League of Melbotis

Melbotis Mailbag!

Jim D. writes:
Dear Ryan, why don't you write a book? Not a novel, but a collection of personal essays and/or observations, not unlike Chuck Klosterman? Or even something like Sedaris or Eggers? Why not?

Jim,

Writing is very hard and time consuming, and unless I had a really good idea and a six-figure advance, I find it unlikely I would or could devote the necessary time. I am not sure who this Chuck Klosterman fellow is, but from his name it sounds like he might be an elder in a Lutheran church. Sedaris and Eggers I HAVE read. Unlike Sedaris or Eggers I have not really lived a life full of anecdotes that are print-worthy and/or are in any way relevant to the general public. I think if you reflect upon it, there's no justification for the sort of supply chain needed to get my bright ideas from a helpless tree to people's airport travel bags.

I will say this: if I am ever published, I hope I can hire Samuel L. Jackson to do the book on tape.

For those of you who really think I'm awesome and want to give me money, I can set up a PayPal system for you to start sending me dough.

Okay. Dipping back into the Mellie Noms:

Peabo writes

a) Why does the League obsess about NBA basketball? College B-ball is where it’s at.

Good question, Peabo. I think this is easier to couch in terms of why I don't watch college ball. The quick and dirty answer is that aside from our stint of catching UT games in the late 80's, I never paid much attention to college basketball. Then I ceased paying attention to sports from about 1991-1996. Then I started watching UT Football, some pro-football, the Spurs and a handful of other teams. To me, that was always a lot.

College ball is fun. But as occasionally as I've been able to see teams of any note in college ball (bear in mind, I get a lot of exciting ASU basketball here), versus several nights a week of Suns basketball, plus TNT's coverage... Well, it's a matter of odds who is going to keep my interest.

That, and in the late 80's when we were going to UT Basketball Camp I paid like $25 to have my picture taken with Tom Penders and he was a jerk.

b) The League needs to cover: The madcap hijinks of his suburban neighbors

I don't really know my neighbors. The guy who lives next door is okay. He's like 7 feet tall, but his wife decided we weren't worth talking to when we didn't accept their invitation to go to church. It felt like Texas all over again.

I've never seen one of the families across the street. We DO have flag-guy across the street who looks exactly like Squidward from SpongeBob. He's been dubbed "Flag-Guy" as each holiday he places literally dozens of flags in his yard. I lost count at 75 two 4th of July's ago.

Aside from that, I have no idea who the people are who live around me. Nobody goes outside in AZ.