So my new favorite commercial is a Rawlings basketball commercial. You'll know it when you see it.

My new least favorite commercial is the commercial for the "Big & Tasty" burger from McDonald's dollar menu. Not only is it a paean to a really crappy piece of food, and has the sort of hyperbolic voice over that make sme want to choke the creative team behind the commercial, but the dude at the end of the commercial doesn't even deliver his line well.

Pre-dating the "SuperSize Me" brou-haha, and the lawsuit where the fat kids tried to sue McDonalds, books were coming out basically trying to make you run screaming from your local McDonalds. An image problem to be sure. With some minor menu changes and a new, hip spin on a nasty, old product, McDonalds decided "I'm Lovin' It!" would be rapped, sung and generally forced into the stickier crevices in the back of your mind.

McDonalds advertising is really at its best when they throw Ronald (Me) into a commercial with Grimace (Randy). Ronald and Grimace do something stupid and then chase around the Hamburglar (who is, in more ways than I can count, exactly like Jim D). It's a simple formula. It reminds you of McDonalds as a name, makes their product sort of fun, and appeals across a wide audience. (Actually, I used to think those Fry Guys [Jamie] were hilarious).

The commercials starring actual people appearing to be happy at McDonalds have never worked out quite as well.

The "I'm Lovin' It" campaign has done more to steer League HQ away from McDonalds than any five anti-McDonalds documentaries could dream of doing. Simply, I am not lovin' it. I am trying to get a coke and fries because you're the only fast place to get a bit between home and work. Unless I want Del Taco. And, no, I don't want Del Taco, either.

There's nothing hip about pre-cooked/ microwaved burgers. There's nothing emotionally gratifying about eating at McDonalds. it's simply something to feel vaguely guilty about.

The Big & Tasty Burger costs a mere $1.00. Which, in this land of $8.00 cheeseburgers, is a hard thing to look away from. Of course, most likely, The Big & Tasty tastes like it costs a dollar, and we have to remember it's all about volume sales with McDonalds. THus, the dollar menu.

But that doesn't stop the subject of our commercial, who is sitting alone in a McDonalds, from waxing rhapsodic upon the topic of his Big & Tasty (which may be my new name for Jason, btw). He compares the burger to the Pyramids, the wonders of Rome, on and on about how amazing a $0.05 bun, a scrap of lettuce, a wiggly tomato slice and a microwaved hunk of beek really are.

I think he then says something out loud to his burger (the gushing praise arriving in VO), like "how do they do it?"

Our burger loving hero (who has his eyes locked upon his burger as if, maybe, he will soon make sweet, sweet love to the burger) is revealed to not be alone! Rather, he is with Stock Player #372 from the WB's central casting. Stock Player #372 is the now popular chubby, curly haired, goateed slacker made popular in ads for FedEx and Fritos.

Our Burger Fool is woken from his reverie by Stock Player #372, and the hilarious (I mean HIGH-LARIOUS!) line, "Dude, you're talking to your burger."

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Oh, man. Just sit back and let that one soak in. "Dude, you're talking to your burger." As if... ha ha... as if the burger can, you know, HEAR HIM!!!! Where do they come up with this stuff? No wonder I could never make it in advertising. Crap, that's funny.

The line delivery by #372 is the interesting part. With only 6 words to deliver in about two seconds, #372 makes the most of it. Instead of being just another actor delivering his lines in a believable fashion so as to convey some semblance of reality, #372 decides to tackle the line as if he actually doesn't understand what he's saying, or, perhaps, as if he's been kicked in the head mutliple times by a horse.

"Dude," he says, sort of slapping his friend's arm, trying to bring him back to reality. "You're talking to your burger." The burger isn't going to respond, man! it can't hear YOU!!! Don't talk to the burger!

Never before has a more wooden performance displaying such a stunning lack of talent been seen in a mere two seconds. Normally I'd love this, but at this point, McDonald's advertising just depresses me. This is yet another in a long line of cheerless McDonald's commercials formulated to joylessly appeal to a demographic which is pretty much a gimme if you're a teen-ager living in suburban sprawl, anyway.

Now, talent or no, #372 is going to make a boatload of cash for being in a nationally televised spot that runs all the time. Them's the rules with SAG. And you have to like that.

It is The League's suggestion to #372 that he spend his money one of two ways:

1) Paying back his parents for any money they have spent allowing him to be trained as an actor.

2) Tuition for college so #372 can select a new career more suitable to his skills. Such as, I dunno, not being on my TV anymore.

Soon the commercial will be little more than a memory, but may the dream of #372 and his poor line delivery live on.

God bless us every one.

A Hinojosa New Years

So, a two fold interactive post here.

1) What are you doing for New Years?
2) What should Madi do to bring in 2005?

Indeed.

Last year Jamie and I did two things for New Years. We did a) Jack and b) shit.

1) I suspect this New Years will be more of the same.

2) I think Madi should go to Jason Steans' Rockin' New Years Eve. If, Jason is, in fact, having a Rockin' New Years Eve.

I strongly suspect no New Years will ever top that of 99'-2000 in my book. Best New Years, ever. And I have Pat Sanchez to thank. Sorry about your floor, Pat. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Apple has stepped up to the plate and has offered a a central location where you can make donations for diaster relief.

Apple.com

Thanks to Doug for the link.

Just a head's up. There's not much folks like myself can do for the tsunami victims across the Indian Ocean. But, if you have a few dollars left after Christmas, now might be a good time to consider visiting Amazon.com. They've set up a donation site on their front page.

Red Cross, Red Crescent and UN Relief folks are in motion, but with death tolls at 80,000 and climbing, these areas will need more support than that which governments are going to have tucked away for just such a disaster.

Please take some time and visit a site such as the Red Cross site or Amazon.com.

The Joys of Cat Ownership V (with Apologies to RHPT.com):

Why Jeff the Cat does not go for walks on a leash...

huh

Just an interesting item in the name of being fair and square:

American Airlines sent me a lengthy letter, which, I might add, was not a curt dismissal of my concerns. Unfortunately, they also had this attached:

This email message and its contents are copyrighted and are proprietary
products of American Airlines, Inc. Any unauthorized use, reproduction, or
transfer of this message or its contents, in any medium, is strictly prohibited.

So I cannot copy and paste the e-mail into the blog.

I have to say, while I am still not happy with my travel experience, I am impressed somebody out there took the time to write a letter which actually responded to my complaints and questions in detail.

A small part of me wonders if they knew about my lengthy rant from earlier this week here in these pages. But that's probably just me patting myself on the back rather than accepting that AA might have excellent customer relations staff.

*** UPDATE ***

And get this! AA sent us a TRANSPORTATION VOUCHER!!!! I didn't even notice that as I skimmed the letter the first time. Jamie just called me to talk about it, and I was like: Wha...?

So, anyway, that's an additional few points for AA!