Friday, January 30, 2004

kind of funny, especially the letters from the guy in the edit suite...
fun for me, fun for you.
Randy seems to be struggling with his demons from the past. He is refusing to go to his high-school reunion. And while I can empathize, I will still needle him endlessly until he joins our own Jim "Jimeroo" Dedman at their joint 10-year high-school reunion.

The League has been following pre-production and development rumors on a proposed WB produced Superman movie for the past few years. I've learned to quit listening, but yesterday I was rolling when I heard the rumor that Beyonce Knowles might be picked up to play Lois Lane. It's not that she could or couldn't do it.. it's just funny. Anyone who is labeled as "hot" is always mentioned for these things, and things get out of control. Unfortunately, from the movie "Batman Forever", we can see that these things can and do happen, and the result ain't that fantastic.

I've heard sets were being constructed at least five times, that studios were locked down for production to begin "anyday" for over a year, and nothing has yet happened.

What keeps creeping me out is the persistent rumor that uber-dork Ashton Kutscher (sp?) keeps getting mentioned for the role of Superman. I don't think I need to draw you a chart to point out the problems with this.

it is based upon this evidence that I am led to believe the Warner Bros. movie studio is largely run by horny chimpnazees.


For an actually pretty GOOD Superman movie, keep your eyes peeled at Target, etc... for the Superman: Last Son of Krypton video coming to DVD next Tuesday. It's the 3-part pilot from the animated series which ran while I was in college, and kind of continues to integrate into the current Justice League cartoon. THe parts on Krypton and Smallville are fantastic, and the story with the robot... ah, well, it's Superman. It's also a pilot for a TV show, so it doesn't exactly have a huge climax. But it's cool. Because it's SUPERMAN.

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

And just because my ADD popped this into my head in the middle of class last night and almost made me start laughing out loud:

From Conan the Barbarian:

Mongol General: We have won again. That is good! But what is best in life?
Mongol Warrior: The open steppe, fleet horse, falcon on your wrist, wind in your hair!
Mongol General: Wrong! Conan, what is best in life?
Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of the woman!
So yesterday I'm in a meeting with my director, who is a good guy, but busy enough that getting time with him can be like nailing jell-o to the wall. I'm not feeling well at all. I haven't been sleeping much lately and the pita I ate for lunch is strongly disagreeing with me. The topic of our conversation is not one which makes me particularly happy. And then one of my office-mates steps in and says the words I dread to hear:

"Ryan, there's a guy here to see you. He says his name is (oh, let's call him Steve Christmas). He says you don't know he's coming."

Leaguers, we are not on campus. We are off campus. We are in an office suite so difficult to find that we've lost client contracts due to the fact that the clients couldn't locate us. But Steve Christmas found me. And interrupted me in my very important meeting.

"Does he have a gun...?"
Rachel let out a weak laugh.
"Is he carrying a violin case?"
So I stepped out of my meeting (which was very important) to meet Steve Christmas, who looked wild-eyed and pissed off.
Steve Christmas was upset. Very upset. So I sat him down in an unused office (but not mine) and looked him in the eye.
"So how can I help you?"
Leaguers, our business is based upon the notion that people pay a fee for their online courses. Yes, yes... terribly evil. And if you believe that, I have a gentleman name of Steve Christmas who would like to be your friend.
"Why can't I see the online lectures?"
"We have a differential fee--"
"I don't like the fact that my tuition pays for these online classes to go up and I can't take them!"
"No, the fees you just said you didn't want to pay for covers our expenses."
"Oh. Well, those fees are expensive!"
"They sure are."
"I think I should have access to the online classes!"
"Aren't you already in the on-campus section?"
"Yes, but I want to see the online lectures!"
"but aren't you usually in on-campus classes?"
"Yes, but the cost is too high. I don't understand why you would make me a second class student!"
"THe President of the University and the Dean--"
"right. They want to make money. I understand. But the faculty goes too fast!"
"Tell him to slow down."
"I will! It'll slow down the video! Your online students will hate it!"
"Well, you know if he's going too fast, everybody would-"
"They're not going to like it when I keep interrupting the video to slow him down!"
Anyway, Steve tore into me for only about ten minutes, as I tried to explain that I am, in fact, a government schill, and that if he didn't like the fees or being in a studio classroom, that maybe he should take it up with the Dean as my livelihood depended upon these fees and these studios.
"You know, you're making a commodity out of education!"
"And just like all these tech jobs, somebody overseas is going to do this better than you, and cheaper!"
"And you're going to be out of a job, just like all the tech people!"
"I just hope, you know, you can live with that!"
"... okay... I'll try..."
"Because this isn't going to last."
By now Steve Christmas was either naturally one twitchy guy, or he was shaking angry at me for just saying "...okay.." to every one of his dire visions of doom. And I wasn't feeling well, and I had a lot of other stuff to do.
"You should probably talk to the dean of academic affairs. i don't set policy."
"Oh, right. Like he'll see me."
"Well, I don't know. But I don't really make any of these decisions."
"So you're just here to get yelled at." (it was not a question.)
"Well, i just want you to know, this isn't going to stand!"
And the whole time I'm calculating the likelihood of this guy having a knife under his coat, because he's getting twitchier and twitchier. But at this point, twitchy Steve Christmas kind of left in a rush.
I guess my office mates heard the whole thing. I went back to the meeting and sat down.
"You did the right thing," my director said, nodding sagely.
"Oh yeah, what's that?"
"You didn't let him talk to me."
Ah, government.
And the best part is, now I have to keep one eye open in case Steve Christmas shows up again. Last semester it was just a petition to have me sacked. I can't wait to see how Crazy Steve Christmas takes it to the next level.

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Shoemaker writes:

What time is love?



Dear Jeff,

Mel not exactly certain of concept of space or time. Mel confused by coming and going of people, but Mel use this to determine when things happen. For example. When radio come on all of a sudden when house is dark, is time for chubby man to let Mel go out to pee-pee. Then chubby man put on pants and go away. Lady come home at night and then she love me. Then man come home and play with Mel and toy.

What time is love?

Mel say you must leave that to Ancients of Mu Mu, but he suspect it around 3:00am.
Buffy writes:

Dear Melbotis,

i am writing to you as a last resort. i just don't know what to do anymore. everyday, i tell myself things are going to be different. i tell myself i can be good. but then i innocently wander into the laundry room and catch a glimps of black, white, or, especially, red satin. i turn my head away. i try desperately to pull myself out but then i figure one little sniff won't hurt. will it? just one little sniff of that precious piece just spilling over the top of the hamper. next thing i know i wake up four hours later, passed out, with my nose through the crotch of my mommy's underwear. when i realize what i've done, i panic. i hide it. underneath my bed, underneath her bed, underneath the couch. anywhere. and i tell myself it was only a momentary lapse. tomorrow i'll be good. oh! melbotis, what should i do? I can't take it anymore! i want to be a good girl, i really do. I just can't stop myself that from eating underwear crotches.

desperate to change,


Dear buffy,

Mel think Mel should preface response with assumption that buffy is a dog. If buffy is, say... a person... buffy beyond Mel's realm of experience. Mel has come to understand many publication can cater to your particular issue, but Mel probably not much help. Look for red, glowing sign reading "XXX". Mel thinks you stand to make good deal of money publishing in these magazines.

If buffy is dog, mel at least can try to help.

buffy, mel not particularly interested in much outside of ball, toy, towel, stupid dog next door, treat and two silly people with whom mel cohabitates. mel not have clothes aside from collar, but often see how people take them off and then go in shower place. In shower place, the people often begin to howl and yowl. When chubby man go in shower, often I hear him saying:

I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have
Been any clearer
If you wanna make the world
A better place
(if you wanna make the
World a better place)
Take a look at yourself, and
Then make a change
(take a look at yourself, and
Then make a change)
(na na na, na na na, na na, na nah)

Then man dry off with towel (but not fun chew towel), and rub his teeth with stick. He put on pants and say "goodbye, Mel. Be a good boy, today!" and Mel say "Okay" and then chubby man go away. Then white lady scream "Holy Christ! I'm late!" and run out door. And clothes smell like people, but so do everything else in smelly house, so mel don't much care. But he notice cat often sit in pants or hat. Es muy mysterioso.

So mel decide cat is formost expert on pants and chewing and ask cat "why for do you sit in the chubby man blue pant?" and cat say "Heeba weeba blah blah blue." So I try again. "Hey stupid cat-" but cat is rude and say "Wubba wubba woop woop wooooooo". Then cat try to bit me.

So mystery of panty must remain a mystery to Mel. how sad. but maybe your owner lady buy hamper and put clothes in drawer instead of leaving underwear out all over place. That mel suggestion.
Jamie woke up like a shot this morning and immediately declared "they're announcing the Oscar nominees!"

So we turned on the TV and dutifully watched Sigourney Weaver announce a few categories (they curiously didn't go into anything like "Best footwear in a Brazilan Industrial Video" or anything good).

Man, all I know is that on the eve of February 29th, I will be watching anything BUT the Oscars. I haven't seen, nor do I plan to see, any but three of the movies even mentioned.

I realize, I just don't care anymore. Let these maroons go pat themselves on the back and take up 8 hours of network time. I simply, absolutely, do not care who wins, or how pretty somebody's dress is. Thank god they aren't dragging it out for two months this year. Ugh.

Ask people "who won the Nobel Prize in Literature this year? Who won it for physics?" and they mock you. Ask them what dress Nicole Kidman had and they can tell you the color and designer.

I weep for the human species.

Monday, January 26, 2004

The Old Man kicks ass...

He's waiting for my mom to come out of the recovery room, and he's ansty but bored so he starts telling me about this book he's reading. The Old Man is reading Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon.

My Mom (The Kare Bear) is having back surgery this morning. I'm feeling a little stressed. She has really bad scoliosis, and they need to straighten her out so that when she's a little old lady, she's not shaped like a "v".

Anyhoo, they say she will take like a month to recover enough to even be mobile. Given the Kare Bear's usually hyper kinetic demeanor, this should be fun for The Old Man. The Old Man is taking time off from work to tend to the Kare bear, which should be interesting, because The Old Man finally merged with his job and became the Voltron of Finances for an oil company a few years ago. He may be a bit defenseless without his laptop and stat sheets.

I hope to get to Houston soon. In fact, I should probably buy tickets today. I need to be there, but my folks basically told me to not come, but it took me a long time to realize it was not a passive-aggressive attempt to get me to be there.

Brother Jason will go, then Cousin Sue. Then last but not least, shall be me. So hopefully I will be able to entertain The Old Man and put a smile on Recoverin' Kare Bear's face.

Anyone willing to wish my mum a "get well soon" may send her a message via Mel, and Mel will compile them for her.

Breakin' and poppin' with Pope John Paul
It's reasons like this that I'm almost embarassed to live in a democracy...

You never saw Stalin feeling he had to claim the Joementum.

There's nothing really wrong with this, it's just kind of funny.

Sunday, January 25, 2004


Thanks to Jim for this entry: Giant, adorable microbes