Not much to report.

We went to see "Talladega Nights" and walked out before the movie had even started. I've gone on at length about Gilbert, AZ movie audiences, so I shall elaborate only in bullet form.

-crying baby, no older than 6 months
-mom of crying baby sitting in center of theater, conveniently placed so she can't escape, constantly bouncing baby with synchronously timed "SHHH, SHHH, SHHH!!!" to weeping infant
-teenagers arrive during trailers, and despite row of empty seats in front of us, sit beside me and begin talking
-teenagers arrive just as movie begins, and despite row of empty seats in front of us, sit beside Jamie and begin full blown conversation

Anyway, we left.

Movies are quiet time. Even silly NASCAR movies. Silencio!

Perhaps that is what I should have done years ago. I should have become the masked crusader of the Gilbert WTC. Dressing in a Zorro-like outfit, I could have walked to the front of the theater at the beginning of each movie, address the audience with my concerns regarding their noise making and text-messaging. Politely informed, it would then be their responsibility to adhere to the rules of basic etiquette. Should the rules be broken, they would then be adequately prepared to face the wrath of Silencio the Vengeful.

I'm not sure what would have embodied the wrath of Silencio, but I'm fairly sure it would involve a handful of roofing nails and a string of profanities.



The fortress is de-fortressed. I am sad. I have no idea what my next house may be like. I do not know if there will be another fortress like it again. Jamie is promising me I will have a fortress once again, but I know how these things go. We're not going to find the right kind of house, or the house we do find will have some sort of lay-out where I can't really pull off the fortress once again with quite the same panache.

It was a beautiful dream.

Jamie is very understanding, and she DOES want for me to have my space. But the problem sort of becomes the insistence on the ghetto-ization of that space. I may once again get a back room, but I want a functional room. I want room to move around and do things in my fortress. The fortress of Arizona was always too small and cramped. It had bad airflow. There was not room to just sit and relax. In fact, the only seating I ever had was the stool I had at my drawing table. Consequently, each time I sat in the fortress to read, it was on the floor, where I'd soon be joined by dogs and cats and the wife. And it all felt a little stupid, us all sitting on the floor....

I want square footage. Space for my drawing table, somewhere to sit to read or watch the tube, and maybe some space for organizing comics. Is that crazy? Is that completely insane? We'll see.

We're headed to Austin for a house hunt this weekend. Keep your ear to the ground.

Saturday Night

Just proving that either old age is setting in, or that the Arizona sun has finally melted my brain... I've come to enjoy baseball.

Originally I watched the sport to humor the in-laws and because I like hot dogs. And I'm lazy and like sitting still for hours on end. Then I sort of got into the whole Americanness and nostalgia factor. Baseball is a common thread from generation to generation, it's been there across three centuries, and is simple proof that people really like to watch people in funny pants while they enjoy a beer and peanuts. Then I kind of started digging the idea of The Cubs. The League loves an underdog, and if you want to find a perennial underdog... hey, why not the Cubbies?

Baseball is also on TV 24 hours a day for six months of the year. So it's accessible. And each team plays like 800 games a season. And it's mind-blurringly slow, so you can turn on a game and sort of wander in and out of the room and do other stuff while the game is on. Initially I couldn't get past the fact that it's not the rapid-fire style of play like basketball where you can see change on a half-second by half-second basis. I've slowly come to appreciate the flow of the game, the challenge of each pitch and the face off between each pitcher and batter. Also, I like the Taco Bell taco race in the 5th inning.

We've been to a few games this season. Tickets are $10 a seat, so how can you go wrong?

Anyway, this evening we saw the Astros beat the tar out of the D-Backs. I can now say I've seen Roger Clemens pitch, and I've seen my first grand slam. Good game. For Astros fans.



Our process for evacuation is slow going. But ongoing.

We've had a lot of people walk through the house. It's sort of depressing as realtors and people walk through the house and you never hear anything afterward other than "your house is too cluttered." Well, we're working on that.

The Fortress of Nerditude is slowly being disassembled. I've packed all my graphic novels and toys away. Most of the pictures have been pulled down. So now it's mostly empty shelf space and a half-assed blue paint job. I have no doubt we'll continue to get those same comments. Apparently humans and realtors alike fear blue walls. I haven't quite yet decided that I need to paint the walls yet. I'm willing to wheel and deal. I'll negotiate. But I also don't want to paint walls if the people plan to paint them a different color later, anyway.

It's all very irritating. Who wants people who you don't even know walking through your house and thinking you're insane? Because you have blue walls.

Anyway, the realtor today called and said "we'll be there between 11 and 12". And then showed up at 2:30 when I was talking to a new potential landscaper in the front yard. After the realtors are an hour late, you sort of give up on them. But, if you want to sell your house, you have to act like a trained monkey every time they want you to hop.

No, I am not enjoying this process. I had always dreamed of just going ahead and buying a house in Austin, moving into it, and THEN putting the house up for sale. You could then actually clean the house and it would stay clean. You wouldn't have to worry about buyers having no sense of spatial relationships as they "can't imagine their furniture in your house." And you're sort of standing there wondering how anybody ever @#$%ing sold a house before when that's what everybody says.

It's a couple of rooms and a toilet. Try to use your imagination.

Must be patient. Must. Be. Patient.

Anyway, I'm going to bed.

Goodnight, Leaguers.

LEAGUER ROUNDTABLE ARGUMENT

Okay, here's a topic of conversation...

Are bloggers reporters or public citizens? or something else entirely new?

Consider the case in Connecticut.

Are Lieberman's people morons? Or are the other guy's handlers a bunch of liars?

Should The League be forbidden from donating money (ethically) to campaigns for my favorite candidates because I have some cheap webspace and an opinion?

Do you believe that there is a secret handshake deal between bloggers and politicians? How is that different from political radio hosts like Al Franken and Rush Limbaugh?

Give me feedback, Leaguers. The Rev. Al Sharpton's 2008 campaign needs my $3.00, but I am afraid to send it if that is somehow unethical.

Quick Items

I know there's like three things up from tonight, but...

1) Here's the first trailer I've seen for the upcoming film "Hollywoodland". The film is about the mysterious death of "Adventures of Superman" actor George Reeves.

here

Thanks to Nathan for the link!


2) Austin-based pal JAL has joined in the Alamo Drafthouse's competition. In the spirit of "Snakes on a Plane", the idea is to make a short film which also joins animals with a mode of trasportation in the title. Dig around for JAL's "Kangaroo on a Segway".

There's uhmmm... some non G-Rated words in this video. But go watch it anyway.

Alamo Drafthouse compettiton page here.

JAMIE'S GREAT LIP GLOSS TASTE TEST!!!

The other night Jamie and I were walking through the Walgreens, and there, upon the rack, were many a flavor of new lipglosses. All of the flavors were crafter from some recognizable artifical flavoring.

Well, The League isn't above sampling some lip gloss, but Jamie got all crazy, the same way she does when she's had a bowl of Sugar Smacks.

The Flavors:

Berry Skittles, Dr. Pepper, Grape Crush, Skittles



the flavors, all lined up

Now you have to forgive me... usually Jamie takes the photos. This time I took the photos and the quality kind of sucks.



Jeff checks out the lip gloss... and starts licking the counter. Nice.

Stupid cat.



Jamie is a bit skeptical of the liquid, brush applied, Skittles-flavored lip gloss.



Jamie takes a sniff...



Hmmm.... the skepticism continues...



application...



Not so good... A little blechy. Maybe wiping artifical Skittles flavoring on your lips isn't the best idea.



Berry, Berry Skittles!



Berry, berry gross...



eeeuugghhhh....



Jamie sad. No more Berry, Berry Skittles.



Grape Crush, eh...?


grapey...



Sold! Like rubbing Grape Crush all over your lips.


Ooooohhhh... Dr. Pepper! The McBride ladies love them some Dr. Pepper. How can some lip gloss stack up?



Mmmmm..?


Dr. Pepper! MUST DRINK!!!! MUST.... DRINK...



No... must apply...



APPLY!!!


APPLY!!! MUST HAVE DR. PEPPER!!!


THE WINNAH!!!!

Jamie loves her some Dr. Pepper! Whooo-HOOO!!!



Somewhere between drinky and glossy, there is Dr. Pepper lip gloss...


There you have it, Leaguers! Jamie's exciting foray into the world of branded, flavored lip gloss. I liked Grape Crush best.

Sorry, team. I had a mind-blowing post planned, but I am very tired. Busy day and I have comics to read.

Jason, Creeper #1 just hit the stands. You might want to seek this one out.

From AICN...

Apparently Tim Burton had planned a Batman musical based on his movie.

Here's a song from the scrubbed project...


And here's an article on the Appalachian State video...

It's rare that The League is embarrassed for an entire university...



***update***

Apparently Joey Fatone (of N'Sync) and I have more in common than I thought.

Jump about 1:25 into this video.



I'm a little jealous.

random comments - July

Pop Culture Hoo-Hah

So, Heath Ledger is the new Joker in the upcoming Batman film, "The Dark Knight".

Okay. I don't find Heath Ledger to be an inspired choice.... but I do think he'll be good. When you have Crispin Glover out there, how can you not cast the man?

Well, congrats to Heath. I hope he makes a big bag of money.

There are rumors afloat about DA Harvey Dent appearing in the movie, and maybe Oswald Cobblepot. Could be a lot of fun. I look forward to seeing if they re-engineer the Batmobile.


So... Mel Gibson. Well done.


There's a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie coming. It's entirely CG. I dunno... how many fights with the Shredder am I willing to pay to see? I guess what's great for Mirage Studios and creepy for me is that TMNT has officially become a generational thing. In theory, The League could have kids now, and I would probably take those kids to see TMNT in the theater, just as Peabo and I once went to see TMNT in the theater. Shut up. You saw it, too. I wonder what my TMNT comics are worth? Probably nothing.


San Diego based Comic-Con International has once again come and gone, and once again, The League was not in attendance. One day I will go. Jamie said even she wants to go, but I am uncertain as to why... and I'll be honest: it would probably good for her to be there so I don't go crazy and buy an entire run of "DC Presents" or "Superman Family" or something.

I think it's kind of neat/sad that people dress up to go to Conventions. I'm always astounded at the photos of folks in fairly expensive recreations of some of their favorite heroes' costumes. Now, I can't imagine myself actually putting in the effort to show up dressed anywhere as, say, Red Tornado. Nor can I imagine getting from the hotel to the convention center without feeling like a total heel, but somehow these folks do it.

I am both curious and horrified by the idea of an open Q&A with comic creators. I know what sort of dweebs populate the shop I hit weekly (me, chief among them), so the endless line of awkward, uncomfortable questioning might be too much for me to bear.


Today, supposedly, marks the 25th anniversary of MTV. That's 25 years of MTV slowly lowering the bar on the music industry while simultaneously increasing every 13-year-olds' sense of entitlement. I do not want, nor watch, any MTV. I am not in their demographic, and really haven't been since I was 20, so I doubt they're losing much sleep over my choice to flip past their programming.

My favorite aspect of MTV is that every two years they promise that either MTV or MTV2 will be getting back to basics and begin showing videos in regular rotation once again. This lasts about two weeks, and then they're back to 12-year old re-runs of Beavis and Butthead when they realize that nobody has the patience to sit and watch a 3 minute video.

I miss the VJ/ video format. The bad hair. The skin-tight pants and the knowledge that THIS video might suck, but they're showing "Thriller" at the half-hour mark. For reasons better left to being dwelt upon by marketing executives, I associate Billy Idol with my early MTV experience. Yes, yes... Michael Jackson, too... but I loved Billy Idol's White Wedding video and the whole slew of videos that came out in that era.


My local theater believes I am 16, and apparently, so does Motorola. My local theater likes to play lots of commercials prior to the previews. Hip, edgy previews with young, sexy people in an urban setting at night just enjoying their ring-tones like all heck. I've not spent any time in NYC, but do young New Yorkers really stand on the street in nice clothes dancing around to their ring tones? Is that really what life in the Big Apple has been reduced to?

Nor do I understand the "ring back tone". Why would I want to listen to 10 seconds of some song while I'm waiting for you? Sometimes just because you can doesn't mean you should.

I am also confused by the commercials for the Scion line of automobiles. The commercials promise an endless bit of customization, but the web-site doesn't actually seem to offer up that anything but the blue and gray Scions you see driving around.

I'm more or less over the advertising at the theaters. It's inevitable and I can't vote with my feet when all of the theaters show ads. But what I do think is that advertisers need to think about two things as they make the transition from TV to theaters:

1) It's one thing when your TV is flickering at you with a cut every 1/3rd second. When the 40 foot light source in front of you is flickering like a strobe, that's a migraine waiting to happen. Some things don't work as well on the big screen.

2) Either make ads your entire range of audience can actually watch or don't bother. I have never seen a more confused audience than the crowd of senior citizens in attendance at "A Prairie Home Companion" when the recent Sprite (or is it 7-Up?) ads ran, with sumos and volkswagens crashing into one another, tiny lemon and lime sprites flitting about and a man with mouths for eyes. All in about 45 seconds.

Yes. Hip. Edgy. And terrifying to the sweet old ladies sitting next to me.


Nor do I feel comfortable seeing ads for "Bod" body spray (which promises no end to the number of the ladies offering you their services, should you use their spray) in the minutes ticking down to the opening of a Harry Potter movie while surrounded by excited little moppets.

At least TV knows who I am and advertises accordingly. Sometimes.

POLL POSITION


You know, you can always click on images to expand them to full size

1 in 3 Loyal Leaguers polled have it in for Star Jones. Understandable as the woman may be of less entertainment value while somehow still managing to fill the airwaves 24/7 than any other human being alive. In fact, we dislike Star more than insurgents, who are only 1/5th the menace of Star Jones.

1 in 5 Leaguers is frustrated with the Astros. What happened to the 'Stros? So mighty last year. This year, a decent team with play-off hopes, but where's the magic? Where's the pizzaz? They need to go back to the orange jerseys. Too much Minute Maid, not enough batting practice.

Ford has bought and commoditized Taylor Hicks before we even had a chance to get sick of what was surely to be an underwhelming, treacly romp through rough-throated pop disappointment. Possibilities? I possibly have already gotten annoyed with the man before he's sold a single record. 2 of you feel the same way.

The one mad scientist in the audience needs to look into some duct tape for his/her cracked foam. Keep reaching for the stars!

Somehow both little dictator Kim Jung Il and perky little TV personality Katie Couric escape unscathed. How does this happen? These people are the two greatest threats to national security. Someone please remind me of when Katie Couric ever worked in news. No. Not a morning show... News. And don't worry Kim Jung Il, lots of guys experience that problem.

And good 'ol Heat Rash makes an appearance. Well done, heat rash! Always a favorite with those experiencing some uncomfortable chafing.

Now, ya'll get to voting in the new poll.

Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and more weekend hi-jinks

Leaguer Michael recently saw POTC2. This was his review in its entirety:

The director had a vision. Roll things in the jungle. Roll them and roll them hard.

The end.

Michael's review is concise and accurate.

When I go to Chipotle, I like to get me a nice burrito. I know even their enormous tortillas can only hold so much volume and mass, but I like to see if I can push it. In my burritos I like chicken and black beans, some cheese and some pico and some rice. Rice is good. But I do not want a burrito completely overflowing with rice just so I can have a properly overstuffed tortilla.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

POTC2 was a lot of rice. Sure, tasty, zippy rice with barnacles, but I kept biting into it wondering why there wasn't enough chicken. And then there was this salsa I wasn't expecting, and it sort of came out of nowhere and seemed kind of pointless.

Now, my burrito analogy only holds up so far, because as you may know if you dine at Chipotle, the burrito is all you really need. So maybe I should have compared the movie to a two-taco lunch. Only that's not really accurate, because the other taco doesn't come out a year from now, and I'm not irritated that my movie/taco will be delayed.

anyway, I guess I give the movie a solid 6.3333 out of 10.

We waited and waited all morning for some realtor to show up. She did not. I have no idea what happened. She had also called us at 9:00 last night to let us know she was coming, so I sort of thought it was an emergency... like these people REALLY wanted to see the house.

The people who were supposed to come between 3:00 and 4:00 came squarely at 3:15. Goody for them. We put the dogs in the car and took them to Petsmart. Lucy picked out a stuffed ring-necked pheasant (state bird of S. Dakota).

I also watched the iTunes-available ($1.99) pilot for Aquaman, done by the same guys who are doing Smallville. They had planned to run it in the fall, call it something like "Mercy Reef" and... I dunno.

I want to know who at the WB decided their trademark would be to put out shows with beautiful people who aren't terribly talented. It just seemed like a missing episode of "Smallville", which, despite my love of all things Super, I gave up on last season. I just had such a "been there, done that" feeling while watching the show. I said to Jamie that I thought that was why the new UPN/WB network had passed on the show, and Jamie, who is wise, said "Are you kidding me? Since when has WB been afraid for everything on their network to look exactly the same? And isn't Smallville their biggest show?"

So, yeah, I have no idea why they didn't pick up Aquaman (or Aqualad, I guess, as he's not yet Aquaman). I just know I was not going to ever watch that show.

I am off to see if I can amuse Melbotis. He is sulky and sleepy.

Once upon a time I was a huge fan of both Space Ghost Coast to Coast and Cartoon Planet.

One could learn a lot from these programs, but one of the most important lessons I ever learned was about that thing that makes the world go 'round. No, not centripetal force. Love.


Brak!

Brak is sort of a space-pirate lion headed thing in a mask. Anyway, he was a regular member of the cast of Cartoon Planet. And his mysterious words were often filled with wisdom.

Brak's Definition of Love

You know, love is a happy time all throughout the universe.
It's when the male part of the species goes to the female part of the species and says: "Hey, do you want to go on a date?" And then she would say: "Why yes, I'd like to go on a date!" -if you're LUCKY!-
And then you go to a restaurant, and she gets something called "a salad." And then he gets a big piece of beef, that he eats.
And that to me ladies and gentlemen, is LOVE.
Kinda makes you cry, doesn't it?


I first heard this definition the year Jamie and I started dating. All I'm saying is: six years of marriage and no police reports yet! Pretty good, Eh? Eh?

I shared this definition with my parents lot too long ago, and they seemed to agree that it sounded pretty accurate, and those guys have been married, like, forever. So take that as you will, but I sort of think Brak speaks a bit of truth.

So for all you single folks out there fretting over how complicated this romance business can be, just try to keep Brak's words of wisdom and encouragement in mind.

SATURDAY NIGHT'S ALL RIGHT FOR BLOGGING

Well, Leaguers, we had ourselves a less than stellar Friday night and Saturday. As some of you may recall Jamie was having some trouble with migraines. Well, she's been on a pretty good preventative. Some might say... too good. She and her neurologist agreed that the preventative had been working (more or less) for so long, they couldn't be sure if the preventative was actually helping or if she wasn't having trouble anymore. So, they decided she should cut back on her preventative to see what was going on.

Long story short, we spent last night at the lovely new hospital about three miles from the house in their all-new emergency room. And, man, it was actually a pretty nice set-up. If you could ignore their "Nurse Call" alarm that sounded more than a little bit like a Disney Princess toy. Over. And over. And over.

Quote of the evening? By a young woman (who was wearing nothing but a bra for some reason) to her nurse: "The doctor said I had an er- er- ruptured ovarian cyst. I didn't even know I HAD an ovarian cyst!"

This somehow beats:
"Were you punched in the throat?"
"I dunno. I think I got hit like a thousand times! Huh huh huh huh huh!"
I have no idea what happened, but I saw the guy, and SOMEBODY beat the tar out of him. He was still managing to keep it sunny side up despite the black eye and whatnot. Good for him.

I've always been confused as to why more hospitals aren't networked or don't maintain a database of patient info at their fingertips. We may have gotten into the ER at 7:30, but Jamie was admitted much later. Well, Leaguers, there's nothing like trying to help a nurse input literally pages of fields when a nurse is a "hunt and peck" typist. Not to mention when the programmers insisted on a hard-coded list of options rather than allowing for blank fields in some key locations. Especially at 2:00 AM. Especially when the nurse is insisting she can't do anything until all the data is loaded. And then the lab tech accidentally fires a vial of Jamie's blood into the air and suddenly there's little drops of Jamie everywhere, inclduing the tech's otherwise sparkling white outfit.

Good times.

Most hospital cafeterias sell some incredibly unhealthy options for both their staff and for patient's families. Cheeseburgers, chicken fingers, etc... Not so at this place. Probably because the budget for this brand-spankin' new (albeit completely empty) cafeteria is much higher than is required to feed the handful of patients and staff actually in the hospital, it appears the cafeteria staff are going all Colonel Kurtz and fancy themselves gourmets. I had a lovely lunch of salmon with a mushroom-butter spread, whipped potatos with a hint of bacon, and fresh steamed asparagus. This meal would have run me $17 at minimum most places. At the hospital it ran me $7.00, with a large drink.

Anyhow, Jamie is doing fine (aside from some oddly high levels of potassium) and she's home again after being admitted over night and through most of the day. At least this hospital provides a half-way decent bed option for folks who want to spend the night. Just no pillows or blankets. Those you must steal from the elderly patients who cannot defend themselves.


In non-hospital related news, the house showed twice today. Which meant I also managed to get locked out. It's a long story, but it involves me, my house key being inside the house and an overzealous realtor. I was waiting to hear back from our realtor, Pat, whom I was hoping would be able to let me in with the key from our lockbox and in order to kill some time I went and wandered around some stores.

I found a little kid's Batman digital camera on sale for $19. It can fit neatly in your pocket, has built in memory, is compatible with decent memory cards, can shoot video and came with photo editing software and video recording software. $19. Some kid in a sweatshop in Thailand just made me a real bargain.


Lucy would like to steal your soul now, please!

I just want to say that I love this country so, so much...

Okay, not only did I end up liking "Who Wants to be a Superhero?", but I'm now watching "Garth Marenghi's Darkplace", and it may be the best show... ever. I'm also kind of pleased to see Mike Mignola's "Amazing Screw On Head" got his own show. Sure, it was just a single comic back around 2000, but I loved the concept back then.

I was pleased to see the very Stan Lee-like challenge put to the heroes on WWTBS?, and I was completely unsurprised to see the comic geek who "knew everything about every comic" got bounced. And I tell you this... my new favorite superheroes? Major Victory and Fat Momma (the two I was sure I would like least). By God, if I ever end up finally flipping my lid and donning tights, I think you'd just see a chubbier version of Major Victory running around. Now THAT'S superheroism, Leaguers.

I apologize for doubting the wisdom of Stan "The Man" Lee.

The show is now alomost over, and I just can't recommend "Garth Marenghi's Darkplace" enough.

Okay, okay... I think I like this "Who Wants to be a Superhero?" show. It's cheesy and kind of bad, but it's okay.

Excelsior!

Who Wants to be a Superhero, Etc...


So Peabo had some heated words for me in the comments section. I put together an astounding reply to which anyone would have to be impressed. Unfortunately, WordPad decided to freak out when I went to save it as a back-up (ha ha, die Windows, die!). So long to an hour of my life.

Suffice it to say, I am brilliantly aware of international politics. So just imagine yourselves stunned at my insightful and irrefutable retort. Peabo (and you all) will just have to live in a whirlpool of mystery, wondering what it was I might have said to show him the error of his ways.

People keep sending me links about Stan Lee's "Who Wants to be a Superhero?"

I have an answer to that question: L.A.-entrenched failed actors looking for exposure.

Stan has been trying to sell this idea since "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" was in it's prime (ie: when Nathan freaked out North America by introducing The Reeg to his monkey, Coco). Thus, the name of Stan's show.

I thought it was a bad idea for a show back then, and I am still not entirely sold on the concept now.

Loyal Leaguers you may all be, but let's face facts: aside from Spider-Man and Batman, you think superheroes are pretty stupid, right?

I mean, if you were at a party and someone asked you to come up with a superhero idea, you'd probably tie a towel around your neck, grab a plunger and a shower cap, and declare yourself "Roto-Rooter Man/ Lady" (no discrimination here), and you'd get a big laugh. I'd laugh, too. That's good stuff.

That's pretty much what the show looks like it's lining up to be. Whether Stan was ever serious about trying to find a property to develop through his Pow! Entertainment company (ie: not Marvel), or whether he was just looking at the dollar signs tied to reality game shows is sort of irrelevant. The producers don't care WHAT Stan does with the winner.

Like American Idol, the opening tone will no doubt be ridiculous as chubby comic-loving dorks squeeze into homemade outfits and go before a panel of "judges" to pitch their concept. There will be a snarky voice-over encouraging us to make fun of the fat guy in the shorts, or the moderately unhinged guy in his Punisher-like commando get-up. A few people will be genuine or funny enough to move on to the actual final round.

The other night I found myself completely unable to watch TLC's new show "The Messengers" (which came on after two hours of shows about somethign called primordial dwarfism. Apparently, gelflings live among us). "The Messengers" is a reality/ game show which features wanna-be motivation speakers going through a harrowing experience, such as being homeless for a few hours, and then shouting at a crowd about how it sucks to be homeless. For a few hours.

I brought this up with Jamie about what an odd concept the show was, and she didn't even blink. "What do you want me to say?" she finally sighed after repeatedly being cued to be impressed, "They'll put anything on TV in gameshow format."

Judging from the list of contestants on the website, "Who Wants to be a Superhero" has gone for the quick-cash-in "wacky" factor. This seems rather obvious.

I would have thought long-term. Go for the hard-core geek audience and create what could be a nichey show about how comic properties are developed and how one can create a character as enduring as Spider-Man. I mean, Jesus. This is Stan "I developed X-Men, The Hulk, Spidey, the Fantastic Four and countless others" Lee we're talking about. If anyone could give a few pointers and career tips as he enjoys his semi-retirement, it's this guy.

This is not to say "WWTBS?" won't be fun and funny. If it works. But you know what's not funny two hours into the party? Roto-Rooter Man.

In comics, very few comedy comics stick, especially funny superhero comics. Even "The Tick" is mostly reprints these days. The original Red Tornado, Forbush Man, 'Mazing Man and Ambush Bug all had a few moments in the sun, but I think you'd be hard pressed to find a hard-core fan base or margin of profitability for any of the characters.

So, once again we're back to 1960-whatever, and Batman is hilarious. For three seasons. Frikkin' "Yes, Dear" has already surpassed that by 3 years.

Yes, I do like the campy side of superheroes. I'm all about movies like "Mystery Men", etc... but even those movies had a story (and "Casanova Frankenstein" is the best villain name ever. Seriously. I will be 90 years old and will still be jealous that I couldn't come up with that name).

I will watch the pilot so I have a common point of reference, but I'll be honest, it's a muted enthusiasm. I see 11 Roto-Rooter Men/ Ladies.

CAPTAIN OF THE THUNDER AND LIGHTNING

Wow, Leaguers... We had some serious weather last night here in the PHX. BOOM! POW! WHOOOOSH!!!!

We don't get too many days of rain and thunderstorms, but we do get these storms they call "monsoons". Now PHX is a little different from, oh, say, Myanmar. We don't get real monsoons, but we do get these wet fronts that come in from the ocean south of us, and... man... they can be sort of exciting. In the daytime they usually come with a wall of dust several stories high, just sweeping across the desert.

Last night we got the longest, most sustained lightning storm I'd ever seen in Arizona. It was the sort of fun you get in Dallas or occasionally in Austin, but without the fear of a twister coming and tossing you right out of your La-Z-Boy.


SHAZAM!

We do not have children, but we do have pets. And last night, for the first time in a long time, I let Mel sleep in bed with us. He was a little off from the storm, and he's so very happy when we let him sleep on the bed. Unfortunately, Mel is the size of a people. So when I came to bed last night, and Mel was sprawled across the foot of the bed, it was kind of a tough negotiation.

Jeff the Cat does not like rain. Or thunder. or lightning. So he curls up into a tiny ball, finds a spot where the sounds are quietest and just sits, slowly freaking out. He was hiding int he guest bath when I finally retired.

Lucy-Girl had to pee, and as she's seen rain maybe four or five times in her life, she wasn't feeling too confident when I kicked her outside. I felt pretty bad for her, so I went outside to lend her moral support, and man... the wind was kicking our trees around, rain was coming down by the bucket-load and it was like a Frankenstein movie with all the thunder and lightning. Lucy, of course, gav eup on being scared and decided 9:30 in a lightning storm is the perfect time to play fetch, especially with four inches of standing water in the yard.

The good news is she did pee. The bad news is I had to put her to bed still damp and disgruntled that I called the game of fetch short.

Growing up in Houston and Austin and weathering hurricanes and tornadoes, I do remember being scared of thunder and lightning. If Jason was around, like in one of the years we shared a bedroom or if it was during the day, it always helped. Trees might be snapping, the power might be out, but he'd look at me and say "Hey, pretend we're on a ship and we need to secure the ship." And we'd be sailors on a ship, battening hatches and pulling down sails, fearless against the elements. Or, "We're hiding in a cave from the dragon outside," and we were adventurers holed up in secret, snickering to ourselves about the loot we'd stolen from the dragon who was, even now, causing all that calamity just beyond the cave entrance.

And when that didn't work, he'd count it out for me. "Hear that...? That lightning flash and thunder? There was eight seconds between the flash and thunder. That was eight miles away..." Eight miles might as well have been in Paraguay... that was a safe distance.


I don't get as bent out of shape about the weather anymore. But I still think about riding on a wind-tossed ship in the sea, or in the cave hiding from the dragon... and occasionally in my DCU-addled brain I watch the lightning streak across the sky and I think of Captain Marvel going toe-to-toe with some monster hiding among the clouds. With one magic word and a bolt of mystic lightning, Billy Batson transforms from an ordinary boy to the World's Mightiest Mortal, a being of myths and stories. The kind of stories of adventure and adversity Jason used to make up on the spot when the monsters were reaching down out of the clouds.

And that's why these days I look forward to the thunder and lightning.

SHAZAM!!!!

I don't want to be a Negative Ned, but does anyone else sort of feel like we're finally getting that third world war in the hopper?

As if our adventuring overseas wasn't enough to ruin your afternoon, and if the excitement in Lebanon wasn't enough to get you to stall for a minute on the news... well... this can't be good