Sometime around 1981-82, mi madre took mi hermano y yo to Greenspoint Mall for some early Holiday shopping. During our visits to the mall, we'd always stop by the record bin at Sears to see what they had in stock so we could keep up with the latest hits from The Chipmunks and Buckner & Garcia (who would later play a tremendous influence on all of my brother's musical stylings).
But one year... yes, one year, sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas we went digging through the bins with our grubby little paws, hoping to spy the latest from The Chipmunks when we stumbled upon a Holiday release which would forever change the very nature of the Christmas Season at Casa de Steans.
Christmas in the Stars
The album sported the voice (or a close approximation) of Anthony Daniels as C3PO. It sort of told a story, had some bizarre yet well rendered cover art, and had a funky beat you could dance to.
The premise of the album was as follows:
Santa doesn't just serve the earth on Christmas. F**k, no. He serves the entire GALAXY. And in order to make enough toys for boys and girls across the galaxy, he employs not cheap elf labor, but DROIDS. Lots and lots of DROIDS. Apparently, according to this album, the droids all toil away in Santa's workshop slapping together slot car kits and pondering Santa's existence, the nature of the universe and the meaning of Christmas.
Which, you know, is about the bestest thing ever when you're 7 or 8 years old.
totally rad cover art enhances this Holiday Musical Fare
An interesting side note regarding the album: it stars the vocal talents of a very young John Bongiovi. That's Jon Bon Jovi to you folks who can't rock East Coast Style. I'm not sure who he is on the record, but if he is who I think he is, Jon, you have a lot to answer for. Actually, Bon Jovi has a lot to answer for no matter what.
Anyway, the album found itself on repeat at Casa de Steans every Christmas until I was in 4th or 5th grade, when older brother Jason became an incredibly grumpy middle-schooler who decided Christmas was dumb. After that Christmas in the Stars fell out of rotation and out of favor during the Yule Season.
Some time in the late 90's, Rhino records uncovered this Holiday gem, cleaned it up a bit and rereleased it onto an unsuspecting world. Perhaps Uncle George allowed this to happen in order to derail us all from rediscovering the Star Wars Holiday Special. Who knows? I'm just proud to own my copy.
The album features many great tunes, and a kind of bitter sweet story which might be read as a bizarre theological analog (despite the droids' professed belief in Santa, his Santa's SON comes to see the droids and reaffirm their belief...).
The songs are sort of goofy, including "R2-D2 We Wish You a Merry Christmas" and "Odds Against Christmas Being Christmas" (where C3PO just SHINES!!!).
My favorite, of course, is: What Can you Get a Wookiee for Christmas?
What can you get a Wookiee for Christmas
When he already owns a comb
What can you get in a hurry for a furry kind of friend like that
To take home
Oh, he doesn't need a tie clip
And he doesn't use shaving foam
So what can you get a Wookiee for Christmas
When he already owns a comb
(Spoken:) It's really a problem
What can you get a Wookiee for Christmas
when he already owns a comb
What can you get in a hurry for a furry kind of friend like that
To take home
No, He'll never wear galoshes
Or a hat upon his furry dome
So what can you get a Wookiee for Christmas
When he already owns a comb
Let's give him love and understanding
Good will to men
We wrap it all up in bright colored ribbon
And we give it to him all over again
And that's what you get a Wookiee for Christmas
When he already owns a comb.
That's what you get in a hurry for a furry kind of friend like that
To take home
'Cause he doesn't need a tie clip
And he doesn't need shaving foam
So that's what you get a Wookiee for Christmas
When he already has a comb
When he already owns a comb!
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