Thanks, Science!
Turns out owning a hybrid car could cause you some additional giref if you're in a car wreck.
ZAP!!!!
I am very excited about the upcoming models of hybrid car. I love the Forester, but with it's tiny tank and my weekly mileage, if I don't fill up every Monday, it can spell trouble.
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Monday, May 03, 2004
Can Jim D. and Randy meet the challenge set before them?
Loyal Leaguers may recall that a month or so ago I challenged Jim and Randy to:
1) see Garfield: The Movie in the theater
2) write a full review of the movie for use on both of their sites and The League
The League is willing to fully fund the price of 1 ticket, a large popcorn and a soda of their choice for each participant. Girlfriends, kindly grandmothers, and random children chosen off the street must pay their own way. The League is not a charity.
So will they accept the challenge, or be all cowardly and stuff...? June 11th, we'll know for sure.
Loyal Leaguers may recall that a month or so ago I challenged Jim and Randy to:
1) see Garfield: The Movie in the theater
2) write a full review of the movie for use on both of their sites and The League
The League is willing to fully fund the price of 1 ticket, a large popcorn and a soda of their choice for each participant. Girlfriends, kindly grandmothers, and random children chosen off the street must pay their own way. The League is not a charity.
So will they accept the challenge, or be all cowardly and stuff...? June 11th, we'll know for sure.
Ahhhhh... Hippie Hollow... my earliest memories of living in Austin (around age 10) include a conversation with a girl telling me how she drifted past Hippie Hollow in her family boat, and how a dude was hanging out naked on the rocks.
"It's a nude beach," she said.
"And he was naked."
"Yes. it was so gross."
"And you knew it was a nude beach."
"Yeah, it's Hippie Hollow."
"Why in God's name did your parents go by Hippie Hollow so slowly if they knew it was a nude beach?"
"Those people are freaks."
"That apparently your family likes to take long, lingering glances at."
"No way. We were just drifting by."
"Uh-huh."
"We were!"
"Slow enough to look at the nude people."
"You're a freak."
"I see."
"It's a nude beach," she said.
"And he was naked."
"Yes. it was so gross."
"And you knew it was a nude beach."
"Yeah, it's Hippie Hollow."
"Why in God's name did your parents go by Hippie Hollow so slowly if they knew it was a nude beach?"
"Those people are freaks."
"That apparently your family likes to take long, lingering glances at."
"No way. We were just drifting by."
"Uh-huh."
"We were!"
"Slow enough to look at the nude people."
"You're a freak."
"I see."
Being married to me, my beautiful wife, Jamie, has to suffer through a lot. She's grown accustomed to a lot of the capes and superhero nonsense, and she's even embraced small bits of it (but I still can't get her to pick out a comic on her own if she ever winds up at the comic shop with me). Lately, the thing has been my school work for my grad class which has decimated the past several weekends as I slog through a project which I am not particularly fond of.
Gold star to her for putting up with me while she has to do all the real work around the house.
On another front, she was delighted to see pictures of Christian Bale in his batsuit. Apparently, the former Newsies star is the sort of dude Jamie likes to see in a pointy-eared cowl. So we both get something out of the new Batman movie, I guess.
I joined a gym this weekend. God help me. I need to go tonight or I am never going to make this work.
My friend Jeff Peek is having trouble with the US Immigration department. Jeff is marrying a lovely girl name of Adriana from Guadalajara. Apparently, the immigration services jacked up some paperwork, and now she may not be able to go to Mexico for the wedding without risking her immigration status. Sounds pretty awful from what he said, and being that Jeff is one of my oldest pals, I am really down hearing about it. They'll still get married, but the actual wedding and all that they have already put money down for is in serious jeopardy. Due to numerous factors, i was not going to the wedding in Mexico. Ugh. Poor guy.
And on a very different note... one of the biggest personal scandals to hit comics since Dave Sim declared women to be the root of all evil, anti-war activist/ comic artist Micah Wright was found out to NOT be an Army Ranger as he'd frequently asserted. Wright had published one book and was due to publish another book of retooled porpaganda posters driving toward anti-war sentiment. For years, he had always used the bulletproof defense that he was a former Army Ranger who had turned anti-war during the invasion of Panama. That is, until his lack of Ranger training, etc... was uncovered by the Washington Post.
Still, Wright asserts it was a "joke" and a "hoax", instead of admitting he's a big old liar.
Scandals liek this don't hit comics very often, but when they do... well, let's just say Wright isn't going to be working in comics again. He managed to embarass not just himself, but his publishers, editors and everyone else who ever believed him.
Gold star to her for putting up with me while she has to do all the real work around the house.
On another front, she was delighted to see pictures of Christian Bale in his batsuit. Apparently, the former Newsies star is the sort of dude Jamie likes to see in a pointy-eared cowl. So we both get something out of the new Batman movie, I guess.
I joined a gym this weekend. God help me. I need to go tonight or I am never going to make this work.
My friend Jeff Peek is having trouble with the US Immigration department. Jeff is marrying a lovely girl name of Adriana from Guadalajara. Apparently, the immigration services jacked up some paperwork, and now she may not be able to go to Mexico for the wedding without risking her immigration status. Sounds pretty awful from what he said, and being that Jeff is one of my oldest pals, I am really down hearing about it. They'll still get married, but the actual wedding and all that they have already put money down for is in serious jeopardy. Due to numerous factors, i was not going to the wedding in Mexico. Ugh. Poor guy.
And on a very different note... one of the biggest personal scandals to hit comics since Dave Sim declared women to be the root of all evil, anti-war activist/ comic artist Micah Wright was found out to NOT be an Army Ranger as he'd frequently asserted. Wright had published one book and was due to publish another book of retooled porpaganda posters driving toward anti-war sentiment. For years, he had always used the bulletproof defense that he was a former Army Ranger who had turned anti-war during the invasion of Panama. That is, until his lack of Ranger training, etc... was uncovered by the Washington Post.
Still, Wright asserts it was a "joke" and a "hoax", instead of admitting he's a big old liar.
Scandals liek this don't hit comics very often, but when they do... well, let's just say Wright isn't going to be working in comics again. He managed to embarass not just himself, but his publishers, editors and everyone else who ever believed him.
Reviews of movies I watched this weekend (God bless you, little DVR!).
20 Millions Miles to Earth
Ever since I was a little kid and had a book called "Movie Monsters!", I'd wanted to see this flick. It sounded really, really cool what with space ships and monsters. I'm always one for the vintage sci-fi and stuff.
But, as Randy lamented, the things we dug as kids don't always pan out to be as great as we thought they were.
It's the 50's, and our brave astronauts crash in the ocean outside Sicily while returning from Venus. The craft is absolutely enormous and very cool, until it disappears in the sea. A weird cowboy/ Italian kid who looks exactly liek Steve-o from MTV's Wildboyz discovers a big tube filled with some sort of egg in it. The cowboy/Italian/Steve-o sells the egg to a local doctor for the price of a Texas Cowboy hat.
Meanwhile, our alarmingly lantern jawed astronaut/ hero puts down his female doctor which makes her fall in love with him. (Note to self: always treat women like 2nd class citizens, and they will adore you) The female doctor is the neice or something of the doctor who got the egg. The egg hatches and out pops a monster from Venus.
Side note: everyone on board the rocket but the lantern jawed astronaut died of a mysterious venutian virus. THis is never mentioned again despite the fact a huge, venutian monster is running around the countryside contaminating god knows what.
Overnight the monster grows at an exponential rate (despite not being fed or watered or anything). The astronaut and the US space agency realize the egg is missing and go try to find it. Apparently the astronauts saw a lot of the things on the surface of Venus and learned only one thing: THe monsters can be harmed by electricity.
Wow.
I guess we're to understand they flew all the way to Venus to figure out how to torture the native life.
And here's the important thing: the astronaut hero guy says that the monsters are only aggressive if provoked. And then the astronaut proceeds to poke the monster with a stick. Seriously. he finds a 20 foot pole and begins poking at the damn thing.
The monster retaliates by killing an Italian farmer. This leads them to believe the monster is dangerous, so they capture it, only to let it grow REALLY large. So, of course, the monster escapes. It runs into an elephant (they're keeping him at the zoo), has a pretty convincing fight with the elephant.
Knowing the monster is only aggressive if provoked, the military attacks it with bazookas, causing all kinds of havoc in the streets of Rome. Eventually, the thing falls off the Roman Collosseum and dies. The end
Proving that people are dumb as rocks, this movie asserts that, despite the fact the monster was our responsibility, we should kill it for, you know, trying to get out and about. Yet, this movie is still a bit of a sci-fi classic. Ray Harryhausen provided the special FX, and they're really, really good. But the questions one could raise about the game plan for containing this beast... anyway, the movie is pretty much the third act of King Kong stretched out to two hours.
I also saw Bridge on the River Kwai, which was infinitely better.
20 Millions Miles to Earth
Ever since I was a little kid and had a book called "Movie Monsters!", I'd wanted to see this flick. It sounded really, really cool what with space ships and monsters. I'm always one for the vintage sci-fi and stuff.
But, as Randy lamented, the things we dug as kids don't always pan out to be as great as we thought they were.
It's the 50's, and our brave astronauts crash in the ocean outside Sicily while returning from Venus. The craft is absolutely enormous and very cool, until it disappears in the sea. A weird cowboy/ Italian kid who looks exactly liek Steve-o from MTV's Wildboyz discovers a big tube filled with some sort of egg in it. The cowboy/Italian/Steve-o sells the egg to a local doctor for the price of a Texas Cowboy hat.
Meanwhile, our alarmingly lantern jawed astronaut/ hero puts down his female doctor which makes her fall in love with him. (Note to self: always treat women like 2nd class citizens, and they will adore you) The female doctor is the neice or something of the doctor who got the egg. The egg hatches and out pops a monster from Venus.
Side note: everyone on board the rocket but the lantern jawed astronaut died of a mysterious venutian virus. THis is never mentioned again despite the fact a huge, venutian monster is running around the countryside contaminating god knows what.
Overnight the monster grows at an exponential rate (despite not being fed or watered or anything). The astronaut and the US space agency realize the egg is missing and go try to find it. Apparently the astronauts saw a lot of the things on the surface of Venus and learned only one thing: THe monsters can be harmed by electricity.
Wow.
I guess we're to understand they flew all the way to Venus to figure out how to torture the native life.
And here's the important thing: the astronaut hero guy says that the monsters are only aggressive if provoked. And then the astronaut proceeds to poke the monster with a stick. Seriously. he finds a 20 foot pole and begins poking at the damn thing.
The monster retaliates by killing an Italian farmer. This leads them to believe the monster is dangerous, so they capture it, only to let it grow REALLY large. So, of course, the monster escapes. It runs into an elephant (they're keeping him at the zoo), has a pretty convincing fight with the elephant.
Knowing the monster is only aggressive if provoked, the military attacks it with bazookas, causing all kinds of havoc in the streets of Rome. Eventually, the thing falls off the Roman Collosseum and dies. The end
Proving that people are dumb as rocks, this movie asserts that, despite the fact the monster was our responsibility, we should kill it for, you know, trying to get out and about. Yet, this movie is still a bit of a sci-fi classic. Ray Harryhausen provided the special FX, and they're really, really good. But the questions one could raise about the game plan for containing this beast... anyway, the movie is pretty much the third act of King Kong stretched out to two hours.
I also saw Bridge on the River Kwai, which was infinitely better.
Saturday, May 01, 2004
Teen Movies. There are a heck of a lot of them out these days, aren't there? And just when I thought "Not Another Teen Movie" heralded the end of the latest spate of them, I was very, very wrong.
As long as there are teenagers who believe media targeted at them is shiny and brand new and wholly original to the universe as it enters their experience, a dozen or so of these flicks are getting cranked out a year. And the funny thing is, the critics spend a lot of time justifying these movies instead of simply writing them off. But the review always has the haunting quality of a 16 year old girl whose parent simply don't understand her...
The review of the teen movie always goes something like:
Being a teenager is hard. Every high school is the same. There are cliques. The cafeteria blah blah blah. We all hated it, right? Right? This movie is about a girl who is sad because she is not popular in the cafeteria. Something magical happens to make her popular but then she does not like herself. This thing tests her identity about who she wants to be, and she decides to be who she was at the beginning of the movie and the bitchy girls get their comeuppance. This movie wasn't very good, but it had a few funny jokes. Breakfast Club is good. In spite of all the shit I put on other, better movies, I liked this movie. The End.
You know what?
If you really thought that life would be great if you ditched your friends, it means you're an idiot and kind of a horrible person. Seriously. You don't deserve the fairy tale story where you learn to accept your friends. You were probably a jerk then and, more than likely, you're a jerk now.
And, kids... High school is easy. High schoolers don't really work and they live the dream lives of the characters on Friends where you pretty much pal around with your buddies all day, and then go pal around with your buddies some more, and nobody is ever at work or worrying about a mortgage or anything. This is why my favorite high school movie may well be "American Beauty".
Of course, I came into my high school as a sophomore, so maybe I missed the day freshman year we were given "A TV Viewer's Guide to Your High School". And thanks to TV and movies, I remember thinking high school was going to be this horrible place where I was going to have to win ski competitions and dance-offs to impress girls. Really, the worst thing about high school is that you have to go see a lady in the principals' office when you are "tardy", even if it's because you dared to use the bathroom between classes.
I suspect movies and TV are written by people who always secretly wanted to be IN some crowd they thought would make boring high school more interesting, instead of watching these other folks from afar like the characters always do on these shows. Which pretty much means two things to me:
1) the writers may have dedicated their whole lives to feeling superior to Jessica Schwartz once and for all, and their whole professional life is some sad revenge fantasy
2) The critics need the same visceral indication and are still getting it from these movies at age 40
With movie after movie coming out like this, clearly it's reaching the intended audience (whether the decision is to go with the hot, rich prince, or whether to go back to hanging out with your admittedly lame friends you had in Act 1).
My high school movie would be painful and boring to watch as the great drama unfolded as my dad and I debated whether mowing the lawn early or late on Saturday was a better idea. Or the drama of the bad haircut. Or the story of the time the pump took a really long time at the Chevron. Or the saga of the really bad pair of Bugle Boys. Or the time I jumped off my roof into the pool. If we wanted to get really exciting, we could investigate the mystery of why we never had any damn soda in the house unless guests came to visit. Hollywood, I am ready to sell any of these ideas.
As long as there are teenagers who believe media targeted at them is shiny and brand new and wholly original to the universe as it enters their experience, a dozen or so of these flicks are getting cranked out a year. And the funny thing is, the critics spend a lot of time justifying these movies instead of simply writing them off. But the review always has the haunting quality of a 16 year old girl whose parent simply don't understand her...
The review of the teen movie always goes something like:
Being a teenager is hard. Every high school is the same. There are cliques. The cafeteria blah blah blah. We all hated it, right? Right? This movie is about a girl who is sad because she is not popular in the cafeteria. Something magical happens to make her popular but then she does not like herself. This thing tests her identity about who she wants to be, and she decides to be who she was at the beginning of the movie and the bitchy girls get their comeuppance. This movie wasn't very good, but it had a few funny jokes. Breakfast Club is good. In spite of all the shit I put on other, better movies, I liked this movie. The End.
You know what?
If you really thought that life would be great if you ditched your friends, it means you're an idiot and kind of a horrible person. Seriously. You don't deserve the fairy tale story where you learn to accept your friends. You were probably a jerk then and, more than likely, you're a jerk now.
And, kids... High school is easy. High schoolers don't really work and they live the dream lives of the characters on Friends where you pretty much pal around with your buddies all day, and then go pal around with your buddies some more, and nobody is ever at work or worrying about a mortgage or anything. This is why my favorite high school movie may well be "American Beauty".
Of course, I came into my high school as a sophomore, so maybe I missed the day freshman year we were given "A TV Viewer's Guide to Your High School". And thanks to TV and movies, I remember thinking high school was going to be this horrible place where I was going to have to win ski competitions and dance-offs to impress girls. Really, the worst thing about high school is that you have to go see a lady in the principals' office when you are "tardy", even if it's because you dared to use the bathroom between classes.
I suspect movies and TV are written by people who always secretly wanted to be IN some crowd they thought would make boring high school more interesting, instead of watching these other folks from afar like the characters always do on these shows. Which pretty much means two things to me:
1) the writers may have dedicated their whole lives to feeling superior to Jessica Schwartz once and for all, and their whole professional life is some sad revenge fantasy
2) The critics need the same visceral indication and are still getting it from these movies at age 40
With movie after movie coming out like this, clearly it's reaching the intended audience (whether the decision is to go with the hot, rich prince, or whether to go back to hanging out with your admittedly lame friends you had in Act 1).
My high school movie would be painful and boring to watch as the great drama unfolded as my dad and I debated whether mowing the lawn early or late on Saturday was a better idea. Or the drama of the bad haircut. Or the story of the time the pump took a really long time at the Chevron. Or the saga of the really bad pair of Bugle Boys. Or the time I jumped off my roof into the pool. If we wanted to get really exciting, we could investigate the mystery of why we never had any damn soda in the house unless guests came to visit. Hollywood, I am ready to sell any of these ideas.
Friday, April 30, 2004
In the history of weird decisions, this was one of the weirdest in broadcasting I can think of.
NPR said "adios" today to Bob Edwards as the voice of my morning commute.
I'm still not sure what prompted Edward's ouster, but I am betting whatever we were told about wanting to skew younger is hogwash. I bet Edwards and Montagne got into a knife-fight in the parking lot.
NPR said "adios" today to Bob Edwards as the voice of my morning commute.
I'm still not sure what prompted Edward's ouster, but I am betting whatever we were told about wanting to skew younger is hogwash. I bet Edwards and Montagne got into a knife-fight in the parking lot.
Apparently some a-holes in some a-hole hate group managed to get top billing when you Google for "Jew." Google has posted an apology if this is what you find while searching, but has stated they cannot change the findings without compromising the validity of their process. Or something.
Apparently, as a web-publisher guy, I can help a bit by linking to this site. If enough people link to it, and I say Jew on my website, it may help derail the hate group. I have no idea if this will work or help or not, but you have to try, right? So, here I link to the definition of Jew.
Apparently, as a web-publisher guy, I can help a bit by linking to this site. If enough people link to it, and I say Jew on my website, it may help derail the hate group. I have no idea if this will work or help or not, but you have to try, right? So, here I link to the definition of Jew.
Some ABC affiliate stations now refuse to play tonight's upcoming Nightline installment featuring the names and photographs of the soldiers who have died in Iraq.
Says Koppel, "I didn't expect that. I thought it would get attention, but did I think it would become so controversial, did I think that people would feel the need to question the patriotism of those who are putting it on the air? Did I think that it would descend to the depths of some people suggesting we were doing this because the networks are going into a sweeps period when ratings become important? You start to wonder after a while. I've been doing 'Nightline' for over 24 years, I've been at ABC for 41 years, if that's really the impression I've left with people then I have failed in such a colossal way that I can't even begin to consider the consequences of it."
Says Koppel, "I didn't expect that. I thought it would get attention, but did I think it would become so controversial, did I think that people would feel the need to question the patriotism of those who are putting it on the air? Did I think that it would descend to the depths of some people suggesting we were doing this because the networks are going into a sweeps period when ratings become important? You start to wonder after a while. I've been doing 'Nightline' for over 24 years, I've been at ABC for 41 years, if that's really the impression I've left with people then I have failed in such a colossal way that I can't even begin to consider the consequences of it."
Last night when I was going to bed, I turned off the light and then turned on a flashlight to try and be funny and surprise Jamie. No go on surprising Jamie.
However, Mel (who likes to sleep by the foot of our bed) suddenly began scrambling around, terrified out of his mind by the flashlight.
My dog is afraid of flashlights.
Melbotis + flashlight =
ba-KAWK!!!!
However, Mel (who likes to sleep by the foot of our bed) suddenly began scrambling around, terrified out of his mind by the flashlight.
My dog is afraid of flashlights.
Melbotis + flashlight =
ba-KAWK!!!!
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Folks trickling in from Jim D's site: I welcome you and apologize in advance.
I also apologize for all the type-o's. My mum's a teacher, and she'd be sad if she thought you believed I cannot spell.
For those of you who don't know Jim, I went to college with Jim D. This is a photograph of Jim in his swankier college days.
I also apologize for all the type-o's. My mum's a teacher, and she'd be sad if she thought you believed I cannot spell.
For those of you who don't know Jim, I went to college with Jim D. This is a photograph of Jim in his swankier college days.
Superman #204 hit the stands yesterday, and I can't encourage Loyal Leaguers enough to get on board Superman with this issue.
Holy cats.
I had been very excited by the previews DC had posted on their website, but the preview doesn't actually show what's in #204. Sure, the dialogue is the same for the first two pages, but it's actually different art. It's a greater establishing shot. I'm kind of curious to know what happened and if the art will turn up again... But who cares. Superman #204 rocked my socks off in a way the other two (very nicely done) relaunches have failed to do.
Brian Azzarello is better known for his crime-fiction, and the story will be the largest "whodunit?" in comics in a long time. Indeed, while Superman was lending a hand to Kyle Rayner Green Lantern a million miles from home, something happened back on Earth. Superman returned to discover that about 1 million people were missing. Just gone. Among the missing was Lois Lane, intrepid reporter for The Daily Planet and wife to Superman.
Anyway, the story has almost no action. It's a huge prelude of things to come. But the art is phenomenal, and the writing is excellent.
You can wait 18 months for the collection to be released, or you can jump on-board now. I know what I'd do.
Speaking of Green Lanterns... Looks like Hal Jordan will officially be DC's boy in green once again. I like John Stewart, myself... But that's mostly based on only the cartoon of Justice League and a brief run called Cosmic Odyssey and a few good issues of Joe Kelley's JLA. We'll see what happens.
Holy cats.
I had been very excited by the previews DC had posted on their website, but the preview doesn't actually show what's in #204. Sure, the dialogue is the same for the first two pages, but it's actually different art. It's a greater establishing shot. I'm kind of curious to know what happened and if the art will turn up again... But who cares. Superman #204 rocked my socks off in a way the other two (very nicely done) relaunches have failed to do.
Brian Azzarello is better known for his crime-fiction, and the story will be the largest "whodunit?" in comics in a long time. Indeed, while Superman was lending a hand to Kyle Rayner Green Lantern a million miles from home, something happened back on Earth. Superman returned to discover that about 1 million people were missing. Just gone. Among the missing was Lois Lane, intrepid reporter for The Daily Planet and wife to Superman.
Anyway, the story has almost no action. It's a huge prelude of things to come. But the art is phenomenal, and the writing is excellent.
You can wait 18 months for the collection to be released, or you can jump on-board now. I know what I'd do.
Speaking of Green Lanterns... Looks like Hal Jordan will officially be DC's boy in green once again. I like John Stewart, myself... But that's mostly based on only the cartoon of Justice League and a brief run called Cosmic Odyssey and a few good issues of Joe Kelley's JLA. We'll see what happens.
An old co-worker of mine was just accepted to the Cannes Film Festival...
Karen Skloss and I worked together at the Instructional Media Lab (now the FIC) at the University of Texas. She was lead editor and cinematographer on a few of our projects while I was there. I knew she had talent, but I am ashamed to now admit we got into a row or two over editing decisions. Clearly, she is now more in the right than I. Karen, wherever you are, I am sorry i wanted that pan shot cut.
Karen is an A+ kind of person, and I am thrilled to hear about her success.
Irony of ironies... Karen is not a grad student in the RTF department. She's a Fine Arts grad.
UT RTF let's one more slip away....
Karen Skloss and I worked together at the Instructional Media Lab (now the FIC) at the University of Texas. She was lead editor and cinematographer on a few of our projects while I was there. I knew she had talent, but I am ashamed to now admit we got into a row or two over editing decisions. Clearly, she is now more in the right than I. Karen, wherever you are, I am sorry i wanted that pan shot cut.
Karen is an A+ kind of person, and I am thrilled to hear about her success.
Irony of ironies... Karen is not a grad student in the RTF department. She's a Fine Arts grad.
UT RTF let's one more slip away....
Further proof that we are two nations separated by a common language... just read the headline my friends.
The article is very interesting, too. Thanks to my wife for the link.
The article is very interesting, too. Thanks to my wife for the link.
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Today is the 4th Anniversary of my wedding to Jamie McBride Steans.
We got married on a lovely Friday afternoon in South Austin under the watchful eye of many of our friends and loved ones and some random friends of my parents. Jamie was amazingly lovely, and the whole thing mostly went off without a hitch.
Here's to four great years of me being the luckiest guy on earth.
We got married on a lovely Friday afternoon in South Austin under the watchful eye of many of our friends and loved ones and some random friends of my parents. Jamie was amazingly lovely, and the whole thing mostly went off without a hitch.
Here's to four great years of me being the luckiest guy on earth.
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Everyone wants to be naked and famous.
I got a post-card in my mail-slot at work today for some sort of drama camp being held at my employing university. It looks like it's for middle-school or high-school aged kids, and is designed to aloow them to try out their acting chops in an environment other than the annual Christmas Pageant (I, myself, am a three-time veteran narrator of the Christmas Pageant. I was not allowed to narrate anymore after I flubbed the phrase "Prince of Peace" during the horrid production of "The Christmas Alphabet". There are a lot of letters after P, and X wasn't even included, so it wasn't much of a play. But I sure saw those angry stares from the parents when I screwed up "Prince of Peace". Which made me start laughing. Which made my brother start laughing. Which made Todd start laughing. Which didn't help with the angry stares. And I thought Christmas was supposed to be merry...).
At any rate, the post card shows about five kids of varying ethnicities pulled from some pay-per-photo website. They might be singing. They might be yelling. I can't tell. I kind of don't like kids, so I didn't pay too much attention. What caught my eye was the phrase, "Where every child is a star!" Parents: That is physically impossible. Not every child is a star. The world if full of us chorus type people. And if your kid stinks, your kid stinks. furthermore, Parents: just because your kid is an obnoxious lout, doesn't make them the next Katherine Hepburn. Trust me. And, no... there's no such thing as precociousness. It's almost invariably obnoxiousness through the filter of parent's doting eyes. And then it becomes obnoxiousness which receives positive reinforcement, making it all the worse for the chorus kids.
Can little kids be good actors? Sure. I guess. And so can chimps and dogs. Even Dolphins can act, if you've seen Flipper.
But the point is, not EVERY child is going to be a star. A lot of kids will go to camp and end up way back in the chorus, or play "shopkeep #5" in an atrocious rendition of Hello, Dolly! (I am actually reminded of a former co-worker of mine who told me her 5th grade class performed MacBeth. I said "God, that must have been awful for your parents!" and she said "No, we were really good." To which I said "You were 10. Whether you knew it or not, the best you could do is memorize your lines." To which she insisted "well, we were in the gifted class." To which I said "Weren't we all. It sounds like a freaking nightmare. I pity your parents." To which she said "Well, kids at my school were probably smarter than at your school. This was in Philadelphia." Which pretty much went against everything I ever knew about Philadelphia, but I let it drop.)
Now there's nothing wrong with kids doing drama, or adults doing drama. And I don't want that confusion to play out here. But the point is: iWhere Every Child Is a Star!
Which got me thinking about Reality TV. It's fairly easy to see the connection and if you see where I'm going, stop reading now. Reality TV is the long-awaited dream of all of us untalented chorus people. It's the final resting place of the morbidly un-cast to be famous for being famous, to let dignity and due process fly to the wind. It casts off any preconceptions about skill, or working for years before getting a break, or having talent. It's your chance to fulfill the highschool popularity contest of being universally known and loved just for existing.
But, like everything else, this stardom is fleeting. Just the length of the season of the show, and then someone even nutsier comes along on a show you never heard of before. But by then you've got an agent, you've ditched your girlfriend and moved to LA to have a go at making it in the movies (which, honestly... you know jack-shit about...). You get a role in a commercial playing a pre-scripted version of yourself (who is kind of an ass, but it's hyperbole for TV, right...?) and then... VH1 calls to ask you about how bitter you are because you're not in the next Spielberg picture the way you hoped... and can they put you on camera to talk about it? Well, says you agent, it would be good for your exposure (which is limited to the local bar right now). So, yeah, go ahead. 15% of blood money is better than 15% of nothing.
And forget about the kids who go to LA and are starring in movies like "The Sopornos 18" a year or two of bad decision making after their arrival. Or the sea of people who don't happen to have fathers and mothers who can get them a job... Or the demeaning role of "chubby girl #2" or the best story they have is that it turns out Alan Thicke can be a real moody bastard on set...
We want our kids to be famous. We want them to be known and harassed and stalked and photographed and adored... screw it if their only skill is showing their teeth when they smile...
And if they do become a star, they decide you abused them and sue you for all you've got once they turn twenty-one and meet a coke-head stripper looking for a handout. Hell, if the story is horrific enough, you can get on VH1 and talk about with out without a 15% representation fee. And, hey... that makes you semi-famous, right..?
I got a post-card in my mail-slot at work today for some sort of drama camp being held at my employing university. It looks like it's for middle-school or high-school aged kids, and is designed to aloow them to try out their acting chops in an environment other than the annual Christmas Pageant (I, myself, am a three-time veteran narrator of the Christmas Pageant. I was not allowed to narrate anymore after I flubbed the phrase "Prince of Peace" during the horrid production of "The Christmas Alphabet". There are a lot of letters after P, and X wasn't even included, so it wasn't much of a play. But I sure saw those angry stares from the parents when I screwed up "Prince of Peace". Which made me start laughing. Which made my brother start laughing. Which made Todd start laughing. Which didn't help with the angry stares. And I thought Christmas was supposed to be merry...).
At any rate, the post card shows about five kids of varying ethnicities pulled from some pay-per-photo website. They might be singing. They might be yelling. I can't tell. I kind of don't like kids, so I didn't pay too much attention. What caught my eye was the phrase, "Where every child is a star!" Parents: That is physically impossible. Not every child is a star. The world if full of us chorus type people. And if your kid stinks, your kid stinks. furthermore, Parents: just because your kid is an obnoxious lout, doesn't make them the next Katherine Hepburn. Trust me. And, no... there's no such thing as precociousness. It's almost invariably obnoxiousness through the filter of parent's doting eyes. And then it becomes obnoxiousness which receives positive reinforcement, making it all the worse for the chorus kids.
Can little kids be good actors? Sure. I guess. And so can chimps and dogs. Even Dolphins can act, if you've seen Flipper.
But the point is, not EVERY child is going to be a star. A lot of kids will go to camp and end up way back in the chorus, or play "shopkeep #5" in an atrocious rendition of Hello, Dolly! (I am actually reminded of a former co-worker of mine who told me her 5th grade class performed MacBeth. I said "God, that must have been awful for your parents!" and she said "No, we were really good." To which I said "You were 10. Whether you knew it or not, the best you could do is memorize your lines." To which she insisted "well, we were in the gifted class." To which I said "Weren't we all. It sounds like a freaking nightmare. I pity your parents." To which she said "Well, kids at my school were probably smarter than at your school. This was in Philadelphia." Which pretty much went against everything I ever knew about Philadelphia, but I let it drop.)
Now there's nothing wrong with kids doing drama, or adults doing drama. And I don't want that confusion to play out here. But the point is: iWhere Every Child Is a Star!
Which got me thinking about Reality TV. It's fairly easy to see the connection and if you see where I'm going, stop reading now. Reality TV is the long-awaited dream of all of us untalented chorus people. It's the final resting place of the morbidly un-cast to be famous for being famous, to let dignity and due process fly to the wind. It casts off any preconceptions about skill, or working for years before getting a break, or having talent. It's your chance to fulfill the highschool popularity contest of being universally known and loved just for existing.
But, like everything else, this stardom is fleeting. Just the length of the season of the show, and then someone even nutsier comes along on a show you never heard of before. But by then you've got an agent, you've ditched your girlfriend and moved to LA to have a go at making it in the movies (which, honestly... you know jack-shit about...). You get a role in a commercial playing a pre-scripted version of yourself (who is kind of an ass, but it's hyperbole for TV, right...?) and then... VH1 calls to ask you about how bitter you are because you're not in the next Spielberg picture the way you hoped... and can they put you on camera to talk about it? Well, says you agent, it would be good for your exposure (which is limited to the local bar right now). So, yeah, go ahead. 15% of blood money is better than 15% of nothing.
And forget about the kids who go to LA and are starring in movies like "The Sopornos 18" a year or two of bad decision making after their arrival. Or the sea of people who don't happen to have fathers and mothers who can get them a job... Or the demeaning role of "chubby girl #2" or the best story they have is that it turns out Alan Thicke can be a real moody bastard on set...
We want our kids to be famous. We want them to be known and harassed and stalked and photographed and adored... screw it if their only skill is showing their teeth when they smile...
And if they do become a star, they decide you abused them and sue you for all you've got once they turn twenty-one and meet a coke-head stripper looking for a handout. Hell, if the story is horrific enough, you can get on VH1 and talk about with out without a 15% representation fee. And, hey... that makes you semi-famous, right..?
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