Friday, August 20, 2004

DC Character Profile: Green Lantern (1) / Sentinel



Secret Identity: Alan Scott

Rating: Pretty Danged Cool

Comic He Might Be In: JSA/ Justice Society of America

DC profile

What makes him a superhero: Alan Scott wears a magical green ring he forged from part of a green, mystical meteor. The rest of the meteor he forged into a lantern. The ring is powered by the lantern every 24 hours.

The ring is able to create tangible, 3-dimensional objects from a mystical green flame. These objects can be used as tools, weapons or defenses. The ring also allows Alan to fly, and has kept him in his physical prime since the 1930’s.

The weakness? For some bizarre-o reason, the ring doesn’t work on wood. So if you want to kill him, hit him with a baseball bat.

What he's about: These days, Alan is a sort of father figure to the other Green lanterns running around Sector 2814. While Alan is not officially part of the Green Lantern Corps, he does okay.

He’s also one of the founding members of the JSA, and is a key-player and heavy-hitter for America’s most publicly adored team.

These days, Alan is all about legacy, and serves the purpose of tying Golden Age comics to the current age of comics.

Why The League digs him:

I think he looks like my old pal, Trevor Dutton.

The League digs the crazy costume design and wild ideas which originally spawned the Green Lantern. His vulnerability to wood is a suspect plot point at best, but is still a nice tie to the past.

Alongside Jay Garrick and Carter Hall, I love the fact that these B-list characters are still kicking around the comics world, and have been since 1940.


Heidi McDonald looks forward to this year's Pimp-tacular Halloween stylings for both children and pets.
As mutually excited as Jim D. and I are about the DVD release of Tod Browning's Freaks, I am just as pleased to note that (surprise, surprise) Marvel and Columbia TriStar will be getting even more of my money. Two different DVD sets will be released for Spider-Man 2.

I have already pledged to pick up the deluxe set.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Was this really a bear, or Jim D. in his bear-suit?


It is the first anniversary of my vegetarianiasm.

And to celebrate, I have quit being a vegetarian. I just ate about a pound of grilled chicken.

And, my God... that was good. I ain't never lookin' back....

Honey, get some charcoal for the grill. Carnivore Ryan is BACK!!!!
So, the League and I had our second 'Fit Test' at our rediculously large gym last night. This was to see how far we had come in training since joining Fort Fitness back in May.

How far indeed.

This test seemed to indicate that I had less flexibility, was worse on cardio, and had improved only an eensy bit in strength. They do this strange analysis where the computer determines 'how old' your body actually is. I believe this calculation to be a load of shit. Back in May, after 11 years of poor health and virtually no exercise, I was told my body was '29' (which is my actual age). Rediculous, mainly because the only factor contributing to this young age seemed to be the fact that I was a reasonable weight. That's it. My other scores blew.

Last night, after 4 months of reasonably consistant training, the computer informed me that I was now '30'. I had aged a year. I don't usually say this since I am in software development and generally get along with my development machine, but...."Ohhhh---kayyy, Mr. Compooter! Whatever you say....."

In case you are tired of me blogging and miss the League (he's been slammed at work) - I will be out of town this weekend in beautiful Berkeley, CA, so you'll not have to listen to my insane rambling. Bug the League to entertain you with stories of being home alone with Swell Mel and Def Jeff.


Wednesday, August 18, 2004

We can all rest at ease.

While the article states: "It's unclear how the dog managed to get away",
the answer might be found in The Tinkerbell Hilton Diaries: My Life Tailing Paris Hilton.

An exerpt:
"Say, want to know how my morning went? Well, I'll tell you: I just spent 20 minutes (that's an hour and a half in dog minutes) watching Lady Einstein here try to stuff a $100 bill into a vending machine. "I never have anything smaller than a hundred," she actually yelled at it, before calling it "a complete retread." I think she meant "retard," but who the Christ knows. She's in the other room sulking and drinking from the tap. I spent the rest of the morning trying to lick a power socket."

--Mrs. League
Mmmm....can't think of anything more appetizing than eating next to the smell of cat piss.

Folks, don't dress your kitties up in tuxedos and take them out to dinner. You may think it's cute, but you'll traumatize them and then they'll later want to take revenge. Stick to Cat Chow.

--Mrs. League

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

From: The League
To: Shoemaker
RE: Narrative Strategies

Man, I have been hacking away at telling the story of (Name withheld to avoid lawsuit) without telling her name, which is kind of key to the whole operation.

And I must admit, I'm basically finding it really hard to write the story without sounding like a big 'ol racist. I still think most of my complaints were probably well founded about the pedantic nature of the course. But when you write it out, it makes it sound like I was either a big know-it-all (which I was) or that I was a big ol racist (which i'd of liked to of thought I was not).

I'm struggling on this one.

xoxoxo

-R

From: Shoemaker
To: The League
RE: You are a complete sissy

If it makes you feel any better, that class was key in my political transformation from slightly-informed liberal asswipe to slightly-more-informed conservative asswipe. I cannot deny the negative effect that a Marxist-Feminist reading of the Weather Channel had on me. I cannot buy when that's what you're trying to sell me.

again, i'll back you up.

-Shoemaker



So, Loyal Leaguers... Let me see if I can remember...

Well, it helps to know I was not an "A" student in college. It wasn't for lack of trying, but most likely for lack of intellectual capacity. This is not to mention a strong disinterest in anything which was not EXACTLY what I wanted to be doing at that specific moment. My utter failure in academia would only partially foreshadow my inability to progress in my professional life later.

It also helps to know that in order to take "production" classes in the UT Radio-Television-Film department, students first were required to take pre-requisite courses, one of which was "Narrative Strategies." The class was supposed to be an examination of the principles that go into storytelling, and how all of the elements of a film work together to tell a story. Pretty simple.

In order to justify RTF as anything other than a trade-school type program, an infusion of academia has to be allocated into the mix. So, anyone with an RTF degree should know that faculty are never going to just let it go at "how to tell a good story". RTF faculty also fancy themselves armchair sociologists. So, armed with some cribbed English-major techniques and whichever political leanings they bring to the classroom, Narrative Strategies became a course in which we dissected Arnie movies in order to condemn every facet of them from the proto-Marxist-Feminist POV. And then we watched many, many dumb movies which, we were told, were awesome if you were a smart Marxist like the instructors.

editor's note: For those of you who think RTF majors just sit and watch movies in class, rest assured... Our screenings were during a separate "lab" time. We had three hours of lecture and usually three hours of screenings. Between all of that and the endless readings and other studying, the class was a time sink like none I'd yet seen, and there was almost zero pay-off... Just the far-off hope of getting into a production class one day...

The instructors weren't interesting or creative. They weren't interested in teaching any content on how to make a movie. They there to spout off assertions they'd read elsewhere and pass it off as their own.

Because, see... This class wasn't designed to actually be interesting or show how to do things well. Forget learning how to tell a story... At times, it seemed the course was designed to show us how shitty everything is and send us careening on guilt trips, rather than, you know, show us effective use of three-act structure.

The point is: the instructors were not filmmakers. These were people who liked to watch movies and had somehow found a way to make a career out of watching movies without ever actually producing anything of interest. And because they held degrees and we did not(and Randy will like this), our opinions were tiny and stupid, and their opinions were enlightened and wise.

"Do you," I asked early on, "Really believe that anybody working on these movies really, intentionally does any of this stuff you're dwelling on?"
"That's not the point," I was told. "These are issues which are societal, and the art reflects the society."
"Then why don't you blame society instead of Arnie?"
"Because he's perpetuating the stereotypes."
"Are you saying that no people from the Middle-East are terrorists?" (pre 9-11, post viewing of True Lies.)
"He's saying they're terrorists."
"No, he said these people were terrorists. He didn't say all Middle-Eastern people are terrorists."
"Well, Ryan, look at how they're portrayed. They're bumbling and incompetent."
"So they have to be competent terrorists."
"They don't have to be terrorists. Why didn't he pick a white militant group?"
And at this point, we were getting way out of the scope of what I was willing to argue in front of a class at age 19. "I don't know," I admitted, and I let it drop.

It's not that I necessarily even really disagreed with the instructors, but this was new to me. And the fact that we couldn't really discuss without risking our grade... And I wanted to be a good little lefty, but my brain was frying trying to go along with the little logical loops my instructor was tying.

After two class sessions of endless discussion on the plain-as-day racism of John Ford's The Searchers, (being presented as if the instructor had uncovered the Ark of the Covenant rather than just regurgitating what was in last night's reading...), and then having to sit through general cowboy bashing, and the general emasculation of, say, wanting to ride a horse... I tossed out a point I wanted to discuss.

"In the movie, they wore really big hats."
"Yes, they did."
"I mean, those are big hats."
"And what do you think it says?"
"Well, you know... John Wayne's hat-"
"Ethan's hat..."
"Ethan's hat was very, very large."
"And I think we can see that John Ford is trying to make these characters bigger than life."
"Yup."
"And was there anything else about the hats that you noticed? Color?"
"No. I was watching the movie and I just said to myself, 'Wow. Those are some big hats.'"
She paused, looking down at me in my front row seat, then turned to the class. "Does anyone else have anything to add about the hats?"
The room sat in silence.
"John Wayne had to take off his hat when he came through the door," I offered up.
"Yes," she nodded, trying to decide if I had just dropped one letter grade or two. "He did."

Even as I write this, I am so embarrassed my parents paid for my schooling.

But I am oft fascinated with hats, and my instructor wore this one dumb, sort of S&M biker hat. I remember that. It was her totem to indicate she was some sort of free-spirit thinker-type. And maybe she was. It was also sort of a bleak look into what happened to college-hipsters who hadn't yet given up the ghost. She was still young enough to pull it off, but it was just now crossing this side of dorky...

We watched other movies. The worst of which was King Lear, by Jean-Luc Godard. I don't remember much about it, but I recall it had Molly Ringwald and Burgess Meredith... and I am not making this up... I've had more fun getting teeth pulled. It was the worst movie I have, to this day, ever seen. And I watched most of From Justin to Kelly. But Godard's Lear was the sort of masturbatory nonsense we were supposed to be deriving a lesson from, I guess.

What lesson, you ask? Ho ho ho! You don't get it?

Well, if you don't know, the instructor said, I can't explain it to you.

This was more or less the MO following our screenings.

I do recall being unable to just fall asleep at screenings due to the uncomfortable seats provided. And, man, I tried.

We had to write a paper on a 30-second ad spot we'd recorded. And unsure or what to really do, I figured with the tone of the class it'd be like shooting fish in a brrel if I recorded a "Diamonds are Forever" spot and then talked about how dumb people are for believing diamonds are going to make them happy. I rambled on about the false promise of the commerical for pages on end. And, having no money myself, I figured people who could afford diamonds were jerks, anyway, so it wasn't that hard to write.

I got a B- and everyone else got A's. I was kind of pissed. I'm still not really sure if I picked the wrong commercial, or if my shot-by-shot analysis didn't match up with my instructor's, but she didn't like my paper.

I went and talked to her about it, because, frankly, my grades already sucked.

She looked a bit dazed as I entered her office.

"What's up?"
"Sometimes," and suddenly she was confiding in me, I guess, " I don't think the students like me very much."
"Really?" Because, I wanted to say, we don't, but we were really hoping you hadn't noticed. We all need A's.
"Do you get that?" she asked, wide-eyed, looking for an in...
"Well... It's like this," I had this chance! This shining opportunity to crush her little post-grad heart! To dance about and point out what a lame waste-of-time the class was, and how her inane blatherings always made me late for Danish 502 day after day. "I'm not sure this material is for everybody," I lied. "It's a prerequisite class."
"Maybe."
"Well, yeah. You're fine," I was crumbling. "A lot of people just don't get what you're going for."
She nodded that slow, accepting nod. Yes, I had confirmed that we didn't really like her, but it wasn't HER we didn't like. It was this material she presented, we weren't ready for her profound wisdom yet...

I felt bad for her for maybe two weeks. She knew we hated her. Or at least that i hated her. And she never did change my grade, nor was I ever satisfied with her lack of answer as to why my grade sucked.

When we watched "Dead Poets Society", which, at that point, I was sick of anyway... My patience began to dwindle as the instructor spent ten minutes talking about how the movie was full of false promises of hope and rebellion. Keep in mind, the movie ends with a bunch of rich kids standing on their desks shouting "Oh Captain, my captain..." Not exactly the Bastille.

"Well," I asked. "What did you want for them to do?"
"As a form of rebellion?"
"Yeah. I mean, you spent ten minutes telling us these guys are suckers for reading poetry. What do you want them to do?"
"That's not really the point..."
"Yeah it is. You said they weren't rebelling. It sounds to me like you know what you wanted to see."
"I'm not sure."
"I don't understand," I was doing that thing where I can hear myself talking, but my brain is only able to listen as my mouth runs off on its own, "How you can say it isn't the right answer if you don't know what the answer is. You're saying they aren't rebelling. What did you want to see them do?"
"What do you think they should have done?"
"I don't know," I shrugged. "I have no idea. But you sound like you know what the official answer should be."
Her patience was wilting. "It's up to the film maker to say what they thought they should do, and, in this case, they didn't give a sufficient answer."
"Okay. If YOU were the filmmaker, what would YOU have them do?"
"But, Ryan... I'm not the filmmaker. We're talking about what's actually in the movie-"
"Were they supposed to put the evil dean's head on a pike? I don't understand-"
"That's not really pertinent," I was cut off. "And we can talk about it after class."
We never talked about it after class.

The single most bizarre lecture came about when we got to watch The Weather Channel for an hour one day. The bent was: The Weather Channel is racist. Because, you know, it doesn't do enough to appeal to minorities.

At one point we watched "Cops", and were told it was "keeping minorities down." When pointed out how many shirtless white dudes actually appeared on the show, we were instructed that it was really trying to keep down the poor, and race didn't matter. Then the instructor pointed out that all of the people on Cops have to sign waivers in order to appear on the show, and I wasn't really sure how that was keeping people down if they didn't HAVE to appear on the show. Never did get a solid answer on that one.

It went on and on like that. Shoemaker seemed to be in class less and less often.

I studied for the exam with Blake and Johnny (who was actually a really good director, I later found out). We'd spent the last few weeks dwelling on "post-modernism" as a hot topic (this is 1994, I think). And finally we took the exam.

And I did really shitty. I mean, not too shitty, but not great. I got a B in the class.

But by then, I didn't care. This was the dumbest class I ever had, and, even after taking a victory lap and collecting 180 hours worth of credits, is still the dumbest college-level class I ever took.

I recall being handed the evaluation for the instructor and carefully bubbling in the sheet to indicate my displeasure. But then I was facing off against the giant blank space left for comments, which, I understood, the instructors actually read. The risk always being that the instructor would know your handwriting, and you'd see that instructor again at some point, and then WHAM-O!!!

But I knew, sitting there with #2 pencil clutched in hand... I never wanted to take another class from this person. Never. Not even if it meant I'd never graduate. And so, as everyone else's pencils flitted back and forth, scrawling out our shared vitriol, I carefully diagramed how the instructor's last name could be an anagram for "ANGER". And that was it.

This was a far cry from the heart and flowers I had drawn around my "Image and Sound" instructor's name.

"Anger" was going to get the form back, and, I had no doubt, would figure out it was the boy who done it... But I didn't care anymore. She sucked. She sucked bad. She had no place in a classroom bugging the hell out of impressionable young minds.

And that was it.

I did see her in the hallway the next semester, carting around a big box full of stuff from her office.

"Hi Ryan."
"Hi."
She knew. I knew she knew it was me. At least my paranoid delusions led me to believe she knew.
"How's school?" she asked.
"Okay. Busy. You teaching?"
And she launched into some dumb, boring story I can't even recall, nor can I recall whether she was or was not teaching. I don't think so, though.

I looked her up before writing this. She's now teaching somewhere in the UK, where I am sure, she feels she is perfectly understood.

Monday, August 16, 2004

When everyday tom-foolery goes horribly, horribly wrong...

THE BEES!!!!
A fair and balanced view of liberalism you can now share with your children!

There's a liberal under by bed!

Here is a picture of Arden. Arden is the child of Jill and Jess Hermann-Wilmarth. Arden showed up on Thursday morning to the great delight of Jill and Jess, as well as that of quite a bit of Georgia and the greater North American region.

Please note that Arden is, in no way, named Ryan 2. For which we shall petition Jill. If you think this little bundle of joy should be named Ryan 2 instead of Arden, fill in the comments below.

In the meantime, congratulations to Jill and Jess and Arden. Arden is now prepared to rock the house.


Arden contemplates a life outside of a bubble of amniotic fluid...

If Arden were a cartoon, he would look like this:

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Editor's note: Jim D. recently purchased a copy of Marvel Comics' "Ultimates". He asked me for a few words of explanation, and then suggested I copy the e-mail I wrote him on Marvel's Ultimates line and post it here, so post it here I shall.

To explain Ultimates is to understand Marvel's past few years as a company.



A few years ago Marvel got a new President, Bill Jemas, and a new Editor-in-Chief, Joe Quesada. Marvel had been really struggling during the late 90's, and was trying to figure out how to resolve what they perceived as the problems with their current titles. They brought in fresh blood in the higher offices (with Quesada brought in from his mature reader line of Marvel Knights to helm the ship. I don't recall where Jemas came from).

Both X-Men and Spider-Man were (as you will constantly hear about) mired in 40 years of continuity. This made it difficult for new readers to jump in. And even if they did go back and buy old issues, often those stories were dated and didn't make sense if you wanted to say a character was only, say, 30 years old.

For example, the Fantastic Four's origin is tied directly to the Space Race. Sue Storm states "we need to beat the commies!" And then they jump in a space capsule.

So, rather than jettison the ongoing series, Marvel launched Ultimate Spider-Man (pre-movie) to retell the origin of Spider-Man and reintroduce the villains with more updated origins and costumes, etc...

For example, Venom in the original series is tied to Secret Wars, a mini-series from 1982 or so. Secret Wars isn't coming back, and it's kind of lame to point to a series that's 20 years old and outside of the actual Spider-Man titles for reference. Ultimate Spider-Man gave Venom a new origin and tied it more closely to Spider-Man.

Sounds lame, but they assigned a top writer and artist to the project. The rest is history.

I've also wondered if Ultimate Spider-Man wasn't a safety valve for Spider-Man in the "post Clone Saga era" in order to bring back readers who swore off Spider-Man forever.

After Ultimate Spider-Man became a #1 seller, they tried Ultimate Team-Up to introduce "Ultimate" versions of classic characters. Ultimate X-Men followed, then Ultimates.

I pick up the trades of Ultimate Spider-Man. I pick up the trades of Ultimates (mostly because the actual issues have come out very erratically. 13 issues in 2.4 years?). I don't care for Ultimate X-men all that much, and only read the first trade before abandoning it. It seemed almost like a Mountain Dew commerical to me. But I'm generally off X-Men altogether these days. Ultimate FF is definitely the greatest departure from the source material. It's interesting, but it's very different in a lot of ways.

These comics sell very, very well. However, I'm not sure they've expanded sales to "new readers" as intended, and they stand the chance of dropping the value of the source material instead of enhancing it.

On the whole, I don't think this has been either good or bad. The Ultimate line was the success story of the short reign of Bill Jemas before the board fired him for continually insulting readers, retailers and pretty much everybody who came in his path. Not to mention Jemas went out of his way to turn the friendly rivalry between Marvel and DC into Marvel tossing direct insults at DC staff, comics, etc... ruining forty years of cordial relations. Plus, he launched multiple lines which nose-dived, re-wrote whole scripts himself, and was doing other s**t which was kind of insane. Further, Ultimates drove content into a PG-13 direction which the board considered not good if they wanted to expand the market out of retail stores once again and draw in kids. (editor's note: Jemas also began making moves to jettison the old titles and would only sell Ultimate line versions of the characters for various projects. You can still see Ultimate Wolverine turn up in some odd places. You can see how the PG-13 thing, plus putting Wolverine on a towel for 5 years olds might not fly.)

If you can't tell, I couldn't stand Jemas, and I find Quesada (still at Marvel) to be immature and obnoxious. (editor's note: for clarification, Quesada routinely takes credit for the success of all things Marvel whether or not he had anything to do with them. Ie, the success of the Spider-Man movies... He also keeps up the middle-school taunt of calling the Time Warner owened DC Comics "AOL Comics")

I suspect Quesada's days are numbered as well. The success of Marvel has almost occured in spite of these two rather than because of them.

Really, they can thank Brian Michael Bendis and Mark Millar for pulling their fat out of the fire.

I feel like I can read both Ultimate Spider-Man and Amazing Spider-Man without too many worries. I've never liked Avengers, but I find Ultimates interesting when I read, so that's a success in my book.

Anyway, none of the series are more than a few years old, so you can probably find all of their trades at the local comic shop without too much effort, and you'd then have the complete series.

Has anyone else seen this synchronized diving? How is that a sport? Apparently pretty much activity two people can do simultaneously is now a sport.

In four years, Jim D. and I will enter in the Synchronized origami folding. We're going to kick ass.

Saw Harold and Kumar today. A very, very silly B movie if there ever was one. I will say, I have to get behind any movie with Neil Patrick Harris as himself, a cheetah and a pointed effort to make fun of the "Extreme" movement. But, again... a B movie. Make no mistake. Wait for cable or DVD rental.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Just finished watching the coverage of the Olympics' opening ceremony. Katie Couric is the dumbest human being alive.

Friday, August 13, 2004

Finally, a candidate The League can believe in!

Barbie in 2004!


Olympics are on...

Yes, tonight the Olympics begin in Athens. Once every four years I get a chance to complain that all they ever show is 14 year olds on a balance beam. This is something, normally, nobody would tune into if you PAID them. But, once every four years we tune in like nobody ever walked on a balance beam before.

Sigh.

At least it's not the winter olympics, which always leave me totally baffled. I'm a kid from the south. I fear snow. It confuses me. How can a solid form of moisture hang suspended in the sky? HOW CAN THAT HAPPEN???? (they're not telling us something at the AMS... I just know it.)

While The League is not an official sponsor of the Olympic games, the League BELIEVES in the Olympic games. We may get bored with some of the sports, but we like the amazing things which can happen.

So The League will be constantly seeking out TaeKwonDo, basketball, track & field events, and soccer.

The League encourages you to tune in, too. And to count the number of McDonald's commercials. Because, despite the fact no Olympic athlete in their right mind would ever eat at McDonald's, McDonald's buys ad spots all over the Olympic coverage every time.
Heidi McDonald writes a good Comics Blog. So far, I have forgotten to link off to her.

But today, I couldn't pass this up. It's a panel depicting a confrontation between Dr. Doom and Luke Cage (aka: Power Man).

Go here to see some clunky, clunky dialog.
according to The Superman Homepage:

the guy who plays Clark Kent on the WB's Smallville, Tom Welling, has signed on to star in a new movie. But Tom cannot say what movie quite yet. Curious that 1) he can't say which movie at the moment, and 2) that the Superman movie is finally getting rolling under director Bryan Singer.

A coincidence?

Apparently there's a contingent out there who believes Welling has signed on to play somebody named "Goku" in a live action Dragon Ball Z movie. I have never watched Dragon Ball, but I think they're talking about the monkey dude with the awesome hair.

Wow. I hate to think Tom would pass on Superman for a monkey-man role, but more power to him.

Speaking of Smallville... on The Superman Homepage, there's also a rumor that Flash II, Barry Allen, will make a guest appearance on Smallville this season. I'm a little young to be a true Barry Allen fan, but that sounds like good news to me.
Thanks, Science!

Jim D. sends along this article which explains why people in Wisconsin will one day grow to rule the world.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

DC and Batman say "SCREW YOU" to collectors

Disclaimer: Some serious nerding out to occur in this post. Look out.

New comic book day is Wednesday. Unless a holiday screws up the UPS shipping schedule, your newly minted comics will be at your local retailer each and every Wednesday. And like a good little pre-programmed freak, each Wednesday or Thursday (depending on how busy I am), I go down to my local shop and pick up my weekly stash of comics.

There exists more than one Batman comic. In fact, there are probably 8 or 9 of them. Within the industry, the collection of comics surrounding a single character are usually called a "family", and are run under a single editorial head. So, you have a number of Batman comic per month, which can mean more than one Batman comic per week, depending on if you really want to read all of the Batman books which come out.

I do not.

I read all of the Superman stuff, but keeping up with all the Batman stuff is near impossible, and a lot of it suffers from uneven writing and/ or art.

The Batman titles include:

Detective Comics (which Batman first appeared in back in issue #27. I think we're up to 800 now).
Batman
Batman: Gotham Knights
Legends of the Dark Knight
Robin
Nightwing
Batgirl
Birds of Prey
Superman/ Batman
My Dinner with Commissioner Gordon
Alfred's Totally Excellent Adventure
etc...
plus, and unlimited number of limited series runnign at any time


Point being, there are many titles, and I think I read 4 of them. Actually, it's more like... nevermind.

But one thing DC promised it would quit doing about two years ago was to create a big-multi-part story which would require you to buy all of the comics from a certain family. The idea was, they would create a huge, industry spanning event which would draw a lot of attention and drum up sales for ALL of the books in the family. But, usually, these stories turned out to be the most half-assed stories all year as more than half-a-dozen writers are asked to write only one part of a story, and only the editor knows what's really going on. And the reader DOES have to buy all the parts so you know what the hell is going on.

This means, say I normally buy half of the Batman comics... now, in order to know what is going on in Detective in July, I have to get everything else in June. This might mean 6 or 7 extra comics.

As a kid, I enjoyed chasing down all the parts. As an adult, I feel screwed.

But DC hadn't done this in two years, coming off the tragically flawed "Joker's Last Laugh" story arc. I'm not a fan of the idea of editor and business driven series, but when the Batman Family editors said "We're doing a huge story arc about a gang-war in Gotham, and it's called 'War Games'", I said: Okay. Sure. Why not. It'd been a while.

They kicked War Games off last week with a $0.12 comic, called Batman: The Twelve Cent Adventure.

Cool enough.

And then, this week, I pick up my Batman comics, one of which is NOT my regular title, but which is necessary to follow the story, and... they wrapped the comics in sealed mylar bags. Apparently there is a promotional CD-Rom for Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow inside of the bag being sold with the comic.

This is a HUGE problem for the collector.

Usually I take very good care of my comics between shop and home, read the comics a few times, re-check out the art, blah blah blah... and then the comics get put into a plastic poly-bag. The comics are then put away into longboxes in my closet. At this point, I believe the comics to still be in very good condition.

But if the comic is in a sealed mylar bag, I stand a chance of damaging the comic while opening the bag. Also, no matter what... when I OPEN the mylar bag, the comic is instantly valueless. It has instantly lost any claim to being "Near Mint." Which, in collector's terms, means the comic is worth the cost of the paper it's printed on.

(someday I shall relate the absolute horror I felt as my brother's pal, Suzannah, grabbed one of my comics and used it as a coaster... She will never know how close she came to being forcibly ejected from my house that day.)

For REAL collectors out there, a sealed mylar bag means they will need to buy TWO copies of the comic. One copy to open and to read, and one copy to keep in the mylar, which, in turn, whill be sealed in a poly-bag. This, of course, drives sales of the damn comics through the roof.

The last time I remember this ploy really working was The Death of Superman, which bagged the Death of Superman issue in a black mylar bag (with a bloody Superman logo emblazoned upon the plastic...). Then, when Supes returned from the "dead", they had a white mylar bag. I have copies of the Death of Superman and his return in the mylar bags and opened. Sigh.

I decided not to buy two copies of the same comics as, let's be honest, it's going to be my estate which will be selling my Batman and Superman comics. I'm way too much of a packrat to let those go.

Long and the short... DC and Marvel are returning to their money making tricks of the early-90's. I expect foil covers to be making a re-appearance very soon.


About ten months ago, The League ran a Halloween movie watching contest. Unfortunately, one of the favored movies from the list wasn't even available on DVD.

Tod Browning directed the classic Lugosi Dracula, and then went on to enter this bit of cinema into the field, effectively terminating his own career.

Anyway, Jim D. has announced the release of Tod Browning's Freaks.

Maxwell, in her entry to The League's contest, wrote this:

Freaks: Not so much scary as truly disturbing, Freaks tells the story of a trapeze artist, a midget, and a bunch of "REAL LIVE FREAKS". What could go wrong?The first time I saw this movie I was so uncomfortable I couldn't stop laughing. Not in a ha ha, look at the funny freaks way either. More like a "Dear GOD what is that THING?" kind of way, which sounds terribly Princess Bride and horribly un-PC...scary stuff indeed. Plus, I imagine watching this movie will enhance your enjoyment of Carnivale, or pretty much any Carnie work created in it's shadow. Bonus: Chant "One of Us One of Us" at the dinner table and know what it referenced before the Simpsons.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Oh, Bitter Irony...

Jeff Shoemaker sends along this article about the recent colorization of some 3 Stooges classics.

In the article, Lucas rails against altering movies.

Jim D is somewhere rightfully gnashing his teeth.
I know you don't see this as good news, but if I can get Jamie to finally leave me, I think I might have a chance. I'm going to start hanging around Radio Shack and see what materializes.


the near-perfect Vanessa Williams
ponders her future, as she is now
free to entertain notions about The League
Are you registered to vote?

You're probably not, you lazy bastard.

I recommend you get registered in order that you participate in that dream of mob rule, that which The League calls: Democracy!

Get signed up to vote officially here with the Federal Election Commission.

Or, if you want MTV helping you out (God help us...), here's the web-site for Rock the Vote!

And, for a hip, and still MTVish site, here's Declare Yourself. I think these are those funny pro-voting commercials I've seen during The Daily Show and other places. I love Amy Poehler. If you get a chance, check out these commercials.

Now get out there and be an ill-informed voter who votes on a single issue. Me, I vote strictly around tariffs on the mango trade.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Fake high school only slightly less accurate than real high school.

You kind of have to admire the sheer will to do something this irresponsible and wrong. I mean, this took work.
It finally happened. It took until August, but it happened.

It's so hot, I wish I were dead.

Monday, August 09, 2004

Sorry for the complete lack of posts of late.

Nothing afoot or afoul here. Just very, very busy. Karen and Rick, the parental units, were here Friday evening through Monday 7:30am. So that was going on. Plus, we had to actually clean the house a bit in preparation of their arrival.

I have to say it was nice having the folks here. We didn't really do ANYTHING, but the change of pace was welcome.

Also, looks like King Kong star Fay Wray has died.

The world loses another piece of the mystery and magic of early cinema.


even in the grip of a giant, smelly gorilla... Fay Wray was pretty hot

If you ever see that King Kong is coming to DVD or cable, watch it. It's really a phenomenal movie. I didn't see it until high school, but it's a heck of a lot of fun, the story is engaging, and the effects are unbelievable.

I hear they are making another version in the next year or so (directed by LOTR superhero Peter Jackson). Hopefully the movie will do well and inspire a double-DVD set of the new and old versions. And I wouldn't cry if they tossed in the interesting 1970's version starring Jessica Lange and Jeff Bridges in early "The Dude" mode.

Friday, August 06, 2004

Rick James is dead. Bitch.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Job for Reed if the Electrical Engineering thing doesn't work out...?

Wanted: Court Jester
I bought a hand-written but photocopied poem off a homeless dude today for a few bucks. I don't know anything about poetry. My 12th grade English teacher made sure I was utterly disenchanted with poetry before I even left public school, and, in fact, came close to getting me to disliking reading books at all.

And so I'm not someone who lives for the written or spoken word. Sorry. But I figure $3.00 is a fair trade for poem. And I thought I'd share this $3.00 poem with you. Hell, it's more than most of us ever made off of anything we ever wrote, right?

I don't know what the poem is called, or what it's about, but I tried to copy it as closely as I could. I can't make out the poet's name. But here we go.

This is the poem:

I think of all the ways
in which our lives touch each
other, the smiles and the secret
looks that pass between us.
Words that go unsaid, but are
understood nonetheless, as if I knew
you long before we actually met, on
that day. there was recognition-
a sense of deja vu. You share your
innermost thoughts and deepest
feelings with me. you are my -
traveling companion. my teacher
my guide along the way showing
me who i am and who i can
become. you shower me with
love and i am fulfilled You surr-
ound me with warmth and i am
comforted...

Jeff the Cat

Greetings, Leaguers - Mrs. League here. The League has invited me to guest blog, so I guess I'll play along. I feel the League has done an excellent job of describing crappy desert living, but one little fella that has not gotten much attention has been Jeff the Cat.

Jeff the Cat (full name Jeffrey Taylor Steans - the League supplying the 'Taylor' in honor of his love for Planet of the Apes) was selected from a passel of cute kittens at the Austin SPCA in July of 1999. We would soon realize that the temporary name of 'Tuffy' the shelter folks had given him actually meant something. Jeff was a 'feisty' kitty and would attack most anything that moved. While some claim declawing to be inhumane, I contend that the permanent scars on my legs prove otherwise. But Jeff the Cat would not be discouraged! What he could not accomplish with his claws, he would get done with his teeth. That lasted until I got a nasty infection (I'm on a lot of immunosuppressants) and then he got his incisors shaved.

All of this may lead you to think we dislike Jeff the Cat. Not so, Leaguers! Yes, he does from time to time get yelled at and squirted with water, but for the most part these days he seems to have mellowed. I am relieved to report that it's been quite some time since I last had my leg chomped. He's still awfully cute, still plays by himself with random pieces of trash, still finds kitty forts to hide in, will still perform whole backflips while playing with the feather-on-a-stick toy, and still has one hell of a personality. On top of all that - the most important thing to remember about Jeff the Cat is that he once saved the League's life by alerting him to a fan that had caught fire in the room. Thank you, kitty.


Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Oh, stories about Mel.

1) On Sunday I bathed Mel
2) On Monday I accidentally left him outside while I was at the gym.
3) During this time, he dug a hole and laid down in it. The ground was wet as the sprinklers are going twice a day for two weeks to help out the fertilizer so my grass grows. Normally, I wouldn't care, but I relaized if I ever want to leave Arizona, I have to be able to sell my house. I am noiw taking care of my house so I can get rid of it.
4) Mel was terribly muddy when he came inside. he slept on the tile and had to stay there the next day.
5) Tuesday mel dug a deeper hole and laid down in it, getting muddier.
6) So I washed Mel... again. And then i mopped the floor.
7) Mel came in, and then snuck up on the nice couch, which he is not supposed to sit on. It now smells like wet dog.
8) Last night, Jamie was tossing and turning, so I went and crashed in the Guest room (only second time I've done this in almost 9 years together). Mel decides he should sleep in guest bed, too.
9) Covered in fur, slightly damp, and heavier than Jamie, Mel is kicked out of bed at about 2:00am.
10) Jeff the cat sits on my head at 4:00am, waking me up and causing a ruckus.
Constantine trailer.

This looks terrible. Whoever is responsible... well, I'm not going to geek out here. See for yourself.

For something which looks pretty good, here's the trailer to Garden State.

I've invited Mrs. League and Cpt. Reed T. Shaw to Guest Blog.

Reed is headed for the final few tour dates of that mystery of mystery bands... Phish. Reed will surely liven things up around this place, and cast a certain glow to The League we've long since been lacking.

We're waiting to see if Jamie decides to guest-blog.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

A quick perusal of my sitemeter will show that The League is quickly becoming the hot spot to visit when you are annoyed by Kristen Kreuk's portrayal of Lana Lang on TV's Smallville. I have to thank Jim for that. He's the one who linked over to IMDB.com for me. This has also resulted in The League finding a link on hollywoodjesus.com, which they clearly plucked from imdb.com.

Aside from that, Sitemeter doesn't reveal all that much. It's hard to know where 60% of my hits are coming from, who the people are, why they are here, how long they stay...

I wasn't so much wallowing in pity when I declared that "nobody reads this damn site," as wallowing in confusion. It's tough to know who the readership is. It's even tougher to know how to draw in new readers. I tell you what, though. Posting on the Alzare ad and putting together the words "Ann Coulter nude" on this site has drawn me more hits than I dare count.

But, mostly, is The League offering up content which would make a column which people are actually willing to read? Well, I thank those of you not married to me for tuning in day after day, week after week.

Randy suggested restarting a new sitemeter account, but I don't see how that would clear up my problem. Reed seems to fear I'll begin placing ads, but that sounds really complicated and The League is bitch to no corporate entity but DC Comics and blogger.com.

Anyway, with the completion of the 2004 Mellies, I'm feeling a bit out of steam. And as nothing I'd care to write about here is happening in my life, I am scrambling for content.

Having a comments section has been enlightening and entertaining, so that's here to stay. Everyone has done a great job of playing well together. And it helps me keep tabs on Loyal Leaguers.

Randy has an idea for something we can do. it's going to take a bit of work from both of us, will meet the criteria of both this page and RHPT.com and will take up a few minutes of your day sometime when we finish.

In the meantime, I open the floor to comments and suggestions for content. Does anything puzzle you about The League? Anything baffle you? I can answer questions, too, I guess. I dunno.

I'm plum out.
Pulitzer Prize winner Michael Chabon recently gave the keynote address at the Eisner awards(an industry award for excellence in comics). Chabon is author of Wonder Boys and The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay.

The transcript of his speech can be found here.

And it is a kick in the pants to an industry which likes to make like an ostrich all too often.

Monday, August 02, 2004

Nobody is reading this damn site.

If you are reading just post a "hello" in the comments section. You don't even have to properly identify yourself, but it would be nice.

Site meter stinks. I can't really tell anything about my traffic anymore.

Also, comments and suggestions for topics are always welcome and appreciated.
God bless 'em...

the preview is now available for Matt Stone and Trey Parker's Team America.

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Slow weekend. Sort of.

I saw The Village, and I'm not sure what I think. It was okay. That daughter of Ron Howard's probably has a career ahead of her. I might add it's nice to see a 20-something actress making an appearance without having to first star in a Nickelodeon tv-show or having had ever appeared on the WB.

Spoiler here

Look, I don't think it takes a rocket scientist to know that M. Night Shayamalan is going to throw you a curveball at the end of the movie. So instead of just watching his movies, at this point, you kind of sit there and try and figure what the clues are.

The problem is this: Shyamalan pulled his trick in 6th Sense, and then let you get your guard down for Unbreakable, and then... POW! he got you again. From what I hear, he did the same thing in Signs (I never saw it).

So who really believes at this point the guy isn't just going to keep recycling the same gag? He's like the nerdy kid at the party who got everyone to laugh with his great joke, so he keeps telling it to the same people, over and over, trying to get the same reaction.

Maybe it's a spoiler that this movie has a twist ending. You can be like Jamie and declare you'd pieced it all together before the movie ended, or you can be like me, and feel a bit impatient to figure out exactly what the twist is by the change to the second act... because you know that whatever he's telling you now isn't true.

The point is: watching a movie isn't real-life. In a movie, you're given a limited amount of information, and you have to accept that what the story is telling you is true. Yes, it worked once or twice with Shyamalan, but what if every movie pulled this stunt...? people would abandon movies altogether. Every bit of information you're using to enjoy the movie becomes suspect when you know any bit of it could be misleading.

Sure... you can always surprise people if you lie to them for two hours. At some point, I just kind of wonder what else Shyamalan has other than this one parlor trick. He seems like a competent director and the actors did fairly well with what they had to work with.

Unfortunately, I'm not watching this movie in a vaccuum. I remember Shyamalan's previous efforts. Perhaps if this were my first, I'd have been somewhat impressed. But for me, the entire last third of this movie lost its steam.

end spoilers

Go catch this one if you were thinking of seeing it. It's okay. And it had Sigourney Weaver and William Hurt who are two actors I've always dug. It's creepy, and has some nifty stuff in it.

The new Justice League Unlimited series premiered this weeked. They've taken the show into a new direction I wasn't really anticipating, but I think I can get into. Looks like the JL is officially sanctioned, has more of a space station than a satellite, and has a staff running their various space hangars, etc... Kind of cool. But not what I was anticipating.

The story was a decent enough intro to what this incarnation of the JL is up to. The art is up to last season's standards, they've added 3D for some space scenes, and the voice talent was pretty good. All in all, it was a lot of fun. The opening scene with GA was about as classic GA as I think you're going to find.

My complaint: The new music stinks. Shirley Walker scored a lot of the Batman/ Superman animated work (including the phenomenal theme to the Batman/ Superman Adventures, circa 1997). Why Ms. Walker wasn't selected, and a screaming 80's electric guitar was chosen in her stead is something only Bruce Timm can know.

I really enjoyed seeing so many DC characters get little cameos (anyone else see Zatanna on the people-mover?), and I look forward to JLU plunging into television spotlights for so many of these characters. It was good to see the animated version of Supergirl return, and to see Captain Atom and Green Arrow done spot-on for TV.

Teen Titans was also well done, bringing the Judas Contract storyline from the comics (circa 1982) to a head.

I'm really getting into Megas XLR on Cartoon Network. The G-Force inspired episode from last week was absolutely hysterical, and this week's episode was pretty good as well.

Over at RHPT.com this weekend, Randy ponders what makes a movie good or bad, pointing out that his bottom line is entertainment value. And then takes a pot shot over Dedman's bow by taking a jab at Jim's worship of the Dogme 95 flick, The Celebration.

I see Randy's point, to some extent. I mean, if he enjoys a film, be it The Care Bear Movie or Wild Strawberries, shouldn't that be enough?

There are two answers to this question.

Popular answer: Yes. If you like something, that's all you need to know.

Critical answer: No. All art forms should be held to some critical standard with which to judge their merit for the present and for the long-term.

The movie trailer which raised the question was National Treasure, which I'm going to have to side with Dedman on. This looks like a stinker. Ughhh.. I'm not sure I need a film degree to see this being a paint-by-numbers clunker.

The trick The League has learned to employ is admitting The League is enjoying a movie, even when the The League knows a movie is bad. This doesn't make you, as a viewer, less of a person. But at least you can acknowledge that maybe the film you are watching was not as craftily put together as it could have been. It doesn't mean you're stupid for enjoying a bad movie. It means that you're freely enjoying something awful. If people couldn't do this, we might have Police Academy 1 and 2. But would we have all 6?

Critics be damned..! Movie studios are trying to woo the hard-to-please comic dork fanbase. Funny thing... turns out that if you don't go in and change everything about a comic book in order to bring it to the big screen, it can still make money (ie, Spider-Man, X-Men, etc...)

Apparently it's beginning to dawn on producers that you do have a built in audience if you make these movies according to the comics, but you lose that core if you step away from the source material. And given the money that comic nerds will be willing to spend if you actually give them something they want to see, studios are taking notice.

check out the article here. It details film events at Comic-Con 2004. Thanks to Jim D. for the article.

Unfortunately for the studios: many comic fans cannot separate cartoons from reality, and they tend to be a little blunt if they didn't like your last outing. So don't go to Comic-Con expecting the kid-gloves treatment. Comic fans are not known for their social graces.

I might point out that no self-respecting comic nerd will go see the new film "Constantine," based upon Alan Moore's pet DC creation, John Constantine. If the producers really think the comic fans are going to like the changes they've made, they are wrong. Trying to figure out why Constantine has to be British is like asking why Bond can't be American, or why Catwoman can't be Catman. Between Constantine and Catwoman, it's gonna be a long year for DC Comics at the movies.

Saw the tariler for Batman Begins on the big screen. I enjoyed it. Couldn't tell if a single other person in the theater even shrugged.

Friday, July 30, 2004

Maxwell demonstrates how Dick Cheney brings the music of Styx to life...
DC Character Profile: Mr. Terrific



Secret Identity: Michael Holt

Rating: Awesome

Official Website: DC profile

What makes him a superhero: Mr. Terrific is not infused with super powers, per se. Instead, Mr. Terrific is, as many DC characters, born with superior intelligence, intellect and athletic ability. Terrific holds multiple PhD's, speaks dozens of languages and is trained in some form of martial arts. He's also quite the inventor, utlizing his gravity defying T-spheres for everything from video conferencing to tracking enemies to shooting lasers.

What he's about: Mr. Terrific is all about "Fair Play" (it's written on his jacket if you don't believe me). He's there to even the odds for the underdog and to make sure justice is served.

Why The League digs him: Mr. Terrific came on the scene with a minimum of fanfare in the mid-90's when DC was resurrecting the names and ideas behind several of their World War II era characters. The original Mr. Terrific was Terry Sloane, a sort of Bruce Wayne type. In 1997, Terry Sloane was fairly outdated, and so DC decided to revitalize the property by updating Terrific's origin and giving him Terry's story as inspiration.

Since then, Mr. Terrific has served as a mainstay of the JSA comics. He's quickly risen in fan popularity, and even serves as Chairman of the JSA (Justice Society of America), playing the role of cool, confident leader.

You don't see Mr. Terrific actually having to get into fights too often. Usually he's too busy outsmarting the competition.

Thursday, July 29, 2004

By the way.  Set your TiVO/ DVR/ whatever. 

Justice League Unlimited premieres this Saturday night.

Should be cool.  Mr. Terrific, Atom Smasher, The Creeper, Green Arrow, The Question and a host of others will be making small appearances.  You can also see Captain Atom, Supergirl, Dr. Fate, etc... etc...

I hope this show does well enough to continue to extend for several more seasons.  DC comics, like Marvel, have a massive number of characters and stories to share.  And seeing them brough to the television medium is a huge amount of fun.

Look, I know many or most of you aren't going to read a comic, but if you want to see some crazy super hero action without the shame of actually buying a comic, Justice League is the place to do it.  And this episode is perfect for the uninitiated as they kick off a new series.  Give it a try!

Jim may have found his entire rise to fame completely exploitive, but we can now safely quell the rumor that William Hung has not ended his meteoric rise (and life) with an intentional heroine overdose.

see article here

You know, I can definitely see how see how folks might see William Hung's fame as a bad thing.  But I don't.  And here's why:

Jessica Simpson's sister.

I missed the whole part where Jessica Simpson became famous, but we all know that it's not exactly like Jessica Simpson worked her way up and out of the club scene, paying her dues and performing at humiliating shows at Astroworld for years before she got her lucky break.  She was a pre-packaged deal, a face for magazine covers and album jackets.  Don't mind if she can't dance at all, and she has voice as bland as Kroger brand Vanilla ice-cream.

According to certain factions, we live in a meritocracy.  But it ain't a perfect world, and that's not really how it works in certain realms.  At least in the entertainment business, it's who you know and how you know them.  Hundreds and thousands of bands can tell you: even if you do get a record deal, the chances of you getting the kind of promotion that Jessica Simpson, et al, have enjoyed is nil.  That kind of marketing is based solely on marketing research and not on years of a steady build-up of fans.  But, hey... it's America.  If that's what the record companies want to do... whatever. 

So now, riding on Jessica's coat-tails comes Ashlee Simpson.  Who, you know, is some sort of rocker.  Like Johnny Lydon and shit.  But she is still managed by mom and dad, and she has a TV show.  Never mind she's like 12, doesn't write her own music, and let's face it... she's maybe a good enough singer for a high school production of Annie, Get Your Gun.

Does this mean we should automatically dislike Ashlee?  Nah.  Again, this is America.  If Ashlee Simpson turns your crank, best of luck to you.  But at least recognize her as being as pre-packaged as a Happy Meal.

Then I think:  When Avril Lavigne was announcing Grammy nominations and misprounced David Bowie, shouldn't she have been euthanized just then?  I'm no music snob, but, I mean... holy moley.  This girl is making MILLIONS of dollars, and she's a cardboard prop.  And she can't identify one of the most important pop stars of the past forty years.

So maybe William Hung doesn't know who David Bowie is either, but he knows what he likes.  And, darn it, he at least TRIES to know something about the tunes he likes.  And he was willing to go all out at the AI auditions.   And he took his rejection with grace, which is more than you can say for most of the bozos who pass before the AI tribunal.

So William Hung sucks.  So what?  So does 90% of what comes out in any given year. 

My point is, if Ashlee Simpson is given carte blanche to make millions of dollars with her talentless self, then why can't William Hung?  Because he doesn't have a pretty, talentless sister? 

I'd like to see William Hung rewarded for daring to dream in a cynical world.  He doesn't have parents working around the clock to get him face time with record producers and record execs.  Nope.  Instead he stood in line and patiently waited his turn and gave it his all when the opportunity arose.  How many of us can say we did the same? 

So he's a little goofy and sweetly-naive?  And unsure of what to think, folks want to write their own readings onto the William Hung phenomenon.  You cannot honestly say that you think William is doing this with anything but the best of intentions.  So as long as he gets a big fat check at the end, I'm happy for the man.  I hope he makes a billion dollars.


New teaser trailer for the upcoming Batman film, Batman Begins.

Go to the site here and click on "trailer".

Hmmm...  this tells me absolutely nothing.   After Warner Bros.' last foray into superherodom with Catwoman, I am a bit overly skeptical.  However, it all looks fairly accurate to the comics.

I'll be curious to see if the studio sees fit to foist an unnecessary love interest upon Batman once again.


Just watched a chunk of a PBS documentary called "People Like Us". 

There was a section in which they attempted to use high school as a microcosm to demonstrate the formation of class consciousness at a young age.  As you can imagine, the producers let the rich kids talk long enough to sound like real boneheads and like a bunch of ignorant and bigoted maroons.

Funny thing.

The high schools they interviewed were some Austin, TX high schools.  The rich kid school being Anderson high school.  You know, I went to high school briefly in Austin and I don't remember it having a reputation for being full of rich a-holes.  Upper middle class a-holes, yeah.  But rich a-holes?  That was reserved for the Westlake kids when I was in Austin.  (ex:  they had astroturf on their high school football field).

Nonetheless, it's a good doc.  Worth watching, even if it makes you uncomfortable from time to time. 

Oh, and the guy who runs UT's film department was somehow attached in the credits.  I should have scrolled back on my DVR to see if I knew anybody, but I went and changed the channel.  If anyone from Austin knows anything more about this doc, let me know.

2004 Mellies, Day 69,890

The end.  Seriously.


Most loathsome Democratic presidential nominee

Jim D.

Al Sharpton

Jamie

Gephardt

Jilly

are there any democrats running?

Randy

No answer

Maxwell

Not so much loathsome as amusing, Mr. Warren Roderick Ashe is a real card. In his Votesmart Bio he tells us "I have poetry, music, television publications that have remained a publication secret in Radio and television broadcasting." Huh? He is also has special talents in "Astronautical and Astrophysics computer math involving saucer technology and time travel."

Scaljon

Kucinich. What could be appealing about the Bela Lugosi look? And what did you do to Willie Nelson, you freaky SOB?!

Harms

The Republican president has already lowered the bar so low that this question doesn't make much sense anymore.

Valdez

No Answer

Nord

a. Wesley Clark - paper general, paper candidate  b. Albert "Al" Hamburg - Crazy MF from Wyoming

The League posts a vote

This all seems so moot this week.  Didn't see a plurality here.  So, uh...  I gotta go with Maxwell on this one.   

 
Best book you read

Jim D.

The Time Traveler's Wife

Jamie

Identity Crisis.  Because it's the only one anyone here might also have read and it made me want to cry

Jilly

all of them are boring but dissertation necessary

Randy

No answer

Maxwell

Just finished Gabriel Garcia Marquez's Love in the Time of Cholera, a sprawling classic story of unrequited love that is "unfaithful, but not disloyal".   Also enjoyed Sue Monk Kidd's The Secret Life of Bees even if it is everyone's favorite book of the month to trash. 

Scaljon

The Templars, by Piers Paul Ried

Harms

What Should I do with my life - Po Bronson  A Scanner Darkly - PK Dick

Valdez

"Reefer Madness" by Eric Schlosser. Three essays on illegal "underground" enterprises. Engrossing. 

Nord

a. Inside Al Qaeda by Rohan Gunaratna  b. Memoirs of U.S. Grant (in progress)

The League doesn't read books without pictures

And the stuff we read this spring for school was boring.  Looks like a nifty book list for people looking for a good read.  I can safely recommend "The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt" as not just a biography, but an excellent peak into a part of American history and culture which was not so long ago, but might as well have been a million years ago.


Other blogs of wonder

Jim D.

Rationator Mirus (Nord)

Jamie

Musings of the Queen Mum.  I wonder if this *is* a blog....

Jilly

don't read any others (aren't you flattered?)

Randy

No answer

Maxwell

In addition to the blog that got me started, Pamie.com, and my entire blogroll, new blogs Verbose Coma and The 'soon to be added to blogroll' Rage Diaries rock my socks. 

Scaljon

hmmm... so many to read. I like baseball musings

Harms

boingboing.net 

Valdez

No Answer

Nord

a. Electronic discovery blogs  b. The chinese sex-blog that caused a ruckus in the republic. 

The League

See the blogroll


Which former POTUS (President of the United States) do you know least about, but want to know more?

Jim D.

Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce

Jamie - it appears that Jamie believed I was referring to which member of the band "Presidents of the United States" did she wish to know more about...

Chris Ballew.  Because 'Kitty' is an *awesome* song.  (btw I just found out they are releasing a new album soon!)

Jilly

Jimmy Carter

Randy

No answer

Maxwell 

MARTIN "The Little Magician" VAN BUREN

(editor's note:  it appears Maxwell has joined The Van Buren Boys)

Scaljon

Franklin Pierce

Harms

Polk - I just picked a random one out of the bevy of presidential streets in the Fillmore / Marina districts of San Francisco

(editor's note:  please refer to They Might Be Giant's Album "Factory Showroom" for more info on Polk)

Valdez

No Answer

Nord

a. Zachary Taylor   b. Chester A. Arthur 

The League takes to the Bully Pulpit

Looks like Franklin Pierce is our winner.  I'll see what I can do to learn more about the man myself.  Unfortunately, I have 100 pages left to go in the Roosevelt biography, and then I have to read the next 800 page volume of "Theodore Rex".  Maybe I'll take a little break in between and read up on Pierce.  I do recall some info on Pierce from my days as a history major, but jeez... not much.

maybe I'll do a little report.  Right now, The League promises nothing.

And that's it

Stick a fork in me.  I'm done.  Next time I'm making this easier for all of us.

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

why I will not see Catwoman

I forgot to mention, as Nord already has, that Unky George has given a name to my pain.

Star Wars, Episode III shall be entitled:  Revenge of the Sith
 
Well, good for Unky George, then.  When I was 21 years old I could not envision a world in which Star Wars was not the be all and end all of what I loved about movies.  Insert Episode I, and then a helping of Episode II, and voila!  Ambivalence.

I was duped into seeing the last two movies at the midnight premiere.  Never again.  Maybe a Tuesday matinee, if I get around to it.  Sure, I want to see how UG tries to tie it all together for me.  And, sure, I want to see what I assume to be the final installment in the franchise.

Or maybe I'll go rent Spaced Invaders or something.  I haven't decided yet.

Further evidence as to why conventions are a terrible idea...

Good God...  my mind is reeling...  Okay!  Unofficial short contest.  Put a caption on this picture!

 


(fill in caption here)


It must be terribly fun to be a right-wing pundit when you're given opportunities like this on a silver platter.


The 2004 Mellies Day 568

God.  Let it end.


Least tragic event

Jim D.

The destruction and implosion of Howard Dean

Jamie

The construction of the Chick-fil-A at Stapely and US60

Jilly

Reagan's death. Most tragic: the endless coverage

Randy

No answer

Maxwell

The breakup of Barbie and Ken. Traditional family values? I don't think so. Everyone knows those two have been kinking it up for years.

Scaljon

charlie murphy's true hollywood stories becoming available for download online.

Harms

The Cardigans release their new record, "Long Gone Before Daylight"

Valdez

The kidnapping of Audrey Seiler. The survellience video of this University of Wisconsin-Madison sophopmore was replayed for days on major news networks. Turns out, she faked her own abduction. Oops.

Nord

a. The long-anticipated death of Ronald Reagan.  b. The Siege of Fallujah. 

The League ponders recent tragedy

The League technically finds that the sale of the Paris Hilton video on DVD under the title "One Night in Paris" to be the least tragic event (a portion of all proceeds go to charity.  No.  Seriously.  I think this is a real first).

It seems a portion of Loyal Leaguers took the partisan route and placed the death of Reagan as being least tragic.  Perhaps this sentiment was amplified due to the endless coverage of... well, not much going on... and then the move to place Reagan's name and visage on every Federal building, coin, mountain, etc...  may have seemed like overkill. 

I gotta give Valdez some props for bringing up the self-created melodrama of the Audrey Seiler case.  Man, was that ever annoying.  Nothing like letting your little pity party turn into a national crisis.  
 

Worst blog topic at "League of Melbotis."

Jim D.

1. A Present for Randy. Did anything ever come of this?, 2. Continued support and endorsement of Al Sharpton

(editor's note:  what did happen?  Well, a few things.  Just when I should have been working on "A Present for Randy", my semester at work came to an end which means a lot of work.  Simultaneously, I need to overcome months of procrastination on a project for the grad class I'm taking.  So, Randy, I apologize.  But no need to wait any longer, because Molly won.  You shall be receiving your present whenever I get around to ordering it for you.)

Jamie

The recap of 'Home on the Range'.  Because you made me relive it

Jilly

Hmm. You're brilliant, so all of the topics must be. (this is the kiss ass answer. Notice it comes right before the naming of my child)

Randy

No answer

Maxwell

I guess, after reviewing the archives, Friday 2/6/04: I saw Bowie last night. You did not. Because, yeah, you did see Bowie last night. And I did not. 

Scaljon

No Answer

Harms

I find it all equally ... equally ... equal.

Valdez

No Answer

Nord

a. Anything to do with new comic hero logos.  b. Anything to do with new comic hero uniforms.

(editor's note to Mr. Nordstrom Smarty Pants:  I have never covered either topic.  Just everything else regarding superheroes.  But just for you, one day I shall wax philosophic on Superman Red/ Superman Blue)

The League Strikes Back:

Clearly Jilly wins for her insightful answer.  These days I am voting for "The 2004 Mellies". 


Best item at Taco Bell

Jim D.

Chicken Baja Gordita Chalupa (Nacho Cheese)

Jamie

Cinnamon Crispies

Jilly

ugg

Randy

No answer

Maxwell

We here at Cowgirl Funk HQ in a nod to the vegetarian days keep it real with the taco bell bean burrito.

Scaljon

much like kmart, taco bell sucks

Harms

The plain old taco. Simple in its conception, flawless in its execution

Valdez

Mexican Pizza. Two crisp pizza shells filled with seasoned ground beef, hearty beans and then topped with pizza sauce, a blend of three cheeses - cheddar, pepper jack and mozzarella, melted to perfection and topped with diced ripe tomatoes and fresh green onions.

Nord

a. Double Decker Taco  b. Beef taco, no lettuce 

The League makes a run for the border

I always dug the chicken soft taco, but these days I'm kicking it vegetarian style, so I no longer chow down on my formerly feathery friends.  These days I'm going along with Maxwell and the bean burrito.

However, once again Jilly wins, as she accurately describes how I feel each time I complete a meal at Taco bell, no matter what I eat.




Monday, July 26, 2004

Minor delay in completing the Mellies as I don't have my Excel file on me.  Sorry.  Maybe tomorrow night.

In the meantime, thought I'd mention my new favorite movie:

From Justin to Kelly

This movie was meant squeeze the last cash out of the first season American Idol winner and runner-up.  Fortunately (I guess) Kelly Clarkson is still able to sell records to somebody out there, so it's not all a loss.  Unfortunately, Justin Guarini (the Justin of From Justin to Kelly, and first-runner up from AI Season 1) was already let go from his record contract after lackluster sales of his premier album. 

I had watched most of AI Season 1, and had not really supported either of the two finalists.

With that context in mind, From Justin to Kelly (henceforth FJTK) hit cable roughly... oh...  roughly six months after Guarini was back sacking groceries at the Winn-Dixie.  I hope he has a good broker.

This movie surpasses so many others in it's awesome badness.  Nothing is good in this movie.  Not the plot, not the script, not the concept, not the constumes, not the casting, not the dancing, the music or the lighting. 


The semitalented stars of AI light up the silver screen


The story, as I have pieced together from watching bits and pieces on cable, is this: 

Kelly comes to Florida for Spring Break from Texas (I'm not sure dissecting her decision to forego the equally popular Texas coast is necessary) in order to get away from, basically, Texas or the south or somewhere.  Rest assured, according to Hollywood, you MUST GET THE HELL OUT OF WHEREVER YOU ARE FROM AND GO TO WHERE THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE ARE.  You know.  LA. 

I have to tell you, I watched a good chunk of this movie, and I got more out of the synopsis on the web-site about what was happening than anything I saw in the movie.  In fact, as lacking in plot as FJTK is, I wasn't really aware the characters were supposed to have any motivation.

But FJTK is nothing, if not a musical.  And it is nothing if not a poorly directed musical. 

The first sign of music that I recall is some really, really good rapping and beat boxing by Justin and his "Playah" friend with whom he has come to Florida.  While a family-friendly movie, the Playah is there to get laid, and his tools of the trade are about as refined as those of Grease's T-Birds.  The largest danger is not that your kid is going to learn something he shouldn't from this movie, but that your kid will believe he or she will ever be able to talk to anybody like this without getting punched in the crotch.  Because this guy seriously needs to be punched in the crotch.

Now, Kelly's introduction bears what will most surely be a controversial criticism, but a criticism nonetheless. 

Kelly Clarkson is a lovely girl, pie-faced though she might be, and she is a decent singer and dancer and blah blah blah.

Kelly is also the least attractive girl to appear in the movie, and not the strongest singer. 

I don't know where they cast this movie, but every character in the cast is camera/ swimsuit friendly, can dance their pants off (the choreography being what it is), and can sing like a pro.  Except for, sadly, our friend Kelly Clarkson.  Who is lovely.  But with the rest of the cast uniformly beautiful and synchronized, Kelly's Elaine-like dancing and "prettiest girl at her 2A school" looks, it's kind of... sad.

Especially as, after tossing off all of her opening lines about not needing a guy, or doubting she'll meet one or blah blah blah "look what a normal, chaste girl I am", Clarkson then leads everyone on the beach in some dirty dancing involving beach balls and lots of hip grinding. 

At this point, I might add that Justin Guarini is also not, exactly text-bbok attractive, and he sort of acts like an ass throughout the film, so why Kelly is so interested in Justin is impossible to determine.  It might help to know that Justin gets into a fight with Kelly's Texas boyfriend (who wears a ten-gallon hat), and the dispute is resolved with a jet-ski race.  I might add that this is how the Steans clan likes to resolve it's difficulties.  So don't piss me off, lest I RACE YOUR ASS.

Anyway, Kelly kind of meets Justin, gets shy and...  you know... the plot is totally irrelevant and involves a lot of text-messaging.  And dancing.  Lots of bad dancing and worse singing.  And I probably wouldn't have noticed that they used the same twenty dancers, except one dancer has neon red-hair, as if to say "look, I may not be all that talented, but I'm interesting to look at, and I know this movie is going to suck, but I want to be able to point myself out easily when I rent the DVD". 

The movie ends with Justin and Kelly finding each other on the beach and...  Jesus, does it really matter?  Anyway, they sing and dance to their own unique cover of "That's the Way (Uh-huh Uh-huh) I Like it (Uh-huh Uh-huh)" to end the movie. 

But the real question remains:  What, exactly, is being given from Justin to Kelly?  The AI crown?  The chance to look less ridiculous than himself in a movie?  Or, God forbid, his sweet, sweet lovin'?  We may never know.  And we may not want to.   

Wow.  What a great movie.  It's too bad it signals the end of all that it is good.




BTW,

LANCE ARMSTRONG WON THE TOUR DE FRANCE
FOR THE 6th TIME IN A ROW
 
Go, Lance!
Upon Randy's advice, I have switched from Squawkbox to Haloscan.

All is going swimmingly.

All my old comments are gone.  Hope you wrote down and saved anything you said you found particularly clever.

I shouldn't admit this, but I'm watching the early 80's movie of Annie with Aileen Quinn.  What the heck ever happened to Aileen Quinn?  And if I am not mistaken, FDR just leapt out of his wheelchair to sing "Tomorrow" with Annie, Eleanor and Daddy Warbucks.

This movie rules.

Oh, Randy.  I bought that Eightball comic.  It was pretty good.

May I recommend Napolean Dynamite?

I leave Leaguers to go off and discover this one on their own, but I seriously don't think I ever quit laughing during the entire length of this movie from the opening credits until the last frame.

And I don't know who the actors are who played Napolean and Pedro, but these guys are geniuses.   And watching this film, once again, I was forced to say it:

there, but for the Grace of God, go I...


This movie is sweet.

It's SHARK WEEK on Discovery.

Damn.  I haven't kept up with Shark Week in years, but there was a time (in the early 90's...  must have been late high school or early college...) when I tuned in to every night of Shark Week for several years in a row. 

I drifted away at some point as they began to recycle old docs from previous years...  but now I'm watching Primal Scream, and this show is freaking me out. 

I took Scuba lessons in middle-school and did some diving between middle-school and early college.  And ever since I started diving, one of my two or three recurring anxiety dreams has involved being trapped in an enclosed structure with a scuba tank, very little air, and a large shark who hasn't yet realized I'm hiding in the corner.  Lately, the dream takes place in open water (which is, coincidentally, the name of a new scary movie about this exact topic). 

I don't think that I ever die in the dream, but who knows? 

What does the dream symbolize?  I think it's my fear that the Austin Public Library will come find me for not returning that book on trains I checked out in 1996.

The 2004 Mellies!  Day Numero Four!

Sorry for the break in Melly postings.  We've had some recent turns of events in La Familia which were unfortunate, unavoidable and not a lot of fun.  This has also interrupted my workout schedule.  Which meant that tonight was my frist trip back in a week.  Tonight sucked.  It's like starting all over.

Must never miss a whole week again.

I may be switching to Haloscan as per the recommendation of RHPT.com.  RHPT.com is wise like Papa Smurf.

Anyway, on with the show!


Best television commercial

Jim D.

The trailer for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Jamie

The ING commercial with the talking kitties.  Because one of them is wearing a monacle

Jilly

the master card ads with the dog that looks like my dog

Randy

No answer

Maxwell

The Six Feet Under Promo featuring the amazing Nina Simone, the Red-hot Lauren Ambrose on roller skates, and Peter Krause x 2. 

Scaljon

isn't there a good one with monkeys out there now? if not, then we'll go old school with the Mssr. Cheppy e-trade ad.

Harms

iPod ads. They have defined a whole decor motif, launched a thousand parodies, and launched the careers of several artists. Even if you don't like them they have been incredibly influential.

Valdez

This Honda commerical. According to numerous websites, this ad was shot in one take. Not true. My sister works for The Mill, who did the post-production effects.

Nord

a.  http://www.fuckallyall.com/article2007.html  b. The Screaming Kid in the Grocery Store Birth Control Commercial

The League watches TV, too...

and yet a single commerical from the past six months doesn't really pop into my mind.  I mean, the Quizno's Sponge Monkeys had a certain je ne sais quoi, but those commercials appeared terribly ineefectual, and weren't my favorite ads. 

I guess the Dennis Haybert Allstate ads qualify as pretty high up there, as they did lead The League to throw our endorsement behind the man for POTUS.  But, again...  not my favorite ads.

Go here to see my favorite commercials.

Oh, and, uh...  since there's no plurality or anything for a winner, I say that Scaljon's answer wins as it shows not his desire for an actual product, but his desire for a certain, chimpy, form of salesmanship.

Clearest, bluest day

Jim D.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - At 4:45 p.m. CST, on this day, my niece, Olivia Alexandra Dedman, was born in Columbia, South Carolina

Jamie

May 8.  Because it was so clear that I almost passed out at the animal park

Jilly

The day I realized that, indeed, Ryan 2 would be the perfect name for our child. In fact, the name will be Ryan 2 Jamie Steans Hermann-Wilmarth. Regardless of sex, of course.

Randy

No answer

Maxwell

June 8, 2004. For Art and Mudpies out of the clear blue sky

Scaljon

day after i was accepted to law school

Harms

In Northern California all the days ending with "day" are clear and blue.  A day that was particularly good was the day at Bondi when I caught my first real wave and rode it all the way to the shore with a few sweet turns. 

Valdez

No Answer

Nord

a. April 3, 2004. Although it was a bit cloudy in Central Park, 'tis a day that will shine forever.  b. Sunday, May 31, 2004. A wonderful 2 hour round of golf. 

It's always blue in Arizona...  and The League thinks that's half the trouble...

Sunshine has come to mean grueling heat in the mind of The League.  It means it's hot as hell between May and October (although I might say that, as I type this, it just began to rain).

My clearest, bluest day...?  I dunno.  But every day is clear and blue when Jamie is around.

 
Best candy

Jim D.

Tear Jerker Sour Gumballs

Jamie

Hot Tamales

Jilly

sweet tarts--satisfy all of my pregnancy cravings

Randy

No answer

Maxwell

Jason Lewis. Yummy.

Scaljon

jujy fruit.

Harms

Sour gummy peaches - so tangy, so sweet, so citric.  Keeps scurvy away - Arr!

Valdez

No Answer

Nord

a. M&Ms.  b. Whatchamacalit 

The League

Hot Tamales, fool! 

But I gotta say, this inspires me to try the few on this list I haven't yet tried.

Especially Gummy Peaches, which sound like either they'd be real good or real bad.