Monday, July 25, 2005

The League Journeys to BMT
a full report

As Jamie and I drove away from the airport today, heading home from our fabulous weekend, Jamie turned to me and said, "You really can't write anything funny about the weekend. Jim will hang himself."

True enough, I suppose. But the weekend was terribly fun, even if my personal amusement was at the expense and discomfort of others. Why? It's always about The League, here at The League.

This fine weekend, The League dumped off the pets at the PetsMart PetsHotel, jumped a plane and took a small journey to Spring, TX. We then popped over to Beaumont for the first ever Assemblage of Loyal Leaguers.

We arrived in Houston on Thursday, just in time for dinner. Had dinner with The League's parental units in their palatial suburban abode, hung out and rapped for a bit, and then toddled off to bed.

Friday was a day of slack. The League crawled out of bed, lurched downstairs and came face to face with young Kelsey B., my folk's two-year-old next door neighbor. Kelsey is about 22" of pure dynamo, and we're all expecting big things out of her.

Dad and I sort of puttered and drank coffee, tried to do a headcount of who the hell all was coming to dinner my mother had planned, and then Jamie and I took to the pool at the Spring, TX annex of League HQ. The pair of us bobbed and floated, took in some daylight (which, refreshingly, wasn't cooking the meat off of our bones) and then chilled. The Admiral and I set sail for ice cream and ice, and made a side-trip for me over to Bedrock City Comics (a fine, fine chain of comic shops in Houston) where I picked up the seminal "Last Superman Story" issue, a signed John Bryne comic and a TPB of "Stray Toasters" which I had been looking for for about 15 years.

The admiral shook his head in disappointment and we headed for Kroger to get Vanilla and Magic Shell.

Loyal Leaguers Shannon C. and Josh Q. Lowry showed up first, followed quickly by John and Julie B. (married just this spring). Jason arrived in short order with Cassidy the three-legged dog in tow. Completing the massing, Peabo arrived with his long-suffering wife and utterly confused sister-in-law (who is in our fair nation studying up on her English).

I tried to catch up with as many folks as possible, but it was a bit of physical challenge, given how I hadn't seen most of the folks represented in many months. Nonetheless, the company of all in attendance was appreciated. We staye dup too late and talked possibly too much.

Saturday we all finally got out of bed, showered, ate and hit the road for BMT.

As Loyal Leaguers will be able to tell you, Jim D. is involved with the Board of Directors at Beaumont's historical Jefferson Theater. He's been involved with the Summer Film Series at the Jefferson, and, as such, had secured a print of the director's cut of the 1978 film masterpiece, Superman: The Movie.

With Steanso, Jamie and The League in one car, and Peabo, wife and sister-in-law in the other, we made it to BMT far later than originally planned. But that's the magic of trying to politely wrangle that many people, all of whom are there because they want to say hello to you, and all of whom have said they want to go along with your hare-brained scheme to see the Superman movie.

Well, something also got lost in the translation (literally) as Jeff explained to Adriana and Lucy that we were going to a Sneak Preview of "the new Superman movie." Jeff's not a "details" sort of guy, I suppose, and the change fo plans didn't bother him. Further, he'd promised a beach to Adriana and Lucy, but a beach was not to be had. Alas.

Anyhoo, our merry troop met up with Jim D. and RHPT.com at Carlo's Ristorante in Beaumont, and for the first time, I met RHPT.

Firstly, Randy is exactly the same height I thought he'd be. No taller nor shorter. Nor larger nor smalled. His photographs pretty much tell the whole picture. What the photos can't convey is that Randy's a very nice, sharp guy with an odd tale to tell about a flood in his house.

We had a lovely lunch at Carlo's, then headed over to Jim's preferred comic shop, at which I found a few Superman comics which I snatched up immediately. One of which was the classic "Kryptonite No More" comic from back in the day, which I suspect was a bit underpriced.

From there we took a colorful tour of the back streets of BMT, trying to get around a train. I thought maybe Jim planned to kill us all and dump our bodies in the tall grass, but we eventually did located the Jefferson Theater.


The Stately Jefferson Theater


The Marquee announcing a line-up sure to make fanboys wet themselves

Let me state that The Jefferson easily rivals Austin's Paramount Theater in it's decor and venerable charm.

We entered the lobby to the sound of pipe-organ music, which Steanso pointed out was playing "YMCA". The Jefferson employs an organist, a wonderful gentleman we had opportunity to speak with, who also had music for Superman, which he had mastered.

I was disappointed only in that I don't live in BMT and will not be there in the next few weeks for the Wild West Series which he has promised to preceed with "The Magnificent Seven" and other great themes from some of my favorite movies.


There was a very nice man playing the organ, but, clearly, he was not playing when I went downstairs to get a picture.

We were also referred to a few pizza joints in town and told to ask for specific organists. So Jamie and I are actually going to go to Pipe Organ Pizza this weekend if Lou is playing. Should be fun.

Jim suggested we go to the balcony for the best view and to get a nice, old-timey theatrical experience, so we went upstairs and selected some seats.


Included in this shot are some of the pipes to the pipe organ. Plus an idea of how nice the interior is at the Jefferson. Shot, I might add, from the balcony.


Jamie demonstrates the proper enthusiasm for Superman: The Movie

The lights dimmed, we took our seats and the movie began.

Look, sometimes things happen nobody can control, and, people, it's not Jim's fault. But just as the Planet Krypton exploded into a radioactive mass, hurling kryptonite chunks to the far reaches of space, the projector died. Or, more accurately, the shutter broke on the projector.

The organist leapt back to his position and kids began dancing around the theater, some family stole our seats and Randy fell asleep, complaining of exhuastion.


Steanso eagerly awaits the next reel of the film.

But, as I say, sometimes things happen.

Sadly, the film could not be shown, and we all got refunds.


The League Assembles!
left to right, RHPT.com, Steanso, Lucy, Adriana, Peabo, Mrs. League

Jim had some business to take care of at the theater, so we abandoned him and took our ticket money and headed for Crockett Street where we holed up for the next few hours and drank beer and chatted.

All said, we had a really good time talking to Jim and meeting Randy. It was a heck of a lot of fun to actually see each other and not rely on comments sections and e-mail to communicate.

Jim has apologized, and it's totally unnecessary. He's a champ for getting the film in the first place, and we all apprecaite the work he did. Sometimes technical glitches happen.

Anyhoo, we were SUPPOSED to fly out Sunday morning, but Jamie wasn't feeling well at all, so we delayed and flew out today instead.

So, long story short, I spent Sunday chilling out with my mom.

Anyway, thanks again to all Loyal Leaguers who could participate, and special thanks to Jim for making the whole thing possible. You're #1 in my book.


Why city authorities have requested Superman just fly over intersections instead of pressing the button and waiting for the cross-walk.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

On the road... again.

The League is off for the trip to Spring/ Beaumont.

If you want to catch up with The League, I'll check e-mail routinely. Send e-mail to melbotis or myself. I'll be happy to send along my cell # to identifiable Loyal Leaguers.

Up, up and AWAY!!!!
James Doohan Passes Away

When I was a kid, KBVO showed Star Trek in the late afternoon. I was fascinated with the complex stories, crazy concepts, melodrama and the endless rainbow of alien women Kirk picked up in his voyages across the stars. (But why not pick up Uhura? She was smart, sassy, always cool and collected, and Star Fleet uniforms require female officers to have nice legs... The League suspects that Kirk fears commitment)

But I didn't idolize Kirk. McCoy was too much of a cranky space doctor, and Spock... Spock was sort of too cool and distant to really want to idolize.

Now, Scotty. Scotty got to take over the ship whenever the big kids went planetside, he was usually safely out of harm's way, and he ran his own shop down there with his dilithium crystals. Sure, the Captain could yell at you that he needed more power, but he didn't know how to get that power, did he? No. Scotty did, so how could he even really check up on you without admitting defeat and having to send that freak, Spock? Also, Scotty would duck out of engineering anytime he felt like it to go beaming people up and down from planetside.

Yup, I thought Scotty was all right. And while I was fully aware I lacked the capacity to be an engineer, I did learn that being in a position of power with absolutely no resposibility tied to it can be a glorious thing.

In the Star Trek movies Scotty was used both as a Deus Ex Machina and as comedic relief, and James Doohan finally got the praise he deserved. He also appeared in Satr Trek: The Next Generation as Scotty.

Sadly, Jimmy Doohan passed away today.

He will be fondly remembered at The League.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

THE LEAGUE GOES TO HOUSTON, BEAUMONT
JOIN THE LEAGUE AT A SCREENING OF SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE

Hey, The League is headed to meet up with RHPT.com, Jim D., Steanso and a cast of thousands for a screening of Superman: The Movie.

Friday we're in Houston (Spring), and Saturday we're all headed for the BMT, and you should be, too.

We'll be at the Jefferson Theater around 3:15 - 3:30pm on Saturday for the screening of Superman: The Movie. The show starts at 3:45.

For details and the Jefferson Theater website, click here.

Afterward, we plan to hang about in Beaumont and have a drinky drink somewhere near the theater.

Want to be a part of the action?

Well, try showing up, and then locating the two lumbering giants with the very pale girl, and you'e just found The Family Steans.

It is The League's sincere hope that, plied with enough booze, Steanso will be convinced to reenact the famous "railway" sequence from the film.

If you want to try to meet up, e-mail me by clicking the image of the Justice League up in the top left corner of the site.
Comic Artist Jim Aparo dies at age 72.

Go here to read The Beat's coverage.

Jim Aparo was a penciller and artist on Batman and Detective Comics when I was first getting into the Batman books. To this day I still consider Aparo and Norm Breyfogle to be the guys I associate most with Batman comic art. Frames from Aparo's "Death in the Family" series are still locked in my mind as seminal Batman images.



One bit of trivia: DC has a map of Gotham somewhere in their offices that they use for consistency between writers as Batman and Co. make their way across town. So beloved was Aparo as a Batman artist that, like a few other Bat-artists before him, Aparo has a few landmarks in the fictional Gotham City officially named after him. The Aparo Expressway and Aparo Park will link his name with Batman for years and years to come. It's a small honor, but will help future readers learn more about the craftsmen who helped shape their favorite characters.

Thanks, Jim, for everything.

You can read more about Jim Aparo here.
For those of you who doubt that it is officially hot as a bastard out here in Phoenix, I suggest you read this article.

Monday, July 18, 2005

From the files of What the @#$%?

MECO visits The League





So, on December 2nd 2004, The League posted regarding the League's favorite Christmas album, cult holiday classic, Christmas in the Stars.

Anyhow, today Randy suggested I track down a certain perpetrator of ill-will toward Mother League, and a single name caught my eye.

meco

For some bizarre-o reason known only to HaloScan, it doesn't indicate that I have any comments on this post, but the post is actually rife with comments. Not the least of which is a comment from 70's and 80's pop superstar Meco, producer of Christmas in the Stars and Star Wars Disco.

Meco had this to say:

I am the producer of the Star Wars Christmas album. In answer to two of your questions - That is really John Bon Giovi singing. He was 17 at the time and is the cousin of my producing partner, Tony Bongiovi. I ausitioned several people to sing that song, and finally settled on John. That really is Anthony Daniels who flew into New York for one week to sing - or should I say speak - his parts. After my success with the dance versions of Star wars and The Empire Strikes Back, I worked very closely with George Lucas, who approved every song and lyric before I recorded it. After it was finished, George read the credits and had his secretary call me to ask if "Concept by Meco Monardo" - could be changed to - "Concept by George Lucas and Meco Monardo". The record compnay had already pressed 150,000 copies but agreed to make that change in the next pressing. Unfortunately, the record company, RSO Records, went out of business in November of 1980. Their number one group, The Bee Gees were going to sue them for back royalties.

Can you believe it? MECO HAS BEEN TO THE LEAGUE. It's a little like looking into the face of a bajillion stars. Only I still have my corneas and my skin dodn't burn off.

Meco must have been doing a little Googling when he found The League as he posted this in May, several months after the initial posting. And, as such, I almost didn't notice.

In a way, I now have to thank the person who said awful things in place of my mother, because without them, I never would have known Meco Monardo, or someone pretending to be Meco, had stopped on by at The League.

Part of why this is so odd is that the Meco Star Wars record was one of the first records I ever owned, right after Disco Duck and maybe the Grease soundtrack.

Man, this is weird. Wish I'd seen the post earlier.

For the weblink left by Meco, click here.

The League Looks to Brand Itself

Soooo...

I was up to no good last night and I noticed... it's exceedingly easy to go onto CafePress.com and set up a shop.

Now, I like to think it'll be a sweatshop of some sort with lots of little children toiling away in sub-Saharan heat, but thats MY dream.

The question I put to you is this: Is it worth my time and effort to go and set up a design or two for official League of Melbotis merchandise? Items would include t-shirts, caps and possibly coffee mugs.

Now, the nice thing about CafePress is that once the design is in, that's it. You'd order the shirt and, voila! You got a shirt in the mail in a few days. I know the ranks of The League are too small for me to even dream of trying to make money doing this, so I wouldn't add on any profit to the cost of the shirt. That should help keep costs down a bit.

If you think you'd be interested, post to the comments section.
For those of you wondering why my Charlie and the Chocolate Factory review was, ahem, brief...

I was actually trying to get a review completed for Comic Candy.

The review is full of grammatical errors, but I invite you to go check it out.

Review of All-Star Batman and Robin, the Boy Wonder

I've asked Jamie to review Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I will be reviewing the massive acne breakout I've suffered since going on my chocolate splurge.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Letters to Melbotis:

Hey,

So when does Lucy get to join the league?

Dad



Hello, Dad,

Melbotis very, very excited to hear from Admiral. Admiral is nice man who often have towel for Mel.

Unless this letter from Mel's dad. Which would be AMAZING. If so, Hello, Daddy. Mel never met you, but Mel suspect you were also a big boy. Mel is very happy to hear from you and hope you are having good life, but why you never write before? Perhaps you joined evil Empire like Darth Vader? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.....

Mel not ready to burn you on funeral pyre while teddy bears have party.

Anyhow, Lucy is very annoying, but chubby couch man say Lucy must stay. Sometime pale lady not so sure, but chubby couch man insist. Anyway, Mel mostly only figurehead at League and does not make much policy. BUT, last Mel heard, Lucy have Junior Membership in League, but not expected to perform duties of full-fledged members.

Mostly, Lucy run around and eat grass, chew on Mel's head and take away toys Mel want to play with. She live in box at night and during hot part of day. Chubby man explain this is "C.S.Tuh." Mel not understand.

Anyway, Daddy, Mel hope you are happy dog, and hope you know Mel is good boy and have own website. Hooray!

-Mel
THE LEAGUE REVIEWS:

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY


20 minutes into the movie, I thought that if someone didn't get me a @#$%ing chocolate bar, I was going to chew somebody's arm off.

The End

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Trapped in the Closet, The League bears witness

So...

Remember the dude who teamed with Michael Jordan and the Looney Tunes gang to teach a whole generation he could fly (or was it them? I can't recall...)? Just who was that man singing that inspirationally treacly tune?

R.Kelly. That's who. The film: Space Jam. Yeah, I saw it. Shut up.

R.Kelly then used the launchpad of his success with Taz and Co. to do two things:

1) create a series of videos which were operatic in nature, belying the over-produced goofiness of R.Kelly's substandard R&B stylings.

2) get charged with 21 counts of child pornography.

For the past few years, it's been the latter of R.Kelly's two achievements that has really been grabbing headlines.

Well, good news for music lovers. R.Kelly is back! And this time he's come with an astounding creative vision, an operatic saga of Wagnerian proportions. Crossing the span of five songs and five music videos, R. Kelly's opus is curiously dubbed "Trapped in the Closet".

Yes, "Trapped in the Closet." R.Kelly's not afraid of ducking the big social issues. Like picking up chicks at bars and then having to hide from their husbands in, you guessed it, the closet.

This sort of stuff more or less makes up the entirety of the 5-song cycle.

Now I know all of you want to dash off to watch all the videos, but maybe you don't have 20-25 minutes to dedicate today to R. Kelly? Well, The League is here to assist.

Remember how in the summer you'd get a job and you'd be working with people you just don't know in the slightest, and then in Day 2, they decide to start unloading all of their Jerry Springer personal lives on you? And you begin to formulate a theory that this person seems to have designed their model for proper behavior between human beings by watching endless hours of Melrose Place and The O.C.?

And despite the fact they're managing to bore you AND make you uncomfortable with their stories, you can't manage to just shush them. After all:

1) Your mama raised you to be polite and listen
2) You figure that if they're telling you, it must be very important and maybe they've decided you're the only person they can talk to (until you realize every single person around knows the entire story by heart by now)
3) You figure if they're bothering to tell you this incredibly convoluted story with a half dozen characters and an obvious chain of incredibly poor choices on the part of the narrator, my GOD, there's got to be a point...

And then the person finishes the story and asks you what you what you think, and you're left standing there wondering, since their story has made you seriously consider the legitimacy of mandatory sterilization for the very first time, that maybe you're a closet fascist.

Well, that's R. Kelly. R.Kelly is the moron who sat in front of me that bleak summer at North Harris Community College who couldn't pass any exams whatsoever. R.Kelly is the twit who took up my coffee break three consecutive days at Chuck E. Cheese. R. Kelly is the flake I sat next to at defensive driving. R. Kelly is the angrily irresponsible boob Real World casting agents salivate over.

What does the song cycle accomplish?

The sheer scope of the project screams "epic", and you can almost feel it. This is IT. This is R.Kelly's big artistic moment, his chance to prove he's not just a guy who takes pictures of underage girls. He's a serious artist with a big picture of the world that he simply must share or he might explode.

And, apparently, he's a guy who doesn't think it's weird that he doesn't need to come home to his wife at night, and that he will cheat on his wife after a drink or two. We also learn that he's a serious artist who doesn't wear protection (nor even shower) after finding out about the wild world of sexual intrigue he's just foisted upon himself.

Re: the title

I don't want to give anything away. Someone in this tale is, in fact, gay... Is it R.Kelly? Well, the title would suggest exactly that. But, in a completely unsurprising display demonstrating a total lack of subtely on R.Kelly's part, R.Kelly as narrator is not revealed to be gay. He's actually trapped in the literal closet.

It is another character who disappears after Song 3 that is figuratively "in the closet". And while Figure #3 is important, he's not really central enough to make you think he should really be grabbing the title.

The whole enterprise sort of leaves you wondering. Is R.Kelly that naive to think that the title wouldn't raise a few eyebrows, or were the extra two parts of the song just R. covering his tracks? The world may never know...

Now, for no particular reason a gun enters late in Track #1, adding both an alarming insight into R.Kelly's first line of defense in a confrontation and a lot of awkward and pointless gun waving during the interminable Track #2.

Musically, all 5 tracks are the same indistinguishable mass of steady beats and audio loops. What's supposed to be carrying all five tracks, in theory, is R.Kelly's vocal. There is a sort of rhyme and meter, but the entire thing feels more like R.Kelly made up as kooky of a story as he could while floating in the tub and then added a few loops behind it.

Still, you doubt The League? Here are some of my favorite lyrics.

Damn, here comes a police man
He drove right up on me and flashed his light
Then I pulled over without thinkin twice
He hopped out the car and walked over to me
And said license and registration please
I looked up at him and said
Officer, is there somethin wrong
He said no, except you were were doin 85 in a 60 mile zone
Then I said officer
Let me explain please
Ya see the truth of the matter is
Is that I have an emergency
He said no excuses
And no exception
I said this is some bull...as he gave me the ticket

Tellin' it like it is. Reportin' from the streets. It's R.Kelly. For all the lyrics, click here.

The truth is, this actually reads about 10 times better than it actually sounds.

Leaguers, I simply CANNOT RECOMMEND "TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET" ENOUGH. It's a rare thing when one sees a project so obviously important to an artist, a project so near and dear to an artist's heart that they want to say, "THIS IS IT! THIS IS THE ONE THEY'LL REMEMBER ME FOR!" And it is rare that such a labor of love is such a complete trainwreck of misery and crapola completely exposing the artist for the hacky schmuck he really is.

To watch the entire epic, click here.

I have no idea what TP.3 means. Maybe it's slang for "The law requires that I inform you that I am living in your neighborhood."
TTSNB, San Diego ComicCon Part 1

It's San Diego ComicCon time again, and that means it's time for a whirlwind edition of TTSNB.

As always, The League is just leeching off the good work done by the folks at Action-Figure.com.

The San Diego ComicCon has become a real launchpad for new toy lines and showcasing new product from existing toy lines aimed at collectors. So not all toys in this edition of TTSNB are necessarily TTSNB. There are also toys The League finds to be of interest.

DC Direct usually just makes DC Comics related merchandise, but recently decided to add items to thier line which include other WB properties. Not the least of which is the popular Looney Tunes characters. The League tittered like a little girl at seeing the new Looney Tunes Golden Age collection.

You can have your action heroes and I can have mine. Johnny Cash gets his own action figure from SOTA TOys. I can't wait to see the battles between Johnny and Megatron.

Do the chickens have large talons? Now you can decide! Set up Cage Fighting matches between Napolean and Kip. Make up your own election speeches for Pedro! Envision your own, unique dance for Napolean! All your wildest dreams will come true with these collectible figures from Napolean Dynamite.

Personally, I wanted a Debbie figure with her handcart loaded with plastic crates.

Vote for Pedro.

Did you enjoy seminal 80's action film "Die Hard"? The League did. Coming soon, the folks at Palisades Toys will be bringing you adorable likenesses of our friends Hands, John, and Argyle. But, curiously, no Al.

The League is so far most excited about a new line of DC COmics toys from Mattel which appear to tie in with the Batman line The League has been so fond of (anyone remember The League welcoming Killer Croc home?).

While The League is puzzled over the Batcentric nature of the toys, The League suspects Mattel had some Bat-TOys all ready to go when they decided to go to a DC line instead of a strictly Bat-Centric line. We're hoping we see a Wonder Woman and J'onn J'onzz in pretty short order. But we do have a new Bizarro, and that ain't all bad.

This may also explain why DC Direct is now moving into creating non-DC Comics related figures.

update: I forgot the link to the new DC figures.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Reed T. Shaw, Captain of the starship "Winaprize", and proud father of QuickDraw McShaw has popped up in the old e-mail box.

Reed-o has some interesting links to share.

On the subject of Lance Armstrong, go here.

and here.

For race updates, here.

And, hinting The League and Mrs. League might do well to look into the sport, Reed sends along a story about The World Wife Carrying Championship.

You can read here and here.

Being of the Finnish persuasion, i wonder if I wouldn't have a genetic disposition for toting around wives. Especially my own.
Hey, all.

Quick Suggestions for Further Reading:

All-Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder is coming out today. Run, do not walk, to your local comic shop. Get it while the getting is good.

Written by Frank Miller
Pencils by Jim Lee



Click here for the previous SFFR to read up on Age of Bronze Vol. 1.
The League Goes to the Cinema to bear witness to
FANTASTIC FOUR

So, The Legue took in a special weekday journey to the cinema to catch up with Marvel's latest foray into the world of celluloid.



Jack Kirby created the FF after leaving DC and Challengers of the Unknown behind. Stan Lee pretty much forced him to turn his adventuring team into super heroes to help him launch Marvel Comics, and it worked. For forty years the FF has been the First Family of Comics, and is billed as "The World's Greatest Comic Magazine." A loyal fanbase the FF has. And Marvel does a good job of replicating the spirit of the comics while recreating the origin in a world without Commies to beat into space.

As anyone who has ever spent more than twenty minutes perusing The League can tell you, I'm going to dwell on the fidelity of the comic-to-big screen adaptation. Which is pretty close, actually. Four (well, five) people go up into space to check out some cosmic rays, something goes wrong, cosmic rays bombard our heroes and amazing powers are bestowed upon the heroes.

The Four (well, five) return to Earth and fight Mole Man. Well, no Mole Man, but I don't think you're going to hear anybody complaining that the first adventure didn't include Mole Man. Instead, we've jumped to villain numero uno. Lucky number 5 up in space is Dr. Victor Von Doom of Von Doom Inc., a company powerful enough to own it's own space station with gravity replicators. But, a company which has not yet gone public.

Curiously, instead of giving Doom a pathological hatred of Reed for being right about some calculations (and Doom being wrong, and this leading to an experiment exploding in Doom's face, scarring him and pledging a life of anti-Reedism), in the movie, Reed sort of does shoulder some plame. During our space mission, Reed forgets to carry a zero, and realizes the space storm isn't coming in seven hours, it's coming in seven minutes. He tells our hapless CEO, Doom, about the predicament. Doom tells him he should probably get rolling with his experiment (having just spent a billion dollars getting everyone into space. Note to self: Leave at LEAST a day early for space-based experiments).

Next thing we know, kablooie! Our heroes (and, we learn later, Doom) are bathed in cosmic rays.

After an improbable scene atop a bridge (either Georhe Washington or the Brooklyn Bridge...) the FF become Media darlings, and for some unexplained reason, this makes Doom's IPO tumble. Doom, however, is left holding the responsibility ball and is told his company is now, uh... doomed, thanks to the failure of the space project. (Talk about putting all your eggs in one basket. Diversify, Victor!) Ironically, for once, a villain appears to have a fairly legitimate reason to be irritated with a superhero movie's protagonist. Oh, that, and Reed steals his love interest. So, yeah...

Anyhoo, a vast majority of the movie is dedicated to the FF discovering their powers and dealing with suddenly being dumped into the media spotlight. And then Doom goes crazy and tries to kill everyone. And he has super powers and no accent, although he's from a tiny Eastern-European country.

Anyway, the Four get their act together and have a somewhat interesting battle with Doom in Vancouver/ NYC. The Thing picks up an HBC (Hot Blind Chick), Johnny zips around sporting the best effects of the movie, Reed's effects are uniformly terrible, and Sue's effects are sort of old hat, so...

Anyway, is it close to the comic?

Well, sort of. The Baxter Building is there. Willy Lumpkin, the FF's mailman, makes an appearance. It's still early in the game for a Fantasticar or HERBIE, or Annihilus or, uh... Galactus. And we are saved from the menace of explaining the Inhumans. In one major departure, Ben Grimm is given a wife he can lose, but she's not around as much more than a plot point before disappearing.

Von Doom's past is changed, but, more than anything, Julian MacMahon is just never properly threatening. In fact, as mentioned before, you sort of get the feeling that maybe he has a lot of legitimate reasons for not liking Reed Richards. Sure, he's a bit egotistical, but he just seems like a run of the mill jerk with a lot of dough. To his credit, he appears interested in being helpful to the FF for the first half of the movie, not to mention concerned for the future of his company, which, no doubt employs hundreds of loyal little scientists, office admins and janitors.

The final act just never really leads you to think Doom is really all that threatening, and while MacMahon isn't exactly lighting the world on fire, Tim Story's direction of MacMahon just sucks. Doom is not the kind of guy who picks up a rocket launcher, walks to a window and fires it. Doom uses robot minions to do his dirty work, and would never lower himself to getting his own hands dirty. Also, Doom has sort of a regular guy voice for the face that literally inspired Darth Vader.

As Sue Storm, Jessica Alba does little more than act bratty and fill out a spandex suit. One is left to wonder, aside from her Barbie-like features, what an egg-head like Richards would want with Sue? She yells at him and lays passive-aggressive guilt trips on him like a perpetual bad-ex-girlfriend machine. Not to mention arbitrarily shouting at her brother. But she's pretty, so we know our hero will love her by movie's end. Her invisibility effects are okay, I guess. Nothing innovative makes it's way into that department at all.

Chris Evans plays Johnny Storm just as he is in the comics. Broad, silly, but with a conscience. And, again, the best effects seem reserved for the Human Torch sequences.

Initially I was disappointed that The Thing was not a CG generated 7' high 4' wide behemoth. And part of me is still disappointed that isn't the case. At times the Thing's latex costume is convincing, but whenever he turns his neck, you can see that it's Chiklis in a rubber suit. Still, he looks like he's got better mobility than either of Keaton's Batman suits. I guess The Thing was fairly close to Lee and Kirby's initial take. Chiklis doesn't embarass himself in the role (or suit), and given the kiddy audience this movie is intended for, his pathos at becoming The Thing is probably heavy enough. Nobody likes a whiner. Chiklis wisely goes with understandably grouchy.

The dude playing Mr. Fantastic probably didn't need to read any comics to get Reed Richards down pat. He's just a guy who loves his work and has forgotten about everything else in his quest for the advancement of science. His power is to stretch his body mass into any shape he likes. Sort of like the ultimate Stretch Armstrong. The Mr. Fantastic FX are, as noted above, quite lame. But I never really cared too much. It took me out of the moment a bit, but after w hile you can play a game where you try to decide what part of mr. Fantastic is actor and what part is colored polygons.

Most disappointing was the creative team's lack of Kirbyism. Jack's name is up there in the credits right next to Stan's (a shout out to fans who know who REALLY dreamed up the FF), but no sign of his wild vision for the FF's unique technology makes it into a single frame. Instead, everything looks sort of as if it were purchased at Fry's electronics. Where are my Kirby-dots when Doom crackles with energy? Where are the wavy lines over glass? The unnecessary zigzags? The odd reflections of endless miles of steel tubing? Where are my pronounced bottom lips and sleepy looking eyes?

Dammit, man! I wanted KIRBY! Where's my fill of villains with improbably designed headgear?

Also, for some odd reason, the script makes it sound as if Reed is a genetcist. Which is fine, I guess... But the FF in the comics are adventurers, not guys working ont he human genome project. Nor are they superheroes with capes going out on patrol. They're a team of professionals ready to jump in the Fantasticar (designed by Reed) to drive through the transdimensional gate (also designed by Reed), to collect data with instruments (designed by Reed), for application in industrial projects (by Reed). Unfortunately, they often run afoul of transdimensional beasties and alien warlords in their travels. And it was this adventurous attitude that got them bathed in cosmic rays in the first place.

In truth, the movie was better than I expected. It's certainly more enjoyable than the forgettable Daredevil, but is still a far cry from the rare-achievemnt of the Spider-Man movies. The story and characters are terribly kid friendly, and a part of me would have loved to have seen more toys and doo-hickeys (Fantasticar, HERBIE) for younger fans to have as $20 plastic toys.

Maybe next time around.

Not only does the film jump up and point to the likelihood of a sequel, it's made enough this weekend alone to justify a second round with the FF.

Monday, July 11, 2005



The League Presents:
TOYS THAT SHOULD NOT BE

The Longhorn Po-Boy Enthusiast



Anyone who lived in Austin got used to occasionally seeing local eccentric and body-modification nut, Enigma, out and about from time to time. The first few opportunities running into Enigma at 2:00 am at Magnolia Cafe was always sort of titillating. "Don't look, don't look... okay, NOW!" you'd always say to the person who hadn't seen Enigma and/ or his Cheetara look-alike girlfriend.

But after a while, you'd be headed into Kinko's to photocopy your tax forms or headed into Longhorn Po-Boy to grab lunch, and there was Enigma. And that's sort of the trouble with naming yourself "Enigma" and trying to set yourself apart from the rest of us regular jerks. The magic is sort of gone the second someone sees you actually doing the same mundane bulls**t everyobody else has to do. (I would love to see Enigma having to water his yard. Seriously. It gives me the chills just thinking about it.)

Having no discernable talent not held by the average 19-year old in Austin, Enigma has sorted of traded on his modification at freak shows and a brief appearance on X-Files about 10 years ago.



Encouraged by the attention, Enigma remains true to his vision for himself, and while something about all that ink sort of makes you feel that the man just needs a big hug, you also have to admire his ability to sit in a chair while somebody pokes him.

Palisades Toys has just announced that Enigma will be turned into a tiny, abstract little action-thing for collectors of this sort of stuff.

The League admits to a twinge of jealousy at this man's ability to dye himself blue, but The League is also a sucker for a steady paycheck and health insuance.

Also, why is the toy gray?
Roger Ebert: Fantastic Fear

In reviewing "Fantastic Four", I believe Roger Ebert just said, "Well, I'd like to see Jessica Alba in an Invisible Bikini." And then later went into how Alicia Masters and Ben Grimm would need a "reinforced bed" if we're to believe their romance should come to it's logical conclusion.

Thank you, Roger, for taking something delightful from my childhood and making it high-octane nightmare fuel.
this shall make Steanso wet himself.

Correction: this will make Steanso wet himself even more.

Soulhat returns! Whoo-hoo!

Thanks to Jim D. for the link.

And no thanks to Steanso for dragging me unwittingly to a Soulhat show in 1994.

Sunday, July 10, 2005


this image would be hilarious if I could get it to show up the right size. Click for full-sized hilarity.

THE LEAGUE GOES TO SEE WAR OF THE WORLDS

ZAP! BLAM! ZORCH!!! KA-POWIE!!!!!

Since The League was a wee tot, he's been a bit interested in HG Wells' tale of horrific panic, War of the Worlds. I confess that my interest hasn't really been in the novel (which I finally attempted to read this spring to, uh... mixed results), but in the 1938 radio broadcast and 1953 film versions of WoW.

In 7th grade I had initially heard about the mad panic caused by Orson Welles' broadcast, and located tapes of the show. For those of you unfamiliar with the 1938 broadcast and ensuing panic, I HIGHLY suggest you read up on the broadcast here. The radio broadcast is absolutely worth listening to for more than nostalgia reasons. Just imagine tuning in a few minutes late and it sort of boggles the mind.


In 1988, a TV series based upon the 1953 movie was released. Staying mostly in continuity with the movie, WoW: The TV series suggested that the 1953 attack had been a scouting mission of some sort, and in 1988 the aliens were finally getting off their duff and getting serious about taking over the planet. The show was 1) not that great, 2) got real weird real fast, and 3) was on at some awkward time, so I didn't catch it all that often.

It DID lead me to rent the 1953 movie which, along with the debut of MST3K, led me to a love affair with classic sci-fi, good and bad, which continues to this day. (It is no coincidence that both War of the Worlds and MST3K both have characters named Dr. Clayton Forrester.)


I still watch the original film about once a year. Sure, it's a bit dated and sexist, but it's good at what it does, and I can still remember how it scared me the first time I saw it. The ship design is still excellent. Sound FX, alien FX and force field FX still hold up remarkably well.

War of the Worlds relies on poking and prodding your fight or flight responses. Unlike Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, or even the aliens from ID4, the aliens in WoW can't be fought, can't be slowed, can't be tricked with some nice flying and a Mac with a wireless connection. They're pure unstoppable force with no points of weakness. To see a tri-pod is to see death arriving.

So how does Spielberg's War of the World's stack up?

Pretty well, I guess.



It should be no surprise that the special effects, sound design, set design, etc... are all top notch. The tripods look and sound phenomenal. Scary, monstrous stuff, taking cues from both the novel and the 1950's film (sound FX and the look of the force fields). And while I like the gliders from the 1953 version, it's no secret that the gliders were there because the special FX folks couldn't animate a 3 legged vehicle without it tumbling over. This crew makes it work.

The tripods seemed to have more of a functional purpose in previous incarnations, given the aliens' physiology. There's nothing really wrong with the current look of the aliens, but by taking away the fact that the aliens are using the tripods for tasks (ie, violence) their bodies can't perform, it somehow takes away the cold thuggishness of the three-eyed blobs as they go about their business.

Oh, three eyes? Not in this movie, baby. These joyriders are all about stereoscopic vision. Seemingly the love child of tea aliens from AI and ID4, it's all elbows, long limbs and beady little eyes. It's a nice design, but I sincerely liked the squat blobs of the 1953 version a bit better. Not to mention that the horrible three-part eye was about all you really saw of them. (creepy little three-eyed bastards).

The film uses images of devastation with great effect. Unlike the fireball devastation of, say ID4, Spielberg's WoW tears apart freeways and overpasses, blasts apart intersections and disintegrates buildings, brick by brick.

Tom Cruise is, and I hate to say this, pretty darn good. As much as he annoyed the hell out of The League in The Last Samurai, Tom uses that cocky charm to good effect in this film (for maybe five minutes when things go boom). Yes, he is a jack-ass, but in this movie, he's our jack-ass.

Dakota Fanning is good, I guess. I've read some reviews which talk about her giving an Oscar-worthy performance, but I don't know if that's quite how I see it. Sure, she's good, but, you know...

The story flows along at a good pace, although it does eliminate the familiar "standing around the spaceship until bad stuff happens" scene which found it's way into the book, radio show and movie. The script definitely borrows elements from the book and 1953 film (avoiding detection in the house) to good effect.

The movie does a fairly good job of propelling itself along (at breakneck pace) while integrating memorable character moments. Some of these are Spielbergian character moments of goofy sentimentality, but it's not that they don't work or even necessarily insincere. They're just... sort of... Squishy.

A lot of items remain unnecessarily unexplained. And while War of the Worlds has never gone out of it's way to get into the minds and motivations of the aliens, some items simply could have used a little clearing up.

beware: HUGE SPOILERS AHEAD

Unsurprisingly, the points at which the script strays furthest from the original concepts are where the story runs into trouble. Innovations like the aliens inserting themselves via lightning strike goes beyond defying physics to defying logic. Were the aliens just floating around in a cumulonimbus for the past million years? Is there a mother ship or not?

The film suggests that the tripods sat dormant for millions of years. How on earth were the tripods not identified under the streets of NYC, Boston, Chicago? Why did the aliens wait a million years?


Waiting a million years suggests that the aliens had been to earth before. Wouldn't they be aware that they were going to keel over if they'd visited earth before?

Further, this Modus Operandai suggests that this was most likely not the first time the aliens had used this MO for invasion. Have the aliens not yet learned the value of a good, sealed space suit?


And if they had a million years, why didn't they just nuke earth from orbit and come back when the radiation was gone? Or use cows for their evil schemes instead of people?

end spoilers

The movie makes more sense in the context of Mars invading earth, and while the movie never explicitly says where the aliens come from, the logic behind the original movie, radio show, etc... somehow seems to add up slightly better.

That said, the movie is a good popcorn movie. It may, in fact, win some academy awards for sound and visual FX. And while WoW will most likely continue to be interpreted for film, TV and who-knows where else, this version certainly won't do the general property that is WoW any disservice.

Anyway, all in all, fairly enjoyable.

I also saw the trailer for Peter Jackson's King Kong. People (I'm looking at you, SGH) seem bent out of shape about this movie being made. I'm not really sure why.

Look, I love the original King Kong. I think it's a great adventure movie, but, let's be honest, it's not 1933 anymore. The story should still work for audiences today, and today's effects are a direct descendant of the original Kong.

It's got a gorilla and dinosaurs. Thus, it has already earned my $8.00.

Friday, July 08, 2005





You are Pedro Sanchez and love holy chips.


Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
The League presents
Suggestions for Further Reading:

AGE OF BRONZE


So, comics aren't all capes, tights and jet packs. Occasionally someone decides to do something a little different. Or, depending upon how you want to read it, something classically familiar.

Eric Shanower is the one man band behind Age of Bronze, a retelling of the Trojan War in comic book format.

I've only read Volume 1 (Volume 2 is just now being released as a trade paper back), but thus far, Age of Bronze has been a true achievement. Handling dozens of characters, both familiar and less so, as well as a handful of ancient cultures, Shanower manages to put a unique stamp on each character and storyline.


To prepare for the comic, Shanower has done his homework. Pulling from more than just the Iliad, Shanower has consulted other versions of the story, both ancient versions and modern versions based upon archaeological evidence of the recent past. Shanower manages to meld the sources in order to create a level of understood depth that easily surpasses the usual stereotypes of togas and sandals standing around columns.

The story doesn't ignore the Gods and mythology in his retelling, but has chosen to show only the mortal (and perhaps, thereby, human) side of the story. It is possible the gods are at work, but it's left to the reader to decide if the gods are actually involved or not. Character still experience visions, there's still some divination and prophetic dreams, but at no point do the gods actually make an appearance.

The story takes us from Paris living as a cow herder in rural Greece to the setting sail of 1000 ships toward Troy. Characters such as Odysseus and Achilles play prominent roles as the story unfolds, but are not presented as flawless mythological beings as much as charismatic and skilled leaders.

To some extent, the dialogue can occasionally feel stilted. And it should be mentioned that Shanower's art is occasionally stiff as costuming details take precedence over natural poses. It might also be mentioned that, as of this printing, the art is entirely in black and white. Will the reader miss the color? Most likely not. Shanower's art doesn't need color to succeed. The pacing, elaborate detail and characterization do more than enough to keep the reader invested.

Age of Bronze is a good cross-over book for folks who still won't read about superheroes, or folks into mythology or ancient history. If Shanower is being serious, the story will span 7 volumes before it is completed. I'm guessing these books are going to find their way into classics departments for quite some time well after the 7th volume is finally released.


For previous Suggestions for Further Reading, click here.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

The League wishes to make note of the horrific events of today in London.

I am unsure of what to say, other than that my sympathies, and those of all Americans, are with the people of London and the United Kingdom.

England will, of course, show the world why it is famous for its resolve and tenacity in the face of such adversity.
Mystery Albums from a Far-Off Place


So, occasionally being Chairman and CEO of The League of Melbotis has unexpected consequences. Sure, The League has not brought fame, money, women or even personal gratification… But occasionally material goods are gotten in a way which I don’t have to report on my taxes.

Just such an adventure began not long ago when The League made a trek to the mailbox.

The mailbox contained two padded media envelopes from two different people The League does not know. Quickly discerning that the albums were, in fact, from eBay sellers and bought by an anonymous source, The League was intrigued.

Inside envelope #1? Warrant’s 1990 album, Cherry Pie.

Yes, Cherry Pie. An album The League confesses he had never heard in its entirety. But was The League, age 15, really right to prejudge the band and album based upon bad hair and a video fraught with double entendre?



Well, let’s just say that while my initial feelings on the album were, perhaps, knee-jerk and reactionary to what was the oppressive nightmare of late 80’s hair metal. No matter the initial success of the record, the album has not aged like a fine wine.

While the title track, Cherry Pie, does fill my head with images of the video and model Bobbie Brown prancing about with a firehose against a white backdrop, the nostalgia ends there. From there, The League gets the same queasy uneasiness which he felt quite often circa 1990 as bands such as Warrant, Great White and Poison filled hour after hour of MTV’s programming.

The League’s fragile psyche was rattled with flashback images of sweaty glam rockers, rocking in unison.

Luckily, it is not just The League which has chosen to put the past behind him. It should be noted that Windows Media Player did not retrieve the album information as it usually does upon accepting any new album.




It should be noted that at some point and for some duration, Bobbie Brown was, in fact, married to that cheese-d**k singer you see in the photo.















Inside Envelope #2? The pain continues with Poison’s 1990 bow, “Flesh & Blood”.

Oh, holy hell.

There’s not a memorable song on this waste of 0’s and 1’s. Poison was a particularly asinine part of circa 1990 America, perhaps giving the rest of the world a pretty good reason to turn on the US of A.



Led by “Bret Michaels”, Poison was visually and musically indistinguishable from any other 1980’s metal band, save for wild man CC DeVille. CC was most memorable for lying on the floor during his screaming guitar solos and refusing to quit rocking even after becoming very pudgy and his styule of music was horrendously out of vogue.

Honestly, I’m coming up empty. This is a really, really shitty record. And if you bought it for your own listening pleasure between 1990 and 1992, you deserve every bad thing that ever happened to you.





Thinking the gifting was over, The League was surprised to receive a 3rd envelope from yet another eBay seller.

Inside envelope #3: Ugly Kid Joe’s 1991 musical travesty: As Ugly as they Want to Be.

The musical equivalent of Garbage Pail Kids, Ugly Kid Joe somehow stumbled their way into fame as, in the wake of the success of Pearl Jam, record execs abandoned their glitter-sprayed LA metal gods in favor of earthier, more flannelized fare. This effort was met with, as history has shown, mixed results.

Ugly Kid Joe was an overshot by a well-meaning record exec who confused earthy for stupid. Nobody asked for Ugly Kid Joe, anymore than anyone asked for Mr. Big, and yet, here they were. Constantly.

Honestly, The League has such bitter feelings about this particular band that we have bypassed a listen of this record. We heard the hit single, whatever it was, enough during our formative years that the very sight of the album cover brought back the nervous twitch in our left eye.



The little, hilarious, caricature on the cover of the album still brings back bad memories of trying to come of age in rural/ suburban Houston. Guys like this were a sort of omnipresent threat.

The League remembers this music with an extra dash of piss and vinegar as this was the original co-option of "college rock", which was, of course, transmorgified hair metal. This trend has not only continued, but led to travesties such as Avril Lavigne and "Hot Topic."






Just as we were all set to blog upon our gifts, what should come in the mail but lucky envelope #4.

A curious addition to the previous arrivals, the anonymous gifter had selected Anthrax’s 1991 release “Attack of the Killer B’s.”

This album was not a new album. It’s a comp of Anthrax’s B-Sides and other obscure and unreleased material. And while The League was not so much an Anthrax fan himself, he at least felt that Anthrax was, at minimum, funny, if not as scary as they wanted to be perceived.

Curiously, this collection of B-Sides may have done more for Anthrax’s longevity and general warm wishes amongst Gen X’ers than any of their previous work. In a move well-documented by VH1 and MTV at this point, Anthrax had decided to join controversial hip hop group Public Enemy for a new version of “Bring the Noise” from PE’s watershed 1988 album, “It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back.”

Anthrax, not entirely by accident, brought hip hop to a generation of white kids who otherwise had given up on Hip Hop after Run DMC’s “Raising Hell.”

“Bring Tha Noize” also appeared on Public Enemy’s 1991 album, “Apocalypse 91: The Enemy Strikes Black” (an album which contains League favorite “By the Time I get to Arizona”).

Sadly, The League isn’t anymore into Anthrax now than he was in 1991. And, it should be mentioned for Madi that, for The League, memories of Anthrax and Denise D. will forever be intermingled. That dame was really into Anthrax.

The League was supposed to see PE in 1991 or 1992, but plans were scrubbed when the tour, double billed with goth-curiosity “Sisters of Mercy”, failed to sell enough tickets and the show was cancelled.

With several out of town visitors in for the show, the group got their money refunded and went to see Charlie Sheen’s “Hot Shots” at the North Oaks 6 Cineplex.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

We're booked for Beaumont.

Date: July 23rd, 2005

The League and Mrs. League are headed for the majestic Jefferson Theater in Beaumont, Texas for a screening of Superman: The Movie, followed by a screening of Flash Gordon.

WHOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I expect to see all Loyal Leaguers in Beaumont for the screening. And to provide us with crate after crate of The League's favorite movietime treat, Hot Tamales. Seriously, without the Hot Tamales, The League will not make it through the movie.

So, this weekend, The League has to work on a presentation about Superman. Can you beat that?

Any ideas you Leaguers might have for filling twenty minutes would be appreciated. Otherwise, we're currently down to

1:00 minute synopsis of the film's history
1:00 on the new movie, Superman Returns
1:00 minute on Superman comics
17:00 minutes of me "flying" around the auditorium with my homemade cape and red briefs

And, you know, Steanso keeps promising to show up, and if you haven't seen Steanso in all his glory, my God, Leaguers... you are missing something. Just imagine latter-era Elvis: sweaty, dazed... take away the talent and women, add a foot of vertical height and a law degree, and VOILA!!!!!

Also, RHPT.com is going to show up. RHPT, Leaguers. Which is sort of like having Scooter from The Muppets, only more of a programmer and married to a person of tremendous mystery who is staying in Tennessee for reasons known only to her.
In case you forgot, Lance "LiveStrong" Armstrong is trying to make world history. Again.

Lance is currently racing his heart out in the Tour de France.

The League stands in awe.

read more here.

Expect many links to Tour de France updates over the next several days.
Happy Independence Day

The League is sorry to say we have been doing a poor job of keeping Loyal Leaguers keyed into events here at League HQ.

We're still in a sort of vacation mode, having only been to work for a day and a half in the past 10 days or so. We've been doing a lot of catching up on comics that we hadn't gotten around to reading, thanks to a busy schedule and a large influx of mini-series from DC (I should also point out that OMAC Project is getting very good, and will run through all 3 Superman titles in July as well as Wonder Woman).

We believe Flag-Guy/ Squidward across the street may be dead or vacationing as his usual display of patriotism wss nowhere to be seen this weekend. We, however, had our flags out, and could be said to be the most patriotic house on the block with our five tiny flags.



We also climbed onto the roof to watch the fireworks from Chandler and Tempe (from the roof, you can see for miles across this barren wasteland I call home).

Thank you, noble founding fathers, for coming up with a holiday upon which I can not work and see firey explosions from my roof (actually, this sounds like the situation for a lot of people in other lands, but we get to do it with minimal fear of shrapnel following the firey explosion).

Anyway, The League will be back on board this week, and we hope to write about the awesomeness of 80's/ 90's metal, and what it means when it shows up in your mailbox, totally unannounced.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

SUPERBOWL CHAMPS FLY COACH*

Early Saturday morning The League and Mrs. League headed for Sky Harbor airport here in the Valley of The Sun in order to depart for our loverly vacation at Muskego Point. Whilst waiting for our aircraft, Mrs. League and The League parked ourselves in Starbucks and tried to get caffeinated for what was going to be a long day of traveling. As is our wont, The League was lamenting the beaten down folks toting kids through the airport, truly a complicated task.

"They look like they've lost all confidence," The League stated. "But look at that guy. He looks like he has confidence."
And then it dawned on The League WHY that dad didn't look like he'd had all vitality sucked from him years and years ago. That guy is a two-time NFL MVP. And he's leading around a four year old girl in a silly dress.

But where do Superbowl Champs go? We tried not to stare at MVP, but the harder you try not to stare... You know? It turns out, we realized as we went to board, at minimum MVPs and their spouse and six kids go through Minneapolis, too. We kind of snickered, and then realized, Mr. MVP and his family didn't board with the first-class passengers. In fact, a minute after we'd boarded, Mr. MVP and two of his kids sat down two rows in front of us.

About two hours into the flight, the guy in the casino hat next to us began engaging Jamie in conversation. "Did you notice Mr. MVP?"
"Mmm-hmmm."
"Are you going to talk to him?"
"Oh. No."
"I am."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, I need to get a picture with him."
And then he held up his pocket-sized digital camera with a big, poop-eating grin.

I looked up at Mr. MVP, who was leaning over to talk to his kids as he'd been doing the entire flight, and I began plotting how I was going to run interference for Mr. MVP.

It didn't happen. When we deplaned, the MVP family exited before me, as well as Casino Hat guy. Fortunately, all Casino Hat guy did was pat Mr. MVP on the shoulder and welcome him to our fair city.

With a little bit of sadness, I watched Mr. MVP wander on off down the walkway, surprisingly large family in tow.

We met up with Doug in Minneapolis, grabbed our rental car, and located Doug's significant other, Kristen. 4 hours of road and a lot of trees later, we made it to Muskego Point. The in-laws were already there, and had decided we were coming in much later, and so were gone fishing. Jamie and I went to the store at Muskego Point, and related our story to the owners of the resort. And, I realized, upon retelling, seeing a famous person on an airplane just isn't that exciting.



My in-laws came in from the lake, Dick and I put our life vests on and went right back out. I caught a lot of blue-gill and perch, but nothing worth keeping. Still, it was nice out, and it's always nice to remember there is a place somewhere on earth with trees and water you can drink, and a surprising lack of khaki shorts and golf shirts. Just you, a lack of fishing skill, and a whole lake full of fish quietly mocking your attempts to eat them.

I'm not sure exactly when it was, but Doug said, "Mr. MVP is here."
"Que?"
"He's here. He's with his family in one of the cabins. It's supposed to be a secret."
And then I flashed back to the owner's reaction at my mention of Mr. MVP being on our flight, and it made sense. They're big sports fans, and they didn't even ask the cursory, "So, did you talk to him?" They sort of smiled and nodded and that was that.

Nonetheless, Minnesota is an exceptionally large state. With many small towns on, at last count, at LEAST 10,000 lakes. And yet here sat Mr. MVP. It was as if Mr. MVP was just begging to have me harass him.

So secret was Mr. MVP's visit, that while his kids were sort of omnipresent around the beach and zipping about the grounds, it took a few days before I saw him anywhere actually walking around himself. And I felt sort of bad for him. I mean, sure, he can comfort himself with his outstanding record and bags of money, but he couldn't even really leave his cabin for fear that us gawkers would assume it was okay to bother him while on vacation.

After spending countless hours watching Mr. MVP play ball, I am now proud to say that Mr. MVP has watched my awesome badminton skills. Leaguers, The League is a badminton phenom who expects the Olympic committee to come calling any day. Sure, I can't serve properly, but I am an intimidating force in the sand pit. May Mr. MVP tremble when he thinks of facing off against The League. More fortunate, Mr. MVP did not witness my astounding lack of talent at the hoop. Kristen outscored everyone else 4-1.

Other adventures of the vacation included just outrunning a large storm while coming in from the lake. The storm blew over many a tree branch and made the water quite choppy. We lost power, and spent the evening trying to make quesadillas in the fireplace. Also, we tried to decide whether we should confront lactose intolerance or let the milk in the fridge spoil.

The most exciting part of losing power was the loss of water from the filtration system. Which meant not only did we not have drinking water, but we couldn't flush the toilet. Which sort of balanced itself out.



Further, there was an attempt to tame the wiley water dragon brought to the cabin by Judy Q. McBride.

The attempt was a failure.

We went fishing several times over the three days while we were there. Jamie managed to catch an incredible number of perch, a good number of bluegill, and a nice northern.

The League fared not so well. While The League almost had two northerns, he was too busy running his mouth at the crucial moment to get the fish into the boat. We did get two pan friers, and many, many who were not big enough to eat. Luckily, The League enjoys the act of fishing as much as actually getting anything. This is most likely an indirect result of The League never having had known true fishing success.

In addition, the League got some good reading done. Read Age of Bronze Vol. 1, Wrath of the Specter, and a hundred pages of Theodore Rex.

All in all, The League's batteries are recharged and we feel ready to slog through another month of work before heading off for sunny Beaumont, Texas where we will be attending the Jim D. Sponsored screening of Superman: The Movie.

Who knows what professional sports superstar will fly with me from Phoenix to Houston. Dare I dream...? A full two hours in the presence of Charles Barkley?

*Due to privacy issues, The League will not identify the Superbowl Champ who accidentally vacationed with us.


The League is now back in town. But don't expect too much out of us until the weekend.

We had a wonderful time in the crazed woodlands of Minnesota. Lots of driving today. Lots of flying. Lots of driving and picking up pets. Lots of rest needed to make up for the restful vacation.

Jamie caught a nice fish. I did not.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

By the way, The League is on hiatus until July 1.

We're off to Minnesota.

Friday, June 24, 2005


A nice image to end the week on.

Concept art for the upcoming film, Superman Returns.
Normally politics won't find it's way into the postings of the League, but this is despicable.

Karl Rove accuses liberals of trying to coddle terrorists in the days following 9-11.

If Rove is referring to the mass confusion among Americans of all stripes in Bush's assertion that Hussein was responsible for 9-11 without generating any evidence, then, fine. Maybe some folks were looking for some sort of tiny evidence that what the president was saying might be true and not taking everything the White House said at that point with blind faith. Maybe people were looking to win the war in Afghanistan and find bin Laden instead of striking out on another military adventure.

It wasn't the liberals who waited a month to take military action in Afghanistan, giving bin Laden a month to hide. And it wasn't the liberals who asked advisor after advisor to please stop bringing up this bin Laden guy in the year leading up to 9-11.

Simply put, either Rove is lying in order to rewrite history and somehow try to associate people who support the ACLU with terrorists, OR he seriously believes what he says, which makes him insane (we have to rule out stupid as Rove is anything but stupid).

There are a lot of people who did ask "Why?" in the days following 9-11. What on earth did the US do to draw this kind of hatred? Neither the White House nor Congress ever did much to answer that question. Telling us that they hated our "freedom" was a simple, stupid, pat answer. We all knew there were a few dozen more countries as free as the US.

A few years ago, I would have ignored a comment like this. And I would have felt that Rove's attempt to rewrite history would fail miserably. But as Minister of Information, he's proven me wrong time and time again.

You know in a day or two, the whacko political bloggers from both side are going to be going nuts over this. Liberals will be doing something stupid like asking for an apology when they should be pulling out document after document and screaming for blood. Conservative bloggers will be nodding their heads about how it's all true and how unAmerican the damn, dirty liberals are, while a few more threaten to curb-stomp anyone who ever voted for Gore.

But the fact is, Mr. Rove is putting words in the mouths of people who aren't taken seriously when they defend themselves. He's putting thoughts in their minds, and feelings in their hearts which aren't true. He knows all he must do is open the box, and the words gain instant credibility, no matter how absurd. And he knows a rebuttal always sounds half-hearted in print. They'll never take the time to print the full response.

And he's doing it to me.

Is he saying I don't know what I was thinking and doing and saying in 2001? Or what my friends were doing and thinking and saying?

I was there. I know what happened. But he's going to make sure that never matters. So I'm saying something today, because I think it matters. And I'm calling Mr. Rove a liar, and I want more than an apology. I want him out of a job and gone.

Why on earth should I believe in my own government when this is what they do?

I told Jamie I'm leaving Spurs game coverage to her today. In the meantime, here's a picture of Samantha Cone, proud Spurs fan.
HOO-AHH! SPURS WIN 2005 NBA CHAMPIONSHIP!!!

Mrs. League here, offering the Spurs and the city of San Antonio a hearty congratulations!

While the series has been one of the closest and most exciting ever, the media continues to complain about the decline in viewership because of the lack of 'Superstars' in the Finals. This really chaps my hide. You know how so called 'Superstars' are created? MEDIA COVERAGE. That is not going to happen when articles about a FINALS game are passed over for the 'SI model of the day' (I'm glaring in your direction CNN.com). I bet if you actually did some reporting on how unbelievably awesome Obi Wan Ginobli (name stolen from SBC stadium fans) has been or how Robert Horry singlehandedly rescued Game 5, more folks would tune in.

Anyhoo...end of rant. Leaguers, I have a secret to reveal about the League. He is the most fairweather fan you'll ever meet. And I'm not talking about the general definition of 'my team's record this year is 1-35, so I'm not watching anymore'. I'm talking about 'my team is not in the lead at this exact second so I'm leaving the room'.

Last night, three minutes into the 3rd quarter, the Spurs were down by 7. Seven points. The League loudly sighs and declares:

"Well, that's the end of that - it's over!"

Luckily he decided to continue watching, because I had no plans of getting off of that couch.

At the end of the game, the League and I shot ideas back and forth as to who would take home the MVP trophy. Our first thought was Ginobli, but soon the announcers revealed Duncan had put in 25 points during the game. Seriously, is the man a ninja?? I NEVER see him score, yet at the end of the game, he always has a respectable number of points.

Next season I'm sure we'll be back to keeping tabs on the mighty mighty Suns, but for now...

SPURS ARE THE CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD!
The Beat reports on Morrison, DC Comics' new structure (using creative consultants), and Morrison's place within the cosmos.

read here

One item mentioned is the failed attempt by Mark Millar (Ultimates), Grant Morrison (JLA), and Mark Waid (Kingdom Come) to re-vamps Superman comics circa 2000.

In retrospect, failing to allow this team to take over the Superbooks was probably the biggest forehead slapper in the past ten years. Why DC failed to jump on this team of top-level talent is, at best, a total mystery. My guess is that they planned to dump continuity from 1986-2000, and DC wasn't having any of that.

What could have been, my friends.... what could have been.

Part of me, a very small part, wonders if the shakeout from the new Crisis won't have that effect, anyway.
Statler and Waldorf movie reviews.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Take the MIT Weblog Survey
Wow, this is like a bad movie.

Translation: If someone with more money than you wants to build an autoplex where you live (in order to make yet more money), you have to take whatever they are offering and get out before they bulldoze your house. If you refuse, I guess they can toss you in jail.

Thanks, Supreme Court!

If only we had those little robots from *batteries not included to go and scare off Scalia.

***update***

The League has the reading skills of a 5 year old.

Scalia, while looking jolly in this picture, did not vote to toss people out onto the street. He probably just had a Whopper and is enjoying the after-effects.

Please read comments section below.
After my moody and irrational rant over the past 48 hours or so, The League appears to have lost all readership.

You'd think I had been writing a celebration of the achievements of Stalin or something.

Ah, well.

Scaljon has a Meme on his site, and there's nothing like a good Meme to get the blood flowing.

1. What is the earliest movie you remember watching in the theater?

It might have been Grease at a drive in with my family (which led to me being confused in my memories years later as to whether or not the drive in had a swingset. I think my popcorn addled brain led me to believe that the swing set Danny rests his weary bones on when at the movies with Sandy was actually at my drive-in theater).

Or else it was Star Wars. I do not recall which came first. I imagine it was Star Wars.

2. If you could strike one word from the English language, which word would you choose and why?

I think I would strike unAmerican. I'm sick of hearing that because I won't endorse jack-ass schemes by chuckleheads I didn't vote for that I am unAmerican.

That's the magic of it. I was born here. Whatever I think is automatically American.

And I happen to think we should all bow down before Peer-Wun, God of Wicker.

3. If you were a superhero, what would be your kryptonite?

Jamie. Or cookies. I can't say "no" to either of them.

Or maybe those glowing green rocks created from the debris of my exploded homeworld. Those certainly don't do me any good.

4. Would you rather win an Emmy, Grammy, Tony, Golden Globe, Oscar, Pulitzer, or Nobel Prize? What work would you win it for?

Nobel prize. Can one win a Nobel Prize for blogging? I would actually like to win it for my imaginary work in medicine. And as long as we're imagining, also for my Mid-East Peace Plan which everyone can agree on. And for burying Tom Cruise in a vault two miles below the Earth's crust.

Or I'd like to win a Daytime Emmy for my work on General Hospital where I play Dr. Luke Strongheart.

5. What is your catch phrase? Don't have one? Then make one up!

I am sure Jamie THINKS I have a catch phrase, but I do not consciously employ a catchphrase.

I do say, "Oh, for the love of Mike..." sometimes. And I have consciously tried to work "Sweet Christmas!" into my repertoire, but I'm not sure it's really taken off.

"Sweet Christmas!" was the catchphrase of Marvel's street-level action star, Luke Cage (aka Power Man... But nobody calls him Power Man any more). Who knows where the catchphrase came from, but it's roundly considered one of the best/worst catch phrases of any superhero.

Read more about Luke Cage here.
The League throws in with Comic Candy

Big, big news.

The League has posted his first comic review for another publication.

Jenn over at Comic Candy has posted The League's review of the Dark Detective series from DC Comics.

Jenn has gone beyond the usual comic-blog and has built a pretty darn cool website where she's trying to build a community of comic fans. I'm not sure where the site is going, but I do think Jenn has got it off to a great start.

Anyway, check out the review. Criticize my criticism. But also make sure you go to Comic Candy and look around, and maybe even sign up.

My guess is, I will post straightforward reviews there, while keeping Suggestions for Further Reading as a separate sort of column here, focusing on comic movies, comic info, comic trivia, and other items casual or non-comic readers might find amusing.

I do assume you all find it amusing or you wouldn't be here.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Okay.

So, it's getting really, really hot here in Arizona. It's 111 degrees today.

And I think that, coupled with some work issues, has made The League grouchier than normal.

The League admits that The League should not have asked for Loyal Leaguers to apologize.

Years ago, The League wasn't going to add a comments section as we anticipated bad behavior cropping up. But you know what? Loyal Leaguers have made The League of Melbotis a lot of fun to work on. As much as The League enjoys shooting his mouth off, he enjoys the comments, jokes and snarky remarks which he can find mere hours after posting.

So we hope everyone will continue to participate and keep making this a fun endeavor. But remember, keep it fun. And keep in mind that while all you Loyal Leaguers have thrown your hat into the same ring of justice, we may not all know each other as well as we'd like to. And sometimes that can lead to misunderstanding.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Two Major items

1) The Spurs lost, sending the series to a nail-biting game seven. Which they will surely lose. At home.

Duncan looks like he needs to take a nice, long nap and listen to some self-affirmation tapes. Ginobili is rattled, but keeps pouring it on. And I'm seeing a lot of Barry, and I'm not sure why. Mohammad has been his reliable self, if not stellar. Big-Shot Bob was sort of shut down tonight as well.

The Spurs' 3-point percentage has been pretty poor, but they keep firing away. In addition, they seem hell bent on driving into the lane. Which is kind of nuts, because the Pistons' defense gets a turn-over (without a foul, I might add) each time they try this. Spurs need to learn to shoot from the perimeter, play more solid D, and... for God's sake, REBOUND. I know those ankles are killing you, Tim, but your job is to hop up and grab the ball, not let some dude named "Chauncey" take the ball away from you.

2) For those of you involved in the kerfuffle going on in the comments section, knock it off.

I will seriously turn this car around and we'll all go home. Or at least shut down comments.

I want an apology out of everybody.

Now.
Superman Celebration 2005 with Mo Rocca.

Man, I wish this had been Triumph.
THE REAL WORLD: AUSTIN


"It'll be really weird to see myself drunk. But I guess we'll all learn something about ourselves."

So it's time for another season of MTV's hit "reality" show, The Real World (a name which has lost all meaning since the show's original, much more idealistic inception). As The League recalls, The Real World was originally created to fill the heads of cotton-headed MTV viewers with a glimpse of life in NYC, but, more specifically, to showcase the trials and tribulations of leaving home and trying to make it in the big city.

This was an era of the show in which the cast memebers were defined by what they did, not whom they did. Someone could, in this early stage, be "the actor guy" or "the musician guy". Cast members were pulled in from all points of the country with big city aspirations, and, I THINK the point was to show folks getting away from their comfort zone and sort of dealing with the mish-mash of personalities and ideas that one faces in "The Real World". Only 24/7 and in a swank loft.

I'm not sure they actually succeeded, but the show did prove Americans love to voyeuristically watch other people doing the exact same stuff they could do if they weren't watching the program at that same moment.

Well, it's God-knows how many seasons later, and The Real World is now subtitled Pretty Drunk Exhibitionist Mental Midgets You Might See "Doin' It". No longer are the cast members asked to, or even really encouraged to, leave the house. Instead, the program fills a house with booze, adds a hot tub, and casts people who are nuts for the sex and insist they "don't want nobody gittin' all up in (their) face". It's a beautiful, beautiful level of simplicity that has taken full advantage of the Gen Y belief in self-entitlement and instant celebrity. After all, there is absolutely nothing special about the cast members. Seriously. Not a damn thing aside from an over extended ego and lack of foresight regarding covering camera lenses when having sex.

So the new season of The Real World takes place in The League's professed hometown of Austin, TX.

Being Austin, apparently not everyone took kindly to folks making a scene and invading their turf.

To add insult to injury, and fueling my dislike of UT's Paul Stekler (which began when he told me to my face he didn't care if I could graduate), Stekler offered the Real World cast a job.

To keep the cast from slacking, "The Real World" puts the kids to work . . . sort of.

In Austin, filmmaker and University of Texas film professor Paul Stekler ("Last Man Standing") was recruited to help the kids make a mini-documentary during the South by Southwest Music Festival in March.

Initially Stekler thought it was "a pretty weird offer." But then he decided it could be good publicity for UT. The graduate students who trained the cast — P.J. Raval, Jenn Garrison and David Hartstein — were paid. Stekler's time was covered by a contribution (undisclosed amount) to the UT film department.


You know, it's reasons like this that UT RTF calls me and calls me and I won't give them any money. I remember how much I had to bust my ass to even get into a class where I could have done a project like this. Apparently I should have been greasing Steckler's palm.

I might watch an episode or two of the Austin-based series, but it's going to be tough to take the mouth-breathers of the show's cast seeing Austin as nothing more than a huge bar while the producers angle to make the show hip enough for their soulless LA-based bosses.

Ah, well. The League is getting old and grumpy.

Monday, June 20, 2005

So.... The first ten minutes of the AFI tribute to George Lucas was sort of the culmination of everything non-superhero which defined my life.

Lucas
Shatner
Spielberg
Ford
Sinatra?

Genius.
So long, Jake.

Jake Pickle, former U.S. Rep from the Great State of Texas, has passed away. Pickle represented the Central Texas area.
Howdy, Leaguers

Well, this weekend was nice and quiet. Some work stuff reared it's ugly head, but I'm trying to remain calm about it. I am sure it will be awful enough on Monday that there's no use getting my red trunks in a bunch right now.

We've had some changes here at League HQ regarding scheduling, and I am afraid the blog here has been the top item to suffer. Basically, if Jamie is awake at night, it looks like I'm less likely to rant for pages at a time.

So there may be fewer posts than normal until all settles back into it's usual pattern.

Heads up as, not this week, but the following week... The League is going on a much-needed (but probably not deserved) break. We're headed to sunny Cook, Minnesota for a few days of bobbing about in a boat and failing to catch any fish. Also, I hope to make some headway in teh book I began reading en route to Vegas, Theodore Rex. Jim has suggested I read "The Historian." Perhaps I shall, just not until I finish this whopper of a biography.

Perhaps The League shall take some vacationy pictures for your amusement.

I also spent a lot of time this weekend catching up on comics I had fallen behind in my reading. I have to say, the new creative teams on the Superman books are doing a great job, with Rucka's Adventures of Superman (pencils by Kerschl) leading the pack. It'd be great if Rucka could stay on for another full two years, but i doubt we'll be that lucky. Gail Simone is currently writing Action Comics with art by John "Man of Steel" Byrne on pencils.

JLA is currently tackling some of the hanging threads from Identity Crisis. Geoff Johns is on writing chores with a fellow who writes for the TV program The OC. This same OC guy is writing Superman, btw, and it's been very good thus far...

DC is killing my wallet.

The Seven Soldiers of Victory limited series are each great, and are weaving a gigantic tapestry of multi-aspect story-telling.

Meanwhile, the limited series tied to Countdown to Infinite Crisis are all turning out to be extremely readable in their own right.

I'll be writing a column on the benefits of massive cross-overs at some point this week, because, darn it... too many people are down on these things. The League just dislikes them when they're done poorly. More on that later as time permits.

In other League news, The Spurs botched a possible last second clincher in regulation to go into overtime and pull out a completely different last second clincher, putting them up 3-2 in the best of 4 series. And they're headed home. This whole thing could be over by Tuesday with the the Spurs having a trophy to match the trophies from 1999 and 2003.

But, man, I really like this Pistons team. They're really, really good. I can't figure out how the Spurs beat them tonight at all. Oh, yeah, I do. Robert Horry. The man's experience and cool head won the night when Duncan looked like a scared little girl.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Earlier incarnation of Jamie as Catwoman



Notice, it's Christmas. This is Jamie's Halloween costume. I think she liked her costume...

and, just because...