Monday, July 25, 2005
a full report
As Jamie and I drove away from the airport today, heading home from our fabulous weekend, Jamie turned to me and said, "You really can't write anything funny about the weekend. Jim will hang himself."
True enough, I suppose. But the weekend was terribly fun, even if my personal amusement was at the expense and discomfort of others. Why? It's always about The League, here at The League.
This fine weekend, The League dumped off the pets at the PetsMart PetsHotel, jumped a plane and took a small journey to Spring, TX. We then popped over to Beaumont for the first ever Assemblage of Loyal Leaguers.
We arrived in Houston on Thursday, just in time for dinner. Had dinner with The League's parental units in their palatial suburban abode, hung out and rapped for a bit, and then toddled off to bed.
Friday was a day of slack. The League crawled out of bed, lurched downstairs and came face to face with young Kelsey B., my folk's two-year-old next door neighbor. Kelsey is about 22" of pure dynamo, and we're all expecting big things out of her.
Dad and I sort of puttered and drank coffee, tried to do a headcount of who the hell all was coming to dinner my mother had planned, and then Jamie and I took to the pool at the Spring, TX annex of League HQ. The pair of us bobbed and floated, took in some daylight (which, refreshingly, wasn't cooking the meat off of our bones) and then chilled. The Admiral and I set sail for ice cream and ice, and made a side-trip for me over to Bedrock City Comics (a fine, fine chain of comic shops in Houston) where I picked up the seminal "Last Superman Story" issue, a signed John Bryne comic and a TPB of "Stray Toasters" which I had been looking for for about 15 years.
The admiral shook his head in disappointment and we headed for Kroger to get Vanilla and Magic Shell.
Loyal Leaguers Shannon C. and Josh Q. Lowry showed up first, followed quickly by John and Julie B. (married just this spring). Jason arrived in short order with Cassidy the three-legged dog in tow. Completing the massing, Peabo arrived with his long-suffering wife and utterly confused sister-in-law (who is in our fair nation studying up on her English).
I tried to catch up with as many folks as possible, but it was a bit of physical challenge, given how I hadn't seen most of the folks represented in many months. Nonetheless, the company of all in attendance was appreciated. We staye dup too late and talked possibly too much.
Saturday we all finally got out of bed, showered, ate and hit the road for BMT.
As Loyal Leaguers will be able to tell you, Jim D. is involved with the Board of Directors at Beaumont's historical Jefferson Theater. He's been involved with the Summer Film Series at the Jefferson, and, as such, had secured a print of the director's cut of the 1978 film masterpiece, Superman: The Movie.
With Steanso, Jamie and The League in one car, and Peabo, wife and sister-in-law in the other, we made it to BMT far later than originally planned. But that's the magic of trying to politely wrangle that many people, all of whom are there because they want to say hello to you, and all of whom have said they want to go along with your hare-brained scheme to see the Superman movie.
Well, something also got lost in the translation (literally) as Jeff explained to Adriana and Lucy that we were going to a Sneak Preview of "the new Superman movie." Jeff's not a "details" sort of guy, I suppose, and the change fo plans didn't bother him. Further, he'd promised a beach to Adriana and Lucy, but a beach was not to be had. Alas.
Anyhoo, our merry troop met up with Jim D. and RHPT.com at Carlo's Ristorante in Beaumont, and for the first time, I met RHPT.
Firstly, Randy is exactly the same height I thought he'd be. No taller nor shorter. Nor larger nor smalled. His photographs pretty much tell the whole picture. What the photos can't convey is that Randy's a very nice, sharp guy with an odd tale to tell about a flood in his house.
We had a lovely lunch at Carlo's, then headed over to Jim's preferred comic shop, at which I found a few Superman comics which I snatched up immediately. One of which was the classic "Kryptonite No More" comic from back in the day, which I suspect was a bit underpriced.
From there we took a colorful tour of the back streets of BMT, trying to get around a train. I thought maybe Jim planned to kill us all and dump our bodies in the tall grass, but we eventually did located the Jefferson Theater.
The Stately Jefferson Theater
The Marquee announcing a line-up sure to make fanboys wet themselves
Let me state that The Jefferson easily rivals Austin's Paramount Theater in it's decor and venerable charm.
We entered the lobby to the sound of pipe-organ music, which Steanso pointed out was playing "YMCA". The Jefferson employs an organist, a wonderful gentleman we had opportunity to speak with, who also had music for Superman, which he had mastered.
I was disappointed only in that I don't live in BMT and will not be there in the next few weeks for the Wild West Series which he has promised to preceed with "The Magnificent Seven" and other great themes from some of my favorite movies.
There was a very nice man playing the organ, but, clearly, he was not playing when I went downstairs to get a picture.
We were also referred to a few pizza joints in town and told to ask for specific organists. So Jamie and I are actually going to go to Pipe Organ Pizza this weekend if Lou is playing. Should be fun.
Jim suggested we go to the balcony for the best view and to get a nice, old-timey theatrical experience, so we went upstairs and selected some seats.
Included in this shot are some of the pipes to the pipe organ. Plus an idea of how nice the interior is at the Jefferson. Shot, I might add, from the balcony.
Jamie demonstrates the proper enthusiasm for Superman: The Movie
The lights dimmed, we took our seats and the movie began.
Look, sometimes things happen nobody can control, and, people, it's not Jim's fault. But just as the Planet Krypton exploded into a radioactive mass, hurling kryptonite chunks to the far reaches of space, the projector died. Or, more accurately, the shutter broke on the projector.
The organist leapt back to his position and kids began dancing around the theater, some family stole our seats and Randy fell asleep, complaining of exhuastion.
Steanso eagerly awaits the next reel of the film.
But, as I say, sometimes things happen.
Sadly, the film could not be shown, and we all got refunds.
The League Assembles!
left to right, RHPT.com, Steanso, Lucy, Adriana, Peabo, Mrs. League
Jim had some business to take care of at the theater, so we abandoned him and took our ticket money and headed for Crockett Street where we holed up for the next few hours and drank beer and chatted.
All said, we had a really good time talking to Jim and meeting Randy. It was a heck of a lot of fun to actually see each other and not rely on comments sections and e-mail to communicate.
Jim has apologized, and it's totally unnecessary. He's a champ for getting the film in the first place, and we all apprecaite the work he did. Sometimes technical glitches happen.
Anyhoo, we were SUPPOSED to fly out Sunday morning, but Jamie wasn't feeling well at all, so we delayed and flew out today instead.
So, long story short, I spent Sunday chilling out with my mom.
Anyway, thanks again to all Loyal Leaguers who could participate, and special thanks to Jim for making the whole thing possible. You're #1 in my book.
Why city authorities have requested Superman just fly over intersections instead of pressing the button and waiting for the cross-walk.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
When I was a kid, KBVO showed Star Trek in the late afternoon. I was fascinated with the complex stories, crazy concepts, melodrama and the endless rainbow of alien women Kirk picked up in his voyages across the stars. (But why not pick up Uhura? She was smart, sassy, always cool and collected, and Star Fleet uniforms require female officers to have nice legs... The League suspects that Kirk fears commitment)
But I didn't idolize Kirk. McCoy was too much of a cranky space doctor, and Spock... Spock was sort of too cool and distant to really want to idolize.
Now, Scotty. Scotty got to take over the ship whenever the big kids went planetside, he was usually safely out of harm's way, and he ran his own shop down there with his dilithium crystals. Sure, the Captain could yell at you that he needed more power, but he didn't know how to get that power, did he? No. Scotty did, so how could he even really check up on you without admitting defeat and having to send that freak, Spock? Also, Scotty would duck out of engineering anytime he felt like it to go beaming people up and down from planetside.
Yup, I thought Scotty was all right. And while I was fully aware I lacked the capacity to be an engineer, I did learn that being in a position of power with absolutely no resposibility tied to it can be a glorious thing.
In the Star Trek movies Scotty was used both as a Deus Ex Machina and as comedic relief, and James Doohan finally got the praise he deserved. He also appeared in Satr Trek: The Next Generation as Scotty.
Sadly, Jimmy Doohan passed away today.
He will be fondly remembered at The League.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
JOIN THE LEAGUE AT A SCREENING OF SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE
Hey, The League is headed to meet up with RHPT.com, Jim D., Steanso and a cast of thousands for a screening of Superman: The Movie.
Friday we're in Houston (Spring), and Saturday we're all headed for the BMT, and you should be, too.
We'll be at the Jefferson Theater around 3:15 - 3:30pm on Saturday for the screening of Superman: The Movie. The show starts at 3:45.
For details and the Jefferson Theater website, click here.
Afterward, we plan to hang about in Beaumont and have a drinky drink somewhere near the theater.
Want to be a part of the action?
Well, try showing up, and then locating the two lumbering giants with the very pale girl, and you'e just found The Family Steans.
It is The League's sincere hope that, plied with enough booze, Steanso will be convinced to reenact the famous "railway" sequence from the film.
If you want to try to meet up, e-mail me by clicking the image of the Justice League up in the top left corner of the site.
Go here to read The Beat's coverage.
Jim Aparo was a penciller and artist on Batman and Detective Comics when I was first getting into the Batman books. To this day I still consider Aparo and Norm Breyfogle to be the guys I associate most with Batman comic art. Frames from Aparo's "Death in the Family" series are still locked in my mind as seminal Batman images.
One bit of trivia: DC has a map of Gotham somewhere in their offices that they use for consistency between writers as Batman and Co. make their way across town. So beloved was Aparo as a Batman artist that, like a few other Bat-artists before him, Aparo has a few landmarks in the fictional Gotham City officially named after him. The Aparo Expressway and Aparo Park will link his name with Batman for years and years to come. It's a small honor, but will help future readers learn more about the craftsmen who helped shape their favorite characters.
Thanks, Jim, for everything.
You can read more about Jim Aparo here.
Monday, July 18, 2005
MECO visits The League
So, on December 2nd 2004, The League posted regarding the League's favorite Christmas album, cult holiday classic, Christmas in the Stars.
Anyhow, today Randy suggested I track down a certain perpetrator of ill-will toward Mother League, and a single name caught my eye.
meco
For some bizarre-o reason known only to HaloScan, it doesn't indicate that I have any comments on this post, but the post is actually rife with comments. Not the least of which is a comment from 70's and 80's pop superstar Meco, producer of Christmas in the Stars and Star Wars Disco.
Meco had this to say:
I am the producer of the Star Wars Christmas album. In answer to two of your questions - That is really John Bon Giovi singing. He was 17 at the time and is the cousin of my producing partner, Tony Bongiovi. I ausitioned several people to sing that song, and finally settled on John. That really is Anthony Daniels who flew into New York for one week to sing - or should I say speak - his parts. After my success with the dance versions of Star wars and The Empire Strikes Back, I worked very closely with George Lucas, who approved every song and lyric before I recorded it. After it was finished, George read the credits and had his secretary call me to ask if "Concept by Meco Monardo" - could be changed to - "Concept by George Lucas and Meco Monardo". The record compnay had already pressed 150,000 copies but agreed to make that change in the next pressing. Unfortunately, the record company, RSO Records, went out of business in November of 1980. Their number one group, The Bee Gees were going to sue them for back royalties.
Can you believe it? MECO HAS BEEN TO THE LEAGUE. It's a little like looking into the face of a bajillion stars. Only I still have my corneas and my skin dodn't burn off.
Meco must have been doing a little Googling when he found The League as he posted this in May, several months after the initial posting. And, as such, I almost didn't notice.
In a way, I now have to thank the person who said awful things in place of my mother, because without them, I never would have known Meco Monardo, or someone pretending to be Meco, had stopped on by at The League.
Part of why this is so odd is that the Meco Star Wars record was one of the first records I ever owned, right after Disco Duck and maybe the Grease soundtrack.
Man, this is weird. Wish I'd seen the post earlier.
For the weblink left by Meco, click here.
Soooo...
I was up to no good last night and I noticed... it's exceedingly easy to go onto CafePress.com and set up a shop.
Now, I like to think it'll be a sweatshop of some sort with lots of little children toiling away in sub-Saharan heat, but thats MY dream.
The question I put to you is this: Is it worth my time and effort to go and set up a design or two for official League of Melbotis merchandise? Items would include t-shirts, caps and possibly coffee mugs.
Now, the nice thing about CafePress is that once the design is in, that's it. You'd order the shirt and, voila! You got a shirt in the mail in a few days. I know the ranks of The League are too small for me to even dream of trying to make money doing this, so I wouldn't add on any profit to the cost of the shirt. That should help keep costs down a bit.
If you think you'd be interested, post to the comments section.
I was actually trying to get a review completed for Comic Candy.
The review is full of grammatical errors, but I invite you to go check it out.
Review of All-Star Batman and Robin, the Boy Wonder
I've asked Jamie to review Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I will be reviewing the massive acne breakout I've suffered since going on my chocolate splurge.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Hey,
So when does Lucy get to join the league?
Dad
Hello, Dad,
Melbotis very, very excited to hear from Admiral. Admiral is nice man who often have towel for Mel.
Unless this letter from Mel's dad. Which would be AMAZING. If so, Hello, Daddy. Mel never met you, but Mel suspect you were also a big boy. Mel is very happy to hear from you and hope you are having good life, but why you never write before? Perhaps you joined evil Empire like Darth Vader? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.....
Mel not ready to burn you on funeral pyre while teddy bears have party.
Anyhow, Lucy is very annoying, but chubby couch man say Lucy must stay. Sometime pale lady not so sure, but chubby couch man insist. Anyway, Mel mostly only figurehead at League and does not make much policy. BUT, last Mel heard, Lucy have Junior Membership in League, but not expected to perform duties of full-fledged members.
Mostly, Lucy run around and eat grass, chew on Mel's head and take away toys Mel want to play with. She live in box at night and during hot part of day. Chubby man explain this is "C.S.Tuh." Mel not understand.
Anyway, Daddy, Mel hope you are happy dog, and hope you know Mel is good boy and have own website. Hooray!
-Mel
Thursday, July 14, 2005
So...
Remember the dude who teamed with Michael Jordan and the Looney Tunes gang to teach a whole generation he could fly (or was it them? I can't recall...)? Just who was that man singing that inspirationally treacly tune?
R.Kelly. That's who. The film: Space Jam. Yeah, I saw it. Shut up.
R.Kelly then used the launchpad of his success with Taz and Co. to do two things:
1) create a series of videos which were operatic in nature, belying the over-produced goofiness of R.Kelly's substandard R&B stylings.
2) get charged with 21 counts of child pornography.
For the past few years, it's been the latter of R.Kelly's two achievements that has really been grabbing headlines.
Well, good news for music lovers. R.Kelly is back! And this time he's come with an astounding creative vision, an operatic saga of Wagnerian proportions. Crossing the span of five songs and five music videos, R. Kelly's opus is curiously dubbed "Trapped in the Closet".
Yes, "Trapped in the Closet." R.Kelly's not afraid of ducking the big social issues. Like picking up chicks at bars and then having to hide from their husbands in, you guessed it, the closet.
This sort of stuff more or less makes up the entirety of the 5-song cycle.
Now I know all of you want to dash off to watch all the videos, but maybe you don't have 20-25 minutes to dedicate today to R. Kelly? Well, The League is here to assist.
Remember how in the summer you'd get a job and you'd be working with people you just don't know in the slightest, and then in Day 2, they decide to start unloading all of their Jerry Springer personal lives on you? And you begin to formulate a theory that this person seems to have designed their model for proper behavior between human beings by watching endless hours of Melrose Place and The O.C.?
And despite the fact they're managing to bore you AND make you uncomfortable with their stories, you can't manage to just shush them. After all:
1) Your mama raised you to be polite and listen
2) You figure that if they're telling you, it must be very important and maybe they've decided you're the only person they can talk to (until you realize every single person around knows the entire story by heart by now)
3) You figure if they're bothering to tell you this incredibly convoluted story with a half dozen characters and an obvious chain of incredibly poor choices on the part of the narrator, my GOD, there's got to be a point...
And then the person finishes the story and asks you what you what you think, and you're left standing there wondering, since their story has made you seriously consider the legitimacy of mandatory sterilization for the very first time, that maybe you're a closet fascist.
Well, that's R. Kelly. R.Kelly is the moron who sat in front of me that bleak summer at North Harris Community College who couldn't pass any exams whatsoever. R.Kelly is the twit who took up my coffee break three consecutive days at Chuck E. Cheese. R. Kelly is the flake I sat next to at defensive driving. R. Kelly is the angrily irresponsible boob Real World casting agents salivate over.
What does the song cycle accomplish?
The sheer scope of the project screams "epic", and you can almost feel it. This is IT. This is R.Kelly's big artistic moment, his chance to prove he's not just a guy who takes pictures of underage girls. He's a serious artist with a big picture of the world that he simply must share or he might explode.
And, apparently, he's a guy who doesn't think it's weird that he doesn't need to come home to his wife at night, and that he will cheat on his wife after a drink or two. We also learn that he's a serious artist who doesn't wear protection (nor even shower) after finding out about the wild world of sexual intrigue he's just foisted upon himself.
Re: the title
I don't want to give anything away. Someone in this tale is, in fact, gay... Is it R.Kelly? Well, the title would suggest exactly that. But, in a completely unsurprising display demonstrating a total lack of subtely on R.Kelly's part, R.Kelly as narrator is not revealed to be gay. He's actually trapped in the literal closet.
It is another character who disappears after Song 3 that is figuratively "in the closet". And while Figure #3 is important, he's not really central enough to make you think he should really be grabbing the title.
The whole enterprise sort of leaves you wondering. Is R.Kelly that naive to think that the title wouldn't raise a few eyebrows, or were the extra two parts of the song just R. covering his tracks? The world may never know...
Now, for no particular reason a gun enters late in Track #1, adding both an alarming insight into R.Kelly's first line of defense in a confrontation and a lot of awkward and pointless gun waving during the interminable Track #2.
Musically, all 5 tracks are the same indistinguishable mass of steady beats and audio loops. What's supposed to be carrying all five tracks, in theory, is R.Kelly's vocal. There is a sort of rhyme and meter, but the entire thing feels more like R.Kelly made up as kooky of a story as he could while floating in the tub and then added a few loops behind it.
Still, you doubt The League? Here are some of my favorite lyrics.
Damn, here comes a police man
He drove right up on me and flashed his light
Then I pulled over without thinkin twice
He hopped out the car and walked over to me
And said license and registration please
I looked up at him and said
Officer, is there somethin wrong
He said no, except you were were doin 85 in a 60 mile zone
Then I said officer
Let me explain please
Ya see the truth of the matter is
Is that I have an emergency
He said no excuses
And no exception
I said this is some bull...as he gave me the ticket
Tellin' it like it is. Reportin' from the streets. It's R.Kelly. For all the lyrics, click here.
The truth is, this actually reads about 10 times better than it actually sounds.
Leaguers, I simply CANNOT RECOMMEND "TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET" ENOUGH. It's a rare thing when one sees a project so obviously important to an artist, a project so near and dear to an artist's heart that they want to say, "THIS IS IT! THIS IS THE ONE THEY'LL REMEMBER ME FOR!" And it is rare that such a labor of love is such a complete trainwreck of misery and crapola completely exposing the artist for the hacky schmuck he really is.
To watch the entire epic, click here.
I have no idea what TP.3 means. Maybe it's slang for "The law requires that I inform you that I am living in your neighborhood."
It's San Diego ComicCon time again, and that means it's time for a whirlwind edition of TTSNB.
As always, The League is just leeching off the good work done by the folks at Action-Figure.com.
The San Diego ComicCon has become a real launchpad for new toy lines and showcasing new product from existing toy lines aimed at collectors. So not all toys in this edition of TTSNB are necessarily TTSNB. There are also toys The League finds to be of interest.
DC Direct usually just makes DC Comics related merchandise, but recently decided to add items to thier line which include other WB properties. Not the least of which is the popular Looney Tunes characters. The League tittered like a little girl at seeing the new Looney Tunes Golden Age collection.
You can have your action heroes and I can have mine. Johnny Cash gets his own action figure from SOTA TOys. I can't wait to see the battles between Johnny and Megatron.
Do the chickens have large talons? Now you can decide! Set up Cage Fighting matches between Napolean and Kip. Make up your own election speeches for Pedro! Envision your own, unique dance for Napolean! All your wildest dreams will come true with these collectible figures from Napolean Dynamite.
Personally, I wanted a Debbie figure with her handcart loaded with plastic crates.
Vote for Pedro.
Did you enjoy seminal 80's action film "Die Hard"? The League did. Coming soon, the folks at Palisades Toys will be bringing you adorable likenesses of our friends Hands, John, and Argyle. But, curiously, no Al.
The League is so far most excited about a new line of DC COmics toys from Mattel which appear to tie in with the Batman line The League has been so fond of (anyone remember The League welcoming Killer Croc home?).
While The League is puzzled over the Batcentric nature of the toys, The League suspects Mattel had some Bat-TOys all ready to go when they decided to go to a DC line instead of a strictly Bat-Centric line. We're hoping we see a Wonder Woman and J'onn J'onzz in pretty short order. But we do have a new Bizarro, and that ain't all bad.
This may also explain why DC Direct is now moving into creating non-DC Comics related figures.
update: I forgot the link to the new DC figures.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Reed-o has some interesting links to share.
On the subject of Lance Armstrong, go here.
and here.
For race updates, here.
And, hinting The League and Mrs. League might do well to look into the sport, Reed sends along a story about The World Wife Carrying Championship.
You can read here and here.
Being of the Finnish persuasion, i wonder if I wouldn't have a genetic disposition for toting around wives. Especially my own.
Quick Suggestions for Further Reading:
All-Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder is coming out today. Run, do not walk, to your local comic shop. Get it while the getting is good.
Written by Frank Miller
Pencils by Jim Lee
Click here for the previous SFFR to read up on Age of Bronze Vol. 1.
FANTASTIC FOUR
So, The Legue took in a special weekday journey to the cinema to catch up with Marvel's latest foray into the world of celluloid.
Jack Kirby created the FF after leaving DC and Challengers of the Unknown behind. Stan Lee pretty much forced him to turn his adventuring team into super heroes to help him launch Marvel Comics, and it worked. For forty years the FF has been the First Family of Comics, and is billed as "The World's Greatest Comic Magazine." A loyal fanbase the FF has. And Marvel does a good job of replicating the spirit of the comics while recreating the origin in a world without Commies to beat into space.
As anyone who has ever spent more than twenty minutes perusing The League can tell you, I'm going to dwell on the fidelity of the comic-to-big screen adaptation. Which is pretty close, actually. Four (well, five) people go up into space to check out some cosmic rays, something goes wrong, cosmic rays bombard our heroes and amazing powers are bestowed upon the heroes.
The Four (well, five) return to Earth and fight Mole Man. Well, no Mole Man, but I don't think you're going to hear anybody complaining that the first adventure didn't include Mole Man. Instead, we've jumped to villain numero uno. Lucky number 5 up in space is Dr. Victor Von Doom of Von Doom Inc., a company powerful enough to own it's own space station with gravity replicators. But, a company which has not yet gone public.
Curiously, instead of giving Doom a pathological hatred of Reed for being right about some calculations (and Doom being wrong, and this leading to an experiment exploding in Doom's face, scarring him and pledging a life of anti-Reedism), in the movie, Reed sort of does shoulder some plame. During our space mission, Reed forgets to carry a zero, and realizes the space storm isn't coming in seven hours, it's coming in seven minutes. He tells our hapless CEO, Doom, about the predicament. Doom tells him he should probably get rolling with his experiment (having just spent a billion dollars getting everyone into space. Note to self: Leave at LEAST a day early for space-based experiments).
Next thing we know, kablooie! Our heroes (and, we learn later, Doom) are bathed in cosmic rays.
After an improbable scene atop a bridge (either Georhe Washington or the Brooklyn Bridge...) the FF become Media darlings, and for some unexplained reason, this makes Doom's IPO tumble. Doom, however, is left holding the responsibility ball and is told his company is now, uh... doomed, thanks to the failure of the space project. (Talk about putting all your eggs in one basket. Diversify, Victor!) Ironically, for once, a villain appears to have a fairly legitimate reason to be irritated with a superhero movie's protagonist. Oh, that, and Reed steals his love interest. So, yeah...
Anyhoo, a vast majority of the movie is dedicated to the FF discovering their powers and dealing with suddenly being dumped into the media spotlight. And then Doom goes crazy and tries to kill everyone. And he has super powers and no accent, although he's from a tiny Eastern-European country.
Anyway, the Four get their act together and have a somewhat interesting battle with Doom in Vancouver/ NYC. The Thing picks up an HBC (Hot Blind Chick), Johnny zips around sporting the best effects of the movie, Reed's effects are uniformly terrible, and Sue's effects are sort of old hat, so...
Anyway, is it close to the comic?
Well, sort of. The Baxter Building is there. Willy Lumpkin, the FF's mailman, makes an appearance. It's still early in the game for a Fantasticar or HERBIE, or Annihilus or, uh... Galactus. And we are saved from the menace of explaining the Inhumans. In one major departure, Ben Grimm is given a wife he can lose, but she's not around as much more than a plot point before disappearing.
Von Doom's past is changed, but, more than anything, Julian MacMahon is just never properly threatening. In fact, as mentioned before, you sort of get the feeling that maybe he has a lot of legitimate reasons for not liking Reed Richards. Sure, he's a bit egotistical, but he just seems like a run of the mill jerk with a lot of dough. To his credit, he appears interested in being helpful to the FF for the first half of the movie, not to mention concerned for the future of his company, which, no doubt employs hundreds of loyal little scientists, office admins and janitors.
The final act just never really leads you to think Doom is really all that threatening, and while MacMahon isn't exactly lighting the world on fire, Tim Story's direction of MacMahon just sucks. Doom is not the kind of guy who picks up a rocket launcher, walks to a window and fires it. Doom uses robot minions to do his dirty work, and would never lower himself to getting his own hands dirty. Also, Doom has sort of a regular guy voice for the face that literally inspired Darth Vader.
As Sue Storm, Jessica Alba does little more than act bratty and fill out a spandex suit. One is left to wonder, aside from her Barbie-like features, what an egg-head like Richards would want with Sue? She yells at him and lays passive-aggressive guilt trips on him like a perpetual bad-ex-girlfriend machine. Not to mention arbitrarily shouting at her brother. But she's pretty, so we know our hero will love her by movie's end. Her invisibility effects are okay, I guess. Nothing innovative makes it's way into that department at all.
Chris Evans plays Johnny Storm just as he is in the comics. Broad, silly, but with a conscience. And, again, the best effects seem reserved for the Human Torch sequences.
Initially I was disappointed that The Thing was not a CG generated 7' high 4' wide behemoth. And part of me is still disappointed that isn't the case. At times the Thing's latex costume is convincing, but whenever he turns his neck, you can see that it's Chiklis in a rubber suit. Still, he looks like he's got better mobility than either of Keaton's Batman suits. I guess The Thing was fairly close to Lee and Kirby's initial take. Chiklis doesn't embarass himself in the role (or suit), and given the kiddy audience this movie is intended for, his pathos at becoming The Thing is probably heavy enough. Nobody likes a whiner. Chiklis wisely goes with understandably grouchy.
The dude playing Mr. Fantastic probably didn't need to read any comics to get Reed Richards down pat. He's just a guy who loves his work and has forgotten about everything else in his quest for the advancement of science. His power is to stretch his body mass into any shape he likes. Sort of like the ultimate Stretch Armstrong. The Mr. Fantastic FX are, as noted above, quite lame. But I never really cared too much. It took me out of the moment a bit, but after w hile you can play a game where you try to decide what part of mr. Fantastic is actor and what part is colored polygons.
Most disappointing was the creative team's lack of Kirbyism. Jack's name is up there in the credits right next to Stan's (a shout out to fans who know who REALLY dreamed up the FF), but no sign of his wild vision for the FF's unique technology makes it into a single frame. Instead, everything looks sort of as if it were purchased at Fry's electronics. Where are my Kirby-dots when Doom crackles with energy? Where are the wavy lines over glass? The unnecessary zigzags? The odd reflections of endless miles of steel tubing? Where are my pronounced bottom lips and sleepy looking eyes?
Dammit, man! I wanted KIRBY! Where's my fill of villains with improbably designed headgear?
Also, for some odd reason, the script makes it sound as if Reed is a genetcist. Which is fine, I guess... But the FF in the comics are adventurers, not guys working ont he human genome project. Nor are they superheroes with capes going out on patrol. They're a team of professionals ready to jump in the Fantasticar (designed by Reed) to drive through the transdimensional gate (also designed by Reed), to collect data with instruments (designed by Reed), for application in industrial projects (by Reed). Unfortunately, they often run afoul of transdimensional beasties and alien warlords in their travels. And it was this adventurous attitude that got them bathed in cosmic rays in the first place.
In truth, the movie was better than I expected. It's certainly more enjoyable than the forgettable Daredevil, but is still a far cry from the rare-achievemnt of the Spider-Man movies. The story and characters are terribly kid friendly, and a part of me would have loved to have seen more toys and doo-hickeys (Fantasticar, HERBIE) for younger fans to have as $20 plastic toys.
Maybe next time around.
Not only does the film jump up and point to the likelihood of a sequel, it's made enough this weekend alone to justify a second round with the FF.
Monday, July 11, 2005
The League Presents:
TOYS THAT SHOULD NOT BE
The Longhorn Po-Boy Enthusiast
Anyone who lived in Austin got used to occasionally seeing local eccentric and body-modification nut, Enigma, out and about from time to time. The first few opportunities running into Enigma at 2:00 am at Magnolia Cafe was always sort of titillating. "Don't look, don't look... okay, NOW!" you'd always say to the person who hadn't seen Enigma and/ or his Cheetara look-alike girlfriend.
But after a while, you'd be headed into Kinko's to photocopy your tax forms or headed into Longhorn Po-Boy to grab lunch, and there was Enigma. And that's sort of the trouble with naming yourself "Enigma" and trying to set yourself apart from the rest of us regular jerks. The magic is sort of gone the second someone sees you actually doing the same mundane bulls**t everyobody else has to do. (I would love to see Enigma having to water his yard. Seriously. It gives me the chills just thinking about it.)
Having no discernable talent not held by the average 19-year old in Austin, Enigma has sorted of traded on his modification at freak shows and a brief appearance on X-Files about 10 years ago.
Encouraged by the attention, Enigma remains true to his vision for himself, and while something about all that ink sort of makes you feel that the man just needs a big hug, you also have to admire his ability to sit in a chair while somebody pokes him.
Palisades Toys has just announced that Enigma will be turned into a tiny, abstract little action-thing for collectors of this sort of stuff.
The League admits to a twinge of jealousy at this man's ability to dye himself blue, but The League is also a sucker for a steady paycheck and health insuance.
Also, why is the toy gray?
In reviewing "Fantastic Four", I believe Roger Ebert just said, "Well, I'd like to see Jessica Alba in an Invisible Bikini." And then later went into how Alicia Masters and Ben Grimm would need a "reinforced bed" if we're to believe their romance should come to it's logical conclusion.
Thank you, Roger, for taking something delightful from my childhood and making it high-octane nightmare fuel.
Correction: this will make Steanso wet himself even more.
Soulhat returns! Whoo-hoo!
Thanks to Jim D. for the link.
And no thanks to Steanso for dragging me unwittingly to a Soulhat show in 1994.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
this image would be hilarious if I could get it to show up the right size. Click for full-sized hilarity.
THE LEAGUE GOES TO SEE WAR OF THE WORLDS
ZAP! BLAM! ZORCH!!! KA-POWIE!!!!!
Since The League was a wee tot, he's been a bit interested in HG Wells' tale of horrific panic, War of the Worlds. I confess that my interest hasn't really been in the novel (which I finally attempted to read this spring to, uh... mixed results), but in the 1938 radio broadcast and 1953 film versions of WoW.
In 7th grade I had initially heard about the mad panic caused by Orson Welles' broadcast, and located tapes of the show. For those of you unfamiliar with the 1938 broadcast and ensuing panic, I HIGHLY suggest you read up on the broadcast here. The radio broadcast is absolutely worth listening to for more than nostalgia reasons. Just imagine tuning in a few minutes late and it sort of boggles the mind.
In 1988, a TV series based upon the 1953 movie was released. Staying mostly in continuity with the movie, WoW: The TV series suggested that the 1953 attack had been a scouting mission of some sort, and in 1988 the aliens were finally getting off their duff and getting serious about taking over the planet. The show was 1) not that great, 2) got real weird real fast, and 3) was on at some awkward time, so I didn't catch it all that often.
It DID lead me to rent the 1953 movie which, along with the debut of MST3K, led me to a love affair with classic sci-fi, good and bad, which continues to this day. (It is no coincidence that both War of the Worlds and MST3K both have characters named Dr. Clayton Forrester.)
I still watch the original film about once a year. Sure, it's a bit dated and sexist, but it's good at what it does, and I can still remember how it scared me the first time I saw it. The ship design is still excellent. Sound FX, alien FX and force field FX still hold up remarkably well.
War of the Worlds relies on poking and prodding your fight or flight responses. Unlike Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, or even the aliens from ID4, the aliens in WoW can't be fought, can't be slowed, can't be tricked with some nice flying and a Mac with a wireless connection. They're pure unstoppable force with no points of weakness. To see a tri-pod is to see death arriving.
So how does Spielberg's War of the World's stack up?
Pretty well, I guess.
It should be no surprise that the special effects, sound design, set design, etc... are all top notch. The tripods look and sound phenomenal. Scary, monstrous stuff, taking cues from both the novel and the 1950's film (sound FX and the look of the force fields). And while I like the gliders from the 1953 version, it's no secret that the gliders were there because the special FX folks couldn't animate a 3 legged vehicle without it tumbling over. This crew makes it work.
The tripods seemed to have more of a functional purpose in previous incarnations, given the aliens' physiology. There's nothing really wrong with the current look of the aliens, but by taking away the fact that the aliens are using the tripods for tasks (ie, violence) their bodies can't perform, it somehow takes away the cold thuggishness of the three-eyed blobs as they go about their business.
Oh, three eyes? Not in this movie, baby. These joyriders are all about stereoscopic vision. Seemingly the love child of tea aliens from AI and ID4, it's all elbows, long limbs and beady little eyes. It's a nice design, but I sincerely liked the squat blobs of the 1953 version a bit better. Not to mention that the horrible three-part eye was about all you really saw of them. (creepy little three-eyed bastards).
The film uses images of devastation with great effect. Unlike the fireball devastation of, say ID4, Spielberg's WoW tears apart freeways and overpasses, blasts apart intersections and disintegrates buildings, brick by brick.
Tom Cruise is, and I hate to say this, pretty darn good. As much as he annoyed the hell out of The League in The Last Samurai, Tom uses that cocky charm to good effect in this film (for maybe five minutes when things go boom). Yes, he is a jack-ass, but in this movie, he's our jack-ass.
Dakota Fanning is good, I guess. I've read some reviews which talk about her giving an Oscar-worthy performance, but I don't know if that's quite how I see it. Sure, she's good, but, you know...
The story flows along at a good pace, although it does eliminate the familiar "standing around the spaceship until bad stuff happens" scene which found it's way into the book, radio show and movie. The script definitely borrows elements from the book and 1953 film (avoiding detection in the house) to good effect.
The movie does a fairly good job of propelling itself along (at breakneck pace) while integrating memorable character moments. Some of these are Spielbergian character moments of goofy sentimentality, but it's not that they don't work or even necessarily insincere. They're just... sort of... Squishy.
A lot of items remain unnecessarily unexplained. And while War of the Worlds has never gone out of it's way to get into the minds and motivations of the aliens, some items simply could have used a little clearing up.
beware: HUGE SPOILERS AHEAD
Unsurprisingly, the points at which the script strays furthest from the original concepts are where the story runs into trouble. Innovations like the aliens inserting themselves via lightning strike goes beyond defying physics to defying logic. Were the aliens just floating around in a cumulonimbus for the past million years? Is there a mother ship or not?
The film suggests that the tripods sat dormant for millions of years. How on earth were the tripods not identified under the streets of NYC, Boston, Chicago? Why did the aliens wait a million years?
Waiting a million years suggests that the aliens had been to earth before. Wouldn't they be aware that they were going to keel over if they'd visited earth before?
Further, this Modus Operandai suggests that this was most likely not the first time the aliens had used this MO for invasion. Have the aliens not yet learned the value of a good, sealed space suit?
And if they had a million years, why didn't they just nuke earth from orbit and come back when the radiation was gone? Or use cows for their evil schemes instead of people?
end spoilers
The movie makes more sense in the context of Mars invading earth, and while the movie never explicitly says where the aliens come from, the logic behind the original movie, radio show, etc... somehow seems to add up slightly better.
That said, the movie is a good popcorn movie. It may, in fact, win some academy awards for sound and visual FX. And while WoW will most likely continue to be interpreted for film, TV and who-knows where else, this version certainly won't do the general property that is WoW any disservice.
Anyway, all in all, fairly enjoyable.
I also saw the trailer for Peter Jackson's King Kong. People (I'm looking at you, SGH) seem bent out of shape about this movie being made. I'm not really sure why.
Look, I love the original King Kong. I think it's a great adventure movie, but, let's be honest, it's not 1933 anymore. The story should still work for audiences today, and today's effects are a direct descendant of the original Kong.
It's got a gorilla and dinosaurs. Thus, it has already earned my $8.00.