Halloween Spooky Tales! Day 1

By Jamie McBride Steans

Ok, I'm going to attempt to write a Halloween tale for you. You kinda put the kibosh on anything ultra creative by insisting it be true.

The house I grew up in, a 2 story with large attic and basement, was built in 1905 (Aught-5!) by early Lawtonian William H. Quinette. This was a great house for kids and my older brother and I spent hours playing in the vaulted-ceilinged attic (complete with large wasp nests and large wasps) and three roomed basement. The only place I refused to go was the storm cellar, which had no light and to my recollection harbored a spider convention.

When I was about eight years old, my dance instructor revealed to me that when she was in high school she had been friends with a girl who used to live in my house.

Dance teacher: "You know it's haunted, right?"
Me: "No it's not."
DT: "Yeah, the guy that built the house died in the master bedroom. [Dance teacher's friend's name] saw his ghost on the front stairs once."
Me: "No she didn't"

But it was too late. Even though I didn't believe in ghosts, my dance teacher had successfully managed to totally freak me out. For five full years not once did I use the front staircase after dark, terrified that I would meet face to face with old Bill Quinette. For five years after that I would only use those stairs on occasion at warp speed (yes, I did this well into my teens. shut up). I never did see a stupid ghost and it's a miracle I did not fall and bust my ass on the stairs while fleeing the imaginary Mr. Quinette. Maybe he liked us and didn't want to scare us away. I can only hope he appeared to greet the next owners after they felt it necessary to paint my old room orange.

ROUGHLY 1000 POSTS, AND STILL ABSOLUTELY POINTLESS

This is the 998th post on The League. Can you believe it? Sometime tomorrow, I reckon we'll be at 1000, depending on how funny the news is.

In reality, we've already passed 1000. In the beginning, I almost gave up the ghost a week or so in. Luckily, Jim D. was there to slap me back to my senses, AND he still had my postings in his cache. I reposted, and I think if you look, my "first day" of posts is about a week's worth.

So 1000 postings. Should be cause for some sort of celebration, but, instead, it kind of makes me feel a little weird about all this. I mean, I've probably got 2-4 times more posts than most bloggers who've been around a similar duration. And my readership is still completely unknown. That, and it's actually a little bit of work, and ain't nobody paying me to do it.

The hits I get come mostly from people either looking for nude photos of Ann Coulter (a creepy past-time, not to mention... do you REALLY think anyone ever got their hands on nude photos of Ann Coulter?) or else they come from IMDB.com. Jim tends to take my posts regarding movies, TV, etc... and then do my legwork for me, linking IMDB back to The League.

The rest of my hits are either people looking for images I happen to have, the occasional creepy search for "ryan steans", or "melbotis". But at least 50% I have no idea who they are. If it weren't for the comments section, I'd feel I was completely howling into the void.

So where does the League go from here? I have no idea. More of the same, I'd guess. Probably less Britney Watch. That's been unpopular.

I guess you can continue to expect a lot about Superman, comic books, movies, TV, Superman, Arizona, Austin, Superman, the cat, the dog, parental visits, Superman, Halloween, Christmas, bad lunches, bad pop stars, Superman, etc...

As always, Loyal Leaguers SHOULD be the driving force behind The League of Melbotis. We aren't shy, and we certainly welcome topics of all shapes and sizes. So, you know, if you have a topic you'd like to see batted about here, speak up.

I do feel bad there wasn't some profound 1000th anniversary post, but, you know, I've been busy and this kind of snuck up on me. Maybe on the actual third anniversary.

So as a sort of 100th post anniversary thing, let's see how many of you will pop up in the comments section and say "aye". I'm just curious about my readership.

The Weekend in Review (post 997)

So, let me start by saying Garfield: The Movie really, really sucks. Really, really, really sucks. Even my planned cackling at the career dips of Breckin Meyer and Jennifer Love Hewitt didn't pan out. I mean, I just... felt... sorry for them. They looked permanently stuck in a toothpaste ad.

The truth is, Garfield can't really withstand a review, because I really don't have enough time nor do I know enough words to eviscerate this flick properly. But suffice it to say, look... this movie, like so many adaptations, had nothing to do with the original material. And one wonders, short of fulfilling a contract with Jim Davis, why on earth this project ever received the green light.

I laughed exactly once during the 80 minute movie, and that was Garfield's homage to Apocalypse Now's "Never get off the boat" scene. The movie sort of half-lifted the story from "Here Comes Garfield", but took so many turns for the worse, you'd really have to know what you're looking for to draw the parallel.

Clearly the film's producers had two ideas in mind in making the movie (1) children's movies are so idiot simple, characters should in no way be funny, or interesting or developed (2) Whatever made Finding Nemo, Shreck and Toy Story so popular with adults and children... let's do the opposite and make sure the parents' brainwaves only become engaged when counting product placements (and for the Daddies... whenever JLH appears in a tiny dress).

The final scene of the movie looks like a demo real showing Garfield dancing. And this was the second time I laughed. By this point, the movie had broken my spirit, and it was either laugh or cry.

"It... it just... sucks... so... bad"

This weekend also has marked the arrival of the Christmas Season. I saw my first Christmas present commercial this evening on ABC Family (yes, I am watching "The Hollow"), and then they ran an ad for ABC Family's 12 Days of Christmas. So, 2 Christmas commercials in 30 minutes.

That isn't to mention that the lights are going up on Mill Avenue, or that Bath & Body doesn't already have up its Christmas display.

But this is Halloween Week, and so I've been trying to keep it Halloweeny up in here. In that spirit, we watched 1932's Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Which is way creepier than I remember the version I read as a kid being.

Also, the in-laws were here. We watched some football, got lost in downtown Phoenix, and spent a few quality hours at the Arizona State Fair (turkey leg.... mmmmm).

And did anyone else catch Ashlee Simpson go into meltdown on Saturday Night Live? man, if there were any justice... But, of course, nobody will care. is it any surprise she's lip synching and playing with a band which clearly hates her? Bwah ha ha ha ha

And Jim e-mailed me story of interest to Texas Exes.

TEX is being retired.

It's a little like hearing the dog you played with in college died. I'm kind of sad about it. Sure, registering online is 10x more efficient, but where's the thrill of the hunt? Where are the 7:50 A.M. alarms so you can roll over and start calling? Where's that screaming, "F**k you, TEX!!!! F**k you!!!!" when you can't get your class? Where's the shout of "whoo-hoo!" when you do get it? Man, the kids today will never know.

DAMMIT!!!

Did I care if John Kerry or W were here for the debate last week? No.

But how could I have known that by avoiding the debate, I would accidentally sidestep the greatest interview journalist of the last 20 years?

Click here to download a series of interviews on Spin Row at the Tempe, AZ Presidential Debate.

This takes a while to download if you aren't on a high speed connection. And if you aren't on a high speed connection, GET WITH THE 21st CENTURY, YOU TROGLODYTE!!!!

Thanks to Jim D. for the link.

Okay, you lazy bums!

One last outstanding call for Halloween-themed stories!

I have only three stories submitted and cooling in the freezer.

THREE.

The only thing scary about this contest is how my flagging readership refuses to participate.


Elvira knows submitting a story to The League is the patriotic thing to do. You don't want to be un-American, do you? Well, do you?

Look, I know a lot of you are putting a lot of extra pressure on yourself and thinking your story won't be scary or funny enough or whatever. Well, by jiminy, we think you're plenty funny and plenty scary, so quit psyching yourself out, roll up your sleeves and pound out a tale on the old keyboard. We're a-waitin'.


The Crypt keeper at last year's closing grand-prize ceremony. He over-dressed and ate all of the brownies.

The deadline (which is today) is greatly flexible, and we will be taking stories right up until Halloween. But, Leaguers, the idea is that every day when you click on over to The League all week next week, there's a fresh story awaiting you, and getting you in the spirit. Now, that story could be YOURS!!! And you know you've got a creepy tale in you.

Did you cross paths with a black cat? Did an old gypsy woman put a curse on you? Did you see something which, even after all these years, you still can't quite explain...? (and, no, I'm not talking about The Magic Johnson Show).


That this is thriller, thriller night
'cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would dare to try
Girl, this is thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, diller, chiller
Thriller here tonight

So click on over to the guidelines for the contest and follow them or don't follow them. Let's just get some interaction!

Here is a photo of the guy they cast as Superman for the upcoming Bryan Singer directed film.

As long as Routh's voice doesn't make him sound like Urkel, and Singer takes the time to make sure he's nailing every scene, I am happy. I am especially happy that they didn't cast anybody under 6'0", nor some flavor-of-the-week actor to bring in the 14-year old girls.

Singer was able to make two X-Men movies work with only a handful of name actors, and those flicks made a star out of Hugh Jackman.

I heard Topher What's-his-name from That 70's Show might be up for Jimmy Olsen. Personally, I think after seeing him in Traffic, it would be a good choice.

Here's to hoping nothing awful happens to Bryan Singer before production ends.

Hey all, Mrs. League here. Blogger is totally pissing me off today. First it copied my post over the Leagues and then when he reposted, my post went away. Grrr.

Let me try to remember: I wanted to appologize to Jim D. and RHPT -- obviously I do not hate you and I acknowledge that RHPT had little to no involvement in the Garfield incident.

The League's post about my hatred of Garfield is wrong and he knows better. We have often shared childhood memories of the cool cat and every time we visit parents-of-the-League's house I can be caught reading old copies of Garfield books 1-10. I was quite the Garfield fan in my youth, even collecting the fabulous "Garfield's Nine Lives" and Garfield telephone.

What I was upset with was the movie, which is different. This character bares little resemblance to the lovable fat cat we grew up with. And I was content in the knowledge that I would never have to view this shameful piece of crap. But last night, as GCI Garfield struck a pose on my kitchen counter and the League exclaimed "Awesome!", my stomach dropped. Leaguers, I am doomed.