Monday, January 19, 2004
It's not looking good for The League's candidate of choice, the Reverend Al Sharpton. We sincerely hope that the good Reverend is able to pull ahead in the late hours of voting/ caucusing (or whatever the hell those Iowans are doing). However, should the good Reverend flop in the primaries, we are also excited about the notion of the good Reverend appearing in a future installment of The Surreal Life, possibly with Carrot Top, Cameo and Jenny McCarthy. I can dream, can't I?
Sunday, January 18, 2004
Two new blogs we're linking to here at the League.
Big salute to Emily for her colorful entry into the mind-boggling world of public journaling. And also to Distorted Veracity, which Jim pointed me to, and who has more faith in Rick Barnes and Co then myself.
Big salute to Emily for her colorful entry into the mind-boggling world of public journaling. And also to Distorted Veracity, which Jim pointed me to, and who has more faith in Rick Barnes and Co then myself.
The League is feeling oddly uninspired as of late.
There is a cloud of professional doom hanging over The league's head which may be part of the consternation. Also, the fact that "Ask Melbotis" was lifted directly from "Ask Zelda" over on Maxwell's page seems more than a little disingenuous.
I went to sleep at 7:30pm on Friday after a very, very busy work week. 7:30! I haven't done that in years. Somehow on the way home it hit me that I was insanely tired. I came home, ate a sandwich (I don't even know where the sandwich came from) and sat on the couch looking at the TV, feeling awful "it's been thirty minutes, and I feel no less awful" I told myself. I looked at the clock. It had been 3 minutes.
"I'm butt-assed tired," I said to Jamie. "I am going to bed."
And then I slept for 12 long hours. Which was terrific, because I got up at 7:30 and felt totally great.
The weekend went okay. I saw a good movie. Jamie even watched Conan with me on DVD, and we took Mel out to the pseudo-park in our neighborhood.
All in all, very quiet. Very nice.
But tomorrow I am going into work even though the Federal holiday says I don't have to. Too much to do. The professional hammer threatens to drop.
I need to go to the dry cleaner, and I need to buy a black ink cartridge for my printer. And I need to clean my bathroom, which is just gross enough I don't even want to touch it with cleaning agents.
Oh, and I ordered a jacket from an online store for fat guys. Yeah, I'm 6'5" and fat. The Gap does not accomodate me, which I tell them every time I am waiting while Jamie selects jeans. And then the sales guy says "oh, we have big sizes!" and then tells me a size I wore last when I was 19. Then I threaten to eat the stupid sales guy's head. I measured myself today. I am just at 6'5"+ in Nikes and something like 27 inches from elbow to elbow when my arms hang comfortably. Which means I don't fit in airplane seats and must order from this dumb online company if I want so much as a windbreaker because the retail store doesn't carry winter accesories in Arizona. Which is dumb. Anyway, the jacket is marked as "delivered" according to the company's website, but I don't have the jacket, so it's totally ridiculous. We'll see how it pans out, but dollars to donuts, I end up getting screwed on this one.
There is a cloud of professional doom hanging over The league's head which may be part of the consternation. Also, the fact that "Ask Melbotis" was lifted directly from "Ask Zelda" over on Maxwell's page seems more than a little disingenuous.
I went to sleep at 7:30pm on Friday after a very, very busy work week. 7:30! I haven't done that in years. Somehow on the way home it hit me that I was insanely tired. I came home, ate a sandwich (I don't even know where the sandwich came from) and sat on the couch looking at the TV, feeling awful "it's been thirty minutes, and I feel no less awful" I told myself. I looked at the clock. It had been 3 minutes.
"I'm butt-assed tired," I said to Jamie. "I am going to bed."
And then I slept for 12 long hours. Which was terrific, because I got up at 7:30 and felt totally great.
The weekend went okay. I saw a good movie. Jamie even watched Conan with me on DVD, and we took Mel out to the pseudo-park in our neighborhood.
All in all, very quiet. Very nice.
But tomorrow I am going into work even though the Federal holiday says I don't have to. Too much to do. The professional hammer threatens to drop.
I need to go to the dry cleaner, and I need to buy a black ink cartridge for my printer. And I need to clean my bathroom, which is just gross enough I don't even want to touch it with cleaning agents.
Oh, and I ordered a jacket from an online store for fat guys. Yeah, I'm 6'5" and fat. The Gap does not accomodate me, which I tell them every time I am waiting while Jamie selects jeans. And then the sales guy says "oh, we have big sizes!" and then tells me a size I wore last when I was 19. Then I threaten to eat the stupid sales guy's head. I measured myself today. I am just at 6'5"+ in Nikes and something like 27 inches from elbow to elbow when my arms hang comfortably. Which means I don't fit in airplane seats and must order from this dumb online company if I want so much as a windbreaker because the retail store doesn't carry winter accesories in Arizona. Which is dumb. Anyway, the jacket is marked as "delivered" according to the company's website, but I don't have the jacket, so it's totally ridiculous. We'll see how it pans out, but dollars to donuts, I end up getting screwed on this one.
Friday, January 16, 2004
I'm officially "the guy from out of state who won't shut up about his home state." As much as I loathed these people before, i am now one of their ranks.
I think it's that Texas has been my context for 20+ years, and Arizona is kind of... blah. Not much interesting happens here. Nobody is from here, nobody gives a damn about Phoenix as much as the proximity to Sedona, and for the most part, you get the feeling folks weren't that attached to the places they came from in the first place.
I find that, as not one interesting thing has happened since I moved to Arizona, I tend to have to use my past (ie, my stay in Texas) as a reference for all anecdotal points, evidence, storytelling, etc...
So, yesterday, someone was talking about textbooks in public education, and I mentioned how Texas doesn't allow for a proper explanation of evolution in it's textbooks for grades K-12 and the implication for publishers across the country. We drifted off to other topics (including a discussion about Giants, which was kind of fascinating), but somehow ended up on the planets, and were trying to figure out how big Mars is.
"Is it as big as Texas?" someone asked me, rather pointedly.
I kind of laughed, but it suddenly became very, very clear... everyone is sick to death of hearing about how things were in The Lone Star State.
Whether I like it or not, i am still in Arizona. THis fact is not going to change until something drastic occurs. But I also need to respect that for some reason, these people adore this place. And I need to quit looking backward and start looking more at this place and what it has to offer. Arizona is, and can be, many things. I may not like all of them, but I wasn't exactly Little Mary Sunshine about all that went down in Texas, either.
I will henceforth quit referring always to how "it's this way here, but in Texas...", ecause it's dumb and it doesn't matter what they do in Texas (even if it is better).
I think it's that Texas has been my context for 20+ years, and Arizona is kind of... blah. Not much interesting happens here. Nobody is from here, nobody gives a damn about Phoenix as much as the proximity to Sedona, and for the most part, you get the feeling folks weren't that attached to the places they came from in the first place.
I find that, as not one interesting thing has happened since I moved to Arizona, I tend to have to use my past (ie, my stay in Texas) as a reference for all anecdotal points, evidence, storytelling, etc...
So, yesterday, someone was talking about textbooks in public education, and I mentioned how Texas doesn't allow for a proper explanation of evolution in it's textbooks for grades K-12 and the implication for publishers across the country. We drifted off to other topics (including a discussion about Giants, which was kind of fascinating), but somehow ended up on the planets, and were trying to figure out how big Mars is.
"Is it as big as Texas?" someone asked me, rather pointedly.
I kind of laughed, but it suddenly became very, very clear... everyone is sick to death of hearing about how things were in The Lone Star State.
Whether I like it or not, i am still in Arizona. THis fact is not going to change until something drastic occurs. But I also need to respect that for some reason, these people adore this place. And I need to quit looking backward and start looking more at this place and what it has to offer. Arizona is, and can be, many things. I may not like all of them, but I wasn't exactly Little Mary Sunshine about all that went down in Texas, either.
I will henceforth quit referring always to how "it's this way here, but in Texas...", ecause it's dumb and it doesn't matter what they do in Texas (even if it is better).
Thursday, January 15, 2004
A cat owner writes:
Dear Melbotis,
How do you feel about cats? Have you ever met any?
Signed,
A cat owner
Dear A cat owner,
Mel not always live in smelly hot place. Long ago, Mel live with funny girls and they have many, many cat things. Mel would spend countless hour with funny cat things stare at him. Stare and stare. And then Mel go crazy and chase cat until Mel get tired and lay down and one day Mel move in with chubby-boy-thing and white lady. White lady sleeps alot and then gets fired and she is home alot. But not as much home as yellow cat who punch at my head and occasionally bite the tail. The cat stupid and bite the sleepy lady and the lady yell and flap hands and go "Jeff! You little bastard!" and the chubby man quit looking at flicker-box and laugh at lady and cat. Then I go outside.
Dear Melbotis,
How do you feel about cats? Have you ever met any?
Signed,
A cat owner
Dear A cat owner,
Mel not always live in smelly hot place. Long ago, Mel live with funny girls and they have many, many cat things. Mel would spend countless hour with funny cat things stare at him. Stare and stare. And then Mel go crazy and chase cat until Mel get tired and lay down and one day Mel move in with chubby-boy-thing and white lady. White lady sleeps alot and then gets fired and she is home alot. But not as much home as yellow cat who punch at my head and occasionally bite the tail. The cat stupid and bite the sleepy lady and the lady yell and flap hands and go "Jeff! You little bastard!" and the chubby man quit looking at flicker-box and laugh at lady and cat. Then I go outside.
Josh writes:
Dear Melbotis,
When is it okay to play with the lights off?
Sincerely,
Josh Lowry
Dear Josh,
This is toughy. Mel not absolutely sure when it okay. When mel in yard, sometime the light on and sometime the light off. Light on mostly in middle of day in yard, but at same time, light off in house. At night, outside, light off. In house, light on, until chubby-man-thing go to bed. Then light off. Lady sleep all time whether light on, off, flickering, music blasting or cat sitting on her head. When the light go off in house at night, man say "All right, pets. Time for bed." which is dumb, because bed is always there. No time for bed. So when light on in backyard mel run and run and runa nd run and bark at stupid neighbor dog. Bark bark bark. At night, light off in yard, and Mel run and run and run and bark bark bark. Not make much difference.
But Mel suspect something deeper lay at root of Josh question. So mel think and think and think and think and think and come up with nothing. So he think some more. And then he think how sad he not know and want a treat because when mel eat, mel happier. So Mel lay down and think about treat. But Mel think maybe you ask Mrs. Lowry when it okay, and if that not good, you ask Mrs. Lowry dad, because he know Don to be straight shooter. In fact, mel will forward question to Mr. Shannon Dad and tell him Josh ask and then he be very proud.
Dear Melbotis,
When is it okay to play with the lights off?
Sincerely,
Josh Lowry
Dear Josh,
This is toughy. Mel not absolutely sure when it okay. When mel in yard, sometime the light on and sometime the light off. Light on mostly in middle of day in yard, but at same time, light off in house. At night, outside, light off. In house, light on, until chubby-man-thing go to bed. Then light off. Lady sleep all time whether light on, off, flickering, music blasting or cat sitting on her head. When the light go off in house at night, man say "All right, pets. Time for bed." which is dumb, because bed is always there. No time for bed. So when light on in backyard mel run and run and runa nd run and bark at stupid neighbor dog. Bark bark bark. At night, light off in yard, and Mel run and run and run and bark bark bark. Not make much difference.
But Mel suspect something deeper lay at root of Josh question. So mel think and think and think and think and think and come up with nothing. So he think some more. And then he think how sad he not know and want a treat because when mel eat, mel happier. So Mel lay down and think about treat. But Mel think maybe you ask Mrs. Lowry when it okay, and if that not good, you ask Mrs. Lowry dad, because he know Don to be straight shooter. In fact, mel will forward question to Mr. Shannon Dad and tell him Josh ask and then he be very proud.
Molly writes:
Dear Melbotis,
Who was the nastiest villian you ever subdued?
Molly
Dear Molly,
As golden retriever, Mel tend to like everyone except stupid dog next door. Mel am genetically incapable of disliking anyone. When bad people, like small people in stroller go by, I bark bark bark, but I never get to them. Tiny people in strollers are not real people, so Mel is not liking them because they scream and poo on self. Also slightly larger small people who smell like syrup. Bleah!
Mostly I used to try to catch funny man who leave things in box in front of house, but due to fence, never got hold of him or man who steal smelly garbage.
No matter how much Mel would like to capture people, it not happen too often, but when i want revenge, i poop on carpet. If Mel had one person he could bring to justice, would be lady who take Mel temperature.
Dear Melbotis,
Who was the nastiest villian you ever subdued?
Molly
Dear Molly,
As golden retriever, Mel tend to like everyone except stupid dog next door. Mel am genetically incapable of disliking anyone. When bad people, like small people in stroller go by, I bark bark bark, but I never get to them. Tiny people in strollers are not real people, so Mel is not liking them because they scream and poo on self. Also slightly larger small people who smell like syrup. Bleah!
Mostly I used to try to catch funny man who leave things in box in front of house, but due to fence, never got hold of him or man who steal smelly garbage.
No matter how much Mel would like to capture people, it not happen too often, but when i want revenge, i poop on carpet. If Mel had one person he could bring to justice, would be lady who take Mel temperature.
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
With Bush announcing today that we, as a nation, are once again spacebound, is there anyone who didn't think of this article?
FYI, kids... I have no idea if this movie will be any good or not, but I can tell you I will see it. Warner Bros. missed the boat by not doing something similar with The Blackhawks, and the look and feel is vintage Superman crazy robot.
C'est la vie. Any movie willing to put giant humanoid robots in it is a movie I want to see.
So it's Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow for my summer fun.
C'est la vie. Any movie willing to put giant humanoid robots in it is a movie I want to see.
So it's Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow for my summer fun.
Christopher Reeve triumphantly returns to Smallville in his role as the mysterious Dr. Swann! If you didn't see his appearance last season, it was fantastic.
Couple of things...
I've added Molly's blog to the The League. If I remember correctly, she is in Japan, but as I do not know Molly, I do not know why she is in Japan. In fact, after hearing scary stories about working in Japan for half an hour on Friday, I feel kind of bad for Molly, but as she is somewhat unsinkable, nobody needs to pity her.
So check out Molly's blog. (and yes, Molly... I took quite a shine to the web-link on your blog...)
Speaking of friends of the Uncanny Dedman, RHPT surfaced yesterday sounding a bit glum. So check in on Randy and make sure the dude is okay. He has a wedding coming up, after all.
Thirdly, one of my bestest pals ever, Jeffrey Alan (Peabo) Peek, announced he was engaged yesterday. Engaged. My little Peabo is all grown up.
I don't really know the girl. I met her once in September, but she seemed like a swell dame, which may be reason enough to warn her off now. Anyhoo, I've known Jeff since 4th grade, we went to college together and the dude was in my wedding in one way or another. He's a square G and an all around decent guy. He's also a defense attorney in Austin, so he gives my brother a good run for his money. Adrianna is some sort of legal-thingy (a lawyer maybe... we were drinking... my memory is hazy here) at the Mexican Consulate in downtown Austin. Aside from that bit of information and the fact that she has a winning smile, the girl remains a bit of a mystery. So I wish Jeff "Peabo" Peek and Adrianna (sp?) the best of luck. Well, really, I wish Adrianna the best of luck, because she will now be legally bound to Peabo for the duration.
I've added Molly's blog to the The League. If I remember correctly, she is in Japan, but as I do not know Molly, I do not know why she is in Japan. In fact, after hearing scary stories about working in Japan for half an hour on Friday, I feel kind of bad for Molly, but as she is somewhat unsinkable, nobody needs to pity her.
So check out Molly's blog. (and yes, Molly... I took quite a shine to the web-link on your blog...)
Speaking of friends of the Uncanny Dedman, RHPT surfaced yesterday sounding a bit glum. So check in on Randy and make sure the dude is okay. He has a wedding coming up, after all.
Thirdly, one of my bestest pals ever, Jeffrey Alan (Peabo) Peek, announced he was engaged yesterday. Engaged. My little Peabo is all grown up.
I don't really know the girl. I met her once in September, but she seemed like a swell dame, which may be reason enough to warn her off now. Anyhoo, I've known Jeff since 4th grade, we went to college together and the dude was in my wedding in one way or another. He's a square G and an all around decent guy. He's also a defense attorney in Austin, so he gives my brother a good run for his money. Adrianna is some sort of legal-thingy (a lawyer maybe... we were drinking... my memory is hazy here) at the Mexican Consulate in downtown Austin. Aside from that bit of information and the fact that she has a winning smile, the girl remains a bit of a mystery. So I wish Jeff "Peabo" Peek and Adrianna (sp?) the best of luck. Well, really, I wish Adrianna the best of luck, because she will now be legally bound to Peabo for the duration.
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
Jeff S. writes:
What is Heather's damage?
Sincerely, -Jeff
Dear Jeff,
mel am wondering same thing. Mel say "do something to me gently with chainsaw." Blowing up school with everyone inside is less funny now than in 1987 before mel was born. When Mel born, back in good old day of 1999, not much to do but go to Bryan house and pee on Jeff bed while jeff not around. Also, lick Jeff toothbrush to show how much we love Jeff. Many time I run in circle and then poop. Hurray! me will have treat and lay down. Mel not expecting so many question in first day.
What is Heather's damage?
Sincerely, -Jeff
Dear Jeff,
mel am wondering same thing. Mel say "do something to me gently with chainsaw." Blowing up school with everyone inside is less funny now than in 1987 before mel was born. When Mel born, back in good old day of 1999, not much to do but go to Bryan house and pee on Jeff bed while jeff not around. Also, lick Jeff toothbrush to show how much we love Jeff. Many time I run in circle and then poop. Hurray! me will have treat and lay down. Mel not expecting so many question in first day.
Jamie asks:
Dear Melbotis,
If you were a superhero, what would your super powers be? Also, what are your secrets for keeping that striking figure of yours?
Jamie,
Mel not know why you send e-mail when I on tile while you sit on couch. You are mean for not let me on couch and I hate stupid you for no couch sitting. Stupid cat always on couch and get nice treat, but Mel on stupid tile. If Mel were Superhero mel have amazing power to open gate and go outside. Mel also would punch stupid neighbor dog in head. Stupid neighbor dog would not be so tough then.
Mel also think Jamie being disingenuous with last question and ask how Jamie keep amazing skinny-squirrel-like shape when Jamie not protecting house all day? Mel get only dry food once a day and chase ball. You eat bean dip. Also, mel have ability to rearrange molecules and change solids to liquids or gas.
Dear Melbotis,
If you were a superhero, what would your super powers be? Also, what are your secrets for keeping that striking figure of yours?
Jamie,
Mel not know why you send e-mail when I on tile while you sit on couch. You are mean for not let me on couch and I hate stupid you for no couch sitting. Stupid cat always on couch and get nice treat, but Mel on stupid tile. If Mel were Superhero mel have amazing power to open gate and go outside. Mel also would punch stupid neighbor dog in head. Stupid neighbor dog would not be so tough then.
Mel also think Jamie being disingenuous with last question and ask how Jamie keep amazing skinny-squirrel-like shape when Jamie not protecting house all day? Mel get only dry food once a day and chase ball. You eat bean dip. Also, mel have ability to rearrange molecules and change solids to liquids or gas.
Randy wirtes:
Dear Mel,
What's Ryan and Jamie Steans really like? Is the irreverant, off-beat humour Ryan presents in his blog merely a front for somethng more sinister? What kind of evil lie in their hearts?
Keep barking!
Randy
Randy,
Me am so glad you kick off Ask Melbotis! question column with serious intellectual challenge! Mel also impressed with inappropriate use of plural/ non-plural in your question. So! What am Ryan and Jamie really like? Ryan is like stinky recliner and Jamie is like big white squirrel with no tail. Hello! Where is the ball? Hello! But to point... am Ryan sinister instead off-beat humor? Where is ball? Hello, ball. Is treat time? Hello! Is man-chair and white squirrel sinister? Possibly. Sometime they go off to outer space and leave me in house or yard until sun come back down and then I bark bark bark bark and birds poop on tree. Good-bye.
Dear Mel,
What's Ryan and Jamie Steans really like? Is the irreverant, off-beat humour Ryan presents in his blog merely a front for somethng more sinister? What kind of evil lie in their hearts?
Keep barking!
Randy
Randy,
Me am so glad you kick off Ask Melbotis! question column with serious intellectual challenge! Mel also impressed with inappropriate use of plural/ non-plural in your question. So! What am Ryan and Jamie really like? Ryan is like stinky recliner and Jamie is like big white squirrel with no tail. Hello! Where is the ball? Hello! But to point... am Ryan sinister instead off-beat humor? Where is ball? Hello, ball. Is treat time? Hello! Is man-chair and white squirrel sinister? Possibly. Sometime they go off to outer space and leave me in house or yard until sun come back down and then I bark bark bark bark and birds poop on tree. Good-bye.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)