Thursday, July 24, 2003

According to my Sitemeter readings, it appears that The League of Melbotis is THE hotspot if you're looking for nude photos of Ann Coulter. I fear to even mention this, because it means I am probably propogating the problem. But I think if you check, unique ID by unique ID, you'll see that more folks are looking for Ann Coulter nude than are not.

In honor of nude Ann Coulter, I hereby present a fully-clothed Don King.

I'm kind of living over at Jim's site for a while until he can get squared away and get up and running in Beaumont. Pop on in and take a gander.

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

Hey, kids,

Your Uncle Ryan is feeling a little bad that he may have freaked some people out with this morning's post.

It is true that I do not really like living in Arizona, but I think what I realized is that it's time I draw out a game plan for taking back control of my own destiny. I have several grievances with myself which, mayhaps, I should not have aired online, but the idea is that I am working to address those grievances.

So do not worry (thanks for the support, Leaguers!), I am just trying to figure out how to get out of the blasted heat of Southern Arizona.
After hearing about it all last year, Jamie and I rented Old School from our local retailer. Despite the talent in the movie, I didn't really think it was very funny. Or well written. Or clever. Or even particularly well edited. In fact, it seemed like one of the laziest jobs ever put onto film, but I imagine they knew they weren't exactly putting together Citizen Kane, or even Thomas the Tank Engine.

But the movie did remind me of how cosmically boring my life has become since I moved out to Arizona. The movie hints that marriage is what dooms you, and maybe that's so for many folks, but I think I can point more to our poorly planned move to Arizona. Granted, before we moved, I had lived in Austin for somewhere in the neighborhood of 16 of my 27 years, so a change of pace was welcome. But when "Frank the Tank" begins describing what he plans to do with his weekend (go to Home Depot, etc...), it struck a little too close to home to be funny.

I used to be a fun guy. I'm not necessarily equating my college boozing with fun (although it was), but I think I had even more fun once College was over, I was working a McJob and Jamie and I were cohabitating (so i have a hard time pointing to marriage. cohabitation as the source of the spectre). I was having a pretty good time right up until the time we got to the Valley of the Sun.

It's true that I am to blame for my boredom. I no longer really have the will to seek out art or festivals or even really to go to the movies (people talk here at the movies like it's the only safe place to have a conversation). I certainly never really "go out" on the weekends. 1) there's nowhere to "go out" to in Chandler except a bar AT THE MALL, and Scottsdale is pretty far away from my house. I leave it to your imagination to figure out all the permutations of drinking and driving which become problematic. 2) The only people I know are from work, and I am their boss, so going out and becoming buddies with them is problematic should I need to get serious with them in the office. 3) The greater Phoenix music/ art/ anything of interest scene is completely off my radar. I don't even know where things are, or when they are happening. 4) what I do know about is either insanely expensive or an hour+ away. Even tickets to go see the Diamondbacks are $45 for crappy seats, and I don't even like baseball. 5) whenever you ask what there is to do out here, everyone tells you to go to Sedona. You know what? Fuck Sedona. I refuse to go there on the basis that everyone tells me to go there, and if these people were so smart, they wouldn't be living in this boring desert. 6) I don't play golf. Nor do I want to play golf. I want to play golf the way other people want to spend their lives reading comic books. It just ain't going to happen, but with 400+ golf courses in the greater Phoenix area, you are expected to LEARN to like golf. No. I will not.

But the biggest problem I have is COMPLACENCY. I've let myself get stuck in an idiotic rut. Instead of trying to find something to do here, which would only be a band-aid on the problem, my goal is now to move somewhere else than Chandler, AZ. The highlight of my weekend does not need to be trips to Target and the grocery store. I don't need to spend all day stressing because I know it will be very hot out on Sunday when I have to scoop the dog crap and mow the yard. Quite honestly, I'm going a little batshit. If anyone knows of any work in a major metropolitan area, let me know.

Tuesday, July 22, 2003

they say apples are nature's toothbrush. And you know what? It's true.
I have a new hero.

Look out, RHPT...

It appears all of us working in the tech sector may soon be in for a replacement. Unfortunately, I've seen how this plays out, and it ain't pretty...


The Batman fanfilm which caused such a ruckus at the San Diego ComicCon can be found here. People have apparently been going batty over the thing. Batty... ha ha ha... ahhhhhh, me....


Well, I watched the Batman thing (it's a Quicktime download). The video looks really nice, and if you're an Alex Ross fan, Batman and Joker actually look really, really cool. The dialog is really terrible, and the "twists" they add in are... I don't know what they are...

Honestly, I don't know what this is. It reminds me of something I would have dreamt up in 8th grade, but I assume adults are behind it. Anyway, give it a shot, but don't break your arm trying to download the thing.

Monday, July 21, 2003

This afternoon I called the good folks at ADOT to figure out what I was supposed to do about my license plate. "What did you want on your plate?"
"Krypto. K-R-Y-P-T-O. Krypto."
"It's coming up as a drug reference."
"You computer has file of drug references?"
"Yes sir."
"And Krypto was one of them?"
"Yep. Ice, Special K, all this stuff I never heard of. All drugs."
"And Krypto?"
"You never know."
What was not clear was that anyone has ever actually called anything Krypto. But a quick web-search turns up that Krypto is a specific breed of marijuana. Who knew?!!

according to the DOJ: "Krypto," short for kryptonite, is hydroponically grown marijuana that is supplied by Philadelphia-based criminal groups who transport the drug to Atlantic City.

So because some idiot in Philly has decided to call his dope "Krypto," I may not get my license plate. I will find out after the "committee" reviews my request the 2nd Thursday in August. I am thrilled to know I get no rebuttal. Further, I wonder if DC comics knows the name of their beloved character has been co-opted for what sounds like some scientifically enhanced bud?

And can't the state of Arizona accept the fact I like to get groovy and just let the license plate slide? I suppose not. The ultimate irony being that this hydroponic weed is so potent, they named it after the stuff which takes down Superman. So the Superman connection comes full circle. I wonder if there's any "Ace the Bathound" wonder weed?

First teaser image of Doctor Octopus as played by Alfred Molina in the upcoming Spider-Man 2 (Amazing Spider-Man).
Part of my morning routine is checking the mail while Mel and I do our little lap around the neighborhood. This morning I received a letter from the Arizona Dept. of Transportation.

A few weeks ago it came time to renew the tags for my car, and like a good little netizen, I jumped online and took care of it immediately (I also took care of Jamie and registered her to vote). One of the options in renewing your tags was to get "vanity" plates for your auto. There's a lot more folks out in Arizona with vanity plates than what you see in Texas, and I discovered that these personalized plates are fairly inexpensive. So, without thinking clearly, I popped in my personalized info. and sat back to reap the benefits of high-speed bandwidth and a check card.

At 5:30 this morning, I got Saturday's mail. Despite the fact I filled in the little box on the form explaining what I had chosen for my plate to say, someone in the ADOT doesn't believe I had the best of intentions when putting "Krypto" on the back of my car. I don't know what they THINK it means, but it's pretty clear that "Krypto" was kind of freaking them out.

Instead of a performing a 30 second web-search to verify my claim, this government monkey sent my request to some review board. No time line has been given as to when I can expect to see whether or not "Krypto" has been approved, but the letter insinuated that the word or phrase had connotations which the state of Arizona did not like.

The thing which concerns me is that I have a tag which I must put on my car by the end of the month. This tag set me back no small amount of green, and I don't want to have to buy a new one if and when they do send me my plate. Lousy bastards.

I won't cry if the state won't allow me to put this on my car (although I think I will be vindicated). In fact, the decision to put Krypto on my car was one I kind of questioned about five minutes after I quit giggling as I sent off my request. This was the same sort of decision making which led me to wear a shirt in middle school which read: Vote LV-426 Planet-Con in '86! (if you can determine what that statement refers to, bonus points.) Nonetheless, it was a bad decision, but it was MY bad decision, and I am sticking with it.

I'll keep you posted as to how this pans out. I need to call ADOT tomorrow to see what I'm supposed to do about this tag +/- plate debacle.
Ann Coulter Nude

Well, I may have doomed myself to an endless hell of popularity with folks looking for nude photos of Ann Coulter.

8 of my last 20 hits came from folks looking for Ann Coulter pics or other... 24 of the last 100 hits.

Anyway, I promised to print results, but I have no idea what this means.

The truth is, right now I'm watching the new Teen Titans show on Cartoon Network, and it's not very good. Oh, well. I did like the first issue of the re-vamped comic by Geoff Johns, though. The cartoon is kind of anime style, a style which I have always not been very interested in because I assumed there was a lot lost in the translation from Japanese to English. I don't see the point of an American cartoon lifting the style, including goofy cultural shortcuts which are fairly meaningless to American viewers, and which are really kind of cutesy (even for a kid's cartoon). I guess the point is to use someone else's tools to fool kids into thinking this somehow fits in the Yu-Gi-Oh, Pokemon, etc... But here's the deal, Yu-Gi-Oh has toys and cards which go along with the show. It's all interconnected. As an intrepid comic fan, I know that no Teen Titans toys are en route (retailers feel there are too many girls on the team (2 of 5) and the toys would never sell.

The rumor turning on the Superman mill is that Cartoon Network will next be launching a cartoon based around Superman's Silver Age canine pal, Krypto the Superdog. It will be geared at very young kids. I look forward to it. BTW, Krypto doesn't talk in the comics. I don't know what's up with this issue.

Jamie and I joined Sam's Wholesale Club this weekend. Mostly, I just wanted one of those big barrels of pretzels because I was hungry. I'm not sure that the "wholesale" costs will help us. There are only two of us, we had to pay $30 to join, and we bought enough stuff that if we actually go back to Sam's before November, I'll be shocked.

Anyway, fairly boring weekend. Hope yours was better.

I hope to post my "In Defense of Megatron" think piece over at Jim's site this week. Hope you guys tune in. I posted there this evening. Go take a peek.