Just a quick note about something that happens alot in movies and TV:
Small people with a few quick punches or a fancy kick can't usually actually knock down really big dudes.
Look, The League is a fairly big dude. And every once in a while while watching TV or a movie I'll see a 98 pound girl try a karate kick at some big guy who, of course, is standing completely still. What should be noted is that big guys are used to having to slog themselves around. Their bodies aren't a complete surprise to them. Stuff bumps into us all the time.
This probably isn't what very tiny people want to hear, but if the big person is at all used to fighting, your fancy kick is, at best, going to slow down the Really Big Dude.
Further, just FYI, it is really, really hard in real life to flip a big guy who doesn't want to be flipped. How many of you out there think you can pick up a 250 pound sack of rocks and throw it over your shoulder? Yes, yes... You can use someone's momentum against them. But if that person is any sort of experienced fighter, and unless you're a much, much better fighter, the big guy can probably deduce what you're up to and lean the other way. And even if he does go forward, how likely do you think it is he isn't going to grab you and land on you, Bruce Lee?
Sometimes I really miss my days in TaeKwonDo. But one thing I really don't miss is when I would have to spar people 1/3rd my size. (1) I always had to be really, really careful with small people. Small people tend to sail through the air in a really unattractive fashion with a solid kick. Or, if you mistime a spinkick and hit them in the back (illegal in TKD) they tend to just sort of go down. And then you have to go talk to their millionaire husbands and make them understand that there's no money there if they were thinking of sueing. (2) Small people can be a lot faster and be a smaller target. With the rules of sparring being what they are, this works in small people's favor. It's just a grossly unrealistic way of looking at how a fight would end if it wasn't a judged tournament. (Of course, some people just see you across the mat and they get "the fear", believing you will, in fact, take their block off. The League once had a high school kid run out of the ring away from him. It was sad.)
Now, I'm not saying small people can't take out bigger people, becasue they can and they do. The League has had his ass handed to him by many people, not the least of which was his alarmingly nimble instructor. Also, although not small, Dan Peters is a lot faster than he looks.
I'm mostly just trying to do two things:
1) dispel the notion that a fancy kick you saw on TV is going to do much if you're small
2) dispel the idea that big guys will generally go down with a single pop any more than small people might
So what should tiny people know? The League is no master of self-defense, but here's what we think:
Run away. There's no shame in running. Violence never solved anything. Except for proving to the Russians that our blue collar American work ethic could overcome the commies' science-zombie super-soldier boxer in Rocky IV. Suck on that, Mother Russia.
Go for the face. If you do connect, you're hitting a nerve point in there somewhere. Ears are good, especially if you can get a grip and pull real hard. Eyes are mushy. Noses hit properly will blind for a few crucial seconds. Also, the throat (not the neck) is good, too. Punch it hard.
DO NOT GO FOR THE CROTCH (unless you know what you're doing). This is usually taught in self-defense class, and I guess maybe it will work, but... Most guys learned to duck a kick to the groin at age 5. Ask any guy. Trust me, any dude who is paying attention will turn to the side, you will miss and they will be very, very angry. (This is also a constant movie cliche of over-confident bad-guys. They always stand squarely facing the target and within knee's reach. This is silly).
Use what's on hand. Your body is soft and fleshy. When flesh hits flesh, it hurts slightly more than hitting someone with a beef-log (unwrapped). You will also hurt yourself if you connect with bone. Just so you know, keys jabbing into your ribs hurt really, really bad. Phones and remotes make excellent projectiles.
Be loud. Don't just scream, scream that you're being attacked. Scream specifics. If nothing works, scream that there's a fire. People will always come to check on a fire, just in case. And don't quit screaming.
Anyway, that's a really long post inspired by a really dumb fight scene I just watched.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
ooooohhhh
The UK ToyFair is on in, uh, the UK.
The ToyFair is an event at which toy makers set up in a convention center and buyers from stores decide what they will stock for the next year (to some extent).
Anyhoo, it's gotta be a fun sort of thing to go to. They do have one in the US, and it usually inspires quite a few "Toys That Should Not Be" postings.
To see what toy The League wants, go here.
Jamie will be sad to know that this item will probably only be available in the UK.
The UK ToyFair is on in, uh, the UK.
The ToyFair is an event at which toy makers set up in a convention center and buyers from stores decide what they will stock for the next year (to some extent).
Anyhoo, it's gotta be a fun sort of thing to go to. They do have one in the US, and it usually inspires quite a few "Toys That Should Not Be" postings.
To see what toy The League wants, go here.
Jamie will be sad to know that this item will probably only be available in the UK.
Jim D's Conversational Shorthand Meme
Recently Jim D. said the following:
I have noticed that I have begun to use a conversational shorthand when conversing with people with whom I will likely never see again.
And then said:
...In the mere exchange of conversational pleasantries, is it easier simply to allow the conversation to run its course without the unnecessary addition of too many details?
Read all of Jim's post here.
And then Distorted Veracity chimed in here.
I'm going to pick up on the theme and try and turn this into some sort of meme.
In his travels, Jim's walking through a world of anonymous faces, and maybe that's a bit of what he's doing in Beaumont. I don't know, and I would hate to speak for him.
Surely as much as he's limiting his conversations for expediency, there has to be some knowledge that anonymity has it's virtues, and getting too attached to a waitress at the diner or the cab driver from the hotel isn't going to go much of anywhere.
I think I've sort of been doing this with every single person I've met since I arrived in Arizona.
Sure, there are a few people I talk to regularly and in some detail, but I am aware that I go for weeks on end speaking with only my office mates, my local comic shop guy and Jamie. That's been the sum total of my social circle since my arrival in Phoenix. I can't recall the last time I stood in the yard and talked to my neighbor or the last time I had a conversation with someone that wasn't really somehow work related.
I guess what's bothering me as I head towards my fourth year in the desert is the knowledge that there's been a certain distance kept, as if I know I'm just passing through this place. Most of the staff knows Jamie's name and she's met most everybody at least once, although I suspect some of our newer folks aren't even sure I'm married. Aside from that, I'm not sure how much I've really offered up.
Maybe a few people know my political views. Some could tell you a movie or two I like. Some could venture a guess at a book I may have read. Maybe a few could even tell you around when I was in college. For the most part I'm not sure how much folks know about me. Admittedly, that's a two-way street. I'm sure in most offices you're just not that involved with one another no matter how many hours a week you spend sharing the same recycled air. And maybe I'm misreading all of this, and maybe these folks all know me better than I realize. Maybe it's me that's missing out on the details.
The endless condition of acquaintance is not something I'll miss one day when I put the Valley of the Sun in the rearview mirror. I'm tired of working friendships and conversations where I edit and edit and edit before I feel like I've watered down whatever it was I planned to say until it was safe for public consumption. And maybe I'm wrong and that wasn't what I had to do in the first place, but when you're just passing through, sometimes you want to leave as few ripples as possible.
Recently Jim D. said the following:
I have noticed that I have begun to use a conversational shorthand when conversing with people with whom I will likely never see again.
And then said:
...In the mere exchange of conversational pleasantries, is it easier simply to allow the conversation to run its course without the unnecessary addition of too many details?
Read all of Jim's post here.
And then Distorted Veracity chimed in here.
I'm going to pick up on the theme and try and turn this into some sort of meme.
In his travels, Jim's walking through a world of anonymous faces, and maybe that's a bit of what he's doing in Beaumont. I don't know, and I would hate to speak for him.
Surely as much as he's limiting his conversations for expediency, there has to be some knowledge that anonymity has it's virtues, and getting too attached to a waitress at the diner or the cab driver from the hotel isn't going to go much of anywhere.
I think I've sort of been doing this with every single person I've met since I arrived in Arizona.
Sure, there are a few people I talk to regularly and in some detail, but I am aware that I go for weeks on end speaking with only my office mates, my local comic shop guy and Jamie. That's been the sum total of my social circle since my arrival in Phoenix. I can't recall the last time I stood in the yard and talked to my neighbor or the last time I had a conversation with someone that wasn't really somehow work related.
I guess what's bothering me as I head towards my fourth year in the desert is the knowledge that there's been a certain distance kept, as if I know I'm just passing through this place. Most of the staff knows Jamie's name and she's met most everybody at least once, although I suspect some of our newer folks aren't even sure I'm married. Aside from that, I'm not sure how much I've really offered up.
Maybe a few people know my political views. Some could tell you a movie or two I like. Some could venture a guess at a book I may have read. Maybe a few could even tell you around when I was in college. For the most part I'm not sure how much folks know about me. Admittedly, that's a two-way street. I'm sure in most offices you're just not that involved with one another no matter how many hours a week you spend sharing the same recycled air. And maybe I'm misreading all of this, and maybe these folks all know me better than I realize. Maybe it's me that's missing out on the details.
The endless condition of acquaintance is not something I'll miss one day when I put the Valley of the Sun in the rearview mirror. I'm tired of working friendships and conversations where I edit and edit and edit before I feel like I've watered down whatever it was I planned to say until it was safe for public consumption. And maybe I'm wrong and that wasn't what I had to do in the first place, but when you're just passing through, sometimes you want to leave as few ripples as possible.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Huh.
This is why I am a firm supporter of the red velvet rope.
You know, when I was in high school a security guard at the Houston Museum of Fine Arts got pissy with me for supposedly standing too close to a painting. I'm not sure what the proper distance is supposed to be, but I was looking at the brush work on a 300 year-old oil painting, so I can understand them being a bit touchy.
Note I said "a bit touchy", not "GET AWAY FROM THE PAINTING!" touchy.
That said, I had my hands folded behind my back and was only leaning in slightly. i doubt I was even breathing on the picture.
To this day I prefer science museums. Nobody ever gets mad at you for looking too closely at a geode.
This is why I am a firm supporter of the red velvet rope.
You know, when I was in high school a security guard at the Houston Museum of Fine Arts got pissy with me for supposedly standing too close to a painting. I'm not sure what the proper distance is supposed to be, but I was looking at the brush work on a 300 year-old oil painting, so I can understand them being a bit touchy.
Note I said "a bit touchy", not "GET AWAY FROM THE PAINTING!" touchy.
That said, I had my hands folded behind my back and was only leaning in slightly. i doubt I was even breathing on the picture.
To this day I prefer science museums. Nobody ever gets mad at you for looking too closely at a geode.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Weekend Round-Up:
Ah, what a weekend!
End of last week saw the end of an era at my job as co-worker Maria put in her resignation. While I'm very excited for her new opportunity, I am less excited about the length of time it takes to hire somebody at my Employing University. I suspect we'll see a replacement in, like, 6 months. The League strongly suspects he will be asked to wear two hats in the interim and then train the new person in the ways of our office. We also thought Maria was a pretty nice person, so we're going to miss her sunny disposition. And my office needs all the sunshine it can get. It's windowless. But, yes, I have an office all to myself. Eat that, private sector cube monkeys!
Friday night League HQ watched the Suns play the Atlanta Hawks and barely squeeze out a victory over a team they mangled in their last meeting. Good for the Hawks for not sucking anymore, I guess. Since we lost to the Cavs today, I have to wonder about The Suns' falling fortunes. We need Amare back. Now.
Saturday night Doug and Kristen were scheduled to come through PHX as part of a cross-country jaunt. They're assisting former SneakyFrog co-habitants MJ and Shannon in their big move from the Bay Area to Boston. It's a long story, and I'll let Doug tell it if you're interested, but due to some less than honest advertising the moving company didn't finish until 15 hours or something after they were supposed to finish. This delayed the first day of travelling completely, and meant that instead of arriving in time for dinner last night, Doug and Kristen rolled in around 1:00am.
We all sort of sat in the living room trying to be polite for about ten minutes before everybody headed off for bed.
MJ and Shannon came over for breakfast this morning (we had Kirby Lane pancakes and bacon), chatted for a while, inherited a Santor present (Klingon headpiece and make-up kit). I know for a fact that Kristen didn't pay for the thing, but got it at a gift exchange, so I'm wondering how many hands this thing has passed through, and how many more it will pass through before Santor releases this present from his grip.
Jamie had a brilliant idea today, and for some reason I went along with it for a few minutes. It was a beautiful 72 degrees and sunny as all heck, so Jamie decided she was going to "go nap in the backyard with the dogs". She grabbed a few towels, a blanket and a pillow, and with my half-hearted assurance that the dogs wouldn't bother her, she went out there to go lay down.
A few minutes later I looked out the window and Lucy was licking Jamie's head and Mel was circling. Deciding my presence was the missing ingredient, I planted myself on the towel. Mel lay down with the "bad end" toward my head and otherwise it was nice. For about ten seconds. Then Lucy came back by and dropped a tennis ball on us, and Mel started wagging his tail and kicking dirt and grass up all over us.
And thus ended the Great Backyard Nap Experiment.
While waiting for Doug and Kristen, I updated some of my links that were sadly out of date. RHPT.com, you are officially dropped from the blogroll.
Anyway, not much else.
Get over to Nanostalgia.com to see what's going on.
In the news:
Hussein trial: Is anyone else wishing we'd just grabbed Hussein and brought him to stand trial at The Hague? Between the mix of side-show and Kangaroo Court, this probably isn't going according to script.
Alito: I am not crazy about a guy Frist described as "a liberal's worst nightmare", but I'm also rolling my eyes at John Kerry's 11th hour attempt to get a filibuster.
Hamas in Charge: Democracy! Wow!
British Murdering Dude: As much as I want to believe people aren't all complete scumbags, I have learned to quit believing people are innocent until proven guilty when their children and spouse turn up shot and the most likely candidate happens to have skipped town at the same time.
Ah, what a weekend!
End of last week saw the end of an era at my job as co-worker Maria put in her resignation. While I'm very excited for her new opportunity, I am less excited about the length of time it takes to hire somebody at my Employing University. I suspect we'll see a replacement in, like, 6 months. The League strongly suspects he will be asked to wear two hats in the interim and then train the new person in the ways of our office. We also thought Maria was a pretty nice person, so we're going to miss her sunny disposition. And my office needs all the sunshine it can get. It's windowless. But, yes, I have an office all to myself. Eat that, private sector cube monkeys!
Friday night League HQ watched the Suns play the Atlanta Hawks and barely squeeze out a victory over a team they mangled in their last meeting. Good for the Hawks for not sucking anymore, I guess. Since we lost to the Cavs today, I have to wonder about The Suns' falling fortunes. We need Amare back. Now.
Saturday night Doug and Kristen were scheduled to come through PHX as part of a cross-country jaunt. They're assisting former SneakyFrog co-habitants MJ and Shannon in their big move from the Bay Area to Boston. It's a long story, and I'll let Doug tell it if you're interested, but due to some less than honest advertising the moving company didn't finish until 15 hours or something after they were supposed to finish. This delayed the first day of travelling completely, and meant that instead of arriving in time for dinner last night, Doug and Kristen rolled in around 1:00am.
We all sort of sat in the living room trying to be polite for about ten minutes before everybody headed off for bed.
MJ and Shannon came over for breakfast this morning (we had Kirby Lane pancakes and bacon), chatted for a while, inherited a Santor present (Klingon headpiece and make-up kit). I know for a fact that Kristen didn't pay for the thing, but got it at a gift exchange, so I'm wondering how many hands this thing has passed through, and how many more it will pass through before Santor releases this present from his grip.
Jamie had a brilliant idea today, and for some reason I went along with it for a few minutes. It was a beautiful 72 degrees and sunny as all heck, so Jamie decided she was going to "go nap in the backyard with the dogs". She grabbed a few towels, a blanket and a pillow, and with my half-hearted assurance that the dogs wouldn't bother her, she went out there to go lay down.
A few minutes later I looked out the window and Lucy was licking Jamie's head and Mel was circling. Deciding my presence was the missing ingredient, I planted myself on the towel. Mel lay down with the "bad end" toward my head and otherwise it was nice. For about ten seconds. Then Lucy came back by and dropped a tennis ball on us, and Mel started wagging his tail and kicking dirt and grass up all over us.
And thus ended the Great Backyard Nap Experiment.
While waiting for Doug and Kristen, I updated some of my links that were sadly out of date. RHPT.com, you are officially dropped from the blogroll.
Anyway, not much else.
Get over to Nanostalgia.com to see what's going on.
In the news:
Hussein trial: Is anyone else wishing we'd just grabbed Hussein and brought him to stand trial at The Hague? Between the mix of side-show and Kangaroo Court, this probably isn't going according to script.
Alito: I am not crazy about a guy Frist described as "a liberal's worst nightmare", but I'm also rolling my eyes at John Kerry's 11th hour attempt to get a filibuster.
Hamas in Charge: Democracy! Wow!
British Murdering Dude: As much as I want to believe people aren't all complete scumbags, I have learned to quit believing people are innocent until proven guilty when their children and spouse turn up shot and the most likely candidate happens to have skipped town at the same time.
Friday, January 27, 2006
My Precious....
So, yesterday while I was lathering up with some irish Spring in the ol' shower Jamie announced that she had lost her engagement ring.
For some reason I can't ever remember a time when Jamie's wedding band and engagement rings actually fit her fingers (my ring fits great, thanks for asking) and she spends all day doing two things:
1. Taking her rings on and off or switching them around on her fingers.
2. Using copious amounts of hand lotion to fight off the debilitating desert air.
I'd pretty much decided about 5 years ago Jamie would lose her rings at some point, and so when she announced she'd lost the ring I don't think I displayed the proper panic.
I did finish my shower, comb my hair and put on some undies in hopes of assisting, but was, instead, shoo'd out the door. Still, while I knew I was now going to have to save up to buy an all new engagement ring, I still don't think I ever really went overboard about the whole incident.
That, and it wasn't one of Jamie's two daily activities that had led to the whole debacle. Apparently she'd taken off her rings to eat ribs, and we'd gone to the ribs place because I like to go there and watch basketball on their giant TV. So Jamie was humoring me just by being there.
The ring, itself, is a copy of a family heirloom and actually has the diamonds FROM the family heirloom embedded in it. So, you know, you're really not supposed to lose completely irraplaceable family jewelry. And buying a new ring would have been a nice thing to do, but it wouldn't have resolved that issue.
Anyhoo, 9:30 last night they called and someone found the ring at Damon's. Hooray! Tonight we're stapling the ring to Jamie's finger.
So, yesterday while I was lathering up with some irish Spring in the ol' shower Jamie announced that she had lost her engagement ring.
For some reason I can't ever remember a time when Jamie's wedding band and engagement rings actually fit her fingers (my ring fits great, thanks for asking) and she spends all day doing two things:
1. Taking her rings on and off or switching them around on her fingers.
2. Using copious amounts of hand lotion to fight off the debilitating desert air.
I'd pretty much decided about 5 years ago Jamie would lose her rings at some point, and so when she announced she'd lost the ring I don't think I displayed the proper panic.
I did finish my shower, comb my hair and put on some undies in hopes of assisting, but was, instead, shoo'd out the door. Still, while I knew I was now going to have to save up to buy an all new engagement ring, I still don't think I ever really went overboard about the whole incident.
That, and it wasn't one of Jamie's two daily activities that had led to the whole debacle. Apparently she'd taken off her rings to eat ribs, and we'd gone to the ribs place because I like to go there and watch basketball on their giant TV. So Jamie was humoring me just by being there.
The ring, itself, is a copy of a family heirloom and actually has the diamonds FROM the family heirloom embedded in it. So, you know, you're really not supposed to lose completely irraplaceable family jewelry. And buying a new ring would have been a nice thing to do, but it wouldn't have resolved that issue.
Anyhoo, 9:30 last night they called and someone found the ring at Damon's. Hooray! Tonight we're stapling the ring to Jamie's finger.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
THE LEAGUE DISPENSES PARENTING ADVICE
This lady is really, really smart.
Do you know why I get to say this? Because I worked at the Disney Store for three summers and 1 summer at Chuck E. Cheese.
There's something about having kids under the age of 5 that makes some people convinced that Satan himself is trying to somehow corrupt your kid. 9 out of 10 times, it's nothing the kid would have ever noticed if the parent hadn't misinterpreted it and then made a big deal out of it.
About once every two weeks when I was a Disney employee making $5.00/ hr, somebody would locate me and start telling me how some tower in Little Mermaid looked too much like a penis, or they'd have to tell me how aghast they were at the famous "SEX" in the clouds in Lion King. The common denominator was that it was invariably something their stupid kid never would have noticed if Mommy wasn't getting her panties in a bunch about it. (How they thought their 2 year old child knew what an erect penis looked like was a bit of a mystery best left unexplored.)
I usually would humor these angry guests for a minute and then point out a manager. If a manager wasn't readily available, I would ask "Was your child upset by this?" which was probably not what Disney wanted me to do, but I figured I could probably find another $5.00/ hr job if push came to shove. Without fail, the child now only knew that the Disney Store was now suddenly a "bad" place full of wicked $5.00/ hr clock watchers but wasn't sure what the hubbub was really about.
Look, there is SOME stuff in Disney movies that shouldn't probably be there. The priest's erection in Little Mermaid comes to mind. That's no urban myth. The supposed one frame of Jessica Rabbit I've also seen confirmed. However... That stuff is fairly well hidden. If the two frames of filth have forever warped your child, you're a terrible parent and you're doing an awful job of preparing your kid for life. These are not the messages you get to relay when you don the polyester sweater and form fitting pants.
If the 1/24th of second of obscenity is bugging you that much, Disney has a policy that you can, at any time, return any Disney product to a Disney Store and receive some sort of refund. I am sure by offering up this info that I just broke a non-disclosure agreement, but it's true. If Mickey or Goofy are on the item, you can drop it there and get some sort of reimbursement.
The flipside of this is, of course, that for every one of these parents who is trying to shelter their kids from the storm, there's 5 of the "throw 'em in the deep end" variety dropping the f-bomb because they can't find the right size princess dress for their kid.
The League is not wholly convinced that these parents aren't usually one and the same. It all sort of depends on their mood and who they want to blame today that their kid is a little hooligan.
But this isn't Disney we're talking about. These are the post-Jim Henson muppets who speak in freakish falsettos and act like morons day after day and sell damned-near anywhere. But since he's a Muppet and not a Disney character, you can't return Elmo to the Disney Store. So...Before you jump in the Excursion to demand your money back at Wal-Mart, The League suggests you consider the following:
-If Elmo's weird little friend's garbled squeakings sound to you like "Who wants to die?" let's think of it as a Rorshach test, mommy. Maybe it's time for you to take a look around the house and see what needs changing.
-If Elmo's weird little friend is, in fact, asking "Who wants to die?", you gotta look at the bright side. Maybe your kid is just learning about goth kids at an early age.
-Finally, if you're reading your kid an electronic talking book about how to take a pee, The League would suggest you need to sit back and take a good, long, hard assessment of your life.
Look, if you want to be concerned about your kids learning how human beings are, I highly suggest locking them in a box until they're 18. Then let them out. As an adult with adult experiences, you may read all kinds of stuff into works which were never intended to be all that filthy. Further, calling CNN because there's bad audio in your Elmo read-a-long book is a cry for help.
Sometimes bad audio compression is just bad audio compression.
And that's the advice today from Uncle League.
This lady is really, really smart.
Do you know why I get to say this? Because I worked at the Disney Store for three summers and 1 summer at Chuck E. Cheese.
There's something about having kids under the age of 5 that makes some people convinced that Satan himself is trying to somehow corrupt your kid. 9 out of 10 times, it's nothing the kid would have ever noticed if the parent hadn't misinterpreted it and then made a big deal out of it.
About once every two weeks when I was a Disney employee making $5.00/ hr, somebody would locate me and start telling me how some tower in Little Mermaid looked too much like a penis, or they'd have to tell me how aghast they were at the famous "SEX" in the clouds in Lion King. The common denominator was that it was invariably something their stupid kid never would have noticed if Mommy wasn't getting her panties in a bunch about it. (How they thought their 2 year old child knew what an erect penis looked like was a bit of a mystery best left unexplored.)
I usually would humor these angry guests for a minute and then point out a manager. If a manager wasn't readily available, I would ask "Was your child upset by this?" which was probably not what Disney wanted me to do, but I figured I could probably find another $5.00/ hr job if push came to shove. Without fail, the child now only knew that the Disney Store was now suddenly a "bad" place full of wicked $5.00/ hr clock watchers but wasn't sure what the hubbub was really about.
Look, there is SOME stuff in Disney movies that shouldn't probably be there. The priest's erection in Little Mermaid comes to mind. That's no urban myth. The supposed one frame of Jessica Rabbit I've also seen confirmed. However... That stuff is fairly well hidden. If the two frames of filth have forever warped your child, you're a terrible parent and you're doing an awful job of preparing your kid for life. These are not the messages you get to relay when you don the polyester sweater and form fitting pants.
If the 1/24th of second of obscenity is bugging you that much, Disney has a policy that you can, at any time, return any Disney product to a Disney Store and receive some sort of refund. I am sure by offering up this info that I just broke a non-disclosure agreement, but it's true. If Mickey or Goofy are on the item, you can drop it there and get some sort of reimbursement.
The flipside of this is, of course, that for every one of these parents who is trying to shelter their kids from the storm, there's 5 of the "throw 'em in the deep end" variety dropping the f-bomb because they can't find the right size princess dress for their kid.
The League is not wholly convinced that these parents aren't usually one and the same. It all sort of depends on their mood and who they want to blame today that their kid is a little hooligan.
But this isn't Disney we're talking about. These are the post-Jim Henson muppets who speak in freakish falsettos and act like morons day after day and sell damned-near anywhere. But since he's a Muppet and not a Disney character, you can't return Elmo to the Disney Store. So...Before you jump in the Excursion to demand your money back at Wal-Mart, The League suggests you consider the following:
-If Elmo's weird little friend's garbled squeakings sound to you like "Who wants to die?" let's think of it as a Rorshach test, mommy. Maybe it's time for you to take a look around the house and see what needs changing.
-If Elmo's weird little friend is, in fact, asking "Who wants to die?", you gotta look at the bright side. Maybe your kid is just learning about goth kids at an early age.
-Finally, if you're reading your kid an electronic talking book about how to take a pee, The League would suggest you need to sit back and take a good, long, hard assessment of your life.
Look, if you want to be concerned about your kids learning how human beings are, I highly suggest locking them in a box until they're 18. Then let them out. As an adult with adult experiences, you may read all kinds of stuff into works which were never intended to be all that filthy. Further, calling CNN because there's bad audio in your Elmo read-a-long book is a cry for help.
Sometimes bad audio compression is just bad audio compression.
And that's the advice today from Uncle League.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
A Few Quick Items
A) Hey, look! It's Carla Beth! Carla was my roommate in college and a collaborator throughout film school. She's a peach of a girl, now living in North Carolina, and she's got her own blog.
For those of you wondering what Carla is up to, check it out.
B) I've posted an opinion on the Disney/ Pixar deal at Nanostalgia.com.
C) For a whole, wide array of Toys That Should Not Be, go here.
D) "Flava of Love" makes me weep for the Public Enemy of my youth. Yet I cannot look away.
E) I feel like I need a fifth item, but I can't think of one. Uhm. The new sandwich place I tried the other day promised my sandwich came with fries. What they did not say was that the fries were IN the sandwich. That was not good.
A) Hey, look! It's Carla Beth! Carla was my roommate in college and a collaborator throughout film school. She's a peach of a girl, now living in North Carolina, and she's got her own blog.
For those of you wondering what Carla is up to, check it out.
B) I've posted an opinion on the Disney/ Pixar deal at Nanostalgia.com.
C) For a whole, wide array of Toys That Should Not Be, go here.
D) "Flava of Love" makes me weep for the Public Enemy of my youth. Yet I cannot look away.
E) I feel like I need a fifth item, but I can't think of one. Uhm. The new sandwich place I tried the other day promised my sandwich came with fries. What they did not say was that the fries were IN the sandwich. That was not good.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Real Life Superheroes File: Mr. Silent/ Doktor DiscorD
Ah, it wouldn't be The League of Melbotis if we weren't supporting anti-social and possibly dangerous behavior.
You'll note that The League doesn't hesitate to post little blurbs here and there along the way about folks in costume trying to get things done. Grant Morrison called it, saying we'd start to see superheroes in the next few years. And I think we will. I don't think they're going to look a lot like Superman or Green Lantern (and I guarantee you, no Wonder Woman), but I do think people are going to put on masks and leap into action. I just hope it looks more like this and less like this.
And this brings us to the real-life case of real-life superheroes Mr. Silent and Doktor DiscorD. The comic blog-o-sphere has been ablaze of late chatting about the duo (calling themselves the Justice League of Justice) and their unsolicited attempts to clean up the streets of Indianapolis.
Mr. Silent, Doktor DiscorD and, I believe, "Doom Bunny"
Now, a lot of that chat has been about how these two guys are probably going to end up getting killed. I hope not. The League thinks we're in the 21st Century, and Real-Life superheroes are an idea whose time has come. We more or less already have supervillains (Bin Laden. Kim Jong Il. Kevin Federline.), and nobody to thwart them. Well, we have Condoleeza Rice, but that's the worst superhero name ever. It sounds less like a menacing avenger of justice and more like an undiscovered (but delicious!) version of the San Francisco Treat. And if you think that here in the U.S. of A. that we don't have nutjobs in costumes running around in masks who could use a good beat-down, I submit this.
Read an interview with Mr. Silent here and Doktor DiscorD here. And I guess this whole thing started over with Warren Ellis here.
Can we expect to see Supervillains? Well, Superman didn't come out of the gate fighting supervillains, and neither did Batman. The supervillains came along later.
The League isn't sure he's in good enough shape to actually stop any crime, and usually has to get up early for work, so we're not sure tights and a mask are in our future. A cape? Well, it'll depend on the weather...
Hopefully, all of this will go better than Jim D's ill-fated journey into costumed vigilantism.
Ah, it wouldn't be The League of Melbotis if we weren't supporting anti-social and possibly dangerous behavior.
You'll note that The League doesn't hesitate to post little blurbs here and there along the way about folks in costume trying to get things done. Grant Morrison called it, saying we'd start to see superheroes in the next few years. And I think we will. I don't think they're going to look a lot like Superman or Green Lantern (and I guarantee you, no Wonder Woman), but I do think people are going to put on masks and leap into action. I just hope it looks more like this and less like this.
And this brings us to the real-life case of real-life superheroes Mr. Silent and Doktor DiscorD. The comic blog-o-sphere has been ablaze of late chatting about the duo (calling themselves the Justice League of Justice) and their unsolicited attempts to clean up the streets of Indianapolis.
Mr. Silent, Doktor DiscorD and, I believe, "Doom Bunny"
Now, a lot of that chat has been about how these two guys are probably going to end up getting killed. I hope not. The League thinks we're in the 21st Century, and Real-Life superheroes are an idea whose time has come. We more or less already have supervillains (Bin Laden. Kim Jong Il. Kevin Federline.), and nobody to thwart them. Well, we have Condoleeza Rice, but that's the worst superhero name ever. It sounds less like a menacing avenger of justice and more like an undiscovered (but delicious!) version of the San Francisco Treat. And if you think that here in the U.S. of A. that we don't have nutjobs in costumes running around in masks who could use a good beat-down, I submit this.
Read an interview with Mr. Silent here and Doktor DiscorD here. And I guess this whole thing started over with Warren Ellis here.
Can we expect to see Supervillains? Well, Superman didn't come out of the gate fighting supervillains, and neither did Batman. The supervillains came along later.
The League isn't sure he's in good enough shape to actually stop any crime, and usually has to get up early for work, so we're not sure tights and a mask are in our future. A cape? Well, it'll depend on the weather...
Hopefully, all of this will go better than Jim D's ill-fated journey into costumed vigilantism.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Oh, Leaguers. The Suns almost went into triple overtime again this evening, but Allen from the Sonics hit a 3-pointer with only 1.5 seconds left. Nerves of steel on that guy. Anyway, one of the highest scoring games in NBA history.152-149. Yowza.
I watched most of the Seahawks-Panthers game. I was cheering for the Seahawks, but mostly because I was cheering for Mike Holmgren. And I cheer for Mike Holmgren because I look at the man and I know what I'll look like in 15 years. I also like Shaun Alexander, but how can you not be impressed with that guy even if you're not a fan?
Jamie's brother went to high school with Mike Minter on the Panthers, so we need to cheer for him, if not the whole team.
Editor's note: Jamie says "I went to high school with him, too - he was two years ahead of me and one behind Doug."
I really didn't care who won the Steelers/ Broncos game, except that I sort of admire Jake Plummer's whole "I really need professional help, but as long as I can throw a ball they give me money" thing. I hope to have all of my insanity forgiven one day because I have some money-making skill. Hey, who ever filled the void left by Wesley Willis, anyway?
I'm still coming down from a busy week of work. In FACT I was at work today for a while. Technical support doesn't just go on M-F, 8-5, occasionally on Sundays people expect service, too.
Jim D. sent me his copy of "Superman meets He-Man", and Leaguers, you can expect a review of that little gem just as soon as I can bear to relive the comic in that sort of detail. Despite my promise to purge my life of unwanted comics, I also recently picked up some back issues of Mister Miracle. I also picked up issues of "My Monkey's Name is Jennifer". I don't know why this comic makes me laugh, but, man...
This week may be full of wonder and surprises. If what I think may happen occurs, you people will be the first to know..
I watched most of the Seahawks-Panthers game. I was cheering for the Seahawks, but mostly because I was cheering for Mike Holmgren. And I cheer for Mike Holmgren because I look at the man and I know what I'll look like in 15 years. I also like Shaun Alexander, but how can you not be impressed with that guy even if you're not a fan?
Jamie's brother went to high school with Mike Minter on the Panthers, so we need to cheer for him, if not the whole team.
Editor's note: Jamie says "I went to high school with him, too - he was two years ahead of me and one behind Doug."
I really didn't care who won the Steelers/ Broncos game, except that I sort of admire Jake Plummer's whole "I really need professional help, but as long as I can throw a ball they give me money" thing. I hope to have all of my insanity forgiven one day because I have some money-making skill. Hey, who ever filled the void left by Wesley Willis, anyway?
I'm still coming down from a busy week of work. In FACT I was at work today for a while. Technical support doesn't just go on M-F, 8-5, occasionally on Sundays people expect service, too.
Jim D. sent me his copy of "Superman meets He-Man", and Leaguers, you can expect a review of that little gem just as soon as I can bear to relive the comic in that sort of detail. Despite my promise to purge my life of unwanted comics, I also recently picked up some back issues of Mister Miracle. I also picked up issues of "My Monkey's Name is Jennifer". I don't know why this comic makes me laugh, but, man...
This week may be full of wonder and surprises. If what I think may happen occurs, you people will be the first to know..
Happy Birthday to Reed T. Shaw!
Reed is now old and reportedly has a kid. Sure, he's keeping her in an igloo cooler with an iguana named "Rex" and feeding her only fish food, so I'm not sure what kind of father he is, but he's no longer care-free twenty-ish Reed T. Shaw.
In honor of Reed-O's birthday and to commemorate Reed's glory days, I provide us with the cover image of Lita Ford's 1983 album, "Out for Blood".
Enjoy.
Reed is now old and reportedly has a kid. Sure, he's keeping her in an igloo cooler with an iguana named "Rex" and feeding her only fish food, so I'm not sure what kind of father he is, but he's no longer care-free twenty-ish Reed T. Shaw.
In honor of Reed-O's birthday and to commemorate Reed's glory days, I provide us with the cover image of Lita Ford's 1983 album, "Out for Blood".
Enjoy.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Friday, January 20, 2006
Sorry about the pathetic lack of updates. It's one of my two or three seasonal super-busy times at work. That means lots of work during the day, some late hours, and then getting home and feeling sleepy. Indeed, too sleepy to blog.
For former KOers, Julie Parsons and her husband just had their first baby (Michael Joseph Pruski). I think he looks like Jim Parsons, but time will tell if that bears out. Speaking of Jim, he's in a new Carraba's ad. Keep your eyes peeled.
Uh, what else...?
There are some heated debates of no consequence going on over at Nanostalgia.com. I highly recommend you pop over there.
And, look, an iPod cover with the Superman logo! And I know a certain Superman fan who has a birthday coming up.
Yeah, really, I got nothing.
For former KOers, Julie Parsons and her husband just had their first baby (Michael Joseph Pruski). I think he looks like Jim Parsons, but time will tell if that bears out. Speaking of Jim, he's in a new Carraba's ad. Keep your eyes peeled.
Uh, what else...?
There are some heated debates of no consequence going on over at Nanostalgia.com. I highly recommend you pop over there.
And, look, an iPod cover with the Superman logo! And I know a certain Superman fan who has a birthday coming up.
Yeah, really, I got nothing.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
So Long, Hobbes
It's never fun to have to say good-bye to one of your own. Hobbes the ferret, a Loyal Leaguer and steadfast member of the Hop-a-Long Lounge (League Austin branch), has merged with the infinite.
Hobbes was a bright, fun, funny guy, and I'll miss the little sock. He was part of a duo, the aptly named Calvin & Hobbes, that saw Steanso through law school. He was also an excellent companion through Steanso's first years of practice.
Hobbes is survived by Steanso and Hopalong Cassidy.
For more about Hobbes, I recommend going to:
here
and
here
Via con dios, little buddy.
It's never fun to have to say good-bye to one of your own. Hobbes the ferret, a Loyal Leaguer and steadfast member of the Hop-a-Long Lounge (League Austin branch), has merged with the infinite.
Hobbes was a bright, fun, funny guy, and I'll miss the little sock. He was part of a duo, the aptly named Calvin & Hobbes, that saw Steanso through law school. He was also an excellent companion through Steanso's first years of practice.
Hobbes is survived by Steanso and Hopalong Cassidy.
For more about Hobbes, I recommend going to:
here
and
here
Via con dios, little buddy.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Delivered on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, Washington D.C., August 28, 1963.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal." I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal." I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today.
Spider-Man to once again temporarily get new costume/ possibly be a clone
I haven't been following SPider-Man's "The Other" storyline. It looks like he came out the other side much redder and shinier. I haven't read teh story, but right now it's most famous for (a) a dozen cover variants, one of which was Spider-Ham, and (b) Iron man was going to give Spidey a new costume. Which pretty much meant it had to be red and yellow.
Spidey covers himself in reflective surfaces
May this costume last less time than the Super-Mullet, and may it spawn a thousand toys for Marvel.
I haven't been following SPider-Man's "The Other" storyline. It looks like he came out the other side much redder and shinier. I haven't read teh story, but right now it's most famous for (a) a dozen cover variants, one of which was Spider-Ham, and (b) Iron man was going to give Spidey a new costume. Which pretty much meant it had to be red and yellow.
Spidey covers himself in reflective surfaces
May this costume last less time than the Super-Mullet, and may it spawn a thousand toys for Marvel.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
The Weekend in Review
Howdy, Leaguers. And what a weekend it has been. Whoo. E.
Friday night we went to IHOP, and I can't recall much aside from that. I think I worked on an item I'll bring up in a bit that was for Nanostalgia.com.
Saturday was errands. We also went to go see "The Ringer" on the recommendation of my cousin who works with Special Ed kids in Pflugerville. Apparently some of the kids she knows from her work (I wasn't clear if they were her students or not) are in the movie in the background Special Olympics scenes.
Without going into a full review (which is now the realm of Nanostalgia.com), "The Ringer" is different from what was advertised. It's not an overly complicated movie, but it's certainly not what was advertised. I don't know how laugh-out-loud funny the movie is, but it also wasn't a syrupy-sweet after school special, either.
Uh, what else. We watched the Suns play the Cavs on TV. And, uhmmm..
Today I got up and headed down to Tempe to watch my buddy, Octavio, complete the PF Chang's Marathon. I have no idea what his time was, but he finished after some people and before a lot of other people. It was amazing to watch all of these crazy people crossing the finish line having had run 26 miles. We, uh... we walked like half a mile from the parking garage to the finish line to meet up with Octavio. Jamie kept saying things like "Oh, you have to mention that on The League." The only item I can recall is that I loaned my cell to some guy as he finished so he could call his wife. The guy had qualified for the Boston Marathon, which is pretty neat, but he made my phone sweaty.
Anyhoo, poor Octavio runs like 26 miles and the first face he sees is my ugly mug hooting and hollering. That's no reward.
I washed the dogs today, which is becoming a lot trickier with Lucy. She does not like the loud bathroom and being confined to the tub. She's bigger and stronger these days, so it's a lot of fun trying to do the job.
Hey, remember when The League wrote about the Star Wars Christmas album and Meco showed up in the comments section? That was weird, right?
I've been living in the comments section of "Return to Comics", and had recently shared my wisdom with Kurt, the guy who runs the joint. I had, in passing, mentioned a creator as a case in point as she had been in the comic web-o-sphere of late. The Beat had mentioned something I thought assisted an argument, and I used it.
Anyhoo, I thought I was writing about the Sony Reader and the future of electronic comics. Things haven't really degenerated into anything all that crazy, but, nonetheless, The League was quite surprised to get someone who is actually mentioned pop up. (Where was the dude who made Aliens v. Predator? That guy I would have given the business...). The creator I'd mentioned suddenly popped up in the comments like an HOUR after I'd put up the initial post.
Read here.
Because The League doesn't really expect for you to click on the link and follow the whole deal, it went sort of like this...
The League: Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast!
Jim D: It jumped up a notch!
The League: It did, didn't it?
RHPT: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart!
The League: I saw that! RHPT killed a guy! Did you throw a trident?
RHPT: Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident!
The League: RHPT, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.
Howdy, Leaguers. And what a weekend it has been. Whoo. E.
Friday night we went to IHOP, and I can't recall much aside from that. I think I worked on an item I'll bring up in a bit that was for Nanostalgia.com.
Saturday was errands. We also went to go see "The Ringer" on the recommendation of my cousin who works with Special Ed kids in Pflugerville. Apparently some of the kids she knows from her work (I wasn't clear if they were her students or not) are in the movie in the background Special Olympics scenes.
Without going into a full review (which is now the realm of Nanostalgia.com), "The Ringer" is different from what was advertised. It's not an overly complicated movie, but it's certainly not what was advertised. I don't know how laugh-out-loud funny the movie is, but it also wasn't a syrupy-sweet after school special, either.
Uh, what else. We watched the Suns play the Cavs on TV. And, uhmmm..
Today I got up and headed down to Tempe to watch my buddy, Octavio, complete the PF Chang's Marathon. I have no idea what his time was, but he finished after some people and before a lot of other people. It was amazing to watch all of these crazy people crossing the finish line having had run 26 miles. We, uh... we walked like half a mile from the parking garage to the finish line to meet up with Octavio. Jamie kept saying things like "Oh, you have to mention that on The League." The only item I can recall is that I loaned my cell to some guy as he finished so he could call his wife. The guy had qualified for the Boston Marathon, which is pretty neat, but he made my phone sweaty.
Anyhoo, poor Octavio runs like 26 miles and the first face he sees is my ugly mug hooting and hollering. That's no reward.
I washed the dogs today, which is becoming a lot trickier with Lucy. She does not like the loud bathroom and being confined to the tub. She's bigger and stronger these days, so it's a lot of fun trying to do the job.
Hey, remember when The League wrote about the Star Wars Christmas album and Meco showed up in the comments section? That was weird, right?
I've been living in the comments section of "Return to Comics", and had recently shared my wisdom with Kurt, the guy who runs the joint. I had, in passing, mentioned a creator as a case in point as she had been in the comic web-o-sphere of late. The Beat had mentioned something I thought assisted an argument, and I used it.
Anyhoo, I thought I was writing about the Sony Reader and the future of electronic comics. Things haven't really degenerated into anything all that crazy, but, nonetheless, The League was quite surprised to get someone who is actually mentioned pop up. (Where was the dude who made Aliens v. Predator? That guy I would have given the business...). The creator I'd mentioned suddenly popped up in the comments like an HOUR after I'd put up the initial post.
Read here.
Because The League doesn't really expect for you to click on the link and follow the whole deal, it went sort of like this...
The League: Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast!
Jim D: It jumped up a notch!
The League: It did, didn't it?
RHPT: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart!
The League: I saw that! RHPT killed a guy! Did you throw a trident?
RHPT: Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident!
The League: RHPT, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Ughh... I already know I will probably nerd-out over this show.
I was such a sucker for the first two Blade movies (although the 3rd one wasn't my favorite). I'm not even one of these guys who likes to dress in all black and thinks vampires are super cool. I just liked the Blade movies a heck of a lot. Well, again, maybe not the third one.
Blade TV series.
I was such a sucker for the first two Blade movies (although the 3rd one wasn't my favorite). I'm not even one of these guys who likes to dress in all black and thinks vampires are super cool. I just liked the Blade movies a heck of a lot. Well, again, maybe not the third one.
Blade TV series.
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