Showing posts with label DITMTLOD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label DITMTLOD. Show all posts

Monday, November 16, 2009

Brooksie Would Have Been 106

I have my favorites of the silver screen, and in college discovered silent-era star and bon-vivant, Louise Brooks (aka: Lulu, aka: Brooksie).

You may not know her name, but you know the look she institutionalized.

ArtMan 2112 posted an original drawing
of Louise Brooks at his site for her birthday, which was Saturday. And this got me thinking: I should probably mention Louise Brooks as a Dame in the Media The League Once Dug.

The Louise Brooks Society maintains a website and a blog as complete as I think you're going to find on any starlet of the silent film era.

I've only seen a few Brooks movies, but there's no doubt that she manages to steal the show in the films in which she appears (a bit like whenever Veronica Lake would bother to just show up in a frame of film).

There's also a fascinating documentary about Brooks called "Looking for Lulu", that's equal parts an amazing life story and fodder for a great movie that's never been made, following the tragic trajectory and surprising turn in Brooks' final years. Someone out there should be turning the story into the next great BioPic. But, holy cow, did it sound like Brooks was a handful, both as a starlet and still her declining years.

Brooks seems to have been the definitive Jazz Age Baby, and was the shadow opposite of Mary Pickford's curls and vestigial Victorian-era faux-virginal innocence (which ultimately ended her career in a completely different manner). Brooks was eclipsed by her contemporaries such as Clara Bow, who, you know, is her own thing and we do not complain.

Most famous for her roles in "Pandora's Box" (recommended), which gave her the nickname of her character, Lulu, and Prix de Beaute, Brooks had gone to Europe to act for Pabst, etc... Her attempted return to Hollywood didn't go particularly well.

I'm not exactly sure about the reasons, but if I had to guess:

breakfast is the most important meal of the day

Brooks would disappear after appearing in a few b-movies. I am not sure if a post-code Hollywood couldn't handle her, or if she had simply burned too many bridges. As near as I feel like relating what happened (rather than suggesting you check out the documentary), she more or less became a kept-woman, and I think the doc was politely suggesting she took up the world's oldest profession. It sounds like Brooksie may have been suffering from some emotional/ mental issues if diagnosed today.

Later, she would find some grace as she was accidentally discovered by a film enthusiast who referred her to the Kodak company in the 70's.

Brooks has been imitated to such a degree (its unclear if she invented bangs on women rather than girls, but she seems to have been the one to popularize the look), that she now exists more as archetype than person. Which is odd.

But I do find that small bit of redemption for Brooks at the end of her life (when it sounds like she was still a cutting pain-in-the-ass) to be an oddly romantic story. And, honestly, she was very good in what she did. Its unfortunate she never made the leap to talkies, but many, many did not.

So a belated birthday salute to Louise Brooks.

Coincidentally, if you find "Beggars of Life" on DVD (a legal copy), let me know. While the studios are doing a surprisingly good job of bringing stuff from the 40's and 50's to DVD, the silent era has been more or less ignored, as near as I can tell. Right now, the only way I can find to see a lot of these movies is on VHS, which... there's not even a deck in my house, so I'm out of luck, anyway.

I suspect as the catalogs of the studios become available on-demand, this sort of thing will be easier to obtain.

Friday, November 06, 2009

If this Existed, I Would Read It (update: It is real, I will read it)

fun with Photoshop at

Editor's Note: Dorian (author at Postmodernbarney) has written in to inform me that this is an actual book, not Photoshop at all! I am... amazed. And now will be seeking my very own copy. A trip to Half-Price before I buy from Amazon.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

The League Watches "V" (the 80's TV remake, not the comic movie)

Well, they jumped right into that, didn't they?

Apparently aware that everyone was going to already know the big plot twist from the original 80's-era TV mini-series of the same name, the new V bypasses what could have been convincing plot and character development to jump right into the Rag-Tag Band of Misfit Rebels portion, which marked the original incarnation's climax and eventual decline.

There are significant issues to investigate were we met by a highly advanced alien race, and rather than unfold these issues, the producers insisted on blasting right past all that. It just seems like such a bad choice to never give the audience the opportunity to fall for the aliens the way the public does in the original movie (back when it was an analogy for the Nazis making friends of their European neighbors).

It wasn't entirely awful, and didn't feel quite as hollow as the pilot for ABC's "Flashforward", although it was certainly trying.

I dunno. It has Elizabeth Mitchell. I'll give it another two or three episodes.

Elizabeth Mitchell is commandeering my TV until I'm positive I can't watch anymore

Friday, October 30, 2009

DITMTLOD (quasi-Halloween edition): Little Nell as Columbia in "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"

I swear I've been meaning to do this post for a couple of years, and always wanted to save it for Halloween.

Shortly after moving to Houston (just prior to the start of my sophomore year) I was renting a lot of movies. I hadn't really made friends yet, so my weekends had some time to fill, and I think my folks were just happy that I wasn't sitting around looking gloomy about having had moved if I was wearing out the heads on the VCR.

One fall weekend, I rented "The Rocky Horror Picture" show. I believe it had been an anniversary, and so there was a big to-do about the film's release on VHS.

I had been scheduled to see it at the Village with, I think, Carla G (Carla N, back then) before moving, but once KareBear caught wind of the shenanigans at the theater, I was informed I could wait until I could darn well drive myself.

It should also be noted that the theater at Northcross Mall in Austin (now gone) had been among the first in the country to have late-night screenings of Rocky Horror. So Austin was quite into the tradition back then.

I was already quite taken with the movie from the opening (featuring the lips of Patricia Quinn singing about "The Day the Earth Stood Still"), and was perfectly happy with the Time Warp prior to Columbia making her first appearance.

It was most likely Columbia's tap-dancing, glittered self that sparked my interest.

But I knew two things:
(a) Gold glittered hats now seemed like a much better idea and
(b) My folks must never, ever see this movie

The movie itself is a love letter to a kind of science fiction I'd only begun to discover via Mystery Science Theater 3000, and with which I was quickly becoming enamored. As a consumer of genre fiction, I got the set up, but a lot of the rest of the territory was not covered particularly well in other material I consumed. Omni-sexual mad scientists, fetishizing muscle men, and even Meatloaf were all fairly new to me...

But I was focusing a bit on the girl with the nasally voice and tap shoes.

As we all know, Columbia wasn't the only one who got one of these outfits

Unlike a lot of other DITMTLOD, Columbia is a supporting role in a single movie, so there isn't a whole truck load to say. Her character has a somewhat interesting arc in the movie, and she gets to fawn over a rockin' Meatloaf in the role of Eddie. And I guess I thought Eddie was pretty cool, too.

In many ways, I'm not entirely clear on why Columbia rather than Magenta or Janet.

Like a lot of other DITMTLOD, I really didn't have any analog for Columbia. Certainly none who tap-danced and sang. But, in general, she seemed like a neat idea. I also suspect that, at age 15, my developing brain was feverishly trying to cram ideas and firing synapses into into the correct spots in my psyche in something analogous to the the old board game, Perfection.

Anyway, whether it was her natural charm, her joie devivre, that she looked good in glitter and tap shoes, I've no idea, but I still have a warm place in my heart for Columbia.

You see a lot of Columbia costumes come Halloween time, at least for sale. Aside from wandering 6th street, you don't see all that many of them. I assume they're sold for use at performances of Rocky Horror, which, I might note, 20 years on, I still haven't seen.

Little Nell herself has been in a few movies, including the late 90's version of "Great Expectations" and the little-discussed sequel to Rocky Horror, 1981's "Shock Treatment", which I've never even seen on a shelf to rent. I have little understanding of her career or trajectory post-Rocky Horror, but she turns up in VH1 docs about the movie and that sort of thing, and I believe may work in clubs or restaurants.

But a Halloween salute to Columbia, in the movie which has become a Halloween favorite.

skip to around 2:12 to get right to Columbia

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Elvira at the Alamo

So, if it matters, no... I did not get to meet Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. There's a bit of tragedy to my tale.

I've talked about Elvira before at League of Melbotis, as a special October Dames in the Media the League Once Dug. Television icon, movie star and more... Elvira has outsurvived the vast majority of icons of the 1980's, when Elvira went from local LA curiosity to writer, star, rap artist, etc... of her own feature film.

Elvira had been invited to appear as a Guest of Honor for The Alamo's "Hey, Homo" series, and would host an evening at the Alamo Village further north in town, but Justin landed us tickets for her hosting of the 1988 feature "Elvira: Mistress of the Dark" at the Ritz.

I left work with a splitting headache, got a Powerade at the Wendy's and headed to Austin Books, where I ran into shop-owner Brad Bankston. Anyway, I almost lost track of time talking to Brad about all things awesome (dude, owns the best shop in Texas, or maybe The World. That's what happens), grabbed my comics and headed down to 6th Street.

I met Justin at LoveJoys (where I don't think I'd been since the mid-90's, but not much has changed). At 8:30 we got in line, and I believe Elvira arrived via limo at about 8:40 to wild applause, and we entered at 8:50.

For those not in the know, the way things work at the Alamo: you arrive early because they have a full menu and bar, so you can order food which arrives before and during the film (its not obtrusive, you just have to believe me). During that time, they show short films, videos, etc... tied to the movie. In fitting in with Elvira's past a B-movie hostess, we thrilled to a wide-array of 60's and 70's era low-budget horror movie trailers.

I was surprised Elvira didn't actually appear prior to the movie (except for calling down from her prize seat in a balcony), but I think it worked well. In a way, the 90 minute film was really a warm-up to the QA and appearance by Elvira which followed.

The movie is one I had only seen on home video, which Elvira explained a bit about. The movie did have a marketing push, but the week that the movie was to be released, distributor New World Pictures (former owners of Marvel Comics, natch) went bankrupt. This led to the movie not actually getting released in nearly as many theaters as originally intended, and it basically couldn't succeed.

However, I still think that the movie, especially once Elvira arrives to claim her inheritance, is pretty darn funny. And it has the best ending sequence. Ever.

I love a good musical number.

Yes, she was in full costume and character (although questions for Cassandra Peterson, her alter-ego, were inevitable). Yes, she looks exactly the same. I was pleased that Elvira was just as funny and sharp as ever, and rode that fine line of bawdy, brassy wacky and sweet that has been her trademark. Yes, all of that's apparently real.

That's a terrible picture

Elvira is a well-known animal-rights advocate, but it was hilarious to hear her complain about the poodles used in the production of the movie. And, you'll be happy to hear she still owns the Macabre Mobile.

Anyhow, afterward we were supposed to be able to go out and get in line to meet Elvira, get an autographed picture, DVD, etc... However.

The League had to go to Waco this morning by 9:00 for work. So, rather than get in line, I had to abandon my partner-in-crime, JAL, and head home. I wouldn't mind being a little sleepy, but that's almost four hours on the road and sleepy, and that's a terrible combo.

JAL, however, did not head home. And he made a new friend.

Reportedly, JAL landed me a signed photo, so I hope Jamie doesn't mind that finding its way onto my nightstand.

In addition to having a great time (thanks again for the tickets, Justin), I was glad to see what one of these events is like at the Alamo, and I think I'm a lot more likely to go back. The Elvira event, btw, sold out as fast as any other event they've had, in about ten minutes. Go figure.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Superman on a Boat, Wednesday Comics, Elvira at the Alamo, etc...

Working on some e-mail interviews for upcoming projects by Loyal Leaguers. More to come on that. In the interim, here's some other stuff.

Superfans: On a Boat?

Apparently someone is putting together a cruise for Superman Fans. A Cruise. I don't even know what to make of this.

Should The League be on a cruise with with other superfans? What would that be like? I can scarcely begin to guess.

Here's the promotional website.

From the Superman Homepage.

Sadly, a cruise is probably out of the question, anyway. Jamie can't do a cruise, so it's unlikely I would abandon her for several days of fun and super-snorkeling, etc... without her to go hangout with complete strangers. Even if they could land Noel Neill for the cruise.

I also have some questions about whether or not a cruise is the right way to express our Super-fandom. I'd think maybe something a bit more selfless would be a good way to stand up for Truth, Justice and the American Way (although taking a cruise in the name of a fictional hero does seem terribly American).

It's all very strange. Then again, I've never been on a cruise.

Wednesday Comics

This week sees the debut of DC's project "Wednesday Comics". If its been a while since you stepped foot in a comic shop, this would be a great week to do so. For a mere $3.99, you can get a tabloid-sized comic featuring the best and brightest in the genre/ industry.

I think Busiek is on GL. Stuff like that.

This week also sees a new issue of Superman: New Krypton and the fist official issue of the Green Lantern Mega-Event, "Blackest Night".

My nerd radar is going crazy.

USA Today is running the Superman section of Wednesday Comics online. View it here. (Flash is required)

A little forewarning: I'm kind of suspecting that these strips are more about the art than the content in some cases.

Rumble (by Ross)

Art for the upcoming Absolute Edition of the Jim Krueger/ Alex Ross comic "Justice".

I've been waiting something like four years for this Absolute Edition.

click for big screen awesomeness

Post from the DCU blog
with info on the book.

Elvira in Austin

So.... DITMTLOD, Cassandra "Elvira" Peterson, will be at the Alamo in July.

I need your help. You all know I adore The Mistress of the Dark, but I don't see myself getting to both Elvira screenings.

Should I go to see Elvira on Tuesday (the show with the better location and showing time)? Click here.

Or should I go to see Elvira on Wednesday at the Ritz for a late show, but with the movie I prefer of her two starring vehicles? Click here.

And... Who wants to join me on this adventure? Let me know which flick you want to catch!

I do not see any reason here why I would not wish to attend

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Carmen Miranda, Old Comics, Transformers

DITMTLOD: Carmen Miranda

Why don't we have entertainers anymore like Carmen Miranda? She's attractive, can sing and has a wide variety of fascinating hats.

I guess we got too fancy for the likes of Carmen Miranda and her hats, what with our rock'n'roll, internets and whatnot. But how can you not like Ms. Miranda? At one point, she was considered to be quite the bees knees. She was, after all, lampooned by Bugs Bunny and was in a great number of films, representing what was considered to be the fun times to be had with our neighbors to the south (Miranda was actually Brazilian).

You Shall Die By Your Own Evil Creation

It is too late. I am going to start an indie band just to name my second album after this new book (I keep pitching the band name "The Invincible Monster Men" to Jason, but he isn't biting). You can not use that name for your album (or band).

Anyhow, the first book (both collect the works of forgotten comic artist Fletcher Hanks) was pretty much mind-bending.

One issue that many comic geeks like myself have is that new stuff is but a photocopy of a photocopy, that we're so familiar with convention as fans, and fans as artists and writers, that its easy to argue that the wild creativity that fueled the engine of the creation of the superhero genre has been mostly lost. Imagine being at the start of a genre where there really aren't many rules yet, and you only kind of care, but you have to turn in pages... Anyway, its a wild, unmanaged sort of creativity that's being discovered here in in the 21st Century after being almost completely forgotten for 65 years-ish.

I strongly suspect its what so many of us love about Kirby's-latter-career stuff. The guy was so unselfconscious and was able to spin out a mind-bending story as someone who had helped build the medium, so he might as well continue to define it (and he did).

Sadly, Fletcher Hanks disappeared out of comics relatively quickly, and had a fairly rough life.

I don't know exactly why Hanks' stuff works for me, but it does.

Transformers 2

Was clocking a 26% at at last check.

Is it possible someone noticed that Bay can not direct actors or action sequences, comedy or drama? And that you can't really tell what's happening in the big-ticket action scenes?

Or is it just the case that in a sequel, once the shine of the original is off, that we sort of need a story this time around?

Best of luck to the GI Joe movie.

Best of Luck to South Carolina

Do you have any idea how much I wish my governor would go missing?

Sunday, June 14, 2009

No Monday Post

So, in the meantime, ponder the majesty of Electra Woman and Dyna Girl

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

In Dallas, rockin' your face off

I'm in Dallas. Today's workday was okay but weird.

Not much to report other than that I finally went to a Starbucks to use their free wi-fi, and it wasn't free. I wound up paying $4 to use the internet. And while I felt I needed to use the internet, I was somehow maybe a little offended that it cost me money. This hotel isn't charging me for internet. I was always under the impression Starbuck's wi-fi was free... and yet... maybe I was wrong? That seems impossible.

Anyway, no big worries, but it messes with how I think of my access to technology and what I will and will not pay for.

It sounds like Jamie had her hands full with Cassidy last night. I'm usually the one who is up and down with Cassidy at night her first night at the house. I don't mind. She's so spunky when she wakes me up, its sort of jolly.

I'm off to work some and read. Have a good night.

I leave you with the ROLCats

Late Edit: This from "The Onion". Lovecraftian School Board Member Wants Madness Added To Curriculum

And, apropos of nothing... a DITMTLOD Microburst:

Juliet on ABC's Lost is just a good idea all the way around.

Friday, December 12, 2008

RIP Bettie Page

Even if you didn't know her name, it's most likely you knew the face (etc...) of Bettie Page.

Ms. Page was a pin-up model of the 1950's, who occasionally posed not just for standard cheesecake faire, but also for some racier and edgier material that became a hot item among collectors. Page gained notoriety as she appeared in Playboy and eventually found herself subpoenaed to testify on the adult publication industry of the 1950's (congressmen were really into making a name for themselves in the 50's by calling hearings for all sorts of cultural/ moral issues which appealed to the easily outraged).

Much of Page's mystique springs from how the model basically quit the biz and disappeared off the cultural map for decades, leaving behind a look as iconic as Louise Brooks, or even her contemporaries such as Marilyn Monroe (or Harlow or Mansfield).

Oddly, there is a comics-bent to all this as Dave Stevens (who died in March), creator of the Rocketeer, was semi-obsessed with Page, using her as a model in his work. Jennifer Connolly would go on to play the role Stevens had modeled after Page in the Disney movie of The Rocketeer (which I love. You should rent it). Stevens eventually tracked down Page, who was apparently unaware of her cult status, and who chose not to be photographed so her fans would remember her as the smiling face they knew, forever young.

The 1990's and 00's saw a resurgence of Page collectibles, merchandise, and rock-a-billy chicks took on Page's look. Quite the cultural footprint for someone who was never a movie star, what-have-you.

Sadly, Ms. Page passed away this week at age 85. While her body and spirit have joined with the infinite, she has left an eternal legacy of people pausing longer than necessary when they stumble upon her photographs.

More on Page here.

We love you, Bettie. You'll be missed.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

DITMTLOD Special: Robot Ladies of Interest Part 2

So... looks like we got derailed with the whole Matrix discussion last week. That's all right. It's probably an important movie in a lot of ways, and the discussion it engenders is probably a sign of the movie being better than I give it credit for.

But we're not here to talk about the Matrix today. We're here to puzzle over that oddest of topics: The Robot Ladies of Interest

Alice Krig as the Borg Queen in Star Trek: First Contact

I'm sort of on the fence with this one. ST; First Contact isn't one of my favorite movies, and I think Krig's character was more interesting as a special effect than as an actual character. But if you were a fan of the Trek series, her character added a new dimension to both The Borg and Data.

Technically, Borg aren't really robots. They're organic beings being piloted by robotic intelligence in a hive mind. I figure there's enough intersection on the mental Venn-Diagram that it's okay to cover our friends, The Borg.

But, really, if we want to talk Borg, we want to talk Seven of Nine.

Jeri Ryan as Seven of Nine on Star Trek, Voyager

ST: Voyager was struggling in the ratings on the fledgling UPN network (now defunct). The show was a bit dull, from some perspectives (mine), as its primary conceit was leaving behind the very rich environment of the Star Trek corner of the galaxy. This was problematic. Star Trek: The Next Generation was the best rated syndicated show in history, and UPN executives had expected their new show to carry their network until other shows caught on.

Producers seemed to have decided that the primary reason the show wasn't doing well was that the show was missing a certain element.

Three guesses what they thought the show was missing prior to Ryan's arrival.

I can't talk too much about Voyager, Ryan, Seven of Nine, etc... I didn't watch the show and saw the move to drop in a character in a shiny, skin tight suit as suspect at best (no, seriously). But Ryan's arrival on the show did, in fact, boost ratings. So say what you want about Sci-Fi audiences, I guess. They're an easy enough read.

Battlestar Galactica Reboot

In college I became nostalgic for a show I remember watching as a very young kid, Battlestar Galactica. For its time, and certainly for 1970's TV, it was a pretty awesome show. However, by 1997, when I watched it again... not so much.

After decades of attempted reboots, about five years ago someone finally re-did BSG and added what the original had been sorely lacking: really attractive Cylons.

Enter: Tricia Helfer as "Six". A robot seductress who tricks a top earth scientist into helping the Cylons wipe out the outerspace colonies.

an understandable error

Well, apparently that wasn't enough.

The show went on to introduce several models of humanoid Cylons, including Grace Park as Sharon, and Lucy Lawless as D'Anna.

If this is the doom that awaits me by steely, robot hearts... I am okay with that.

BSG is a surprisingly smart show, and unlike your average syndicated sci-fi program, there's a point to the Cylons' human appearance. I came in to the show too late to keep up, but what I have seen, I've really liked.

Motoko Kusanagi in Ghost in the Shell

Yes, she's animated, but Motoko Kusanagi is a terrific character in a phenomenal movie. Just don't ask me what the hell's up with the ending.

It's a dark future in Japan (is there any other kind?) and the Japanese military/ police force has created a cyborg unit to keep up with the level of crime their having to deal with.

I saw this one on my own in the theater one night in college at The Dobie. It's a hell of a movie, visually, if the story is a bit muddy. I guess they've turned it into a whole franchise, but I haven't kept up.

The manga and anime of Ghost in the Shell would go on to be highly influential to the genre. It's tough to point to specific examples in American film where they've managed to evoke the same design, exploration of AI, etc... If anything, I'd say Blade Runner had a huge impact on the look, tone and issues of this movie.

Here's some music video that used Ghost in the Shell animation. Beware, non-sexual nudity is included.

Terminator 3 and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

I'm, like, legally obligated to mention Terminator 3, because it did star a woman as the base form for one of the shape-shifting sort of Terminators you saw in T2. But I really didn't like T3, so I don't want to talk about it (can you tell I was a little disappointed?).

I don't care

The lady Terminator was played by... you know what? It doesn't matter. She's gone on to be in a bunch of really goofy and forgettable stuff I hope you haven't seen. The producers felt T3 was so irrelevant that they used a neat narrative trick in the pilot of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles to render T3 completely irrelevant.

Speaking of T:tSCC, remember 90's band Garbage? No? Well, you guys missed out. They had some good tunes. Anyway, their singer, Shirley Manson, has hung up her mic and moved on to play Catherine Weaver, a cyborg who has taken the place of a millionaire industrialist in order to further the evil, robot agenda.

Only happy when it rains...

The Sarah Connor Chronicles demonstrates the richness of the Terminator franchise once its been divorced from the star wattage of Governor Arnie. Look, I love Arnie as much as the next child of the 80's, but if he was attached to the franchise, the promise of time travel + robots just wasn't going to be fully achieved.

And now, we have Shirley Manson creeping me out.

PLUS, we have Summer Glau as Cameron Phillips/ Baum, a Terminator unit reprogrammed by future John Connor to go back in time and protect modern-day John Connor. Glau might be recognized from her work in Whedon's Firefly series where she played "River Tam". She was also in a spectacularly bad Sci-Fi original movie "Mammoth".

Wouldn't be Terminator without a steely stare and a messed up face

The show is using the long format of a weekly series to look into the actual character of a Terminator as it continues to learn as it lives among humans. The cast is very good, even the younger players.

Plus, the show features lots of robot fights. Nigh weekly. And, also, Glau is foxy.

That's it for this post.

If you guys have any robots I might have missed, pipe up. We'll do a Leaguer special!

Monday, December 01, 2008

A DITMTLOD Special: Robot Ladies of Interest (Part 1)

I'm going to go ahead and put a disclaimer on this one:

1. I find this whole enterprise kind of embarrassing for reasons I cannot begin to articulate.

2. Ladies, if you value your own sanity, it might be best if you sat this one out. You're not going to like this post one bit. Any reading you do below, you do at your own risk.

3. This whole thing is pretty spoiler-laden. I wind up accidentally giving away a lot of plot on all movies/ characters discussed.

On to the pain.

Historically, the first robot lady of interest that we can probably trace back to in Western Culture is probably Galatea, the woman brought to life by Pygmalion from a statue. There are all sorts of contexts in which the story is reviewed, some more flattering than others, and most certainly influenced by both the intention of the teller of the tale's vision (romantic tale, tale of hubris, etc...), and certainly the popular view of gender relations in which a tale is told. In today's society, it may seem difficult for readers to get past the easy reads of Pygmalion's misogyny that the story hinges on.

But more to our point: Sexy Lady Robots.

The first of which I can probably think of in film would be Fake-Robot-Maria from Fritz Lang's "Metropolis".

Basically, it's the future and all the rich folks live in palaces miles above the Earth, while everybody else toils below. Maria is a community organizer of sorts who is giving the worker bees hope (and a rich dude falls for her). An evil scientist guy has built a robot to take the place of his lost love, but disguises the robot as Maria, who he's kidnapped.

Anyway, instead of whining about the poor, Robot Maria ruins Human Maria's credibility as she ascends to the towers of the rich and parties it up. Actress Brigette Helm plays both roles (evil and good Maria) exceedingly well, and sets up Evil Robot Maria as a Robot Lady of Interest (RLI) as early as 1927.

I don't know how hard you have to party before you wind up in this situation, but that robot is programmed to get her crunk on.

Keep in mind, the term "robot" came into the parlance as late as 1921 thanks to Czeck playwright Karel Capek's play "Rossum's Universal Robots". It's generally thought to be the first appearance of the word "Robot", although "automaton" had appeared previously.

Depending on your definition, one could also include Elsa Lanchester as "The Bride" in 1935's "Bride of Frankenstein". I'm mostly including her because, due to the hair-don't the Bride sports, Lanchester is often overlooked.

Made for each other?

I'm not as familiar with pulp science-fiction as I should be, so I'm going to leave a big old gap here that could certainly be filled with all kinds of paperbacks and magazine stories about robot love.

1973's "Westworld" featured life-like robots which would join in all sorts of adult shenanigans with the tourists. Yeah, I found that a little yicky, even as a kid when I first saw the movie. But if you make it through that portion, the movie gets really awesome really fast.

The 1975 film "The Stepford Wives" is a bit of weirdness we can all enjoy (I've not seen the remake). A movie that's a refelction of its time, the Stepford Wives big reveal is that the reason the wives seem so perfect in the Stepford enclave? When the wives become problematic, the husbands replace them with robots.

So, basically, yeah, it was a horror movie for NOW-era feminists, with a less abstract threat to represent the specter of the lives many felt would be foisted upon them if the push for women's lib wasn't successful. Just, you know, in a cheesy way, with robots. But there's a reason the term "Stepford Wives" is ingrained in our vocabulary. Worth checking out.

The 1980 film Galaxina seems to include a robot who is intended to be eye-candy in what seems to be a comedy. The titular character was played by the lovely, but doomed actress/ model Dorothy Stratten. I've never seen the film, so I don't have much to say about it.

I haven't seen the movie, but here's a pretty strong pitch for checking it out.

We've already covered Sean Young as Rachael in Blade Runner.

As I write this, I realize Blade Runner should really get it's own post, but what are you going to do?

Blade Runner features several androids, including Rachael, Pris and Zhora. If you don't know the plot, (a) I pity you. Get a DVD player. (b) It's about a detective who must track down several renegade "replicants", basically flesh and blood robots with pre-programmed minds and a four-year lifespan. One of my favorites of all time.

Pris was played by Darryl Hannah, who... well, who did all kinds of crazy film work in the 1980's, but whose profile dropped a bit in the 1990's. I'm not sure why she isn't used more. She's lovely enough without a mermaid tail, and I always liked her. But what do I know? (answer: nuthin')

We don't know why it works. It just does.

Joanna Cassidy played Zhora, some sort of former soldier-droid, I believe.

Your mileage on naked robots covered in glitter and draped with snakes may vary

Zhora doesn't get much screen time, and viewers may note that she looks particularly weird during her death scene. Well, that's some stunt-person in a fright wig and plainly not Joanna Cassidy. According to sources I've read, documentaries, etc... nobody was happy with how that turned out. But when you're watching the scene, she looks so weird during her death, its kind of disquieting.

Before that sequence when she's talking to Deckard... maybe less disquieting.

Kelly LeBrock as Lisa in "Weird Science".

I'm not sure if she's a robot, but she is some sort of computerized artificial construct, right? Anyway, kudos to John Hughes for one of the weirdest and oddly non-skeeviest teen comedies (that, from its premise, should have been in there with "Hamburger: The Motion Picture").

"Lisa" (probably named for Apple's early-era personal computer) was the result of two nerds' hacking back in the 1980's when computers were about as accessible as atom smashers. Thank God for icon-based interfaces, says I. Back then, it seemed entirely reasonable that two motivated teenagers might accidentally create Kelly LeBrock on their computer while their parents were out of town.

What couldn't you do with a 2400 baud modem?

If you've never seen "Weird Science", it's a teen-classic. We'll revisit this movie some other time, because, darn it, I love "Weird Science". And Kelly LeBrock. Who unfortunately was married to Steven Seagal for a while. What must that household have been like?

Nevermind. I don't want to know.

That's it for this installment. More later this week. We'll get to BSG, Terminator and more.

But from the 1980's and earlier, what did I miss? Help a brother out...

Friday, November 07, 2008

DITMTLOD: Ellen Greene as Audrey in "Little Shop of Horrors"

I've actually mentioned I should do a post on this person/ character three times here at LoM. Here, here and here, so I figured I owed her a post.

When I was in sixth grade, my middle school experienced a bomb scare.

There was, of course, no actual bomb. But administrators were required to clear the school in the extremely unlikely occurence that we were victims of a Mad Bomber whose only real demands could have been adding a Slush Puppy machine to the cafeteria.

What I remember most is that the call came late in the day, so the principal had to send us home before we could re-enter the school and grab our bags, etc... So no homework. I learned to love a good bomb threat.

That night we were sort of left staring at one another at the Steans house as not having homework on a school night was a completely alien concept. The Admiral, looked out from behind his copy of the paper long enough to ask if anyone wanted to see a movie. Jason by-passed the chance, and so The Admiral and I headed off to Showplace 6 to catch "Little Shop of Horrors".

I grew up going to a lot of plays, and so, unlike a lot of my counterparts, I did not grow up thinking musicals were weird. And that may have been around when I figured out that musicals are not everybody's cup of tea.

To the point of a "DITMTLOD" post, "Little Shop of Horrors" didn't just feature music I liked, or a huge, talking plant (which I recall The Admiral imitating upon occasion after seeing the movie with a "Feed me, Seymour!" non-sequitor or two), it also featured Broadway star Ellen Greene as Audrey, Seymour's love interest.

Somewhere that's green

At age 12, I was not privvy to some of the jokes of the film, but I do recall getting the extended gag of "somewhere that's green" of Audrey's dream of living inside a Better Homes and Gardens magazine. I also didn't really understand the coding of Audrey's slinky dress, bouffant 'do, etc... but that didn't mean I did not appreciate the slinky dresses.

It takes seeing Greene in other roles to understand that (a) Audrey is a complete cartoon manifestation Greene put on, and (b) she's actually a talented actor and doesn't just play the same role over and over a la Tom Cruise or Arnie. She popped up in the recently reviewed "Pump up the Volume", ABC's "Pushing Daisies" and a whole bucket of other stuff, including Leon (aka: The Professional).

The character of Audrey, like Seymour, believes herself to be a loser due to the circumstances which landed her on Skid Row. It's kinda non-specific, but it makes the audience pull for her as someone so down, she doesn't think she deserves any better than a nitrous-abusing sadomasochistic dentist (played awesomely by Steve Martin in the film). She, of course, is terribly sweet and doesn't think she's good enough for our film's hero, Seymour (who also thinks he's not good enough for her. Go figure).

Ellen Greene has a terrific voice, which is terribly divergent from the lilting, post-Marilyn voice with a minor speech impediment she affects as Audrey. You might remember this scene:

Suddenly Seymour!

Anyway, I still think Ellen Greene did a great job with the role, which she'd originated on Broadway and would take to LA and, I think, London. And, she may have set in motion an interest in skinny blonds that continues to this day, but who knows... I am sure, as a tuba playing comic dork, I sorta felt that if a dame like Audrey could secretly dig on Seymour, there was hope for me yet. I just was far less likely to uncover those feelings in song.

Greene (who is not blond) continues to perform in TV, films, cuts records and is generally still very busy. Because she is rarely in anything with robots or ninjas, our paths don't often intersect. However, you can hear more of her on her website (beware the automatically loading audio file). The website hasn't been updated in a long while, but I assume that's because Greene is otherwise occupied.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The League Revisits: Pump Up the Volume (and DITMTLOD)

In 1990 the Steans Clan packed up our stuff and moved from Austin to Houston. The Admiral had transferred to what turned out to be a pretty good job. Like a lot of high schoolers, I was less than thrilled to change schools. I'd already put in the leg work with three years of middle school and a year of high school with the people I'd expected to endure until I escaped to college. Now I'd have to start all over again.

What would be odd, as per my living situation, was that we were leaving Jason behind in Austin. It was sort of like deciding the family dog was too old and wouldn't like the new arrangement, so you leave it with the neighbors. He was to finish out his Senior year rather than slog through a new school just in time to graduate.

Shortly after we arrived in Houston, the newest Christian Slater flick "Pump up the Volume" made its way to the Loew's theater a few miles from the house, right by the blimp hanger. It piqued my interest for two reasons (a) I was a big fan of "Heathers", and (b) it featured Pirate Radio.

Jason had spent some time in prior years trying to figure out how to set up a pirate radio broadcast out of his bedroom. Eventually, he abandoned the idea, I think due to legal concerns (not wanting to go to jail).

At the time, I loved the movie. It had teenagers talking about teen-agery type stuff. It had a pirate radio station. Christian Slater stuck it to The Man (ie: the crusty principal), and mostly, circa 1990 Samantha Mathis.

Oh, Samantha Mathis, your art-school girl chic made my heart pitter-patter

"Pump up the Volume" may or may not have been the original name for the movie. But it's a terrible title and suggests a late 80's break dancing movie. I have suspicions this was some MC Hammer-inspired tweaking when someone from marketing realized that they were marketing a movie to teens that didn't feature music that it was, at the time, perceived that teens listened to.

The soundtrack features Concrete Blonde, Leonard Cohen (I think), the Pixies and others of the late 80's, early 90's, pre-Nirvana music scene, and starts by establishing Slater's character's cred with his record collection. All on cassette. Because I think in 1990, I knew one person with an actual CD player.

The movie, really, hinges on technology and the Newsweek-covered hot button parental issues of the era. Today's teens would see a neolithic world before cell phones, internet lines, and when teenagers with their own computers were a pretty darn rare commodity. Only one character has a computer in their room during the course of the movie (and he dies!).

Re-made today, no doubt the idea would basically be a well-run website with illegally distributed MP3's, a chat room, some e-mail, and podcasts of Mr. HHH. At the time, the idea of just anybody taking to the airwaves was considered extremely difficult and illegal. (I should pause here to give a mad shout out to the 1993-1994 residents of Jester West, 12th floor. Patrick and Jeff put together a small radio broadcaster from scrap parts and their TV antenna. Jester briefly enjoyed the rockin' tunes of Jester Pirate Radio. Until, that is, we wanted to watch TV again. And, yeah, they let me on the air once or twice. And I was awesome.)

The hot button issues of the day were teen pregnancy and teen suicide. The suicide angle kind of also explains the entirety of "Heathers", and the tune from Heathers: Big Fun's "Teenage Suicide (Don't Do It)". Anyhoo, the switch to the real drama of the movie occurs when some kid kills himself because Slater didn't tell him not to. The witch-hunting overreaction by parents as part of the sequence is still actually pretty darn accurate.

As a 33 year old watching this movie, one winds up feeling less like Christian Slater is speaking for you (or anyone). It comes across more as a lot of teen angsting, talking about how the whole world is screwed up and needs change, but there aren't a lot of specifics regarding what needs changing. Slater eventually winds up spouting this really crazy diatribe about how the earth and trees need healing... and uncensored pirate radio, I guess.

None of it really makes a lot of sense, unless you consider Slater's character was just moved from NYC to what was a stand in for Paradise Valley, Arizona circa 1990. In which case, the dissatisfaction is all too rational.

In order to provide the audience with an actual antagonist that isn't just Slater V. Society-at-Large, there's a cockamamie scheme cooked up in which the Principal is magically expelling teenagers with lower SAT scores so she can keep up some sort of public funding for the school. It's a little convoluted, and really tangential to whatever is supposed to be going on with Slater's pirate radio show. And suggests that this is a school in which no parents are involved, and nobody fears a lawsuit.

Probably the two weirdest moments in the movie belong to Samantha Mathis, whose character suddenly goes topless in one scene (something I cheered during my first viewing as I believed the movie to be PG-13). And, as a plot point, we learn she's failing high school math. Which... is unintentionally hilarious.

Failing math = Not terribly attractive

The movie is oddly ham-handed in other ways.

-Hip-hop is used as a sign that the kids are getting too rebellious for the likes of the ever-crusty faculty.

-Slater's character drops a half-dozen clues that would immediately identify him as HHH. Mr. Magoo could unravel the mystery.

-And there's a lot of insinuations that (a) this is the least happy bunch of privileged kids EVER, and (b) something is very, very wrong at Harding High, but they manage to make it through the 102 minute runtime without ever saying WHAT is wrong.

In many ways, I'm left peppering the movie with the same "What?" that I usually reserve for movies like "D War Dragon Wars".

The ending is absolutely ludicrous, with Slater and Mathis hauled off in a paddywagon, sure to go to jail for some vague moral victory. I'd worry more about her future, but with that "F" in Math, I'm not sure that Mathis's character couldn't use the focused environment of prison in which to get her GED.

And, of course, a million kids supposedly take to the airwaves with their own pirate radio shows... The end

The Internet has, of course, taught us what teenagers and adults will do with a public forum. If this blog is any indication, it hasn't healed the rocks and trees, and its mostly given nutjobs like myself a bull pulpit from which we can espouse our half-baked sasquatch theories.

Still, it's got Samantha Mathis.

This look of loving concern at our hero's exploits is the opposite of what I was used to from the ladies of KOHS. Change this more to a look of disapproval.

A brief DITMLOD: Samantha Mathis as "Nora Diniro"

I'm not ashamed to admit that in middle and high school, I had my eye on the stripey sock girls. Give me a girl in an over-sized black sweater and clunky black shoes, and any young lady automatically got a second look (this predates all the Marilyn Manson co-option of the art-school girl stuff, which... doesn't work so much for me).

The look showed up in a few movies. Sort of sported by Winona Ryder in "Heathers". Absolutely seen by the female lead in cult classic "Three O'Clock High". But I still think Mathis does it best.

Despite 13 long years of loyalty, Jamie seems to get a little jealous whenever this previous fascination is brought up. I think Jason initially revealed my old achilles heal to Jamie, and every once in a while it becomes a point of contention that I did not fancy Jamie before I had, in fact, met Jamie.

Whatever. Jamie loves 1988 Greg Louganis.

Anyhoo, yes. As a teenager I thought Samantha Mathis was the bee's knees. She was cute, did the stripey sock thing very well, was occasionally topless, and, to a kid who'd just moved and went weeks in a new school without talking to anyone... the idea that such a girl was hiding under a rock somewhere at KOHS was deeply appealing.

That is not to say that KOHS was devoid of awesome ladies (you know who you are). But, you know, we were sadly lacking in Samantha Mathisii.

I should of just learned that the girls who smoked behind the school at lunch were more fun...


I salute thee, Samantha Mathis as "Nora Diniro". You left an indelible impression upon my youthful psyche.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

round-up/ Cyd Charisse

hey, Leaguers!

Well, its been an odd week. In fact, the past two weeks have been sort of oddly... filled. For a guy who has no job, I don't feel like I've had any lack of stuff to do.

It seems that no sooner do we kick housemate Nicole to the curb (Hi, Nicole!) than we're going to rotate in pal-Heather W. Heather is a longtime associate of all at League HQ, and stood for Jamie when we got married. So we go back. She's in grad school in Lubbock, but earned an externship at St. David's this summer in speech therapy/ pathology, so she's going to be crashing in Nicole's room. I'd better wash the sheets and perform that exorcism to rid the room of the evil spirits Nicole left behind.

Last week we were fortunate enough to hang out with Letty's brother, in from Paris. We wound up first going to Black's BBQ in Lockhart (Texas BBQ Capital). A few days later, we wound up at a Vietnamese place off Rundberg.

You already know about the trip to the museum (w/ Lauren).

Friday Jamie, Jason and I went to a Round Rock Express game with my Uncle, who is in town visiting Cousin Sue. I love me a good baseball game. And I believe the magic of my rally cap was what turned the tide of the game (Express over Memphis, 9-7).

Saturday night Jamie and I packed a picnic dinenr of sorts and headed out to Zilker Park to see the Austin Civic Orchestra. The show was a lot of fun. Casual, if not informal. With the first set a tribute to Leroy Anderson. The second half was a "tribute to film heroes", ie: lets play film scores so rubes from the suburbs will come in. And, of course, I knew they were going to play Indiana Jones and Superman, and they did great with both.

I think we'll be looking at hitting their new season next fall.

This weekend we also saw Hulk, hit Barton Springs, cooked some hot dogs and hung out with Matt and Nicole. Tuesday I hung out with Uncle Donald (aka Unky D) who was in town. We caught a movie, visited a bit, and grabbed some dinner.

All in all, a pretty decent few days.

Sadly, performer and dancer Cyd Charisse has passed away.

I only really know Ms. Charisse from one movie, "Singin' in the Rain". Which is, btw, one of my favorite flicks. In no small part because of Ms. Charisse. And if you have to ask why I like Ms. Charisse, well...

hubba hubba

Godspeed, Ms. Charisse.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

DITMTLOD: Like a virus

In a single 24 hour period, two bloggers of note have picked up the banner of discussing their celebrity crushes of yesteryear.

Over at, Steven G. Harms has finally made good on his promise to produce a list of Dames in the Media he Once Dug. You can check it out here.

Steven's list in quite comprehensive, going so far as to include one entirely fictional persona. And I think he does a great job of identifying ladies of considerable interest of the 1990's, including the cartoon character.

Completely unrelated to The League, over at comic blog "Occasional Superheroine", Valerie has listed a chronological accounting of her celeb crushes. I'm fairly certain Valerie has never stumbled upon, nor read LoM, so its interesting to see the concept materialize on other blogs, especially in list format. It must be in the zeitgeist.

Somehow its more telling when you see the list rather than individual DITMTLOD, I think.

So I challenge all Leaguers to either publish your own list, or send me yours. Make it specific. Ladies of the 90's? Dudes of Glam Rock? I don't care. Send 'em in.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

A DITMTLOD special report: Sarah Jessica Parker = Not Teh Sexy?

Apparently Maxim, the magazine for guys too cowardly to justgooutandbuysomepornfortheloveofmike, has put out a list of female celebrities who are assumed to be sexy in the media, but with whom Maxim begs to differ.

They've presented a list of the 5 Unsexiest Women Alive.

There are two gut reactions to this list:

1 - Oh, those poor women.
2 - HA ha ha ha ha ha. (pause) BWAH HA HA HA HA HA.

The League believes both reactions are appropriate. It can't be fun to be Sandra Oh and to wake up one morning to find out you've been deemed one of the 5 Unsexiest Women Alive. I would say she's never really tried for sexy, but I have cable, and I once stumbled across "Dancing at the Blue Iguana". And it was not the gritty slice of life picture it was trying to be. It was so dull, I made it only long enough to see Sandra Oh in it, say something negative about Arli$$, and move on.

What is interesting is that Sarah Jessica Parker tops the list. For many a year, fans of the show "Sex in the City" have insisted that SJP was everything that a sexy, independent, urban-chic woman should be.

Others on the list are a bit more obvious.

Coming in at #5 is trainwreck Britney Spears, the subject of last night's highly disturbing episode of South Park.

#4: Madonna. Who sort of quit being sexy right after "Express Yourself", just as she was gearing up to try to chastise America for not wanting to be sexy with her, leading to her eventual move to the UK, where she morphed into a Disney villain.

#3: Sandra Oh. Poor, sad, Sandra Oh. Who is just trying to be a working actress, for chrissake.

#2: Amy Winehouse. Because a crack-smoking 20-something burning away her talent with the crystal meth and deeply in need of an intervention in public is funny-sad, and in no way sexy.

So why does SJP hit #1? She's together. She's got a career that hasn't involved becoming a public nuisance. There are plenty of other actresses who are unconventional for TV and the big screen.

All of the women on the list are generally attractive, I suppose. But that's not really what Teh Sexy means.

In many ways, we have no idea who Sarah Jessica Parker is, but we do know who Carrie Bradshaw is. And, according to the editors of Maxim, is it possible that it is not SJP, but Carrie Bradshaw that has been found wanting? Is it possible that Carrie bradshaw, and not SJP, has been deemed the least sexy woman alive?

Is it a schizm between what fans of the program feel is sexy and fun versus what frat boys who can't work up the courage to buy real porn find sexy? Does SJP not fit within the mold of the typical Maxim girl? (20, in her underwear, and apparently just come in from out of the rain?) No doubt that's part of the case.

To some extent, sure... the women on the list don't really meet the imaginary standards of the girls in Maxim. Young, somewhat coltish and seemingly available to the kind of guy who might pick up Maxim, anyway. And different kinds of guys like different kinds of girls. I don't think Tina Fey would show up for a Maxim photoshoot.

I have gone on record, stating that I understand that Nicole Kidman is supposed to be gorgeous, but I have yet to find a dude who considers her a Dame in the Media they Might Dig. I see the high cheek bones, the huge eyes, the perfect skin... but what is there to hang onto? Perhaps a different case from Sarah Jessica Parker, who is a bit less conventional, but it is an example of someone that the Entertainment Tonight's and TMZ's of the world would insist that we all must be ga-ga over. But are we? Who made that decision?

Is it a case of what I shall call "The Julia Roberts Effect"? Where the press insists that we all find someone fascinating and beautiful, when, really... meh. That might be what women relate to, or even aspire to, but...

But, mostly, I sort of think Sex in the City, despite the promise of the name of the show, was a major turn-off.

Not Teh Sexy?

Fans of Sex in the City love Carrie Bradshaw because she wears cute outfits that are not office appropriate. She gets in daffy, messy romantic entanglements with sensitive guys who want to work things out. When they don't work out, she learns a little life lesson and/ or is able to re-assert the fabulousness that the show promises regarding her lifestyle. She has a big apartment in Manhattan and great shoes and seems to afford the cost of it all by writing one column a week where she talks about the thing she knows and loves best: herself. She has friends who she doesn't work with who can always make it for lunch, and nobody minds that they all get wrapped up in each other's very personal business (nor do the boyfriends seem to mind that every intimate detail is openly discussed). She goes out every night of the week. Through countless sexual and romantic entanglements in the show's run, nobody was ever really hurt. Nobody ever seemed to actually react in the kind of crazy ways people do when real entanglements come to an end. And, anyone who has seen as few episodes as I've seen would still know that at the end of the day Mr. Big was there as the safety net, the safe guy who would always be there when our heroine got done sowing her oats and decided she wanted for someone else to pay for her expensive shoes.

And they call superhero comics an escapist, adolescent fantasy...

To the point, what is attractive to any guy about Carrie Bradshaw?

Do you find someone sexy who is going to describe your romantic entanglements in a weekly column? Or who has a back-up plan in a rich, good looking guy who rides around in limos?

I don't think this is a question of gender inequality in programming. Could a show with the same basic premise, starring four men, have made it on the air with a title called "Sex in the City"? And if it did, it certainly wouldn't be heralded as empowering and glimpse into the world of urban sophisticate. Quite the contrary, I'd guess.

What little online reaction I've read seems to be women surprised to hear that men do not love SJP/ Carrie Bradshaw the way her fans do. They've pointed to SJP's inner beauty, the fact that maybe she is pretty, but not so pretty that she clearly wouldn't hang out with you... But most of what they're praising is not actually Sarah Jessica Parker, it's Carrie Bradshaw, plus the costuming department for her show.

Returning to "The Julia Roberts Effect"... Maybe this is sort of the same thing as when guys are baffled that women might not find their action hero of choice, the one they'd like to be like, to be the perfect male specimen. For example, I do not think Jamie wants for me to be:
-Jet Li from "Fist of Legend"
-Ash from "Army of Darkness"
-Clint Eastwood from "The Outlaw Josey Wales"
-Kareem Abdul Jabbar
-George Reeves.
But I think she'd appreciate it if I were more like Harrison Ford circa 1980 or so.

For the record, I think SJP is reasonably attractive. And I certainly believe Teh Sexy doesn't come in a certain Maxim-approved package. I'm not sure if my DITMTLOD columns have always reflected that belief, but there you are.

No matter how much SJP's defenders may wish it to be true:

-shoes are almost never that exciting to guys
-it takes a sepcial kind of guy to want to have his physical and personal shortcomings detailed in a weekly column. One that his folks could read.
-Making a career out of whining about your seemingly endless string of failed personal relationships when you're pushing 40 is in no way cool.
-(In fact, a little self reflection that isn't taking place in a weekly column might be good)
-Guys do not care what designer you are wearing. Consider how many guys you've ever heard of who watch the Oscars "just to see the dresses"
-that tutu? Kind of stupid.

I am not sure this was helpful.


Sunday, February 17, 2008

Dudes in the Media Jamie Once Dug

Never let it be said that The League is not one to let the scales of fairness tip back into balance. If I can get an opportunity to pontificate upon dames in the media I once dug, should Jamie not receive the same opportunity?

Jamie's turned on the Way-Back Machine and identified several specimens whom she once dug.

Hi everyone - Jamie here. Steanso mentioned in the comments section recently that he was interested in finding out who were the Dudes the in media Mrs. League once Dug. This is not a complete list and I honestly had a hard time remembering who I fancied back in the day, but I gave it a shot. Here goes.

1. Bruce Willis - Moonlighting

Bruce Willis' finest role in my opinion will always be David Addison in Moonlighting. Moonlighting was my favorite show when I was 12. That is of course before they ruined it with a baby, but that is neither here nor there in regards to this list. I hadn't seen anything like it before - they did theme episodes, story arcs, and would randomly break the 4th wall and talk to the camera. I think David Addison was my first real media crush. He was cute, hilarious, and a total smart ass. At the age of 12 all of these things added up to the ideal imaginary boyfriend.

Pre-Hudson Hawk.

2. George Michael

So what if he plays for the other team. We didn't know that back then and even if we had so what. Boy did we love the Faith video, though, right up until Dana Carvey ruined it for me on SNL.

Butt maintenance is very important.

3. Greg Louganis (this counts, right? - the Olympics were on the TeeVee)

I know he's more of a sports figure and again - plays for the other team, but boy did we think he was super-fine when we were watching the 88 Olympics! Does anyone else remember when he smacked his head on the diving board on one of his dives? For some reason I remembered this as having been way more dramatic than it actually was. In my memory, he was on one of the high platforms and was knocked unconscious and had a concussion and it was oh so thrilling. When I watched it on YouTube just now? It was a springboard and he climbed out of the pool himself. Not so impressive.


4. Kyle MacLaughlin in Twin Peaks

"Damn fine coffee. And hot!" Indeed, Special Agent, Dale Cooper. Kyle MacLaughlin had to deal with some crazy crap in Twin Peaks and he did it all while maintaining his perfectly coifed 'do. I was in high school during Twin Peaks entire run and never missed an episode, even if I had to tape it on my prehistoric Video Casette Recorder. The show was fantastic (1st season), and it was a bonus that Kyle and his jawline were in every episode.

Diane, never drink coffee that has been anywhere near a fish.

5. Rob Morrow on Northern Exposure

I'm a bit embarassed about this one, but if we're being honest, yes, I had a crush on Rob Morrow. Don't know if I just bought the whole cute fish out of water scenario more than I should have, but I thought his bundled up New York doctor stranded in Cicely, Alaska was adorable. There, I said it.

I will be cute for approximately 14 more months.

6. Blur

I already mentioned the rockin British foursome in the comment section, but they played such a large part of my college music collection that I felt they deserved a second mention. In the mid 90s I believe there was some sort of rock- n-roll feuding going on between these gents and Oasis (albeit rather half-hearted on Blur's part). So silly. In addition to being dreamy, they made groovy tunes, and should you be interested I can recommend some albums. They are way better than their radio hit "Song 2" would lead you to believe.

Pleased to meet you

7. David Duchovny on X-Files

"They call me Spooky". League viewing of the X-Files was not fueled solely by the League's fascination with Gillian Anderson. Duchovny had his own following among nerdy ladies such as myself. I tried to continue watching X-Files upon Duchovny's departure, but it was never the same without 'Spooky's' deadpan delivery.

When I panic, I make this face.

8. Ralph Fiennes in Quiz Show

Curiously the same movie which buried for good my silly high school Rob Morrow crush, Quiz Show reintroduced me to one of the best actors of his time, Ralph Fiennes. Yeah... that's what I took away from the movie - his acting...really... Okay, have you SEEN Ralph Fiennes in Quiz Show? He smiles a lot. Sigh.

More personable here than in Schindler's List.

9. Ewan McGregor in Moulin Rouge

I already knew Ewan McGregor was a looker pre-Moulin Rouge, but then he wore a tuxedo and sang to me. Shhhh!!! He wasn't singing to Nicole Kidman, he was singing to me! Swoon.


10. Hobbits - Lord of the Rings movies

What? Shut up!! Hey, at least I didn't say Orlando Bloom. Who looks like a girl.

4-Pack of cute Hobbits.

Well, that's it for Jamie's post. And, hey, it keeps me from having to do any real work for a Sunday night post.

Hope you enjoyed the equal time from Jamie.