Thursday, July 07, 2005

Mystery Albums from a Far-Off Place


So, occasionally being Chairman and CEO of The League of Melbotis has unexpected consequences. Sure, The League has not brought fame, money, women or even personal gratification… But occasionally material goods are gotten in a way which I don’t have to report on my taxes.

Just such an adventure began not long ago when The League made a trek to the mailbox.

The mailbox contained two padded media envelopes from two different people The League does not know. Quickly discerning that the albums were, in fact, from eBay sellers and bought by an anonymous source, The League was intrigued.

Inside envelope #1? Warrant’s 1990 album, Cherry Pie.

Yes, Cherry Pie. An album The League confesses he had never heard in its entirety. But was The League, age 15, really right to prejudge the band and album based upon bad hair and a video fraught with double entendre?



Well, let’s just say that while my initial feelings on the album were, perhaps, knee-jerk and reactionary to what was the oppressive nightmare of late 80’s hair metal. No matter the initial success of the record, the album has not aged like a fine wine.

While the title track, Cherry Pie, does fill my head with images of the video and model Bobbie Brown prancing about with a firehose against a white backdrop, the nostalgia ends there. From there, The League gets the same queasy uneasiness which he felt quite often circa 1990 as bands such as Warrant, Great White and Poison filled hour after hour of MTV’s programming.

The League’s fragile psyche was rattled with flashback images of sweaty glam rockers, rocking in unison.

Luckily, it is not just The League which has chosen to put the past behind him. It should be noted that Windows Media Player did not retrieve the album information as it usually does upon accepting any new album.




It should be noted that at some point and for some duration, Bobbie Brown was, in fact, married to that cheese-d**k singer you see in the photo.















Inside Envelope #2? The pain continues with Poison’s 1990 bow, “Flesh & Blood”.

Oh, holy hell.

There’s not a memorable song on this waste of 0’s and 1’s. Poison was a particularly asinine part of circa 1990 America, perhaps giving the rest of the world a pretty good reason to turn on the US of A.



Led by “Bret Michaels”, Poison was visually and musically indistinguishable from any other 1980’s metal band, save for wild man CC DeVille. CC was most memorable for lying on the floor during his screaming guitar solos and refusing to quit rocking even after becoming very pudgy and his styule of music was horrendously out of vogue.

Honestly, I’m coming up empty. This is a really, really shitty record. And if you bought it for your own listening pleasure between 1990 and 1992, you deserve every bad thing that ever happened to you.





Thinking the gifting was over, The League was surprised to receive a 3rd envelope from yet another eBay seller.

Inside envelope #3: Ugly Kid Joe’s 1991 musical travesty: As Ugly as they Want to Be.

The musical equivalent of Garbage Pail Kids, Ugly Kid Joe somehow stumbled their way into fame as, in the wake of the success of Pearl Jam, record execs abandoned their glitter-sprayed LA metal gods in favor of earthier, more flannelized fare. This effort was met with, as history has shown, mixed results.

Ugly Kid Joe was an overshot by a well-meaning record exec who confused earthy for stupid. Nobody asked for Ugly Kid Joe, anymore than anyone asked for Mr. Big, and yet, here they were. Constantly.

Honestly, The League has such bitter feelings about this particular band that we have bypassed a listen of this record. We heard the hit single, whatever it was, enough during our formative years that the very sight of the album cover brought back the nervous twitch in our left eye.



The little, hilarious, caricature on the cover of the album still brings back bad memories of trying to come of age in rural/ suburban Houston. Guys like this were a sort of omnipresent threat.

The League remembers this music with an extra dash of piss and vinegar as this was the original co-option of "college rock", which was, of course, transmorgified hair metal. This trend has not only continued, but led to travesties such as Avril Lavigne and "Hot Topic."






Just as we were all set to blog upon our gifts, what should come in the mail but lucky envelope #4.

A curious addition to the previous arrivals, the anonymous gifter had selected Anthrax’s 1991 release “Attack of the Killer B’s.”

This album was not a new album. It’s a comp of Anthrax’s B-Sides and other obscure and unreleased material. And while The League was not so much an Anthrax fan himself, he at least felt that Anthrax was, at minimum, funny, if not as scary as they wanted to be perceived.

Curiously, this collection of B-Sides may have done more for Anthrax’s longevity and general warm wishes amongst Gen X’ers than any of their previous work. In a move well-documented by VH1 and MTV at this point, Anthrax had decided to join controversial hip hop group Public Enemy for a new version of “Bring the Noise” from PE’s watershed 1988 album, “It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back.”

Anthrax, not entirely by accident, brought hip hop to a generation of white kids who otherwise had given up on Hip Hop after Run DMC’s “Raising Hell.”

“Bring Tha Noize” also appeared on Public Enemy’s 1991 album, “Apocalypse 91: The Enemy Strikes Black” (an album which contains League favorite “By the Time I get to Arizona”).

Sadly, The League isn’t anymore into Anthrax now than he was in 1991. And, it should be mentioned for Madi that, for The League, memories of Anthrax and Denise D. will forever be intermingled. That dame was really into Anthrax.

The League was supposed to see PE in 1991 or 1992, but plans were scrubbed when the tour, double billed with goth-curiosity “Sisters of Mercy”, failed to sell enough tickets and the show was cancelled.

With several out of town visitors in for the show, the group got their money refunded and went to see Charlie Sheen’s “Hot Shots” at the North Oaks 6 Cineplex.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

We're booked for Beaumont.

Date: July 23rd, 2005

The League and Mrs. League are headed for the majestic Jefferson Theater in Beaumont, Texas for a screening of Superman: The Movie, followed by a screening of Flash Gordon.

WHOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I expect to see all Loyal Leaguers in Beaumont for the screening. And to provide us with crate after crate of The League's favorite movietime treat, Hot Tamales. Seriously, without the Hot Tamales, The League will not make it through the movie.

So, this weekend, The League has to work on a presentation about Superman. Can you beat that?

Any ideas you Leaguers might have for filling twenty minutes would be appreciated. Otherwise, we're currently down to

1:00 minute synopsis of the film's history
1:00 on the new movie, Superman Returns
1:00 minute on Superman comics
17:00 minutes of me "flying" around the auditorium with my homemade cape and red briefs

And, you know, Steanso keeps promising to show up, and if you haven't seen Steanso in all his glory, my God, Leaguers... you are missing something. Just imagine latter-era Elvis: sweaty, dazed... take away the talent and women, add a foot of vertical height and a law degree, and VOILA!!!!!

Also, RHPT.com is going to show up. RHPT, Leaguers. Which is sort of like having Scooter from The Muppets, only more of a programmer and married to a person of tremendous mystery who is staying in Tennessee for reasons known only to her.
In case you forgot, Lance "LiveStrong" Armstrong is trying to make world history. Again.

Lance is currently racing his heart out in the Tour de France.

The League stands in awe.

read more here.

Expect many links to Tour de France updates over the next several days.
Happy Independence Day

The League is sorry to say we have been doing a poor job of keeping Loyal Leaguers keyed into events here at League HQ.

We're still in a sort of vacation mode, having only been to work for a day and a half in the past 10 days or so. We've been doing a lot of catching up on comics that we hadn't gotten around to reading, thanks to a busy schedule and a large influx of mini-series from DC (I should also point out that OMAC Project is getting very good, and will run through all 3 Superman titles in July as well as Wonder Woman).

We believe Flag-Guy/ Squidward across the street may be dead or vacationing as his usual display of patriotism wss nowhere to be seen this weekend. We, however, had our flags out, and could be said to be the most patriotic house on the block with our five tiny flags.



We also climbed onto the roof to watch the fireworks from Chandler and Tempe (from the roof, you can see for miles across this barren wasteland I call home).

Thank you, noble founding fathers, for coming up with a holiday upon which I can not work and see firey explosions from my roof (actually, this sounds like the situation for a lot of people in other lands, but we get to do it with minimal fear of shrapnel following the firey explosion).

Anyway, The League will be back on board this week, and we hope to write about the awesomeness of 80's/ 90's metal, and what it means when it shows up in your mailbox, totally unannounced.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

SUPERBOWL CHAMPS FLY COACH*

Early Saturday morning The League and Mrs. League headed for Sky Harbor airport here in the Valley of The Sun in order to depart for our loverly vacation at Muskego Point. Whilst waiting for our aircraft, Mrs. League and The League parked ourselves in Starbucks and tried to get caffeinated for what was going to be a long day of traveling. As is our wont, The League was lamenting the beaten down folks toting kids through the airport, truly a complicated task.

"They look like they've lost all confidence," The League stated. "But look at that guy. He looks like he has confidence."
And then it dawned on The League WHY that dad didn't look like he'd had all vitality sucked from him years and years ago. That guy is a two-time NFL MVP. And he's leading around a four year old girl in a silly dress.

But where do Superbowl Champs go? We tried not to stare at MVP, but the harder you try not to stare... You know? It turns out, we realized as we went to board, at minimum MVPs and their spouse and six kids go through Minneapolis, too. We kind of snickered, and then realized, Mr. MVP and his family didn't board with the first-class passengers. In fact, a minute after we'd boarded, Mr. MVP and two of his kids sat down two rows in front of us.

About two hours into the flight, the guy in the casino hat next to us began engaging Jamie in conversation. "Did you notice Mr. MVP?"
"Mmm-hmmm."
"Are you going to talk to him?"
"Oh. No."
"I am."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, I need to get a picture with him."
And then he held up his pocket-sized digital camera with a big, poop-eating grin.

I looked up at Mr. MVP, who was leaning over to talk to his kids as he'd been doing the entire flight, and I began plotting how I was going to run interference for Mr. MVP.

It didn't happen. When we deplaned, the MVP family exited before me, as well as Casino Hat guy. Fortunately, all Casino Hat guy did was pat Mr. MVP on the shoulder and welcome him to our fair city.

With a little bit of sadness, I watched Mr. MVP wander on off down the walkway, surprisingly large family in tow.

We met up with Doug in Minneapolis, grabbed our rental car, and located Doug's significant other, Kristen. 4 hours of road and a lot of trees later, we made it to Muskego Point. The in-laws were already there, and had decided we were coming in much later, and so were gone fishing. Jamie and I went to the store at Muskego Point, and related our story to the owners of the resort. And, I realized, upon retelling, seeing a famous person on an airplane just isn't that exciting.



My in-laws came in from the lake, Dick and I put our life vests on and went right back out. I caught a lot of blue-gill and perch, but nothing worth keeping. Still, it was nice out, and it's always nice to remember there is a place somewhere on earth with trees and water you can drink, and a surprising lack of khaki shorts and golf shirts. Just you, a lack of fishing skill, and a whole lake full of fish quietly mocking your attempts to eat them.

I'm not sure exactly when it was, but Doug said, "Mr. MVP is here."
"Que?"
"He's here. He's with his family in one of the cabins. It's supposed to be a secret."
And then I flashed back to the owner's reaction at my mention of Mr. MVP being on our flight, and it made sense. They're big sports fans, and they didn't even ask the cursory, "So, did you talk to him?" They sort of smiled and nodded and that was that.

Nonetheless, Minnesota is an exceptionally large state. With many small towns on, at last count, at LEAST 10,000 lakes. And yet here sat Mr. MVP. It was as if Mr. MVP was just begging to have me harass him.

So secret was Mr. MVP's visit, that while his kids were sort of omnipresent around the beach and zipping about the grounds, it took a few days before I saw him anywhere actually walking around himself. And I felt sort of bad for him. I mean, sure, he can comfort himself with his outstanding record and bags of money, but he couldn't even really leave his cabin for fear that us gawkers would assume it was okay to bother him while on vacation.

After spending countless hours watching Mr. MVP play ball, I am now proud to say that Mr. MVP has watched my awesome badminton skills. Leaguers, The League is a badminton phenom who expects the Olympic committee to come calling any day. Sure, I can't serve properly, but I am an intimidating force in the sand pit. May Mr. MVP tremble when he thinks of facing off against The League. More fortunate, Mr. MVP did not witness my astounding lack of talent at the hoop. Kristen outscored everyone else 4-1.

Other adventures of the vacation included just outrunning a large storm while coming in from the lake. The storm blew over many a tree branch and made the water quite choppy. We lost power, and spent the evening trying to make quesadillas in the fireplace. Also, we tried to decide whether we should confront lactose intolerance or let the milk in the fridge spoil.

The most exciting part of losing power was the loss of water from the filtration system. Which meant not only did we not have drinking water, but we couldn't flush the toilet. Which sort of balanced itself out.



Further, there was an attempt to tame the wiley water dragon brought to the cabin by Judy Q. McBride.

The attempt was a failure.

We went fishing several times over the three days while we were there. Jamie managed to catch an incredible number of perch, a good number of bluegill, and a nice northern.

The League fared not so well. While The League almost had two northerns, he was too busy running his mouth at the crucial moment to get the fish into the boat. We did get two pan friers, and many, many who were not big enough to eat. Luckily, The League enjoys the act of fishing as much as actually getting anything. This is most likely an indirect result of The League never having had known true fishing success.

In addition, the League got some good reading done. Read Age of Bronze Vol. 1, Wrath of the Specter, and a hundred pages of Theodore Rex.

All in all, The League's batteries are recharged and we feel ready to slog through another month of work before heading off for sunny Beaumont, Texas where we will be attending the Jim D. Sponsored screening of Superman: The Movie.

Who knows what professional sports superstar will fly with me from Phoenix to Houston. Dare I dream...? A full two hours in the presence of Charles Barkley?

*Due to privacy issues, The League will not identify the Superbowl Champ who accidentally vacationed with us.


The League is now back in town. But don't expect too much out of us until the weekend.

We had a wonderful time in the crazed woodlands of Minnesota. Lots of driving today. Lots of flying. Lots of driving and picking up pets. Lots of rest needed to make up for the restful vacation.

Jamie caught a nice fish. I did not.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

By the way, The League is on hiatus until July 1.

We're off to Minnesota.

Friday, June 24, 2005


A nice image to end the week on.

Concept art for the upcoming film, Superman Returns.
Normally politics won't find it's way into the postings of the League, but this is despicable.

Karl Rove accuses liberals of trying to coddle terrorists in the days following 9-11.

If Rove is referring to the mass confusion among Americans of all stripes in Bush's assertion that Hussein was responsible for 9-11 without generating any evidence, then, fine. Maybe some folks were looking for some sort of tiny evidence that what the president was saying might be true and not taking everything the White House said at that point with blind faith. Maybe people were looking to win the war in Afghanistan and find bin Laden instead of striking out on another military adventure.

It wasn't the liberals who waited a month to take military action in Afghanistan, giving bin Laden a month to hide. And it wasn't the liberals who asked advisor after advisor to please stop bringing up this bin Laden guy in the year leading up to 9-11.

Simply put, either Rove is lying in order to rewrite history and somehow try to associate people who support the ACLU with terrorists, OR he seriously believes what he says, which makes him insane (we have to rule out stupid as Rove is anything but stupid).

There are a lot of people who did ask "Why?" in the days following 9-11. What on earth did the US do to draw this kind of hatred? Neither the White House nor Congress ever did much to answer that question. Telling us that they hated our "freedom" was a simple, stupid, pat answer. We all knew there were a few dozen more countries as free as the US.

A few years ago, I would have ignored a comment like this. And I would have felt that Rove's attempt to rewrite history would fail miserably. But as Minister of Information, he's proven me wrong time and time again.

You know in a day or two, the whacko political bloggers from both side are going to be going nuts over this. Liberals will be doing something stupid like asking for an apology when they should be pulling out document after document and screaming for blood. Conservative bloggers will be nodding their heads about how it's all true and how unAmerican the damn, dirty liberals are, while a few more threaten to curb-stomp anyone who ever voted for Gore.

But the fact is, Mr. Rove is putting words in the mouths of people who aren't taken seriously when they defend themselves. He's putting thoughts in their minds, and feelings in their hearts which aren't true. He knows all he must do is open the box, and the words gain instant credibility, no matter how absurd. And he knows a rebuttal always sounds half-hearted in print. They'll never take the time to print the full response.

And he's doing it to me.

Is he saying I don't know what I was thinking and doing and saying in 2001? Or what my friends were doing and thinking and saying?

I was there. I know what happened. But he's going to make sure that never matters. So I'm saying something today, because I think it matters. And I'm calling Mr. Rove a liar, and I want more than an apology. I want him out of a job and gone.

Why on earth should I believe in my own government when this is what they do?

I told Jamie I'm leaving Spurs game coverage to her today. In the meantime, here's a picture of Samantha Cone, proud Spurs fan.
HOO-AHH! SPURS WIN 2005 NBA CHAMPIONSHIP!!!

Mrs. League here, offering the Spurs and the city of San Antonio a hearty congratulations!

While the series has been one of the closest and most exciting ever, the media continues to complain about the decline in viewership because of the lack of 'Superstars' in the Finals. This really chaps my hide. You know how so called 'Superstars' are created? MEDIA COVERAGE. That is not going to happen when articles about a FINALS game are passed over for the 'SI model of the day' (I'm glaring in your direction CNN.com). I bet if you actually did some reporting on how unbelievably awesome Obi Wan Ginobli (name stolen from SBC stadium fans) has been or how Robert Horry singlehandedly rescued Game 5, more folks would tune in.

Anyhoo...end of rant. Leaguers, I have a secret to reveal about the League. He is the most fairweather fan you'll ever meet. And I'm not talking about the general definition of 'my team's record this year is 1-35, so I'm not watching anymore'. I'm talking about 'my team is not in the lead at this exact second so I'm leaving the room'.

Last night, three minutes into the 3rd quarter, the Spurs were down by 7. Seven points. The League loudly sighs and declares:

"Well, that's the end of that - it's over!"

Luckily he decided to continue watching, because I had no plans of getting off of that couch.

At the end of the game, the League and I shot ideas back and forth as to who would take home the MVP trophy. Our first thought was Ginobli, but soon the announcers revealed Duncan had put in 25 points during the game. Seriously, is the man a ninja?? I NEVER see him score, yet at the end of the game, he always has a respectable number of points.

Next season I'm sure we'll be back to keeping tabs on the mighty mighty Suns, but for now...

SPURS ARE THE CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD!
The Beat reports on Morrison, DC Comics' new structure (using creative consultants), and Morrison's place within the cosmos.

read here

One item mentioned is the failed attempt by Mark Millar (Ultimates), Grant Morrison (JLA), and Mark Waid (Kingdom Come) to re-vamps Superman comics circa 2000.

In retrospect, failing to allow this team to take over the Superbooks was probably the biggest forehead slapper in the past ten years. Why DC failed to jump on this team of top-level talent is, at best, a total mystery. My guess is that they planned to dump continuity from 1986-2000, and DC wasn't having any of that.

What could have been, my friends.... what could have been.

Part of me, a very small part, wonders if the shakeout from the new Crisis won't have that effect, anyway.
Statler and Waldorf movie reviews.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Take the MIT Weblog Survey
Wow, this is like a bad movie.

Translation: If someone with more money than you wants to build an autoplex where you live (in order to make yet more money), you have to take whatever they are offering and get out before they bulldoze your house. If you refuse, I guess they can toss you in jail.

Thanks, Supreme Court!

If only we had those little robots from *batteries not included to go and scare off Scalia.

***update***

The League has the reading skills of a 5 year old.

Scalia, while looking jolly in this picture, did not vote to toss people out onto the street. He probably just had a Whopper and is enjoying the after-effects.

Please read comments section below.
After my moody and irrational rant over the past 48 hours or so, The League appears to have lost all readership.

You'd think I had been writing a celebration of the achievements of Stalin or something.

Ah, well.

Scaljon has a Meme on his site, and there's nothing like a good Meme to get the blood flowing.

1. What is the earliest movie you remember watching in the theater?

It might have been Grease at a drive in with my family (which led to me being confused in my memories years later as to whether or not the drive in had a swingset. I think my popcorn addled brain led me to believe that the swing set Danny rests his weary bones on when at the movies with Sandy was actually at my drive-in theater).

Or else it was Star Wars. I do not recall which came first. I imagine it was Star Wars.

2. If you could strike one word from the English language, which word would you choose and why?

I think I would strike unAmerican. I'm sick of hearing that because I won't endorse jack-ass schemes by chuckleheads I didn't vote for that I am unAmerican.

That's the magic of it. I was born here. Whatever I think is automatically American.

And I happen to think we should all bow down before Peer-Wun, God of Wicker.

3. If you were a superhero, what would be your kryptonite?

Jamie. Or cookies. I can't say "no" to either of them.

Or maybe those glowing green rocks created from the debris of my exploded homeworld. Those certainly don't do me any good.

4. Would you rather win an Emmy, Grammy, Tony, Golden Globe, Oscar, Pulitzer, or Nobel Prize? What work would you win it for?

Nobel prize. Can one win a Nobel Prize for blogging? I would actually like to win it for my imaginary work in medicine. And as long as we're imagining, also for my Mid-East Peace Plan which everyone can agree on. And for burying Tom Cruise in a vault two miles below the Earth's crust.

Or I'd like to win a Daytime Emmy for my work on General Hospital where I play Dr. Luke Strongheart.

5. What is your catch phrase? Don't have one? Then make one up!

I am sure Jamie THINKS I have a catch phrase, but I do not consciously employ a catchphrase.

I do say, "Oh, for the love of Mike..." sometimes. And I have consciously tried to work "Sweet Christmas!" into my repertoire, but I'm not sure it's really taken off.

"Sweet Christmas!" was the catchphrase of Marvel's street-level action star, Luke Cage (aka Power Man... But nobody calls him Power Man any more). Who knows where the catchphrase came from, but it's roundly considered one of the best/worst catch phrases of any superhero.

Read more about Luke Cage here.
The League throws in with Comic Candy

Big, big news.

The League has posted his first comic review for another publication.

Jenn over at Comic Candy has posted The League's review of the Dark Detective series from DC Comics.

Jenn has gone beyond the usual comic-blog and has built a pretty darn cool website where she's trying to build a community of comic fans. I'm not sure where the site is going, but I do think Jenn has got it off to a great start.

Anyway, check out the review. Criticize my criticism. But also make sure you go to Comic Candy and look around, and maybe even sign up.

My guess is, I will post straightforward reviews there, while keeping Suggestions for Further Reading as a separate sort of column here, focusing on comic movies, comic info, comic trivia, and other items casual or non-comic readers might find amusing.

I do assume you all find it amusing or you wouldn't be here.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Okay.

So, it's getting really, really hot here in Arizona. It's 111 degrees today.

And I think that, coupled with some work issues, has made The League grouchier than normal.

The League admits that The League should not have asked for Loyal Leaguers to apologize.

Years ago, The League wasn't going to add a comments section as we anticipated bad behavior cropping up. But you know what? Loyal Leaguers have made The League of Melbotis a lot of fun to work on. As much as The League enjoys shooting his mouth off, he enjoys the comments, jokes and snarky remarks which he can find mere hours after posting.

So we hope everyone will continue to participate and keep making this a fun endeavor. But remember, keep it fun. And keep in mind that while all you Loyal Leaguers have thrown your hat into the same ring of justice, we may not all know each other as well as we'd like to. And sometimes that can lead to misunderstanding.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Two Major items

1) The Spurs lost, sending the series to a nail-biting game seven. Which they will surely lose. At home.

Duncan looks like he needs to take a nice, long nap and listen to some self-affirmation tapes. Ginobili is rattled, but keeps pouring it on. And I'm seeing a lot of Barry, and I'm not sure why. Mohammad has been his reliable self, if not stellar. Big-Shot Bob was sort of shut down tonight as well.

The Spurs' 3-point percentage has been pretty poor, but they keep firing away. In addition, they seem hell bent on driving into the lane. Which is kind of nuts, because the Pistons' defense gets a turn-over (without a foul, I might add) each time they try this. Spurs need to learn to shoot from the perimeter, play more solid D, and... for God's sake, REBOUND. I know those ankles are killing you, Tim, but your job is to hop up and grab the ball, not let some dude named "Chauncey" take the ball away from you.

2) For those of you involved in the kerfuffle going on in the comments section, knock it off.

I will seriously turn this car around and we'll all go home. Or at least shut down comments.

I want an apology out of everybody.

Now.
Superman Celebration 2005 with Mo Rocca.

Man, I wish this had been Triumph.
THE REAL WORLD: AUSTIN


"It'll be really weird to see myself drunk. But I guess we'll all learn something about ourselves."

So it's time for another season of MTV's hit "reality" show, The Real World (a name which has lost all meaning since the show's original, much more idealistic inception). As The League recalls, The Real World was originally created to fill the heads of cotton-headed MTV viewers with a glimpse of life in NYC, but, more specifically, to showcase the trials and tribulations of leaving home and trying to make it in the big city.

This was an era of the show in which the cast memebers were defined by what they did, not whom they did. Someone could, in this early stage, be "the actor guy" or "the musician guy". Cast members were pulled in from all points of the country with big city aspirations, and, I THINK the point was to show folks getting away from their comfort zone and sort of dealing with the mish-mash of personalities and ideas that one faces in "The Real World". Only 24/7 and in a swank loft.

I'm not sure they actually succeeded, but the show did prove Americans love to voyeuristically watch other people doing the exact same stuff they could do if they weren't watching the program at that same moment.

Well, it's God-knows how many seasons later, and The Real World is now subtitled Pretty Drunk Exhibitionist Mental Midgets You Might See "Doin' It". No longer are the cast members asked to, or even really encouraged to, leave the house. Instead, the program fills a house with booze, adds a hot tub, and casts people who are nuts for the sex and insist they "don't want nobody gittin' all up in (their) face". It's a beautiful, beautiful level of simplicity that has taken full advantage of the Gen Y belief in self-entitlement and instant celebrity. After all, there is absolutely nothing special about the cast members. Seriously. Not a damn thing aside from an over extended ego and lack of foresight regarding covering camera lenses when having sex.

So the new season of The Real World takes place in The League's professed hometown of Austin, TX.

Being Austin, apparently not everyone took kindly to folks making a scene and invading their turf.

To add insult to injury, and fueling my dislike of UT's Paul Stekler (which began when he told me to my face he didn't care if I could graduate), Stekler offered the Real World cast a job.

To keep the cast from slacking, "The Real World" puts the kids to work . . . sort of.

In Austin, filmmaker and University of Texas film professor Paul Stekler ("Last Man Standing") was recruited to help the kids make a mini-documentary during the South by Southwest Music Festival in March.

Initially Stekler thought it was "a pretty weird offer." But then he decided it could be good publicity for UT. The graduate students who trained the cast — P.J. Raval, Jenn Garrison and David Hartstein — were paid. Stekler's time was covered by a contribution (undisclosed amount) to the UT film department.


You know, it's reasons like this that UT RTF calls me and calls me and I won't give them any money. I remember how much I had to bust my ass to even get into a class where I could have done a project like this. Apparently I should have been greasing Steckler's palm.

I might watch an episode or two of the Austin-based series, but it's going to be tough to take the mouth-breathers of the show's cast seeing Austin as nothing more than a huge bar while the producers angle to make the show hip enough for their soulless LA-based bosses.

Ah, well. The League is getting old and grumpy.

Monday, June 20, 2005

So.... The first ten minutes of the AFI tribute to George Lucas was sort of the culmination of everything non-superhero which defined my life.

Lucas
Shatner
Spielberg
Ford
Sinatra?

Genius.
So long, Jake.

Jake Pickle, former U.S. Rep from the Great State of Texas, has passed away. Pickle represented the Central Texas area.
Howdy, Leaguers

Well, this weekend was nice and quiet. Some work stuff reared it's ugly head, but I'm trying to remain calm about it. I am sure it will be awful enough on Monday that there's no use getting my red trunks in a bunch right now.

We've had some changes here at League HQ regarding scheduling, and I am afraid the blog here has been the top item to suffer. Basically, if Jamie is awake at night, it looks like I'm less likely to rant for pages at a time.

So there may be fewer posts than normal until all settles back into it's usual pattern.

Heads up as, not this week, but the following week... The League is going on a much-needed (but probably not deserved) break. We're headed to sunny Cook, Minnesota for a few days of bobbing about in a boat and failing to catch any fish. Also, I hope to make some headway in teh book I began reading en route to Vegas, Theodore Rex. Jim has suggested I read "The Historian." Perhaps I shall, just not until I finish this whopper of a biography.

Perhaps The League shall take some vacationy pictures for your amusement.

I also spent a lot of time this weekend catching up on comics I had fallen behind in my reading. I have to say, the new creative teams on the Superman books are doing a great job, with Rucka's Adventures of Superman (pencils by Kerschl) leading the pack. It'd be great if Rucka could stay on for another full two years, but i doubt we'll be that lucky. Gail Simone is currently writing Action Comics with art by John "Man of Steel" Byrne on pencils.

JLA is currently tackling some of the hanging threads from Identity Crisis. Geoff Johns is on writing chores with a fellow who writes for the TV program The OC. This same OC guy is writing Superman, btw, and it's been very good thus far...

DC is killing my wallet.

The Seven Soldiers of Victory limited series are each great, and are weaving a gigantic tapestry of multi-aspect story-telling.

Meanwhile, the limited series tied to Countdown to Infinite Crisis are all turning out to be extremely readable in their own right.

I'll be writing a column on the benefits of massive cross-overs at some point this week, because, darn it... too many people are down on these things. The League just dislikes them when they're done poorly. More on that later as time permits.

In other League news, The Spurs botched a possible last second clincher in regulation to go into overtime and pull out a completely different last second clincher, putting them up 3-2 in the best of 4 series. And they're headed home. This whole thing could be over by Tuesday with the the Spurs having a trophy to match the trophies from 1999 and 2003.

But, man, I really like this Pistons team. They're really, really good. I can't figure out how the Spurs beat them tonight at all. Oh, yeah, I do. Robert Horry. The man's experience and cool head won the night when Duncan looked like a scared little girl.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Earlier incarnation of Jamie as Catwoman



Notice, it's Christmas. This is Jamie's Halloween costume. I think she liked her costume...

and, just because...

Friday, June 17, 2005

A Super-Meme

This one's been circulating for a bit. I just saw it on Return to Comics, so now I feel like I can use it, too.

If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why?

Mostly, I'd like to be able to make people healthy with the touch of a finger. I'd be like "ET-Man". And I'd charge like $10 a visit. I'd do nothing all day but poke people with my finger and fix them.

If that didn't happen because I'd refuse to let anybody ever get sick and God would get irritated with this globe swarming with undead people, I have a choice #2.

Invulnerability. Sure, flight would be the most fun, but I can always buy a jetpack, right? No? Oh. Well, invulnerability. I would never worry about getting hit by a bus again. I could intentionally walk into terrible situations and let bullets fly off of my skin. If the wait for the elevator is too long, I'd just jump out the window.

There's a lot to be said for cannon shells bouncing off of your hide.

If that didn't pan out, I guess I'd like to have the power to know when I have either irrevocably won ro lost an argument. Or the ability to ignore Tom Cruise. Most useful, though: The ability to have an answer when Jamie asks "Where do you want to go to eat?"

Which, if any, 'existing' superhero(es) do you fancy, and why?

Here's a creepy question! Which superhero would I like to go on moonlit strolls with?

I don't feel terribly comfortable answering this. I'm a grown, married man, for God's sake.

Wonder Woman. Because she twirls.

or, Barbara Gordon/ Oracle/ Batgirl. Because she would be great IT support.

What would your superhero name be?

I'd like to be sponsored. You know... Captain Justice, presented by Rayovac Batteries!

Given that I'd either be fixing people or invulnerable, I think I'd pick a name based on my powers.

If I were healing people, I'd want to be referred to as "Dr. No-HMO". Or "The Blue Band-Aid". Or "Neosporin Lad". (brought to you by the makers of Neosporin).

if I were invulnerable, I'd want to be called "The Awesome-aitor." (presented by Hooters).

However, even Superman didn't pick his own name (Lois slapped that name on him). So I am fairly certain some reporter would pick a name for me. And I am sure it would be: "The Blue Panda" in honor of my astonishing physique and penchant for wearing a blue shirt most days (with blue jeans, natch).

For extra credit: Is there an ‘existing’ superhero with whom you identify/whom you would like to be?

I think these are two very different questions. Identify with? Possibly a JLI-era Martian Manhunter. Sure, I seem to be fairly useful most of the time, but I don't understand the earthlings around me and instead of bickering or fighting cosmic menaces, what I'd really like to do is have a glass of milk and a bag of Oreos.

Like to be? If you can't answer that question on your own and you've been reading this site for more than 5 minutes, we will make sure we put the bumpers up when we take you bowling.




The League gives up on the Spurs to go see Batman Begins

So, this evening at half-time, the Spurs appeared to be within a hair's breadth of having the bejeezus kicked out of them by an astoundingly invigorated-looking Pistons team. Jamie and I sighed, looked at one another and decided to take in a viewing of Batman Begins.



Followers of the Batman comics will find that the script has stuck to familiar characters from the Year One storyline, adding in elements of later stories (no Scarecrow in Year One) as well as picking up the 90's-era explanation of Batman's background (which I believe was created by Christopher Priest). The only notable addition to the cast of characters is the Bruce Wayne love interest, Rachel Dawes, played by Tom Cruise's new romantic prop.

Unlike previous Bat-films, this movie follows the pattern set out by Superman The Movie and Spider-Man, giving us a good hour of film introducing the audience to the central character before allowing him/ her to put on a cape/ mask. The movie acts as a comprehensive origin story which could provide ample footing for the sure-to-be-made sequels.

Director Christopher Nolan is also responsible for the screenplay, teaming with former comics-scribe David Goyer (JSA). Nolan's casting director deserves bat-kudos for his/ her role in selecting the players. Certainly the casting (which almost read like an comic-internet geek's who's who of dream casting) helped to elevate the movie. While the script is certainly good, good material in the wrong hands can land you with your typical Schumacherian take on the Caped Crusader.

Gotham is not the Anton Furst post-Blade Runner city scape which The League has always liked. But, you know, the design changes really went with an idea Nolan uses to sell Batman this time around: Batman is a person. He doesn't live in a mythical, fantastic city. He lives in a city you can believe is a plane flight away. And while you might not personally know any ninjas, Bruce Wayne has trained with highly proficient martial artists, which you might believe. And he doesn't build all his stuff himself. He co-opts from his own company's R&D department. he has to buy his masks mail-order from China. He uses a lathe to make bat-shuriken.

A lot of comic fans have selected Batman as their favorite superhero because he's "just a guy", and doesn't rely upon magic power rings or an invisible jet to get the job done. And while The League is an avid Batfan, we never bought this argument. After all, with all the work it would take to complete the Batcave with just Bruce and Alfred as labor, it's difficult to visualize Bruce having much in the way of time enough to go out and do any crime-fighting at all. Not to mention the difficulty of maintaining a bat-plane, boat and endless supply of Bat equipment.

Batman Begins tends to stick to a certain reality slightly closer to our own as it visualizes what near-future or not-yet-to-market technologies and a pie-in-the-sky budget could do towards bringing a person toward collecting the famed Bat-arsenal. In fact, this movie probably makes one of the best arguments since Year One regarding how on earth this whole Batman thing would work without Bruce being found out in a week or two.

Although the movie is somewhere over two hours, certain elements do seem overly compressed. The Bruce-Rachel relationship doesn't get enough attention for the audience to really become invested (an element which a viewing of Spider-Man before a rewrite might have helped solve). Batman also seems singularly fixed on one mission for the duration of the film. We don't see Batman getting involved in multiple situations and building the reputation which he seems to suddenly have among the Gotham criminal community.

Before the film came out, there was quite a bit of concern regarding the Bat-Suit. And as fans of the 1989 version of the movie will recall, that fear probably was well-founded. Keaton's suit looked great. As long as he stood absolutely still.

There are times when I wish the Bat-suit makers would try to just cover Batman's eyes completely and get those great white slits he has in the comics. It would resolve the issue of the black make-up around the eyes and make Bats all the more more menacing. And I'd buy the "you have to act with your eyes" argument a lot more if Spidey hadn't raked in a billion dollars with red pantyhose and sunglasses over his head.

The movie is rated PG-13, and rightfully so. The villain here is the Scarecrow, and the visuals tied to Scarecrow's fright gas would have melted my brain at age 8. He is one scary dude (and written better in this movie than I can recall him being written in the comics since that Grant-Breyfogle issue I alluded to earlier this week).

If this is what DC and WB are doing for their properties, count The League in. While the movie wasn't "true" to the comics from a chronological retelling of the Bat-Mythos, the characters remained true to what's on the page, and the tone matched the Batman books of the past 15 years. I do anticipate that some movie-goers will have a problem with that. I sincerely do. Even Burton kept some "Pow! Whap! Comics are for Kids!" stuff in his cartoony world of Batplanes and Jokermobiles. People expect it, and when you defy people's expectations at the box office, a lot of times you pay for it.

But I like it.

I'll probably be doing another viewing in pretty short order, and I am sure it will be then that I'll see the plot holes and a bucket load of other problems, but for now, I've got a Batman movie I never thought I'd see, cared for by people who wanted to believe in the aspects of the character that have kept him popular for more than 60 years.

Sadly, The Spurs got their asses handed to them by a margin of 30 points.

***update***

I failed to mention Gary Oldman nailing his portrayal of a pre-Commissioner Jim Gordon. Well done.

***IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER***
Do NOT read the comments section if you haven't seen the movie. Randy has spilled the beans on an important plot point.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

The inevitable disappointment of dealing with a large corporation's consumer complaint department.

Hello Melbotis:
Thank you for taking the time to contact McDonald's. We always appreciate hearing from our customers and apologize for any misunderstanding with your previous contact.

The phrase "fruit buzz" is just an advertising slogan that is associated with eating the Fruit and Walnut Salad and refers to the refreshing taste of the salad.


We value your comments and will share them with the appropriate people at McDonald's.Once again, thank you for taking the time to contact McDonald's. We hope to have the opportunity of serving you again soon.

(customer service rep's name removed by The League)


McDonald's Customer Response Centerref#:2852205
Sometimes, as a proponent of the comics of Superman, I lose sight of the forest for the trees.

As you might know, "Superman Returns" is being filmed in Australia at the moment. (Truth, Justice and the Australian Way...?) Warner Bros. is producing the movie, and by no small coincidence owns DC Comics as well as Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman and many of the other heroes you've seen described here in these pages.



The fact is, most people on the street would be hard pressed to tell you either who publishes Superman comics, or which company owns DC Comics. And that's fine, from a certain point of view. I am sure DC and WB would like for the branding of WB, DC and Superman to go hand-in-hand, but that's a tough sell, especially when the real primary concern is selling licensing and product.

I'm not sure how accurate this is, but I've heard that DC's comics themselves CAN lose money (but it's not smiled upon) as long as they publish and print enough to assist in keeping the Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman licenses viable. In short, what WB really values is the ability to make movies, sell toys, and license the image of Superman to put his face and highly recognizable logo on boxes of Fig Newtons. It's all income at some point.

And there's some pay-off. As many tickets as were sold to both X-Men movies, it was less likely that all age groups were willing to don an X-Men baseball cap.

As a reader of comics who sincerely enjoys his monthly adventures of The Man of Steel, sometimes I forget that it's not necessarily Superman's never-ending battle for the betterment of Earth that folks find appealing. Sometimes it's just the symbol seen for kitsch value, or emblematic of power one would like to associate oneself with (I see a lot of Superman stickers on the F-250's). And you know what? That's fine.

Superman is ingrained in the psyche not just of the U.S., but, in fact, of the entire world. He's a huge, mythological symbol of hidden strength and power used for the right purposes. He's instantly recognizable and yet unknowable. In a few hundred years, he could be up there with Hercules and Perseus as a mythological figure for the 20th Century. Who knows?

Superman, however, apparently holds some cachet in virtually all demographics as a licensable idea. You can read about it here.

Now, The League is a collector by nature and has already infiltrated almost all corners of League HQ with different aspects of The Man of Steel. And while Jamie is a patient and understanding person, one wonders how much Kryptonian Kookiness she will be able to endure with the proliferation of the Superman theme as the release date for "Superman Returns" nears.

If the linked article is any indication, I am just several months from Superman wash cloths and a shoe horn.

2006 looks as if it shall be a Super Year.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Hello Melbotis:

Thank you for taking the time to contact McDonald's.

You may be interested to know that "fruit buzz" is just an advertising slogan that is associated with eating the Fruit and Walnut Salad. We're sorry if you are disappointed with this commercial. We take pride in producing commercial messages that will be enjoyed. We certainly never intended for it to offend anyone. Your comments have been shared with our advertising staff and independent advertising agency who work together to develop our commercials. Please know your feedback is helpful and will be considered in the future planning of our commercials.


Again, thank you for taking the time to share your feedback with us. Your trust and confidence in our company's tradition of producing high quality advertising are important to us.

(name withheld)


McDonald's Customer Response Centerref#:2849033

The League has resubmitted his original question to the nutrition group at McDonalds, but has not yet given up on holding a conversation with McDonald's regarding their ad campaign. The League has a sneaking suspicion that the responder located The League before replying as she did not even TRY to address the concerns of The League.

The League writes:

RE: McDonald's Customer Response Centerref#:2849033
Dear McDonald's,

As a longtime customer of your restaurants, I confess to being more than a little disappointed to learn from your customer service rep that "You may be interested to know that "fruit buzz" is just an advertising slogan that is associated with eating the Fruit and Walnut Salad." And, then, of course, the inevitable form letter.

If no "buzz" is to be gotten from consuming the salad, as advertised, I have a difficult time understanding what, exactly, it is you are marketing. I would like a full description of how McDonald's Restaurants defines a "fruit buzz."

Further, I am incensed that you have refused to address concerns noted in my previous correspondence.

Sincerely,

Melbotis Steans

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

The League presents:
Suggestions for Further Reading

Batman and Me

Superman may be the superhero about whom The League harbors a pathological obsession. But it wasn't always that way.

It's the battle of nature vs. nurture trying to decide how The League became interested in superheroes. In truth, the fascination goes back to well before The League has any true recollection. But we've heard in anecdote and seen in snapshots the early signs of trouble.

I kid you not, my first word was "Batman."

At least this is the story passed down over the years in the Steans Clan. The baby-book speaks a different story. It claims I said, "Mom" first, but when you ask the woman herself, she always says, "I don't remember that. I remember 'matman'."

Matman, indeed.

This tale has been verified through a cousin. My dad claims little or no memory of actual first words. However, evidence suggests that even if it wasn't the first word, it was the first interest.

With a blanket tied around my neck and a pacifier in my mouth, apparently I patrolled the hallways of our apartment. The inspiration, of course, was the Adam West starring Batman television program (1966), then running in syndication.


Why, yes, Commissioner. He has no idea the show is supposed to be funny. He's 2.

Simultaneously, both Superfriends and a Batman cartoon were running on Saturday mornings.

The League only vaguely remembers the Batman cartoon running at the time. It played with Tarzan and The Lone Ranger as an hour of action.


Batman flees in fear from his own car.

Batman in the Superfriends cartoon seemed to be in a tough spot. With Wonder Woman, Green Lantern and others covering all the heavy lifting, usually it was up to Batman and Robin to sort of stand around and lose their utility belts whenever a villain showed. Batman was sort of prone to speechifying, but he had an endless supply of vehicles and gadgets, and the other heroes seemed to take him fairly seriously.


The Superfriends... a friendship which seemed sort of forced in order to keep their PR people happy.

I had a Batman costume for Halloween when I was 3 or 4. My mom dutifully tied the highly flammable plastic sack over my clothes and allowed me to wander into traffic, peering through the narrow slits of a scratchy, plastic mask.

When not in full Halloween mode, I had an everyday Batman cape I could wear playing in the yard or basement. My Grandma had somewhere found an iron-on of a Neal Adams inspired Batman and had fixed it to the back of the cape.

I continued to watch the Superfriends cartoon until it ran it's course and was eventually replaced with something like Hammerman. I don't really recall.

In second grade I received a Fisher Price tape player and a book/ tape combination of Batman and Robin in "The Case of the Laughing Sphinx". The art in the book was actually top-flight comic art by Carmine Infantino, I believe, and was actually well voice-acted. In addition, the story contained not just Robin's origin (which some poor voice actor had to play), but also several major players in Batman's Rogues Gallery. Robin's origin is dramatic, sad, and oddly dated. His parents were circus acrobats killed by some crooks shaking down the circus they worked for. Anyway, it's probably too complicated to go into here.

We'd had a storybook record of Batman back in the day, but I don't remember much about it. I sort of wonder if it's still under my parents TV tucked in with the other vinyl.

In third grade my parents bought me a Batman comic book. I think he was fighting some guy who had hi-jacked a dirigible. What I remember most was that Batman said, "damn." I can't tell you how much this jacked with my head. Batman was the nice guy who hung around with an idiot teen-ager in swim trunks. At my house you ate a bar of soap for calling somebody "dummy" in front of my parents, so I was utterly unprepared for Batman to drop the "d-bomb" in the course of a crime involving a large balloon.

It was not until years later that I would again pick up a Batman comic.

But in middle-school I began picking up issues of Detective Comics and Batman, published by DC. I was fascinated by the sharp, angular art of Norm Breyfogle and the punchy writing of Alan Grant.


I think the scene on the cover never really happens. In fact, I think Robin (Jason Todd) was dead at this point.

As if this wasn't all enough, at some point I picked up a copy of Frank Miller's genre-defining work, The Dark Knight Returns.


Batman and Robin (Carrie Kelly) are takin' it to the street...

An "imaginary" story of Batman, aged 55 and 10 years retired from crime-fighting, Dark Knight Returns re-imagined Batman as a man truly possessed. The series redefined Batman as the grim, relentless bone-breaker that carries through to today's comics.

The series did little to draw in new fans of Superman, painting him as a stooge for a corrupt authority (an idea rectified with a vengeance in the sequel, The Dark Knight Strikes Again).


Bruce and Clark debate the finer points of over-sized golf shoes.

I went nuts.

Suddenly I was wearing a Batman shirt to school two days a week (out of my rotation of 5-6 Batman shirts). I drew Batman on book covers, on folders, in the margins of notes in class. I spouted off Batman trivia as often as possible and planned my own Batcave.

And, lucky for me, right around this time Tim Burton released his movie version of "Batman" starring Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson.


So very hard to fight crime in a neck brace...

This led to a common scene in the six months leading up to the movie as my classmates approached me in the hall to inform me, "Hey, they're making a Batman movie. Did you know that?"

Yes. Yes, I did.

I returned home from basketball camp the day the movie was released. Even on the way home I was informed Peabo's mother had gone out and bought us tickets for the 7:00 show at Barton Creek Mall.

My mother, who had less superheroic priorities, insisted I mow the lawn before leaving. I literally ran, pushing the lawn mower, finishing mowing the lawn in record time. Even Jason was impressed.

Of course, I lacked anything like objectivity, declared it the greatest monument of human achievement, and saw the movie four more times in the theater that summer.


a 14-year old League knew that criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot

Special thanks to Jeff and Sandy Beno for supplying this pic. They sent it in this year's Christmas card. Peabo, Reedo and Steanso will remember this era all too well


In high school I went underground with my Batmania. Something finally clicked between my ears that informed me that maybe girls weren't as nuts about a man in tights and his young ward as I might be.

My high-school girlfriend was a sport and saw "Batman Returns" with me.

I was still picking up the comics, but not on a monthly basis anymore. Just when villains, artists, etc... struck my fancy.


Just giving me some really unrealistic expectations of what girls were going to be like after high school...

At this point, Bruce Timm and Paul Dini launched Batman: The Animated Series, a series which dug into the purest elements of the Batman comics ever brought to screen. Initially, I had assumed that the series would be a kids show bent on selling toys, but, instead, each episode was an intricately crafted Batman story.


Batman realizes he has the world's most obnoxious beeper.

Most interesting about the Batman Animated Series is that it tied directly in with the later Superman Animated Series, Batman/ Superman Adventures and later Justice League and Justice League Unlimited. In total, this televised portrayal of Batman has been guided by roughly the same creative voices since about 1992.

In college I still picked up Batman books, and somewhere located a map of the Batcave that, for some reason, I pinned to my dorm room wall. It was like instant girl repellent, but it did help me to quickly sort through which girls I was going to want to deal with.

I suffered through the Joel Schumacher movies, Batman Forever and Batman and Robin.

Jamie seemed to tolerate Batman fairly early on, and, just a year after we began dating, actually read "Dark Knight Returns" in its entirety. Thus winning the approval of The League's sizable inner-child. Most importantly, she didn't just read the comic, she actually engaged in an interesting discussion with me after she had finished the comic.

Can't tell you how important that was.

To this day, Jamie continues to watch the Batman cartoons on DVD when i watch them. She knows the schedule for JLU air dates. And in 1999, she was Catwoman for Halloween.


Roar?

I now have about three long boxes full of Batman comics, having jumped fully back into the Batcomics once more in 2000. This is not to mention a shelf-full of Batman collections. League HQ is also home to a large collection of Batman toys, models and a growing Batmobile collection, several movies on DVD, as well as the animated series on DVD. In truth, The League sees no end in sight to an ever-growing appreciation of the Dark Knight Detective.

Of course we're both super-psyched for the new Batman Begins film, opening on Wednesday. Jamie is probably more excited about Christian Bale zipping about than I am, but we agree that this is the Batmovie we've been waiting for.

If reviews trickling in are any indication, no Loyal Leaguer shall be disappointed.






For prior editions of Suggestions for Further Reading, you can click here.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Steven G. Harms is a genius.

Recently, The League has been severely annoyed at McDonalds' advertising of a promised "fruit buzz" from eating the fruit cup they've begun to schill in the wake of the SuperSize Me phenomena.

Being McDonalds, it's not enough that it's a cup of fruit. It also contains "candied walnuts".

From the McDonalds' website:

Fruit & Walnut Salad:
Apple Slices and Red Grapes, Low Fat Yogurt, Candied Walnuts


My question is, of course, what is a "fruit buzz?" Is it the feeling you get in your body when you are no longer filling it with happy meals?

Steven had other well-deserved gripes concerning the quality of McDonalds' advertising, and sent them a letter.

And, McDonalds, terrified of losing one customer to Captain D's, I guess, wrote back.

The League LOVES when low-paid mouth-pieces are forced to write-back about consumer questions. We also like to call the phone numbers on toothpaste tubes and soda cans in order to find out what info they can reveal about the product.

It appears that McDonalds is directly attacking questions regarding their product by pointing to "flawed science" in "SuperSize Me." Of course, it's not really what Steven was asking about, and I'm not really concerned about getting fat from fruit-cups. What I am concerned about is getting addicted to the emotional high resultant to the fruitbuzz experience.

So, Melbotis sat down and penned a letter to Mickey D's.


Dear McDonalds Restaurants,

I have recently begun to follow health standards proposed by McDonald’s and the Food and Drug Administration. Coincidentally, McDonalds has also taken steps to provide choices which appeal to me as health-conscious consumer.

However, I am concerned by the advertised “Fruit Buzz” affect touted by your advertising and attributed to the fruit cup.

Unfortunately, I am not entirely clear on how the fruit cup is considered to be entirely fruit. I have noticed that McDonalds has chosen to include sugar-coated nuts in the fruit cup, as well as some sort of cream which covers the fruit.

Is the promised “fruit buzz” delivered by the fruit itself, or does the sugar covering the nuts, or, alternatively, the creamy sauce on the fruit, provide the “fruit buzz.”

Perhaps I am unclear as to what you might mean by ‘buzz.” I am forced to assume that the promised buzz is engendered by a state of well-being artificially induced by a chemical change in the consumer’s make-up brought on by ingestion of the fruit cup. Such as, “I drank that six-pack of Pabst, and now I am enjoying an excellent ‘buzz’.”

My question is two-fold.

1) Is it reasonable to assume that instead of consuming alcohol and other drugs in the future, I will reach a similar state by merely digesting a fruit cup?
2) If so, as a recovering alcoholic, do I need to worry about an addiction to the promised highs related to the fruit cup?

In the past I have enjoyed fruit in many different forms. Dried. Baked. Fresh. Canned. Pickled. Roasted. At times, the fruit would even be accompanied by a side-dish of cream or embedded in a mold of Jell-o. At no time did I experience anything like the “buzz” I experienced while I was drinking.

I would like to know how the McDonalds fruitcup is different, and what physiological effects I can expect.

Your loyal customer,


Melbotis Steans
Nancy Grace is going to go apeshit.


Sunday, June 12, 2005

SPURS WIN!!!! SPURS WIN!!!! SPURS WIN!!!!
SPURS WIN!!!! SPURS WIN!!!! SPURS WIN!!!!
SPURS WIN!!!! SPURS WIN!!!! SPURS WIN!!!!
SPURS WIN!!!! SPURS WIN!!!! SPURS WIN!!!!

Saturday, June 11, 2005

So, The League returns from Vegas.

The League's last visit to Vegas bridged 9-11-2001.
During a visit which occured prior to 9-11, I was watching CNN with a co-worker while Harris and Klebold changed what it meant to go to high school.

So, you know, The League was sort of wondering what national tragedy was going to light up the headlines while we were away. Looks like we got off lucky.

In truth, it was a very un-Vegasish Vegas trip. No walking of the Strip or Freemont street. Virtually no gambling. No shows. Only a handful of hookers and drug deals gone bad.

Due to circumstances beyond The League's control, instead of leaving Tuesday after work as planned, The League didn't get out until Wednesday morning.

On the flight, I was trying to mind my own business and read my book, and ended up sitting next to a guy hitting on a married woman for the entire duration of the flight. Even more creepy, I think she was going for it to some extent. Both were dumb as dirt, and the woman made it very clear she'd spent her adult life living off of a series of wealthy men while the guy lied about being in the Marines (I'd heard him talk about his 2003 discharge on my way down the ramp to the plane).

Conference was nice. Took place at the Hilton and the Convention Center. Ran into folks from my employing university and a few other folks I know.

The League was nominated for an award, but we lost. The pain quickly subsided as The League's evening was paid for by the company sponsoring the awards in the first place. First, we watched the Spurs defeat the mighty Pistons in a hard-fought contest and drank a lot of beer. Then we moved on to a steak house which looked like a cheesy set from Miami Vice and had a really good meal and some wine. Then we went to the Ghost Bar atop The Palms casino.

You know, it doesn't matter how much money you spend or how how much time has passed. I always feel like odd-man out at the 8th-grade dance when I go to a club. It just makes me want to crawl out of my skin. The League has a few social issues he's working on, but large crowds and having to scream to be heard makes us want to run for our life.

I stayed down at the far-end of The Strip, and the truth is, Circus Circus is a really weird place. It's not a high-end expensive-type place like the Bellagio, and it draws a different clientele. Nice folks. Less flashy. Folks who enjoy a good clown-theme when they see one.

Vegas, itself, smells bad. It's a city which makes money off of getting as dirty as possible 24 hours a day. The air in the casinos smells awful and is weird and recycled. I'd say it's what the guys must be breathing on the ISS, but astronauts don't contend with millions of retirees puffing on their Kools. Outside, once it gets a might-bit warm, it always sort os smells like someone might have cut one just and you walked right into it. I can only guess where the smell comes from, and it seems confined to the far-end of The Strip. But it's there.

Today The League conferenced again. Then we went to the midway at Circus Circus for about an hour, then we flew away. Luckily, this time I sat with a 10 year old girl who spoke no english, but was really very nice. We looked at the SkyMall catalog together and she told me about a few products in Spanish. She wound up getting the stuffed dog I won for Jamie on the midway for not being obnoxious like the folks on my flight in.

My folks are in tomorrow.

Gotta go check e-mail.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Some odds and ends before I depart:

1) While not a contest, Leaguers sent in some great names for Nathan's new blog.

We now have:

Attack of the Cones
Send in the Cones
Mr. Blog
Nathan's New Groove
Corn!
The Wrath of Cone
Coneferous

And my personal favorite: The DaVinci Cone

I do believe this one somehow crossed the line from giddy silliness to certain sublime absurdity. Is Nathan the sacred feminine? An inverted Cone, if you will?

Nathan has suggested, himself: I Like Cold Water

This title also seems like a good fit for Nathan. Of course, there is no guarantee of a blog appearing at all, but I think Nathan has to be happy to know that maybe he'd get some spillover readers from The League if he did, indeed, launch his own journal. That, and Nathan routinely broadcasts his own voice to the greater San Antonio area, so he's got a better chance at drawing folks in. This is in contrast to The League who can't even keep the attention of a puppy.


2) Heroes and Villains

I felt as if we had acceptable participation in the "who do you like for a villain" sweepstakes.

Jim felt the need to bring up MadCap, and has been dealt with. The very fact that I can't find a decent bit of reference on MadCap should tell you something.

The League will be working on a Top 10 villain countdown. We may even do a top 10 Marvel Villain AND a Top 10 DC villain countdown. But that all depends on comments posted below.


3) Site redesign

So, what do you chumps think? Telling you guys how long this took would be totally embarassing as it would reveal exaclty how much I don't know about html.

You may recall the former color-scheme. Some time ago, when we were ready to leap head-first into blogging, The League had sort of picked the least offensive template we could find and just stuckw ith it. But recently, we'd begun to feel a little down about an orange, red and green scheme. It just didn't scream "HEY, KIDS! COMICS!" Also, the many, many items tossed into the html gutters around the daily copy had sort of left The League feeling as if the site was looking like a yard sale.

So, anyway, MAKEOVER!!! (You must all find a copy of Clone High, Season 1. Do it now.)

Masters of site design, Jim D. and RHPT, have been making suggestions. I've taken them all under consideration, and the ideas have really worked. I think. Randy's suggestion to make all of the text scrolling blink tags is still in the works. You can expect to see animated gifs of torches here soon.


4) Saw Madagascar this weekend. I wasn't expecting much, but it was pretty funny. Most kids' movies have a sort of sappy moral homily buried under the fart jokes and grannies falling down. Madagascar is mostly moral-lesson free. That is, unless you want for your kids to be prepared with a moral compass should you guys ever get stuck on a trip and suddenly you realize your dinner reservations are under "Donner, party of four... no, three!".

Anyway, maybe not something for which you'd pay full-price, but it's a decent renter, or maybe worth matinee price.


5) Batman Begins was screened at a comic convention in Philadelphia. Reviews have been universally glowing, which is extremely rare in the nitpicky world of comic geeks.

I'm excited. Expect a full "Batman and Me" post in the near future.


6) I read "Mage: The Hero Discovered" over the weekend. While aspects of 80's comic storytelling linger, it's an enjoyable read with classic Matt Wagner art. I kept thinking Jason would have liked this series during it's initial run, and I'm not sure how he missed it.




7) Ring a ding-ding

Off to Vegas. Jim D. called to let me know of a targeting range off the Strip which works on an hourly rate. Apparently, under close supervision, one can rent an M-16, an uzi, or any number of firearms. Then, one buys a box of ammunition and unleashes a lot of frustration upon a helpess paper target.

The League isn't nuts about guns in general, but this, Leaguers, sounds right up our alley.

Also, Lt. LT chimed with some Las Vegas ideas. Well, one idea: El Cortez Casino. Sounds like exactly The League's sort of place. Not much appears to have been updated since the El Cortez's booming 1960's success. If the low-fi website is any indication, it seems a swell time.

8) Return to Comics must be reading The League. Which is good. We're reading Return to Comics, and we highly recommend it.

Return To Comics also brought up Halo, who The League probably had some sort of twisted crush on back in the mid-80's. Alas, Halo was much older than me, sort of dead/ sort of a cosmic entity, and a fictional character. It just didn't work out.


It was the 80's. I was 11. I have no further explanation.


9) The League was meaning to react (or, more accurately, opine) to The Beat's recent postings about the perception of women in comic books as well as the role of women working in the comics industry.

here

and here

I do want to get to this, because I do think it's an important topic and not much discussed. When it is discussed, the topic of women in comics is usually addressed on comic fan sites and message boards with all the maturity you would expect out of grown men who think they can never get too close to anyone, because if their enemies ever learned who they really were...

But rather than dwell for too long on social issues, The League turns to the schadenfreude you've come to love and respect.

Here, Heidi notices The Invisible Girl is wearing an invisible dress. This one's for Jason.


10) Ya'll entertain yourself while The League is away. Mayhaps Mrs. League will materialize and fill in for The League while he confers with other folks working in his exciting new field. (Apparently if I can get five of MY friends to sell these exciting products, and they can each get five of THEIR friends to sell these exciting products...)
This person really knows not only how to hold a grudge, but really committed to her fairly unimpressive plan.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Comic convention season is upon the comic geek community. Wizard World Philly is currently going on.

The cover art to Jim Lee and Frank Miller's "All-Star Batman and Robin" was released.



Looks like it's going to live up to the promise.

No major Superman news to speak of.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Some bits and pieces

1) The League may be undergoing some aesthetic changes. Our content won't change much, except in the usual, organic sort of way as The League's interests flit from place to place. I do predict a decent into critical analysis of adult film by 2009.

The first sign of the change is the banner I made in Photoshop. It's directly above. Check it out.

2) Nathan Cone is considering launching a blog of his own, but he needs a title.

Thus far we have:

Attack of the Cones
Send in the Cones
Mr. Blog!
Nathan's New Groove
Corn!

and... (from Nathan himself)

I like cold water.


You know, Nathan should be able to make just about anything work. He's an interesting guy, he's got an interesting career, his wife is really cool, and when he runs out of material, he's got a kid to discuss. So I totally think Nathan should jump on this blog thing. Vote for your favorite title, Leaguers, and convince Nathan this blogging thing is where it's at.


3) Not so long ago a high school chum of The League resurfaced after several years of absence. Scott Wiser is a part-time musician, part-time film maker, and full-time master of funk.

At my behest, Scott sent along several videos he's worked on. The only downside is that Scott's been pretty busy making videos over the past few years, and so there's a lot to watch. I've only made it part way through the tape he sent. So far I've gleaned that Scott's got a good eye and an interesting, if off-kilter, story telling style that serves him well. And he's not afraid to still insert absurd chase sequences, just as we did in our 1992 collaboration "The Spatulator". A damn fine piece of film, that was.

Anyway, Scott's in a band. Austin Leaguers should seek him out. Unfortunately, I have no idea what the band is called, so, Scott, pipe up and let me know.

4) Next week The League will be on hiatus. The League is going to fabulous Las Vegas for three glorious days of EduComm excitement. If you plan to be in the greater Las Vegas area during this time, The League will be spending his days at EduComm and his evenings alone in a hotel room at Circus Circus eating circus peanuts, drinking malt liquor from the gift shop and watching basic cable.

Mrs. League is not going to Vegas, which sounds like a wacky time for The League. But the League has been associated with Mrs. League for so long that he tends to go a little stir crazy when he doesn't have Mrs. League around to keep him in check.

Anyway, I'm going to try to get a lot of stuff posted for you guys to read next week while I'm out.


5) They closed Bento Bar today. I went there at least once a week every week since I began working here in Arizona. Some weeks I ate there every single day. It's the end of an era.

6) The League un-celebrated his third anniversary in Arizona on the 1st of June. It feels like the winds of change may blow soon. Nothing going on. It's just a gut feeling.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Congratulations to the San Antonio Spurs, 2005 Western Conference Champions!

Great game. Seriously. Fantastic game. Wish the series could have gone on longer so I could have seen another one like that, but, hey... a little rest for San Antonio before the Finals.

Ginobili, Duncan and Parker looked great, and I think the whole team is going to smoke Eastern Conference in the Finals.

The Suns had a fantastic season with the highest number of regular season wins and the highest average scores all season.

One wonder show many players will return to The Suns next season. I hope we get them all back. I think next season will be even better.



Honestly, becoming a Suns fan has made living in the Valley of the Sun a lot more tolerable. It's given me something to enjoy which is directly tied to my local area. And God knows, anything which can improve life in this miserable desert is welcome.

We're not huge baseball fans at The League, so we haven't really taken to the Diamondbacks. We don't understand golf, so we've missed out on the PGA fun which occurs here semi-regularly. And we'd LIKE to know more about the Arizona Cardinals, but since they black out all home games which haven't sold out, we miss half of the games every year.

I've been a Spurs and Rockets fan for years, so I didn't think I'd ever jump ship, and I still don't really think I have. But they show every single Suns game on local TV out here, and after a while, you learn to pull for the hometown squad.

The Suns played great this year, and I'm hoping to get tickets to a few more games next year. We like watching games on TV, but The League has a deep, deep love of shouting at opposing teams from really bad seats.

So here's to a great 2004-2005 season. Let's hope 2005-2006 winds up at least as well.
Nanostalgia.com reviews the ideal of pop music bringing the world together.

The League would like to buy the world a coke.
10 minutes of clips from Batman Begins.
Villains...

It's tough to be a superhero without them. Not impossible, but it makes it tough. And, hey... There are really piles and piles of villains out there. After all, Batman's been kicking it since 1939 and he doesn't fight the Joker in every issue.


Batman's villains get together every week for a supervillain potluck.

In regards to my posting about favorite heroes, brother dearest, The Amazing Steanso, said:

By the way, I think it's a lot more fun to come up with a list of favorite supervillains than heroes (being flawed, they're just more interesting people). Here are three of my all time favorites:

1. The Marauders (from the X-Men's Mutant Massacre)
2. Ras Al Guhl (I understand that he may appear in Batman Begins, but I promise that I'm not just being trendy)
3. Braniac (from Superman)


So some of you guys currently or once read comics. And some of you have seen a superhero type movie or two. or maybe you have a favorite villain who isn't part of the cape and mask set. Maybe it's even Erica Kane. The League does not care.

So... Who do you guys like?

And why? (After all, villains are despicable criminals, aren't they?)


Black Manta, Scarecrow and Luthor enjoy a good larf as an old lady trips while crossing the street. Man, these guys are evil.

Seriously, I'm curious. You tell me who makes you shiver, and I'll do a top 10 list of awesome supervillains or something. I guarantee, it'll put that Villains train wreck on Bravo Network to shame. So sayeth The League.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

So, Congratulations to the Phoenix Suns. They won their first game in the series with the San Antonio Spurs for the Western Conference Championship. Sure they're three games down, but, it was one in the "W" column.

Part of me wishes they hadn't won, despite the fact that I've been following these guys all year long. The Eastern Conference is pretty good this year, and I would have liked to have seen San Antonio have a week to rest before the Finals began. Tim Duncan has been hurting a little bit, and a rest would do them good before facing off against either Detroit OR Miami.

But...

I didn't want to see The Suns get swept. They really are too good a team to just lose it in the Western Conference Championships, and they really were championship level this season. They've played hard, and they've been fun to watch, even when they don't win. Steve Nash took a lot of unnecessary hell for winning the MVP over Shaq this season, and if they'd been swept, I think he would have had a hard time ever shaking off the innuendo.

One quick criticism of the Spurs, which I am sure will draw the ire of mi hermano...

When did the Spurs start flopping every time an opposing player breathed in their direction? I never noticed them doing this a few years ago, but now everytime they get near somebody, they're flat on their back. Horry has really taken to this, but Ginobili and Parker pull their fare share of this maneuver as well.


Nash goes up while Ginobili flops like an Italian soccer player

I've watched enough play-off series to know that, barring an act of God, The Suns are not going to come back and win this series. But I'm glad they woke up long enough to put up a decent fight for at least one game.

Go, Suns!

Monday, May 30, 2005

So The League usually isn't one for beauty pageants, but there's not much else on and I'm trying to just mellow out before what is sure to be a goofy week fo work. And this evening the 2005 Miss Universe Pageant is on. And if you wanted a greater sign that American schools are failing us... I give you the following:

The program was hosted by TV-journalista extraordinaires Nancy O'Dell and Mr. Billy Bush of TV's ACCESS HOLLYWOOD!!!

When the final five were called out, Mr. Billy Bush first announced Miss Mexico. Next up was Ms. Puerto Rico. Ms. Dominican Republic was called third.

Upon calling up Ms. Puerto Rico, Billy Bush announced, "It's a South American dog fight in the final five!"

Then, calling down the fourth contestant, Billy Bush said, "Our first representative from North America, Miss Canada!"

The League writes:

Dear Mr. Billy Bush,

I may have gone to public school and attended a state university, but in those years, I did manage to stay awake long enough to learn a few items. Perhaps you were too busy cultivating your "talent", and could not make time for items such as maps and, say, knowing where shit is, as you studied the romantic history of Tom Cruise and what TV Heart-Throb David Hasselhoff thinks of going to the beach.

But as you are hosting the Miss Universe 2005 pageant, I thought this might come in handy:




On this map, you will see

1) The Dominican Republic
2) Puerto Rico
3) A sort of unpopulated blue patch between these places and South America.

I understand this map might not be very clear. The Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico are those tricky, smaller land masses called ISLANDS (this is why nobody could find Gilligan. He was on a small land mass surrounded by water).

So here's a picture of Mexico (it's that tiny place just South of California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas with a shared border of well over 1000 miles).




The League has been known to have been wrong, so we've turned to the Central Intelligence Agency to tell us a little bit about Mexico, just to make sure I didn't tell you anything that was incorrect.

According to the CIA (as well as The Minutemen currently playing GI Joe a few hours south of my home), Mexico is, in fact, just south of the the United States. Some might say it even shares a continent with the United States.

Here is a picture of South America. You will notice that Mexico, The Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico do not make an appearance. Not even as an island.




So, Mr. Billy Bush... Next time you agree to go on TV in front of the entire planet, it helps to know where the hell the contestants on your program are from. Especially when you, yourself, are estimating that 1 BILLION people are going to watch the telecast.

Just a helpful tip from your pals at The League.


Mr. Billy Bush brought up the fact that Ms. Canada was representing North America at least one additional time during the telecast. I am proud to say that North America (REAL North America, not those losers from Mr. Billy Bush's SOUTH AMERICA) won the contest. It should also be pointed out that Billy Bush hosted the Miss Universe program from Ecuador in 2004.

And it should also be noted that Miss Universe 2004 was clearly NOT wearing a bra when she came out to hand off her crown to Miss Universe 2005.