Friday, May 28, 2004

"One thing I learned when I WAS IN THE NAVY", Kerry droaned on, "was that when you're headed for the shoals, you need to move the rudder." presumably so you don't hit the shoals. Or something like that. I don't remember exactly what he said, but it wasn't very inspiring. Nothing this guy does is inspiring (at least not as inspiring as Al and Tipper breaking all their own PMRC rules right there at the convention. Whoo-hoo! That was HOT!!!!).

With The League's official choice for President now sadly off the campaign trail, we have begun to seek a new candidate (or perhaps a new ticket as we dream starrily over a veep with all the charisma of Dan Quayle or Walter Mondale)...

And I think I found my man. If I watched more Fox Network, he'd have been staring me in the face all along. But it's so painfully obvious. The League now officially endorses the candidacy of Dennis Haysbert solely on the strength of his Allstate commercials.

Yes, Dennis Haysbert, of whom I know so little (as I've never actually seen 24) has guided me through many trials already. Did you see me bar-B-Qing too close to the house? Or accidentally turning my fried turkey into a bonfire? No. You didn't. Why? Because for some reason, I am willing to listen to Dennis Haysbert in a way that I simply cannot listen to the two mooks currently running for position of Leader of the Free World.

Shouldn't I be able to listen, rapt, to a 30 second sound bite without worrying about the President saying "Uhhhh....." for the entire length. I want somebody who isn't just some Skull and Bones dud Yaley. I want some guy who is going to make me want to leap into the belly of the beast with his oration. And who is that man? He's Dennis Haysbert and his Allstate ads.

I am told Mr. Haysbert is a good president on this 24 show. So, hell. If he's over 35 and a US citizen, let's vote the man in.

Dennis Haysbert in 2004!!!!

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