There are a few local celebs Central Texans know by their first name.

Leslie
Stevie
Lance

As a former Austinite, I dutifully follow the adventures of Lance Armstrong.

If Lance can win the Tour de France this year, he will have set the record not only for total wins, but most consecutive wins. (editor's note: if this is incorrect, please pipe up)

Hopefully Lance can pull it off, but even if he doesn't, he and the US Postal Service Team will surely be champions of some sort. I mean, Lance beat cancer and won the Tour de France. Have YOU gotten cancer and won the Tour de France? No, I didn't think so (unless you're Lance and reading this, in which case, I salute you).

You can read up on the latest Lance info here.

Free Comic Book Day and Spider-Man

So after hyping Free Comic Book Day for weeks here at The League, I figured I'd better put my money where my mouth is, and on Saturday I headed down to the local (decent) comic shop. Now, the local shop is not the shop I go to regularly. Normally I go to a shop near my office, run by a decent enough guy who offers a signifcant discount to subscribing customers. On a light-traffic Saturday, my office is about 30 minutes away, so I didn't want to haul myself all the way down there. But out near my house, there's an Atomic Comics , and it's a great store. It's one of the two fairly professional jobs I've ever seen of running a comic shop. Unfortunately, it's just more expensive than other shops.

But when you're talking about free comics, how can you lose?

I'll tell you how. Probably due to high traffic, Atomic Comics decided to only allow each customer to take one free comic from a selection of about 18 or so comics. This decision totally negates the point of Free Comic Book Day for steady comic book readers. The point of FCBD (for me as a regular reader) wasn't just to get me in the store, which they did, but to allow me to sample different ongoing comics to decide what I, as a reader, might like to pick up this year. (Editor's note: it's bad comic shop etiquette to just stand in the aisle and read a comic. You can flip through the pages, or whatever, but you're really supposed to buy the comic if you read it cover to cover).

I have to give a load of credit to Atomic Comics. There was a LOT of traffic in the store, as this shop is at the mall in a prime spot near the movie theater. So all those kids leaving the 12:00 show of Spider-Man came straight over to Atomic Comics and picked up a free comic. Which is EXACTLY what the day is supposed to inspire. Of the 18 or so comics, the "comics for kids" ratios were very, very high to the "mature" comics. At least at this store.

Katrina, the manager, doesn't really know me, but she knows who I am. And she's sold me some funky stuff before, like "My Monkey's Name is Jennifer" (which is absolutely hysterical), and a few other things. So she put a comic in my hand when I walked up to the "one free comic" table. And it was a Slave Labor Graphics anthology.

I'm going to blow everybody's minds here, because I'm going to admit something: I have a low tolerance for indie comics.

A lot of indie comics are kind of like three chord punk. Indie comics are usually high energy and kind of goofy and sort of fun. And like 3-chord punk, they're cheaply done, almost inaccessible and kind of all come off the same. The indies try to be edgy, but it's that sort of post-suburbanite edgy, where they substitute narrative with weird for weird's sake and a lot of high-school literature references to look smart. This doesn't even begin to tap into how ideas seem to get recycled a million times over by the indie comics (probably a by-product of folks trying to recreate whatever it is they liked in a favorite indie comic of their own).

Some of the indie comics I like, but most of them are totally forgettable. And most of them never really see any print after one or two issues, leaving you hanging or wondering when the "artist" is going to lay off the pipe and get drawing again.

This makes maybe 1 in 15 indie comics something I'd want to peruse on a regular basis. I realize in admitting this that I have (1) upset the punk rock ethos, and (2)made myself appear to be a stick in the mud. But I'm going to call a spade a spade. If indie comics want to know why they don't move massive numbers and can't compete with, say, Legends of Batman's Neighbors, instead of being irritated and pretending that "nobody understands them", they might want to try things like a story and decipherable art. And, failing that, they should try to be funny. And not one joke funny (even as I say this, I am reminded The Lockhorns has been in syndication for 20+ years, defying all of my rules here).

I do not believe black and white indies are inherently bad. I do think the "artists" who put the bad comics together are the same kind of people who think everyone wants to hear their poetry, and refuse to write multiple drafts of their prose, afraid the editing process will sully the wild ferocity of their thoughts as each jewel drips from their ingenious mind.

Now some indie comics are very good. And when the format works, it's an amazing thing to behold. These guys are free from corporate bosses and other worldly constraints, and occasionally you get a Sex Pistols for the other 2 bajillion lousy bands. And you'll get something like "Blankets", "Ghost World", "Jimmy Corrigan", "Stuck Rubber Baby", "Maus", "Love and Rockets" or even "From Hell".

But as I say this, of the entire 48 page comic I got, I think about 6 or 7 pages were actually interesting. And 2 of those pages were Milk and Cheese, which has never been my favorite, but is better than the rest of the stuff, and a pioneer in violent, dairy-related comics.

As much as bad black and white comic bug me, get me started on "bad girl" comics someday. I beg of you.

Some of these indie comics end up doing very well, and that's thrilling. What happens most of the time is that the good indie creators get hired by the mainstream companies (Marvel, DC, Image, even Dark Horse) and either sink or swim with the big boys and thier millions of corporate-type rules. It's the equivalent of getting signed to a major label and then having to answer to the suits, to stretch the punk-rock analogy as far as it will go.

Some of the artists do okay. Some burn brightly before fizzling out under the high-pressure of the industry. Most do a fill-in back up in Spider-Man Unlimited, and then disappear from comics to go do something more lucrative, like selling shoes.

Anyway, suffice it to say, the Teen Titans, Go! comic Jamie picked up I found endlessly more rewarding, even if it took me an 1/8th as long to finish it. You see, the story had a beginning, middle and an end. It was well drawn, and had a point (admittedly, a child-friendly "teamwork" related point, but a point).

So we went to check out (as I also bought a few other comics, none of which were notable enough to mention [actually, I need to do a brief note on Marvel's new direction soon]), and the guy says "so, are you going to hang out? Because I need to staple your bag shut if you are."
I looked around the shop, saw no impending action or promise of adventure. "Why? What's going to happen?"
"Oh, I dunno." the guy shrugged. "Spider-Man is going to be here from 6:00 until 9:00."
"It's 2:00," I said.
"This Spider-Man is supposed to rule. He's from Universal studios and he actually studied up to be Spider-Man."
"Sweet. But, no... I'm leaving."

And then it started to brew in my head. I went to the gym and tried to work it off. But there it was... Spider-Man was coming. Spider-Man! I love Spider-Man!

And I remembered four years before at Universal Studios where I met Captain America and how I had almost flubbed that meeting. One does not stand before The Sentinel of Liberty and not feel a little humbled.

So at 6:30, I was getting out of the shower (post-gym) and I said, "So, can we go see Spider-Man?"
"Sure!" Jamie said. "What time is it showing?"
"Uh..." I said. Clearly, we had different ideas on how this was going down. "Let me check."
So I used my out! There was a theater right next to the comic shop, and the theater was showing Spider-Man every half-hour!
"Where are we going?" Jamie asked as I went on instead of turning right. "You're going to the Mall? Oh my God! You're going to see the guy in the Spider-Man outfit!"
"..."
"Do you really want to see him?"
"...yes...?"
And she let me! She agreed to my insane plan! Sometimes you achieve a moment of absolute clarity as to why you married someone.

We drove down to the theater and parked, and we walked up to the comic shop, and... there was a line literally 500 or more feet long to get into the store and meet Spider-Man. It wrapped around the "dancing waters" and over to the California Pizza Kitchen.

I was clearly not going to meet Spider-Man and see my movie in one evening.

Distressed, I looked down the line, and there were hundreds of kids. Stupid, stupid kids... all blocking my path and destroying my plans. Stupid kids. All in Spider-Man shirts. Some in Costumes! Heck, some poor, confused kid was dressed up as Superman (to which I tipped my hat). And all of them had comics in their hands! They were all waiting diligently to have Spider-Man sign their comics! This, I realized, was the absolute realization of Free Comic Book Day! Kids and comics. Kids and Spider-Man!

"We don't need to meet Spider-Man," I told Jamie.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I'd love to, but I don't think I'm going to get as much out of it as these kids."
"Okay. Let's just go see the movie."
And then, through the store window, we watched Spidey do the splits.

coming soon: Part II, a brief review of Spider-Man II.

So my student worker, Rahim, is from India, and this is his first summer in the good ol' US of A.

"So what are you doing for The 4th, Rahim?"
"I believe we are going to Tempe Lake to see the fireworks."
"That'll be rad."
"It costs $8."
"$8?"
"Yes."
"Climb up on a roof, my good man. Eight dollars is outrageous."
"We are also thinking of doing that. So what do you plan to do?"
"I dunno."
"What do you usually do?"
"Well, in years past I pushed meat around on a grill and drank beer until I got sick."
"You do this most years?"
"It's how most Americans celebrate our independence from those British bastards. Do you eat meat or drink beer?"
"No."
"Well, you're going to have to improvise."

So how does The League spend the 4th of July?

This year we combined two summer events: the usual 4th of July festivities (now reduced to our party of two, they are somewhat lackluster), and the annual viewing of Jaws (usually done to announce that it's now summertime).

We ate an inordinate amount of watermelon and potato salad, then around 9:00, Jamie persuaded me to climb the ladder and get up on the roof. From there we watched the fireworks from Tumbleweed Park, just a few miles away. And, hey... no traffic! One of the very few cool things about the greater Phoenix area is that, because it's so flat, you can see the fireworks going off in all the suburbs. At one point we were watching four fireworks displays, from Tempe, Scottsdale, Mesa and Gilbert. Kind of groovy.

Mel was awfully baffled by our roof perching. He could see us up there, but could not determine how we had landed ourselves up there. So he stood just out of sight and whined.

All in all, a successful July 4th, 2004.

Further evidence of my fishing trip


I actually caught one of these things

Good golly. Had internet difficulty all weekend, which also meant I didn't have access to my "files" on the 2004 Mellies. That's going to have to get delayed. My apologies.

However, here's a little Melbotis Independence Day fun.



Also, here is a photo of our very patriotic neighbor, Flag Guy, as he's called by the neighbors. Jamie and I call him Squidward, but Flag Guy will do. He's NUTS for flags. How many flags can you count? I guarantee you, Leaguers... any number you've chosen is too low. Squidward constantly also dresses in shirts with the flag, he has flags on his car... he's flat out NUTS for being patriotic.

And now, for your viewing pleasure...

A Retrocrush photographic salute to Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman!

And lest The League forget, tomorrow is FREE COMIC BOOK DAY.

Look here for more info and to find a participating store near you!

Don't forget: Lots of free comics! And just in time for Spidey-2!!!

Marlon Brando is dead.

RIP

Steven G. Harms has submitted his nominations for the 2004 Mellies.

Jamie says hello to her fishy friend.

Well, we're back.

Our trip to Muskego Point was a smashing success. I even caught a fish. Jamie, pictured above, caught several more fish than I did.

On the whole, it was my kind of vacation. We flew into Duluth, then drove two hours towards Canada, and then took a boat across to the cabin. From then on, it was all about fishing, reading and then more fishing.

Keep in mind, The League is 1) a lousy angler, and 2) a vegetarian. So when I did catch a fish worth eating, I never got to eat it. Luckily, because of point 1, point 2 wasn't really a problem.

I'm about 1/2 way done now with The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt. It's a good read, and thus far avoids the usual trappings of just becoming a laundry list of historical details, a fact of a lot of non-fiction which usually keep me away from biographies. TR always makes for good reading, but it's been years since someone handed me my diploma (BA in Liberal Arts for History) and I quit reading biographies/ non-fiction in my spare time. Fortunately, this volume is just volume 1, and volume 2 is already out. So when I finish this book, I know what I'll be reading next. Supposedly a 3rd volume is in the works covering the Bull Moose era, etc... we'll see. Anyway, The League can safely recommend the first half otf the book.

I like fishing. I really do. I feel like I've just scratched the top 2% of what there is to know about how to catch a fish and all that, so I feel like there's a lot for me to learn in future trips. We'll see. My father-in-law may lack the necessary patience to ensure I do much more than learn proper casting methods. I can barely get a fish off the hook once on, so you can see my dilemma.

Now that I'm back, over the weekend I'll be reviewing the 2004 Mellie Noms and be compiling a list.

And Randy. You're wrong. Whatever your argument, you're wrong. Just send in your noms, already.

I'm back. There's a lot for me to catch up on. Looks like a lot of chatter on the League comments section. And a lot of stuff going on in the world. Wowsers. My mind is swimming.

That, and I'm really, really tired.

Okay, Leaguers. This is it. Last post for about a week. When you click here, but all you see is this picture yet again, you'll know I have not yet returned. Rest easy, Loyal Leaguers. You may feel content in the knowledge that while I am not blogging, I'm still looking out for you.



Couple of notes:

1) You can keep sending in Mellie nominations until I return. Send them to the e-mail address associated with this site.

2) If I die on my trip, this is the last, haunting entry I'll ever make.

3) In which case, we'll never know who won the Mellies. If this happens, Jim gets to just make some junk up.

4) In the meantime, check out my other links over there on the left. There's a blogroll and some other good stuff. See the place where I learned and embraced the phrase "abso-ludicrous".

5) It's summertime. Try and go out there and get some sunshine. Play a little frisbee. Meet a girl. Fall in love.

6) I doubt you've read everything. See what I said just before I said this. If that doesn't work, try the archives.

7) I'll be back well before July 4th. See you then.

And an Official Melbotis Medal of Commendation for Valor in the Face of Stupidity, goes to Maxwell, for raising the alarm and trying quite valiantly to get me a signed Geoff Johns comic.
Even if it didn't happen, it's the amazing thought that counts.

And I forgot to mention...

Ryan Valdez and Michael Scaljon have both submitted very good entries to the League's 2004 "So far, so what?" awards (AKA: The Mellies).

Thanks to Valdez and Scaljon for their participation. Thanks to Jim for actually pointing me to their sites so I was aware of the nominations.

No thanks to Randy for his utter failure to participate. Even on his 28th birthday, I don't know how he manages to muster the will to draw even a single breath.

And check out the pictures of Jim's movie in the making! It's funny. I read the screenplay in various drafts, and I know exactly which scene it is where "Wyatt" here is drinking his aqua.

Happy Birthday to Randy! Randy is 28 today.

I have written Randy this haiku

bright eyes wondering
so happy to eat jell-o
no nominations

Happy Birthday, Randolph!

the Lynda Carter 1970's television series Wonder Woman comes to DVD next week.

As Loyal Leaguers might imagine, The League is in no small way intrigued by Wonder Woman. Here's something that might probably get me beaten up over by the bike racks after school: I read Wonder Woman. I do. I really like Wonder Woman. She's got an invisible jet, she's into tying people up, and she wears next to nothing while saving the world. Seriously, given those qualifications, what's not to like?

Some of my earliest memories include Wonder Woman twirling her way into different outfits. I always wished she'd do the same on Superfriends, but it never happened. Superfriends Wonder Woman couldn't twirl, so great was the weight of the Aquanet. Not so with the beautiful Lynda Carter.


Lynda Carter suddenly makes me interested in computer technology of the late 70's...

The series isn't great by any standard, but dammit, I'm hard pressed to think of a better collection of videos than Lynda Carter solving crimes. Incidentally, Lynda Carter graduated from my employing university. Little trivia for you.

I don't recommend folks new to comics necessarily pick up Wonder Woman, but I do find it to be a good read. And if girls are looking for an action hero, my friends, here she is.



These days, Wonder Woman is more or less portrayed as a Warrior Princess sort of person... but not in the Xena mode, and almost never tongue-in-cheek. She's a bad-ass to be reckoned with, just about as tough as Superman, but with a worse temper. Anyway, it's always a fun read for me (Greg Rucka is currently writing...) and while I miss Phil Jiminez's Perez inspired take, this run ain't so bad.

THanks to Jamie, Laura, Jason, Juan and numerous others who have all sent me this link.

Super strong baby.

Jim has, as promised, submitted his entries to the 2004 Mellies. Good for Jim. He's not the rat that the rest of you are who have not yet submiited a nomination of any kind. Some of you are rattier than others, especially people whose names rhyme with "dandy."

Thanks to Jim. I was wondering how long it would take before Fillmore showed up on the list of Presidents we just don't know enough about. I was disappointed to see Jim doesn't see the crystalline beauty in a democratic process where Al Sharpton can even manage to get his name on a ballot. I weep for Jim sometimes.

If Maxwell really loves me (and I know she does), she will rush down to Midtown Comics at Grand Central and get Geoff Johns, Greg Rucka and Judd Winick to sign me some comics. If you can only get one, get Geoff to sign an issue of "The Flash" for me. If two, then get Rucka to sign the newer issues of Adventures of Superman. I am aware that seems to run counterintuitive, but I really like Johns' work on Flash and JSA.

GEOFF JOHNS, GREG RUCKA & JUDD WINICK
Signing at Midtown Comics Grand Central
(very first signing at the new store!)
Thursday, June 24th from 5pm-7pm

Judd Winick, by the way, is the dorky cartoonist from the LA Season of The Real World (just before the show turned into 21 Year Old Hanky Panky Fest). It was the one with Pablo and Puck, I think. Judd now works for Marvel and DC. He's currently working on some Batman comics.

I forgot to mention my 1.2 seconds of fame.

Last Halloween, a household down the street from us participated in TLC's daily show about straightening up your junk entitled: Clean Sweep.

Clean Sweep basically has a host who is this blonde with a pretty bad eye-job (seriously, if she didn't have eye-work done, I'm Winston Churchill), a carpenter and a "professional organizer."

Embodying why the rest of the world hates the US, the people living in these houses have just accumulated too much stuff and delight in THAT being their biggest problem. Golf balls. Cabbage Patch kids. There's actually a common theme of too many toys for kids ages 1-4.

And, basically, these people dwell in heaps of items bought and never used. But they don't have the heart to toss away the stuff, nor the sense of mind to drive it to Salvation Army.

So they bring a lady in who basically throws away their stuff and gives them shelves. That's it. It's totally dumb.

Anyway, part of the show entails people having a garage sale in which they sell their used junk, and so Jamie and I wandered down the street to see the garage sale. I was pretty sure if I involved Mel we'd get some screen time, but even as I was signing the release papers so I could be on TV scrounging through these people's leftover plastic and moldy books, I got a sort of sinking feeling. I knew I was never going to buy enough of this useless crap to make it on TV for any length of time, and Mel was pretty much unwelcome.

At any rate, I bought what I think is a rare novelization fo the first Star Wars movie, and Jamie bought some lamp we threw away about a week after we brought it home. But we never did see the show. Until Tuesday night. I watched for forty minutes, and then, all too briefly, you can hear someone yell "Wanna buy a lamp?" And I turn and look at the lamp, as if to say "Are you serious?" Jamie is in the background of the shot looking on, and Mel is sort of waddling through the bottom of the shot. The total shot lasts about 1.5 seconds. If that.

So that's it. My brush with fame. C'est la vie.

It'll be interesting in a few years when they finally take me down, how Access Hollywood or somebody is going to locate that one second of footage and keep replaying it in slow motion to demonstrate my evil.

Who should be Superman in the next movie?

It's a question which plagues Super-nerds like myself. I, of course, open the floor and the comments section to any and all opinions. I liked Reeve and Reeves. Very different, but both great.

MSNBC asks the same question.

Tom Welling is probably my pick, if we can't get the greatest American alive, Dennis Haysbert.

So I ask Loyal Leaguers... who would look good in a blue unitard to you?