loans, and so the cows go off to catch a cattle rustler for the posted bounty (the sum of which is exactly what is owed to the bank). After many challenges, they catch the rustler and the farm is saved. Hurray.

Now, no one is complaining that the children's cartoon had a happy ending. Being cynical about happy endings in a Disney movie is more than a little redundant, and a little disingenuous. The problems go beyond the typically harmless script, and resonate more from the weird Modern Quirks of Disney films.

Since Aladdin, Disney has tried to do two things: 1) cast voice talent who can be recognized as stars 2) quick cut to match the "wacky" name voice talent. Now, this worked in Aladdin because 1) the star was Robin Williams, and not, say... Roseanne Barr, who was top of the A-List when he recorded Aladdin, and 2) William's rapid-fire delivery REQUIRED the quick cutting in order to match his reportedly unscripted comedic freestyling. Now the quick cutting ALSO worked because it went against the grain of the rest of the movie and was very much a magical genie breaking the fourth wall.

Ever since Aladdin, the Modern Quirks of Disney Films have assailed audiences. We've all suffered through name actor after name actor hamming it up. Which... come on... was never necessary for a successful Disney film. Nobody wondered why Mickey Rooney didn't voice Bambi when that film was released.

The insertion, post-Genie, of non-stop wisecracks voiced by big name talent (the Eddie-Murphy dragon in Mulan, anyone?)has also led to the continuation of the Genie's fourth-wall breaking talent. Today, we are left with cows in 19th century America referring to other barn-yard animals as "the frozen food section." Yeah, nobody laughed in the theater, either.

The animation on this film was good, if not exceptional, and I would even say the music was passable, sung by some big-name country stars. The tunes were very much by Alan Menken. The film's songs were extraneous, and, frankly, didn't move the story too much (except for one cute Yodel, which made me miss Don Walser). Also, the songs didn't quite screech the movie to a halt the way they did when Pocahontas shook the rafters with her Broadway ready voice, or, even the half-assed songs from Mulan (although those movies look to be twice as expensive and certainly were both much more visually impressive).

Simply put, the movie has an almost jarring uneven-ness to it, exemplified by a patch toward the end which almost seemed to indicate that we had lost some vital character development points on the cutting room floor (you know, those little quirks and lessons we learn about characters which seem so extraneous at the time...). One cannot shake the feeling the executives at Disney were in this movie up their eyeballs. Further examples of Modern Quirks for a Disney Movie:

1) When Roseanne Barr cow makes an entrance... the wailing metal guitar to show she not only will not fit in, she's BRASSY

2) Baby animals that say "awesome" in a stretched out way kids never really do... like "awwwwesome!"

3) Lots of Kung-Fu. I'm not sure why the farm animal movie had so much Kung-Fu, but it did. The horse was constantly (and some might say, annoyingly) breaking out into karate stances intended to be cute. Ultimately and incongruously, one of the cows pulls a sort of Matrix at the end.

4) Farm animals saying things like "this town rocks!" while sort of shoving their fist in the air.

Kids, it's the effect we call Poochie-ization. And I think you know what I'm talking about. Just imagine Cinderella with EXTREME mice skateboarding all over the castle, or Snow White with the EXTREME dwarf. Something is up at Disney, and I think it's called Lowest-Common Denominator.

That said, one of the great things about modern Disney movies is that writers, artists and sound technicians get bored. I spoke with one Disney artist who spent 6 months on a 12 second sequence in Mulan that I had to admit to him I didn't remember. 6 months of looking at the same 12 seconds of footage will drive you insane, and this has led to some great moments, from a panti-less Jessica Rabbit, to the Little Mermaid's Priest getting excited to see her, to Aladdin suggesting Jasmine take off her clothes (I can confirm having seen and/ or heard all of these).

This movie had at least two key moments, and a few more I wish I could now remember, in which inspired genius was allowed to shine ever so briefly. 1) in a barnyard scene where the animals are kind of dancing, the duck is reportedly doing "the Elaine dance". I will admit, the duck's dance only pinged on my radar as "what is the duck doing?" Jamie was the one who was able to identify the actual dance. 2) One of the characters, Rico, is able to spout the line "Is this how Rico ends?" just before getting his comeuppance. I was rolling. Nobody else even chuckled. (I just remembered one more... there's a new age cow, see... and, anyway, the pig mentions how she is going to make all of them "winners". I thought it was really funny in a Tony Robbins sort of way).

All in all, "Home on the Range" is an indication of the strife going on within the studio gates at Disney. It is not often a company abandons that which made them great to begin with, and this movie leaves little mystery as to why Roy Disney is heartbroken to see his family legacy being gutted. I can only imagine what it must be like to know Uncle Walt left you with the company, and then seeing the company turning to countless hours of "The Bachelor" and neglecting the animated tradition, while whoring the past in dozens of straight-to-video knock-offs of the movies which the company once held dear. When Disney decided a new feature would be released each summer, and cheap video sequels were acceptable, one could tell that it had gone beyond a profit model and had moved into plundering (Disney once had strict rules and regulations protecting each film as a property, which the video market and "sequel" franchise has fairly much followed the letter of the law while stomping on the spirit.).

All the more painful for Roy, after suffering through the doldrums of the post-60's animation era, Disney re-conquered family entertainment with The Little Mermaid and set a new mark for what was possible in an animated feature, going well beyond just the technical (do not forget Beauty and the Beast was nominated for Best Picture). As a last gasp of the traditional animation department, Home on the Range feels less like a movie, and more like a series of safe business decisions strung together in order to pick up rentals and video sales.

At some point Eisner will either retire, be let go, or drop dead in the Disney offices. At this point, new leadership will take over. And one has a hard time imagining new leadership who can't remember why Disney was special to them as a child. Not because they grossed the most, or were fastest at turning out straight-to-video sequels... but because Disney films used to be an event. Since November alone we've witnessed the release of two Disney animated features. I bet dollars to doughnuts, you're hard-pressed to name the non-cow related film.

Friday, April 02, 2004

It's remarkable how fast you can turn from America's Missing Angel into "that psycho who kidnapped herself."
I know you don't care, but it's raining here. That's a big deal. I can even hear the unusual sound of wet tires on wet pavement. Again... unusual here.

My two successful April Fool's pranks:

1) convinced Jamie my mom was coming out here for three weeks to recuperate from her back surgery.
2) convinced co-worker Juli I was moving to Houston, and the 8th was my last day.

all in all, hollow victories, but for a brief moment, I felt like a genius.

Anyway, I woke up at 4:15 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep, so at 5:00, I decided just to go to work. I got here, even with a stop-off at Starbuck's (fuck you, we don't have any independent coffee shops here) before 6:30. I will probably do my usual thing and be here until 6:00. I miss comp time. My job, by definition, does not receive comp time. Just a load of vacation I can never use.

I would actually like to go to Monument Valley this year. I may take a few days off and go see the blasted thing. It's only a day's drive away, and I can probably see the Grand Canyon on my return trip. jamie seems to like rocks, and I want to see where The Searchers and Stagecoach were shot. I'd also like to see where Claudia Cardinale once stood (making the valley SEXY) during filming of Once Upon a Time in the West, but I suppose she isn't still there hanging about.

Anyway, Monument Valley is at least partially in Arizona, so I'd be a sucker not to go.
Most people know that Superman's one true vulnerability is Kryptonite. But many people may not know that Kryptonite does not just come in your standard green. Kryptonite comes in all sorts of diffferent colors, each having a profoundly different effect upon the Man of Steel.

For a quick recap of the various types of Kryptonite and a brief description of their effect, you can click here.

Thanks to Randy who forwarded me this updated list.

10> Burgundy Kryptonite: Goes really well with Kryptonian beef.

9> Barry White Kryptonite: Changes Supes' voice to a deep,
sultry, seductive tone.

8> Titanium Kryptonite: Drops three strokes off your golf game!

7> Elevated Orange Kryptonite: Makes Superman panicky and
paranoid even though there's nothing remotely dangerous going
on around him.

6> Magenta Kryptonite: Turns Superman into a sweet transvestite.

5> Burnt Sienna Kryptonite: No effect, just a chance for the
colorist to *finally* use that crayon.

4> Red, White and Blue Kryptonite: Causes Superman to violate
essential civil liberties in well-meaning but misguided
attempt to fight terrorism.

3> Ecru Kryptonite: Just like White Kryptonite, but only
Supergirl and Lois Lane can tell the difference.

2> Chartreuse Kryptonite: Turns Superman into the only male on
the planet who knows what the color "chartreuse" looks like.


1> Chromium Kryptonite: Seals the victim in a polyurethane bag
along with a limited edition collector's card. May also cause
unexpected hair growth, new costumes, multiple spin-offs
and/or temporary death.

Thursday, April 01, 2004

Okay. Here's the deal. The post below was meant as my April Fool's misdirect, but it's not funny. I just don't have time to be funny today.

BTW, Jim still thinks I sent him the Dilbert cartoon (which i did not). Someone should fess up, because Jim's calling me now and trying to get me to take responsibility for it.
I know I should post today, but something I would rather not talk about has occurred, and I don't really have time nor the patience.

Wednesday, March 31, 2004

It turns out I just really do not like Bleu Cheese. I just was unable to eat my lunch which had bleu cheese on it. Then the waiter never came back so I could find a peaceful resolution. All in all, a bad lunchtime experience.
New case for my brother?

THis shall launch my new feature: Thanks, Science!

New study about Man's Best Friend.

So, if you want a good idea of what your blogger here looks like when seen with the wife:


Oh, and in case you missed it here... Warner Bros. is making a new Batman movie. And, as such... here's the new Batmobile. The guys from ELF are gonna hate it, but it's a cool movie prop at any rate.

I had heard that part of the idea behind the new movie was that Batman was using technology that looked like usable technology... not suspending his plane from the top of the cave and driving around with cars with huge, pointless fins. While I was secretly hoping for the classic 1940'-50's era Batmobile in one form or another, this Batmobile gets the League of Melbotis seal of approval.
REEVES STARS IN SCANNER
BY DF NEWS

Keanu Reeves will star in A Scanner Darkly, based on a Philip K. Dick novel, for Warner Independent Pictures, Variety reported. Richard Linklater (School of Rock) is in talks to direct, the trade paper reported. George Clooney and Steven Soderbergh's Section 8 will produce.

A Scanner Darkly will employ the same technology Linklater used in Waking Life: It will be shot live-action, then animated, the trade paper reported.

The story takes place in the future, where undercover agents change their faces along with their identities. Reeves plays one such officer, and his liberal ingestion of the drug Substance D causes him to develop a split personality, the trade paper reported
.

Now the news source is not one I know to be reliable or unreliable as it's really a comics collectibles outlet. However, they have no real reason to make this up, so I'll take it that this idea is, at least, being batted around. Now I dug this book big time. Very good book. And I don't think too many bad thoughts about Kneau. I'm much more concerned about Linklater who is not my favorite director (although he is also the only director I ever met, and he's done more for Austin film than any herd of bespectacled film nerds could ever hope to achieve). Well, you know what? Life is full of surprises. Maybe this will turn out great.

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Note to my brother who seems to mostly keep up with me these days by reading this blog.

1) Star Trek 1 rules. God bless AMC for running it continually for the past week.

2) We are going to see Hellboy when you are here in a week. Keep your shorts on. Tell Wilson he can take Mandy or something. We are going to see Hellboy. That's your penance for the XXX debacle of Auguts 2002.

Now back to you other Leaguers.

1) jamie doesn't like the Stooges. Not the band. The three guys who poke each other in the eye. How can you not find that funny?

2) People now want to take my albums off my hands. I am plan to begin describing things in my house I no longer want and turn The League into a sort of virtual garage sale without turning this into e-bay.

3) I have this old lawnmower rusting behind the house. It probably still works, but I bought an electric mower. Boy... it sure would be great if I could get rid of it...

4) Hellboy. This critic on CNN freaking loved this movie. Wow. The trailers look like MIB III, so I was skeptical, but now I want to see this movie.

Truthfully, I never read the Mignola written/ drawn comic despite my enjoyment of some of his work for DC (hurray Cosmic Odyssey!) I have, I think, one or two issues, but I just never really picked it up. But, holy moley... this is a good review. I am in.

I guess I could have guessed. I like ROn Perlman, and the director (del Toro) did Blade II, which I enjoyed. In fact, I remember turning to Jason, my brother, after Blade II and saying "wow. That was the most like a comic turned to screen as I've ever seen!" And here we are. So I will be seeing Hellboy. Maybe they'll get that del Toro chap to direct Superman.

I can dream, can't I?
check out Superman, Seinfeld and Lauer over at the NBC site.

Click here for video

Check it out. My Jimmy Olsen like photographic skills landed my work in Wired.com.

Actually, I took these while working on a video for the School. And I only took the two of the guy in the wheelchair (who is freaking hilarious, i might add).

So go check out Wired and see what research we're up to at my employing university. And I'm glad they showed Panch. Panch kicks ass, even if he does introduce me as my boss from time to time.

I never buy new albums. By that, I mean, I rarely buy albums from new bands with which I have heard very little, but, based upon the strength of their single, I will try the whole album.

Twice in the past three weeks I have done this. And twice, I have been f**ked.

After reading Maxwell's post on the Yeah Yeah Yeah's (which in no way really endorsed the Yeah Yeah Yeahs), and after having had heard the single a few times, and after having noticed the album was $8.99 at Target last time I was there, I decided to pick up the record.

Not good. While it does do what I kept telling Jamie (this sounds like something I would have listend to in high school!), it does not necessarily do it in a good way. I was actually reminded of the "They Eat Their Own" debacle of 1989/ 1990. I purchased it on the strength of the song "Like a Drug", which was catchy. The rest of the album... not so much. And I am sure I had paid at least $8.99 for that album as well. At any rate, just download that single you keep hearing from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. it's still a good tune. It just happens to not sound too much like anything else on the record.

(And let me stop here and now and ask how many folks returned the Smash Mouth album in 1996? I know you did, because I was the one at the record store who had to explain to you that we are not responsible for your musical choices, so if you bought it and didn't like it, that's your problem. Yes, i know the entire rest of the album in pretty much stupid LA-metal, but I hoped you knew that before dropping $16.99.)

I can't really tell you what to do if you had high hopes for the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Really, most of the record sounds like the kind of stuff you used to occasionally hear coming out of clubs on 6th street that you would wisely pass on by.

The other album I bought because Amazon.com kept telling me to. "Buy the Strokes, fool!" Amazon.com challenged. "Okay," I answered, "That single is okay. But I'm buying it at Best Buy and cutting you out of the deal!" "Bastard!" Amazon replied.

The Strokes is really pretty boring. I listend to it once at home, once on my way into work, and then lost it under the seat of my car where it will remain collecting dust and car lint until I clean my car again.

THis happens about once every year, and it puts me off buying any new music for a while. The worst part is, I normally wouldn't have picked up either record, assuming their approval by major retailers was enough of a warning sign. But sometimes you ignore that little voice in your head and say "hey, this could be fun!" And then you get f**ked. So, you know, listen to the voices in your head, I guess.

I can say I've enjoyed both of The Walkmen's records. They might be worth checking out. I notice on their website they seem to be opening for The Strokes in a few US cities. Interesting choice since my feeling was that both the Strokes and The Walkmen had a similar vibe, only The Walkmen do it so much better.

Fuck it. I'm going to go buy some Engelbert Humperdink and Chuck Mangione.

Monday, March 29, 2004

Sadly, I have denied myself Jim's TIVO clarion call and so I will miss Superman v. Lauer tomorrow morning.

From Newsarama.com

The day after the shorts went live at www.americanexpress.com/jerry , the Jerry Seinfeld/Superman friendship is slated to get a boost thanks to NBC’s Today show.

According to the show’s website, excerpts from the two Internet shorts are due to be shown, while NBC is currently airing promos for tomorrow’s show featuring Superman himself as an on-air guest.

Reportedly, the Superman/Seinfeld segment will be shown in the 8:00 – 8:30 am half hour slot.


If anyone sees this, let me know how Superman does as a guest.
All new web-isodes of Jerry Seinfeld and Superman! Sure, it's an American Express ad, but it's still pretty good.

Click to view. And get Flash if you don't have it. Flash the media tool, not the super-fast super hero.
I am in no way snickering at this story or these people. The story just has such a shadow of Andrea Yates, also a Texas mother/ murderer, it's very odd.

Jamie asked me yesterday "is it just me, or is the whole fo'shizzle thing already going away?"

I suggested that, perhaps, we were late on this one to begin with, and like with most trends, since we are no longer 19-24, we will be the last to hear about it. Most likely, we agreed, we had caught the fo'shizzle on it's way out.

I seem to remember the Fo'Shizzle a few years ago, but it's a vague memory, and I can't really tie it to anything. That, and the folks in our respective offices are unlikely to employ the shizzle in casual conversation, so the shizzle has not received a lot of reinforcement.

Like any fad, it's going to have a life cycle. You do not hear people dropping "jive turkey" or "turkey" anymore (a phrase my parents outlawed in my house when I was young, which I found confusing). I still pepper my own speech with the phraseology of my upbringing. "Dude" and "man" still punctuate about half my sentences. "Totally", "rad", "schweeet!", "whoa" and a few choice others pop up. But around the office, my speech pattern is significantly different than what it was when I began here. Upon my arrival, I was used to the casual atmosphere prevelant at UT. The F-Bomb is certainly not welcome. Unless I really, really need to make a point.

In other news, Jamie's birthday went more or less as planned. I felt bad that Wagner had so little to do here, but there is so little to do here. Or, at least, we're in such a rut, we don't really seek out a lot of what there is to do, and are therefore ignorant of what Phoenix has to offer.

All in all, it was nice, and it was good to see Wagner. She went Vegan some time back, and that made some of our dining choices more challenging than others, but all in all, not too difficult to deal with.

I bought two pictures at the Tempe art fair this weekend. Both pics were camp/retro stuff by this California artist. Anyway, I saw the guy's stuff on Friday when I was out and about looking for Churros at the art fair, and I picked up a print of a painting he had done of Siegel-era Superman. I thought Jamie would love the stuff, and so I was insistent on bringing her back on Saturday.

Jamie is a tough one to figure out. THe only two pictures she's ever gotten excited over were 1) a print of an orange squid, and 2) a map of Middle-Earth. I'm not really clear on what, exactly, Jamie is looking for, but it wasn't what De la Nuez had to offer. She kind of nodded and said "that's nice." And then started looking around for almonds.

We aren't always going to jive, but we've been together for 8.5 years, and I still have trouble figuring out what makes her tick. Then again, it could have something to do with Jamie's seeming desire to undecorate, or, rather, to keep more of a spartan look to things. I've often written that off to laziness, but the reality is, Jamie prefers an ascetic sort of thing, and I prefer more of a jumble of stuff on my walls, floors, ceiling, etc... She's patient, she is.