why I will not see Catwoman
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
I forgot to mention, as Nord already has, that Unky George has given a name to my pain.
Star Wars, Episode III shall be entitled: Revenge of the Sith
Well, good for Unky George, then. When I was 21 years old I could not envision a world in which Star Wars was not the be all and end all of what I loved about movies. Insert Episode I, and then a helping of Episode II, and voila! Ambivalence.
I was duped into seeing the last two movies at the midnight premiere. Never again. Maybe a Tuesday matinee, if I get around to it. Sure, I want to see how UG tries to tie it all together for me. And, sure, I want to see what I assume to be the final installment in the franchise.
Star Wars, Episode III shall be entitled: Revenge of the Sith
Well, good for Unky George, then. When I was 21 years old I could not envision a world in which Star Wars was not the be all and end all of what I loved about movies. Insert Episode I, and then a helping of Episode II, and voila! Ambivalence.
I was duped into seeing the last two movies at the midnight premiere. Never again. Maybe a Tuesday matinee, if I get around to it. Sure, I want to see how UG tries to tie it all together for me. And, sure, I want to see what I assume to be the final installment in the franchise.
Or maybe I'll go rent Spaced Invaders or something. I haven't decided yet.
The 2004 Mellies Day 568
God. Let it end.
Least tragic event
Jim D.
The destruction and implosion of Howard Dean
Jamie
The construction of the Chick-fil-A at Stapely and US60
Jilly
Reagan's death. Most tragic: the endless coverage
Randy
No answer
Maxwell
The breakup of Barbie and Ken. Traditional family values? I don't think so. Everyone knows those two have been kinking it up for years.
Scaljon
charlie murphy's true hollywood stories becoming available for download online.
Harms
The Cardigans release their new record, "Long Gone Before Daylight"
Valdez
The kidnapping of Audrey Seiler. The survellience video of this University of Wisconsin-Madison sophopmore was replayed for days on major news networks. Turns out, she faked her own abduction. Oops.
Nord
a. The long-anticipated death of Ronald Reagan. b. The Siege of Fallujah.
The League ponders recent tragedy
The League technically finds that the sale of the Paris Hilton video on DVD under the title "One Night in Paris" to be the least tragic event (a portion of all proceeds go to charity. No. Seriously. I think this is a real first).
It seems a portion of Loyal Leaguers took the partisan route and placed the death of Reagan as being least tragic. Perhaps this sentiment was amplified due to the endless coverage of... well, not much going on... and then the move to place Reagan's name and visage on every Federal building, coin, mountain, etc... may have seemed like overkill.
I gotta give Valdez some props for bringing up the self-created melodrama of the Audrey Seiler case. Man, was that ever annoying. Nothing like letting your little pity party turn into a national crisis.
Worst blog topic at "League of Melbotis."
Jim D.
1. A Present for Randy. Did anything ever come of this?, 2. Continued support and endorsement of Al Sharpton
(editor's note: what did happen? Well, a few things. Just when I should have been working on "A Present for Randy", my semester at work came to an end which means a lot of work. Simultaneously, I need to overcome months of procrastination on a project for the grad class I'm taking. So, Randy, I apologize. But no need to wait any longer, because Molly won. You shall be receiving your present whenever I get around to ordering it for you.)
Jamie
The recap of 'Home on the Range'. Because you made me relive it
Jilly
Hmm. You're brilliant, so all of the topics must be. (this is the kiss ass answer. Notice it comes right before the naming of my child)
Randy
No answer
Maxwell
I guess, after reviewing the archives, Friday 2/6/04: I saw Bowie last night. You did not. Because, yeah, you did see Bowie last night. And I did not.
Scaljon
No Answer
Harms
I find it all equally ... equally ... equal.
Valdez
No Answer
Nord
a. Anything to do with new comic hero logos. b. Anything to do with new comic hero uniforms.
(editor's note to Mr. Nordstrom Smarty Pants: I have never covered either topic. Just everything else regarding superheroes. But just for you, one day I shall wax philosophic on Superman Red/ Superman Blue)
The League Strikes Back:
Clearly Jilly wins for her insightful answer. These days I am voting for "The 2004 Mellies".
Best item at Taco Bell
Jim D.
Chicken Baja Gordita Chalupa (Nacho Cheese)
Jamie
Cinnamon Crispies
Jilly
ugg
Randy
No answer
Maxwell
We here at Cowgirl Funk HQ in a nod to the vegetarian days keep it real with the taco bell bean burrito.
Scaljon
much like kmart, taco bell sucks
Harms
The plain old taco. Simple in its conception, flawless in its execution
Valdez
Mexican Pizza. Two crisp pizza shells filled with seasoned ground beef, hearty beans and then topped with pizza sauce, a blend of three cheeses - cheddar, pepper jack and mozzarella, melted to perfection and topped with diced ripe tomatoes and fresh green onions.
Nord
a. Double Decker Taco b. Beef taco, no lettuce
The League makes a run for the border
I always dug the chicken soft taco, but these days I'm kicking it vegetarian style, so I no longer chow down on my formerly feathery friends. These days I'm going along with Maxwell and the bean burrito.
However, once again Jilly wins, as she accurately describes how I feel each time I complete a meal at Taco bell, no matter what I eat.
God. Let it end.
Least tragic event
Jim D.
The destruction and implosion of Howard Dean
Jamie
The construction of the Chick-fil-A at Stapely and US60
Jilly
Reagan's death. Most tragic: the endless coverage
Randy
No answer
Maxwell
The breakup of Barbie and Ken. Traditional family values? I don't think so. Everyone knows those two have been kinking it up for years.
Scaljon
charlie murphy's true hollywood stories becoming available for download online.
Harms
The Cardigans release their new record, "Long Gone Before Daylight"
Valdez
The kidnapping of Audrey Seiler. The survellience video of this University of Wisconsin-Madison sophopmore was replayed for days on major news networks. Turns out, she faked her own abduction. Oops.
Nord
a. The long-anticipated death of Ronald Reagan. b. The Siege of Fallujah.
The League ponders recent tragedy
The League technically finds that the sale of the Paris Hilton video on DVD under the title "One Night in Paris" to be the least tragic event (a portion of all proceeds go to charity. No. Seriously. I think this is a real first).
It seems a portion of Loyal Leaguers took the partisan route and placed the death of Reagan as being least tragic. Perhaps this sentiment was amplified due to the endless coverage of... well, not much going on... and then the move to place Reagan's name and visage on every Federal building, coin, mountain, etc... may have seemed like overkill.
I gotta give Valdez some props for bringing up the self-created melodrama of the Audrey Seiler case. Man, was that ever annoying. Nothing like letting your little pity party turn into a national crisis.
Worst blog topic at "League of Melbotis."
Jim D.
1. A Present for Randy. Did anything ever come of this?, 2. Continued support and endorsement of Al Sharpton
(editor's note: what did happen? Well, a few things. Just when I should have been working on "A Present for Randy", my semester at work came to an end which means a lot of work. Simultaneously, I need to overcome months of procrastination on a project for the grad class I'm taking. So, Randy, I apologize. But no need to wait any longer, because Molly won. You shall be receiving your present whenever I get around to ordering it for you.)
Jamie
The recap of 'Home on the Range'. Because you made me relive it
Jilly
Hmm. You're brilliant, so all of the topics must be. (this is the kiss ass answer. Notice it comes right before the naming of my child)
Randy
No answer
Maxwell
I guess, after reviewing the archives, Friday 2/6/04: I saw Bowie last night. You did not. Because, yeah, you did see Bowie last night. And I did not.
Scaljon
No Answer
Harms
I find it all equally ... equally ... equal.
Valdez
No Answer
Nord
a. Anything to do with new comic hero logos. b. Anything to do with new comic hero uniforms.
(editor's note to Mr. Nordstrom Smarty Pants: I have never covered either topic. Just everything else regarding superheroes. But just for you, one day I shall wax philosophic on Superman Red/ Superman Blue)
The League Strikes Back:
Clearly Jilly wins for her insightful answer. These days I am voting for "The 2004 Mellies".
Best item at Taco Bell
Jim D.
Chicken Baja Gordita Chalupa (Nacho Cheese)
Jamie
Cinnamon Crispies
Jilly
ugg
Randy
No answer
Maxwell
We here at Cowgirl Funk HQ in a nod to the vegetarian days keep it real with the taco bell bean burrito.
Scaljon
much like kmart, taco bell sucks
Harms
The plain old taco. Simple in its conception, flawless in its execution
Valdez
Mexican Pizza. Two crisp pizza shells filled with seasoned ground beef, hearty beans and then topped with pizza sauce, a blend of three cheeses - cheddar, pepper jack and mozzarella, melted to perfection and topped with diced ripe tomatoes and fresh green onions.
Nord
a. Double Decker Taco b. Beef taco, no lettuce
The League makes a run for the border
I always dug the chicken soft taco, but these days I'm kicking it vegetarian style, so I no longer chow down on my formerly feathery friends. These days I'm going along with Maxwell and the bean burrito.
However, once again Jilly wins, as she accurately describes how I feel each time I complete a meal at Taco bell, no matter what I eat.
Monday, July 26, 2004
Minor delay in completing the Mellies as I don't have my Excel file on me. Sorry. Maybe tomorrow night.
In the meantime, thought I'd mention my new favorite movie:
From Justin to Kelly
This movie was meant squeeze the last cash out of the first season American Idol winner and runner-up. Fortunately (I guess) Kelly Clarkson is still able to sell records to somebody out there, so it's not all a loss. Unfortunately, Justin Guarini (the Justin of From Justin to Kelly, and first-runner up from AI Season 1) was already let go from his record contract after lackluster sales of his premier album.
I had watched most of AI Season 1, and had not really supported either of the two finalists.
With that context in mind, From Justin to Kelly (henceforth FJTK) hit cable roughly... oh... roughly six months after Guarini was back sacking groceries at the Winn-Dixie. I hope he has a good broker.
This movie surpasses so many others in it's awesome badness. Nothing is good in this movie. Not the plot, not the script, not the concept, not the constumes, not the casting, not the dancing, the music or the lighting.
The semitalented stars of AI light up the silver screen
The story, as I have pieced together from watching bits and pieces on cable, is this:
Kelly comes to Florida for Spring Break from Texas (I'm not sure dissecting her decision to forego the equally popular Texas coast is necessary) in order to get away from, basically, Texas or the south or somewhere. Rest assured, according to Hollywood, you MUST GET THE HELL OUT OF WHEREVER YOU ARE FROM AND GO TO WHERE THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE ARE. You know. LA.
I have to tell you, I watched a good chunk of this movie, and I got more out of the synopsis on the web-site about what was happening than anything I saw in the movie. In fact, as lacking in plot as FJTK is, I wasn't really aware the characters were supposed to have any motivation.
But FJTK is nothing, if not a musical. And it is nothing if not a poorly directed musical.
The first sign of music that I recall is some really, really good rapping and beat boxing by Justin and his "Playah" friend with whom he has come to Florida. While a family-friendly movie, the Playah is there to get laid, and his tools of the trade are about as refined as those of Grease's T-Birds. The largest danger is not that your kid is going to learn something he shouldn't from this movie, but that your kid will believe he or she will ever be able to talk to anybody like this without getting punched in the crotch. Because this guy seriously needs to be punched in the crotch.
Now, Kelly's introduction bears what will most surely be a controversial criticism, but a criticism nonetheless.
Kelly Clarkson is a lovely girl, pie-faced though she might be, and she is a decent singer and dancer and blah blah blah.
Kelly is also the least attractive girl to appear in the movie, and not the strongest singer.
I don't know where they cast this movie, but every character in the cast is camera/ swimsuit friendly, can dance their pants off (the choreography being what it is), and can sing like a pro. Except for, sadly, our friend Kelly Clarkson. Who is lovely. But with the rest of the cast uniformly beautiful and synchronized, Kelly's Elaine-like dancing and "prettiest girl at her 2A school" looks, it's kind of... sad.
Especially as, after tossing off all of her opening lines about not needing a guy, or doubting she'll meet one or blah blah blah "look what a normal, chaste girl I am", Clarkson then leads everyone on the beach in some dirty dancing involving beach balls and lots of hip grinding.
At this point, I might add that Justin Guarini is also not, exactly text-bbok attractive, and he sort of acts like an ass throughout the film, so why Kelly is so interested in Justin is impossible to determine. It might help to know that Justin gets into a fight with Kelly's Texas boyfriend (who wears a ten-gallon hat), and the dispute is resolved with a jet-ski race. I might add that this is how the Steans clan likes to resolve it's difficulties. So don't piss me off, lest I RACE YOUR ASS.
Anyway, Kelly kind of meets Justin, gets shy and... you know... the plot is totally irrelevant and involves a lot of text-messaging. And dancing. Lots of bad dancing and worse singing. And I probably wouldn't have noticed that they used the same twenty dancers, except one dancer has neon red-hair, as if to say "look, I may not be all that talented, but I'm interesting to look at, and I know this movie is going to suck, but I want to be able to point myself out easily when I rent the DVD".
The movie ends with Justin and Kelly finding each other on the beach and... Jesus, does it really matter? Anyway, they sing and dance to their own unique cover of "That's the Way (Uh-huh Uh-huh) I Like it (Uh-huh Uh-huh)" to end the movie.
But the real question remains: What, exactly, is being given from Justin to Kelly? The AI crown? The chance to look less ridiculous than himself in a movie? Or, God forbid, his sweet, sweet lovin'? We may never know. And we may not want to.
Wow. What a great movie. It's too bad it signals the end of all that it is good.
In the meantime, thought I'd mention my new favorite movie:
From Justin to Kelly
This movie was meant squeeze the last cash out of the first season American Idol winner and runner-up. Fortunately (I guess) Kelly Clarkson is still able to sell records to somebody out there, so it's not all a loss. Unfortunately, Justin Guarini (the Justin of From Justin to Kelly, and first-runner up from AI Season 1) was already let go from his record contract after lackluster sales of his premier album.
I had watched most of AI Season 1, and had not really supported either of the two finalists.
With that context in mind, From Justin to Kelly (henceforth FJTK) hit cable roughly... oh... roughly six months after Guarini was back sacking groceries at the Winn-Dixie. I hope he has a good broker.
This movie surpasses so many others in it's awesome badness. Nothing is good in this movie. Not the plot, not the script, not the concept, not the constumes, not the casting, not the dancing, the music or the lighting.
The semitalented stars of AI light up the silver screen
The story, as I have pieced together from watching bits and pieces on cable, is this:
Kelly comes to Florida for Spring Break from Texas (I'm not sure dissecting her decision to forego the equally popular Texas coast is necessary) in order to get away from, basically, Texas or the south or somewhere. Rest assured, according to Hollywood, you MUST GET THE HELL OUT OF WHEREVER YOU ARE FROM AND GO TO WHERE THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE ARE. You know. LA.
I have to tell you, I watched a good chunk of this movie, and I got more out of the synopsis on the web-site about what was happening than anything I saw in the movie. In fact, as lacking in plot as FJTK is, I wasn't really aware the characters were supposed to have any motivation.
But FJTK is nothing, if not a musical. And it is nothing if not a poorly directed musical.
The first sign of music that I recall is some really, really good rapping and beat boxing by Justin and his "Playah" friend with whom he has come to Florida. While a family-friendly movie, the Playah is there to get laid, and his tools of the trade are about as refined as those of Grease's T-Birds. The largest danger is not that your kid is going to learn something he shouldn't from this movie, but that your kid will believe he or she will ever be able to talk to anybody like this without getting punched in the crotch. Because this guy seriously needs to be punched in the crotch.
Now, Kelly's introduction bears what will most surely be a controversial criticism, but a criticism nonetheless.
Kelly Clarkson is a lovely girl, pie-faced though she might be, and she is a decent singer and dancer and blah blah blah.
Kelly is also the least attractive girl to appear in the movie, and not the strongest singer.
I don't know where they cast this movie, but every character in the cast is camera/ swimsuit friendly, can dance their pants off (the choreography being what it is), and can sing like a pro. Except for, sadly, our friend Kelly Clarkson. Who is lovely. But with the rest of the cast uniformly beautiful and synchronized, Kelly's Elaine-like dancing and "prettiest girl at her 2A school" looks, it's kind of... sad.
Especially as, after tossing off all of her opening lines about not needing a guy, or doubting she'll meet one or blah blah blah "look what a normal, chaste girl I am", Clarkson then leads everyone on the beach in some dirty dancing involving beach balls and lots of hip grinding.
At this point, I might add that Justin Guarini is also not, exactly text-bbok attractive, and he sort of acts like an ass throughout the film, so why Kelly is so interested in Justin is impossible to determine. It might help to know that Justin gets into a fight with Kelly's Texas boyfriend (who wears a ten-gallon hat), and the dispute is resolved with a jet-ski race. I might add that this is how the Steans clan likes to resolve it's difficulties. So don't piss me off, lest I RACE YOUR ASS.
Anyway, Kelly kind of meets Justin, gets shy and... you know... the plot is totally irrelevant and involves a lot of text-messaging. And dancing. Lots of bad dancing and worse singing. And I probably wouldn't have noticed that they used the same twenty dancers, except one dancer has neon red-hair, as if to say "look, I may not be all that talented, but I'm interesting to look at, and I know this movie is going to suck, but I want to be able to point myself out easily when I rent the DVD".
The movie ends with Justin and Kelly finding each other on the beach and... Jesus, does it really matter? Anyway, they sing and dance to their own unique cover of "That's the Way (Uh-huh Uh-huh) I Like it (Uh-huh Uh-huh)" to end the movie.
But the real question remains: What, exactly, is being given from Justin to Kelly? The AI crown? The chance to look less ridiculous than himself in a movie? Or, God forbid, his sweet, sweet lovin'? We may never know. And we may not want to.
Wow. What a great movie. It's too bad it signals the end of all that it is good.
Upon Randy's advice, I have switched from Squawkbox to Haloscan.
All is going swimmingly.
All my old comments are gone. Hope you wrote down and saved anything you said you found particularly clever.
I shouldn't admit this, but I'm watching the early 80's movie of Annie with Aileen Quinn. What the heck ever happened to Aileen Quinn? And if I am not mistaken, FDR just leapt out of his wheelchair to sing "Tomorrow" with Annie, Eleanor and Daddy Warbucks.
This movie rules.
Oh, Randy. I bought that Eightball comic. It was pretty good.
All is going swimmingly.
All my old comments are gone. Hope you wrote down and saved anything you said you found particularly clever.
I shouldn't admit this, but I'm watching the early 80's movie of Annie with Aileen Quinn. What the heck ever happened to Aileen Quinn? And if I am not mistaken, FDR just leapt out of his wheelchair to sing "Tomorrow" with Annie, Eleanor and Daddy Warbucks.
This movie rules.
Oh, Randy. I bought that Eightball comic. It was pretty good.
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