CrackBass gets a blog.
hey, ya'll go check out CrackBass's blog over at Blogo de Wilson. It's sure to be a good read.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Melbotis Mailbag!
Jim D. writes:
Dear Ryan, why don't you write a book? Not a novel, but a collection of personal essays and/or observations, not unlike Chuck Klosterman? Or even something like Sedaris or Eggers? Why not?
Jim,
Writing is very hard and time consuming, and unless I had a really good idea and a six-figure advance, I find it unlikely I would or could devote the necessary time. I am not sure who this Chuck Klosterman fellow is, but from his name it sounds like he might be an elder in a Lutheran church. Sedaris and Eggers I HAVE read. Unlike Sedaris or Eggers I have not really lived a life full of anecdotes that are print-worthy and/or are in any way relevant to the general public. I think if you reflect upon it, there's no justification for the sort of supply chain needed to get my bright ideas from a helpless tree to people's airport travel bags.
I will say this: if I am ever published, I hope I can hire Samuel L. Jackson to do the book on tape.
For those of you who really think I'm awesome and want to give me money, I can set up a PayPal system for you to start sending me dough.
Okay. Dipping back into the Mellie Noms:
Peabo writes
a) Why does the League obsess about NBA basketball? College B-ball is where it’s at.
Good question, Peabo. I think this is easier to couch in terms of why I don't watch college ball. The quick and dirty answer is that aside from our stint of catching UT games in the late 80's, I never paid much attention to college basketball. Then I ceased paying attention to sports from about 1991-1996. Then I started watching UT Football, some pro-football, the Spurs and a handful of other teams. To me, that was always a lot.
College ball is fun. But as occasionally as I've been able to see teams of any note in college ball (bear in mind, I get a lot of exciting ASU basketball here), versus several nights a week of Suns basketball, plus TNT's coverage... Well, it's a matter of odds who is going to keep my interest.
That, and in the late 80's when we were going to UT Basketball Camp I paid like $25 to have my picture taken with Tom Penders and he was a jerk.
b) The League needs to cover: The madcap hijinks of his suburban neighbors
I don't really know my neighbors. The guy who lives next door is okay. He's like 7 feet tall, but his wife decided we weren't worth talking to when we didn't accept their invitation to go to church. It felt like Texas all over again.
I've never seen one of the families across the street. We DO have flag-guy across the street who looks exactly like Squidward from SpongeBob. He's been dubbed "Flag-Guy" as each holiday he places literally dozens of flags in his yard. I lost count at 75 two 4th of July's ago.
Aside from that, I have no idea who the people are who live around me. Nobody goes outside in AZ.
Jim D. writes:
Dear Ryan, why don't you write a book? Not a novel, but a collection of personal essays and/or observations, not unlike Chuck Klosterman? Or even something like Sedaris or Eggers? Why not?
Jim,
Writing is very hard and time consuming, and unless I had a really good idea and a six-figure advance, I find it unlikely I would or could devote the necessary time. I am not sure who this Chuck Klosterman fellow is, but from his name it sounds like he might be an elder in a Lutheran church. Sedaris and Eggers I HAVE read. Unlike Sedaris or Eggers I have not really lived a life full of anecdotes that are print-worthy and/or are in any way relevant to the general public. I think if you reflect upon it, there's no justification for the sort of supply chain needed to get my bright ideas from a helpless tree to people's airport travel bags.
I will say this: if I am ever published, I hope I can hire Samuel L. Jackson to do the book on tape.
For those of you who really think I'm awesome and want to give me money, I can set up a PayPal system for you to start sending me dough.
Okay. Dipping back into the Mellie Noms:
Peabo writes
a) Why does the League obsess about NBA basketball? College B-ball is where it’s at.
Good question, Peabo. I think this is easier to couch in terms of why I don't watch college ball. The quick and dirty answer is that aside from our stint of catching UT games in the late 80's, I never paid much attention to college basketball. Then I ceased paying attention to sports from about 1991-1996. Then I started watching UT Football, some pro-football, the Spurs and a handful of other teams. To me, that was always a lot.
College ball is fun. But as occasionally as I've been able to see teams of any note in college ball (bear in mind, I get a lot of exciting ASU basketball here), versus several nights a week of Suns basketball, plus TNT's coverage... Well, it's a matter of odds who is going to keep my interest.
That, and in the late 80's when we were going to UT Basketball Camp I paid like $25 to have my picture taken with Tom Penders and he was a jerk.
b) The League needs to cover: The madcap hijinks of his suburban neighbors
I don't really know my neighbors. The guy who lives next door is okay. He's like 7 feet tall, but his wife decided we weren't worth talking to when we didn't accept their invitation to go to church. It felt like Texas all over again.
I've never seen one of the families across the street. We DO have flag-guy across the street who looks exactly like Squidward from SpongeBob. He's been dubbed "Flag-Guy" as each holiday he places literally dozens of flags in his yard. I lost count at 75 two 4th of July's ago.
Aside from that, I have no idea who the people are who live around me. Nobody goes outside in AZ.
HAPPY EASTER, LEAGUERS!!!!
Hope everyone is having a festive Easter Sunday. I'll be back to post more this evening.
Jamie and I went to the Diamondbacks/ Astros game last night, and it was quite a game if you were an Astros fan. We're impartial, and thus decided to root for our hometown team so as not to draw the ire of our fellow ticket holders.
Baseball is a great spectator sport, and not just because nobody cares if you throw peanut shells all over the place. We had fairly good $10 seats and spent most of the game reclined and taking in the open-air stadium.
It was also Jackie Robinson Night, which was pretty cool. As a kid I had a book on Jackie Robinson that I read over and over (where IS that book?). MLB or the D-Backs had put together a nice video package for the Jumbotron and the D-Bakcs trotted out a former owner of the Kansas City Monarchs (which meant that guy knew Jackie in the Negro Leagues prior to moving to Brooklyn) and a couple of local dignitaries.
And here's a cool thing about an open-air stadium (but has little to do with Jackie Robinson): four F-16's tore over in formation at the end of The Star Spangled Banner. Unfortunately, they flew over at an angle that must have been amazing from the other side of the stadium, but I couldn't see anything but one wing.
C'est la vie.
We left during the seventh inning stretch when we were down 9-0 and had earned 2 hits all game. I know baseball can turn on a dime, but neither our batting nor our pitching staff looked remotely awake last night (as evidenced by the 10-0 final score). And I think we had two or three errors as well. Blech.
I did get a nice D-Backs cap.
The next game we'll go to will be the March 4 game vs. the Chicago Cubs, so I am torn about who to cheer for. Cubs, I guess. Just know this: I've never been to a baseball game where the team I've cheered for has won.
This morning Jamie woke me up and we had our big Easter breakfast of bacon and sweet rolls. This was preceeded, however, by an exchanging of Easter baskets. Mine is pretty fly, emblazoned with the Superman logo.
The Easter Bunny's lesser-known cousin, The Terror Bunny
At some point last night I was visited by the Easter Bunny (who is apparently pals with Jamie). Before I'd even had a cup of coffee I was on an egg-hunt, lurching around the house trying to find both plastic and real eggs. Apparently my egg-finding skills are a bit rusty as Jamie had to use the tried-and-true "Warmer/colder" method to help me find 90% of the little potential stink bombs.
Anyhoo, hope everyone is having a fantastic Easter.
Hope everyone is having a festive Easter Sunday. I'll be back to post more this evening.
Jamie and I went to the Diamondbacks/ Astros game last night, and it was quite a game if you were an Astros fan. We're impartial, and thus decided to root for our hometown team so as not to draw the ire of our fellow ticket holders.
Baseball is a great spectator sport, and not just because nobody cares if you throw peanut shells all over the place. We had fairly good $10 seats and spent most of the game reclined and taking in the open-air stadium.
It was also Jackie Robinson Night, which was pretty cool. As a kid I had a book on Jackie Robinson that I read over and over (where IS that book?). MLB or the D-Backs had put together a nice video package for the Jumbotron and the D-Bakcs trotted out a former owner of the Kansas City Monarchs (which meant that guy knew Jackie in the Negro Leagues prior to moving to Brooklyn) and a couple of local dignitaries.
And here's a cool thing about an open-air stadium (but has little to do with Jackie Robinson): four F-16's tore over in formation at the end of The Star Spangled Banner. Unfortunately, they flew over at an angle that must have been amazing from the other side of the stadium, but I couldn't see anything but one wing.
C'est la vie.
We left during the seventh inning stretch when we were down 9-0 and had earned 2 hits all game. I know baseball can turn on a dime, but neither our batting nor our pitching staff looked remotely awake last night (as evidenced by the 10-0 final score). And I think we had two or three errors as well. Blech.
I did get a nice D-Backs cap.
The next game we'll go to will be the March 4 game vs. the Chicago Cubs, so I am torn about who to cheer for. Cubs, I guess. Just know this: I've never been to a baseball game where the team I've cheered for has won.
This morning Jamie woke me up and we had our big Easter breakfast of bacon and sweet rolls. This was preceeded, however, by an exchanging of Easter baskets. Mine is pretty fly, emblazoned with the Superman logo.
The Easter Bunny's lesser-known cousin, The Terror Bunny
At some point last night I was visited by the Easter Bunny (who is apparently pals with Jamie). Before I'd even had a cup of coffee I was on an egg-hunt, lurching around the house trying to find both plastic and real eggs. Apparently my egg-finding skills are a bit rusty as Jamie had to use the tried-and-true "Warmer/colder" method to help me find 90% of the little potential stink bombs.
Anyhoo, hope everyone is having a fantastic Easter.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Odds and Ends
So, despite what the cover of Newsweek would have you believe, nobody gives a shit either about Katie Couric moving to CBS news or, possibly, the CBS evening news. (Who the hell is home in time to see the national news?)
Don't believe me? Gallup says:
Only about 1 in 10 Americans say they are more likely to watch the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric in the anchor seat, and roughly the same percentage say they are less likely to watch, according to a new USA Today/Gallup poll. Despite Couric's presumed power to produce high ratings, only 6% of Americans say they will be less likely to watch the Today show when Couric's replacement, Meredith Vieira, steps in. Seven percent say they will be more likely to watch.
Apparently most people don't care who Meredith whats-her-name is, either. I will say my mother has said how happy she is Katie's got herself a new job, but in 31 years I've never seen her watch the evening news, so I doubt we'll see the KareBear start now. I could be wrong. I could be wrong.
SGH has pitched some sort of League-a-Palooza here in Chandler, AZ. Look, I've spent three years in these pages both complaining about this place and trying to escape. Why... WHY would you people want to come here? I guarantee you, two seconds after arriving here you would have a moment of clarity and start looking for a way to change your departure day and time.
1) Today it was 95 degrees. This is as nice as it will be until October 31st.
2) There is nothing to do in Chandler.
3) My comic collection loses it's novelty in about twenty minutes.
4) I'm terrified RHPT may come and discover my entire room dedicated to pictures I've taken of him through his blinds in various states of undress
5) Jamie has a terrible beef-jerky like smell
6) I've secretly been living in Atlanta this entire time
Anyway, you guys are nice to try to come to my aid and amuse me. But let's hold off until the weather is not going to burn out your eye-balls before we entertain any notions of coming to the desert.
Plus, I might be going to ACL Fest, depending on what I can work out. (Radiohead, Jim. Radiohead.)
Uh, what else...?
I watched both episodes of South Park's "Cartoon Wars." Check them out if you have a chance.
I'm trying to figure out where I can get a pair of roller skates. (skates, not "blades"). I've decided that Chandler is completely flat, which means I would NEVER be skating uphill, which means, in a way, Chandler is a perfect roller rink.
Oh, and what's this? My old pal from college, Richard, is getting hitched up to his longtime girlfriend, Laura. Richard isn't really a Leaguer, and, in fact, I haven't heard from Richard in, like, forever. But it sounds like I may be invited to the wedding in late October. I hope Richard is planning on a "Halloween Costume" themed wedding, because I have all kinds of ideas. If Shannon has any info on this, it would be much appreciated.
Anyhoo, it's late and I don't have much for you guys today.
I'll be dipping into the Melbotis Mailbag this weekend. Stop on by!
Oh, and Happy Easter, Leaguers. Whether you're doing the church thing, the secular thing, or taking advantage of the Easter tradition and getting some time off, enjoy.
So, despite what the cover of Newsweek would have you believe, nobody gives a shit either about Katie Couric moving to CBS news or, possibly, the CBS evening news. (Who the hell is home in time to see the national news?)
Don't believe me? Gallup says:
Only about 1 in 10 Americans say they are more likely to watch the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric in the anchor seat, and roughly the same percentage say they are less likely to watch, according to a new USA Today/Gallup poll. Despite Couric's presumed power to produce high ratings, only 6% of Americans say they will be less likely to watch the Today show when Couric's replacement, Meredith Vieira, steps in. Seven percent say they will be more likely to watch.
Apparently most people don't care who Meredith whats-her-name is, either. I will say my mother has said how happy she is Katie's got herself a new job, but in 31 years I've never seen her watch the evening news, so I doubt we'll see the KareBear start now. I could be wrong. I could be wrong.
SGH has pitched some sort of League-a-Palooza here in Chandler, AZ. Look, I've spent three years in these pages both complaining about this place and trying to escape. Why... WHY would you people want to come here? I guarantee you, two seconds after arriving here you would have a moment of clarity and start looking for a way to change your departure day and time.
1) Today it was 95 degrees. This is as nice as it will be until October 31st.
2) There is nothing to do in Chandler.
3) My comic collection loses it's novelty in about twenty minutes.
4) I'm terrified RHPT may come and discover my entire room dedicated to pictures I've taken of him through his blinds in various states of undress
5) Jamie has a terrible beef-jerky like smell
6) I've secretly been living in Atlanta this entire time
Anyway, you guys are nice to try to come to my aid and amuse me. But let's hold off until the weather is not going to burn out your eye-balls before we entertain any notions of coming to the desert.
Plus, I might be going to ACL Fest, depending on what I can work out. (Radiohead, Jim. Radiohead.)
Uh, what else...?
I watched both episodes of South Park's "Cartoon Wars." Check them out if you have a chance.
I'm trying to figure out where I can get a pair of roller skates. (skates, not "blades"). I've decided that Chandler is completely flat, which means I would NEVER be skating uphill, which means, in a way, Chandler is a perfect roller rink.
Oh, and what's this? My old pal from college, Richard, is getting hitched up to his longtime girlfriend, Laura. Richard isn't really a Leaguer, and, in fact, I haven't heard from Richard in, like, forever. But it sounds like I may be invited to the wedding in late October. I hope Richard is planning on a "Halloween Costume" themed wedding, because I have all kinds of ideas. If Shannon has any info on this, it would be much appreciated.
Anyhoo, it's late and I don't have much for you guys today.
I'll be dipping into the Melbotis Mailbag this weekend. Stop on by!
Oh, and Happy Easter, Leaguers. Whether you're doing the church thing, the secular thing, or taking advantage of the Easter tradition and getting some time off, enjoy.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
In the News:
I don't know what was up today, but here are some interesting bits:
-CNN actual headline: Star wears red shirt, no pants to Walk of Fame ceremony
-Apparently a giant rabbit is prowling the British country-side in a manner eerily similar ot "Curse of the Were-Rabbit"
-Those wacky Iranians have figured out how to make enriched uranium. But Condi will not let this stand. I'm not sure what part of the UN charter say the US gets to tell everybody else what to do, but I also understand why this might make the US a bit nervous.
I'm going to break this down for you not following the news:
1) 1970's, a bunch of Iranians kick out the Shah and go all fundamentalist kooky
2) Crazy Iranians take US citizens hostage
3) League, aged 5, vaguely remembers hostages being freed
4) US and Iran do not get along
5) Ayatollah Khomeni hires the Joker (fresh off killing Jason Todd) to become Iran's ambassador to the UN. Joker given complete diplomatic immunity by lousy UN charter. Superman and Batman team-up and foil the Joker's plot to use his lethal "Joker Gas" on the UN General Assembly. Jim Aparo's pencils rock in this issue.
6) US invades Iraq. Threatens anyone looking funny at US in the region with a "who want's some?" sort of squinty-eyed Eastwoody thing. US does much chest punding and making of "Whoooo"ing sound.
7) Many US citizens buy little ribbon magnets for their cars.
8) Iranians feel threatened.
8) Iranians elect fundamentalist who promises he will "take no guff"
9) Former US hostages say, "hey, wasn't that the a@@hole who held us hostage...?"
10) Iran decides to start either petroleum free energy program or world-ending nuclear program, depending on who you wanna believe
11) US says "The only people who can have nukes are us, Russia, a scad of former USSR countries, India, maybe Pakistan, and like four other countries."
12) Iranians point to small article on back of Denny's menu stating they are a sovereign nation and can pretty much do whatever the hell they want, a la the U.S.
13) IAEA feels uncomfortable as friend caught in the middle
14) Condi makes her "angry face"
15) Saber rattling commences
16) Realizing this may go past 5:00, UN Security Coucil orders out for pizza.
There you go.
-In fake news, a sequel is planned for Snakes on a Plane (in someone's imagination).
-Thousands of Phish fans suddenly headed for Alaska before the laws change
That's my news-in-brief.
Thanks to everyone for a swell birthday! It was a good one and certainly one for the record books.
Steanso has gone wayyyyy out of his way to make sure that I do not forget some key moments from my childhood. Go to AoS. (editor's note: The League is known as "Roundball" at AoS)
We'll be back soon, same bat time, same bat channel.
I don't know what was up today, but here are some interesting bits:
-CNN actual headline: Star wears red shirt, no pants to Walk of Fame ceremony
-Apparently a giant rabbit is prowling the British country-side in a manner eerily similar ot "Curse of the Were-Rabbit"
-Those wacky Iranians have figured out how to make enriched uranium. But Condi will not let this stand. I'm not sure what part of the UN charter say the US gets to tell everybody else what to do, but I also understand why this might make the US a bit nervous.
I'm going to break this down for you not following the news:
1) 1970's, a bunch of Iranians kick out the Shah and go all fundamentalist kooky
2) Crazy Iranians take US citizens hostage
3) League, aged 5, vaguely remembers hostages being freed
4) US and Iran do not get along
5) Ayatollah Khomeni hires the Joker (fresh off killing Jason Todd) to become Iran's ambassador to the UN. Joker given complete diplomatic immunity by lousy UN charter. Superman and Batman team-up and foil the Joker's plot to use his lethal "Joker Gas" on the UN General Assembly. Jim Aparo's pencils rock in this issue.
6) US invades Iraq. Threatens anyone looking funny at US in the region with a "who want's some?" sort of squinty-eyed Eastwoody thing. US does much chest punding and making of "Whoooo"ing sound.
7) Many US citizens buy little ribbon magnets for their cars.
8) Iranians feel threatened.
8) Iranians elect fundamentalist who promises he will "take no guff"
9) Former US hostages say, "hey, wasn't that the a@@hole who held us hostage...?"
10) Iran decides to start either petroleum free energy program or world-ending nuclear program, depending on who you wanna believe
11) US says "The only people who can have nukes are us, Russia, a scad of former USSR countries, India, maybe Pakistan, and like four other countries."
12) Iranians point to small article on back of Denny's menu stating they are a sovereign nation and can pretty much do whatever the hell they want, a la the U.S.
13) IAEA feels uncomfortable as friend caught in the middle
14) Condi makes her "angry face"
15) Saber rattling commences
16) Realizing this may go past 5:00, UN Security Coucil orders out for pizza.
There you go.
-In fake news, a sequel is planned for Snakes on a Plane (in someone's imagination).
-Thousands of Phish fans suddenly headed for Alaska before the laws change
That's my news-in-brief.
Thanks to everyone for a swell birthday! It was a good one and certainly one for the record books.
Steanso has gone wayyyyy out of his way to make sure that I do not forget some key moments from my childhood. Go to AoS. (editor's note: The League is known as "Roundball" at AoS)
We'll be back soon, same bat time, same bat channel.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Hey, it's The League's 31st Birthday.
Happy Birthday to me.
I've tried to make it a little tradition to post the lyrics to a song each year on this day.
Waitin' for a Superman
Flaming Lips
Asked you a question
I didn't need you to reply
Is it gettin' heavy?
But they'll realize
Is it gettin' heavy?
Well I thought it was already as heavy
As can be
Is it overwhelming
To use a crane to crush a fly?
It's a good time for Superman
To lift the sun into the sky
'Cause it's gettin' heavy
Well I thought it was already as heavy
As can be
Tell everybody
Waitin' for Superman
That they should try to hold on
Best they can
He hasn't dropped them
Forgot them
Or anything
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift
Is it gettin' heavy?
Well I thought it was already as heavy as can be.
Tell everybody
Waitin' for Superman
That they should try to hold on
Best they can
He hasn't dropped them
Forgot them
Or anything
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift
Happy Birthday to me.
I've tried to make it a little tradition to post the lyrics to a song each year on this day.
Waitin' for a Superman
Flaming Lips
Asked you a question
I didn't need you to reply
Is it gettin' heavy?
But they'll realize
Is it gettin' heavy?
Well I thought it was already as heavy
As can be
Is it overwhelming
To use a crane to crush a fly?
It's a good time for Superman
To lift the sun into the sky
'Cause it's gettin' heavy
Well I thought it was already as heavy
As can be
Tell everybody
Waitin' for Superman
That they should try to hold on
Best they can
He hasn't dropped them
Forgot them
Or anything
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift
Is it gettin' heavy?
Well I thought it was already as heavy as can be.
Tell everybody
Waitin' for Superman
That they should try to hold on
Best they can
He hasn't dropped them
Forgot them
Or anything
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift
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