Friday, February 10, 2006

The Olympic Opening Ceremonies

Why am I watching this? It's 10:30 Mountain Time, I started watching around 6:30, and I have yet to think any of this is a very good idea.

At what point did the Olympic Opening Ceremonies become...

Oh, @#$%. It's Yoko Ono. Seriously. That woman makes me want to turn against peace. In fact, Yoko One makes me want to throw bricks at all shortish widows of former Beatles. She really knows how to milk John's legacy, doesn't she?

Okay, back to my point (I'm ignoring Peter Gabriel and his floating piano stand). When did the Olympic Ceremonies become a jumbo discount Cirque du Soleil? If you went from the bizarro ceremonies at the Olympics, you'd think that all people cared about in the host country was ancient history, ugly clothes and modern dance. Where the @#$% do they find all the acrobats, dippy dancers and silly costumers for these things? I'm sure most of Italy is watching this and is collectively slapping their forehead.

My theory: The wealthy backers of the Olympics bring the Olympics to town for the sole purpose of employing their underachieving children who got a useless degree and are now living in the basement waiting for their "big break".

I guess people pay to see stuff like this all the time. After all, people pay to see Cirque and all that stuff. There's something to watching people dressed in tights zip about that really appeals to upper middle class folks in search of culture.

Oh, here comes the torch. Flame on!

Passing thought: Why do the Americans use a Canadian company to make their winter gear for the ceremonies? Those outfits are dumb.

This torch thing is taking a while. Did you see Sophia Loren? She looks like she's slowly turning into gold. Why was Susan Sarandon there? I like Susan Sarandon, but, what was that..?

Whoa. the Olympic Flame looks like it should have Sauron's eye looking out of it. It's creepy.

Ah, well. No Katie Couric to ruin it all for me like she did the Summer Olympics. And every other thing she's ever managed to worm her way into. Just Costas and Brian Williams giving us the play-by-play of which country hates which other country as they entered the arena. Never thought you'd those Danish athletes looking over their shoulder, did you?

Well, now I have to sit through a lot of figure skating. The hardest part about that is not making comments upon what a fine figure some of the lady skaters make.

Oh, f'ing sweet. It's f'ing Pavarotti. Whoa. Dude, I can tell you're using "Just for Men". Wow, he's good. This is the first thing that's impressed me yet.

I guess I'll watch the luge. I like anything involving hurtling down a hill at very dangerous speeds with a high chance of a bone shattering wipe-out.

Pavarotti is wearing an f'ing cape. He's a total ruler. Man, that guy rocks the house.

That torch is totally freaking me out. Who was that? She was cute. I'm going to find out she's 15 and get in trouble.

Fireworks! SHAZAM!

Wow, that's way better than the fireworks in Chandler.

Young prosecutors, real consequences, only one thing counts... CONVICTION.

You know, when Steanso was a young defense attorney, I seem to recall him saying that was exactly the problem. Oh, well. He totally sold out and works for the system now. Way to become a tool of The Man.

Who the hell is Mary Carillo? She has a nice, tenor voice.

Anyway, I don't use the word "fruity" lightly, because I usually don't like the connotation. But, Leaguers, these Olympic openings seem to get fruitier and fruitier. Just watching the montage here at the end is making me realize that I will never get back the last four hours of my life. I am hard pressed to believe that if the show that I just watched wasn't tied to the Olympics that a single person would have watched it from beginning to end.

I also am totally baffled by the Bode Miller deal. He just doesn't interview well. What's the story here? He's a 20-something that drinks on the weekend? Stop the @#$%ing presses! Why are people turning on this guy? He's the first person I've liked in the olympics who wasn't a Russian female figure skater. He also keeps telling the press he doesn't care for them. Well, they LOVE that, Bode. Ah, well. I still have no idea what his sport is.

Ah, well. I just want to give a final salute to the guys who intentionally set their heads on fire and skated around the arena. That's dedication, Leaguers.

And an extra shout out to the poor balding bastard who got thrown off the Skeleton Crew for using Propecia. That poor guy just wanted to reduce the shine for a while longer... The anti-doping agency is dumb.

Oh my GOD, my local network sent their dumbest Scottsdale bimbo to the Olympics for local coverage. Ughhh... I can take no more.

Seacrest out.
I can only point you to this story from The Beat.

Apparently Disney and NBC/ Universal have come to some sort of odd swap that trades my favorite fixture of Football Sportscasting for Oswald the Lucky Rabbit.

Yes, it seems Al Michaels is being swapped for Walt Disney's beta-version of Mickey Mouse, which was owned by Universal.

With this item and the story on NPR today about the potential for the IRS to begin taxing awards won in games like World of Warcraft that now appear to have real financial value, I can only feel like the boundaries between the real and the imaginary are at last collapsing in a way which will really suit my lifestyle.

Man, I would give my left arm to be swapped for QuickDraw McGraw. That would be so @#$%ing cool.
I know what ice cream treat The League will be enjoying this summer. The Superman Homepage has a blurb on an upcoming Superman themed ice cream treat from Nestle's.

Read here.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Worst Idea in the World Files

Wow. I HAVE to assume, despite the reliable news source, that this is a joke.

Randy sends this along.

Jamie is sitting behind me shouting "How?" "Why?"

I can assume that if your career plans involve a well secured brass pole that you might find a use.

Ladies, one day you may be a sweet 'ol granny. Just keep that in mind when you decide it would be awesome to have your boob playing Outkast.

I do wonder: How does one recharge the device? If a little gel causes cancer, what's a leaky battery going to do?

I can't wait to be able to download "Boot Scoot Boogie" to my pace maker and have "Enter Sandman" as part of my "male enhancement" plans.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Real-Life Superheroes File: Mr. Silent

In case you missed it a while back when we discussed Real-Life Superhero Mr. Silent, you might want to check this out.

Anyhoo, go through the comments section. Mr. Silent takes some time out of his busy schedule to drop a "howdy" to The League and explain a bit about himself.

This is THRICE that someone commented upon has popped up to put in their two cents after I made a post. I'm pretty darn excited by this incident as, well, Mr. Silent is a SUPERHERO. As you know, The League supports superheroes, but it's not often we get one chiming in.

So, thanks, Mr. Silent! Keep up the good work. We appreciate all that you do.

Now, let's be careful out there.
Your results:
You are Superman
Superman
80%
Robin
57%
Green Lantern
55%
Supergirl
53%
Spider-Man
50%
Batman
50%
Iron Man
50%
Hulk
40%
Wonder Woman
38%
Catwoman
35%
The Flash
30%
You are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.
Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz
Judy and Dick are here, kicking it in-law style. So don't expect much in the way of posts until the visit draws to a conclusion.

And I want to say, I just knew folks were going to jump all over the giant rabbit. I received the pic from a co-worker, and I'm still not sure what the story is.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Monday, February 06, 2006

I just find it interesting that Danish filmmaker Lars Von Trier's new film condemning American culture is quietly opening in the US while the Middle East has gone batshit over a Danish cartoon.

You know, The League took a year of Danish in college. Seriously.

1) I dropped Spanish after the first day as the teacher refused to speak any English. It wasn't my fault my Spanish teacher in high school was, shall we say, laissez faire, and let us play cards during class (but never for money!).

At UT there was some rule that if you had two years of high school Spanish you HAD to take advanced beginning Spanish as we should all have been on the same level.

Oh, mercy. Excuse me while I wipe a tear from my eye and get some air.

Viva Klein Oak!

2) I was flunking Italian in my second semester (taken because CB told us the class was "great"). Hey, CB, you ended up dropping... What DID you take? Did you snake your way into Sign Language? I bet you did.. Anyway, we were flunking Italian in our second semester despite daily attendance and always doing our homework. A large part of the problem was that I kept slipping into the Spanish I had taken. And I was very distracted the first semester by a delightful pair of squirrels living in the oak tree outside the window.

3) I was going to take Finnish so I could surprise my grandmother, but that class was full. Terence said "there's lots of girls in Danish", and then I found out that Danish was "accelerated." You only needed two semesters of Danish rather than four of other languages. Of course you also met 6 hours a week for two semesters.

My instructor had a hearing problem, and I suspect he was usually hung over. But he also bought us booze. Good guy.

I only remember a few phrases from the class. I can:

a) order a cup of coffee (Jeg vil gerne hav en kappe kaffee)
b) order you to shove it "up your pipe" (I don't know how this is written, but I think it's: Op jig ruv hol)
c) solicit you for sex (Vil du kneppe med mig?)

Well, really, I think that could get me by in Denmark for about a month.

Overall, I didn't see Denmark as being a hostile place. They're the land of Hans Christian Andersen for God's sake. They all own pugs and think they have tiny trolls living in their teeth.
SuperBowl Weekend

Oh, The League should never be trusted to lay bets. Last night I boldly proclaimed that the Seattle Seahawks would win by less than 7.

The League was so very wrong.

Honestly, I didn't care who won, but I just thought the Seahawks were going to surprise people. Well, yes... they surprised me. Luckily I didn't have any money on it.

Ah, heck. I like Bettis. The Steelers are a fun team. Congrats.

That said, I also watched about 70% of PuppyBowl II (featuring the all-new Kitten Half-Time Show). Well, "watched" is a strong word. It was on while I was in the room. But it's hard to beat three hours of puppies playing. Even when you have your own puppy tearing up what was once a very pretty little backyard.

Anyhoo, congrats to the puppies of Puppy Bowl. Those kids are going places.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Just a quick note about something that happens alot in movies and TV:

Small people with a few quick punches or a fancy kick can't usually actually knock down really big dudes.

Look, The League is a fairly big dude. And every once in a while while watching TV or a movie I'll see a 98 pound girl try a karate kick at some big guy who, of course, is standing completely still. What should be noted is that big guys are used to having to slog themselves around. Their bodies aren't a complete surprise to them. Stuff bumps into us all the time.

This probably isn't what very tiny people want to hear, but if the big person is at all used to fighting, your fancy kick is, at best, going to slow down the Really Big Dude.

Further, just FYI, it is really, really hard in real life to flip a big guy who doesn't want to be flipped. How many of you out there think you can pick up a 250 pound sack of rocks and throw it over your shoulder? Yes, yes... You can use someone's momentum against them. But if that person is any sort of experienced fighter, and unless you're a much, much better fighter, the big guy can probably deduce what you're up to and lean the other way. And even if he does go forward, how likely do you think it is he isn't going to grab you and land on you, Bruce Lee?

Sometimes I really miss my days in TaeKwonDo. But one thing I really don't miss is when I would have to spar people 1/3rd my size. (1) I always had to be really, really careful with small people. Small people tend to sail through the air in a really unattractive fashion with a solid kick. Or, if you mistime a spinkick and hit them in the back (illegal in TKD) they tend to just sort of go down. And then you have to go talk to their millionaire husbands and make them understand that there's no money there if they were thinking of sueing. (2) Small people can be a lot faster and be a smaller target. With the rules of sparring being what they are, this works in small people's favor. It's just a grossly unrealistic way of looking at how a fight would end if it wasn't a judged tournament. (Of course, some people just see you across the mat and they get "the fear", believing you will, in fact, take their block off. The League once had a high school kid run out of the ring away from him. It was sad.)

Now, I'm not saying small people can't take out bigger people, becasue they can and they do. The League has had his ass handed to him by many people, not the least of which was his alarmingly nimble instructor. Also, although not small, Dan Peters is a lot faster than he looks.

I'm mostly just trying to do two things:
1) dispel the notion that a fancy kick you saw on TV is going to do much if you're small
2) dispel the idea that big guys will generally go down with a single pop any more than small people might

So what should tiny people know? The League is no master of self-defense, but here's what we think:

Run away. There's no shame in running. Violence never solved anything. Except for proving to the Russians that our blue collar American work ethic could overcome the commies' science-zombie super-soldier boxer in Rocky IV. Suck on that, Mother Russia.

Go for the face. If you do connect, you're hitting a nerve point in there somewhere. Ears are good, especially if you can get a grip and pull real hard. Eyes are mushy. Noses hit properly will blind for a few crucial seconds. Also, the throat (not the neck) is good, too. Punch it hard.

DO NOT GO FOR THE CROTCH (unless you know what you're doing). This is usually taught in self-defense class, and I guess maybe it will work, but... Most guys learned to duck a kick to the groin at age 5. Ask any guy. Trust me, any dude who is paying attention will turn to the side, you will miss and they will be very, very angry. (This is also a constant movie cliche of over-confident bad-guys. They always stand squarely facing the target and within knee's reach. This is silly).

Use what's on hand. Your body is soft and fleshy. When flesh hits flesh, it hurts slightly more than hitting someone with a beef-log (unwrapped). You will also hurt yourself if you connect with bone. Just so you know, keys jabbing into your ribs hurt really, really bad. Phones and remotes make excellent projectiles.

Be loud. Don't just scream, scream that you're being attacked. Scream specifics. If nothing works, scream that there's a fire. People will always come to check on a fire, just in case. And don't quit screaming.

Anyway, that's a really long post inspired by a really dumb fight scene I just watched.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Artist Seth Fisher has died

I'd only recently been turned onto his work through Green Lantern: WillWorld and Batman: Snow in the ongoing Batman: Legend of the Dark Knight.

The man was incredibly talented. I'm not sure what else to say.

Read here and here and here.

For Fisher's own site, go here.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

ooooohhhh

The UK ToyFair is on in, uh, the UK.

The ToyFair is an event at which toy makers set up in a convention center and buyers from stores decide what they will stock for the next year (to some extent).

Anyhoo, it's gotta be a fun sort of thing to go to. They do have one in the US, and it usually inspires quite a few "Toys That Should Not Be" postings.

To see what toy The League wants, go here.

Jamie will be sad to know that this item will probably only be available in the UK.
Jim D's Conversational Shorthand Meme

Recently Jim D. said the following:

I have noticed that I have begun to use a conversational shorthand when conversing with people with whom I will likely never see again.

And then said:

...In the mere exchange of conversational pleasantries, is it easier simply to allow the conversation to run its course without the unnecessary addition of too many details?

Read all of Jim's post here.

And then Distorted Veracity chimed in here.

I'm going to pick up on the theme and try and turn this into some sort of meme.

In his travels, Jim's walking through a world of anonymous faces, and maybe that's a bit of what he's doing in Beaumont. I don't know, and I would hate to speak for him.

Surely as much as he's limiting his conversations for expediency, there has to be some knowledge that anonymity has it's virtues, and getting too attached to a waitress at the diner or the cab driver from the hotel isn't going to go much of anywhere.

I think I've sort of been doing this with every single person I've met since I arrived in Arizona.

Sure, there are a few people I talk to regularly and in some detail, but I am aware that I go for weeks on end speaking with only my office mates, my local comic shop guy and Jamie. That's been the sum total of my social circle since my arrival in Phoenix. I can't recall the last time I stood in the yard and talked to my neighbor or the last time I had a conversation with someone that wasn't really somehow work related.

I guess what's bothering me as I head towards my fourth year in the desert is the knowledge that there's been a certain distance kept, as if I know I'm just passing through this place. Most of the staff knows Jamie's name and she's met most everybody at least once, although I suspect some of our newer folks aren't even sure I'm married. Aside from that, I'm not sure how much I've really offered up.

Maybe a few people know my political views. Some could tell you a movie or two I like. Some could venture a guess at a book I may have read. Maybe a few could even tell you around when I was in college. For the most part I'm not sure how much folks know about me. Admittedly, that's a two-way street. I'm sure in most offices you're just not that involved with one another no matter how many hours a week you spend sharing the same recycled air. And maybe I'm misreading all of this, and maybe these folks all know me better than I realize. Maybe it's me that's missing out on the details.

The endless condition of acquaintance is not something I'll miss one day when I put the Valley of the Sun in the rearview mirror. I'm tired of working friendships and conversations where I edit and edit and edit before I feel like I've watered down whatever it was I planned to say until it was safe for public consumption. And maybe I'm wrong and that wasn't what I had to do in the first place, but when you're just passing through, sometimes you want to leave as few ripples as possible.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Huh.

This is why I am a firm supporter of the red velvet rope.

You know, when I was in high school a security guard at the Houston Museum of Fine Arts got pissy with me for supposedly standing too close to a painting. I'm not sure what the proper distance is supposed to be, but I was looking at the brush work on a 300 year-old oil painting, so I can understand them being a bit touchy.

Note I said "a bit touchy", not "GET AWAY FROM THE PAINTING!" touchy.

That said, I had my hands folded behind my back and was only leaning in slightly. i doubt I was even breathing on the picture.

To this day I prefer science museums. Nobody ever gets mad at you for looking too closely at a geode.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Weekend Round-Up:

Ah, what a weekend!

End of last week saw the end of an era at my job as co-worker Maria put in her resignation. While I'm very excited for her new opportunity, I am less excited about the length of time it takes to hire somebody at my Employing University. I suspect we'll see a replacement in, like, 6 months. The League strongly suspects he will be asked to wear two hats in the interim and then train the new person in the ways of our office. We also thought Maria was a pretty nice person, so we're going to miss her sunny disposition. And my office needs all the sunshine it can get. It's windowless. But, yes, I have an office all to myself. Eat that, private sector cube monkeys!

Friday night League HQ watched the Suns play the Atlanta Hawks and barely squeeze out a victory over a team they mangled in their last meeting. Good for the Hawks for not sucking anymore, I guess. Since we lost to the Cavs today, I have to wonder about The Suns' falling fortunes. We need Amare back. Now.

Saturday night Doug and Kristen were scheduled to come through PHX as part of a cross-country jaunt. They're assisting former SneakyFrog co-habitants MJ and Shannon in their big move from the Bay Area to Boston. It's a long story, and I'll let Doug tell it if you're interested, but due to some less than honest advertising the moving company didn't finish until 15 hours or something after they were supposed to finish. This delayed the first day of travelling completely, and meant that instead of arriving in time for dinner last night, Doug and Kristen rolled in around 1:00am.

We all sort of sat in the living room trying to be polite for about ten minutes before everybody headed off for bed.

MJ and Shannon came over for breakfast this morning (we had Kirby Lane pancakes and bacon), chatted for a while, inherited a Santor present (Klingon headpiece and make-up kit). I know for a fact that Kristen didn't pay for the thing, but got it at a gift exchange, so I'm wondering how many hands this thing has passed through, and how many more it will pass through before Santor releases this present from his grip.

Jamie had a brilliant idea today, and for some reason I went along with it for a few minutes. It was a beautiful 72 degrees and sunny as all heck, so Jamie decided she was going to "go nap in the backyard with the dogs". She grabbed a few towels, a blanket and a pillow, and with my half-hearted assurance that the dogs wouldn't bother her, she went out there to go lay down.

A few minutes later I looked out the window and Lucy was licking Jamie's head and Mel was circling. Deciding my presence was the missing ingredient, I planted myself on the towel. Mel lay down with the "bad end" toward my head and otherwise it was nice. For about ten seconds. Then Lucy came back by and dropped a tennis ball on us, and Mel started wagging his tail and kicking dirt and grass up all over us.

And thus ended the Great Backyard Nap Experiment.

While waiting for Doug and Kristen, I updated some of my links that were sadly out of date. RHPT.com, you are officially dropped from the blogroll.

Anyway, not much else.

Get over to Nanostalgia.com to see what's going on.

In the news:

Hussein trial: Is anyone else wishing we'd just grabbed Hussein and brought him to stand trial at The Hague? Between the mix of side-show and Kangaroo Court, this probably isn't going according to script.

Alito: I am not crazy about a guy Frist described as "a liberal's worst nightmare", but I'm also rolling my eyes at John Kerry's 11th hour attempt to get a filibuster.

Hamas in Charge: Democracy! Wow!

British Murdering Dude: As much as I want to believe people aren't all complete scumbags, I have learned to quit believing people are innocent until proven guilty when their children and spouse turn up shot and the most likely candidate happens to have skipped town at the same time.

Friday, January 27, 2006

My Precious....

So, yesterday while I was lathering up with some irish Spring in the ol' shower Jamie announced that she had lost her engagement ring.

For some reason I can't ever remember a time when Jamie's wedding band and engagement rings actually fit her fingers (my ring fits great, thanks for asking) and she spends all day doing two things:

1. Taking her rings on and off or switching them around on her fingers.
2. Using copious amounts of hand lotion to fight off the debilitating desert air.

I'd pretty much decided about 5 years ago Jamie would lose her rings at some point, and so when she announced she'd lost the ring I don't think I displayed the proper panic.

I did finish my shower, comb my hair and put on some undies in hopes of assisting, but was, instead, shoo'd out the door. Still, while I knew I was now going to have to save up to buy an all new engagement ring, I still don't think I ever really went overboard about the whole incident.

That, and it wasn't one of Jamie's two daily activities that had led to the whole debacle. Apparently she'd taken off her rings to eat ribs, and we'd gone to the ribs place because I like to go there and watch basketball on their giant TV. So Jamie was humoring me just by being there.

The ring, itself, is a copy of a family heirloom and actually has the diamonds FROM the family heirloom embedded in it. So, you know, you're really not supposed to lose completely irraplaceable family jewelry. And buying a new ring would have been a nice thing to do, but it wouldn't have resolved that issue.

Anyhoo, 9:30 last night they called and someone found the ring at Damon's. Hooray! Tonight we're stapling the ring to Jamie's finger.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

THE LEAGUE DISPENSES PARENTING ADVICE

This lady is really, really smart.

Do you know why I get to say this? Because I worked at the Disney Store for three summers and 1 summer at Chuck E. Cheese.

There's something about having kids under the age of 5 that makes some people convinced that Satan himself is trying to somehow corrupt your kid. 9 out of 10 times, it's nothing the kid would have ever noticed if the parent hadn't misinterpreted it and then made a big deal out of it.

About once every two weeks when I was a Disney employee making $5.00/ hr, somebody would locate me and start telling me how some tower in Little Mermaid looked too much like a penis, or they'd have to tell me how aghast they were at the famous "SEX" in the clouds in Lion King. The common denominator was that it was invariably something their stupid kid never would have noticed if Mommy wasn't getting her panties in a bunch about it. (How they thought their 2 year old child knew what an erect penis looked like was a bit of a mystery best left unexplored.)

I usually would humor these angry guests for a minute and then point out a manager. If a manager wasn't readily available, I would ask "Was your child upset by this?" which was probably not what Disney wanted me to do, but I figured I could probably find another $5.00/ hr job if push came to shove. Without fail, the child now only knew that the Disney Store was now suddenly a "bad" place full of wicked $5.00/ hr clock watchers but wasn't sure what the hubbub was really about.

Look, there is SOME stuff in Disney movies that shouldn't probably be there. The priest's erection in Little Mermaid comes to mind. That's no urban myth. The supposed one frame of Jessica Rabbit I've also seen confirmed. However... That stuff is fairly well hidden. If the two frames of filth have forever warped your child, you're a terrible parent and you're doing an awful job of preparing your kid for life. These are not the messages you get to relay when you don the polyester sweater and form fitting pants.

If the 1/24th of second of obscenity is bugging you that much, Disney has a policy that you can, at any time, return any Disney product to a Disney Store and receive some sort of refund. I am sure by offering up this info that I just broke a non-disclosure agreement, but it's true. If Mickey or Goofy are on the item, you can drop it there and get some sort of reimbursement.

The flipside of this is, of course, that for every one of these parents who is trying to shelter their kids from the storm, there's 5 of the "throw 'em in the deep end" variety dropping the f-bomb because they can't find the right size princess dress for their kid.

The League is not wholly convinced that these parents aren't usually one and the same. It all sort of depends on their mood and who they want to blame today that their kid is a little hooligan.

But this isn't Disney we're talking about. These are the post-Jim Henson muppets who speak in freakish falsettos and act like morons day after day and sell damned-near anywhere. But since he's a Muppet and not a Disney character, you can't return Elmo to the Disney Store. So...Before you jump in the Excursion to demand your money back at Wal-Mart, The League suggests you consider the following:

-If Elmo's weird little friend's garbled squeakings sound to you like "Who wants to die?" let's think of it as a Rorshach test, mommy. Maybe it's time for you to take a look around the house and see what needs changing.

-If Elmo's weird little friend is, in fact, asking "Who wants to die?", you gotta look at the bright side. Maybe your kid is just learning about goth kids at an early age.

-Finally, if you're reading your kid an electronic talking book about how to take a pee, The League would suggest you need to sit back and take a good, long, hard assessment of your life.

Look, if you want to be concerned about your kids learning how human beings are, I highly suggest locking them in a box until they're 18. Then let them out. As an adult with adult experiences, you may read all kinds of stuff into works which were never intended to be all that filthy. Further, calling CNN because there's bad audio in your Elmo read-a-long book is a cry for help.

Sometimes bad audio compression is just bad audio compression.

And that's the advice today from Uncle League.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

A Few Quick Items

A) Hey, look! It's Carla Beth! Carla was my roommate in college and a collaborator throughout film school. She's a peach of a girl, now living in North Carolina, and she's got her own blog.

For those of you wondering what Carla is up to, check it out.

B) I've posted an opinion on the Disney/ Pixar deal at Nanostalgia.com.

C) For a whole, wide array of Toys That Should Not Be, go here.

D) "Flava of Love" makes me weep for the Public Enemy of my youth. Yet I cannot look away.

E) I feel like I need a fifth item, but I can't think of one. Uhm. The new sandwich place I tried the other day promised my sandwich came with fries. What they did not say was that the fries were IN the sandwich. That was not good.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Real Life Superheroes File: Mr. Silent/ Doktor DiscorD

Ah, it wouldn't be The League of Melbotis if we weren't supporting anti-social and possibly dangerous behavior.

You'll note that The League doesn't hesitate to post little blurbs here and there along the way about folks in costume trying to get things done. Grant Morrison called it, saying we'd start to see superheroes in the next few years. And I think we will. I don't think they're going to look a lot like Superman or Green Lantern (and I guarantee you, no Wonder Woman), but I do think people are going to put on masks and leap into action. I just hope it looks more like this and less like this.

And this brings us to the real-life case of real-life superheroes Mr. Silent and Doktor DiscorD. The comic blog-o-sphere has been ablaze of late chatting about the duo (calling themselves the Justice League of Justice) and their unsolicited attempts to clean up the streets of Indianapolis.


Mr. Silent, Doktor DiscorD and, I believe, "Doom Bunny"

Now, a lot of that chat has been about how these two guys are probably going to end up getting killed. I hope not. The League thinks we're in the 21st Century, and Real-Life superheroes are an idea whose time has come. We more or less already have supervillains (Bin Laden. Kim Jong Il. Kevin Federline.), and nobody to thwart them. Well, we have Condoleeza Rice, but that's the worst superhero name ever. It sounds less like a menacing avenger of justice and more like an undiscovered (but delicious!) version of the San Francisco Treat. And if you think that here in the U.S. of A. that we don't have nutjobs in costumes running around in masks who could use a good beat-down, I submit this.

Read an interview with Mr. Silent here and Doktor DiscorD here. And I guess this whole thing started over with Warren Ellis here.

Can we expect to see Supervillains? Well, Superman didn't come out of the gate fighting supervillains, and neither did Batman. The supervillains came along later.

The League isn't sure he's in good enough shape to actually stop any crime, and usually has to get up early for work, so we're not sure tights and a mask are in our future. A cape? Well, it'll depend on the weather...

Hopefully, all of this will go better than Jim D's ill-fated journey into costumed vigilantism.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Oh, Leaguers. The Suns almost went into triple overtime again this evening, but Allen from the Sonics hit a 3-pointer with only 1.5 seconds left. Nerves of steel on that guy. Anyway, one of the highest scoring games in NBA history.152-149. Yowza.

I watched most of the Seahawks-Panthers game. I was cheering for the Seahawks, but mostly because I was cheering for Mike Holmgren. And I cheer for Mike Holmgren because I look at the man and I know what I'll look like in 15 years. I also like Shaun Alexander, but how can you not be impressed with that guy even if you're not a fan?

Jamie's brother went to high school with Mike Minter on the Panthers, so we need to cheer for him, if not the whole team.

Editor's note: Jamie says "I went to high school with him, too - he was two years ahead of me and one behind Doug."

I really didn't care who won the Steelers/ Broncos game, except that I sort of admire Jake Plummer's whole "I really need professional help, but as long as I can throw a ball they give me money" thing. I hope to have all of my insanity forgiven one day because I have some money-making skill. Hey, who ever filled the void left by Wesley Willis, anyway?

I'm still coming down from a busy week of work. In FACT I was at work today for a while. Technical support doesn't just go on M-F, 8-5, occasionally on Sundays people expect service, too.

Jim D. sent me his copy of "Superman meets He-Man", and Leaguers, you can expect a review of that little gem just as soon as I can bear to relive the comic in that sort of detail. Despite my promise to purge my life of unwanted comics, I also recently picked up some back issues of Mister Miracle. I also picked up issues of "My Monkey's Name is Jennifer". I don't know why this comic makes me laugh, but, man...

This week may be full of wonder and surprises. If what I think may happen occurs, you people will be the first to know..
Happy Birthday to Reed T. Shaw!

Reed is now old and reportedly has a kid. Sure, he's keeping her in an igloo cooler with an iguana named "Rex" and feeding her only fish food, so I'm not sure what kind of father he is, but he's no longer care-free twenty-ish Reed T. Shaw.

In honor of Reed-O's birthday and to commemorate Reed's glory days, I provide us with the cover image of Lita Ford's 1983 album, "Out for Blood".

Enjoy.

Saturday, January 21, 2006



Coming this summer...

Friday, January 20, 2006

Sorry about the pathetic lack of updates. It's one of my two or three seasonal super-busy times at work. That means lots of work during the day, some late hours, and then getting home and feeling sleepy. Indeed, too sleepy to blog.

For former KOers, Julie Parsons and her husband just had their first baby (Michael Joseph Pruski). I think he looks like Jim Parsons, but time will tell if that bears out. Speaking of Jim, he's in a new Carraba's ad. Keep your eyes peeled.

Uh, what else...?

There are some heated debates of no consequence going on over at Nanostalgia.com. I highly recommend you pop over there.

And, look, an iPod cover with the Superman logo! And I know a certain Superman fan who has a birthday coming up.

Yeah, really, I got nothing.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

So Long, Hobbes



It's never fun to have to say good-bye to one of your own. Hobbes the ferret, a Loyal Leaguer and steadfast member of the Hop-a-Long Lounge (League Austin branch), has merged with the infinite.

Hobbes was a bright, fun, funny guy, and I'll miss the little sock. He was part of a duo, the aptly named Calvin & Hobbes, that saw Steanso through law school. He was also an excellent companion through Steanso's first years of practice.

Hobbes is survived by Steanso and Hopalong Cassidy.

For more about Hobbes, I recommend going to:

here

and

here

Via con dios, little buddy.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Delivered on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, Washington D.C., August 28, 1963.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal." I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today.
Spider-Man to once again temporarily get new costume/ possibly be a clone

I haven't been following SPider-Man's "The Other" storyline. It looks like he came out the other side much redder and shinier. I haven't read teh story, but right now it's most famous for (a) a dozen cover variants, one of which was Spider-Ham, and (b) Iron man was going to give Spidey a new costume. Which pretty much meant it had to be red and yellow.


Spidey covers himself in reflective surfaces

May this costume last less time than the Super-Mullet, and may it spawn a thousand toys for Marvel.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

The Weekend in Review

Howdy, Leaguers. And what a weekend it has been. Whoo. E.

Friday night we went to IHOP, and I can't recall much aside from that. I think I worked on an item I'll bring up in a bit that was for Nanostalgia.com.

Saturday was errands. We also went to go see "The Ringer" on the recommendation of my cousin who works with Special Ed kids in Pflugerville. Apparently some of the kids she knows from her work (I wasn't clear if they were her students or not) are in the movie in the background Special Olympics scenes.

Without going into a full review (which is now the realm of Nanostalgia.com), "The Ringer" is different from what was advertised. It's not an overly complicated movie, but it's certainly not what was advertised. I don't know how laugh-out-loud funny the movie is, but it also wasn't a syrupy-sweet after school special, either.

Uh, what else. We watched the Suns play the Cavs on TV. And, uhmmm..

Today I got up and headed down to Tempe to watch my buddy, Octavio, complete the PF Chang's Marathon. I have no idea what his time was, but he finished after some people and before a lot of other people. It was amazing to watch all of these crazy people crossing the finish line having had run 26 miles. We, uh... we walked like half a mile from the parking garage to the finish line to meet up with Octavio. Jamie kept saying things like "Oh, you have to mention that on The League." The only item I can recall is that I loaned my cell to some guy as he finished so he could call his wife. The guy had qualified for the Boston Marathon, which is pretty neat, but he made my phone sweaty.

Anyhoo, poor Octavio runs like 26 miles and the first face he sees is my ugly mug hooting and hollering. That's no reward.

I washed the dogs today, which is becoming a lot trickier with Lucy. She does not like the loud bathroom and being confined to the tub. She's bigger and stronger these days, so it's a lot of fun trying to do the job.

Hey, remember when The League wrote about the Star Wars Christmas album and Meco showed up in the comments section? That was weird, right?

I've been living in the comments section of "Return to Comics", and had recently shared my wisdom with Kurt, the guy who runs the joint. I had, in passing, mentioned a creator as a case in point as she had been in the comic web-o-sphere of late. The Beat had mentioned something I thought assisted an argument, and I used it.

Anyhoo, I thought I was writing about the Sony Reader and the future of electronic comics. Things haven't really degenerated into anything all that crazy, but, nonetheless, The League was quite surprised to get someone who is actually mentioned pop up. (Where was the dude who made Aliens v. Predator? That guy I would have given the business...). The creator I'd mentioned suddenly popped up in the comments like an HOUR after I'd put up the initial post.

Read here.

Because The League doesn't really expect for you to click on the link and follow the whole deal, it went sort of like this...


The League: Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast!

Jim D: It jumped up a notch!

The League: It did, didn't it?

RHPT: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart!

The League: I saw that! RHPT killed a guy! Did you throw a trident?

RHPT: Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident!

The League: RHPT, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Ughh... I already know I will probably nerd-out over this show.

I was such a sucker for the first two Blade movies (although the 3rd one wasn't my favorite). I'm not even one of these guys who likes to dress in all black and thinks vampires are super cool. I just liked the Blade movies a heck of a lot. Well, again, maybe not the third one.

Blade TV series.


...had Steanso been bit by a radioactive spider...

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Suns lose to Nuggets in triple overtime at Denver.

139-137.

Carmelo Anthony scored 43 points, I think. That guy can play, even after taking a boot to the head.

It's hard to be pissed about a loss when your team scores 137 points.
Sometimes real-life imitates comics

Such was the fate of Captain Jackson of Jackson, Michigan.

Read the article here.

I'm curious how much of the story was crafted to sound like a comic-read, and how much of it just naturally evolved in the research for the article. The whole thing sounds like a Daniel Clowes written superhero story.

But there's something so post-Watchmen about the whole thing, so very, very revealing about people through the events of the whole incident.

And do these not sound like a few panels from DKR?

Some locals said they were relieved to know Captain Jackson's true identity. Laurie Searing, 45, paused from her downtown shopping this week to question Captain Jackson's authority.
"I would like to be his nemesis," she said. "His clothes should be more loose-fitting. He's a self-appointed superhero. I don't think you should do that."


His nemesis? Although badly dressed, Cap was raising money for charities. He was helping grannies across the street. But his pants were too tight?

As odd a fixture as The League believes Captain Jackson might have been on the streets of Jackson, MI, The League is fairly sure there were worse things Captain Jackson could have been doing than trying to inspire people with acts of kindness and generosity.

We all talk a good game, but when it comes down to it, it drives us crazy to see someone actually try to do something unusual, even if its helping out others.

Of interest perhaps only to The League, this all has a familiar ring to it. Dark Knight Returns? Watchmen? JSA? Captain Carrot and his Zoo Crew? All contained heroes being disgraced and forced into retirement, usually because the heroes were eventually revealed to actually be human.

We at The League of Melbotis can can only sit idly by. Life imitates comics.

Also, it should be noted that Michigan is now down a superhero.

Ahem. Jill. Ahem.

Look, all I'm saying is "Captain Kalamazoo" has a certain ring to it.

See Captain Jackson's own website here.

Story originally found at The Beat.

For movies about folks who decide to become unlikely superheroes, see

George Washington

Blankman

Condorman

Mystery Men
No post tonight.

Here's a link to Nanostalgia.com, The League's joint-venture with Jim D., RHPT, Steanso and a host of other media-minded morons.

Also, what will surely be a future "Toys That Should Not Be", I have a special announcement that Denise will appreciate.

Someone is going to make Gwar action figures.

That's going to be a fun item for under the Christmas tree.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Vince Young opts out of public university education, decides to be rich

This should come as a surprise to approximately no one. Vince Young has announced his intention to submit his name for the NFL draft. Following in a long line of successful UT dropouts, including Michael Dell, Robert Rodriguez and Walter Cronkite, UT Football's own Vincent Young has decided to forego his senior year at The University of Texas at Austin to make some serious bank.

Read more about all of this here.

Speculation is running wild as to which team will grab Young and in what round. Of course, these guys are as reliable as a Central Texas seven day weather forecast, and most recently spent a week predicting USC would stomp UT at the Rose Bowl.

I'm open for speculation as long as everyone adds the caveat that they are pretty much making stuff up and have no idea what will happen in the several months before the draft.

Congrats to Vince. Those maroons didn't give you the Heisman, but you beat two Heisman winners, didn't you? There's gotta be a trophy for that, too.

Oh, yeah. It looks like this.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

SUNS BEAT SPURS (and The League was there!!!)

Last night The League abandoned League HQ to travel to the recently renamed "US Airways Center". The contest: Your Phoenix Suns v. The Mighty San Antonio Spurs.

Tickets were provided courtesy Judy and Dick McBride via Santa.

Look, I love the Spurs. I started watching them in earnest around 1996 or so after abandoing the post-Championship Houston Rockets. I used to enjoy pretty much everybody but Vinnie Del Negro. I was a fan of David Robinson and Avery Johnson, and with the rest of the rotating cast they were a fun team to watch. And then, all of a sudden, they started winning Championship games.

Jamie and I moved out here to the Valley of the Sun, and initially I wouldn't watch The Suns. I was always scrambling up and down the dial for Spurs and Rockets games, but despite the popularity of the Spurs, they just didn't show many Spurs games out here. I watched a few Suns games, but wasn't too engaged. However, I'd really gotten to miss watching basketball in the evening as had become my habit in Austin once they launched Fox Sports Southwest.

I wasn't a Mavs fan. I can't stand Dirk Nowitzki (whiny prima donna) but I liked Nash, so once The Suns got Nash, I tuned in. Now that's a committment as every single game played is shown on one channel or another out here. SOme games, like the game on Friday night, was shown on two channels.

This season has been weird as only Nash and the highly underrated Shawn Marion are left in this season's line-up (Stoudemire is returning from surgery in February). But Mike D'Antoni is a heck of a coach, and he took a bunch of second and third stringers from other teams this year and has made them #1 in the Pacific Division.

Anyway, when you have tickets to see the Suns v. Spurs, it's hard to go wrong.

We stopped off at Majerle's before the game, then headed over to US Airways Center a little early. I wanted to go see the Paseo where they do the local pre, mid and post-game broadacasts, as well as the new "Jungle", which is sort of a mini Chuck E. Cheese's for kids up on the second level.

I'm not sure if it's because they're the current reigning champs, or some sort of Southwestern solidarity, but there were a heck of a lot of Spurs fans in attendance. Including the couple sitting next to us. Who weren't very friendly and didn't take kindly to a snip I took at Fabricio Oberto (who shares a name with a delicious brand of beef jerky).

Anyhoo, it was good and bad. We had to be on our best behavior with so many in Spurs fans in attendance, and as I'm a Spurs fan, too, I wasn't as inclined to spend the game on my feet screaming obscenities at the opposing team. Early on, Spurs looked like they were coming out strong against the Suns, but the Suns quickly caught up, and the Spurs never took the lead again despite a 4th quarter surge.

Manu Ginobili is a great player, but he's very frustrating to watch play live. I don't think the Suns have really forgiven him for falling over on Leandro Barbosa and effectively taking him out for the season with a knee injury. Everytime he hit the court, he was boo'd by Suns fans. Not that it really seemed to distract him. Once you decide a guy is a shady player, you start to notice a lot of little things he does that are kind of, goofy. Apparently the refs noticed it too, and by the 4th quarter the refs quit calling fouls on anyone around Manu. Which, of course, drove him insane. Anyway, Pop took him out and it wasn't an issue.

It wasn't a great game for either team. Both teams were playing beyond what I would describe as "competitively", and seemed kind of like they were out to beat each other up a little as much as score points. Except for Duncan. Duncan was just being Duncan.

We had a great time, and I walked out with an official Phoenix Suns Gorilla (that's our mascot. A gorilla. I have no idea why.) Jamie got a nice cap.

Will the Suns make the play-offs? Absolutely. Once Grant, Barbosa and Stoudemire come back, we're going to be better than #1 in our division. We're going to be fighting for a top slot in our conference.

But the Spurs are going to be the team to beat as long as they retain their current line-up.

Oh, and the half-time entertainment was hip-hop violist Miri Ben-Ari. That was really odd, but still a lot of fun. Much more so than the "Showstoppers Live!" Casino Entertainment we saw last year.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Rosebowl Cont'd...


How can we cheer up the USC Trojans after their miserable defeat at the hands of the Mighty Longhorns of the University of Texas?

With SONG AND DANCE.

Thanks to RHPT for the link.

Also, from Reed-o...

Up is down, black is white...

Thursday, January 05, 2006

COMIC NERDS, AHOY!!!!

So, you may say to yourself: How does The League spend a week off from work?

Leaguers, the answer isn't pretty, but it is simple.

The League spent last week inventorying our vast and growing comic collection.

The reason for this are two-fold:

a) We can have a record for insurance purposes
b) We can also use the nifty database at ComicPriceGuide.com to SELL our comics.

Now, the key word here is, of course, SELL. The League swore once upon a star that we would never, ever sell our comics. And then one day, not so very long ago, The League sat back, took a breath and realized that the closet we use to store our comics is full. Now, when we put comics in their neat little nylon baggies with the acid free backing board, we get a good look at what's there. But we also only do this about once every 5-7 months. This means twice a year we get a harsh reminder that we have a lot of comics we really don't think we need anymore.

The Inventory:

Now here's the deal. I'm not done. I haven't yet got everything in the database, and I haven't got 95% of my trade collections in there.

I figure I'm 90-95% done with the actual comic books, at least knowing what I have, but I need to re-org some stuff. Why is Ultimates in with some fo my indie stuff? I don't know. I put it there a few years ago and it never moved.

Here's the numbers

long boxes: 14
short boxes: 9
long boxes, empty and waiting to be filled: 1
Uncanny X-Men: 172 issues (roughly 14 years worth)
Batman: 118 issues
JLA: 111 issues
Detective Comics: 109 issues
Action Comics: 82 issues
JSA: 80 issues
DC Comics: 3356
Marvel Comics: 1056
Total Number of comics: 4723


EVERYTHING MUST GO

The game plan now is three fold:

a) sell a lot of comics to my store so I can get "store credit". This would essentially enable me to trade old comics for new comics. Now, I've been told that with the volume of comics I'm talking about trading, these guys will probably only want to allow me to use credit on 1/2 of each purchase, but I figure that ain't all bad. They're still running a business, and I'm still trying milk that store credit as far as it will go.

b) What they don't want (I gave my store manager a spreadsheet of Marvel stuff I'm unloading. ComicPriceGuide.com exports to Excel, handily enough) I will try to sell on ComicPriceGuide.com

c) I will also talk to my insurance agent about adding my comic collection to my home insurance. If our house goes up in flames, I'm gonna be out a lot of comics/ a lot of money.

The nice aspect of all of this is that I can move into a bit more of a cyclical pattern with comics. I can still get new comics, but I can off-set the cost of the new stuff by unloading old stuff. Honestly, the way they collect everything into trades these days, I'd just as soon have the collections as the floppy comics. If I can get money enough from selling the comics to buy the collection, groovy.

Anyway, I'm getting rid of my Amazing Spider-Man stuff, I think. That feels like a major, major step. I really need to find that stuff in collections soon if I'm going to unload it. I've apparently got some odd, key issues that are worth a lot of dough to someone else. I just want the dough.

Some final thoughts on all this

The whole thing has a really strange feeling to it. I've had some of these comics since I was in middle or even elementary school. But I also know I only look at them when I open the boxes. There's no real good reason to hang onto them.

Comics pop out at me as being from certain phases in my life. Invisibles? Shade? First years of undergrad. My issues of X-men around 210? Early middle-school. JLA? End of undergrad. Spider-Man: Death of Kraven? Roadtrip across the U.S. when I was 11 or so.

One other funny thing I noticed... I'm a quitter. I would pick up a series, read it for a while, miss a single issues, buy another two issues, miss an issue, buy one more, and then quit reading the series. I see a rough pattern like this with a LOT of comics. I try to remember why I quit reading the series, and only some series can I remember making the conscious decision that I was DONE with that series (I can't even recall quitting reading Uncanny X-Men, but I did quit several year ago).

Anyhoo, that's what I've been up to.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006



UT WINS THE ROSE BOWL!!!!!

Shit. We just won the @#$%ing Rose Bowl. I can't @#$%ing believe it.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Eyes of Texas are upon you,
All the live long day.
The Eyes of Texas are upon you,
You can not get away.
Do not think you can escape them
At night or early in the morn-
The Eyes of Texas are upon you
'Till Gabriel blows his horn.


Wow. I will never, ever forget this one.

Oh, and one more time!

Texas Fight, Texas Fight, And it's goodbye to A&M.
Texas Fight, Texas Fight, And we'll put over one more win.
Texas Fight, Texas Fight, For it's Texas that we love best.
Hail, Hail, The gang's all here, And it's good-bye to all the rest!

Yea Orange! Yea White!
Yea Longhorns! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Texas Fight! Texas Fight, Yea Texas Fight!
Texas Fight! Texas Fight, Yea Texas Fight!

Screw you ESPN for spending all week talking like USC had this game in the bag. Wait, we're getting a Wheaties box! Heck, yeah!

Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peabo.... Dan... I hate you bastards for having tickets and getting to be there.

Golly, what a game. I almost threw-up on that last drive.

Wuff.

GO HORNS!!!

Oh, and I am naming my first born child Vincent Young Steans. Yes, I am. Or maybe my dog.
You Are Pecan Pie Soda

Sweet, but totally nuts
Wow. After the coverage today... Wow.

***morning update****

My intitial inclination was just to remove my quick post from last night before bedtime.

Well, as we all know by now, it was NOT 12 miners who survived the mining accident in West Virginia. It was 1 miner of the 13 who survived.

I was, like everyone else, elated upon hearing that 12 of the miners had survived and were just awaiting evacuation.

There are a lot of dangerous jobs that we take for granted, people who crawl into holes miles into the planet to bring back the resources we need to make this planet run. When you work in an office with an elevator and the biggest problem in your day is that nobody started the coffee, it's hard to imagine that day-after-day, exactly these kinds of threats hang over so many people's heads. Each time these people head off to work, it's a risk, and you know these guys don't earn any CEO wages.

Anyway, The League's thoughts are in West Virginia this morning.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

ROLLERGIRLS ROLLS AWAY WITH THE LEAGUE'S HEART

The League has a new favorite show. A&E's Rollergirls.

Remember when A&E was the channel that showed orchestras and Yo-Yo Ma talking about what sort of string he used? Yeah, I didn't watch that, either.

But I am going to watch Rollergirls.

Featuring a wide array of Austin slackers who have found their calling as the stars of Texas Roller Derby, the show follows the adventures of several women as they prepare for a week's match. (curiously, there's a completely different league under the name "Texas Rollergirls". Go figure.)

After suffering through "Real World: Austin" (aka Real World: two square blocks of downtown Austin) it was fun to see people actually walking around town near familiar landmarks and being the sort of 20 and 30-something slackers the town is crawling with (cough... STEANSO... cough).

One odd bit about Austin that you certainly don't find in Phoenix is that Austinites tend to find completely useless past-times in which they strive to overachieve. Be it the Spam toss at Spam-o-rama, or building a massive kite for kite fest or becoming champion of a disc golf league, folks in Austin tend to get easily distracted (The League was a black belt in TKD in Austin. Yeah, seriously.). This distraction may include forming two completely different all-girl roller derby leagues.

In Phoenix you pretty much play golf and put TV's in your SUV.




Anyhoo, I'm in for the next few episodes. I used to watch Rollerderby on cable in the 90's, so it's fun to see both the games and the goings-on behind the scenes.

You know, once again, this post seems most appropriate for Nanostalgia.com. Ah, well. Too late.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Retrocrush.com presents the 100 Most Annoying Things of 2005

The League is deeply jealous of Retrocrush's list.
Sitting through these movies must be torture...

Maybe this should be on Nanostalgia.com, but what's up with all the torture going on in movies, TV, etc... ?

Maybe I've seen too many commercials for films like Saw, Hostel and Wolf Creek lately, but the latest trend isn't crazy, unstoppable killing machines (Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger), serial killers (Hannibal Lecter, etc...), or even slightly sympanthetic killers (Norman Bates).

The latest trend, as near as I can tell, is for folks to end up getting tortured for 90-120 minutes.

After watching years of Fear Factor (now, apparently, in syndication) , Dog Eat Dog and Ally McBeal, maybe we're all used to torturing ourselves with movies and TV.

I dunno. I guess that's what the kids like these days, and maybe it's not too far of a cry from House on Haunted Hill or some of those other Price movies.

Opinions?
The League shouts "Bulls$%^!!!!" a great number of times.

Congratulations to the referees in tonight's Suns/ Knicks game. They really won that game for the Knicks.

I've only rarely seen such one-sided game calling. 3 Suns players were fouled out before the first of three OT's and 1 more fouled out in, I believe, the second OT (but that was Burke, so I'm not really sure how much of a conspiracy that one was).

Apparently, when in NY, putting your hands up when someone else shoots constitutes a foul. Also, there is no such thing as an offensive foul in NYC. Ever.

41 fouls on The Suns, 27 on the Knicks?

That was truly awful, awful reffing. The Knicks didn't deserve that win.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

2006: a Year in Review

I've only been awake for about thirty minutes, but I think we've had enough of 2006 to make some calls on how this year went.

Movie of the year: the few seconds of Narnia they showed in a clip on Headline News.

Song of the Year: Polyphonic Spree's "It's the Sun". For some reason that's what was in my head when I woke up.

Meal of the Year: "Muffin Tops Cereal"by Malt o' Meal and a cup of official Ruta Maya coffee sent by cousin Susan from Austin.

Cat of the Year: Jeff

Saturday, December 31, 2005

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYBUDDY!!!

Wow, did 2005 suck. Hurricanes. Tsunami after-effects. Political scandal. War. No Hot Tamales at the Gilbert WTC. Multiple hospital stays for Jamie. Cancellation of Arrested Development.

Yeah, you know what... @#$% you, 2005.

Anyway, Happy New Year, Loyal Leaguers.

And now...

The League of Melbotis 2005 Person of the Year

We name this person Person of the Year with some trepidation as we recently learned that Jim D's own mother reads this site from time to time. Mrs. D, I gotta ask that you forgive me for this one, but it was already in the works.

Without further ado, The League of Melbotis presents our first Person of the Year.

Congratulations, Grandmaster Tu Jin-Sheng. You are 2005's selection for Person of the Year.

Grandmaster Tu Jin-Sheng, well... I feel really awkward with Mrs. D reading this, but... you know... Anyway, he pulled a truck across a parking lot using his penis as an anchor.

That makes him not just Person of the Year, but, in fact, MAN of the year.

Article 1 on the amazing feat.

Article 2.

Article 3.


Master Tu

Here is Tu Jin-Sheng's own website, ironcrotch.com

Special thanks to Loyal Leaguer Dan Peters for informing me of this amazing feat.

Friday, December 30, 2005

2005 Year End Awards: Part II
Continuing the previous entry on this free-form topic...


TV Shows I watched regularly in 2005:
The Daily Show
Colbert Report
Headline News (oh, Linda Stouffer, you dreamy eyed babe of the half-hour news..! )
Arrested Development
Family Guy
The Soup
Monster House
Justice League Unlimited
The Office (US Edition)
the aforementioned Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, which I'm not sure I care for
and
Suns Basketball


TV Shows of Note that I caught Only Occasionally:
Wonder Showzen
American Experience
City Confidential
My Name is Earl
Smallville
Comedians of Comedy
Boondocks


TV Shows I still will not watch for no other reason than because people keep telling me to watch them:
The Apprentice (both Donald and Martha)
West Wing
Battlestar Galactica
Entourage
Boston Legal
Sopranos (in fact, anything on HBO...)
Commander in Chief

Special Mention: Lost. I do watch Lost, but it's because I love my wife dearly and she asks me to sit with her each week to watch the show.


Movie I've watched more times on cable this year than I really want to admit:
Napolean Dynamite

Movies I meant to see, but I didn't, so I hope they come to cable:
Good Night and Good Luck
Syriana
Jesus is Magic
MirrorMask
Munich
The Producers
A History of Violence (funny story, that...)
2046

Movies I saw which I thought were okay, but not great:
March of the Penguins (do none of you people watch Discovery Channel? Actually, Discovery would have inserted some science in there somewhere, not just wide-eyed wonder)
Madagascar (what was the moral? Try not to eat your friends? Thanks.)
The Constant Gardner. It wasn't bad, it was just so relentlessly depressing, I wasn't really sure why I was sitting there after the first hour.

Movie I followed until literally the last scene:

Memoirs of a Geisha. I had to ask Jamie, who'd read the book, what just happened there in the last scene before the credits rolled.

Times I had to tell someone to shut up in a movie this year:

At least twice. Star Wars I had to tell someone to hang up their phone during the Kenobi/ Anakin duel. King Kong, where I walked all the way across the theater to ask some kids to shut up. It seems like it happened another time, but it's not coming to me.


Album Cover of the Year:
Kanye West: Late Registration


I've heard only part of one song off of this album, but I know one thing: George Bush doesn't care about teddy bears


Comic Cover of the Year:

All-Star Superman #1


Recommended Collection of 2005 (non-continuity/ affordable):

DC: The New Frontier Vol. 1 and Vol. 2


Recommended Collection of 2005 (non-continuity/ not-affordable)

Watchmen Absolute Edition (actually, the price I found here at Amazon is pretty darn good)


Recommended Series/ Collections of 2005 (continuity/ affordable)

Well, probably Infinite Crisis, but a special nod to Adventures of Superman by Greg Rucka. Includes collections Unconventional Warfare, That Healing Touch, and issues 640-648

Recommended Collection of 2005 (continuity/ not as affordable)

Identity Crisis

Absolutely heart-breaking. The controversy surrounding the scenes in issue #2 in a monthly format did this series a disservice that should have been foreseen and avoided. We can save the debate of that choice for later.

As a single read, the series works significantly better, and has the feel of a book rather than episodic, issue driven plot points. Definitely worth a review. And definitely not the comfort food provided by so many DC comics.

Well, that's it for Part II. I'm pooped. If anyone has any suggestions for additional categories, let me know and we may see a part III.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

"Time to make the donuts" guy has merged with the great donut shop in the sky. May Michael Vale get to sleep as late as he likes for all eternity.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

The League (with Special Guest: Steanso) Taste Tests the Jones Soda Holiday Collection

The League is usually full of bad ideas, and, upon occasion, bad ideas that affect other people. Part of the new and improved Steans/ McBride gift exchange is the placement of "Santor" gifts under the tree.

This year, in addition to an unopened Richard Marx album which had been following The League around since 1996, Santor also gifted the visiting Steanso with the Jones Soda Holiday Collection. Apparently we got the National release vs. the regional release. In either case, I am fairly certain the results would have been similar.


Jeff the Cat takes a look at the collection.


Steanso carefully considers the journey upon which we are about to embark.



The collection includes five Holiday Dinner flavors, a spork and a moist towlette.
We took a wee wiff of each flavor before beginning the taste test.



Brussel Sprouts.


Turkey & Gravy


Wild Herb Stuffing


Pumpkin Pie


Cranberry. Which we spilled all over the counter and floor. It's okay. It's a taste test, not a "let's drink the whole bottle test." We used to have those, but it didn't involve soda. We called that "college."


Allrighty. Each of the Bros. Steans got a tiny, holiday and/ or animal themed cup with a tatse of the soda, plus some ice to keep it chilly.


The League hates Brussel Sprouts more than we hate Candian Baby-Eaters, but we also brought this upon ourselves, so it's up to us to go forward and take the first drink. At this point, the smell was already getting to me, and I wanted to call an abort on the whole plan. Unfortunately, the Bros. Steans are really good at egging each other on into unknown and foolish territory.

We had picked Brussel Sprouts first, knowing it had, by far, the foulest smell, and we might as well get it out of the way.



If evil has a taste, it's Brussel Sprout soda. Mother of Christ. Every animal instinct in my body kicked in, fight or flight alarms going off in my head. I almost vomited, even with just the tiniest taste of Brussel Sprout Soda in my mouth.

Luckily, Jamie was on hand with a canister of Tic-tacs.

At this point I beg for an abort and to discontinue the process, but Steanso is having none of it.


Steanso takes a sip. Unfortunately, the reaction shot here isn't really captured. I believe his exact words were "Jesus Christ (Bleep)".


He also had a Tic-Tac.



Steanso was up at bat and went for the Turkey and Gravy Soda.


Don't be fooled. It's not a smile. That's the same look Steanso gets when he's about to stand up and punch you in the mouth. You can't punch Turkey & Gravy Soda in the mouth. Notice, he's sweating. His fight or flight instincts have also kicked in.


The League also finds Turkey & Gravy soda unpleasant, but after Brussel Sprout soda, T&G tastes like a fine wine. It really has little taste at all, for which, in this case, we're eternally grateful.


Next up, Wild Herb Stuffing. We LOVE herb stuffing. Just not so much in soda form. It doesn't really smell like much of anything, but the color is that of a day-old colostomy bag. Nothing good can come of this. But, when we're done, we have only two more sodas left, and they're desert sodas. So, bottoms up.


Ughhhh... not good. And now my stomach is hurting from tasting bad things. We don't want to ever eat anything ever again.


Pumpkin Pie! Mmm-mmm! Steanso takes a sip, hoping for the smooth flavor of Mom's pumpkin pie. He is non-plussed and a bit repulsed.


The League almost throws up again. Pumpkin-pie is delicious. I have no idea what those bastards at Jones Soda were up to, but this ain't pumpkin. I spit and spit, feeling my stomach trying to squeeze out the poison which isn't even there.

This one was a surprise. I had expected it to be sort of okay, but instead it was like getting kicked in the crotch by your favorite aunt.


Last soda! Cranberry! Or, more accurate, gelatin cranberry sauce artificial flavoring! Steanso gives the "sign of the devil" as he prepares to take his final sip.


Delicious? Well, it didn't cause wretching.


It smells like cranberry juice cocktail, which The League likes a lot.


It doesn't not taste like cranberries, but our stomach is full of glass shards, our mouth is going numb and, if we were alone right now, we'd probably sit in the corner, rocking and crying ourself to sleep.


All in all, a Christmas Day miracle.

What you can't tell here is that I'm angry. I'm not really sure why, but it's that same sort of angry you get when you've just been through something pretty awful, like almost getting hit by a car, and you're just pissed. That's how I felt pretty much until I went to bed.

A novelty soda is a novelty soda, and The League had to learn this the hard way. Steanso deserves a gold star for putting up with this taste test, let alone partaking.



****UPDATE****

After reviewing the Taste Test post, Jamie asked if I would do this over again knowing what I know now.

I want to say "Of course!", but I'm gonna be honest with you... I wouldn't voluntarily drink any of these things again. Did I learn anything? No. My sense of smell forewarned me, my sense of taste confirmed it. My lizard brain knew enough not to drink this piss, and I went ahead and did it anyway. Sometimes you should really go with your gut.
In case you missed it, The League has posted several links for you to peruse.

Apophis, a gigantic meteor, will probably destroy the earth in 2036. I'm cancelling my IRA now. Read more here.

Superman entertains little kids in Germany. You don't see Batman doing that, now do you?

Metropolis, Illinois is erecting a statue in honor of Noel Neill, First Lady of Metropolis.

A trailer for a movie I can't believe actually got made for many reasons.

Rove is up to his old shenanigans again.

Official site for the upcoming "Miami Vice" movie. Thanks to Randy for the link.

Now, from Mattel, an impossible to obtain (literally) action figure of Hal Jordan for JLU.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

NORAD + Santa = Your Merry Christmas

If you're looking to track Santa, you don't need to do it yourself. NORAD is on the case!

The League just called NORAD and spoke with a very nice soldier who told us that Santa is in Russia.

To track Santa, go here.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Merry Christmas from The League of Melbotis

The entire cast and crew from League HQ wishes you a very Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, or however you want to celebrate this season. We're shutting down here this evening, but we won't be out of touch. Don't hesitate to call or e-mail to get the latest details of what Melbotis, himself, is up to.

Travel safe. Be good. Be good to one another.

I've made my Christmas list:

  • Peace for myself and my family.
  • Peace for the world and a little understanding.
  • A bit of joy and happiness.
  • Strength to do the right thing.
  • Wisdom to know what the right thing might be.
  • Hope for a better tomorrow.
  • And time. Time enough to let those I love know what they mean to me.

Merry Christmas, Leaguers. I don't thank all of you enough.

and Merry Christmas, Jamie. Next year will be better. I love you, sweetie.


I think I failed to mention this, but since it's come up once already today...

Jamie and I will not be in Houston or in Texas over Christmas. We are staying in Arizona. Lucy is at a critical juncture in her flight training, and it would be remiss of us to take her out of pilot school for even a few days.

Steanso will be coming into town on the 23rd, so we won't be totally abandoned out here.

If you were planning to try to get in touch, sorry about that. Hope you can somehow struggle through the Holidays without The League's own personal brand of Holiday cheer.

Love,

The League

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Monday, December 19, 2005

JIM D IS 30



Did you know it's Jim D's birthday?

Jim is now an ancient, creaky 30 years old. He has no longer allowed to be an angry young man. If this were 1850, Jim would expect to live about another 5-10 years.

Happy 30th, Jim.


Supergirl is here to make Jim feel young again.
The folks are in town for a few days for a pre-Christmas Christmas visit.

Things are a little goofy this year as Jamie's ever-fluctuating health has meant we declined to travel to Houston for this year's Christmas fun. Well, my grandparents had already booked their trip to Houston, and my parents wanted to see both fun ends of the generation spectrum. Hence, my folks are here this weekend.

For you Loyal Leaguers, this means reduced blogging going into Christmas. Which, given participation of late, probably won't be a big deal (hey, it's the Holidays. I know you kids are busy).

Just when I thought Nanostalgia.com was on life support (Jim D. and Randy had been MIA), Steven G. Harms picked an hilarious fight with a reviewer from "The Stranger", and apparently got her irritated enough to respond in full in the comments section. Steven G. Harms, I bow before you once again.

I made some fairly immature comments in the comments section, too, but I'm not on my usual computer where I bookmarked my log-in to Nanostalgia, so you can read my $0.02 on the issue which was not very well self-edited. Most likely, I would have preferred to have not posted my second comment at all. The first one was sufficient.

Ah, well. I'm a jack ass. This is not news.

We sort of had Christmas today. Woke up, ate Jamie's once-a-year Roll Wreath (ambrosia, Leaguers. If anything every demanded a recipe posted, it's Judy McB's Christmas Roll Wreath), some bacon and had some coffee. Showered, went to church (got lost on way to the church), grabbed lunch, fell asleep for a long time, woke up, played with dogs, opened Christmas presents, played with dogs, ate a delicious Christmas dinner, did dishes, watched "It's a Wonderful Life."

At this point, December 25th is sort of moot. I did my Christmas. It was very nice. Anything Steanso brings to the table during Christmas visit next week will be lesser and a bit of a let down. We'll do Channukah instead, just to mix it up.

Oh, man. I think the cat just farted on me. Ewww.

Anyway, ya'll have a good one this week. Safe traveling. Safe shopping. Safe everything.

(Oh, and here is my secret message to all my fellow revolutionaries in The War on Christmas: The Fat Man is in the Sleigh. I repeat: The Fat Man is in the Sleigh.)

Buwahhhhh-HA HA HA HA HA HA

Friday, December 16, 2005

IT'S A VERY CHEWY CHRISTMAS

You know, somehow Christmas and Wookies keep intersecting here at The League.

Longtime Leaguer Peabo sends along this Christmas entertainment that's fun and safe for the whole family. No seriously. My co-workers enjoyed this, too.

Crank up your speakers, especially if you're at work.