Rusty writes:

Hi Melbotis this is Rusty Steans

Im a Bedlington Terrier and live across the pond in South Yorkshire England my hobbies include chasing rabbits, tennis balls and lady terriers

This is my dads bands Web Site: http://rock-it3.tripod.com/

Here is Rusty:



Dear Rusty,

Mel is so happy to hear from other doggy. Too often, Mel hear from nobody all day but stupid baby dog. Stupid baby dog say, "Hello! Hello! Hello! Me too! Me too! Me too!" That all she say all day.

Sometime Melbotis despair.

So Melbotis VERY happy to hear from Rusty.

But Mel must ask: Where does Rusty keep his eyes? Mel sees no eyeballs.

I ask Chubby-Couch-Man what pond is.

"What?"
"Pond."
"It's like a sort of standing body of water. Usually associated with pussywillows and lily-pads and... Wait, we live in Arizona. Why the hell do you care what a pond is?"
"Rusty live across pond."
"He lives in the UK. It's a sort of group of islands off the coast of France. They have kings and stuff. Occasionally they dominate the world."
"So what is Pond?"
"Uhmm... I dunno. It's a way to make fun of the Atlantic ocean and display friendship between the US and UK. We're just separated by a pond, not an ocean, see?"
"Is England an archipelago?"
"You know what, buddy. We're Americans. We don't need to really know a darn thing about geography. It's just not in us."
"I see."

So Mel not entirely certain what England is, but he happy to have friend like Rusty who lives on same island as Harry Potter.

Melbotis have pal, Steanso, who in band in Austin, Texas. You may try to understand what Mono Ensemble up to, because Mel not understand.

Mel more of a fan of Al Green and this record.

Anyway, Mel so happy to hear about Rusty and Trev. Hello! Hello!

So, thus far, not only has The League not made one cent by placing ads, The League noticed that the three click-thru's he placed himself came to nothing.

So, The League is looking at a bleak future of having to do this for free.

C'mon, you jerks! Buy something! Support The League's Sponsors.


I was thinking the other day...

Where the hell are Loyal Leaguers Nathan and Jill? Nathan has gone mostly AWOL since the appearance of his child, and Jill disappeared from my Inbox just after announcing her move to Kalamazoo.

No, really. There's a place in Michigan called Kalamazoo. It is where the Hermann-Wilmarths go to nest every summer.


I am going to try to read the following actual books this summer (before I return to school and cannot make time to read fun things).

1. Theodore Rex
2. Eisner/ Miller

I'm wanting to read a good political biography or other book regaling me with some historical interest. But it's been a while since I was a history major, and I really don't know where to start.

Anybody know any good historical non-fiction?

Entertainment Weekly, CNN.com (sorry, the story is gone now. No link available) and others have all been jumping on the low box office receipts for this year.

Lots of had-wringing reports have come out recently stating that box office has dropped off to such a degree that movie going will most certainly end and we'll all end up watching movies on pay-per-view.

But check out the Top Ten.

Kingdom of Heaven20th Century Fox
House of WaxWarner Bros.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the GalaxyTouchstone
CrashLions Gate
The InterpreterUniversal
XXX: State of the UnionColumbia
The Amityville HorrorMGM
SaharaParamount
A Lot Like LoveTouchstone
Fever Pitch20th Century Fox


Of the top ten movies:

2 were remakes of Horror Classics with a B-level cast (the original House of Wax scared me to death when I was 13, and Amityville... Amityville was debunked years ago, and the story really isn't THAT compelling. Not to mention the glut of haunted house movies from the past six years or so) In a seeming effort to drive away a good chunk of the audience, one movie has even inserted Paris Hilton.

1 was a remake of XXX. Without the titular actor returning. Nor any sign of the rocket-propelled, nuclear-powered submarine.

1 was a period piece about a period which most Americans, I am guessing, know about mostly from having seen Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.

Hitchhiker's is an adaptation if nichey, culty book, which may have produced a nichey, culty movie audience.

2 romantic comedies (because the earth will quit spinning if we don't have two romantic comedies at the cineplex at all times) . One stars Jimmy Fallon. The other stars Ashton Kutcher, who everyone over the age of 19 (Ms. Moore excepted) kind of hates. *

Crash, which looks kind of preachy

And Sahara which looks like... well, sort of like "The Jewel of the Nile". Except with all the star power of Penelope Cruz. Because, we are all told, we all love Penelope Cruz.

and The Interpreter, which looks like those thrillers from the eighties which take themselves very seriously and usually involve people talking in hushed tones and looking at photos and whatnot. But you can be sure, everyone will be very, very grave.

It's not that anything in the top 10 even looks all that bad, it's that none of it really looks all that good. Even Kingdom of Heaven looks like a movie you're asking me to make an investment in before sitting down. I mean, I see a horse and a suit of armor, and I figure, with trailers, the fastest I'm getting out of the theater in 3 hours, 10 minues. That's a sizeable chunk of my weekend. It better be pretty darn good. And yet it stars Orlando Bloom.

Mostly, everything just sort of looks like something I've seen before. And I've got cable if I want to see things I've already seen before.

That, and Hollywood has decided it's already Summer Movie Season, and if they decide, it must be, right?

1. It was snowing last week in Michigan. I know this because my consultant from Ann Arbor told me this. It may be 72 and breezy in LALA Land, but the rest of the country is still trying to decide how many layers to wear.

2. Kids aren't out of school and college kids are in finals. This is your audience. If you really want to get kids to skip studying in order to go to the movies, you better have some serious explosions up your sleeve. I mean, you'd best be offering up the "choose between the red pill and the blue pill"-type explosions.

And I don't know if it's just me slowly going crazier (this is what Steanso blames), but if I have an option between paying $8.00 to half hear my movie and half hear somebody else's conversation, or, if I can just watch a movie on my 27" TV, stop and start it at will, and not worry about some kid kicking my seat... well, The League knows what the League is going to do.

Honestly, we now pick movies, movie times and venues pretty well. We've gotten it all down to a bit of a science. Aside from the kids under 10 running about during The Aviator, we've done pretty well lately.

But for the most part, there's just not much I want to see. Or at least, for $8.00 a ticket, plus $3.50 for a coke, and $2.50 for a box of Hot Tamales, I mean... do I really want to do all that in order to see Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore? Isn't there something on Discovery?

Not every movie is going to be gold. In fact, I usually think 1 in 5 being something of interest ain't bad. But I hate the whining. Why isn't anyone going to the movies? Because the movies look really uninteresting.

And it's tough to take anyone seriously who complains that Star Wars' $300+ million take won't meet expectations... but, who is setting these expectations? And how are they setting them? Last I checked, $300 million is the GDP of some smaller countries.

The League loves movies. Really. We do. We try not to be film snobs (and certainly do not feel that we've got the pedigree to be a film snob). And we try to enjoy movies for both escapism and for the commentary they can deliver in teh right hands.

But we don't like articles written chastising the general populace for not going to the movies while refusing to suggest that, maybe... just maybe... the product the studios are offering us just doesn't look like it should cost us $30 after candy and soda are accounted for.


*The League hereby declares Our services open to the Hollywood elite. But, especially, to casting directors.

The League would make ourselves available 24 hours a day to all casting directors. For a nominal fee, you could call me up, tell me :

1. the story of the movie in some broadstrokes
2. a bit about the character
3. your intended audience
4. how much money you really want to make, gross
5. which well-known actor you're considering for the part

The League will then tell you:

1. if the League perceives the well-known actor to be a complete jack-ass
2. whether or not the coveted 18-34 year old male audience will see the movie
3. if he'd pay matinee or full price
4. and why he really, really hates the actor you just called to ask him about

We think we'd find this service to be not only a step toward the betterment of mankind, but, also, we'd find it personally gratifying.

Some additions to The Royal Roster of Loyal Leaguers

We've added a few items to the blogroll recently. Check out Return to Comics and Dave's Long Box. Both have linked to The League, although The League does not know these people. We assume they are nice folks.

On a less comics-oriented front, God of Biscuits linked to The League, so we're returning the favor. We don't know God of Biscuits, but we assume he is the deity who gave King Biscuit his Flower Power.

And, of course, Michael Scaljon, whom I have not figured how he knows Jim.

****UPDATE****

Jim sent me two more folks who have linked to the League.

Pleadings star Heather Durham has linked to the League

as well as this person, known for their Profundities.

The League Totally $@%*ing Sells Out!

So, recently RHPT.com added advertising to RHPT.com. It's his personal blog and, like The League, the blog is Randy's personal gift to humanity.

Randy was attacked in his comments section, and responded here.

The biggest accusation? RHPT.com had lost his indie street cred (which, with $2.50 will get you a cup of coffee), and had TOTALLY $@%*ing sold out. To, I assume, The Man.


For your files, an image of The Man (aka: The Admiral)

The League loves doing anything with will make Jim D. sigh with resignation, and so has applied to join Google AdSense himself.

What, indeed, IS the earning potential of The League of Melbotis? Thus far The League has received goods and services from Loyal Leaguers, and hopes to receive more free stuff in the future. However, The League is morbidly curious to see, exactly, what can come of this.

So, The League decided to see what can happen with the profit-making potential of the internet (thanks, Al Gore!). Especially when you select the biggest ad type which won't totally jack-up your formatting?


The League turns to his usual financial advisor for advice on whether or not this will work.

I do plan to fill in Loyal Leaguers as to the processes and windfalls of my advertising here.

1. I applied to AdSense
2. They e-mailed me back a day later to say "welcome" and provide instructions.
3. The directions are relatively simple to get this thing up and online.
4. I have no idea how I'm actually going to get paid for this, or even what the math is on click-throughs.
5. It doesn't really matter. It's all in good fun.

I have noticed that Google has already done a crawl here at The League. We're now schilling Superman costumes and Justice League outfits.

I've also gone aheaded and added a web-search, courtesy of Our Dread Lord, Google. Have fun with that.

It's capitalism, ahoy! here at the S.S. Melbotis!

Okay, I just spent an hour watching a documentary on Oliver, the Humanzee.

I invite for you to read up on Oliver.

Here.

Here.

Here.

Apparently he lives here, near San Antonio.

As unnerving as Oliver may be, it was just as unnerving to learn that scientists sort of think it might not be too hard to mix and match human and chimpanzee DNA and make a Humanzee.

I can only assume my sense of dread from the other day foretold the loss by Suns from last night. Otherwise, I have no idea.

DC's president and publisher, Paul Levitz, has posted an open letter to DC fans regarding the logo change at the company.

As much as something seems afoot in the actual comics DC publishes, a few rumors have popped up of a DC Comics which will be asked to play ball with the parent omnicorp of Time-Warner. Previously, DC had kept a low profile within the corporation and acted more or less independently, pointing to licensing of the big three in order to justify their existence.

It's not so much that Time-Warner appears to feel DC needs to put up or get closed down, as much as they look at Marvel setting up their own movie studio, a billion dollars in receipts for Spider-Man, and other successes Marvel has managed to leverage. In short, they're looking to further merchandise DC properties and try to manage it in house so travesties like last year's Catwoman do not reoccur.

Personally, I think properties like Green Lantern (Corps), The Flash, Green Arrow and Black Canary might all be viable commodities. Second and third tier characters from DC would be at least as viable as Marvel's. And, heck... Marvel can't seem to sell Blade comic books, but the movies make tens of millions. Could DC make a succesful Question movie? What about Enemy Ace? Or Mr. Terrific?

The concern is this: As DC angles to drop "Comics" from their name, and, instead, become just DC (as is DC toys, DC movies, DC t-shirts)... What are those in power from above Levitz going to do to the comic line? It's never been hugely profitable, and with fewer and fewer comic readers existing in the world, what will happen? Will Time-Warner use it's distribution channels to increase circulation? Will the suits step in and hack and slash titles? Force format change? And, most important... how likely is it that somebody at Time-Warner above Levitz will begin to dictate what content is appropriate for a wider audience? Especially when lunch boxes and action figures get involved in the mix?

It's a waiting game at this point. But I've got faith in DC.

BTW, I like this picture DC has on the website, with Superman and Batman sort of endorsing the logo by association. The picture looks a bit like Superman and Batman are behaving as they might normally when confronted with something new. Batman looks suspicious, ready to kick somebody in the sternum. Superman looks enthusiastic, ready to check out this new thing, confident that if he tries hard enough, it's all going to work out.

Speaking of Superman, Bryan Singer has been publishing video diaries of his work on the currently filming Superman Returns. You can check them out over at Bluetights.net.

The latest video, as of this writing, is video 11. I deeply recommend you check it out. This video shows a first glimpse of the new Daily Planet offices.

Each item which I see regarding this movie makes me believe this movie is going to be the sort of Superman film I want to see.

I've picked up a copy of Sarah Vowell's "The Partly Cloudy Patriot." It's going to be a quick read. Some highly distracted reading tonight got me through about 60 pages. Vowell's writing is conversational, quick and breezy.

It's part-memoir, part navel-gazing, part who knows? Here's what I am really enjoying: a lot of younger writers riff on the morass of pop culture in our lifestyle. Movie, TV, music references. Touchstones which are going to mean something to your Gen-X/ Gen-Y reader more than allusions to House of the Seven Gables.

While Vowell does bring these things up, she's got a lengthier worldview. For the most part, she sticks to what she knows, and this is book of history as pop culture. Where others might dwell upon reruns of Gilligan's Island, Vowell visits Gettysburg and reflects upon Abraham Lincoln's likely penchant for procrastination if he is anything like her fellow writers. But the book doesn't devolve with Vowell swimming in detail. The book uses the knowing shared nod so familiar to Gen X writing, but refers to Thomas Jefferson the way others might point to Mick Jagger.

I won't draw any conclusions yet. I'm on page 61 for God's sake. But I am enjoying the book.

Work is going to pick up drastically this coming week. You may see slightly less of The League. Maybe Mrs. League will pick up the slack?

BTW, Duncan sort of lost that game. One or two better shots earlier on, or even that last shot, and the Spurs could have locked it up. Pretty poor showing for my two remaining teams.

The League Presents:
Suggestions for Further Reading (special edition)







For the previous SFFR, go here.

Well, this evening saw a suprise (to The League, anyway) defeat handed to the Phoenix Suns by the wily Dallas Mavericks.

The Suns came out of the gate showing none of the qualities which have made them an exceptional team throughout the regular season. They certainly picked up steam in the 3rd quarter, and even occasionally took the lead in scoring, but Dallas simply outperformed them.

I missed large chunks of the first half while watching Smallville. Smallville has jumped the shark, and I won't be returning next season. This evening's episode was the single worst episode of any TV show, ever. One more episode and I'm out. It didn't even begin to make any sense.

Honestly, I put a lot of the responsibility for the Dallas victory not on any one player, but believe the laurels should be bestowed upon head coach, Avery Johnson. Avery put a real fire under the Mavs tonight, just as he once was able to do with the Spurs while on the court.

It's tough to say what the loss of Joe Johnson in the second half did to the Suns' overall performance. It seemed to both spur the Suns on, but the lack of Johnson's solid playing may have been the 3 point difference Phoenix needed to win.

I haven't checked the stats, but I think Phoenix's shooting percentage wasn't all that hot.

Ah, well. Off to Dallas for a few games.

Shut up, Marc Cuban.

***update***

It sounds like Joe will be out for a while. I heard on the radio he needs surgery to fix a broken bone near his EYE. Sumuvabitch. Ouch.

The League is unsure of why, but The League has been feeling a general unease of late. It's that sort of "why are the animals all jittery? Oh, look! The volcano is smoking..." jitteriness which seems to be telling me something is currently, or is about to be, horribly, horribly wrong.

No idea what is up, but I can feel it, like a sort of tangible vibe in the air.

Perhaps I am listening to too much Marketplace, perhaps my underwear isn't fitting properly, perhaps it's because nothing in particular is actually going totally wrong at the moment.

Don't get me wrong. The League does not enjoy drama. The League avoids drama at every turn. The League also has never really perceived within himself a sort of Spidey-Sense to pick out trouble before it happens. But every once in a while, The League begins to suspect that maybe things are just a wee bit too quiet, and that can only mean we're in a lull before things get goofy, as things inevitably must do.

Shall it be a work or career problem? Shall it be terrible financial difficulty? Will it be something of a sort of cosmic scale which affects not just The League, but, indeed, the whole planet?

The great thing about walking around with an impending sense of doom, as I am currently doing, is that when something finally does go cataclysmically wrong, The League will say, "Hey, who called the national emergency? THE LEAGUE DID, BABY!"

Anyhow, I guess we'll see.

Suggestions for Further Reading: Some Quick SFFR

Hope you guys went to FCBD. Sounds like Shoemaker took advantage.

Just wanted to surface to point out some recent comics which have been released but which you might have missed.

1) Ex Machina: The First Hundred Days

Fantastic art by Tony Harris complements great writing by the increasingly popular Brian K. Vaughn.
This takes place in a world similar to our own. Things diverge in 1999 when a civil engineer is exposed to a a glowing green device. The story begins as Mitchell Hundred has hung up his jet-pack and is now serving his first term as mayor of NYC. Sound a little sappy? It isn't. Works as both a political-fiction tale (think West Wing) and post-modern Superhero story (think Watchmen).

This collection includes the first five issues of the critically acclaimed series.

Don't believe The League? Michael Chabon recently tapped Brian K. Vaughn to write comics based on the titular comics of his Pultizer Prize winning The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay.


2. We3

This collection of the 3-issue limited series by the incomparable team of Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely is being released June 1.

The story told in this comic is deceptively simple. Three house pets turned into military weapons are broken free when administrators decide to terminate the beta-phase of the project. Sometimes the simple stories are the best.

This story is a heartbreaker and will make you want to love your pets forever and ever.


3. Superman: Unconventional Warfare/ Superman: That Healing Touch

Collecting Greg Rucka's current run on The Adventures of Superman, these two books collect the story thus far. Superior art and a gradually unfolding mystery make this series the best of the Superman books from last year. Fortunately, Rucka has decided to stay with Superman for the foreseeable future.

Introducing a new villain, a new take on an old favorite villain, a few additions to the cast of supporting characters, and more Mxyzptlk than you can shake a stick at, this has been an amazing run.


4. Space Ghost

No, seriously. Space Ghost.

I loved the cartoons as a kid. In some ways, Space Ghost Coast to Coast was a defining element of my college experience.

But, you know, Space Ghost never had jack for an origin, and he never really seemed to be much more than a 70's era Batman in space (with power blasters!). Later, he seemed more like The Admiral with a mask and a mantis piano player.

Joe Kelly pens and Ariel Olivetti provides phenomenal artwork, Alex Ross provides covers. Kelly and Olivetti do their best to make this seem like a lost Humanoids of Heavy Metal project while still incorporating Zorak, Jann and Jayce.

I know! Crazy, huh?

This should be out as a trade in early July.


5. All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder

Coming in July, Frank Miller and Jim Lee present an all new series of Batman comics intended for both the hardcore comic geeks and for folks who barely know Batman from Captain Carrot.

This won't be collected as a trade for some time, and I haven't seen so much as a preview page yet, but I'm putting down my lawn-mowing money in order to get my copy of this one. We think you should, too.


Suggestions for Further Reading: Countdown to Infinite Crisis

Is it just me, or does Nowitzki always cry like a 5 year old? He always has this expression of pained disbelief on his face as if he might start stomping his foot.

What a baby.

So, The League's brother in law was here over the weekend. In a short 72 hour period, Doug managed to remind The League that The League is no kind of man. The League is some sort of man-baby thing.

Only a few hours after getting here we were picking up a rented bike. Why? Because Doug got up at 6:00am on Sunday and rode his rented bike 65 miles around Phoenix. He went places I've routinely thought were too far to bother to drive during the course of a weekend.

Anyway, having Doug here was a nice change of pace. It was also leaps and bounds over the usual visit from Steanso, The League's far less active and far more disappointing actual brother.

All in all, a super-fabulous weekend.

I am very tired.

It looks like the Suns have the wrapped up. I should just go to bed.

Here is a picture of Lucy. Doug took the picture. It is a fairly good representation of what I live with every day.

they've given them legs
dear God, they've given them legs.



Thanks to Dave's Long Box for locating this one.

DC Comics is changing the old bullet logo


to a sort of swooshy star-thingy.

I think this new logo is timely and will really appeal to folks still living in 1992.

This new logo is really great, especially with the baby-blue coloring which will really do a lot to enhance comic book covers trying madly to fit this obtrusive thing into the cover scheme.

The idea is, I guess, to have the DC logo actually appear with DC Comics product. Like, if Beenie Weenie licenses Aquaman to sell Beenie-Weenie, you will see this new logo somewhere on the Beenie-Weenie label. But it should also appear on cartoons, TV programs and movies with DC properties in them. Ina ddition, all those Batman toys and Justice League action figures will also have the new DC bullet printed on the packaging.

I understand the need to place the DC logo all over everything, and I applaud the idea and effort. I'm not sure why they felt the old bullet wouldn't do (which was a great, simplistic design, that fit just about anywhere on a cover and worked in almost any color), but that's the new logo, Leaguers. This new logo makes it appear that the designer never read a DC comic in his/her life. At least not since Brainiac was floating around in a skull-shaped space ship and was referring to himself in 3rd person and shaking his fist menacingly to an empty room while he monologued. (Good times... Good times...)

Go here to see how DC is trying to cram the logo on to the cover, and how someone in marketing is making them print "collector's item" right on the cover. (Really? A collector's item? Well, that's funny, because I'm fairly certain nobody knows who the hell Donna Troy is but collector's anyway, so I guess you're right. It IS a collector's item.)

It's 1992 all over again.

You know, I wouldn't mind ANY of this, if they would quit futzing with verbage on the covers and put the comics back in spinner racks at 7-11 and B. Dalton.

So... Rockets didn't do so well.

I was out and missed the game. Not sure I missed too much.

MVP! MVP! MVP! MVP!
STEVE NASH WINS MVP!

Apparently our chant at the Round 1, Game 1 of the play-offs swayed the voting judges.

Rockets win! And how!

Mayhaps they shall win again. At any rate, the Mavs/ Rockets series has been great.

Randy posted today with a surprise challenge to The League.

Go read it here or else the rest of this post won't make much sense.

First of all, I haven't really gotten involved in this whole Podcasting brouhaha. I am not entirely clear on what it's all about, but people seem to enjoy it. The League has never been an early adopter of technologies, and also finds it difficult to do requests.

I think what Randy is looking for is an episodic bit of The League existing in some sphere outside of that of the blog. Here's the problem as I see it:

1) The League's voice is sort of a nice, flat monotone. It's sort of a mid-range, droning, honking sound. It's awful. Nobody is going to want to listen to that for more than ten seconds.

2) The League requires the time between thought and typing in order to create this unique little universe you see here. Just talking...? Eh. The League doesn't do so well.

Reviewing Randy's individual requests for types of Podcasts:

a) The League has remained friendly because The League doesn't suffer much for politics. Sure, The League is willing to have a nice, reasoned debate, especially when given time to collect The League's thoughts. But The League doesn't watch shouty point/ counter point shows and would rather not add to the mayhem. And here's a secret. I do want to listen to other viewpoints and consider what they've got to say and maybe take it in for a while. I'm not sure what anybody has to gain by me shouting dumb talking points at somebody else's dumb talking points.

b) I assure you, League HQ IS NOT a wild and crazy place to live. If it were, The League would probably not spend its days and nights obsessing about the adventures of musclebound aliens. Further, Jeff, Lucy and Mel cannot actually speak. At least not into a microphone.

c) If you think the League's voice is annoying, doubling that effect by adding in Steanso isn't going to endear us to anybody. Steanso and The League are virtual voice-clones and share a great deal in the way of colloquialisms and usage of the word "dude".

And what do you mean "descend into drug addiction and egomania"? I assure you, we are entirely there already. The League spends his evenings hopped up on Justice League vitamins and preening in front of a mirror trying to get his Superman spit-curl just right. (And I confess... it takes no small amount of ego to maintain a blog like this day after day).

I'm not totally ruling out any possibilities regarding the Podcast. The largest factor is that I haven't determined how much of a hassle this would be.

This is totally unrelated, but does anybody else think that Barkley might be drunk out of his mind on each and every episode of Inside the NBA? The man is a maniac.

Anyhow, I'm not really sure The League would translate well to radio.

BUT...

Thanks, Randy! I appreciate the vote of confidence/ delusion that the League might be fun in other media. It's this kind of support that gives me the uncontrollable ego which Jamie is beginning to find oh so oppressive.

And, uhmmm... Go Rockets!

The League has a confession to make. The League watches American Idol. The League even VOTES for his favorite contestants (God bless toll-free numbers and re-dial).

Thanks to the power of Digital Video Recorders, Mrs. League has managed to cut the entire hour long program down to about 10 minutes. No commercials. No Randy, no Paula, just enough Simon to hear his verdict and cheer him on as he craftily manipulates the voters of America.

(Example: Last night, after a very decent vocal performance by Vonzell Solomon, Simon said, "You better hope your supporters vote for you." In Simon-ese, this means: You did very well, and in order to ensure people who might be sitting on the fence vote for you, I will make it sound like you need all the help you can get. This will ensure you receive an adequate number of votes. Sure enough, Vonzell was one of the top contestants this week.)

I don't know why I watch the show. I mean, it's a stupid show, the performers are somewhat talented, but the style of music doesn't appeal to me in the slightest. I am also well past blaming Jamie for my viewership.

So, of course, this evening I watched the entire Corey Clark deal on ABC. And here, I must get in lock-step with Randy. I'm an American and I'm an idiot, and the news magazines have no trouble exploiting that to boost ratings. Across the planet we have avertable catastrophe after avertable catastrophe, but this evening I dedicated an hour of my life to watching this sorry excuse for a human being "admit" to having had relations with Paula Abdul.

And I think Jim or Randy was going to write a biting editorial on the North Korean situation, but it hasn't appeared yet.

Now, let me clarify: If I had known pretty much any famous person the way Corey claims to have known Paula Abdul, I'd probably want an hour of prime-time TV to tell people about it, too. However, I wouldn't be trying to get a recording contract and a book out of it. I just like to share.

You can read the various reports which are probably trickling out on CNN.com, Yahoo! News, etc... The evidence which Clark provides is circumstantial, but that certainly doesn't mean that it isn't pointing an enormous glowing arrow toward Corey's camp. Corey appears to be a complete jackass, but that doesn't mean he's lying. And just because he's not lying doesn't mean he isn't absolutely without talent.

I had forgotten in the two years since he was on TV how truly awful that guy really is.

Anyway, after the full hour of prime time TV dedicated to this nonsense, our local affiliate spent 5 minutes covering the exact same story we'd spent an hour watching, then would update us every commercial break to tell us lots of people were voting online whether or not they believed Corey.

98% of people didn't believe him. 98%.

Sure, he's an untrustworthy schmoe, but what, exactly, did Paula Abdul to gain our trust? Was it the dancing cartoon cat that won us over? Was it the failed marriage to Emilio Estevez that had us thinking, "She cannot tell a lie!"

Or was it the hit-and-run car wreck from earlier this year? Or the revelation that Paula's been hopped up on goofballs for the past few seasons of AI thanks to some back injury.

I dunno.

The important thing is that the Spurs won a decisive victory and are on to Round 2 in the play-offs.

This one is for Jim.

Sounds like the League's favorite pundit was asked a colorful question while giving a speech at UT. The question apparently had little to do with Ann Coulter's views and more to do with being wacky/ disruptive.

I am sure that the right's own little hot house flower withered on the vine.

Apparently the student in question also gesticulated inappropriately, and all in the presence of kids under the age of 10.

From The Smoking Gun:
The police affidavit notes that Coulter's lecture was attended by "several children under the age of ten," which probably made them particularly sensitive when Raj queried Coulter about the sexual proclivities of certain right-leaning men.

Which begs the question: Whaaaaaaa....???

I remember being ten. (Don't tell my folks, but I remember being ten better than I remember being twenty thanks to some experimental study techniques). And I'm not sure that listening to someone blather on about politics when I was ten would really have done it for me. Maybe if they'd explained reforming social security while twirling a lightsaber. THAT would have kept my attention.

Further... Ann Coulter? Seriously? And they're concerned about some dude making lewd hand gestures is polluting the little cretins' minds?

Sweet!

I love Zorro.