Saturday, September 10, 2005

single greatest game


Thursday, September 08, 2005

Greetings, Leaguers - Mrs. League here. Long time no blog.

So...I get migraines. Recently I've been forced to make numerous trips to our local ER just to get some relief. I bring this up not to seek sympathy but to lay the foundation for my collection of tidbits. Folks, the emergency room is a strange place and the people who occupy it stranger still. Here are some bits and pieces from my recent travels...


1) Approximately one half of patients in Chandler, AZ are seeking medical assistance for...kidney stones. No kidding. One in every two visits we are treated to medical personnel informing the person behind the next curtain that "it will pass". *shudder*

2) According to the PA (physician's assistant) in the room next to us last night, "you'd be surprised how many folks come in with bugs in their ears". No, this was not some figure of speech. The woman he was treating had, in fact, arrived with a beetle scratching at her eardrum.

3) If you are an 8 year old with a Lite-Brite bulb stuck up your nose, you will be rushed down the 'Fast Track' hallway.

**with the two above examples, I am seriously considering stuffing a walnut up my nose next time we go in just to see if I can get a room faster.

4) It is perfectly acceptable to treat your 2 year old (who is there to for medical attention I might add) to Diet Pepsi and handfuls of Skittles at 4 a.m.

5) No matter what the programming or what time of day, the volume on the waiting room television is set to 180 decibels. This is especially peaceful in the wee hours of televangelists and infomercials.

6) If you already feel as if you’re going to throw up, Everybody Loves Raymond playing at previously noted decibel level *will* push you that extra mile.

7) Last night we witnessed a parade of around 10 family members of one patient (mostly children of around 10) marching back to their loved one’s treatment area with dinner in hand.

8) It is literally impossible to shock anyone working in the ER. These people have seen everything. You could walk in with a barracuda attached to your forearm and the triage nurse would blandly ask “and how long have you been having this problem?”

9) Bags of McDonald’s can be seen accompanying one out of four waiting room parties. Apparently, the emergency room is a great place for “lovin’” a chocolate shake and fries.

10) It is often impossible to tell which member of the Mickey-D’s group is actually sick. The hospital arm band is the only giveaway for the injured individual. This is especially true with children, and why it is difficult to have patience when these happy tykes get whisked away to treatment before you even see the folks in billing.

I hope I have passed on some useful information should you ever need to visit this magical land.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor in Superman Returns

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

New image released for Summer 2006 film Superman Returns.

As I still don't know what the plot of the movie might be beyond the first act, I have no idea what this scene depicts. But that looks like a burnt up Fortress of Solitude, doesn't it?
For more interviewing madness, Jim D. has resurrected his personal site.

Go visit his blog to read the Jim D./ League interview.

Read here.

For posterity, I will most likely repost the interview here later this week.

1) It is the year 2025. What is the state of The League?

Wow. Age 50. More importantly, it’s 2025. I guess if Her Dread Majesty Jenna Bush is allowing Betas to use the internet, I might still be posting. Sadly, my hands are now arthritic hooks from having to answer so many interviews from 2005-2008, making The League an all-interview site, welcoming politicians, celebrities and popular religious figures. Sadly, the interview with a deranged Jonathan Lipniki in 2021 led to an assassination attempt on Foreign Minister Tara Reid, and The League was forced to go underground.

What is the state of the world? What is the state of the US?

In 2016 the last election was held to vote whether the US was a red or blue country, voter turn out was 7%. Now all decisions are made by a group of five soccer moms in Kansas. Gravity is considered a theory, and most tax dollars are now going to the Julia Roberts monument where the reflecting pool on the Capitol Mall once stood.

Also, Japan is now run by an Asimo robot run amuck.

Where is Steanso?

Still in Austin. But dead. Once the SciFi Channel went off the air, he had too little to live for. At least that’s the story The Supreme Executors of Homeland Security had said after Steanso went online to complain about Patriot Act Version 27.0’s “we can peep in your shower” directive.

Where are the rest of the League's cohorts?

Randy: Jail
Nathan: Running the Bexar Co. Free Information Weather Underground
Maxwell: A mild-mannered theater manager. Of course, nobody has ever seen Maxwell and the Scarlet Cowgirl in the same place at the same time… hmmm…
Jim D.: Now living in a sod hut where Beaumont once stood before the Beaumont/ New New Orleans territory dispute of 2013. Can occasionaly be seen shooting at trespassers, wearing a hat made of a dead nutria and muttering about "hipsters"
Steven G. Harms: Somehow transcended flesh, space and time and is now a being composed entirely of energy and existing simultaneously in all places and all times
Reed: Has declared a small part of Austin, Texas, "Minnesota Southern Annex", and has opened a small shrine to the Minnesota Vikings
Jamie: Doing pretty much what she's doing now
Mysterious M: Living with her former pool-boy, Arturo, after having framed Randy for the murder of his boss

Has Jim replaced Roberts as Chief Justice?

There are no human judges in 2025. All questions are resolved with a 2 of 3 match of popular board game “Sorry”. No appeals.

Do we finally get to drive around in flying cars?

No. The first stallout of the first flying car meant a Macaroni Grill was vaporized when the fusion engine’s failsafe didn’t failsafe.

Will the blog still be around?

See above.

Is there a Mel II (cloned from Mel I, perhaps) running around?

Yes. But the experiment went totally awry. The new clone in a mile high and 1.5 miles long.

2) Your arch-nemesis has infiltrated League HQ and set it on fire.
Jamie and the animals are safe. You run back into the burning house. What do you rescue?

Wait… why did I just run back into the house if we’re all safe?

Do you even bother running back?

No! I fear fire!

Who would dare destroy League HQ?

Fire would, apparently. Or spiteful lawn service men whom I keep forgetting to pay.

3) Hollywood comes knocking. "League," it says. "Create for us - nay,
the world - the next great comic-based, big-budget, summer blockbuster,
action movie. You have complete control. Name the director (or direct
it yourself). Determine the plot and the stars. It's all about you!"
What do you do? What do you do?

Huh. Well, they’re doing Superman Returns, so that’s out. I liked the latest Batman film. I think I’d probably take the development money, hide for about three years, hire some graphics design majors and screen wiriting MFA candidates to crank something out after handing them a stack of comics, and then just ride off the development money unti they sued me.

If I actually had to execute, which doesn’t seem likely, given how Hollywood works, I’d have two options.

It’s tempting to say a mix of CGI and live-action We3.

Green Lantern. Origin story. Ben Bowder from FarScape as Hal Jordan. Sinestro would be the villain (no idea who the actor would be). Kilowog and Ganthet would be key, (Kilowog would have to be CG), and John Stewart and Guy Gardner could appear in the end.

I’d want Alfono Cuaron to direct.

4) With the success of the aforementioned movie, you purchase and
combine Marvel and D.C. What then?

I would never do that. It’s a terrible idea. They’re two separate companies with two distinct flavors. Wolverine, the Punisher and several others would all be in Arkham Asylum in DC Comics, and Superman would be routinely punished just for existing in Marvel comics.

That, and I doubt any amount of money would pry DC out of the hands of Time-Warner Communications.

5) In the year 2076, the League's biography is being written. What does
it say?

It says “Come for the freak, stay for the appendix!”

What do you want it to say?

“For tips on washing your dog in the tub, turn to page 225”

How many volumes will it take to depict the many adventures and misadventures of The League?

The fact that you think I have any adventures makes me wonder what blog you’re reading.

Monday, September 05, 2005

When "War of the Worlds" came out this summer, Spielberg was talking about why he made the film, and one of the things that popped out at me was that he wanted to capture "the American refugee experience", something we'd never had before.

I wonder if this comment will be excised from the DVD bonus materials.

A week later, and the reporters are charging in. "I'm in two feet of water" one of them was reporting today, but then the camera panned over, and he's standing in a deep pool of water on a street which is otherwise, completely dry. This is the sort of staged danger CNN's reporters are putting themselves in.

Already the snchors in the studios are asking the leading questions to their interviewees, the softball questions that, when they get their spun response, are going to let them go to bed tonight without that black pit in their stomach and that awful shade of guilt at the back of their minds. "So clean-up efforts are well underway?" "Oh, most certainly." "And you reacted as quickly as you could?" "Oh, most certainly." "And there's nothing different that could have been done?" "Oh, not at all."

Meanwhile the hundreds of thousands continue to flood out of New Orleans, Biloxi, and all points around and in between. Planeloads touched down twice today here in Phoenix, and folks will open their doors and arms.

I'm trying to make a space here, so that one day, when I go back and look in the months to come, because by then the talking heads and the pundits will have pointed their fingers, and anything resembling the truth will be but a faint memory. When we decide to rise up as a people and quit helping the people of New Orleans, and we start blaming them for living beside a levee, or for being too obstinate to abandon their city while the getting was good, I want to remember it how it was.

Little dogs left on rooftops, and people airlifted a week later. I want to recall that it was five days before the folks in the Convention Center could get out to use a toilet, and that bodies were propped up under blankets next to the living. That the criminals of the city went mad and were running their asylum.

I want to remember Fire Marshalls telling refugees that they can seat 80,000 people for a ball game, but they can't host more than 15,000 people for triage and food and water.

Mr. Spielberg, here is your American Refugee experience. It's not ending a week later in triumph with the tri-pods tumbling in defeat, nor with our hero walking to the steps of the brownstone to see his son. It's ending poorly.

As the real needs arise in the months to come, and we aren't still all reeling from the horror and the photos, and the finger pointing begins, let's try to remember that we wanted to help, didn't we? That we knew then that this was going to take work? And maybe even sacrifice?