Friday, April 15, 2005

The League is out for a few days. John B is marrying Julie L in The Woodlands, Texas. The Bros. Steans will be appearing for the wedding, and we'll even be decked out in tux.

I'm very happy for John B. and Julie L. Those too kids deserve the best.

See you guys sometime next week.

In the meantime, Alex Ross is doing one of 2 covers for the release of the first issue of the new Green Lantern comic series.




Hal Jordan! Hal Jordan! Hal Jordan!
The League Grumbles about The End of Youth

I didn't reflect too much on being 30, but here we go.

On the night of my 30th birthday, after Jamie had drifted off to Sleepytime Junction, I was up and reading comics with the TV on.

Although I was not looking at the television, my attention was piqued as the opening bars to Jane's Addiction's 1990 release, Mountain Song, from Nothing's Shocking came from the speakers.

Coors Beer is using Mountain Song in a new commercial.

You can read the press release here, but here's the jist of it.

"Ice City" - Re-edit by Foote Cone & Belding, Chicago
Music: Jane's Addiction "Mountain Song"
Tagline: "Taste the Cold"
Summary: This spot, which was originally created by the Leith Agency and was re-edited by Foote Cone & Belding, shows how a Rocky Mountain cold Coors Light can turn a dreary hot summer day into a wonderful icy-cold experience.


League's editor's note: Yeah. That's what Coors does for me, especially in Houston during the summer, when it's 105 degrees with 95% humidity. It feels just like the snow capped peeks of the Rockies once you get a six pack of Coors in your belly.

I don't really listen to any Jane's Addiction any more. But I did once, and certainly this particular tune was a sort of hallmark song for my teen-age years. The tune is tied up with some good memories and whatnot, and it's not Coors' fault that this sort of diminishes all of that.

Co- opting music is hardly a novel concept. It's not as if songs other people liked weren't used before in order to sell products, or even products I don't personally like. And it's not as if performers I had previously believed weren't pre-disposed to selling their songs for commercials hadn't cashed in before.

Who knows what the amount of cash was that the owners of the song received for use in the Coors commercial? Sure, it's their song, and they can do as they please... It does, however, complete the long journey the band has been taking in consumer acceptance since their initial break-up.

At the time the song was released, the song (and band, and the album) were not favorites of the kids at my school. They could have their Bobby Brown records and Paula Abdul, or whatever. But you wait fifteen years, and while the song certainly has waned in it's preciousness, I find I can still feel protective of it. At one point, it had value and merit.

But that's what happens, I guess. Wait fifteen years and some ad exec just flips through a catalog of songs until he can find a song with a title including the word "mountain" to go along with his "head for the mountains" campaign, cut a check, and that's it. Everybody involved gets a little richer. The ownership you might have felt out of pure emotional attachment doesn't figure in. The dollar almighty speaks louder than that.

I know, I know. None of this is news.

But you start wondering... did the ad exec like this song at some point in their life, too? And if they did, would this be the fate they'd want for the song? An overplayed soundclip timed to pictures of happy frat boys in the mountains? How did they put it? This spot ... shows how a Rocky Mountain cold Coors Light can turn a dreary hot summer day into a wonderful icy-cold experience.

These are the same people who want to make Gene Kelly break dance to sell Volkswagons, and dig up Steve McQueen and make him drive through a corn field to sell Fords... there ain't nothing wrong with it, right? Or, my favorite, taking the images of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, putting sunglasses on them and having them shriek like extreme dudes about the good deals on the local water park.

These were the kids who never played in the woods enough growing up to know that when something is dead you leave it alone, you don't touch, and you move on. You don't pick it up and swing it around just because you can.

In the grand scheme of things, this is way far below my absolute horror at some of my other experiences in disillusionment. This commercial rates that mild sort of annoying feeling that baseball fans probably get when they think about McGwire and steroids.

Part of being an adult, I guess, is finding out that there is really no end to the series of disappointments you'll discover in regards to the ideological high-hopes you established during your formative years. The trauma might come from finding out that was Dad in the Santa suit, it might be that you realize your vote really doesn't count, it might be that the crazy rock band from your youth is now buying sports cars with proceeds from a dumb commercial.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Toys That Should Not Be

Oh, Leaguers... finally a TTSNB which I may actually purchase.

McFarlane Toys/ Spawn has just grabbed a license to make "action figures" of three characters from the 2004 movie "Napolean Dynamite."

Sweet.
Hey, not sure how much you guys care, but there have been set photos and other stuff all over the place from the new Superman movie.

I recommend popping over to The Superman Homepage.

Here's some photos.

Here are some more pics.

here's the logo for the new flick.


shiny..!
Not much time tonight, so I thought I'd go to an idea Steven G. Harms posted not so long ago.

Steven G. Harms recently posted this, and I thought we could have another round of blogger compare/ contrast if you Loyal Leaguers wnat to chime in on your own blogs or in the Comments section.

Basically, Harms is asking: if you could have 6 television personalities sit down at your dinner table, who would you pick and why?

I am assuming he means actors, not characters. He probably also means real humans and not computer generated nor animated ones.

1) John Goodman - This guy has had an interesting career full of artistic highlights in film and odd choices for prime-time programming. He's been around the block a few times as an actor, and I bet he'd be an interesting guy. He never appeared in Pootie Tang.

2) Bob Costas - If there's one guy I routinely ask, "What's up with this guy?", it's Costas. Again, interesting and varied career. And he was willing to be the framing device for Pootie Tang, the best movie of the past ten years.

3) Wanda Sykes - Again with Pootie Tang. Wanda seems like she'd keep the table interesting without becoming caustic.

4) John Stewart - Sure, he wasn't in Pootie Tang, but he should have been. If I couldn't get Stewart, I'd certainly take Colbert.

5) David Cross - Only had a cameo in Pootie Tang, but nonetheless, I'd want him at the table. This was a tough one as I initially began writing "Will Arnett", but between Mr. Show and Arrested Development, I think I have to go with David Cross.

6) James Lipton - Seriously, is there anybody less deserving of their own show than this maniac? Well, maybe Geraldo Rivera. Yet, I can't shake the feeling that Lipton would be just the spice this dinner salad needs. There's nothing like adding someone to your group who has no idea he's insane.

Alternate) Gillian Anderson - Probably has never even heard of Pootie Tang, but I forgive her. She is invited to my table as long as she doesn't mind me staring at her creepily the entire time. She always seems sort of boring in interviews, so I'm not sure what she would bring to the conversation. I just want to stare at her.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Thanks to Randy for first posting his own examples, and then pointing everyone to the "personalize yourself as South Park" link.


The League


Mrs. League


Steanso



First things first:

Everyone congratulate Jill Hermann-Wilmarth. For today is both the 8-month birthday of Arden, and Jill succesfully defended her dissertation. That means Jill is now a doctor. But not the kind of doctor who will ask you to turn your head to the side and cough.

Jill's dissertation was entitled "Various flavors of ice-creams which are pink, oh how I love them." I'm surprised they allowed her to pursue such a track, but after 800 pages, even I believe Jill really loves most flavors of ice cream with a pink hue.

Jill is going off to teach in the greater Kalamazoo area. No, really. She's moving to Kalamazoo, Michigan. Apparently she's going to be bossing a lot of undergrads and grading on an unfair bell-curve. They have a very active ice-cream department at Kalamazoo State.

Secondly:

Thanks to all of you folks who wrote in for the warm birthday wishes. Between the comments section, e-mails and phone calls, The League doesn't feel abandoned at all out here in the desert. We feel truly lucky to have so many good friends out there in internet land. It definitely makes up for the all the angry voices in The League's head.

Thus far it's been a Super Birthday. I've gotten some great gifts, including some great stuff from both the real parents and the add-on parents from Oklahoma. Let's just say I'm that much closer to being a master chess strategist and Guardian of Sector 2814.

Jamie has provided me with two new friends for my birthday. 1) Lucy the Wonderpup, and 2) Mr. B, my new robot buddy. Between the three of us, I am sure we have a sitcom ready to go.

Anyway, thanks once again for the birthday wishes. You Leaguers are the best.


Mr. B says to say "hello..... Wesley."

Thirdly:

If you can find it, you must seek out Clone High. Best cartoon since Futurama.

Really, how many other shows have clones of Ghandi and Abraham Lincoln and a robot butler?

Fourthly

Falconry? You're on. You get the bird, I'll get the dead rats and work gloves.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Big cats at the B&B.

This has such a Jurassic Park/ Westworld vibe to it, I am waiting only a few months for the tragic follow-up report.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LEAGUE!!!

Love, Mrs. League, Melbotis, Lucy, and Jeff the Cat.

Hey, everybuddy - as you know by now the League turns 30 today. YAY! And thus ends the three week period of tormenting Mrs. League about what an old lady she is. Anyway, the League pets have worked up a little dance routine they'll be performing later today and it's a damn shame none of you will get to see it. It includes a grand finale featuring a large slingshot and landing pad for Jeff the Cat. We at League HQ love the League dearly and hope he has a most GRAND DAY!
A special birthday treat from me to you.

Remember the Choose Your Own Adventure books from back in the 80's?

Thanks to the magic of Photoshop, now you can enjoy them all over again.

Mad props to Retrocrush.com for posting the link first.

Madder props to Something Awful for even coming up with this.

Now go forth and Choose Your Own Adventure.
So.

The League turns 30. Can you beat that?

That means I've been on Spaceship Earth for 30 rotations around the sun. 30.

My crazy twenties are officially over. It's all white slacks and white shoes from here on out.

Have I learned anything of value in this time? My friends, I have learned one all important thing: You don't need to tip if it's a buffet, but it's good karma to do so.

And so, on this, my 30th birthday, I turn to David Byrne, who always says it better than me.


Once In A Lifetime


And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful
wife
And you may ask yourself-Well...How did I get here?

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...

Water dissolving...and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Carry the water at the bottom of the ocean
Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean!

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?...Am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE?

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...

Monday, April 11, 2005

Warrior Story - Update!

So, if you want to know why The League always has something nice to say about everybody (except Canadians, who eat babies), it's because The League needs money for comics and doesn't need to deal with a terrible libel suit.

Sounds like the groovy website "Something Awful" has gotten into a bit of a snit with Warrior following their coverage of Warrior's recent appearance at UConn.

read more here
Sometimes I miss The Admiral.

I'm on the phone with The Admiral today, and he says, "Ho ho! I hear your brother isn't too excited about them drilling in Alaska! Ho ho!"
And we sort of chatted about environmentalism vs. business for a while, and then we were talking about wind power, and The Admiral says, "But there's got to be something environmentally wrong with wind power, too!" And I said, "Well, I guess folks say those huge windmills kill a lot of birds."
"Windmills!" The Admiral snorted, "What about windows?"
"Excuse me?"
"You can't tell me that more birds get killed by these windmills than by flying into windows."
"No, I guess not."
"I'm against all glass in houses and buildings."
"Screw that! Let's get rid of glass in cars, too!"
"All glass. We'll get slingshots and ball bearings."
"Sir," I saluted, "I am behind your plan."
"But we need to make sure people aren't in the room when we shoot the windows. Those ball bearings will scare the bajeezus out of people."
"Agreed."
Expect to hear soon from The Admiral and myself as take on all transparent glass in the name of our avian brothers.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

The Weekend in Review:

All in all, the weekend has been absolutely top drawer.

Friday my mouth finally quit hurting and I managed to eat some oatmeal. Saturday I woke up and the pain was more or less gone. I'm kind of oddly sensitive in the mouth, but nothing too bad.

Last night we went to see the Phoenix Suns play the Houston Rockets at America West Arena. I love going to NBA games, even if I am not following the team. This year I've been following the Suns as closely as possible, and so I was very excited. Or would have been if the Suns hadn't lost to the Warriors the evening before. The League knows a bad omen when he sees one.


Amare goes up against the mighty Yao. Yao rode the bench most of the game after getting four quick fouls. Suns STILL lost.

It should be noted that all NBA games have a wild array of entertainment in addition to the game. At each TV time out, the Suns produce a dude in a gorilla suit who does various tricks, rolls around on a $60,000 motorcycle, and occasionally performs stunts, a la The Houston Rockets' former mascot, Turbo.


The Suns Gorilla has been genetically engineered to have sneakers for feet.

We also had the surgically enhanced Suns Dancers, the dude who played Shaggy in Scooby Doo, and the chubby guy from Kangaroo Jack (who, I think, is out on bail pending a sexual assault charge. Go figure.).

I had left during the second quarter to get my pretzel, dog and diet coke, and so during half-time I was available for the entertainment provided by Casino Arizona's Showstoppers Live! The program at the Casino is comprised, I believe, entirely of celebrity impersonators. They used to push their Michael Jackson impersonator, but I'm guessing that guy is less popular these days. Now they're pushing Blonde Ambition-era Madonna and some dudes pretending to be "The Blues Brothers."

It was "The Blues Brothers" who took center court on Saturday night, and, I admit, stole a small part of my soul. Whatever it was that made Belushi and Aykroyd really work as the Blues Brothers wasn't present at America West Arena. Nor was any semblance of singing talent. I will admit that these guys did a fairly good job of impersonating the speedball driven dancing of Belushi and Aykroyd, but, in no way, did they approximate the singing or vocals which have had 25 years to seep into the popular consciousness.

We had fairly terrible seats, being, literally, in the top row of the arena, but even from there, one had to wonder... At what point in your singing career to you go ahead and not only audition to be a stand in for Dan Aykroyd, but decide that this is what you are going to do every night of your life? Seriously, at least the seals at Sea World have an excuse for doing the same junk every performance. They get a fresh smelt.

But, hey, the show was free with the price of admission. And we didn't feel compelled to turn to a novel the way the 16 year old girl down the way from us chose to do during the entire length of the game.

Nonetheless, it was a good game, and despite my smack talk, the Rockets did, in fact, win. Luckily it was a tight game, and if the Suns had been a little more on, they literally could have taken the game with six seconds left to go. Ah, well. I think I owe Randy a small display of humility. MacGrady is as good as advertised. Rockets will be a tough contender for anyone they face during the play-offs.

We got up this morning, scrubbed our faces and rolled to the Phoenix "Cactus ComicCon." I hadn't been to a comic convention in many, many years. And I don't really know how to describe it if you haven't been to a convention.

Here's a general idea, though. We sort of parked in the wrong area and were walking aimlessly around downtown Glendale, trying to pick out the Convention Center, when Jamie said, "Oh, look. It must be over there by all of the Storm Troopers."

Yes. It must.

In the 80's there were always paunchy dudes in Trek shirts and Vulcan ears wandering around. These days, it's always dudes in $1000 suits of Star Wars Armor. And 1 dude dressed as Darth Maul, one dude dressed as Vader, and, we got a Qui-Gon. Hooray!

The teens love manga, Leaguers, and based upon the teen age girls running about in animal ears, kimonos and carrying swords, nobody is going to care about super heroes anymore in fifteen years. True, there was a baby Captain America, and a lot of kids were there getting ruined for girls by their overzealous comic-geek dads. I would guess the median age of attendees was probably skewing closer to 27. Lots of dudes.

I did spend some money at the convention. I picked up a lot of comics for about $1, including Captain Carrot and his Amazing Zoo Crew #1.

It was a nice convention, but I didn't come prepared for the celebrity guests (Marv Wolfman was there, and me, with none of my Teen Titans comics!), and I was having a very hard time locating vintage Superman comics.

Seeing grown adults in super hero costumes is always a sort of odd experience. Part of you wants to cheer them on, and part of you wants to give them a swirly. I always wonder exactly what made them put down the character t-shirt and say to themselves, "I may be tubby, have a beard and glasses, but TODAY... TODAY I SHALL BE CAPTAIN AMERICA!!!! WOMAN, GET ME A GARBAGE CAN LID AND SPRAY PAINT!!!!"

These are my peeps. I get to make fun.

Anyhoo, it's been a good weekend. Hope ya'll had a good one, too.