I don't even know what to say.

This should be a terrifically funny story, but it's not. It's scary.

Read here about The Swarm.

Some links to help you waste a few precious minutes of your miserable existence:

Titanic (re-enacted by bunnies in 30 seconds). Thanks to Randy for the link.

Best (free) online video game, ever. Thanks to Jamie for the link. (this is sort of the video game equivalent of the average student film...)

Introducing the "So Far, So What?" Awards

AKA: THE MELLIES

Leaguers, every year in late December or early January, better bloggers and publications than The League publish an end of the year re-cap of the year's entertainment, news, deaths, etc... It's usually done up in a "top five" or "top ten" list of the year. Or else just a "single best of the year" award for multiple categories.

Others publish stories on how stupid these lists are. Others publish relatiatory articles saying "nuh uh! It ain't stupid!" Too which, the first guy says "Oh, yeah it is!"

And it all ends in tears.

The truth is, everyone does much better lists than I'd ever compile, and since we're slightly more than half-way done with 2004, let's see where we're at.

The League is looking for submissions for "The 2004 Mellies."

Here's the rules for nominations:

1) All entries must contain a few words as to why your selection tops the category
2) No more than two selections per category per person.
3) Out of all entries, four will be selected for voting.
4) The nominated selections are selected by a complicated algorithm based upon number of repeat nominations and how funny the reasons are
5) Nominating ends June 30th.
6) Then we vote
7) We must submit a minimum of one nomination per category, or you may not nominate at all. Special Randy Rule: You may not complain that you don't know. Make something up if you have to.
8) Try to stick to things which were released or occurred since January 1, 2004. Try not to project into the future for things you have not yet seen or experienced.
9) Any reasons for any nominations you give may see print. Be sure you want your first name associated with your opinion before you start dropping the f-bomb all over the place.

Categories:

1) Most loathsome celebrity (non-political)
2) Most loathsome television program
3) Most loathsome movie (theatrical release)
4) Most loathsome band/album/ song
5) Worst idea of the past 6 months
6) Best television commercial
7) Clearest, bluest day
8) Best candy
9) Least tragic event.
10) Worst blog topic at "League of Melbotis."
11) Best name for Jill's forthcoming child (sex is unknown. Submit one for each!)
12) Best item at Taco Bell
13) Most loathsome Democratic presidential nominee
14) Best book you read
15) Other blogs of wonder
16) Which former POTUS (President of the United States) do you know least about, but want to know more?


Sure, it's an unweildy list of categories, but I know you guys are up to it. Submit your nominations to me via e-mail. In early July, I'll post the voting and we can get cracking.

Sadly, there are no prizes for anybody this go round. Prizes are a huge hassle.

TOYS THAT SHOULD NOT BE

New Leaguers may not be familiar with what was once a staple of The League, and that's Toys That Should Not Be. TTSNB relies strongly on the adult collector market for toys, and is usually much more prevalent during Comic Convention Season as the toys are unveiled.

Now the problem I've had with TTSNB is that pretty much anything MacFarlane TOys puts out these days falls into this category. MacFarlane went from creating action toys of the popular Image Comics characters such as Spawn and... uh... I'm sure they've had other popular characters. But then they started this licensing jazz where they did very nice sculpts of movie properties, such as Hellraiser. And then they got bored as too few licenses were available or something, and they've moved into either public domain territory (ie: their horrific Wizard of Oz figures), and now into actual horror stories. Oh, and sports stars. They have a cool Yao figure I saw, but you have to assemble him as he's literally too tall for the packaging.

Which brings us to the curious case of the Elizabeth Bathory action figure. For those of you not in the know, Elizabeth Bathory was an Eastern European aristocrat who decided the best way to preserve her beauty was by bathing in a bathtub of the blood of young women (I'm not sure if they had to be virgins or not). At any rate, it is, in fact, a true story. And I kind of want to barf just thinking about it.

But MacFarlane toys not only thinks this is a neat story, they think you need this on the shelf next to your Chewbacca.

TTSNB proudly presents (oh, this is rated R, so scram out of here, you hooligans) the Elizabeth Bathory Action Figure and play set.

You can also see more real life horrors turned to action figures here. Note the "accessory pack". And the "Billy the Kid" action figure, while looking NOTHING like photos of the real deal, is one hell of a cool looking figure.

bored to my toes, I blogged quite a bit over the weekend. Please inundate yourself with my boring reflections.

My abs hurt. Seriously. The gym is slowly killing me. I don't think my abs have hurt in years.

I am Ryan's abs.

Jim D., quite rightly, accuses me of relishing in schadenfreude in his un-review of Garfield: The Movie.

It's not that I like to see bad things happen to good people. It's that I enjoy seeing unfortunate things happen to people I like, especially when all that's at stake is cost of a ticket and the loss of two hours. It reminds me that it isn't just me.

Anyway, regarding Garfield...

I welcome Loyal Leaguers to read past my inane ramblings on pop-phraseology and get to the meat as Randy Reviews Garfield: The Movie. From what I hear, despite some bleeding from her tear ducts during the viewing of Garfield: The Movie, Emily is in stable condition and able to take visitors.

I humble myself before Maxwell who has more than fulfilled her end of the bargain and finally filled us all in as to what the big mystery was, but also because of mud pies and art.

God bless us, everyone.

I heard a bastardization somewhere today of the bling-bling. It was referred to as "the ching-ching." The vultures are already making off with the rancid parts, and I never saw the hyenas.