Those @#$%ers Stopped Making Pennies

Today I had to tell my co-workers, who did not see the news on social media, that the United States has discontinued the penny.*

Look, the world has a lot of problems, and apparently it costs $0.04 to make a penny, which is why they stopped, but..  dang, man.  It feels like we should have been consulted.

The penny is a huge part of culture here in the United States.  Now what the @#$% am I supposed to pick up and all the day have good luck?  Riddle me THAT, US Mint.  

What will the name now mean when we meet a Penny?  We might as well call women "Doubloon".   

What giant coin will Batman have in the Batcave?  A NICKEL?  Like a common nickel hoarder?   

Are we supposed to read the Dime Saver?  Offer a quarter for your thoughts?  At gas station cash registers, are we to give a Sacagawea dollar, take a Sacagawea dollar?   

This is bullshit.  I would have been happier had they said "no more dimes and nickels.  A penny is now a dime.  Everyone round up."  

*Thanks, Nathan!