Leaguers, I would be remiss in my duties if I didn't plug Free Comic Book Day.

Free Comic Book Day (FCBD) is an annual event held by many comic shops across the country, and supported by comic book publishers, both large and small. Essentially, it is what it sounds like... kind of.

The publishers select a few titles from among their imprint. Usually these items will be one from each of their various demographics. For example, DC might print up a free Justice League Adventures comic based upon the cartoon series for younger kids. Teenagers might get Superman or Batman. 17 and up might get a Vertigo book, like Y: The Last Man.

I think DC is actually doing a Teen Titans, Go! free comic. I hear the Go! comic is actually pretty good.

Anyway, the point is, as long as you take one of each, the comics are FREE. Now, with all the different publishers participating, it turns into an event where you can walk out the door with about 10-15 free comics. Not bad. That's about $25 - 45 dollars worth of stuff.

The idea, of course, is for retailers to also vacuum their store for once already, and put up some cool displays of items folks might want to buy. And in the two years they've done FCBD, many shops have done okay with it. There were so many people, the event sort of had a carnival like atmosphere where I went. Of course, both times I happened to be at Austin Books on Lamar in Austin, which is an amazing comic shop.

So keep FCBD in mind as something to do on Saturday in two weeks. Heck, it's on July 4th weekend (FCBD = July 3rd), so it's just something fun to do after you've seen Spider-Man 2 and aren't quite ready to go out and Bar BQ.

And, Maxwell... NYC has some of the best shops in the country, and may have signings from big-name talent as the big-name talent gravitates mostly toward NYC. Or used. If you see Pual Levitz, give him my name. I command you to go to Midtown Comics and see what's going down.

Thanks to Randy for reminding me to say something about this day, which I assume will soon become a National Holiday... like Christmas or Arbor Day.

The League does not speak Spanish.

Two years of public education Spanish and one day of college Spanish (I dropped out the first day as the teacher ONLY would speak in Spanish... and I had nooooo idea what was going on), and to this day, at best, I can read signs and occasionally make out some very basic Spanish if I read it.

I briefly began to learn Spanish in 1994 when I did not have cable and the only station I could tune in was Univision. My roommates and I became swept up in some Telenovella, and after a few days, you do begin to pick up on a few things. Not much, but some stuff. Somehow the female stars of Univision were keeping us from wanting to (a) turn off the TV, or (b) get English channels.

Alas, someone went and bought a coaxial cable, English-language TV returned to our life, and the dream of becoming bilingual came to an end.

I also took a semester and a half of Italian. I was flunking Italian part 2 and had to drop. So, my last refuge was Danish, which is pretty much just drunken English. I got through it with a C and a B.

I can now proposition someone in the filthiest manner, order someone to shove something up their ass, and order a cup of coffee. Aside from that, my Danish is now a distant memory.

But last night I was flipping channels, and on Galavision (apparently a subsidiary of Univision, but for our purposes, a Spanish language TV channel), I saw the coolest thing ever.

I have no idea which program I was watching, but the show was a multitude of actors, all in weird make-up, with strings tied to their heads, re-enacting Thunderbirds.

For those of you not in the know, Thunderbirds was a television program starring a cast of marrionettes who were kind of a crack action-adventure team. There was usually a nefarious plot by a mad scientist, and the Thunderbirds would have to get in their very cool vehicles and race to the rescue. The puppetry in the show was about as good as you're going to expect out of marrionettes, I guess. Their mouths moved, their eyes rolled, but the whole feel of the show was kind of slow and weird. And they also had no problem intersplicing in close-up shots of real hands if they needed to show any sort of manual activity, such as opening a can, or playing with a Rubik's cube or whatever.

The coolest thing about the Galavision version was that the characters were humans, but the actors and director had committed to the Thunderbirds style. All of the actors had learned the walk (a sort of slow, bouncing motion as you go from point A to point B), knew that you never turn your head (you turn your whole body), and to speak, you only move your lower lip in a quick flapping motion. Also key, but slightly more subtle, you MUST walk everywhere with your arms either straight at your side, or bent 90 degrees at the elbow.

I have no idea why I find this so fascinating, but the fact that they were willing to re-make Thunderbirds as a live-action TV show, including all details right up to the strings coming out of the actor's heads, is just not the sort of thing you get on English speaking TV too often.

Curiously, Thunderbirds is being turned into a live action film in english, and directed by Star Trek's Jonathan Frakes. I have no idea why this is being funded, or how it can benefit from becoming a live-action movie, versus puppets.

Producer: So then I thought we'd have Tom Cruise play John Tracy!
Screen Writer: Yeah, he's got a good voice.
Producer: Voice?
Screen Writer: Yeah. THis is Thunderbirds.
Producer: Right! And it's going to have Tom Cruise in it!
Screen Writer: As the voice of John Tracy? Sounds good.
Producer: What the hell are you talking about?
Screen Writer: Thunderbirds is a licensed property. It's a puppet show. This script is for a puppet show.
Producer: Nobody is going to pay to watch puppets for 90 f**king minutes. SHit! Who else knows about this Thunderbirds show?
Screen Writer: Well, it's been in syndication on and off since the 60's...
Producer: Shit! I just spent $200,000 optioning this f**king puppet show! I can't spend $80 million on a f**king 90 minute puppet show! I wanted f**king Tom Cruise!

Randy steps up to the plate with another Super Rumor.

Can the WB actually put out a movie which respects it's franchise characters? Can they actually learn a thing from the multi-billion dollar success of Spider-Man?

If Catwoman is any evidence... Probably not.

I hope the rumor is true. The sooner they just make the darn movie, the sooner the pain will end. Right now it's like waiting to get hospital tape taken off.

SUPER thanks go out to JimD who provided this link.

The much hoped for arrival of Lois Lane on Smallville is now a reality. WHOO-HOOOOO!!!

Let's hope they cast her well. She's not only a fave-rave of The League, but she's possibly one of the four or five most important comic book characters of all time.

In lieu of creating any actual content, I've been editing and adding stuff like hyperlinks.

Go ahead and browse my blogroll down left, see if I don't have anybody listed that I probably should, and note the increase in fun and affordable links to other sites.

Special thanks to

www.jdedman.com , www.cowgirlfunk.com and www.michaelscaljon.com for plugging The 2004 Mellies.

Also, thanks to Jamie and Jill for actually submitting nominations.

No thanks to Randy, who has now gone into a huff and refuses to send in any nominations.

He will be taunted relentlessly in these pages until I get a nomination.

Nonetheless, he did send this bit today. The world gets odder and odder.

Will W be famous for saying America has fallen into a mayonnaise?

I don't even know what to say.

This should be a terrifically funny story, but it's not. It's scary.

Read here about The Swarm.

Some links to help you waste a few precious minutes of your miserable existence:

Titanic (re-enacted by bunnies in 30 seconds). Thanks to Randy for the link.

Best (free) online video game, ever. Thanks to Jamie for the link. (this is sort of the video game equivalent of the average student film...)

Introducing the "So Far, So What?" Awards

AKA: THE MELLIES

Leaguers, every year in late December or early January, better bloggers and publications than The League publish an end of the year re-cap of the year's entertainment, news, deaths, etc... It's usually done up in a "top five" or "top ten" list of the year. Or else just a "single best of the year" award for multiple categories.

Others publish stories on how stupid these lists are. Others publish relatiatory articles saying "nuh uh! It ain't stupid!" Too which, the first guy says "Oh, yeah it is!"

And it all ends in tears.

The truth is, everyone does much better lists than I'd ever compile, and since we're slightly more than half-way done with 2004, let's see where we're at.

The League is looking for submissions for "The 2004 Mellies."

Here's the rules for nominations:

1) All entries must contain a few words as to why your selection tops the category
2) No more than two selections per category per person.
3) Out of all entries, four will be selected for voting.
4) The nominated selections are selected by a complicated algorithm based upon number of repeat nominations and how funny the reasons are
5) Nominating ends June 30th.
6) Then we vote
7) We must submit a minimum of one nomination per category, or you may not nominate at all. Special Randy Rule: You may not complain that you don't know. Make something up if you have to.
8) Try to stick to things which were released or occurred since January 1, 2004. Try not to project into the future for things you have not yet seen or experienced.
9) Any reasons for any nominations you give may see print. Be sure you want your first name associated with your opinion before you start dropping the f-bomb all over the place.

Categories:

1) Most loathsome celebrity (non-political)
2) Most loathsome television program
3) Most loathsome movie (theatrical release)
4) Most loathsome band/album/ song
5) Worst idea of the past 6 months
6) Best television commercial
7) Clearest, bluest day
8) Best candy
9) Least tragic event.
10) Worst blog topic at "League of Melbotis."
11) Best name for Jill's forthcoming child (sex is unknown. Submit one for each!)
12) Best item at Taco Bell
13) Most loathsome Democratic presidential nominee
14) Best book you read
15) Other blogs of wonder
16) Which former POTUS (President of the United States) do you know least about, but want to know more?


Sure, it's an unweildy list of categories, but I know you guys are up to it. Submit your nominations to me via e-mail. In early July, I'll post the voting and we can get cracking.

Sadly, there are no prizes for anybody this go round. Prizes are a huge hassle.

TOYS THAT SHOULD NOT BE

New Leaguers may not be familiar with what was once a staple of The League, and that's Toys That Should Not Be. TTSNB relies strongly on the adult collector market for toys, and is usually much more prevalent during Comic Convention Season as the toys are unveiled.

Now the problem I've had with TTSNB is that pretty much anything MacFarlane TOys puts out these days falls into this category. MacFarlane went from creating action toys of the popular Image Comics characters such as Spawn and... uh... I'm sure they've had other popular characters. But then they started this licensing jazz where they did very nice sculpts of movie properties, such as Hellraiser. And then they got bored as too few licenses were available or something, and they've moved into either public domain territory (ie: their horrific Wizard of Oz figures), and now into actual horror stories. Oh, and sports stars. They have a cool Yao figure I saw, but you have to assemble him as he's literally too tall for the packaging.

Which brings us to the curious case of the Elizabeth Bathory action figure. For those of you not in the know, Elizabeth Bathory was an Eastern European aristocrat who decided the best way to preserve her beauty was by bathing in a bathtub of the blood of young women (I'm not sure if they had to be virgins or not). At any rate, it is, in fact, a true story. And I kind of want to barf just thinking about it.

But MacFarlane toys not only thinks this is a neat story, they think you need this on the shelf next to your Chewbacca.

TTSNB proudly presents (oh, this is rated R, so scram out of here, you hooligans) the Elizabeth Bathory Action Figure and play set.

You can also see more real life horrors turned to action figures here. Note the "accessory pack". And the "Billy the Kid" action figure, while looking NOTHING like photos of the real deal, is one hell of a cool looking figure.

bored to my toes, I blogged quite a bit over the weekend. Please inundate yourself with my boring reflections.

My abs hurt. Seriously. The gym is slowly killing me. I don't think my abs have hurt in years.

I am Ryan's abs.

Jim D., quite rightly, accuses me of relishing in schadenfreude in his un-review of Garfield: The Movie.

It's not that I like to see bad things happen to good people. It's that I enjoy seeing unfortunate things happen to people I like, especially when all that's at stake is cost of a ticket and the loss of two hours. It reminds me that it isn't just me.

Anyway, regarding Garfield...

I welcome Loyal Leaguers to read past my inane ramblings on pop-phraseology and get to the meat as Randy Reviews Garfield: The Movie. From what I hear, despite some bleeding from her tear ducts during the viewing of Garfield: The Movie, Emily is in stable condition and able to take visitors.

I humble myself before Maxwell who has more than fulfilled her end of the bargain and finally filled us all in as to what the big mystery was, but also because of mud pies and art.

God bless us, everyone.

I heard a bastardization somewhere today of the bling-bling. It was referred to as "the ching-ching." The vultures are already making off with the rancid parts, and I never saw the hyenas.

sound the bells and hang the flags at half-staff...

a catch-phrase is dead.

The bling is dead. Long live the bling.

Today, at 2:20pm PT, the phrase "bling-bling", AKA "blingbling", AKA "BlingBling", died a horrible and miserable death as used, somewhat properly, by one of the stars of USA Network's Before & After'noon Movies. This marked the last time anyone will ever look good or not sound like an idiot using the phrase "bling-bling."

I first heard the phrase "bling-bling" around 2000. I had no idea what it meant, and let the phrase slide, assuming it would go as soon as it had come (as phrases do more when you're in college and around college). I had previously misinterpreted "'da bomb" as meaning something was bad, as in, it was a bomb. I was, clearly, very wrong. And I had already paid dearly for misinterpreting that one while working at a record store.

Finally the use of "bling-bling" used a critical mass in usage on television, in casual conversation, and finally I heard one of our student workers use it, and I had to ask.

"You don't know?"
"No."
"HA HA HA"
"Why the &*#$ would I know what it means?"
"Don't you watch MTV?"
"I'm not twelve," I explained.
"Oh. Well," the student worker spoke very slowly, to explain to me, who was so unfortunate and so obviously un-hip. "It means, like, lots of flashy jewelry and stuff."
"What?"
"Like... lots of gold."
"How the hell did anyone get 'bling-bling' out of that?"
"'Cause it's the sound that too much gold makes when it slaps together."
"That," I concluded, "Is the dumbest thing I ever heard."
"You're so not cool."
"Tell me about it."

But the phrase stuck around. Like a stray cat you thoughtlessly fed tuna the one time, it just hung around at the door.

As a non-extreme, non-hip, non-hiphop, nor Gen Y sort of person, I did my best suburbanite Gen Xer routine, and only used the phrase when I was being silly and poking fun at the phrase. But to no avail. Bling-bling was now part of the lexicon, and I was powerless against the forces of the hip. Talk show hosts used it. Guests on talk shows talked about their bling-bling (or blaeng-blaeng, as it is so often pronounced). I half-expected Diane Sawyer to toss out something about her bling-bling. I imagine Oprah was using the phrase, but, hell... all of a sudden, everyone was talking about their bling-bling.

It's a Gen Y thing, I think. Or a shift in the pop culture psyche. I've never been sure which. Pop stars in the 60's and 70's might show off a neat car, or wear a nice dress, but it wasn't something you talked about. And folks emulated maybe a little, but it wasn't something you ever thought about as adopting as your own lifestyle. But the publicists downplayed that aspect. In the 80's everyone was so high on cocaine, they allowed Robin Leach into their homes, and made America wonder what they had to do to get a gold-toilet seat, too. But for the most part, everyone was too drunk and high to even notice they owned much of anything.

But the J-Lo's, and Mariah Carey's and 50-Cent's and P-Diddy's TALKED about it. They TALKED about the stuff they bought, and what they owned, and it was a hell of a thing. They had the bling-bling, and who the hell were you if you didn't have some, too?

The new notion was this:

All of America is already famous. All of America is on the verge of being a star tomorrow. We can all sing well enough, dance well enough, and we all look good in those pants we got at the Abercrombie & Fitch. All of America is going to wake up tomorrow, and the TV cameras will be upon them, and, by GOD... we will be ready. We'll have on our bling-bling like our royal jewels and say "Jesus... what took you so long to figure it out?"

And so I was reading an article not too long ago, and they were using "bling-bling", but, as hip writers will do, they had co-opted and transmorgified the meaning. The writer had used "The bling" as something along the lines of the perfectly usable word "cachet". Something like "Senator Boring has the credentials and the bling-bling to be noticed." Hell, I don't remember exactly what was said, but I knew it wasn't good...

"They're using it out of the original context..." I pondered. But, you know... it was going to happen, and that's the way hip, young writers work and our language works.

But today...

Today I was watching USA's Before & After'noon Movie (which happened to be Burton's version of Batman), and at the commercial breaks, some genius decided we'd like to see some privileged high school girl get ready for prom. It was Before & After'noon, so we get a movie before noon and a movie after noon, and over 6 hours we get to see an already perfectly pretty girl get her hair done, so it's like before and after(get it????). And here's the good part: the girl is on the show because, tee hee, her first two trips to prom were SUCH A DISASTER, but this time, Mom wanted to make sure this evening would be the kind of night dreams and memories were made of...

Okay, NOTE TO PROM GIRL'S MOM: If your daughter's gone to prom with three different guys over three different years, she may already have that memory you're praying to God she doesn't already have.

So, anyway, the totally scary middle-aged lady who has made her life getting teen-age girls ready for cotillions and stuff has our Barbie dressed up and staring at the camera like Bambi in headlights, and declares she now needs her "bling-bling" (ie: her expensive looking rented jewelry provided by USA).

She. Needs. Her. "Bling-bling."

Bling-bling.

Yes, a phrase which began in the heart of the hip-hop community is now being bantied about by a 50ish lady owning nothing but Josh Groban and Anne Murray records. Bling-bling, from the mouth of this goober, in a suburban backyard, on a Saturday afternoon movie show. Bling-bling, which this jewelry really didn't qualify as anyway... bling-bling, which, may appear at some proms, but was most certainly NOT going to fit into this poor, deluded mother's vision of what was going to be a Disney-esque evening with magical chariots and coachmen (but was probably going to end with some puking and a lot of tears).

Bling-bling.

And as it slipped from the weird make-up/ ward-robe ladies' lips, there was a sound like glass breaking as a small part of America died.

Bling-bling, they're still going to invoke you. You're still a popular phrase. Maybe too popular? For the most part, they may even use you with the original meaning, but you will never be the same. They're going to drag you kicking and screaming into routine usage. You're going to be watered down like the original usage of "rock n' roll", or "juke." You were kind of silly to begin with, and maybe you were too cute for your own good. Maybe that was the source of your ultimate demise.

I'm not sure I can even miss you, bling-bling. How can I miss you if you won't go away?

I invite all Leaguers to share their memories of the bling...

RANDY REVIEWS GARFIELD: THE MOVIE

Greeting, Leaguers!
A few months ago I threw down the gauntlet and challenged Jim D. and Randy to not only go see the new feature, Garfield: The Movie, but to write a review.

Well, Jim got a bit weak in the knees at the idea and went running back to his Bergman films. Randy, however, downed a bottle of Maalox and headed down to his local cinema.

I now owe Randy the ticket price and a debt of gratitude. He's saved us all a lot of trouble.


Garfield peers into the depths of Randy's beleaguered soul...

BEGIN RANDY REVIEW:

A few months ago, The League challenged Counselor and me to watch and review Garfield: The Movie. Counselor was unable to lower his standards long enough to view the film, but I have no such qualms. So yesterday, Emily and I trekked to our local mega-multiplex and viewed the movie. Per The League, I present my 500+-word review.

Like many children of the 80s, I grew up with Garfield. I recalled having dozens of Garfield books and watching his cartoons. I even received a Garfield phone for my Christmas one year. However, I was not excited about Garfield: The Movie when I heard about it. Instead, disappointment overcame me. It did not help matters that the Garfield in the movie is computer generated. I was used to the cartoon, 2D, Garfield. My inner child rejected the new-fangled 3D Garfield.

It was with this mindset I viewed the movie.

Garfield: The Movie does not compare to Garfield and Friends. No, Garfield and Friends is much better. Unlike other CGI characters such as Shrek, Nemo, Woody, and Buzz Lightyear, this Garfield is not very lovable. The cat is neither particularly cute nor adorable. In fact, the movie Garfield is rather irritating. Even Bill Murray – who voices Garfield – cannot save the character or the film. In fact, the human actors in the film – the two principles being Breckin Meyer as Jon Arbuckle and Jennifer Love Hewitt as Liz the Vet – are horrible. They, and the rest of the cast, look embarrassed to be in the movie. While most of the actors in the movie are B-List stars at best, it is surprising to see Hewitt here. It seems like only yesterday when she was an up and coming star in Hollywood. Now, she is relegated to mediocre roles and films such as this. The real star of the film is Odie. Unlike the CGI Garfield, Odie was cute, heart-warming, and lovable.

It goes without saying that the plot was simplistic and mawkish. It involves Garfield despising the newly adopted Odie then learning a lesson about friendship and sharing. There is also an evil villain, his dopey sidekick, and an army of cute animals. In the end, everyone is happy and the guy gets the girl. There were a few funny moments and zingers, but it was few and far between.

Unlike the Scooby-Doo movies, where there the CGI Scooby only serves as a foil to the other four human and primary characters, the decision to mix a CGI character with real cats and dogs makes for an odd combination. It would have served better to make the movie with 100% real animals ala Cats and Dogs or 100% CGI ala Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Shrek, et al.

Perhaps I am being too hard on Garfield: The Movie. I grew up with one idea and image of Garfield, and the movie presents a completely different view of the character. Of course, my reaction is rejection and spite. However, the movie targets a younger generation, one who did not spend Saturday mornings watching Garfield and Friends, and Sunday mornings reading the Garfield Sunday strip. Indeed, many of the children in the theater laughed at all the jokes and found the movie endearing. So in that sense, Garfield: The Movie succeeds, but if you are a child of the 80s looking for the Garfield of your youth, avoid this movie and instead buy (or rent) the soon to be released Garfield and Friends Vol. 1.

Nevertheless, if you happen to be stuck watching this film (say with a child), entertain yourself by attempting to spot Jim Davis, who – according to IMDB – makes an un-credited cameo as a "Drunken Conventioner".

END RANDY REVIEW

So there you have it, Leaguers!

Thanks to Randy for going through this for the rest of us. I'm going to have to call into question the notion that Jennifer Love Hewitt ever had anything to offer anybody, let alone a sustainable career, but that's just me being snarky.

You can see what Randy is up to on a regular basis at his site: RHPT.com

More on Brad Meltzer's Identity Crisis limited series for DC Comics

Houston Chronicle

New York Daily News

St. Louis Dispatch

I also need to mention Steven Seagle's (not Seagal as I previously misspelled it in a fit of madness...) "It's a Bird..." This is an excellent graphic novel, but it's only out in hardback. I get deep discounts from my retailer as the lone Superman geek of his store on anything Superman related which he's overstocked.

Anyway, Seagle was recently interviewed about the graphic novel on NPR.

Thanks, Science!!!

Remember the scene in Slacker where the guy is locked in his room with dozens of TVs on, and a TV strapped to his back? And the guy explains that he decided to give up on real-life and turn to television because real-life just wasn't real enough?

Maybe we've transcended that and decided instead of all wanting life to be more like TV, we've decided our lives are as ripe as the lives on TV. At least the way we imagine our existences.

And thusly, some company has produced a camera which (I can think of two major practical uses right now...) will no doubt be used instead to perpetuate the navel gazing and endless recycling of our own boring lives as fodder for family slide shows and internet distribution.

Small enough to clip to a pair of eyeglasses, the camera will CONSTANTLY record your experience, keeping only the footage around the time you press record. But don't worry. It will always jump backward, so it's not like you're suddenly beginning a recording when you hit start. It starts 30 seconds before you hit record, if that makes any sense.

Thanks to Emily's boy-toy for the link.

HA HA HA HA HA HA

It's the first real description and images from the new Krypto the Superdog series.



Lifted this from The Superman Homepage

Synopsis:

Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a ... dog! It's Krypto The Superdog!

Jettisoned to Earth after countless years orbiting in space as a test-pilot puppy aboard a malfunctioning rocket ship built by Superman's father, the fully grown Krypto immediately seeks companionship on the strange new planet, gravitating toward young Kevin Whitney, a boy who longs for friendship.


Endowed with an awesome array of superpowers--from heat vision to superior strength to flying--Krypto partners with Kevin to fight the evil forces that threaten the safety and well-being of both people and animals in Metropolis.

Joining Krypto and Kevin in their never-ending crusade are Bathound, Streaky the Cat, and the Dog Star Patrol, a group of selfless mutts who patrol our solar system for signs of trouble from villains intent on taking over the world. Join the amazing adventures of Krypto The Superdog!

Images!

Krypto in action

Krypto saving kittens

Jim D sent out this amazing link.

Ladybugs at Amazon.com

Read the reviews. I beg of you.

Ray Charles has passed away.