they start so young...

The League is sad to report young Arden has been seen running with a tough gang of kids lately and may have fallen in with the wrong crowd.


flashing gang signals, Arden sticks it to the man

More details as events warrant

Spiders on drugs

Mayhaps due to recently seeing "Charlotte's Web", Jamie has recently been a bit fascinated by spiders and their webs.

Apparently, some time ago, scientists from England got some spiders doped up and decided to let them spin their webs. Check it out.

The results in the photos are fascinating. I'm sure someone with more brainpower than me would have something more enlightened to say about all this.

Wanting to see more trippy "spiders on drugs" photos, Jamie did some googling and even found something on YouTube. For some weird science stuff, check this out.

Thanks, JimD!

Special thanks to JimD for his assist and for forwarding a link to my Comic Fodder story to The Beat. Much to my surprise, Heidi posted a link to my first CF post.

Jim is wise in the ways of blogging.

ComicFodder: First Post

Can you tell I'm nervous?

here's a link to my first post for ComicFodder

Ah, nothing like a dry, whiny tirade to get the audience rolling in.

Dr. Atkins ruined my breakfast

So today Jamie woke me up and said, "The toaster is broken."
This news did not come as a complete surprise. The toaster oven had, reportedly, burst into flames the other day during an english muffin incident.
"Let's go get breakfast," she declared after I'd rolled around in bed for a few more minutes, even trying to get Mel to join my cause of remaining in the comfy, warm bed.
"We have cereal," I said.
"Nah, I want to go out. We can even go get bagels."
I love bagels. Like all the best foods, bagels are round. They have a convenient hole in the middle for better gripping. You cover them in delicious cream cheese. And in Phoenix, we had three good bagel shops within a few minutes of the house, so I ate a lot of bagels.
Not so in Austin.
I am told, the "no carbs" movement led by Dr. Atkins has meant that the suburbanites which once filled bagel shops have given up on the notion of a bagel shop. Somehow this has not stopped them from filling Starbucks to overflowing and eating sugar drenched and fat-injected pastries while chigging down venti mochas (which obviously have no calories in them).
Thus, bagel shops aren't anywhere near as popular or numerous as they once were. In fact, there really aren't any in my part of town.
But, Jamie promised me a bagel.
We headed to Central Market, which, oddly didn't appear to have bagels in their cafe. Lots of other stuff that's crappy for you, but no bagels. Then we headed to Kerbey Lane, knowing bagels were on the menu, even though they were not the most exciting bagels in the world. But, Kerbey Lane being Kerbery Lane, we waited around for fifteen minutes (on a weekday morning), had a table which was then swiped from us, and I made my twice annual "I shall never wat at Kerbey Lane again!" declaration as we got irritated and left.
I never got a bagel. I made some eggs at home.

I've done a Google-search. I can't find any bagel shops anywhere near the 78745. We have Mexican restaurants which serve breakfast coming out our ears, including Casa G's and a Maudie's not too far away. The closest bagel shop, however, is an Einstein Bros. on 12th and Lamar, and one does not go willy-nilly into the Lamar Shopping Zone of Doom without damn good cause. But I love frikkin' Einstein Bros., so maybe on Saturday.

I suppose I could buy bagels at HEB, but the Lender's type bagels you can buy in a bag are doughy and weird and don't even taste like regular bagels. And, they don't come in any varieties other than cinnamon, whole wheat and plain at my grocery.
I haven't tried to pick up their "fresh" bagels at HEB, but rarely are grocery store bagels out of the grocery store bakery all that exciting.

I'm just a man who wants a good bagel, and I don't want to drive to 12th and Lamar to get it. I resent the abandonment of the bagel so that people could move on to the next fad. We had a good thing going with the bagel. People could agree on the bagel. It could be served toasted or cold. It could be plain, or salted, or oniony or with raisins embedded. It could even be pumpernickel.

And, you usually got to drink a hell of a lot of coffee while enjoying your bagel.

I am not even particularly bothered by the knowledge that there is not a bagel shop in the '45 (or the '04). But what bugs me is that the selection at the grocery store is returning to the slim, pre-bagel craze offerings which once shamed the good name of bagels.

Damn you, Dr. Atkins. Damn you straight to hell.

Superman IV: The Quest for Mark Pillow

Can you read my mind? Do you know what it is you do to me?

Ah, Superman IV. I am uncertain as to how Superman falls into my development as a Superman Fan. Well, that's not true. I honestly think my viewing of Superman IV is a crucial portion of that tale.

I was already a huge fan of "Superman: The Movie" and "Superman II". I had seen "Superman III" numerous times, but when "Superman IV: The Quest for Peace" was released, it came and went from the theaters before I could peddle my bike to the Showplace VI to catch it. Obviously the release of the film couldn't have had me sitting on pins and needles.

So one Sunday afternoon my Sophomore year at UT (a year which shall live in infamy), I was supposed to be doing homework and running my laundry, and, instead, flipped on the afternoon movie on KBVO. I had never seen "Superman IV", and now seemed like a heck of an opportunity to watch the film. Maybe just a little bit of it. And three hours later, I was slapping my forehead and rolling my eyes in shame.

But I am uncertain if it is a coincidence that my Junior year was when I began to take an interest in Superman and Superman comics (although I wouldn't begin collecting in ernest for years). Could "Superman IV" have drummed up additional Superman interest in my mind?

A quick review of the back-up materials on the Superman Ultimate DVD Collection will tell you that nobody involved with the production of Superman IV was happy with the results, including the actor who played the heavy of the film, Nuclear Man, who had two more roles before returning to Spring, Texas... just a few miles from my parent's house, in fact.

I just finished watching Superman IV, and I am unsure if it's coincidence or not, but I have a raging headache. It's sort of just north of the orbit of my left eye, and feels a bit like I've been struck with a ballpeen hammer. Sure, it could be the weather, or allergies, or a lack of caffeine. I think it's Cannon Film's half-baked treatment of the Superman franchise.

A quick IMDB search will further provide details to tell you that the theatrical release of the film was 90 minutes, but the original cut ran more than 130 minutes. At 90 minutes, the film is choppy and nonsensical, yet I cannot imagine welcoming 40 more minutes of this film into my life.

Sure, the cast is back. Christopher Reeve actually seems pretty chipper to be back in the Superman suit, and gets a little more room to play with Clark in this movie. Whatever happened to Margot Kidder had really started to sink in by the time this installment rolled around, and at age 38 or 39, she comes off like one of my goofier middle-school teachers rather than Lois (keep this in mind when you complain about the current Superman cast being cast so young). Jackie cooper is back as a Grampa-ish Perry White, and Mark McClure is in a lot of wide shots as Jimmy Olsen. I don't know what they paid Hackman to reprise his role as Lex Luthor, but apparently it was enough to make him show up, and that was about it.

Additions include an early, almost non-existent part of a slim Jim Broadbent as a weapons-dealer, John Cryer playing Luthor's ha-ha-stupid nephew, Lenny, and, of course, Mark Pillow as Nuclear Man. A little bit more interesting is that Mariel Hemingway appears as a pre-Cat Grant suitor for Clark Kent (not Superman). And I realized she sort of looks like one of my old bosses if my old boss wore dresses with enormous shoulder pads.

A quick browse of the trivia on Mark Pillow's IMDB entry tells us that there were supposed to be two Nuclear Man's in the film, but the first was cut for time. If the deleted footage of the film tells us anything, it's that it may have also been cut for taste. Now, here's the curious bit: I think that they may have left the first Nuclear Man in the TV-version I watched on that sunny Saturday those many years ago.
A) that movie went on forever, and B) there were a few things which seemed somehow familiar, including plot points. I may be halluncinating all of this, but there is a 134 minute version listed on IMDB, so it's possible that's what I saw.

The plot of the movie is as follows:


-Superman is a friend to all nations. This is illustrated with an opening sequence of Superman saving Godless communist cosmonauts when they are hit by space debris.

-The Daily Planet is sold to character actor Sam Wanamaker and Mariel Hemingway (his daughter). They turn The Daily Planet into a NY Post-style tabloid overnight. Seemingly without Perry White or any of his staff knowing what's going to print.

-Peace talks between the US, and, I assume, a pre-Glasnost USSR breakdown. Or maybe France. It's hard to tell. There's some mention of France. Both sides declare they will be "second to none" in how many nuclear missles they have.

-A young boy in serious need of a good orthodontist and a serious crush on our Man of Steel fails a class assignment by writing a "no nukes" letter to Superman instead of his Congressman.

-Luthor escapes jail with the aid of John Cryer.

-The new tabloid folks force Superman's hand by writing a "Superman tells kid to 'Drop Dead'" story.

-Superman reveals his secret to Lois for absolutely no reason. She says that "she knows", but it's not clear if she's always known or just remembered. They fly around the world at speeds that would surely tear Lois into shreds. I guess the producers were trying to recreate the magic, but it now looks like Superman is flying with someone's mom. He then kisses her and supposedly makes her forget. I have no idea what we were supposed to get out of that sequence but a brief opportunity to hit the can.

-Superman goes to the UN-set (which looks every bit as tacky as the real UN) and tells everyone he will now rid the world of nuclear weapons. He receives a standing "O". The viewer laughs aloud, trying to (a) imagine the UN agreeing to anything, (b) deciding that the right thing to do is let an alien with no oversight and an unknown agenda disarm the Earth.
Now, in the deleted scenes, prior to the UN scene, there's a bit where Superman tells the kid "I'm really not supposed to disarm all of humanity". The kid whines. I seem to also remember this from the TV version. All of that also breaks up some awkward moping that Superman/ Clark does for a while prior to the UN sequence.


-The kid is never seen again. Rightfully. If I were him, and had just had that kind of success with a letter writing campaign in 1987, I probably would have begun writing letters to Amanda Pays.

-Superman "disarms" the entire world. Sort of. I recall seeing statistics for how many nuclear weapons the US and the USSR each had on a graph in Time, circa 1983. I think Superman may have shorted himself by 100,000 weapons on both sides. He throws the nuclear weapons into the sun. Now, this is an interesting bit as nothing is made of either the US or USSR going completely monkey-crap about their nuclear stockpiles being swiped by an alien being. Really, this should have been "The Day the Earth Stood Still". But all of that is pushed aside so we can focus on...

-Luthor's idiotic plot. Luthor schemes to get in bed with some arms manufacturers who will continue to build nuclear weapons. Or something. We learn that Luthor is actually cloning a Nuclear Man from a strand of Superman's hair. But he needs the power of the sun to make his Nuclear Man work. So what he's really doing is conning a seemingly fully complicit nukes dealer into strapping a shoebox full of silly-putty and a doll-dress to a nuclear missle, hoping Superman will intercept it and throw it into the sun. Which he does.
I think (though it's never said out loud) that the idea is that the guy KNOWS what Luthor is doing, and will go along with his Nuclear Man plan to kill Superman, so he can re-arm the world, and Luthor gets a cut.
Dropping California into the ocean for a real estate swindle now seems so quaint.
-One of the guys from Ah-Ha, fresh from Studio 54 party, emerges from the sun.

- Superman fights the nuclear guy. For some reason, the nuclear guy has press-on nails that maybe poison Superman for some reason. Which is never made clear as both Nukie and Supes get their power from El Sol. Radiation?

-Lois comes to Clark's apartment and gives an awkward speech which leads you to believe she knows Clark is Superman. This goes nowhere. I think maybe we were supposed to gleen that this is Lois making peace with the knowledge she has. I don't know. Nobody is bad in the scene, it's just that nothing really comes of it and it's a big ol' matzah ball to leave in the middle of a movie like this.

-Superman uses his last crystal he grabbed early on in the movie and heals himself from the poisoning. Why he waits is never made clear, but he goes from having the chills to looking like the Crypt Keeper in two scenes.

-Supes fights Nuclear Man. the fight necessitates that Superman push the moon out of orbit to block Nuclear Man's line of site to the sun (which Nuclear Man needs to have access to his powers). Curiously, the Earth is not shorn in half by the gravitational disruption, and nobody seems to notice the moon moving out of orbit.

-Mariel Hemingway is taken into space by Nuclear Man at some point. Apparently Mariel Hemingway is immune to absolute zero temperatures, the rigors of a vaccuum, and the rough ride out of the Earth's atmosphere and gravity. She is one tough cookie.

-At some point, Mariel Hemingway, Lois, Clark and Superman partake in an awkward sex-farce style scene in which Clark and Superman keep coming and going from Mariel Hemingway's apartment. It isn't funny, and for some reason, Lois makes a duck in the oven.

-Superman throws Lex back in jail and let's the world re-arm itself

-we learn that a very 20-something looking John Cryer was supposed to be an impressionable teenager when he is placed in "Boys Town". Literally. It's his last scene and leaves a lot of questions.

-there's some talk of a narrowly averted nuclear incident. I don't know what nuclear disaster the news-guy is talking about. I assume it was yet another element cut out of the film, like the first Nuclear Man. I am trying to puzzle what why a war was imminent if nobody had missles, but nothing is coming.

-for some reason, Nuclear Man is very interested in Mariel Hemingway after seeing her on the cover of a British edition of The Planet. We know it is British as "Favorite" is spelled "Favourite" right on the cover. I assume this is how they spell "favorite" in the UK, and not just a type-o. Anyway, there's some explanation of Nuclear Man's interest in Mariel Hemingway on Mark Pillow's IMDB entry. In the context of the movie, it makes no @#$%ing sense, but does lead to a moon-fight and to Superman replacing a moon-flag, looking like a disgruntled suburbanite cleaning up after kids ran through his yard.

-Apropos of nothing, Mariel hemingway learns the value of journalism with integrity. I assume this is part of a subplot which has been cut. At the film's end, Perry White takes an escalator and announces he's taken an enormous loan to buy out Wanamaker. Which is amazing, because they clearly state at the beginning of the film that the Planet hasn't turned a profit in three years. Metropolis' banking system must be a shambles. Also, there's something very "Monster-A-Go-Go" about a character telling us about all sorts of action which took place off-screen, but which we never get to see.

This movie cost $17 million, which is roughly 5% more than just Brando's salary on the first picture, I think. It's written with the best of liberal intentions, what with the strong "no nukes" stance. I understand that it was actually Christopher Reeve who suggested Superman tackle the real-world issue of nuclear disarmament, but I think it's safe to say that he did not anticipate the endless goofiness which would saturate the film.

I don't think any of the ideas in the film are necessarily bad ideas. There is just a layer of abject failure of execution which permeates every frame of the movie. What happens when Superman tries to save all of us from ourselves in one enormous display? That's an interesting question. The movie asks the question, but is derailed by Mark Pillow in a cape before it can give a coherent answer. A walking, super-powered dirty-bomb as an enemy for the man of steel. Did he need to be a clone? Can Mariel Hemingway survive in a vaccuum? Only scientists really know.

And what must Hackman have thought of Cryer's idiotic turn as Lenny Luthor? Surely he asked him to tone it down... We may never know.

All of that said, this movie still makes more sense than Supergirl.

I kind of want to see if I can find Mark Pillow's house, as it can't be more than 10 minutes from my parent's house. Maybe he'd sign my copy of Superman IV. You never know.

ComicsFodder

A while back, Doug's friend Shannon alerted The Doug to the fact that the media review site she works with was looking for a comics blogger. (Did that sentence make any sense? I challenge you to diagram it.)

Anyway, I took a look at the site, saw their tone and format for media review, and was very interested. But I was also moving. I contacted the site manager to see what the expectations might be, and, frankly knew I couldn't swing it. Not with a move on.

So a few weeks ago I was talking to S. Bloom, who is (was? There's an "R" next to his name on their staff list) a contributor at Footballguys.com (oh, man, I need to add that link), and he was talking about really enjoying his work as a sports blogger. So, I thought to myself, "Gee, The League, you blog several times a week. Could you swing that sort of gig? You know, if a comics sort of context?"

And then I did my year-end comics round-up, back-to-back with the Vaughan and Cooke post from a little ways back, got a little encouragment... and, anyway, I started thinking about the FilmFodder site all over again.

So, just prior to Christmas I took a look to see what FilmFodder had been up to in the comics arena. Their coverage was interesting, but had fallen off since Novemeber. I got in touch with the site manager, did a "remember me?" e-mail, and was redirected to the gentleman who is, essentially, the editor for ComicsFodder.

Long-story-long, The League should be joining the ranks of FilmFodder, down in the ComicsFodder subsection.

I am now responsible for Comics content on FilmFodder a few times a week.

What will this mean for LoM?

Probably not a lot. The comic posts that you would see here will probably now just exist as redirects to ComicsFodder. I probably will not rant over on ComicsFodder regarding Superman as I have editorial responsibilities.

I think the deal I've made is more or less to be the DCU blogger. A post or two or three a week, featuring comic reviews. Columns of commentary. That sort of thing. Stuff you see here and ignore on a regular basis.

I'll still be posting a lot of that top-notch, high-quality navel gazing that you're used to. At least the sort of stuff that tends to draw comments.

I will alert all Loyal Leaguers when I have my inaugral post. In the meantime, I have some ducks to get in rows with the editor and site-manager.

Wish me luck.

RHPT, Mysterious M combine DNA. Logical product expected.

Randy knocked up M. They're gonna have a kid.

Well done, RHPT. I look forward to you being disappointed in your infant's inability to set Feedburner into his/her blog.

M, congrats. I do not believe I am alone in hoping that the child inherits your looks, wit and wisdom. And, of course, RHPT's DNA can offer... RHPT's... I am sure Randy has many good qualities that would somehow help. Maybe. Well, best of luck with that side of the helix.

All righty. Let's stay positive.

So... yeah. Kid. For RHPT. Wow. Luckily, M had babyproofed the house years ago for RHPT, and she has to cut his meat for him, so she is probably very prepared to bring a child into the world.

Congrats to the lucky couple.

OU, I am sorry

I really thought you would win. I sincerely did. You played your heart out, especially Mr. Peterson. Dang.

But that proposal... that was pretty sweet. That's a dude who knows how to utilize a moment.

more here

Dreamgirls (aka: Never Again to the Metropolitan 14)

Wow. You know, I remember when they built the Metropolitan 14. It's a gigantic movie theater just South of the Motor Mile on I-35, tucked a ways back from the freeway as the handful of acres between the theater and the parking lot is sort of a run-off/ swampy area. But you can't miss it. The theater is four stories tall, with a gigantic tower poking up from the trees another several yards. The tower is adorned with neon rings humongous silvery statues of nude dudes, like something out of a Joel Shumacher Batman film. Inside there are statues of nude ladies, so there's equal opportunity for abso-ludicrousness.

But, since day 1, The Metropolitan has been bad news. I saw "Unbreakable" there, and was distracted for the duration of the film by a weird, stagnant swampy smell which, I assume, came from the swamp or something foul going on with the pipes. The cavernous theaters give the illusion that nobody can hear you, and thus the knobs of South Austin all flock to the theater (now that Riverside is closed down) and, seemingly, find the movies the BEST place to hold a conversation.

And, so it was with Dreamgirls. I kinda-sorta knew we were in trouble when folks were drifting in to the movie as it began (after 20 minutes of trailers, so, you know, these people were committed). Then were stunned to learn Dreamgirls was a musical, and thusly laughed and laughed whenever anyone broke into song. Which was pretty much continuously. We gave the evil eye, and both Jamie and I shushed (I resorted to the "quiet!" shush). All of this seemed to just egg on the couple who was certainly old enough to know better. So, maybe 45 minutes in, we finally moved.

I doubt our departure from our seats achieved the desired effect of somehow shaming these folks as I heard the guy laugh again two or three more times.

In the interim, a trio of teenagers who had been loudly chatting mid-theater up and left. I have no idea what spurred their departure. I like to think someone tried to shiv them.

And then the capper was when, during the FINAL scene of the movie, a family of morbidly obese folks loudly waddled their way into the row behind us, and began an involved conversation. Our quick "shush" was met with laughter and a quick discussion of how they were upsetting people. Of course, the final scene is not really the time to throw in the towel, but I seriously considered quitting as there was no new information to be gleened.

Unfortunately, most of the things I can usually think to say which probably WOULD make folks hush up are generally fairly offensive and could, potentially, lead to gun-play. The League is not ready to ruin a movie by bleeding out in his Milk Duds, so we do our best to just "shush". Further, the few times I have summoned an usher, the usher really, really DOES NOT want to get involved, and the folks have invariably been quiet as churchmice until the usher departs.

I guess I probably would have been upset if the movie were awful, and, in fact, I probably would have left. But I sort of liked Dreamgirls. Yes, it's a musical, but I will cop to enjoying a good musical now and then. A lot of love went into the movie, and unlike several recent period movies, they actually do the hairstyles and clothes of the era fairly decent justice.

I'm just going to get this out of the way: Beyonce Knowles is freakishly beautiful. When I look at Beyonce in the film, I am unsure of what I am looking at. She consistently appears to be either computer generated or air brushed. I don't want this note to detract from her acting or singing, because both are swell. She's SUPPOSED to be beautiful in the film, and obviously the DP had a good time working with her as a subject. Make of that what you will.

The rest of the cast is very good as well. Eddie Murphy pulls out his long-lost singing talents, and occasionally channels his old James Brown SNL-persona, but never inappropriately. Jamie Foxx plays the most complicated character of the film, but I don't think it's a huge surprise to say he handles both singing and acting just fine, what with he owning awards and all that. Jennifer Hudson plays a surprisingly large part in the film, and aside from a few moments which weren't nailed, her voice easily carries her through the part.

I guess not every single song was my sort of song, and I had expected something a little more of the early-"Supremes", but instead you get a "Behind the Music" career spanning tale of a fictional band, told in the musical format. That's not necessarily a bad thing if you're someone who looks at R&B or rock history as modern myth, and if you dig the songs. But at somewhere just over two-hours, the narrative's arc is only rarely surprising, especially when character arcs echo real-life talent or standard tropes of "makin' it" flicks.

Do I recommend the flick? Man, I don't know. if you're the bonehead who was heartily laughing behind us, then no. It's a musical. Would I buy the soundtrack? I don't know. I liked some of the songs, but as a good musical, the songs are focused on expressing character's thoughts and moving the action forward, just... you know, in a decades-spanning R&B format. So...

It's probably nothing I'm ever going to buy on DVD, I don't think. But, heck, it was a fun movie. I'd send the KareBear and Admiral to go see it.

Our New Year

We had to turn down an invitation or two as we'd been extended an invitation early on for New Year's (nice change of pace after 4 years of solo-New Year's), and headed to The Bloom's.

Sorry to Steven and Lauren. We'll catch up next weekend.

And to Hilary (who I do not believe actually visits this site). We'll catch up ASAP.

Thanks to the Bloom's for inviting us.

Finally was able to get Andy his replacement mit (a lobster claw mit, to go with the Mr. Pinchy theme. It's a long story). Met the famous Rosa. And even Jen Shaw made a rare appearance.

Jason can fill you in on the rest here.


As for today:

We really didn't do much. I eventually woke up, let Lucy out, and fell asleep again on the couch. So Lucy froze outside for an hour. Poor Lucy.

At some point this morning, Jeff got out again. We just hear him crying somewhere, and Jamie headed off to find him. I went to make coffee and saw the poor little fella standing at the backdoor, freezing his tail off.

High-School chum Scott Wiser came by (on his Harley. Damn you, Scott) and we hung out this afternoon. It's been a long time since Scott and I hung out (something like 13 years), but it was great to see the guy again.

Tonight we're off to see "Dream Girls". Because, I confess, I am willing to spend two hours watching women in slinky dresses. And I suppose with Beyone, Jennifer Hudson, Eddie Murphy and Jamie Foxx, the music should be a-ok, as well as most of the acting. Still, it shall be no Eragon.

random comments, December 2006

Adios, 2006

Hokey Smokes.

It's the end of one of the most tumultuous years in League history. Apparently, like a lot of other people, I've decided NOT to do an exhaustive Best of 2006 list. Honestly, this year has been so nuts, and I've been so pre-occupied since mid-June, I don't feel that I'm qualified to talk about movies, music, books or anything else. Life took over this year, and that means that a lot of media-review navel-gazing took a back seat to having a life.

Year in Superman



As a Superman Fan, I think it's definitely been a good year. With a new movie released (and one I enjoyed the heck out of), lots of reprints on the shelf, excellent creators on the core titles, fantastic creators on the ancillary titles, and Superman starring in a major cross-over event, two dedicated action figure lines, a great Silver Age action figure set from DC Direct, some nice DC Direct statues, lots of other new licensed product, tons of great material on DVD (from Kirk Alyn to Brandon Routh)... yeah, 2006 was a good year for The Man of Steel and his fans.

But, mostly, with the release of the Superman film, the usual Chinese Water Torture of journalists trickling out the same "Superman is Irrelevant" op-ed column completely evaporated. If Singer and Co. managed to do anything, it was remind the public of Superman's relevance.


The Move

I will always remember that moment in which I decided it was time to skip town with crystal clarity. I was sitting at my desk on a Friday afternoon, pushing some digital paperwork around for the millionth time, and thinking about how this was the same paperwork I could, potentially, be pushing around until I retired, and a little light went on in my head.

The move was a tremendous pain. As I knew it would be, it was expensive. It was risky. It was frought with complications. It was entirely worth it.

It's funny, because I DO miss friends and co-workers from the old place. I miss aspects of my old job (as The League loves it when a plan comes together). But the words "regret" or "second-thoughts" haven't popped up at all in relation to the move. No matter what issues Jamie and I have dealt with, or are continuing to deal with, it has absolutely been worth it. If anything brought that idea home, it was seeing so many friends at The League 2006 Holiday Spectacular.

I love this town.


Friends, new and old

It's avoiding the obvious not to mention the passing of Jeff Wilson, which, within our family and the circle of friends which Jeff was instrumental in establishing, has overshadowed the year. I don't know what more to say on this than was already said by folks who knew Jeff better than I ever did, and who feel the loss more acutely.

After years of hearing their names, upon arrival we met many new folks through Jason (and through Jeff), including Andy, Rami, the Blooms, JackBart and more. We've caught up with the Shaws and their addition. We've had the unique opportunity to become chummy with Steven and Lauren after years of e-mails and comment section postings. And, of course, we've reconnected with a lot of good folks in Austin.

We'll miss folks in Arizona, including my old office mates (hello OH), and some folks we met through Jamie's office. Hopefully we won't drift away until we're only exchanging Christmas cards.

We've been very lucky to see so much of Doug this year (but have a certain Kristen deficit we need to correct), are glad to be reintegrating Jason and Susan into our Austin-life, and are, of course, very happy that both sets of parents are now just a car-ride away.

I'm going to miss somebody in this, so I'm going to stop while I'm ahead.

Thanks, so much for a good year, everyone.


UT Football

So the 2005 UT Longhorns were sort of, technically, the 2005 team. But they won the Rose Bowl in 2006, so... Anyway, just wanted to bask in that one last time.




So long, 2006

Name Dropping

Ah, there's nothing like tuning in and seeing seeing your name associated with the Wonder Woman Museum on your local 24-hour news network. Thanks, Andy! May the subscribers to Time-Warner Cable in Austin all become loyal fans of the Maid of Might.

This is pretty much it

Okay.

You may have noted some differences in the look of the site. I was more or less forced to update the blog thanks to changes within Blogger. Yes, it seems Blogger may have implemented new features since I first posted, lo, those many years ago. They now have some neat tools, and so I'm trying to integrate some of that.

One of the big things I'm going to try to work with is the "labels" or "topics" dealy. I think this will help me organize the archives in a manner more effective than trying to guess the date of a post. That said, I'm not going to backtrack and link EVERY Superman related post (though I gave it the old college try), comic book review, etc... Or at least I don't think I'm going to do so. Nor does this mean that I'm going to start writing specifically toward categories. I think. I hope.

I hope you like the basics of the new look. If not, sorry. This is the third look for the site, and it's stripped of a lot of the color, etc... which I assume longtime readers should be familiar. I played with a lot of templates and color-schemes, and this is the one I've settled on for the next several months, anyway.

As of now I am also not including links to sites which are not personal sites or comic/comic-related sites.

If you're missing something in particular, let me know.

Oh, I am also putting the monthly poll on hiatus. I'm not really sure how much anybody is really getting out of it.

Sayonara, Saddam

I stayed up watching the news last night as the news networks went into a sort of countdown to Saddam's execution. Since someone finally found him in a hole in the ground, the whole thing has had an air of inevitability to it.

Of course anyone would be pleased to see Saddam face a court in his own country, especially with the endless line of witnesses who could provide testimony. The question now is what legacy Hussein will leave upon the country he must have had some affection for as the nation's leader.

I don't want to talk about this guy. Too much blood and ink have been spilled in his name, and I don't intend to spend anymore time writing about him.

For JimD: I Now Own Superpup

Holy Smokes. It appears that the Superman Ultimate Collector's Set ALSO includes the long-lost (never aired) pilot for Superpup.

Read up on Superpup here.


Pointing toward the parties responsible for this atrocity

It is badly recorded, utilizes the highly recognizable sets from "The Adventures of Superman", and a lot of expensive masks. That said, the production quality is sort of like a mash of "Adventures of Superman" and "Banana Splits". You can't say there's not a lot of energy and enthusiasm, but somehow the thing never gels, mostly because the mouths of the characters only partially move, and the voices attributed the achracters are uniformly awful.

This is some high grade nightmare fuel, and worthy of a Doug-viewing. National Periodical Publications made the right decision in shelving this particular gem.

Testing new formats

Don't get too excited. I'm trying new templates out. This isn't the final look. Nor is it the final functionality.

Re: comments - I am abandoning Haloscan for the integrated comments offered by Blogger. You shouldn't have to register to leave comments, but you may need to verify by using one of them text boxes. We're trying to avoid spam.

I am not even settled on the text sitting on the left. So, you know, check in to see changes. And while your input is always welcome, I'm going to do what I'm going to do, as always. If you have a really neat idea: super. Blogger.com is free to use. Go nuts.

I'll be seeking assistance on feedburner, etc... in fairly short order.

Superman II Extra Features

As you may know, Jamie bought me the Superman Ultimate Collector's Box Set for Christmas. This evening we were more or less rained in as Austin is sunk under a deluge, so I popped in one of the bonus feature discs associated with Superman II, and man...

A: There's a disco/ urban cowboy-era documentary of the making of Superman II in which Richard Lester more or less cops to shooting TV-style with multiple cameras ( big complaint of the cast after Donner left).

B: A short documentary on the Fleischer Superman cartoons with folks like Bruce Timm.

C: I believe ALL of the Fleischer cartoons.

D: And most priceless, there's a Superman 50th anniversary special produced by Lorne Green and hosted by a deeply mulleted Dana Carvey. Writers included Robert Smigel and Bruce McCullogh. What's absolutely stunning is the amount of talent assembled for the show, including two DITMTLOD (a) a pre-fame/ pre-Miller's Crossing Marcia Gay Harden playing a high schooler and (b) Ellen Greene as the curator of the Superman Museum.

The show is a mish-mash of reality and fiction, including interviews with real-life Superman actor Kirk Alyn, interspliced with Hal Holbrook pontificating on his one-man Superman show on Broadway. Plus, Noel Neill gets screen time as Lois Lane's concerned mother.

The show isn't necessarily great, but you do see some early Robert Smigel genius as he dons a latex egg-shaped cranium to play the very real comic-based villain "Brainwave". Al Franken plays 1/2 of a super duo attempting a "Scared Straight" approach to stopping "potential thugs and world dominators". And Ralph Nader plays a consumer advocate, instructing you on the effects of various colors of Kryptonite (skipping blue, which only affects Bizarros).

And The Flash and GL make an appearance. Again, well-intentioned, but not great.


SuperLadies

Randy sent me this. I have no idea what they're advertising...

Archives

Okay, sometimes my archives creep me out.

Right now, with my recent switch to Blogger II or whatever Blogger.com/Google is calling it, my archives are completely jacked up. I can no longer link back to a specific post, just a specific day. When I do this, I can only link to the day in question. So if I have five posts that day, tough noogies. One link.

Also, my archives freak me out because:
(A) most of the time I have no recollection of writing the post, and so it sounds like someone I'd sort of agree with, but who I think needs to polish up his grammar.
(B) occasionally I stumble across something in the comments section which blows my mind (such as the time Meco chimed in on my comments).

So I randomly looked at an old post which featured images of both Randy and grimace, and compared the two in the most flattering manner possible. Looking at the comments, I came across the following.

Re: 12/30/2004

#372 is my nephew. Not trained and no acting experience. He was "discovered" working at Trader Joe's. He received all kinds of compliments by the crew and director for his natural ability when filming this comercial. Just to get it straight...no one would ever describe him as "chubby". He's a lean, fit young man and we are all very proud of him.
Teri | 03.22.05 - 12:39 am | #

Obviously Teri didn't know The League is pretty chubby, but I had no idea what she was talking about. So, of course, I had to leap back and see

In December 2004 I had made fun of a kid in a really lousy McDonald's ad. You can read my description of the ad here.

Sweet mother of crap. What else is in there?

But, man, did that post remind me of what an awful, awful commercial Teri's nephew starred in. And clearly I had wanted to forget it. How sad.

You would have thought she knew I was kidding after comparing myself to Ronald and my wife to a Fry Guy.

Comic Related Quick Bits


SFFR

I took a look at Alison Bechdel's graphic novel "Fun Home" below this post. I worked pretty hard on my "review". I thought the book was very good and tried to bring up a tiny bit about what I liked.


The Flash

I am now 4 episodes in to the 1990 series "The Flash" with John Wesley Shipp as Barry Allen. The show is a lot of fun, has some cool stuff going on, and Amanda Pays. Sure, there are some unnecessary trappings of a post-Burton-Batman, and it's sort of a Knight Rider-ish all-ages show, but I dig it.

I am digging it more than I am digging the current run of Flash, which I would drop if DC hadn't already said they're changing out creative teams ASAP. Ironically, the team which is currently writing Flash are the developers of the Flash TV show.


Rise of the Silver Surfer

Thanks to RHPT, I am now aware that the new movie trailer for "FF: Rise of the Silver Surfer" is available. I am deeply skeptical of the quality of the actual movie, but they nailed the wow factor of an otherwordly being on a flying surfboard.

Check it out in QT.


My Kung-Fu is better

I learned today, much to my surprise and chagrin, that my comic shop manager knows almost NOTHING about non-DC or Marvel comics. He had never heard of James Kolchaka, Harvey Pekar, Marjani Sartapi, or, I think, even the Dark Horse title "Concrete". It occured to me as I drove away from my shop, I do not think they carry any Will Eisner, Frank Miller or even Watchmen. He had never read Maus, and had written off "Bone" as dumb, based solely on never making it past the cover.

Apparently he and I have very different notions as to the definition of his job.


Why the World is Better With Masked Heroes

Suggestions for Further Reading: Fun Home

I am an illiterate idiot. At least, my days in college were not spent in the way college was once experienced, at least in my fanciful mind. Sure, I knew some other RTF and History majors who would stray into reading of the classics during their downtime, but when they were reading Proust or Joyce, I was flipping through X-Men, doodling in the margins of my notes, setting fire to the apartment I shared with CBG, reading non-fiction, the newspaper or magazines, and, of course, going to work. But all of those are excuses. I have the leisure time. At some point, I need to just cop to being willfully illiterate. Of course, I'm also fairly ADHD in my reading, so it's questionable that, even if I did purchase a copy of "Ulysses", I would make it past the first fifty pages.



Alison Bechdel makes me feel like an idiot or, conversely, that I've wasted my life reading the wrong things. Her graphic novel "Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic" is currently riding the end of the year "best in non-fiction" category in a few publications. This is remarkable mainly due to the fact that "Fun Home" is a graphic novel, it is autobiographical, it is personal, and it is everything many, many comics attempt to be, but utterly fail. Of course, Bechdel is very good at what she does.

I picked up "Fun Home" mostly due to a reading suggestion by an old college chum who I had once bonded with over Morrison's "Invisibles" and Jell-O shots. Amy usually had a few good ideas up her sleeve, and I figured she was wise enough not to just go off recommending books willy-nilly, not at the rate she reads. Also, I'd heard Time called it one of their books of the year. (Time does have a Comix reviewer, but I sort of quit taking him seriously a few years ago. I found his reviews too often slanted the subjective as if it were the objective, which I found a bit indefensible as much of the Time audience most likely knows very little about the medium.)

The book itself is currently available in hardback from Houghton-Mifflin (an interesting publisher for any graphic work, I thought). As per content, the story centers around the distant relationship of Bechdel and her father as Bechdel explores the awakening of her own sexual identity, the problematic issues of her father's sexuality and his untimely death.

Self-examination and auto-biography have been a staple of indie comics since Harvey Pekar drew his first stick man in a square, and with Craig Thompson's recent Eggers-like surge in popularity thanks to the Emo-Boy/coming-of-age tale "Blankets", publishers outside of small press seem to be taking notice.

Gay/Lesbian-coming-out tales are not unheard of in comic-dom, but where Bechdel separates herself from the little I've read is in her approach as she attacks the topic with more than the raw emotion of the topic. Instead, the book reads as a thesis in exploring her own story as a thematic reflection of the beloved literature which permeated her life as a child and young adult and the brief life of her father (and for which she obviously continues to hold a student's, if not a scholar's, interest). The depths of Bechdel's attempts at understanding are there on the printed page, and the sheer work which went into constructing the narrative as scholarship mode of telling the story speaks volumes.

Were Bechdel a lesser writer, the references would seem meaningless to those of us in the comic-consuming intellectual under-class. However, she chooses to illustrate (more often with words than her careful cartooning) the parallels she's selected and feels compelled to explore.

I am only familiar with Bechdel's prior work from the hilariously pointed title of her long-running strip "Dykes to Watch Out For" (a strip I'll be seeking out in collections or otherwise). In short, I'd never seen her stuff.

Bechdel's cartooning emulates the illustrations of early-readers I recall from around 1st or second grade, which utilizes clean, clear art and icongraphic symbols/features to differentiate characters rather than a realistic rendering style. At times her words overwhelm the seemingly simplistic drawings, but the juxtaposition between a child's recollection and an adult's 20/20 reflection plays well together.

Time's "Comix" reviewer is concerned with Bechdel's tendency to lean on words, hinting that he feels there's a useless repetition or disconnect between words and panels. I never felt that during the read, and even going over the examples he's cited, don't feel that he's made a particularly compelling case that Bechdel chose words over actions, given the reflective and meditative tone of the book.

Again, the comic makes me wish I'd spent less time signing up for Archery classes in college and more time in English courses. I am sure there were many items which passed me by in my first reading, but this graphic novel was a fantastic read, nonetheless.

Home Again

We are home again.

We arrived home yesterday, about 9:00. This followed a six hour drive across a little-used stretch of road between Lawton and Austin. It's not only faster, it's the scenic route. Unfortunately, we left Lawton late enough in the day that most of the drive wound up occuring in dusk and dark.

Mangum had taken good care of Lucy and Jeff, I think. Nobody is missing a paw or an ear or anything. One telling item: a few minutes after returning, I asked if anybody had seen Jeff, and both Jamie and Doug claimed to have seen him. I looked and looked and no Jeff. Then Jamie opened the door, and the cat was standing outside looking up at the door. He's an inside cat, and is not familiar with temperatures below 70 or above 80. I am sure a ceilingless, chilly world beyond the door came as quite a shock. Who knows what he thought was going on outside.

I also called Mangum, who said to me, "You don't let Lucy jump on the furniture, do you?"
"Oh, heck no," I replied.
"Yeah, I didn't know what to do. In day three, she just started jumping up on the couches and the bed."
"Ah. She is not supposed to do that."
"Yeah, I didn't think so."
"But you didn't stop her."
"I didn't want to yell at her."
And this is why Matt is not allowed to have children.

Doug didn't fly out until this evening, so today we got a little more Doug-time (which is sort of like Peanut Butter Jelly Time), and enjoyed our post-Christmas time. The weather was lovely, and we ate on the porch at Magnolia, then hit Austin Books so Doug could see the wonderment.

A visit with Doug is always good to remind you that you may THINK you have refined taste in Horrifically Bad Media, but Doug is a connosieur. He's done all the legwork for you, and is not afraid to raise your "Eragon" with a VHS copy of "Santa With Muscles" (one of IMDB's 10 worst movies...) or "Monster-A-Go-Go". He also seems to delight particularly in Christmas themed media, both good and miserable (as evidenced by "Santa with Muscles"), always having a few choice items on tap for "after the parents go to bed" viewing. We also were able to take in one of the most mind-blowing half-hours of television EVER PRODUCED with the Invader Zim Christmas episode.

Dropped Doug off at the airport, then headed home, where, half an hour later, Cousin Sue and Unky D made an appearance. I haven't really seen much of Unky D the past few years. He lives in Florida most of the time, and his scheduled Christmas trips to Houston always fall on years when Jamie and I are in Lawton. However, being back in Austin means that when he goes back to Austin to visit Cousin Sue, we DID get to see him this year.

After dinner we came home, I watched an episode of "The Flash", and now I'm winding down from the Holiday merriment. I am ready for a little winding down, but I do feel Christmas was a success this year. We had a very good time at the McB's, experienced no major issues in our travels, and will most likely be enjoying a quiet night on New Year's (as Jamie has dialysis in the morning, which means an early bedtime). Then that's it for another year.

Christmas isn't really over until you're cleaning up the mess on New Year's Day and putting up the lights for another year.

I shall choose to believe that at the heart of it, the season is an opportunity for people to attempt to put their best foot forward and that the spirit of hope at the base of it all isn't always obscured by the money-making nonsense, awful decorations and incessant carols. To those of you who feel Christmas to be a humbug, you get the next 11.5 months of man's inhumanity to man to cherish.

Gerald Ford, RIP

I have virtually nothing to say about a President whose administration I know almost nothing about, except that he pardoned Nixon.

Seriously. Not a thing. My first memories of a President center around Jimmy Carter, and that's a story for another day.

So... yeah.

So long, Gerry. If I'm sure of thing, it's that they've got football in heaven. You should be just fine.

GODFATHER OF SOUL MERGES WITH THE INFINITE

Hardest working man in show business given only 73 years to better planet with R&B perfection. Billions of Earthlings now left to own, less-funky, devices.

Thank you, Mr. Brown. R.I.P. Let us not dwell on the negative, but remember how you changed music, America and (on the whole) left the world a better place.

May God welcome you with a cape, a heavenly beat and an eternity of getting funky.





Please read more here.

Christmas Day!


You have your Christmas wish, I'll have mine...

Hope your Christmas is going well.

We've opened presents, enjoyed some delicious roll wreath (ask Jamie for the recipe sometime... it will do nothing but improve your Christmas while expanding your waistline), had some coffee, cleaned up and are now basking in the post-Christmas Morning glow.

Jamie received some music books from Doug and has commandeered the McB family piano (I'm excited by the prospect of Jamie learning the theme to "The Magnificent Seven").
Judy and Doug are playing some billiards and Dick is engrossed in a New York Times Front Page book. It's tough to explain. (The New York Time's Page One 1851-2004)

I've already cashed in Jason's gift (a wisely purchased gift certificate) and expect my copy of "Enemy Ace Archives" first week of January. Jamie got me a copy of Spirit Archives Vol. 1, which I am very excited to have to absorb over the next few weeks. Doug landed me the entire run of "The Flash" on DVD (with Amanda Pays, truly a DITMTLOD). My loot also included two books I'll be getting into, and a set of Superman Uno cards (which I believe feature Jose Luis Garcia Lopez art).

Jeff the Cat even received a gift in absentia... a sort of self-heating cat blanket. We will never get him to move, ever, ever again.

Mel and the McB cats (Sam and Pippin) seem to be getting along swimmingly, less a short vaccuum/cat barking incident. Mel's gift was a swell bed which he's been using since his arrival.

Oh, we saw "Charlotte's Web" last night. Excellent movie for adults and kids, btw (Randy, take your nieces, etc...). I should have guessed the line-up of voices they recruited for the film should have indicated the script wasn't going to be a hacky, X-TREME "Charlotte's Web", but I was continually impressed with the filmmakers for remaining true to the material. Even if, subtextually, I worry for Steve Buscemi's self-esteem, what with his continual casting as miscreants.

That's all for this Christmas Day, 2006.

It's our sincere hope that your Christmas is a good one. Travel safe. Be good to one another.

We hope that you'll join us as all hands at The League of Melbotis wish for Peace on Earth and Goodwill towards all.

God bless us, every one.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, LEAGUERS

Arrived!

We are in Lawton.

My parents called me two days ago and were pleading with me not to venture forth on Friday for our Holiday travels. They were under the impression that the weather in Colodaro would hit us.
"It's going to be horrible! The rain! The sleet! The ice!"
"The forecast says 50+ degrees and sunny."
"NO! It shall be horrid! You cannot travel!"
"But... we're looking at weather.com right now. It says 50+ degrees and sunny."
"The Houston weatherman says it's going to be awful. You can't drive!"

Anyway, it was a lovely, sunny, literally cloudless drive, averaging 55 degrees.

Doug flew in Wednesday night. Thursday we zipped about Austin taking care of some last minute purchases. Thursday night we met up with Jason at Macaroni Grill for a lovely dinner. Friday we rose, tossed our stuff in the car (including Melbotis) and drove to Lawton.

Matt "No, I Will Not Read Your Blog" Mangum is house/ pet-sitting at League HQ. So Lucy will have some company on Christmas/ her birthday. Lucy will be two on December 24th. I can scarce believe it.

We're very grateful to Matt and we left him a little something under the tree.

I'm now deeply embedded in the McBride Family Christmas. There's billiards, watching of local news and keeping a watchful eye on the cats as they keep an eye on Mel (who is mostly sleeping).

Jamie has already opened her present, so no surprises there, I guess. I feel a little bad. There's just not going to be all that much from me when she goes to open her packages.

This morning she's at dialysis, so this afternoon will be sleepy time for Jamie.

I, myself, was exhausted for some reason last night. I slept like a log for almost ten hours. Today, however, I feel back up to snuff. And, dare I say? Christmassy? JimD would be so disappointed, declaring the whole thing a humbug.

Hope everyone's Holiday is going well.

Eragon: the Best Bad Movie of 2006

Wow.
Simply, Wow.

As folks who've followed League of Melbotis for any amount of time might know, I tend to skew towards genre in my movies. I'm usually up for action, monkeys, robots and space ships. And I can often be tempted to see a movie simply because it features a dinosaur or the promise of some web-slinging.

One of the things even long-time followers of this blog might not know is that it has always been a trade-mark of The Brothers Steans to wind up at the grisliest of mistakes coming out of Hollywood. I think our poor movie selection speaks to two things: (a) our eternal optimisim that we might stumble into something of interest, and (b) when together, we'd rather share the misery than try to drag someone else into a mistake we figure we're going to make, anyway.

So Jason is working from home/on vacation this week from putting people in the slammer, and I'm unemployed. So mid-day, after we'd gone to a pet store and played with a little pig (I now totally want a pig), we headed to the Regal Cinema at WestGate to see the new fantasy feature, Eragon.

I don't know much about the Eragon books. I think they're some sort of 15th generation fantasy novels based in a Tolkein-light universe. I'd also heard that the author was in his mid-teens when he wrote the first novel.

"I suffer without my stone. Do not prolong my suffering!"

Eragon is, essentially, the tale of a young farmer who lucks into a dragon egg/ R2-unit. There's an evil king, a former dragon rider, a total fox of a princess, and absolutely no new ideas.

At it's heart, Eragon is the sign to anyone over 20 that they are no longer of the younger generation. As Lucas cannibalized the films of his youth, so Eragon literally cannibalizes whole scenes from Star Wars: A New Hope and the Lord of the Rings trilogy, offering nothing new in return.

Literally, we are given analogs of Luke, Han, Leia, Obi Wan, Vader and either Grand Moff Tarkin or the Emperor, depending on how you want to read it. There's a sort of Death Star to invade, storm troopers/ orcs to fight, and a battle for Yavin IV. There's even a recreation of the scenes in which Luke realizes Uncle Own and Aunt Beru might be in trouble, right down to Luke leaving the now destroyed farm. (Although Storm Troopers aren't responsible. This time it's LOTR's Dark Riders. No, seriously. Only they have Wolverine's claws AND his off-screen trampoline to leap from. This flick has no shame in it's desire to lift from successful franchise movies).

Things to know about this movie:

1) It is a foregone conclusion that this is the first of a series of movies. There are multiple books, I hear. So it plays a bit like a Saturday matinee serial with multiple dangling threads and an arch-villain who isn't even really inconvenienced in any way by the actions of the film.

2) I cannot think of a single reason this was not a Sci-Fi Channel original movie.

Thirty minutes into the movie, Jamie started inserting lines from Star Wars between the lines of dialogue. Soon we were all jumping in on the gag, no doubt really upsetting the wide-eyed 'tween-age fantasy fans who were there for the showing with their moms.

Jeremy Irons plays the Obi-Wan analog, and throughout the movie I continually pondered how he must have said the wrong thing to the wrong person in Hollywood, or else Dead Ringers really caved his career a lot more than I thought... but it's so sad to see a perfectly good actor slumming with dialogue which, for a reason, feels as if it were written by a fifteen year old. John Malkovich plays The Emperor/ Tarkin, and, unlike Irons, you have to sort of admire his business decision. Malkovich never leaves the staircase of what is clearly a minimally dressed soundstage. He has about six lines in the whole film (one of which sent me into a giggling fit, thus I've listed above). It's the Brando-Superman business decision that, no doubt, got him the Italian marble tub Malkovich had always dreamed of owning, and surely his piece took no more than about an hour to shoot.

Still, he gets top billing and his face on the poster. Well done, Malkovich.

The titular character of Eragon is, as Jason said, "man pretty." He looks sort of like a cross-eyed version of the dude from Blue Lagoon, or a less goofy version of Peter McNichol's character from DragonSlayer (a dragon movie in which dragons were f-ing AWESOME, I might add).

As per the action of the movie, I don't know what this means, exactly, but I leaned over to Jamie about 45 minutes into the movie and said "Is it just me, or are things 'just happening'?" She agreed immediately with a roll of the eyes.

I think what I meant was this: Not only does every single character in the film seem to lack a motivation of any sort, but motivations they SHOULD have seem cast aside so the paces of Star Wars can play out in full. Most odd is that it feels as if huge portions of the movie were scrapped at some point... characters meet and instantly refer to each other's recent history without any possible discussion time shown, nor even hinted at. There were odd bits like Obi-Wan telling Luke "Look, you're a Dragon Rider. This means you must join the resistance you've never heard of." "Quite right!" Luke replies. "That will really advance our paper-thin plot! People will completely expect that beat since the narrator talked about those guys in the prologue! But they WILL be surprised when I run off mid-movie, hollering about a vision (this movie's "You're our only hope..." hologram), so that we can have our "infiltrating the Death Star" sequence, complete with a slain Obi-Wan (who has the fastest horse. Ever.)."

Another sequence in which time and reason sort of collapses centers around the dragon, who magically grows from a puppy-like rat-catcher weighing about fifty pounds to a 2-ton flying behemoth in a magical burst of... I guess Super Dragon Puberty. She suddenly has a name, vast knowledge of the world, dragon history, biology and a pretty good bead on our cross-eyed hero. I kept waiting to find out that dragons reincarnate into other dragons to explain all of this... but, no...

Oh, and before I forget... look, Rachel Weisz is foxy. But she doesn't have a particularly memorable voice. Perhaps because she is also a mid-level actress who is happy to take fantasy roles, somebody offered her the part of the dragon's telepathic voice. I kept thinking back to the "sending" from Elfquest comics I read in fourth grade, but mostly it just felt really awkward as the dragon would sort of blurt out master-of-the-obvious dialogue.

The Dragon is also fairly meek and mild for a 2-ton killing machine. I don't really understand why they went this route (ie: making Valcor look like a raging bad-ass compared to Eragon's dragon), but it certainly doesn't lend much to the film. There are also logistical problems, such as the dragon complaining about carrying 300 pounds of extra weight in one scene, and then suiting up in 800 pounds of steel armor about 3 scenes later.

Other oddities in the film included a few "non-surprises" which, I guess, were supposed to be a surprise. Obi-Wan is revealed to be a former Dragon-Rider a full hour into the movie. This is after training our young Jedi, telling tales of the Knights of the Republic (aka: Dragon Riders) and doing everything but using sky-writing to inform him of his background. As an audience member, we know EXACTLY what Obi-Wan is in the first 8 frames in which he appears, so, unfortunately, the only effect this has is to make Eragon appear exceedingly dim.

When Princess Leia (oh, yes, she's a princess) finally joins the action, she manages to know a heck of a lot about our hero, or at least is exceedingly comfortable with him. And then she goes through a bit of Frodo's Dark Rider poisoning problem.

And this is just an oddity, but the guy who plays Luke is something like 19, so probably 18 when they filmed the movie. Princess Leia just looks too old for him, if they are going to lead to a romantic interest. So, I looked her up, and sure enough, she's 31. There's some really bad dialogue about Luke's missing mom, so I hope to GOD that this princess is not supposed to be his mom. Because right now that'd be skewing pretty far into the red zone on the Oedipal scale.

I don't have any real reason to think that the girl is supposed to be his mom other than that they went way out of their way to make sure the two never touch and mostly just smile at each other. But I also thought Famke Janssen looked ten years older than James Marsden in X-Men. And, lo and behold, she was. That doesn't mean that Princess Leia can't just be an urban cougar, but the whole thing was just so chaste... And she really, really doesn't look old enough to be his mom, either.

I'm sort of spent. The list of bad goes on an on. The scenery-chewing by the guys playing villains is, at times, priceless. The list of "name" actors who are in the film is a bit surprising, leading me to think that this film's budget was greater than it should have been 9or spent in the wrong places). The villainous army looks like a rejected LOTR concept, completely emulating the Uruk-Hai, but without the make-up budget. D&D/ LOTR fantasy folk such as dwarves and elves are mentioned, but never seen. A lame "chosen one" plot thread is used to bypass any actual training period (one sure fire way of determining this was a 15-year old's fantasy in our world of immediate gratification for kids...)

And, last, but not least... during the Attack on Yavin IV/ Battle at Helmsdeep conclusion to the movie, our heroes have somehow, idiotically, pinned themselves and the entire resistance into an unescapable valley. Then the invading army enters the fray through a single entry point. This would be the exact opposite of laying siege to a castle. This would pretty much allow the dudes you were attacking to just shoot every one of your soldiers as they walked in the door.

So what's good?

There are two very good looking actresses in the film, but one only appears in two scenes. And the other spends a good deal of the movie trussed up in the Detention Block being poked at by the floating sphere robot.

The dragon CG is not too bad. Unfortunately, the dragon does a lot of posing and posturing, and doing seemingly odd things that would scare people, but which make for a well composed shot. (beating wings, roaring, etc...)

And...

I'm sort of at a loss. Even the cinematography was about sci-fi channel original level.

And for some reason Joss Stone is in the movie for, like, 30 seconds.

Eragon could make for a great drinking game, I think. Watch, insert Star Wars dialogue to appropriate scene, or name analog scene or character... rewarded with a drink.

To me, the oddest thing about the movie is that it appears to be aimed at the folks who would like Star Wars and LOTR. But, as I mentioned above, you'd have to be under the age of twelve or an idiot not to note how they've completely lifted every element of this movie from some pretty popular sources. Eventually those kids WILL see LOTR or Star Wars. So any shelf-life this movie might have had to launch a series is going to be relatively short-lived.

The movie genuinely FEELS like maybe it was written by a fairly mature kid. There's no patience for pacing, only jumping to the next set-up. Characters seem only partially evolved and obvious. Character names seem like copies of Tolkeinish names. Elvish words (used for jedi-tricks) seem EXTREMELY Tolkeinish. There is world building going on, but it's a reproduction of a reproduction of a reproduction. One day this kid might come up with a really fresh concept to match his motivation and passion, but for now... it's like getting the grocery-store knock-off of the action figure you really wanted (aka: Spader-Man).


Anyway, Eragon. You are amazing.

I missed Jim D's birthday. I am sorry.

Jim D is now 487. Or less. I forget. JimD does not celebrate his brithday. Nor get excited about Christmas. Or shuttle launches.

Also, Happy Hannukah to all Loyal Leaguers.

RANDY: FREE FROM THE PHANTOM ZONE AND LOVIN' LIFE




Merry Christmas, RHPT

New Blogs, Short Christmas and the Phantom Zone

In the past week, two blogs, new to our eyes, have crossed the desk of League of Melbotis.

Jill HW is blogging at the recently founded Potato Leek Soup. Sure, the name is going to draw all kinds of hits from misdirected cooking fans, but I think it's got a certain zing to it.

Jill was in my creative writing class in 12th grade and English class in 11th grade. I can't vouch for her writing since the early 90's (except for a lot of e-mails), but Jilly has a PhD, which you don't get by dangling your participles, Leaguers.

All this reminds me: The League may one day sponsor a contest in which we will grant $500 to someone who can correctly diagram every sentence in a lengthy LoM post. But in order to do this, we will also need an English PhD to verify the findings. I literally failed the "diagraming sentences" unit in 7th grade Language Arts.

So, welcome to the cut-throat world of blogging, JHW. Your prose are always welcome.


Blog #2 comes from a source I was surprised I had not heard from before: one Laurenn R., of the rolling hills of West-Central Austin. She's doing great work over at Ab Absurdo, and has been for quite a while.

Well, the secret's out and I'm sharing the pages of Ab Absurdo with you. Go check 'em out.

My advice to these two bloggers as someone who's been at this a while:
Don't ever mention the words "nude" and "Supergirl" on your blog, because the combination draws all kinds of unwanted traffic.


The KareBear is here. We've had a lovely day. I finally bought Cousin Sue a Christmas present and a sort of lame birthday present. I almost bought her a whoop-ass candle, but I couldn't see her using it. I shall buy it for Jason for his birthday instead. Or at least show it to him sometime.

We had dinner with KareBear, Jason and Mandy at Maudie's on Brodie. The fajitas were much, much better than those at Casa G's.

Then we opened Christmas presents for Short Christmas, and Mom really outdid herself this year. Well done, KareBear.


RHPT in the Phantom Zone

And finally, on Randy: Once trusted by this Council, charged with maintaining the defenses of the planet Krypton itself -the chief architect of this intended revolution, the author of this insidious plot to establish a new order among us - with himself as absolute ruler.

That's why we totally condemned him to the Phantom Zone.


RHPT isolated in the Phantom Zone, an eternal living death

In a fit of Short Christmas cheer, I am conceding to the wishes of the highly suspicious results of this month's poll. Tomorrow I shall release RHPT from the Phantom Zone. Sure, he's a treasonous criminal, but he's OUR treasonous criminal.

Have a good Christmas free from the PZ, Randy. I'll set you free as time permits.

It is December and it's hot out. No, seriously. It was 80 degrees here today, and kind of muggy. I want for one of these monkeys who keeps telling me there's no such thing as global warming to come and sit in my front yard, wear a parka all day and then get back to me on that opinion.

You'd think after 4 years in the desert I'd be pretty used to warm Decembers, but I'm not. It probably wouldn't be as bad, but it WAS cold. We were running the heat and wearing sweaters a week and a half ago. Now we're wearing shorts and I'm watering the lawn for good measure. It's tough to sing "White Christmas" when you're opening the windows, enjoying the first gusts of Spring.

I'm sort of busy in a general way. The Karebear is headed into town tomorrow (no Admiral, as far as I know), and will be having Short Christmas with us. This is the KareBear's new thing. Last year, we were unable to travel, and so KareBear and The Admiral came out for a weekend prior to Christmas (they had guests coming, and they couldn't tell them not to come). This year, KareBear's coming in, guns blazing, for something like 18 hours of Christmas, then she's back to Houston.

I bet she totally got me a Speak'n'Spell.

Anyhow, I'm looking forward to the brief festivities. Then, Wednesday, Douglas flies in. We're hanging here for a short time after that, and then headed for Lawton, Oklahoma for the actual Yuletide.

Lawton IS America. It's a military town, and I have as of yet to meet a single jerk in that 'berg. It's too big to be small town, but too small town to be a city. Lawton is also kind of fun at Christmas as we go wandering through Jamie's childhood memories, stare gape-mouthed at The Boulevard of Lights, taunt buffaloes at the reserve and check out what the fill-in crew on Lawton's local network affiliate does when their usual anchors are on vacation. I assure you, it's pretty awesome.

I have not yet figured out what to get Cousin Sue for Christmas/ Birthday. Susan's birthday falls on Christmas Eve, and so, while I always remember her birthday, she definitely gets shortchanged on the gift thing by EVERYONE. This year, Susan turns 29 again, so it's a big birthday for her. Anyway, Susan is the only remaining family member on my list (provided Jamie took care of her side of the list), so hopefully KareBear will come with a bushel of ideas for Cousin Sue. Honestly, I think I'd have a better idea of what to get her Corgi, Pierre.

Not much to report out for the weekend.

Hope you had a good one. I'll be posting for the foreseeable future and will alert Loyal Leaguers to any likely multi-day hiatus.

New Feature: I Totally Hate Unicorns


It may be tough to imagine disliking something which doesn't exist. This time of year, sure, you get your Scrooges declaring Christmas a humbug. But you rarely hear them say: "Gee, I hate Santa". Or, "that Rudolph is a total phony."

People generally leave well enough alone when discussing fictional creatures, whether you're talking Elves, Trolls, Pixies, Cyclops, Eskimos or Vampires. It's, indeed, a rarity to hear someone say "Those mermaids really chap my hide."

But, circa 1997, I bore witness to my first open assault on unicorns. I was taking a screenwriting class I was throughly enjoying, and had allied myself with a certain, outspoken fellow. JimD was someone I'd become friendly with during the time-leaching "Intro to Screenwriting" class. We'd become pals when he said "Yeah, I used to read lots of comics." Now, he was one of the few sane people in my class, and we were both equally enthusiastic about the opportunity the course presented.

During this class (the one post-Intro), one of our fellow student screenwriters had written a script I shall describe as "Cloak & Dagger" meets "War Games".

The format of the class was somewhat brutal, especially for fragile creative types. Each week, you put the ten pages you were required to write into a box for your classmates to read. They would give you written feedback. Then, once every few course sessions, you'd have to sit while the other students put your pages up on the overhead and asked you questions (ie: trashed your script). It was a great exercise in separating your ego from your work, lest you break down and cry. Indeed, you either embraced the process or went into meltdown.

During the "Cloak & Dagger" guy's evaluation, it came to light that a key element of the screenplay was a unicorn-shaped necklace given by one lead character to another. The unicorn necklace came into serious play during the climactic scenes of the script.

After some mulling, JimD raised his hand and said something along the lines of "It can't be a unicorn."
"Why?" we all asked.
"Unicorns are lame," he said, with the authority of one who knows his unicorns.
"What?" the hapless screenwriter was now (wisely) taking a defensive posture.
"Dude, nobody likes unicorns."
"I think it's okay."
"No, nobody likes unicorns."
"I don't see anything wrong with it."
"Dude," JimD turned to the class for help. "Does anybody here really like unicorns?"

I sat and thought about it as the exchange went on for longer than expected, realizing that, at age 22, I had really not given the matter of unicorns the appropriate consideration.


An irritating pair of unicorns.

I recalled thinking unicorns were pretty cool when I was in second grade, having had what had to have been a pretty goofy folder that featured a unicorn (a unicorn which bore pegasus-style wings, no less) flying across a cosmic star scape. Later, at the Texas Renaissance festival circa 1983, I had seen a sheep with a horn glued to his head and touted as a unicorn (apparently the horses were glue resistant). The "Dungeons & Dragons" cartoon, which I adored, featured a unicorn (named "Uni", no less) and I'd never thought too much about that. I played a lot of Dungeons & Dragons as a kid, and so I think I was pre-disposed to giving the fauna of faerie-land a bit of a pass.

But I had to ask myself: Did I like unicorns?

There had been a unicorn incident. In first or second grade, my folks had dropped me off to see "The Last Unicorn". I have no recollection of the movie, other than that it must have been a fairly bleak story. I was unable to sleep the night after I saw it, feverish, and, as I recall, a little irritated with the titular Last Unicorn for some reason. I have never seen the movie since.

"Nobody likes unicorns!" JimD was still insisting.
I looked at my watch. The conversation had been going on more than five minutes. People were becoming a bit uncomfortable, I believe, at JimD's anti-unicorn belligerence, paired with the scree-writer's pro-unicorn stance. It was a stalemate, and neither side would blink.
"Who else," JimD confronted the small class, "likes unicorns?"

What the hell was a unicorn, anyway? I mean, I remember hearing that in medieval times people thought unicorns gored folks with their horns. That was sort of cool. But those people also thought elves lived in the woods and that taking a bath was evil. So their unicorn knowledge was probably shaky at best.


this unicorn is really annoying

Now, unicorns mostly festooned air-brushed t-shirts you could buy at the fair, pranced around in flower-littered glens and showed no signs of goring people with their horn. They're total snobs, hanging out only with maidens, pegasi and each other. They contribute nothing, unless they "majestically" ran along a rainbow, pooping cheer on all who dares to look up.

"I'm not sure it's that big of a deal-" I started.
"No way!" Jim D cut in. "Are you saying you like unicorns?"

Like the Tri-Star horse jumping over the T in Tri-Star (but clocking some poor grip on the head with his hoof), it hit me.

Unicorns are stupid.


a typical, stupid unicorn. How I hate them.

I had no idea why, but JimD was right. Sure, this made JimD more than a little like the Darkness guy from Ridley Scott's "Legend", but I was no Tom Cruise, or even one of the chubby dwarf guys. I was the little green troll dude, totally ready to take down some unicorns if it meant eternal winter and that the annoying girl became a rad goth grrl.

"Yeah, okay," I admitted, "Unicorns are kind of lame. But if that's what he wants..."
"See!" JimD turned to the screenwriter, triumphant.

The guy kept the unicorn necklace in the script, where it remains, unproduced, to this day. I do not know how much JimD actually KNOWS about unicorns. I assume it is a lot. In the years that have since passed, to my knowledge, we have spoken of the matter only twice.

I also hate Rachael Ray. She makes food that any idiot with a box of Triscuits and a can of Cheeze-Whiz can make, all while rambling like a clock-watching dental hygenist ready for her big weekend at the lake. Further, Rachael Ray has usurped the rightful place of Giada De Laurentiis as the queen of Food Network, which is unjust, as Giada De Laurentiis is obviously a total fox.


a total fox

All that said, Rachael Ray and I agree on more than the fact that, honestly, if you can't just make it with Triscuits and Cheeze-Whiz, you might as well hire caterers.

Rachael Ray also hates unicorns. I'm totally lifting this from someone else:

"I would smile all day long, every day, if it guaranteed a unicorn getting punched in the face. I find them really annoying." - Rachael Ray, responding to queries posed in Entertainment Weekly's "Stupid Questions" column, (10-20-06).

Thanks, Rachael Ray.

Here, also is an example of a GOOD use of unicorns.


link: courtesy Doug

With these unicorns, hopefully, the democracy-loving unicorn will defeat the evil socialist unicorn. Then, we can kill and eat the freedom-championing unicorn, savoring his patriotically succulent juices while picking any stray commie-bits from our teeth with his red, white and blue horn.

Here is a link, courtesy of SG Harms, regarding the wearing of unicorn shirts.

So I don't like unicorns. I think they're dumb. I'm much more about hippogryphs, and wyvern.

So League of Melbotis has a new mission: We're going to expose unicorns for the frauds they truly are.

If you have any good unicorn stories, pictures, etc... please send them on.

We're making the world a better place, one less unicorn at a time.

Unless it's this unicorn, who is totally awesome.