CNN loves to talk about fat people. Seriously. They LOVE it. Every freaking morning on Headline News... but that kind of slowed down during the Iraq thingy as Dr. Gupta and company went to parts unknown.

But you can tell CNN is bored with world events again... this morning Headline News ran a lengthy "story" about how kids are getting fat. Curiously, Headline News suggested that the new solution is to get schools to teach kids how not to get fat. My favorite part is that CNN shows footage of fat kids' bodies while talking about how disgusting fat kids are, but they try to give anonymity by not showing the kid's face... THEN they show OTHER people to clearly contextualize and identify the kid and thus set the kid up for a lifetime of therapy. I know what a fat kid looks like, thanks. I don't need a visual and the guilt of knowing what psychic horrors CNN is building with each story about obesity.

Here's what your pudgy (but wise) Uncle Ry thinks: Maybe if you see your kid is playing videogames 5 hours a day while eating Cheese Doodles, the problem is not something a teacher is going to resolve, no matter how colorful her charts of the food pyramid. Kids already have to sit 8 hours a day in school. Recess and getting beat up is probably the only exercise they ARE getting. Instead of playing five hours of John Madden football, mayhaps the answer is to spend $15 on a real football and take away the Super Delicous Berry Toaster Treats and the Eat 'Em Ups. Maybe even send the kid outside? The outside, however, is a frightening place. I understand that every parent is concerned once outside, their precious angel will get abducted or turned onto drugs or that the sun will give their little swamp rat some skin cancer. Have we mutually agreed as a society that it's best just to let the kids widen as their pudgy little fingers squeeze out an afternoon of fun?

I throw stones, but, honestly, it was hot as hell growing up in Texas and we spent many afternoons camped inside, too. I'm just jealous that Atari sucked compared to the PS2. But really, as a kid my mom locked the door at 9:00am in the summer and we were only allowed in for lunch and for dinner. We were smelly little kids, so I don't blame her, and that is when "Uncle Steve" used to come visit, and the milkman and the air conditioner guy and... HEY! Waitaminnut....

Anyway, I like the fat kids of today. For every fat kid with low self-esteem playing videogames at home, that's one less kid I have to deal with when I'm trying to make my way through the grocery store. Or for every little brain-dead mongrel with a Game Boy at a public function, that's one less kid I have to pretend to be interested in. At least they're not rotting their brains with f**king comic books...

Maybe the 3 feet of reinforced concrete and the titanium shell was overkill...? Anyway, this is a few miles from my house (in the fastest growing city in the US, btw...)

TOYS THAT SHOULD NOT BE

One would expect that after the San Diego ComicCon, I would have more to add to TTSNB. But I think that the close ties to comic books have pretty much eliminated that problem at the SDCC. I'll have to wait for the New York TOy Fair to be truly disturbed, and that's not until winter.

I was talking with co-worker Rachel, and she mentioned how her three year old kid, Eddie, brought home a Michael Meyers doll. Apparently when you squeeze it, it plays the theme from Halloween. It's also armed with a pre-bloodied plastic knife. Yes, the doll was taken away. But, as I say, TTSNB.

In that mode, let's visit with this latest offering, and consider what this would do to your love life if you brought a girl home and THIS was on your shelf. That's 12" of toy enough to make any girl start looking for an alternate escape route. I am safely married and keep my toys to the Superhero genre, and I still think that this is doing nothing short of making the lovely Jamie fairly ashamed of me.

Had a little bit of weirdness at this site and over at Jim's site today. It appears that if one types in www.melbotis.blopsot.com, one gets a bible site. My Type-o's caused me to panic. ANyway, the weirdness has passed.

Watched most of three movies today, as well as doing yardwork.

1) Actually watched about 80% of The Lion in Winter. Very good film. "This movie is depressing" was Jamie's review. And then she slept through the last 1/2 of the movie. Just sort of passed out in the recliner with her mouth hanging open. Excelelnt cast (with a young ANthony Hopkins and Timothy Dalton). Looks like Picard is going to be in a version on TV sometime this year.

2) Watched all of Finding Nemo at the theater. Very cute movie about fish. I was desperate for Long John Silver's when we left. Settled for shrimp we picked up at the grocery. I think I liked Nemo, but like most kids movies, it kind of rolled off me. It didn't help that there were six kids behind us who were running a color commentary of the movie and how it related to them personally. Ah, I love children. So precious... anyway, I liked the trailer for The Incredibles.

3) Watched good chunk of Clash of the Titans on cable. Got very defensive when Jamie commented on the crappy FX. Not sure why I was so defensive. Must have thing for Harry Hamlin. Actually, I love Harryhausen's stuff. It's easy to trash, but have you ever tried to animate a mechanical owl? I'm sure it's difficult to see the return on investment.

Last night, faced with nothing else to do, we drank White Russians and watched Trading Spaces as this episode was taped somewhere in North Austin. I was all weepy and nostalgic as they showed the "Welcome to Austin" mural at the intersection of South 1st and Annie, which is about four blocks from my old house. I miss South Austin deeply. People, if you haven't been down that-a-way, you should go there. It's a good place and good people, but keep your eye on your car stereo. Go to La Reyna on S. 1st for lunch and go to Casa Garcias on SOuth Lamar for breakfast. It's good stuff, and I am grossly overweight in no small part becuase of their high quality and low prices. For dinner you ask? Guero's, of course.

I also miss Mariachi. Why the hell isn't there any Mariachi in Chandler? hmmm... Time to dust my trumpet and polish my boots...

But there was nothing like using that mural for directions, or the blue genie who used to sit atop the building... "Just go north down South 1st, and you're gonna see a Blue Genie... Yeah, you're not going to miss it, it's huge... yeah, go left there."

Mel misses having a great chainlink fence frontyard. He spent all day running back and forth barking at kids and folks with strollers. We had to introduce ourselves to our neighbors as "We live at Mel's house." Some folks came by and gave Mel treats over the fence. He was very popular. You know, nobody walks here in CHandler, AZ. I guess it's too hot. And Mel can't go in the front yard anyway...

Anyhoo, incentive to move back to South Austin, I suppose.

Over and Out

I wrapped things up over at Jim D's site. Things should be getting back to normal around here.

I'm getting close to the end of my run on Jim D's site. I posted regarding the Pop Culture Countdown at that site, so bounce over there for the usual nonsense.

How come Matthew Perry keeps getting movies and this hasn't received national release?

Those of you looking to earn the eternal gratitude of The League, may want to consider shoppping early for me for Christmas. If I receive this from a reader, it is guaranteed that I will print your name here in The League of Melbotis.

While I love my wife, the lovely and talented Jamie, I could have written a book on this. Thanks, science.

Today I am mad at my job. I would not go so far as to say I am sick of it, but stupid things keep happening, and I am going to have to sort them out. It's days like today I wish I had a job where all I had to do was dig a hole or something. Without going into it, I essentially messed up the TPS reports and am paying dearly.

BTW, I posted over at Jim D's site today, if anyone is curious.

If you've ever lived in Austin, this is just good comedy.

Before I forget, congrats to RHPT.com on a full year of rocking the Continental United States.

VIVA LA RANDY

I think we're on to you.

oh, for the love of God....

Dude... WHAT THE FUCK!!!?????

why I love television

actual quote from someone involved with the show: "Eric always brings enough passion as a producer that when he got excited about a 300-pound tumor, I got excited about a 300-pound tumor."

When we moved out to Arizona from the Great State of Texas, many of the transactions I was attempting to fulfill were meeting with some static. In our digital age, I found the confusion on the part of bankers somewhat odd. They both insisted we could keep our account listed as a Texas account and simultaneously gave me grief over the fact that we did not have our accounts in Arizona. So, choosing the path of least resistance, I opened an Arizona account, leaving the Texas account to wither and die.
Back in April we had a SNAFU with the Texas account, and without getting into too much detail, I'll say we closed the Texas account.
So about three weeks ago I tried paying my credit card bill online. I'm not a technophobe, but I am lazy. Well, apparently the Texas account was still the account I had listed with AT&T Universal Card (a provider I have used faithfully since college). As I mentioned, I am lazy, and not particularly detail oriented, and did not notice the lack of currency in the account number listed as our bank account.
This morning, on our walkies, I picked up the mail and was surprised to find a letter from AT&T Universal Card stating that my online payment had been rejected. Well, I think I deduced what the problem was... the credit card was associated in their database with our old account from Texas, which was gonzo.
So I went online to amend the situation. I put in new info., I even changed my alert status which was supposed to be e-mailed to me, and did several other things. It accepted all the new info., but then, after acknowledging the new account info., refused to accept the new account's payment. I called AT&T Universal Card.
"So I tried to pay my bill online, and you guys took 3 weeks to send me a notice saying it didn't go through."
"Yes sir."
"But you had my e-mail address and phone number, and even the mail isn't that slow."
"I don't know why it took so long, sir."
"Well, I'm getting a red error message when I try to pay using my new account info that I entered."
"Your account is frozen for 30 days. You can't pay online until we reconcile the new information."
"But the website already verified the account."
"We can't accept payment online. Your account is frozen for 30 days."
"Oh... Well..."
"We can accept payment on the phone."
"Okay. Great! I have my checkbook-"
"No, wait, we can't do that, either."
"Oh."
"Since your last payment didn't clear, we can't take any payment that way. For 30 days."
"You said-- The account has money in it. I'm looking at my statement right here."
"You're going to have to mail it in. When is it due?"
"In two days. On the 30th. It's not going to make it."
"No. No, it's not. Let me see if I can extend your payment deadline...."
"That would be good."
"Five days."
"Okay. I still don't know if it will make it. You know, by the time someone opens it and all..."
"Five days, sir. And, I noticed something else on your account. Do you want to consolidate your loans--?"
"No. I have no loans."
"We're also offering cash advances--"
It was at this point I desperately wanted to ask her to advance my account the cash so Peter may pay Paul, but I thought better of it and politely declined.
I did manage to drum up an envelope and stamps, and sent my check off to an address from the web-site, which, I have honestly never seen before.

Road to the Pearly Gates....

There but for the Grace of God Go I.