So, I've already covered several DITMTLOD of the 1990's. I thought I'd include a list of honorable mentions of the era, whom we may return to for further exploration in future installments.
Here's a smattering of folks who almost, almost made the list. I've also asked a few Leaguers to tell me who they thought deserved to make the list. Steven has promised a list of his own, but dare he deliver...?
Part 3 - Subsection A: The Honorable Mentions
Who almost made the list?
Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor in Terminator 2 Why: Because she's tougher than nails and will kick you in the head Why not: Because she's tougher than nails and will kick you in the head
Jodie Foster Why: She was great in Silence of the Lambs, Little Man Tate and was the only part of "Contact" that I liked. Why not: Fessing up to an admiration for Ms. Foster can get you on watch lists for the Secret Service, the FBI, the CIA and the Girl Scouts of America
Salt'n'Pepa Why: The video for "Shoop" Why not: I am not sure I was a fan of the actual music of Salt'n'Pepa. Plus, I think, like a lot of girl groups, they had the Voltron effect. They were better (and more formidable) together than apart.
Salma Hayek Why: Desperado and From Dusk Till Dawn Why Not: Pretty much everything else she did in the 1990's, capped off with "Wild, Wild West", which I blame on her agent.
Jamie McBride in "The Final Cut", "Finding Mike", "Ryan's 16mm test footage" Why: Super foxy. Mysterious, kick-ass allure. Why not: After 2000, didn't appear in much but in Christmas and travel videos produced by video auteur Dick McBride.
Part 3 - Subsection B: Dames of Interest from Other Leaguers
Alicia Silverstone - Most infamously from "Batman & Robin". I don't know what to say. I know she was considered to be the next big thing in the mid-90's, but I found her annoying and kind of dumb. Also, "Clueless" is not cutely subversive. It is terrible.
Betsy Lynn George - Actress, Video: Billy Idol's "Cradle of Love". I always felt sorry for that dude in the video. That crazy lady broke all his stuff and drank his booze. If I wanted that, I would watch "Jerry Springer".
Jenni from Jennicam - I had no idea who this was and had to look it up. Wow. We really had no understanding of the power of technology in the 90's, did we?
Lisa Loeb - She was so cute in her big glasses, but on the 1000th play of that song, man, it started to bug... To nobody's surprise, Wikipedia says she has a degree from Brown in Comparative Literature. Of course she does.
Tanya Harding - You kind of have to respect her for thinking outside the box. And, really, remember how they tried to turn Kerrigan into America's Sweetheart, and then she dissed Disney and the plebes come to cheer her? Maybe Harding was on to something. Plus, Harding surprised everyone when she beat the tar out of Paula Jones on celebrity boxing. What wasn't to like?
Kate Winslet - Who was prettier in Titanic? She or Leo? Winslet is one of the most talented actors of her generation, and easy on the eyes. But in the 1990's, I mostly associated her with "Heavenly Creatures", and therefore was afraid of her.
Claudia Schiffer - a model of the super variety. I understand she's supposed to be really smart. But didn't she marry David Copperfield for a while?
Cindy Blackman (Lenny Kravtiz's touring drummer from the 1990s) - You remember this dame from the video for "Are You Gonna Go My Way?" This lady seemed like a rock-solid percussionist as well as being attractive in cooler-than-an-ice-cube sort of way. The League's hat is off.
Lara Croft (the video game character- not Angelina Jolie) - Not sure what to make of this, so best not to think about it too much.
Shannon Tweed - I am a virtuous and pious man and have no idea who Ms. Tweed is.
Gates McFadden & Mariana Sirkis - Dr. Crusher and Counselor Troi of Star Trek: The Next generation. In 1995 I was involved in a debate at Captain Quakenbush's that wound up involving, I do not lie, most of the coffeeshop. While a friendly debate, "Are you a Dr. Crusher man, or into Counselor Troi?" led to many-a-dude spontaneously volunteering their opinion. Me and the guy serving the cappucinos? Dr. Crusher.
Leslie Hardy, Keyboardist for the Murder City Devils - No idea who this is.
Linda Fiorentino - Never seen a Linda Fiorentino movie. The descriptions of the movies always sounded like the "erotic thriller" plots from Cinemax late night.
Girl from "Mr. Jones" video - Counting Crows and their frat-friendly faux-college rock make me itch. I tried to watch the video on YouTube for research and couldn't do it. I'll have to take your word for it.
and... Tawny Kitaen, for her performance in a White Snake video or two. It was later deduced that was the 1980's. However, Ms. Kitaen took the place of Loni Anderson in the 1990's "New WKRP in Cinicinatti" as the resident secretly brilliant bombshell. She was a poor substitute for Anderson.
That's it. And will be it for quite some time. I am quite drained after so many DITMTLOD, and I assume the readership is quite sick of it as well. Well, this week we'll be back to comics, movies, dog reports, and more of the same uselessness you've come to expect.
That said, we have a comments section. Feel free to chime in and tell me where I went wrong on this whole "dames" thing.
We're back for another round of: The League loses a small part of his soul.
This will wrap up the Top 10 DITMTLOD of the 1990's. As with the last post, I've included a "special mention" of someone I identify with the 90's, but who can't be confined to the 1990's for whatever reason.
As this list covers The League from age 14-24ish, it is nowhere near definitive, and we may have a follow up list on this.
I hope you continue to enjoy my walk down memory lane with DITMTLOD, 90's Super Post Numero Dos.
6. Sherilyn Fenn as Audrey Horne on Twin Peaks
David Lynch, known mostly for his eccentric films with unusual plots, oddball characters and dreamlike imagery also has excellent taste in the ladies. His 1990 TV series, Twin Peaks, was littered with DITMTLOD, including a pre-creepy Laura Flynn Boyle and Madchen Amick (whose IMDB record reads like a who's who of films and TV shows I've never seen).
Audrey Horne was not very much like the girls at Klein Oak from 1990-1993.
As Audrey Horne, the trouble-making teen-age daughter of millionaire hotelier Benjamin Horne, Sherilyn Fenn gave Agent Dale Cooper a foil within the Great Northern Hotel. She was clearly not a teenager, but I forgave her. As the series progressed, her storylines were a bit hinky as the character seemed to be popular, but too often occurred on the periphery of the main story-arc (she simply wasn't involved with the death of Laura Palmer). Her attempt at romance with Agent Cooper never really seemed terribly believable, but, again... whatever.
Ahhh... that unmistakable mood of Twin Peaks, where you kind of don't know what to make of it, and it might be something horrific, or it might just be something... weird.
7. Laura Dern in Jurassic Park and Wild at Heart
The daughter of character actor Bruce Dern and actress/ pin-up Diane Ladd, Laura Dern popped up in two very different movies in the 1990's, 1990's "Wild at Heart" and 1993's "Jurassic Park".
I actually own this movie, and I'm still not sure what its about.
Wild at Heart may have been director David Lynch working out some of the stuff he couldn't work into TV. It's an absolutely fascinating film, and Dern is even more fun to watch, paired with a Nic Cage who had not yet quite bought into his own hype.
As the girlfriend of Sailor Ripley and daughter of Marietta Fortune, Lula is caught between white hot love/ lust and her overbearing/ insane mother. It's... interesting, but not something I'd recommend for The Karebear and Admiral.
However, as Dr. Ellie Sattler in Jurassic Park, Dern managed to play an action hero with brains and a conscience. Unlike her roles in "Wild at Heart" or "Blue Velvet", Dern played Ellie Sattler as the face of the joy of scientific discovery in Jurassic Park, and, uhm... that scene where she runs as fast as she can to the bunker to turn the power back on? For my dollar, one of the most Spielbergian of Spielbergian moments of mounting tension.
Dern considers throwing children at the dinosaurs as bait.
She would later appear in Jurassic Park III, saving the day for all involved thanks to her ability to use a telephone. I have not seen, I don't think, anything else Dern put to screen. However, her IMDB page says there's a Jurassic Park IV in the offing. And while JP3 was nowhere close to Jurassic Park or even JP2, I'm still likely to go see it. Cause I like a good dinosaur movie. And Laura Dern.
8. Kim Deal, bass & vocals for The Pixies, guitar & vocals for The Breeders
Around 1989, I began listening to The Pixies. I really liked the tune "This Monkey's Gone to Heaven" off Doolittle. The Pixies would follow up with the album Bossanova only a year later. Then Trompe Le Monde in 1991.
Black Francis/ Frank Black would spin off to do his own projects, and bassist Kim Deal would find pop/rock stardom as the frontman for The Breeders. The Breeders were most famous for the songs "Cannonball" and "One Divine Hammer" from the album Last Splash. Despite my curmudgeonly ways, I was a fan of radio-friendly tunes and had the pleasure of seeing The Breeders perform at Lollapalooza in 1994 or so.
Rock music makes Kim Deal happy
Deal's bass playing isn't necessarily the craziest, and her vocals didn't carry the strength of the power-belters of R&B that saturated the airwaves in the 1990's. But her voice was distinct, and the basslines catchy. She was able to translate that talent into catchy tunes for The Breeders and ride the wave of the introduction of "alternative" music to mainstream radio from the gutter of 120 Minutes' Sunday at midnight broadcasting slot.
Plus, she was cute in a punk-rock-girl-next-door sort of manner.
This monkey's gone to heaven
Here's a kick in the crotch: I had tickets to see the Pixies during their reunion tour about four years ago and didn't end up going for one reason or another.
And I am not just saying this: she and Tina Weymouth are probably the two people most responsible for me wanting to pick up the bass.
9. Patricia Arquette as Alabama in "True Romance" and Kathy O'Hara in "Ed Wood"
I've never been someone to actually seek out a movie because it features a particular actor, and thus I've dodged watching much of Ms. Arquette's considerable portfolio of work.
And, uh... yeah.
"True Romance" was a film of the 1990's, and of my 20's, and I have a hard time believing that I'd get a 1/3rd of the enjoyment now from the movie which I got back then. Alabama is a bit of a miracle for Clarence Worley, comic shop manager and trash film enthusiast. In short, he's a stand-in for screen-writer Quentin Tarantino,a nd as such, one must assume Alabama was some fantasy character Tarantino wished would stumble into him at the Grindhouse theater, whisking him away from his video clerk job.
Alabama might not have been written to be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but at the time I appreciated the weirdo-toughness of Alabama's character as she sort of bounces through the film like a pinball, managing to come out on top despite some pretty tough moments.
And I think Jamie puts up with a lot...
Arquette would bring that same ease of going-with-the-flow to her role as Kathy O'Hara in "Ed Wood", as the woman who stands by her man despite (perhaps because of) his oddities. Perhaps it was still some of Ms. Alabama Worley I had in the back of my mind, as subsequent viewings of "Ed Wood" don't particularly feature Arquette jumping off the screen.
Arquette was married for a time to Nic Cage, and is now starring in the successful sci-fi drama, "Medium". I haven't really checked it out.
10. Lynne Russell- Headline News
I've taken some flack for this one, but I used to dig the talking head on CNN's Headline News, Lynne Russell. Say what you will, but it got me watching the news on a regular basis. You can have your Katie Couric or whatever, but for my TV-news-viewing-dollar in the 1990's, there was no voice more trusted nor anyone I tolerated more speaking in 30 minute loops than Ms. Russell's evening broadcast.
Russell pre-dated the dawn of the news-bunny, and was an anchor you could actually take seriously, despite the fact that her job seemed to entail sitting at a desk and not freaking out in the third hour of her shift repeating the same headlines. She was occasionally a little snarky with the stories, but also managed to pull off gravitas when the need arose.
Ah, the glory days of cable news...
Russell is also a black belt in a Choi Kwang Do, has a website of questionable design, was a private investigator and I read somewhere that she occasionally performed police work in some capacity. I think she also carries a concealed handgun.
Today's Headline News is, in fact, awful. Once Time Warner got their hands on Turner's news empire, they ransacked the place and replaced the actual news with Glenn Beck, Showbiz Tonight, and (shudder) Nancy Grace. Good luck getting any actual news.
Lynne was not the bubbly air-head CNN began experimenting with in the late-90's (see the abysmal morning show on Headline News), and so was shown the door.
Upon departing the CNN studios, Lynne wrote her memoirs, which were entitled "How to Win Friends, Kick Ass, and Influence People". Ms. Russell, I salute thee.
She's now living in Canada. And I guess involved in a Canadian news service of some sort. Which has got to be a better gig than the embarrassment Headline News has gladly become.
We miss you Lynne.
Special Mention: Siouxsie Sioux
The UK must have been an interesting place in the 1970's. While the US was jamming to Disco Duck, they were coming up with nifty ideas like The Sex Pistols, The Cure and Siouxsie and the Banshees.
When Jason saw what i was doing with the Special Mention section of these posts, his first words were "You didn't post about Siouxsie Sioux". Apparently, I am far more transparent than even I realize.
In high school I kept pictures of Siouxsie Sioux on my wall. I really remember The Admiral just staring at a poster from "Israel", starting to ask a question, and then deciding it was best to just drop it.
While Siouxsie's unique look helped get the band some attention, I'm actually a fan of the music. Unfortunately, as time has worn on, when a Siouxsie tune pops up on my iPod, I no longer can tell you exactly which song it is like I once could.
The heyday of the band was probably, really, the 80's as the popularity of the band took off. I, of course, failed to know much about them until a year after Peek-a-Boo had been released. I'd liked the single, but didn't pick up the album (Peepshow)until later.
The band continued to play well into the 1990's. I saw them at the first Lollapalooza in Dallas, but would not catch them on any subsequent tours. I believe they officially broke up around 1996/97, with Siouxsie and husband/ bandmate Budgie moving on to play with their splinter effort, The Creatures. They cited the abysmal conditions of the music industry and their desire to no longer work within that framework. They had not, of course, seen what the music industry would become.
Stylistically, the band dwelled in the land of what my former co-worker liked to call "raincoat rock". Moody, atmospheric, and defined largely by Siouxsie's unmistakable voice, for which the band was probably named. Like so many bands of the time, image was a huge part of the persona, and its tough to really gauge the effect Sioux may have had on many-a-mopey teen with her Egyptian-themed make-up and varying degrees of spikiness to her hair.
Mostly, whether accurate or not, she just seemed a heck of a lot more interesting than anything that was going on in Spring, Texas in 1992.
Siouxsie never got a huge amount of coverage in the American music press, at least while I was reading, and I never really knew a whole heck of a lot about her or the band. I'd hear bits and pieces here and there, but I suppose if I'd known much, it would have ruined the mystery, and that was half the fun.
Siouxsie performs in 2007
Siouxsie released a new album in 2007, a solo effort which I just found out about while doing some Googling. She toured the UK and the West Coast. No Austin dates as far as I can tell. It is a shame that she's not hooked up with the upcoming (June) arrival of The Cure in Austin. That would certainly be a double-bill worth checking out for a walk down high-school memory lane.
That's it for the Top 10
Please feel free to comment, reminisce, reflect, etc...
Plus, you got the bonus coverage by way of Special Mention.
Ahhhhhh... the 1990's. No doubt a time of great change for The League as we went from high school, to college, to, uh... whatever this period is in my life. But as always, The League was there... watching TV and stuff. And while our heart will always belong to Lynda Carter, there are many other Dames in the Media the League Once Dug.
After five years or whatever of maintaining this blog, your erstwhile League occasionally runs out of material. And so when JimD suggested I do a Dames In the Media The League Once Dug 90's Super Post, I thought: Heck, why not?
But who were the DITMTLOD of the League's 1990's? In the very special post, we'll take a look at ladies of the the League's interest in the 90's, both fictional and real. I had planned on doing a top 10, but we'll see how this shakes out.
A few rules I set up: I'm focusing on things that came out in the 90's. If the media came out prior to the 1990's, but I didn't discover it until the 90's, I'm only including one per posting as a "Special Mention".
This is all so much cheaper than therapy.
1. Gillian Anderson as Special Agent Dana Scully
I'm listing Dr. Dana Scully as those who knew me in the 90's should be well aware of this particular DITMTLOD.
Short, skeptical, a doctor and endlessly patient with her partner, what wasn't to like? Anderson herself interviewed just simply terribly when you would see her on shows like "Late Night", but as long as she had X-files dialog coming out of her mouth, she was smart, lovely, and would stand still for lingering close-ups.
I've never really seen Gillian Anderson in anything but X-Files. Not even the movie where she purportedly runs about topless from her pre-X-Files days. But she was good in the role, and I would probably watch her again if she ever appeared in anything close to the sorts of movies I dig.
Also, she seems to be aging very well if the interweb photos I saw when looking for an image are any indication.
The above photo is a nice image of Agent Scully, but this is the image I had on my wall in college, printed in black and white from my junky Packard Bell printer circa 1995. Because, you know, I was classy.
2. Amanda Pays as Dr. Christina McGee
Amanda Pays first came to The League's attention as News Producer Theora Jones on the program "Max Headroom" back in the 80's. The same cool, confident demeanor she brought to Max Headroom (and a knack for delivering pseudo-sciencey lines) she brought with the same verve to The Flash.
Tina McGee was a biophysicist or some such who explained Barry's powers to him, and thus, to the audience. She also looked really nice in really unflattering circa 1990 clothes. But she looked nice in a lab-coat.
A pre-interweb show that ran for only one season, there's not much on the web in the way of photos from The Flash
Pays remains a mystery to The League as she wound up marrying Corbin Bernsen. Which means Corbin Bernsen has better taste in women than I would have assumed.
3. Michelle Yeoh, Various roles
Whether as a SuperCop, in a Police Story, as part of a Heroic Trio, ensuring that Tomorrow Never Dies or, after the 90's, as either a Crouching Tiger or Hidden Dragon, Michelle Yeoh was always a favorite of The League.
In 1993 or so, JAL and Michael would grab me and get me down to Hogg Auditorium on UT's campus where they would show Jackie Chan movies on the weekends. If you could put up with the rock-hard seating and the bats which would flit around, you could catch a pretty good movie for almost no cost.
The lovely Ms. Yeoh is now going to cripple you
Michelle Yeoh was in the Super Cop movies, and then in Heroic Trio. Later, I would be convinced to go see the 1997 Bond installment "Tomorrow Never Dies", based entirely upon the fact that Yeoh was in the movie. And, of course, 2000's "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" finally showcased the actress in a light which I felt finally did her justice for a large American audience.
Since then she's been a favorite in the film "Memoirs of a Geisha". Where she does not get to kick ass in quite the same way.
4. Lady Miss Kier, Deee-Lite
I invite you to remember the first time you saw Lady Miss Kier in her platform shoes, little retro dress, huge eye lashes and funky dance moves. Add in a fun song, a good voice, and imagine that in Spring, Texas circa 1990ish.
I didn't really understand what Deee-Lite was up to, but I did know The League would always pause to watch the video for "Groove is in the Heart", and not just for Bootsy Collins' awesome bass-work.
But, really watch 2:32 - 3:06 again. That is why.
Also, Bootsy is from outer space.
De-Groovy
Lady Miss Kier is still actively performing and spinning records all over the globe. The days of Deee-Lite are now behind us, but Her Eminence keeps grooving on.
5. Marcia Gay Harden as Verna Bernbaum in "Miller's Crossing".
It's difficult to gauge what sort of impact or impression any one movie has on you as a lad, but certainly those who knew me when will recall my fascination with "Miller's Crossing" and Harden's character, Verna, which lasted for years.
Verna is a tough-talking moll, cut from the cloth of some of the tougher characters of cinema of crime movies of the 30's and 40's, and certainly the books of Dashiell Hammett and Raymond Chandler. Verna was the sort of role that you weren't seeing on the screen all that much in 1990 when Miller's Crossing debuted.
I was a huge fan, and continue to believe its a great performance. But the movie probably gave me some funny ideas about how to interact with the ladies.
As always, The League highly recommends Miller's Crossing. One of the greats of the past 25 years of film. Harden is no small contributor to that film's status.
Getting drunk and confronting your lady of interest = a plan that needs revision
I don't keep up with Harden's work. I think the last thing I saw her in was "Space Cowboys", but I never managed to see "Pollock" or, really, much else she's done. I still want to know what the heck she was doing in "Flubber".
Special mention: Claudia Cardinale as Jill in "Once Upon a Time in the West"
Firstly, is "Once Upon a Time in the West" a great Western? Or The Greatest Spaghetti Western?
(I have a pet theory about why the Western died out. 1) John Ford died. 2) After Leone had his run, what was the point?)
Released in 1968, but discovered on video during my "Holy smokes, Sergio Leone kicks ass" phase of film school, "Once Upon a Time in the West" is still one of my favorite Westerns, and one of my favorite movies.
In the tradition of all Sergio Leone movies, Claudia Cardinale is badly looped in "Once Upon a Time in the West". I have no idea if she actually speaks English as I've never had the opportunity to see her in anything else.
Her arrival really kicks the story into gear, and she proceeds to out-tough Charles Bronson. Let me repeat that: SHE OUT-TOUGHS @#$%^ing CHARLES BRONSON, all without ever really using a gun. Also, she out toughs Jason Robards AND an EVIL Henry Fonda.
Top that, Sigourney Weaver.
Probably not the most progressive movie ever made, but a heck of a story and full wall-to-wall with great characters, Cardinale's creation of Jill McBain turns out to be the strongest force in a lawless frontier. Also, her theme by the amazing Ennio Morricone is the sort of sweeping score today's composers could learn from.
Yowza
That's it for the first installment.
I encourage you to mention your own Ladies of Interest (or Dudes of Interest, depending on how you swing). Also, this post came out of an idea from one of your fellow Leaguers, so if you have any bright ideas for The League, shoot them my way.
I dig Blade Runner. Depending on my mood, its easily one of my favorite movies. Sure, it's clunky in parts, and there are multiple cuts with different meanings, but this isn't a post about the arcane magic of Blade Runner. This is a post about a 13 year-old League raising an eyebrow in honor of Sean Young as a robotic noir love interest.
It's not accurate to refer to the Rachael character in Blade Runner as a Femme Fatale. In fact, for a noirish crime drama, there is no woman trying to take Deckard out unless you count both Pris and Zhora, neither of whom use seduction in the "kill Deckard" technique and so aren't really femme fatales in the sense I understand the term.
I saw Sean Young as Rachael before I was aware that Ms. Young had an odd reputation in Hollywood circles. And I am positive I had seen the movie before the Catwoman debacle. In all likelihood, I didn't know who Sean Young was when I saw Blade Runner the first time.
Rachael the replicant is smokin'.
Not to belabor a point, but I might add this movie also had Daryl Hannah in punk-aesthetic and Joanna Cassidy running around in nothing but glitter. But I guess, you know, the whole "trying to kill you" thing was a bit of a turn-off when I was 13.
The character of Rachael was (spoiler alert) of course a "replicant", ie: a synthetic human. More human than human, if you will. And, of course, that lent a certain odd, doomed mystique to the character as she progresses down her character arc and adds her to the distinguished line of Lady Robots of Interest (we can begin with the robot Maria from Metropolis and follow through Ghost in the Shell).
Mostly, though, Rachael personified the elitist ice-queen of the detective flicks, sometimes the wife or daughter of a shady millionaire in Chandler novels. Like other good ice-queens, Rachael was tough on the outside, but once past the frosty exterior, she falls for the bedraggled detective.
And, of course, what guy doesn't want to see himself as a tough guy detective (no, it doesn't matter how young or old)?
Rachael examines a note from Rick. She will check "Yes, I like you".
Or, more to the point, what wanna-be hard-boiled detective doesn't also want to think that if he finds the right angle, the lovely but generally unpleasant girl will fall madly for him and will no longer be so unpleasant? (My suspicion is that this generally does not really work out.)
Aside from a shot or two of Sean Young's thigh when Deckard and Rachael get their groove on, Rachael is always dressed in throwback outfits, lifted from the Lauren Bacall gowns and dresses, particularly the big-shoulders-era. I think we were to understand the wardrobe suggested what the script did not explicitly mention, that the suggested social role Rachael had been placed into was of the elite, living above the squalor of the streets. After her introduction, Rachael's huge fut coat seems oddly out of place on the streets of LA versus how it might look among the heights of the Tyrell pyramids.
Whether Young developed Rachael's mannered speech and movements, I really have no idea. Certainly the casting away of those behaviors becomes part of the movie and character as she finds out the truth about herself.
But, there's that toughness to Rachael that's necessary to a film like Blade Runner or, in fact, a believable love-interest for a hard-boiled detective film of any stripe. Rachael does, after all, pick up Deckard's gun and save the day when Deckard faces off with Leon. She does decide to take her life into her own hands once she realizes that her memories were nothing but implants.
Depending upon your preference for which cut you want to watch, Rachael may or may not have much time. Let alone Deckard (late breaking spoiler. Sorry).
Raccoon eyes for Rachel
So, a salute to Sean Young's portrayal of Rachael. That's a Replicant in the Media the League Once Dug.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Dames in the Media the League Once Dug: October Edition Elvira, Mistress of the Dark
We're creeping up on Halloween once again, Leaguers. And this year, I thought I'd pay tribute to one of the sirens of the Halloween screen who did so much to really screw up my notions of womanhood.
I speak of none other than Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.
Each Halloween I try to find some excuse to post a picture or two of the Elvira, so this year I'm bringing up my favorite cheesy media figure in the context of DITMTLOD.
(It should also be mentioned that for a short while I've been picking up Elvira's Claypool Comics series, and I believe the series will soon be coming to an end.)
On with the show..
Sweet guacamole... if you were a goofy, sci-fi/fantasy/horror/camp movie loving geek-in-the-making, you stumbled upon Elvira at some point. Played by actress Cassandra Peterson, Elvira was somebody's answer as to how to fill those odd hours on a Saturday night with an imminently watchable and often hilarious host for the cheaper creature features.
Elvira's television persona did not just depend upon her wit and agile mind.
Unfortunately, Elvira's program didn't actually air anywhere I lived. Texas in the 80's loved a woman with Elvira's assets, but may not have actually known how to deal with an intentionally campy, funny, vampire-lookin' lady showing really bad movies. At least I never saw her on TV. It's possible I saw a few of her cameos in the 80's on shows as diverse as The Richard Simmons Show or ChiPs (I turned up cameo listings on Cassandra Peterson's IMDB listing that made me both miss and mourn the 1980's).
It's my guess that Elvira was a bit of a local phenomena in LA and that she sort of blew up into a celebrity based by accident. I suspect she was booked for guest appearances on prime time TV based on local LA celebrity, and that mixed with her presence in beer ads had far more folks identifying her than might have been actually watching her program.
I first recall seeing movies for rent back when The Admiral and Karebear broke down and finally bought a VCR (which Karebear had fought tooth and nail, convinced that the VCR would mean a second mortgage) and we would go to Video Station up on 620 and 183 to rent movies. I recall lingering in the horror movie section and trying to figure out who this Elvira lady was, and why she was on the cover of so many movies. I eventually puzzled it out, but I could never work up the courage to bring that box to the counter for Mom's approval.
Would not have received the KareBear's approval for movie rental in 1987. Curse my inability to rent my own movies...
All of this was going on as I was more or less "discovering girls", but wasn't actually terribly interested in the girls around me. Somehow the girls in the brass section of the Canyon Vista Middle School band just didn't hold the same appeal as a buxom lady in a slinky dress hamming it up and who was seemingly interested in intentionally goofy jokes and bad movies. Like all the twirling I wanted to do alongside Wonder Woman when I was 4, I thought Elvira seemed like a decent sort of dame with whom I could watch the endless line of cheesy movies I took in every weekend via USA's "Up All Night" (a program which apparently only bored teenagers and those in our penal system enjoyed).
Receiving the media attention she deserves
And then came Elvira's big screen debut in "Elvira, Mistress of the Dark". Finding no way to actually ask my Mom to drive me to the theatre to see Elvira without suffering the usual endless line of shame and ridicule which accompanied such a bold request, I finally saw the movie on cable. I then predicted there would be no stopping Elvira as she moved from cult-celebrity to media mainstay.
Well, The League was wrong then, and I'm going to be wrong again in the future. So just be prepared for a few of my crystal ball predictions to be a little less than accurate.
I guess at some point paranoid parents decided that Halloween was too scary for kids or that their kids were all going to get snatched away (note to parents: My Dad took me trick or treating every year through fourth grade... what exactly are you doing that you're so busy you can't walk your kid around the neighborhood once a year?). Anyhoo, it all evens out as Halloween has since been embraced as a holiday for adults. Time for Betty in accounting to dress up as a pirate and crack open a bottle of rum, I guess. And who better to embody that spirit than our very own Mistress of the Dark? She seems like someone who might be fun at a party, does she not?
Well, I hope so, because Elivra declared last Spring that it is her new mission to be as identified with Halloween as pumpkins and black cats. I don't know exactly how one lays claim to a holiday, but The League is here to assist Elvira in her madcap scheme. My gosh, we owe her that much after all she's given us.
Looking back, it's now no surprise I had some odd ideas about girls
Some people come and go. Others are created and stick with us.
So this Halloween, raise a glass to Elvira, the hardest working late-night movie host.
The League can take a hint. No more posts on how we organize our comics.
Dames in the Media The League Once Dug:
Mary Kate Danaher from The Quiet Man
The Quiet Man's Mary Kate Danaher as portrayed by the lovely Maureen O'Hara
Ah, Maureen O'Hara. It may have been in Miracle on 34th Street that I first noticed you, and that hung-over Sunday morning in San Antonio when I tried to make it through Against All Flags that I noticed you could poke out my eye with a cutlass, but it was your role as Mary Kate Danaher in The Quiet Man that won me over.
In Miracle on 34th Street, Maureen plays what we in the business call a "Yummy Mummy"
Yarrrrghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
Sure, this DITMTLOD is a little different as it doesn't focus on a TV character from my youth, but this is my damn blog, and if I want to talk about Maureen O'Hara, by gum, I'm a gonna do it.
Released in 1952, The Quiet Man tells the tale of a boxer born in Ireland who immigrated to the US as a child. The boxer, Sean Thornton (played by John Wayne), has ended his career for mysterious reasons and chosen to return to his family's home in Ireland. Here, Thornton meets Mary Kate Danaher and has to adjust to the local Irish customs in order to woo her. The movie is directed by the legendary John Ford, and while it's not a western, Ford certainly handles the material with his usual flair.
No golden lasso or talking car, but still noteworthy
Really, it's a very fun movie and was recommended to me by my high school biology teacher, Mr. Bryant, who I owe a lot to. Mostly, I thank Mr. Bryant for not sending me to the principal upon the numerous occasions when he had very, very good reason to do so.
Every Irish stereotype you can think of is trotted out for the movie, and lovingly embraced by the Irish actors playing all the major roles. It should also be mentioned that Maureen O'Hara actually is from Ireland, so the casting there was quite intentional.
So, what does Mary Kate Danaher have that makes her League-worthy
1) While not a brunette in a form-fitting one-piece uniform, Mary Kate manages to make a blouse, skirt and smock look very nice.
Here, Mary Kate hops up to plant one on John Wayne playing the role he knows best: John Wayne
2) Mary Kate ain't afraid to slap around John Wayne. Mary Kate is given to fits of wild temper, which, we learn, may be why she ain't quite landed herself a husband yet. These fits of temper tend to lead to some plate throwing and whatnot, but it's all in good fun.
Yeah, she's yelling at him
3) Mary Kate has a fun family. Sure, the conflict between her brother and John Wayne is a major part to the story, but it just goes to prove there's nothing a few pints and an extended slugging match can't settle.
Even in this silly hat, Mary Kate Danaher looks quite fetching
4) Mary Kate is multi-talented. From herding sheep to more domestic chores, Mary Kate seems to be a quick study.
5) Responsible for one of the greatest screen kisses of all time. Sure, Spielberg actually referenced it frame for frame in E.T., but there was a reason Steve-o picked that particular scene for his movie. I hate to give away the context of the scene, but with a storm blowing through the doorway of their new cottage, Sean and Mary Kate pretty much seal up the running for best culmination of romantic tension.
Sometimes romance ain't all puppy-tails and flowers.
Ah, but she's a ravishing red-head, she is.
I'm not sure what category The Quiet Man falls into. Romantic comedy? Romantic dramady? I want to point out that this movie isn't a western, it doesn't have a single ape, superhero, robot or starship in it, and I still find myself watching it over and over. The League highly recommends this movie.
Wayne and O'Hara re-teamed for the comedy-western McClintock!, which is a pretty good movie right up until the final scenes where you really, really start to feel uncomfortable as a 21st century human being. The movie was, I should add, filmed in AZ.
For the previous "Dames in the Media the League Once Dug", click here.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
It's that time again kids (because we've got a lot of territory to cover)...
It's time for...
DAMES IN THE MEDIA THE LEAGUE ONCE DUG
Instead of trying to do this in chronological order, I'm going to stick with a mystery theme to be revealed later (see if you can figure it out!).
The lovely Patricia McPherson as Bonnie Barstow, world's greatest Jiffy-Lube employee.
Bonnie came into my life a few years on from Wonder Woman, when, I believe, I was maturing quite nicely in my taste in Dames. No longer did twirling seem to be such an attractive trait in a woman. Well, it was still important, but not as important.
So what did Bonnie have?
1) Bonnie didn't fall for Michael's nonsense. Sure, I loved Knight Rider, too, but I always thought Michael was sort of creepy. He showed more chest hair than I wanted to look at as an eight year old boy, and he usually spent the duration of most shows making goo-goo eyes at the dame of the week. And he was nice enough to Bonnie, and maybe a little flirty, but a) she didn't have badly frosted early 80's hair so Michael would never take her seriously, anyway, and b) she wasn't interested in his nonsense. You never once saw Bonnie show the slightest interest in Michael. No interest in creepy guy? Already I could feel the pitter-patter of my heart.
2) Hey, I was eight. I could not have cared less about Michael Knight's trials and tribulations. In fact, if the show had been about KITT and Dom DeLuise, I would have tuned in week after week just the same. For me, Knight Rider was about the Knight Industries Two-Thousand. And who was the genius behing K.I.T.T.? Bonnie Barstow.
Bonnie has trouble installing KITT's new 8-track.
Yes sir, Michael was just some jack-ass the Knight Foundation sent out there so draw fire away from their billion dollar, AI-infused car. Also, it would have been deeply suspicious if K.I.T.T. were zipping around southern California with no "driver" at the wheel. At the end of the day, those of us who knew the score knew that the Knight Foundation might as well have put a circus monkey in the cabin for all the good Michael did.
But, who had the brains and know-how to keep that car running? Surely not Michael (who was shot in the head in the pilot, as I recall). Nah, It was Bonnie who kept that show running. She was technically inclined and liked to chat it up with the talking car. My kind of lady.
Bonnie chats it up with KITT while replacing the windshield wiper-fluid.
3) They tried to replace Bonnie, and it didn't take. It's totally true. In the 1983-84 season, Bonnie wasn't on the show. I'm not sure why Bonnie bailed on KITT, or why Patricia McPherson wasn't on, but they brought in this sort of blonde woman to try to fill in for Bonnie. Rebecca Holden played fake -Bonnie April Curtis, but April just couldn't fill Bonnie's jumpsuit, and so, the next season, Bonnie triumphantly returned.
The evil, fake Bonnie, April Curtis, whose hair is a magnificent feat of architecture.
4) Bonnie apparently lived in the back of a semi, sort of like the truck in SpyHunter. Not only that, but she lived in the back of a semi which was constantly rolling, always nearby when needed, had every part conceivable to help fix KITT, and was always well-lit and spotlessly clean.
This is not to mention that the interior of the semi seemed to defy the laws of time and space, appearing to be much, much larger inside than outside.
One was, of course, left to wonder if the semi had a driver who had never taken a bathroom break, or if KITT's idiot cousin was up there muttering to himself.
5) No matter what, Bonnie's white jumpsuit always appeared spotless.
Sure, Bonnie had a lot of traits I didn't have at age 8. For example, had I had a white jump suit, it would have had Cheet-o finger stains down the front. But Bonnie was more than just another Jodie from The Fall Guy. Bonnie wasn't just eye-candy, she was also a mechanic and she was smarter than the rest of the morons on that show combined.
So a salute to Bonnie Barstow, finest TV mechanic to ever grace a white jumpsuit.
I really, really, really have nothing to write about. But, I know even the Loyalist Leaguer is probably sick of failed contests and me yammering on about how anything DC Comics does is ingenious.
So.
I've decided to come up with a new column I can toss in here when I reach the point at which I have time to post, but nothing to post about. It's not going to be a super hero spot-light. That sort of went over like a lead balloon.
Nah.
If there's one thing The League is missing, it's lots of violence. Short of that, we're also missing drugs and sex. Since violence isn't really a part of my life, and the only drugs in this house are all on the up-and-up, I must revert to sex.
Unfortunately, Jamie has more or less put a ban on allowing me to discuss our more intimate details, and without a good CAD program, I'm not really sure I could really get my points across here, anyway.
SO... Inspired by supersite, RetroCrush, The League has joyfully lifted somebody else's idea.
It's time to take a peek back at how The League became the man he was. It's time to look back at Dames In the Media Who The League Once Dug.
So...
DAMES IN THE MEDIA THE LEAGUE ONCE DUG
If I'm going to do this, I might as well start early. And why not with one of my earliest memories?
God knows what armchair psychologists would say about how this personality effected my young mind (we will much more thoroughly discuss this in the Yvonne Craig Column), but first and foremost of chicks I once dug (and continue to dig) is Wonder Woman as portrayed by the lovely Lynda Carter.
Lynda Carter looks radiant in her Wonder Woman get-up.
I don't really remember much from the first airings of the Wonder Woman TV program. Mostly I remember Wonder Woman did a lot of twirling. And what kid doesn't also like to do a lot of twirling? So, you know, I sort of thought maybe Wonder Woman and I had something in common we could talk about.
Why was Wonder Woman so cool?
1) Girlfriend has an Invisible Jet. This means she's a pilot. That's cool. The jet is either magical or has some awesome cloaking technology. That's very cool. And she hasn't chosen some lame mode of transportation that somehow involves a magical horse with wings or a horn. That's doubly cool.
2) Her secret ID? She works for the military. She's a woman in uniform either as Diana Prince or as Wonder Woman. You've got to like that.
3) She's un-selfconscious standing around in a swimsuit that looks like it was designed by the costumers at Six Flags. For this fact alone, Diana Prince should be saluted.
4) She punches people. Look, when you're a four-year-old boy, you're convinced that if you could just punch people correctly, all would be right with the world. Your entire MO for somehow affecting yoru world is to poke and destroy. Wonder Woman slugs a lot of people. Again, at age 4, I thought me and Wonder Woman had a lot we could talk about.
5) Magic Lasso. Charles Moulton Marston who dreamed up Wonder Woman back in the 1940's as a positive role-model for girls and boys was sort of a freak. I really don't have time to get into all of this here, but I suggest you read Les Daniels' Wonder Woman: The Complete History.
6) Steve Trevor. Wonder Woman's love interest was a dude who was a suave military man in his own right, who probably appreciated Diana Prince in her own right, but he REALLY appreciated Wonder Woman. But really, the point is, at least Wonder Woman's love interest wasn't a complete loser.
7) Bullet Proof Bracelets. So, dude is going to shoot at you? And you can't throw down a smoke bomb like Batman or let the bullet bounce off your eye-lid like Superman? You best get yourself some bullet-proof bracelets. And, you'd best know how to use them. (comic trivia: Wonder Woman's bracelets are functional, and also symbolize the wrist shackles the Amazons once wore after being enslaved by Hercules and his thugs.)
Hit me with your best shot. Fire away.
8) Ravor Sharp Tiara. I can't remember if this ever came into play on the show or cartoon, but Wonder Woman used to be able to throw her tiara to cut ropes and whatnot.
9) Can fight crime in clearly uncomfortable boots. Seriously, those things look awfully uncomfortable.
No part of the Wonder Woman ensemble was designed to be comfortable, functional or to leave much to the imagination.
10) Not as crabby as Super Friends Wonder Woman. Look, I love Wonder Woman. She's the best. She's my favorite pantless super hero. But Wonder Woman on the Superfriends was always sort of crabby. She always sounded more like a 2nd Grade teacher trying to get her class inline rather than like a fun super hero. I'll take Lynda Carter's take on the role any day.
Because his powers are only slightly more useful than owning a Pocket Fisherman, Wonder Woman is forced to give Aquaman a ride home once again. Unbeknownst to Wonder Woman, Aquaman is going to awkwardly make a pass at her when she drops him off.
So, there you have it. Dame #1: Wonder Woman by way of Lynda Carter.
