there's nothing like contradictory real-life experience to shake your faith in television.

Granted, most of my life is now vicariously lived through television (who lives in a pineapple under the sea...? Why, I think it might be me...), but every once in a while I have an honest-to-God real life experience.

So last night I was watching Mythbusters on Discovery (part of the line-up of shows which have come to overwhelm my prime-time viewing habits). Mythbusters essentially takes urban legends and puts them to the test to see if they could happen. Two special effects professionals try to recreate the scenario as closely as possible, and then try to see if the scenario could have ever really happened. THey are usually assisted by this kind of spacey folklore expert they dug up form the local university.

Anyway, they'll take a story like "Peeing on the 3rd rail will kill you," and then test the hypothesis.

Last night they tested whether or not a soda can may blow up if left in a hot car, and, bizarrely, they concluded this was a myth, and could not happen.

Bullshit.

In 1994 my pal RIchard and I borrowed his grandmother's enormous Town Car for a trip down to Astroworld. In order to get into Astroworld more cheaply, we wanted to hand in empty Coke cans with coupons printed on the back. So, en route, I drank a ton of soda. But not ALL of the soda.

Four days later, we'd forgotten to take the soda out of the car, and in the heat of a Houston summer... BLAMMO!!! Richard's grandma's car was coated in Coke which dried to a fine sheen on her leather interior.

In 1998, I was PA for the last Don't Mess with Texas commercial. We shot on several different locations around Austin, and part of my job was carting Cokes around town for the crew to enjoy during breaks.

It was unusually hot that June (I remember wilting, standing in an alfalfa field while some actor couldn't finish the line "It's just a little cigarette butt..!" THe shot was NEVER USED.). The last day of the shoot, I got into my car and discovered a few cokes had exploded inside my car, coating the interior with sugar and carmel coloring. While my car smelled terrific, it took a while to clean it. And then I stuck a Coke covered tape into my tape-deck, effectively ruining the deck.

The flaw in the Mythbusters experiment was that they put a Coke into a toaster over, and believed the oven had to reach 300 degrees before the Coke would explode. I don't think they gave the soda in the can enough time to heat up, so it's not as if the soda in the can ALSO reached 300 degrees before it blew. There was simply no measure of the liquid's temperature inside of the can. I'm also no scientist, but I do know how a solar convection oven works. I mean, you can literally roast a turkey in an aluminum and glass box if you leave it in the sun long enough, so tell me again why can't you properly heat a Coke in yoru car?

Anyway, the rapid heat change of the oven was also not indicative of the actual conditions of the car, nor the curve of how long it would take to heat liquid versus air. Come on. I wasn't even in honors level science classes for chemistry or physics, and I know this.

Apparently the Mythbusters guys, based in San Francisco, do not think it gets hotter than 85 degrees on a summer day (equating to 100 degrees in a car). To that, my friends, I say "HA!" As any of us from the rest of the country know, if it's 110 degrees outside (as it already is here in Sunny Phoenix), it's more like 160 degrees in your car. Hot enough to make you expire in pretty short order, anyway. Hot enough that you should know better than to leave any compressed gasses, aerosols, etc... in your car if it's going to sit in the sun.

Anyway, my faith in the Mythbusters' experiments is now forever shaken. I shall forever be left wondering whether or not the conditions of any and all of their experiments are not properly controlled.

Texas Story

A man walked into the produce section of his local
supermarket and asked to buy a half head of lettuce. The
boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager,
"Some asshole wants to buy a half head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way
Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with
the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We
like people who think on their feet here. Where are you
from, son?"

"Texas, sir." the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Texas?" the manager asked. The boy said "Sir, there's nothing but whores and football players down there."

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Texas.

"No kidding ?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

You never saw that bespectacled bore, Reno, bringing the house down like this...

You know, kind of puts Dean's "YEEEAAAAAAGGHHHH!!!!" into perspective.

Really, this could give me enough ammo to last until next Thursday. Instead, I open the forum.

But I can't close without this... And I mean it, with all sincerity...

Let the Mighty Eagle of your talent soar, Mr. Ashcroft. Let it soar.

thanks to Denby for the link...

2 good bits of news courtesy of the Superman Homepage.

1) Looks like Cartoon Network has confirmed production on a "Krypto the Superdog" TV show. The show doesn't follow the comics too well, but who cares..? KRYPTO IS GETTING HIS OWN SHOW!!!!

Krypto is essentially the Kryptonian equivalent of Laika the Cosmonaut Dog. In the 1950's Superman Comics, Superman's Dad supposedly sent Krypto in a test rocket to earth, but the rocket was knocked off course by a rock or something. Anyway, Krypto DID eventually make it to Earth, and became one of the five or six most powerful beings on earth.

Krypto wasn't around in the comics for years and years, but he returned around 2001 with a squeaky clean new origin story, devoid of animal experimentation. Hurray for Krypto getting a show, no matter how short-lived or silly.

(***note: I haven't seen ANY concept art for this show. Hopefully we'll see some soon. The pic on the Superman page is old Krypto art from the 50's.***)

2) JAKKS Pacific is going to produce several TV games based on DC Comics properties. I have two of the Jakks games now (who needs a PS2?). Essentially, the Jakks TV games consist of a joystick with all the games built into the handle. You just plug into the RCA plugs on your TV, switch to the right input on your TV, and you're in business (provided you have 4 AA batteries).

There are going to be Superman, Batman, and Justice League games. Should be fun (and wayyy cheaper than buying a PS2, memory card and a game).

One would hope the Attorney General wouldn't have to reassure us of things like this...

The WB's Superstar USA.

Upon watching this show once again, I can only say it is absolutely dastardly and cruel, and yet I cannot look away. It debases and humiliates. It embodies all which is loathsome about both television and our culture of quick fame and entitlement.

I am ashamed to watch, but it never enters my mind to change the channel.

Vitamin C: You are like the horrible mean girls from high school who I thought were awesome but would never date me.

Tone Loc: While your star has fallen, you still bring in an incredible amount to the table for one who is so clearly stoned.

Other guy: I have no idea who you are, but if there is any justice, you will be a millionaire who burns out in a mountain of strippers and blow, never knowing what horrors you gleefully wreaked upon a public you always despised.

Thank you, WB. Like that dude in Krull retrieving the glaive from the lava... you have reached into the blazing pits of hell and pulled out something totally scary and awesome. You have handily bested The Surreal Life, Bachelorettes in Alaska and Who Wants to be a Playmate?

Yes, WB's Superstar USA, I salute you. Your abject misanthropy is an inspiration to us all.

There, but for the grace of God...

Thanks to Randy for this link

Story of man driving armored bulldozer around town

Okay. Squawkbox has been successfully implemented.

A few ground rules:

1) Keep it clean. Let's keep some of the choicer profanity off the comments box. Unless it's really funny. Then you may drop whichever bomb you like.
2) I take no responsibility for anything anybody else says.
3) Make sure to identify yourself.
4) All responses in the form of haiku will receive generous praise.
5) Jamie may use this forum. Please ignore all which she says. She's on a lot of medication, but she still has occasional "episodes". Just ignore whatever she says.
6) Freedom of speech goes both ways. If you post something with a little political vitriol, be prepared for someone else to step up to slap you back. I provide the Squawkbox, but I do not monitor, edit or censor the opinions and blatherings of anyone. Freedom of speech and all that.
7) Lefties and Righties... everybody play nice. "Because you're an imbecile" is not a good debating point. Try to write in that nice 5-paragraph persuasive paper style they taught you in high school. At least make sure you have a point and evidence to back yourself up.
8) Type-o's are fine.
9) "Hoo-AHHHH!" is a legitimate response.
10) Everybody try to have fun. The League is a journal, sure... but it's also intended to be fun most of the time. I haven't posted a squawkbox up to this point as I have been deathly afraid of this site ever turning into some sort of place where people get all crabby with each other.
11) letters are STILL my preferred mode of communication for lengthy discussion, but that may change if you Loyal Leaguers use the comments section well.

Squawkbox, ahoy...

As per a few requests, I have attempted to add comments to The League.

You will see some noise as I do some testing.

Today marked the 60th anniversary of my Grandfather's participation in the Allied invasion of occupied Normandy. My grandfather (Marvin J. Ross) was part of the 82nd Airborne, and was a paratrooper, jumping into France on that infamous day.

It appears that a grandson from my Grandfather's first marriage, Sgt 1st.Class William Marcus Tucker of the 101st Airborne, participated in the reenactment today.

A big thank you to them both for their courage and dedication.

We were supposed to be going to Austin this weekend, but it didn't pan out. Lots of things came up, and Jamie's been not feeling great on and off for a few weeks, so it just wasn't a good time to go. We had some other family business which I am still wrestling with, and I still haven't resolved it all.

The biggest problem with big issues is that, very often, you don't see them coming. Or you ignore the warning signs until it's too late. I'm desperately guilty of ignoring the warning signs in both my professional and personal life, and so things tend to smack upside the head a lot harder than they should.

Which is why I need a pair of minute Japanese fairies.

The Godzilla films from Toho feature a pair of parakeet sized magical girls referred to, as best I can tell or remember, as "The Cosmos". It helps to understand that Godzilla is not, in the Japanese films, a stupid animal. Godzilla is sort of a living angry god who only stomps Japan when it's time for the arrogant humans to learn an important lesson about, say, recycling. Godzilla's not exactly benign, but he wouldn't show up if the humans didn't keep screwing up. After all, Godzilla also protects Japan from a series of invaders (like FRANKENSTEIN! and SPACEGODZILLA!). Of course, some monsters are even MORE nice than Godzilla, such as Mothra.



Anyway, the Cosmos show up just before things go sour, to forewarn of Godzilla's impending rampage. These cute little elves can also sing to soothe Godzilla and keep him from using his atomic breath to level the Starbucks.

And given their usefulness (and the likelihood I would listen to the tiny little munchkins more closely than an evil corporate tycoon), I conclude that I need the Cosmos to help me avert personal and professional disaster. Anyone spotting two minute Japanese women dressing alike and showing a penchant for singing, please forward them to The League. (Molly, your help here is greatly appreciated).

For some reason if you Google for "Melbotis" today, this site comes up...

What, exactly, are they insinuating that The League needs?

I suspect the linkage is due to my earlier posts about the host of an Alzare infomercial.

Yesterday my brother e-mailed me to snap me back from my reverie and remind me that, even now, Austin is hitting the high-90's and 80% humidity. Even this did not dissuade me from my illusions. After all, it is supposed to be 111 degrees here in Chandler by Friday. When we cross the 110 threshold for two days in a row, I am often heard to declare loudly that I wish I were dead.

Before I ever blog in the morning, I try to make it a practice to see what my little blogging loop of Dedman, Randy and Molly are up to. I was surprised my posting pinged off anyone at all, let alone would it cause others to blog in response.

Dedman blogged on it here (drawing Garrison Keillor comparisons that I can only take as a compliment, I guess). And also twice here, where he brings up a hilarious quote concerning nostalgia, and points over to where Molly shares my sentiment regarding Austin summers.

1) I'm not sure about the actual chronology of O'Henry's stay in Austin vis a vis the introduction of the Moon Towers, but at one point Austin was illuminated by a series of "Moon Towers", meant to keep the streets lit in an era after the gas lamp. These towers (seen most famously in Dazed and Confused) gave off a blue/ purple glow. Which might account for the Violet Crown. Or he might have just been drunk. At any rate, several of the towers remain standing and unused. You can still spot them around town.

2) I did not just spend 4 years of college in Austin. I moved to Austin when I was in 4th grade, and moved the summer after 9th. I returned in 1993 for college, spent 5 glorious years getting kicked around UT. I then lived and worked there until May 31st, 2002. In the end, it was somewhere in the neighborhood of 14-15 years I lived in Austin, which is far longer than I've lived anywhere else. I graduated, got educated and got my first real job in Austin. I even got married down on Live Oak (just South of Mary). My brother and many of my friends still live and work there. So, kids, to me, Austin is homebase.

Was it a time of limited responsibility and all that while I was waiting for life to begin? Tough to say. I never really had any plans for moving on past that stage. After all, it was pretty pleasant.

3) How can you not miss those disgusting rats of the sky, the grackles? They're unbearably loud, they poo everywhere and, for some reason, they're considered endangered. Which means UT employs someone to go around with a shotgun filled with blanks so they can scare off the birds in the evening hours (which, as we all know from the condition of the pavement around UT, must have made the groundskeeper responsible feel a bit like Sisyphus). Grackels are as omnipresent as musicians and sound engineers in Austin, and baffle the mind with their shameless aggressiveness... I had a grackle try to share my fries once at Mad Dogs and Beans.

But here's the deal: As I no longer live in Austin and have moved to the desert, I have noticed that NOTHING GOOD LIVES IN THE DESERT. All of those squirrels and birds you see everyday when you look out your window? I've got none of that. Occasionally birds perch on the fence or in a tree, but you're never going to see an opossum hanging from your tree here. You're never going to see a squirrel jumping from your fence to your garage. You will see a lizard or spider occasionally skitter by, but that's about it. Disney didn't fib in their old nature films when they discussed how the desert is abundant with life, you just need to look for it... but a lot of the life is poisonous or creepy. So I try not to turn over rocks out here unless I have to.

I'll be curious to follow the talkback threads over on www.jdedman.com and on Osakatomebaby. The former Austinites are coming out of the woodwork.

It's hard to get wistful about the greater Chandler area, but I know one day, that may change.

But summer is newly arrived like a ferocious housecat. You want to love it, but, let's face it... it's kind of mean. And it smells bad.

Austin summers are great. There's so much to do that it can actually be paralyzing. The Paramount has the classic movies showing with the shorts beforehand. The snow-cone stand is open on South Lamar. Barton Springs is open and taunting you (sure I'm refreshing, but you KNOW you can't stay in for more than 30 minutes, sissy...). People are out Bar-B-Qing, the 4th of July offers fireworks and live music. Baby A's is never that far away for a drink. Or really any place on Barton Springs.

Hot as hell, but it's a good place to be for a few months.

Of course, we used to have a squirrel infested back yard where I could toss some tennis balls for Mel while I was grilling out. The back stoop was ideal for sitting and watching grackels while enjoying a beer or two. And we had the front porch where you could sit and watch the neighbors go by while Mel threatened them from behind the chainlink fence. We had a horseshoe set we put in the front yard, and we'd chuck them around a bit, occasionally playing with the neighbor kids until they decided to become thugs when they hit middle-school.

Occasionally, I even mowed the yard. Good neighbor Ry, Jason would call me, as I was out there whacking away at weeds. Don't ge tme started on the sticky grass and burrs in the yard.

We had good neighbors. Todd the mysterious Catholic guy on our right. And the ever-changing cast on our left. The ever changing cast (starring Henry and Carol) invited us over for Bar B Q and their son's 13th birthday party. I mean, how cool is that? And we had flamingos in the yard, and the pinwheel sunflowers and the weird silver ball Jamie always hated. Our landlord was this great lady who LOVED Jamie. She even dropped our rent when Jamie asked nicely.

Sure, we had no hot water, and the AC barely pumped out from the window units, and the house occasionally threatened to burst into flames, but it was a fun place to live when we didn't fear for our lives.

And it got SO HOT in the summertime that we would just lie on the bed in front of the AC unit, wishing it were winter.

But, man, I loved that house.

In the summertime, folks would swing by, and you'd sit in the house for a while, but there was ALWAYS something else to go do, you know? We didn't go to swimming holes too much anymore by the time I left (that one sunburn in '98 really turned me off of swimming too much), but it was a possibility. And we could always walk to David's Food Store and get some soda and gum.

Summertime, man. Hurray for summer.

The weekend passed without incident, for the most part.

I saw Shrek 2. The movie definitely was a crowd pleaser and had parts I liked, but it still isn't in my "Holy cow, I NEED THIS ON DVD" list. I will say, I was a tremendous fan of Puss in Boots. Especially during the "Knights" sequence. Jamie even picked up on a Garfield reference which went right over my head (which is weird, because she kind of hates Garfield).

But even better, I saw the Justice League Series Finale. Now THAT'S what Justice League is all about, Leaguers. Hoo-AHHH!!!!

And don't read too much into it, but it also cemented my preference for John Stewart GL as my favorite part of that show. No no no... he has not supplanted Superman as best of the best... They've just given John Stewart a lot of room to grom on Justice League, space that I don't think he gets enough in the comics.

At the end of the show, CN showed a preview for this Fall's new series, Justice League Unlimited. Supergirl. Green Arrow. Captain Atom. The Question. Holy Hannah! I hope that the actual Atom (Ray Palmer) was just too small to see in the pan-shot they did. He's a favorite second-stringer here at League HQ.

Am busily re-arranging the comic-book room/ office. I'm trying to maximize space in there, and I think I figured out a fairly decent solution for the time being. The moving of furniture also means I can plan to build shelving, which allows me to use power tools. And that's always a high light. I really want to do something different with this shelf, so we'll see how it goes.

Hope everyone had a good Memorial Day, and I hope every got to see the footage of the new WWII Memorial in DC. It looks amazing, and I hope to make it up there to see it soon. I also have an aunt and uncle in DC whom I haven't seen in two years, so I'm probably due, anyway.

Hope all is well with you Loyal Leaguers.

Apparently my ex-roommate, Kevin Bankston (pictured here looking quite chipper), is now the kind of person who CNN goes to for quotes.

Apparently Kevin has been on CNN before (a rumor I can neither confirm nor deny) as a pundit for his position as some sort of Electronic Rights advocacy. I am unsure of whether or not he's actually representing this guy who is on trial, but this article actually asks Kevin for his opinion on huge matters of import.

Which is funny, because I lived with the guy for a year, and the biggest question I could dream up for him was "So do you want to go to Jack-In-the-Box or not?" Sure, we batted around issues of personal liberty, justice, our collective freedoms as Americans, but who knew?

Hurray for Kevin! He is not only a really good guy (and one of the most irritatingly intelligent people I ever met), but he is also a bit of an encyclopedia of pop-culture from Robert Anton Wilson to Galactus.

Kevin's one fatal flaw? He thinks Superman is a bozo.

Kudos goes out to San Antonio DJ and Loyal Leaguer, Nathan Cone.

nathan's radio station recently obtained a copy of an album which had somehow escaped by telescopic gaze.

It's The Metropolis Symphony, a collection of tunes based upon your friend and mine, Superman (the Ace of Action!)!

I will, no doubt, be suckered into adding this to my collection.

"One thing I learned when I WAS IN THE NAVY", Kerry droaned on, "was that when you're headed for the shoals, you need to move the rudder." presumably so you don't hit the shoals. Or something like that. I don't remember exactly what he said, but it wasn't very inspiring. Nothing this guy does is inspiring (at least not as inspiring as Al and Tipper breaking all their own PMRC rules right there at the convention. Whoo-hoo! That was HOT!!!!).

With The League's official choice for President now sadly off the campaign trail, we have begun to seek a new candidate (or perhaps a new ticket as we dream starrily over a veep with all the charisma of Dan Quayle or Walter Mondale)...

And I think I found my man. If I watched more Fox Network, he'd have been staring me in the face all along. But it's so painfully obvious. The League now officially endorses the candidacy of Dennis Haysbert solely on the strength of his Allstate commercials.

Yes, Dennis Haysbert, of whom I know so little (as I've never actually seen 24) has guided me through many trials already. Did you see me bar-B-Qing too close to the house? Or accidentally turning my fried turkey into a bonfire? No. You didn't. Why? Because for some reason, I am willing to listen to Dennis Haysbert in a way that I simply cannot listen to the two mooks currently running for position of Leader of the Free World.

Shouldn't I be able to listen, rapt, to a 30 second sound bite without worrying about the President saying "Uhhhh....." for the entire length. I want somebody who isn't just some Skull and Bones dud Yaley. I want some guy who is going to make me want to leap into the belly of the beast with his oration. And who is that man? He's Dennis Haysbert and his Allstate ads.

I am told Mr. Haysbert is a good president on this 24 show. So, hell. If he's over 35 and a US citizen, let's vote the man in.

Dennis Haysbert in 2004!!!!

Super Chopper!!!

Check out these pics of a motorcycle which just won awards at Daytona Beach Bike Week.

Full view

Seat Detail

rear wheel and other detail

Super Shield Handle bar detail

these links are from www.Supermanhomepage.com

Finished watching Colonial House (which still kicks the pants off of Survivor any day), and enjoyed it. It wasn't as good as Frontier House, but it was still top notch. I need to go back and watch some earlier episodes I recorded but didn't watch yet. I don't know what happened to at least two cast members as they disappeared during episodes I recorded while Jamie was in the hospital.

I also watched the final performance of American Idol yesterday. I didn't watch the show much this season, but I can say that I thought that the winner (Fantasia?) had one of the strongest performances I'd seen since Tamyra Gray was unjustly voted off Season 1. (Kelly "Pie-Faced Geek" Clarkson? Please.) Anyway, who knows if she'll actually become a legitimate recording artist on her own (I am slowly counting down Clay Aiken's 15 minutes... and the memory of Ruben Studdard already seems so dim...), but it'd be cool if she did.

Got the new stereo. Hurray. It has many buttons and features I do not understand, which is making it difficult for me to equalize the stereo's output. And I don't like sitting in an idle car sucking in Carbon Monoxide while I adjust the stereo settings until the stereo sounds at least as good as stereos which do not provide any options.

Mel is fat and happy, although he dropped a P-Bomb on the carpet Tuesday night. Bad dog. Poor Jamie gets home much earlier than me, so she always has to clean up after him when he seeks revenge for being neglected.

Terrified of my wrath when I found out what that smell was as I entered the house, Mel once again cowered in the bathtub. I guess that's his "safe place".

Superman 205 by Azzarello and Lee was released yesterday. I now know this is going to be a sllloooowww series. But that's okay. Action Comics is moving almost too fast for my taste, and Adventures of Superman is at a more traditional Superman pace. There's got to be room for many styles, I think.

My guess is that most comic readers who seek non-stop violence in comics are going to either not pick up on (or roundly dismiss as being too heavy handed) the sort of nuanced writing Azzarello is shooting for. Very little fighting here, but the story is saying something unique about Superman's place in the world that DC just doesn't usually touch on, although it often skirts around the issue. Really, not since the amazing Paul Dini/ Alex Ross oversized holiday graphic novel "Peace on Earth", has it been so clear how Superman can be used as both character and metaphor to demonstrate how any person of power struggles on a daily basis as they impose their will upon others.

Due to the story, Superman is definitely being portrayed as an alien, and as we learn more about the circumstances of the story, we see why he is losing touch with his humanity (or perhaps becoming all the closer to it as he experiences abject failure...). There are some legitimate theoretical issues tossed around about how Superman must view himself, others and the world as a whole that are usually glossed over in most 22 page Superman comics.

I will be curious to see how this storyline progresses. I know other Superman fans who want nothing but action, action, action (he came out of Action Comics, after all) will find the story preachy and too boring. But they're not keeping their eyes on the long-term possibilities for the series, and I, for one, am enjoying seeing how this unfolds.

Thanks to Jim for this link.

PC Boombox.

THANKS, SCIENCE!!!

Just when I thought Face/Off was a kind of silly movie with a bizarre premise, some doctors in Kentucky are trying to make the Woo feature a grim, grim reality.

One wonders, with cloning technology ever increasing and now the ability to transplant your face, a world full of walking Darkman sequels can't be far behind.

Here's the article from CNN.com

***Special thanks to Randy for pointing out I never added the link***

HURRAY!!!

Tom is back from Poland!

Something goofy happened yesterday at The League. Something went weird with blogger.com and it resulted in a lack of access to this URL with a www prefix. Anyway, they fixed it and all should be right with the world.

Last night Jamie went to the gym with me, albeit in a largely observational capacity. On the way home, she was quiet for a minute, and then she said: I think you're using your machine backwards.
"Backwards?," I replied.
"Everyone else is going the other direction."
By this she means that I may well be back-pedaling on the elliptical machine which I spent, last night, 35 minutes on. Which was a few miles.
"What do you mean?"
"You know how you're going around in little ellipses? Everyone else's machine is going the other way."
THis made me pause. "Sometimes my knees lock up on the thing. Like my leg is popping backward."
"I'm just saying," she shrugged.
So it may be that I am BACKPEDALING for up to 45 minutes at a time. Which is kind of awesome when you think about it. It means if I went to the track, I'd be huffing it backward around the track, or walking backward down block after block. And while the idea appeals to me, I probably should be running forward since the elliptical machine is my machine of choice.

In other news: Get the warranty.

Yesterday I went to Best Buy to get a new stereo to replace my old stereo which had gone kablooey and tried to eat my copy of the Walkmen's "Bows + Arrows".

It turns out that the prices on car stereos have dropped through the floor in the two years between purchase and total chaos of the Jensen. The high dollar item for cars is now an in-dash DVD player with Liquid Crystal Display (which slides out). As ludicrous (and, if I may say, DANGEROUS) as this sounds, it is, in fact, what Best Buy is now pushing. I assume the CD players are some sort of loss-leader for speakers, installation, etc... at this point.

The bottom line is that (for NOTHING) I got a really nice Panasonic (the second most expensive model I saw) and it was STILL $20 cheaper than the crapular Jensen I bought two years ago. It doesn't get installed until tonight, but I was so giddy while I was checking out that I think I spooked the girl at the register. I guess they're more used to angry people in the returns department.

Today I am truly an Even Steven. But since I trust nothing, I also bought the 4-year Warranty on this new stereo, just in case.

And this shall put Reed into a tailspin from which he may not recover...

But will all 500 of their albums, bootlegs, official concert albums and recordings of them sleeping, snoring, washing their cars, etc... be enough for the Phish legions?

No. No, it will not.

From the FBI:

"Behind the clown nose, however, this man appears to have been supporting an industry that trades in the exploitation of children."

Further negating my desire to go to the circus, and reinforcing every desire I ever had to punch clowns in the head, this article appeared on CNN.com this afternoon.

Next we're going to find out the elephants are running a meth lab out of their trailer. Or the human cannonball is going to get lodged in the barrel to diastrous results. I just can't bear it.

I was recording Colonial House on the DVR last night and something went horribly wrong.

The DVR didn't stop recording. it just kept going and going and going.

THis morning it was recording Body Electric, a workout show I used to watch when I only had three channels and just wasn't up for the morning news while eating my Grape Nuts. Body ELectric was followed immediately by The Boobah Zone. Having seen the Boobah Zone before, this viewing confirmed one thing: THe purpose of Boobah Zone is to get kids interested in the wonders of psychedelics at an early age.

If you thought Tinki Winki and Co. were kind of trippy, these guys are like Cheech and Chong to the Boobah Zone's Timothy Leary. Holy frijoles, my friends. This is one show to melt your gourd.

Nonetheless, I could NOT stop the Boobah Zone from recording. I couldn't call up the menu to stop it from recording. And pressing stop didn't work. "Hey," said Jamie. "The menu said the thing is almost out of space."

Which meant the DVR had been recording since 8:00pm last night.

I eventually just pulled the plug on the thing, and it seemed to right itself after a reboot. Sadly, there was no sign of the recorded 11 hours of PBS. And if there's one thing I know from college, PBS shows some really interesting junk at about 3:00am. I once watched a whole documentary about Cicadas and an episode of Reading Rainbow in the wee, wee hours.

Sadly, I lost my recorded Colonial House, but that was okay. I ended up watching most of it, anyway, while it recorded.

On another electronics note: My car stereo went on the fritz once again two weeks ago. My warranty still in effect, the Best Buy guy called me yesterday and told me the cost of repairs was greater than a new setereo, so he invited me in to select a new stereo.

It appears all stereos for cars are now XM ready and are cheaper than when I bought one a CD player just two years ago. I am lookign forward to getting a car stereo, because with my commute, I've had to develop a second personality to entertain me while I'm on the road.

Oh, yeah...

Looks like a civilian space port is being considered in California.

I am tired today.

I had to get up early to go get blood taken at the lab near the hospital so they can measure both the purines in my blood and to measure my cholesterol. Last time I had my cholesterol checked, I didn't know I wasn't supposed to eat before the test. Consequently, my blood indicated I was fine on two of my cholesterols and on my third, I was pretty much a goner. This may yet be the case, but you never know. In my defense, since that test I've been eating less Crisco straight out of the tub.

No doubt, I will report a Lipitor prescription in the near future.

I also found out on Friday (yes, even with Jamie in the hospital I went to my own doctor's appointment) that I have been taking my medication incorrectly and have been taking painkillers for the past several months believeing they were a necessary anti-inflammatory. Which they kind of are, but it's a "take as needed" kind of medication, not "twice a day with the other pill," as I believed (and how the bottle read).

As Denby would put it, I've essentially been "hopped up on goofballs." But not really.

I did wake up feeling achey this morning and was trying to figure out what that was all about, and near as I can figure, all my neurons and what not are properly firing again and telling me about every little ache I have for the first time since August. That went away within an hour, but now I just feel tired. Which is probably more to do with my exciting weekend. I also need better coffee.

I need to get a PMA (positive mental attitude) or today is going to stink.

I kind of want to go to the circus when it arrives in town in a few weeks, but I'm torn. I am aware that some circuses do not treat their animals terribly well, but Ringling Bros. goes way out of their way to make it clear that their animals are not trained through abuse, etc...

I have no idea if either side is actually correct. I assume the truth is somewhere in between, and Ringling Bros. isn't exactly some tent set up in Wal-Mart parking lot. They have a serious reputation to maintain.

But another strike against the circus is that I kind of don't like clowns. There's always that. I mean, I HATE mimes, but I just kind of dislike clowns. I think the mean clowns in Dumbo must have had a profound effect upon me as a child or something.

And then you read something like this, and all those death-defying stunts don't seem so death defying.

But I haven't been to the circus since I was in 7th grade, and I don't count Cirque du Soliel as a real circus. Until i see an elephant wearing a pink hat, it just ain't a circus. And let's face it, thanks to our entertainment-saturated society, the circus is a disappearing art form here in the US. I'd liek to go and see the circus again just to get a good idea of what it's all about again.

What to do... what to do...

I am happy to say Jamie is home from the hospital and feeling fairly well. We had a little scare there. She was supposed to go in for a minor sort of thing (in our medical universe) and ended up spending the weekend fighting a nasty infection which she had prior to arriving but had gone under the radar. The initial prognosis was not a good one, but after a few tests we got all squared away and were able to get Jamie treated with some antibiotics and whatnot.

Anyway, we're home now and only slightly worse for wear. Thanks to those who sent e-mails and positive vibes.

Upon our arrival home, we got to watch our DVR'd copy of Smallville's Season Finale. Hurray! That ruled. I think they just introduced the Phantom Zone. If you don't know what that is, well, it's a sort of...zone... kind of on a phantom plane... that, uh... well, it's a good place to put dudes like Zod when they get out of hand.

Make sure your TiVo's etc... are ready. Next week is the finale of Justice League on Cartoon Network before it is relaunched as Justice League Unlimited. Look for it around 7:00 next Saturday evening. Given my hip lifestyle, no doubt I'll be home to watch it.

Sorry guys. I've been quiet as Jamie's been in the hospital yet again. She's doing much, much better and I hope to get her home by Saturday afternoon.

It's a grim story on this one, but suffice it to say, the really bad part is past and what we thought might be wrong wasn't the case. Which is a GOOD thing. Her mom is here. I'm trying to get work done from home before I go to the hospital.

Adios.

I am SOOOOOOO going to buy this comic.

I am very busy. Sorry the blogs have been short in coming.

In the meantime, enjoy any of the links off to the left below League archives.

Also, here's the new Supergirl:

Update on our friend in Odessa.

thanks to Jim for the update.

THANKS, SCIENCE!!!

and thank you even more, Odessa ISD.

as per a discussion we had here a few months ago... regarding why you don't want to post your picture online.

My health

My heatlh has been an issue of late as work stress increases and less and less time has been spent doing much in the way of physical activity.

At one point, in the not so distant past, I was an avid practitioner of TaeKwonDo. In these days I could spar (essentially fist fighting) for an hour at a time, getting moderately ehausted somewhere near the end. I was doing hundreds of push-ups every week (on my fingertips no less) and tons of crunches. About three years ago, that all went to hell and I just quit.

The reasons for quitting are varied, and not terribly interesting, but I basically was not ready to give up the rest of my life in order to meet the expectations of black belts within the TKD organization to which I belonged (essentially giivng up most weekends and evenings to teach, run tournaments, etc...).

As of two weeks ago, i joined a gym, and it's been revelation as to what three years of watching cartoons and B-movies will do to your physique and general health. I had a fitness assessment (of which I take some stock, but do not acept as Bible's truth for a few reasons) which suggested I had the relative phyciality of the average 38 year old. "With a few years work," the physical trainer guy told me, "You could be your own relative age." Essentially, if I totally bust ass, I stand a good chance of being 32 when I'm 32. Whoo-hoo.

Now I can only take the charts so seriously, mostly because I still recall the incident in high school health class in which I was actually off the height weight scale so far it suggested I was morbidly obese. And at this time, I was actually pretty damn skinny. I don't know if my bones are made out of concrete or what, but I've always weighed a ton for my actual physique. Getting pudgy has only made the issue amplified.

Nonetheless, I am taking the issue very seriously as I don't want to be dead. Not yet, anyway. Maybe at some point in the future, but not this year. The simple fact is that my family has a small history of heart disease, but a large one with diabetes. I need to start working on myself ASAP in order to avoid these two traps. So I am now working out as often as possible for as long as possible, and I've got a hell of alot of work to do. So bear with me as I occasionally post progress, etc...

Rationator Mirus points to an interesting story on the first "succesful" civilian space flight. Check it out.

Congratulations to Jeffrey Alan "Peabo" Peek. My pal just got hitched up on Saturday to Adriana, a girl whose standards in selecting a husband must be astonishingly low.

Jeff and I met up in 4th grade when I first moved to Austin. He was in my class and he lived down the street from me. Our buddyship was largely based around Jeff coming up with dangerous ideas and me trying to talk him down (like trying to catch rattlesnakes using my shirt for a net...).

We lived together for a year in college, went our separate roommate ways, but have always kept in touch. Jeff went off to law school in San Antonio, and has been practicing on and off in the greater Austin area (aside froma 6 month stint in Mexico). His job brought him into Adriana's realm about a year ago, and the two of them must have really hit it off as they became like peanut butter and jelly overnight.

Peabo got married on Saturday down in Old Mexico. Due to a number of limiting factors, I was unable to attend. However, Jeff's pop (PK Peek) sent along some digital photos, one of which I share below.

Congratulations, Peabo and Mrs. Peabo. Up, up and away.

I know this opinion isn't going to be popular, but can't we take a vote on euthanizing Courtney Love?

Does anybody really need Courtney Love? Isn't she really the world's most famous junkie? Has anybody ever bought a Hole record? Aren't you kind of ashamed you did? And there's that whole possibility that she maybe might have killed her husband to ensure eternal fame and fortune. And there's the very real possibility she should not be allowed within a kilometer of her own child.

Anyway, just an idea. Discuss.

Will anyone listen to The League? Probably not.

But for your viewing pleasure, PBS is airing it's own reality programming in the form of "Colonial House".

Like Manor House, Frontier House, 1900 House, 1940's House and, I think, a few before it... Colonial House is an experiment to see how a mix of modern folks do when placed into a recreation of past ways of living. Training is provided, and the participants are not asked to pretend that they're actually in the preceeding time-frame. They are asked to dress, eat, and work as if they were in the sampled time frame.

The show is run by historians and other experts, and it appears this series will take the same format as "Frontier House" and place three households into the mix.

Nobody can win. This is not a competition against each other, but rather a competition against modern expectations versus past expectations.

If the previous series are any indication, it should be well worth tuning in for. Tonight's episode is 2 hours, so it might be worth recording.

Margot Kidder rocks out...

For the official site, go here.

This weekend the marketing media blitz began for Shrek 2 (the movie) as well as all of the Shrek cross-promotional tie-ins. From video games to soap to Sierra Mist to who know's what else, Shrek is busily hawking a multitude of products using either the real voices of the actors or some very qualified sound-alikes (this is done quite a bit. In fact, Tom Hanks' brother makes some money as Tom's sound alike for things like Toy STory video games, etc...).

I wasn't a huge fan of the original Shrek. We saw it late in the game (maybe a month after it came out), and NOTHING could have lived up to the media hype and the word of mouth hype we went through before seeing the movie. I'm not saying the movie was bad... I just wasn't as blown away as the rest of the world wanted me to be.

Well, there's nothing like whoring yourself to ensure a profit, and it's something much easier to do in the animated world than actually getting, say, DeNiro to sell potato chips. At any rate, given I'm seeing actual commercials for the movie and ads for the cross-promotion once a commercial break EVERY commercial break, I have already been overly saturated in Shrekness. Which is okay. It could have been Garfield.

I have a question regarding our situation in Iraq... and it's not politically charged... I just want to know:

Where are the Iraqis getting all of those guns?

Seriously.

In all of these pictures, the Iraqis are armed, and not just with little hunting rifles and pistols. These guys have RPG's and shoulder mounted rocket launchers and other things you can't even find in Texas. And if these guys always had these weapons, why didn't they use them before to shoot at Saddam?

What's the story?

If anyone has any answers, please fill me in.

I now know nobody reads this blog. Or at least the folks who read it can't do math any better than people who write it.

600/12 = 50. Not 5.

So caught up in proving Van Helsing was a stupid movie was I, that my math was off by a factor of 10. Yes, I have two college degrees. Shut up.

At any rate:
1 victim per month
12 months in a year
12 victims per year
5 years
60 victims in 5 years

or, as they said, 1 or 2 people
1.5 victims per month
12 months per year
18 victims per year
5 years
90 victims in 5 years

that's still a hell of a lot of people, especially if my actual estimate of the number of residents (150) is closer than the number I suggested it might be. Enough to make me begin considering listing my house with Century 21.

"Selling the house, are you, Ivan?"
"Yeah, me and Dolores put her up yesterday."
"Gettin' a wee bit scared of the vampires?"
"No... no... just part of the charm of your cold, frigid valley with no visible means of support."
"You like the castles?"
"Well, yes, but only that incredibly good looking girl in the tight trousers lives there, and nobody else ever gets to go in."
"Ah, well, we'll miss you digging for turnips with us."
"Best of luck."
"Yeah, well, plant some garlic, too, for God's sake."
"Oh, right... good idea."

At any rate, those aren't good numbers either way. Especially when you figure it's 19th century Eastern-Europe where life expectancy was probably around 40 or so.

Maybe the Transylvanians just breed like rabbits.

I forgot the biggest dumb thing about Van Helsing.

I was going to say it's a spoiler, but it's not.

Van Helsing is more or less there to save a village of people from being plagued by Dracula. Okay, maybe not exactly (you can judge for yourself for a mere $5.50 at matinee), but if he kills Dracula, that's it, right? The people can be happy again...

Except these incredibly stupid people live in a narrow valley tucked between mountains which is prone to attacks by Vampires. Flying vampires.

So, okay... you don't want to leave your homeland even after 400+ years of vampire attacks (I think I could learn to be flexible and go somewhere with just, say, El Chubacabra). Even in Transylvania, you can still move to a more advantageous position, like, up on a hill. Or underground. Or build, say, a roof over the town. I'm not positive, but I am betting that you would start dreaming up anti-vampire defenses pretty quickly.

Keep in mind, not a clove of garlic or a crucifix is ever really seen in this town.

And the population of the town appeared to be maybe 600 people on the outside. And I think I'm being nice here, because, really, it looked liek the village had maybe 150 extras in it... tops. The villagers state that Dracula and his ladies pluck off 1 or 2 people a month, and that's acceptable. People, I know I'm no PhD in math, but those are NOT good numbers. Your village would be wiped out in 5 years with 600 people at one a month.

And who the hell wants to be the last dude standing around as the target?

Anyway, not necessarily a plot point, but it kind of was... and it made the movie all the dumber.

Yesterday, not so much after work as much as when i was done working, another guy from my office and I went to see Van Helsing. THis was not even done so much in spite of Jim D's review of the movie, but because of it. All Steans men share a common gene regarding movies. We like bad movies. It's true. And when we hear someone pronounce a movie as awful, it isn't enough to take their word for it: We have to see that stinking pile of poo for ourselves. And it didn't hurt that I had nothing better to do at work yesterday and there's a theater literally less than a block from my office I'd never been to before.

Was Van Helsing as bad as people say? Sure, I guess. Like most big budget, bloated, ridiculous summer movies, the very premise of the story made not a lick of sense. None. Not a bit. If I were in college mode and drunk and watching this movie I would have assumed the booze went to my brain and had erased crucial bits which the byzantine plot most likely tossed at me, but MGD had washed away. Not so here.

SPOILER WARNING:

Just to get it out of the way: Why the hell hadn't Dracula dedicated his endless undead life to killing all werewolves if that was the only thing can defeat him? We know he can turn them into people again, so why is he bothering with making vampire babies until he knows he's utterly undefeatable? And another thing... If the only way to go to Castle Dracula was through that stupid map, why wasn't the place a ghost-town? THey say something about wings or something... but was the castle a physical place? Where was the castle? How were the oompa-loompas flying around to get to this castle? How did the heroes get back at the end when the story made it clear the door locked up tight behind them? Why wasn't that chick's body totally rotting by the time they found the ocean? Why did the end look like a greeting card?

END SPOILERS

The sets, the costuming, etc... were all very lavishly and expensively done. In fact, the completely useless "ball room scene" was enough to make the set-designers for Cirque de Soleil green with envy.

The CG was mostly well done, and I would guess we'll never know how much stuff in the movie we'll take for granted that was actually a hard-won victory for some 3D modeller out there... but in a lot of places where it counts, the CG just wasn't very good.

And I've read a lot of bitching about the guy who played Dracula... look... I've seen Dracula with Lugosi. He's about as subtle as a Sherman tank. I think i know where this guy was coming from in his portrayal, and while it wasn't super-duper... please show me a guy who DIDN'T play a hokey version of Dracula.

One of my biggest complaints (and I'd been forewarned) was, why so much swinging? I swear there was more swinging in this than in Spider-Man. People were continually hurling around on ropes and cables to a tremendous effect which usually accomplished next to nothing.

The script was awful, and Van Helsing looked somewhat ridiculous in that hat. And the three Dracula brides were... awful. Yes, awful is the word I was looking for. But I TOTALLY dug Dracula's oompa-loompas. I'm going to make all my student workers dress like those dudes in the future.

But this was a super hero movie, hands down. Sure, it used the monsters from a few decent Universal monster movies, but it was pretty much a movie about a superhero going up against a mad scientist with a nefarious plot. And if you had any doubt, the gymnastics and wire-tricks should be enough to convince you of the true purpose.

Coppola tried to revive the Monster/ Horror movie genre (dead since the 50's, really) in the 90's. Dracula was, I hear, somewhat close to the book. Frankenstein was an odd mix of the book, movie and whatever the hell Branagh was up to. Both were fairly emotionless studies of getting through the paces of the stories and to get A list actors into monster movies. I think the end results of both movies are questionable. I've seen stage plays of both subjects that rocked the pants off of these movies.

I'm not sure the 1930's Universal monster movies of Dracula or Frankenstein were ever REALLY scary. I've read Ray Bradbury's account of seeing Frankenstein as a kid, and how he hid behind his seat. Maybe it's possible. But there's a purity of unsullied story-telling that goes along with those movies. They take a world with things that Van helsing is sorely lacking in (like, say, gravity), and add a feature into it our world that is utterly unnerving. The monsters worked (if they ever worked) because they remind us how frail and fragile we really are.

Van Helsing takes the world, removes all rules (including those of gravity and how much damage the human frame can really take), and then adds bizarre feature after bizarre feature until the canvas, as a whole, has lost any sense of meaning. How can you be afraid of the werewolf when your hero might, say, hop over the top of the werewolf while eating a hoagie at any given moment?

On an infinte number of levels, Van Helsing is a faiulre. It's not enough that it pays homage to the original source material. That's a nice effort, but... The creators seem to have utterly failed to grasp why the source material worked the first time while whoring it out to earn some sort of Monster Movie street cred (yes, Mr. Sommers... we all saw the burning windmill. Good for you.).

I'll probably watch this movie again at some point, because I'll always watch Batman and Robin over and over, even though I don't like it. It's a bit like watching an incredibly slow car crash, or maybe a train derailment over 2 hours or so.

In the meantime, I await the arrival of my movie monster box set.

So what's going on at The League?

Jamie's company is based in Oletha, Kansas (a suburb of Kansas City), and every year the folks in Kansas have a fun activity, such as going to the Kansas equivalent of Six Flags or going to a Royals game. But since Jamie's satellite office is out here in Arizona, they just don't do anything most of the time. To try and make up for this lack of fun, the Kansas office ordered the Tempe office to find something and go do it.

So Saturday we went to the Out of Africa Wildlife Park. Not much to say about it except that it was actually more interesting than the Phoenix Zoo in a lot of ways, although a much more humble affair. It's also interesting to be in a place where all that stands between you and a 600 pound tiger is a chain link fence. The key is not to piss off the tigers.

Sunday we went to see Urinetown which was being performed on campus as part of the traveling Broadway series. I thoroughly enjoyed the show, and I think other folks would like it (how can you not like a musical with songs like "Freedom, Runaway!" celebrating the need to run away when confronted by your oppressors). Not everybody liked it. We went to a matinee of the play and, as Arizona is crawling with retirees, we were surrounded by the elderly. At intermission the dudes in the men's room were vocal about their confusion. Apparently post-modernism has not yet hit the Matlock crowd, but, hey... That's okay.

The truth is, unfortunately, I will not remember the show as much for the script or the songs as much as the crowd. On Jamie's right sat a blind woman who was getting an Al Michaels play-by-play of the proceedings, and to my left sat an elderly couple who had rented headsets to better hear the show as they were both deaf. Consequently, I heard the entire show as an echo through the old people's headsets. To add to the fun, the headsets were making one of their hearing aids whistle out of control, which, apparently, neither of them seemed to notice for the entire 2.5 hour duration of the show. I don't know if you've ever heard a hearing-aid whistle from feedback or from running low on batteries, but it's absolutely horrible and intended to get the wearer to immediately remove the device.

But I'm a nice guy and so I just decided "hey, they're old. This show can't be cheap for them, either... I can live through it." But, then, of course, they started talking to each other, too. Loudly of course, because not only were they deaf, they had on those headsets and squealing hearing aids.

Finally another old guy, who had no need to have respect for old people, turned around and said "WILL YOU TWO BE QUIET?!!!!" I now love that anonymous old man in front of me and two seats down.

Before the final note of the final song, my darlings stood up and bolted for the exit, eager to beat other folks out of the parking lot and to the Early Bird Special at Denny's, I'd guess. Consequently, they missed the end of the show, more or less.

The moral of the lesson: No more matinee shows in Retirementville, USA.

Hi Denby!

It appears The League is 75% good and 25% evil.

thanks to Randy (who has gone 100% blogicidal) for the link.

Molly Writes:

Dear Melbotis,

Are we alone in the universe?

Molly

p.s. Why don't you have comments?

Dear Molly,

Me have waited until now to answer Molly question since Molly went off to see Elephunts in land where it often rainy. And Mel not mean Houston.

Mel have deep belief that every living creature is made of same cosmic dust which resulted from big bang, and that all nature and creation nothing more than embodiment of energy resulting from whatever came before big bang. Some energy stay put and be like, say, sofa. Other energy become moving thing, like, say... cat. But in end, we are all made of protons and neutrons and quarks. But because we are all made of solid matter, we (sofa or cat) are all cosmically connected having come from result of big bang.

Mel think this mean you might want to avoid anti-matter so that universe does not collapse in on itself.

But then Mel see thing like stupid neighbor dog hanging over fence going barkbarkbark, and Mel know he can share cosmic connection and neighbor dog still is jerk.

Mel also know that in morning, people jangle keys and put on silly clothes and look for cell phone and go to work. And then Mel fall into pit of despair as people leave Mel all alone. But you know what? People always come home again, and then Mel know the universe is not black pit of meaningless despair. If people not come home, then Mel poop on carpet.

Sometime people ask Mel, "Hey, Mel... why no comments on page?" Mel only response is that League of Melbotis is no democracy. If you want thought published to site, send letter to Mel, and Mel is happy to remove four-letter names assigned to Ryan and then post letter.

Have good day, Molly. Hope you liked India.

Fast times at Hero High.

Check it out!

My friends Jeff is off to Mexico to get married tomorrow.

I am now deeply regretting my decision to not attend the ceremonies. Ah, well. C'est la vie.

Superman Update

Much ado about Superman today.

An article appeared in Time's online version basically stating that Superman needs to be updated. They fail to mention how that could be successfully accomplished, and, instead, name the shotgun approach DC is currently taking. In other words, throw as many versions at the wall as possible and see what sticks.

Bad idea.

Either a property resonates or doesn't resonate, but making Superman all things to all people essentially makes him nothing but a corporate schill. And as a trademarked symbol, he's going to have to play that role. BUT... my problem with the article is that they spend a lot of time hashing out why Superman isn't cool (and a lot of their assumptions left me wondering), but never point out why he is cool. Or ever was cool. It's an unwinnable debate which has been tossed around since the mid-80's, and the article's author seems to be highly frazzled by having to write the article at all.

I kind of wonder what brought it on. It sounds as if the AOL/Time Warner/ DC Comics corporate uber-minds decided Superman needed some attention, but the editors didn't care what spin they got... as long as they got some sort of coverage.

As far as Superman's Team-Based exploits, Justice League's Series Finale will air May 29th. Set your TiVo now. The series will re-launch in the Fall under the name Justice League Unlimited and guest-star a bevy of DC heroes. (I like the "Unlimited" name. It's more accurate than JL America, which seems silly since J'onn J'onzz is Martian, Aquaman is King of Atlantis, Wonder Woman is Princess of Themyscira, etc... etc...).

And according to the Superman Homepage:

Seinfeld and Superman to Air on NBC
With Friends now history, NBC is looking to another Must-See legend to re-energize its Thursday night lineup. According to Variety, on May 20th - the final Thursday of May sweeps - the network will air The Adventures of Seinfeld & Superman, a special based on Jerry Seinfeld's current American Express Web series.

They changed blogger

It's chaois here at the League. They changed blogger... it looks great.

I just ran into a former pal from high school, Charlie Pollock.

Charlie was in the class of '91 and I was in the class of '93, so I only hung out with him for a short while as we did a play together. Well, Leaguers, Charlie went on to broadway stardom and is now in the touring group for Urinetown.

Anyway, I was just telling my co-worker over lunch that I was going to see Urinetown on Sunday. On our way back, Charlie strolled by on his way to see a movie at the theater near my office. Weird world, huh?

It's been ten years, but it was good to see the guy. And i guess I'm going to see him again on Sunday. Only he'll be on stage this time. But, dammit! I was his understudy in our UIL production of A Midsummer Night's Dream! (Don't worry, I'm prepared to step in for him if anything goes wrong on this production, too.)

Let it be known that I, along with millions of others, watched the final episode of Friends.

I haven't really watched the show in two or three years, and my viewing has been sporadic during that entire time. And while it's not my favorite show (It's no MXC), one can certainly see how the show surpasses... oh... about 80% of the sitcoms out there. So, sure... there's nothing wrong with people liking it.

BUT (and there's always a but), in the first ten minutes, I was ready to turn off the finale for the same reason I turned off the show for the past several years. I get a weird, embarrassed feeling for David Schwimmer whenever I watch that show. Something about him or his character just drives me up the wall. I can't put my finger on it, but it's there. That, and Matthew Perry was much funnier when he was on uppers.

Most bizarre was that Friends, once again, had big emotional scenes using their airport sets. Man, those guys get an amazing amount of mileage out of the terminal sets they built for, I think, Season 2. People are always jetting off, or coming back on jets, and somehow, the airport has to be the place where they say their good-byes or "I love you's" or whatever.

Anyway, no big deal. The show is over, and I got through it without being constantly told how it had changed all of western civilization. THis is unlike the finale of Sex and the City (which I watched for, I think, 1/2 of a season in 2001), whose finale had entertainment journalists beating their breasts and wailing at the moon for a full month ahead of time.

In the next two years, we have several meltdowns to look forward to as the cast of Friends moves on to "movie stardom" and to try to get new projects off the ground. Several series are sure to follow on NBC, and if the past is any indication, they should all be outstanding successes. Ah... how we all enjoyed The Jason Alexander Show, Watching Ellie, and The Michael Richards Show. Good luck, guys!

After reporting on my friend, Jeff's progress on his wedding, Nordstrom posted this chilling tale of cross-border romance and the sea of red-tape which is keeping two people apart.

I am also reminded of another true life romance I was somewhat aware of back in Austin where a guy I knew fell in love with an American girl, but discovered all too late that legal issues would keep them from being together in the US, and so she ended up moving to Mexico. She had to give up a good paying job and say good-bye to family and friends in order to be with her new love.

Lately things have been sort of crappy. I don't know what the story is, but it feels as if I'm getting metaphorically kicked in the crotch quite a bit lately, and it's starting to make me edgy. Really. I'm getting really sick of it.


on the Tetsuo scale, I think I'm about right here right now...

It doesn't help that about three months ago i realized I probably am stuck in Arizona for the rest of my life as I have no clear means of ever returning to Texas, let alone Austin. And that's depressing as hell. I have a good paying job, and so does Jamie. I may not like my job, but it pays better than digging ditches, and it keeps me out of the broiling sun during the Arizona summer.

But even my job has turned from a job where I handled interesting multimedia projects into a job where I babysit faculty day in and day out as they whine about classroom space. it's chimp work and should be a minor, minor part of my job. Instead, it's turned into at least 25 hours a week of what I do.

I got my job threatened last week by one guy, another faculty called me at 4:30 yesterday to tell me he was unhappy about something we'd previously agreed upon, and he was going to pull his class from our program, effectively neutralizing the program (because he doesn't want to walk an extra quarter-mile to teach class two days a week).

My boss is asking me to create roll-away carts to create online multimedia, which seems like a splendid idea. Only I've done this before. It's a huge hassle, isn't worth the cost of what it takes to employ such a set-up, and the final product is usually pretty cheesy. In general, it's a terrible idea, and something only an engineer would dream up. No self-respecting video jock would create such a set-up as they would inherently recognize the flaws in such a set-up. Unfortunately, the video world is now run on the advice of engineers with toys more often than people who actually know a little about production work. Bleah.

There are a host of other, smaller and more annoying issues, but it seems that's all I deal with anymore. It's been a long time since I got up for work and actually was at least impassive about going. Lately it's been feeling like a real chore. And life's too short for that.

It's insane. it's 8:30 AM, and it's already a shitty day.

When you assume...

So I'd been loosely following the development of Cryptic Studios/ NC Soft's new release "City of Heroes", a massive multiplayer video game which one can play online. The basic gist is: you create a superhero and send them out into a massive virtual environment to fight crime. Sounds right up my alley.

Except I am not a gamer. Nor am I, despite my credentials, really much of a computer guy.

So I spent a good chunk of change on the game and pre-ordered it. It finally showed up at my house last night. I loaded it, all looked good.... until I realized I didn't have a good enough graphics card or even a good enough processor to play the game. In my computer I bought in December. And I have a laptop, so it's not like I can readily change out either item.

In order to even set-up the game, I had to get a subscription to the service which would allow me to play.

So:

1) I can't return the game to Best Buy because I already opened it (that's their policy in Black and White)
2) I'm not sure if when I cancelled my subscription to the service if I am getting refunded for the 6 months I was too be billed for, and may be billed for 6 months instead of the two hours it took for me to decide to forego trying to make this work and just try to sell the copy of the game.

As I mentioned, I am not computer savvy. And I know there's a snickering army of Melvins out there saying "Snort! How did he think he could play a game on an Inspiron! Snort! He might as well have been using a Apple IIe! Hynuck hynuck!"

Cinco de Mayo!!!!

It's not about just boozing it up any more than that's what the 4th of July is about north of the border. But it's also not really officially Mexican Independence Day. So what is it?

Read here and here.

It's 1st Amendment Morning today at the League.

We don't need hooded government goons in this fair land of ours. We have CEO's with bottom line's and whatnot to worry about.

Michael Moore's new flick (sure to be boo'd by the right and overly lauded by the left) is being blocked from distribution by Disney head, Michael Eisner. Apparently, he just noticed that this Michael Moore chap, who one of his little subsidiaries works with, is a bit of a rabble rouser. He's effectively blocking release of Moore's new un-surprisingly anti-Bush documentary as he doesn't feel Disney should be entering into a political debate. Here's the story.

thanks to Nathan and Randy for pointing me to the story.

In more colorful news, the euphemism "getting your salad tossed" entered my universe late Sunday night, has popped up numerous times since then. I first heard it on, show of shows, MTV's Wildboyz. I wrote it off then, but it was yesterday, whilst browsing The Smoking Gun that I read up on Howard Stern and Jimmy Kimmel's attempts to get Oprah fined by the FCC. Apparently, Oprah had a show (pre-Janet Jackson's nipple) which was a "frank" discussion about sex. In which they bantied about terms like "tossing the salad".

Taking exception to being singled out by the FCC, Stern has been encouraging his listeners to write into the FCC to complain about the Winfrey program. ABC's Jimmy Kimmel, always one for anything potty-humored, has joined in the charge. Read about it here.

I encourage you to read the letters to the FCC. They're pretty funny. And the truth is, Stern has a point.

If anyone can locate Louis Black's anti-FCC rampage from The Daily Show from a month ago, let me know. (It's never easy explaining to your wife you know exactly what "Hot Carl" means.)

I just screwed up. Badly.

My friend, Jeff, sent out a group e-mail telling everyone that he CAN go to Mexico for his wedding. So delighted was I, that I replied to him an e-mail, said some nice things, and whatnot.

But I accidentally hit "reply to all", which means I sent nice things out to a hundred people.

Oops.

I've known Jeff since I was 10, and this is surely less embarrassing than dozens of other things I've done in that time, but I did the equivalent of having a conversation with him in a crowded room while leaving a microphone on.

Ugh. It's hard to shake the creepy crawlies after you've done something like that.

I sent a Recall in Outlook, but I can only guess about how well that is going to work.

I am so embarrassed, my head hurts.

Thanks, Science!

Turns out owning a hybrid car could cause you some additional giref if you're in a car wreck.

ZAP!!!!

I am very excited about the upcoming models of hybrid car. I love the Forester, but with it's tiny tank and my weekly mileage, if I don't fill up every Monday, it can spell trouble.

Can Jim D. and Randy meet the challenge set before them?

Loyal Leaguers may recall that a month or so ago I challenged Jim and Randy to:

1) see Garfield: The Movie in the theater

2) write a full review of the movie for use on both of their sites and The League

The League is willing to fully fund the price of 1 ticket, a large popcorn and a soda of their choice for each participant. Girlfriends, kindly grandmothers, and random children chosen off the street must pay their own way. The League is not a charity.

So will they accept the challenge, or be all cowardly and stuff...? June 11th, we'll know for sure.

Ahhhhh... Hippie Hollow... my earliest memories of living in Austin (around age 10) include a conversation with a girl telling me how she drifted past Hippie Hollow in her family boat, and how a dude was hanging out naked on the rocks.

"It's a nude beach," she said.
"And he was naked."
"Yes. it was so gross."
"And you knew it was a nude beach."
"Yeah, it's Hippie Hollow."
"Why in God's name did your parents go by Hippie Hollow so slowly if they knew it was a nude beach?"
"Those people are freaks."
"That apparently your family likes to take long, lingering glances at."
"No way. We were just drifting by."
"Uh-huh."
"We were!"
"Slow enough to look at the nude people."
"You're a freak."
"I see."

Being married to me, my beautiful wife, Jamie, has to suffer through a lot. She's grown accustomed to a lot of the capes and superhero nonsense, and she's even embraced small bits of it (but I still can't get her to pick out a comic on her own if she ever winds up at the comic shop with me). Lately, the thing has been my school work for my grad class which has decimated the past several weekends as I slog through a project which I am not particularly fond of.

Gold star to her for putting up with me while she has to do all the real work around the house.

On another front, she was delighted to see pictures of Christian Bale in his batsuit. Apparently, the former Newsies star is the sort of dude Jamie likes to see in a pointy-eared cowl. So we both get something out of the new Batman movie, I guess.

I joined a gym this weekend. God help me. I need to go tonight or I am never going to make this work.

My friend Jeff Peek is having trouble with the US Immigration department. Jeff is marrying a lovely girl name of Adriana from Guadalajara. Apparently, the immigration services jacked up some paperwork, and now she may not be able to go to Mexico for the wedding without risking her immigration status. Sounds pretty awful from what he said, and being that Jeff is one of my oldest pals, I am really down hearing about it. They'll still get married, but the actual wedding and all that they have already put money down for is in serious jeopardy. Due to numerous factors, i was not going to the wedding in Mexico. Ugh. Poor guy.

And on a very different note... one of the biggest personal scandals to hit comics since Dave Sim declared women to be the root of all evil, anti-war activist/ comic artist Micah Wright was found out to NOT be an Army Ranger as he'd frequently asserted. Wright had published one book and was due to publish another book of retooled porpaganda posters driving toward anti-war sentiment. For years, he had always used the bulletproof defense that he was a former Army Ranger who had turned anti-war during the invasion of Panama. That is, until his lack of Ranger training, etc... was uncovered by the Washington Post.

Still, Wright asserts it was a "joke" and a "hoax", instead of admitting he's a big old liar.

Scandals liek this don't hit comics very often, but when they do... well, let's just say Wright isn't going to be working in comics again. He managed to embarass not just himself, but his publishers, editors and everyone else who ever believed him.

Reviews of movies I watched this weekend (God bless you, little DVR!).

20 Millions Miles to Earth

Ever since I was a little kid and had a book called "Movie Monsters!", I'd wanted to see this flick. It sounded really, really cool what with space ships and monsters. I'm always one for the vintage sci-fi and stuff.

But, as Randy lamented, the things we dug as kids don't always pan out to be as great as we thought they were.

It's the 50's, and our brave astronauts crash in the ocean outside Sicily while returning from Venus. The craft is absolutely enormous and very cool, until it disappears in the sea. A weird cowboy/ Italian kid who looks exactly liek Steve-o from MTV's Wildboyz discovers a big tube filled with some sort of egg in it. The cowboy/Italian/Steve-o sells the egg to a local doctor for the price of a Texas Cowboy hat.



Meanwhile, our alarmingly lantern jawed astronaut/ hero puts down his female doctor which makes her fall in love with him. (Note to self: always treat women like 2nd class citizens, and they will adore you) The female doctor is the neice or something of the doctor who got the egg. The egg hatches and out pops a monster from Venus.

Side note: everyone on board the rocket but the lantern jawed astronaut died of a mysterious venutian virus. THis is never mentioned again despite the fact a huge, venutian monster is running around the countryside contaminating god knows what.

Overnight the monster grows at an exponential rate (despite not being fed or watered or anything). The astronaut and the US space agency realize the egg is missing and go try to find it. Apparently the astronauts saw a lot of the things on the surface of Venus and learned only one thing: THe monsters can be harmed by electricity.

Wow.

I guess we're to understand they flew all the way to Venus to figure out how to torture the native life.

And here's the important thing: the astronaut hero guy says that the monsters are only aggressive if provoked. And then the astronaut proceeds to poke the monster with a stick. Seriously. he finds a 20 foot pole and begins poking at the damn thing.

The monster retaliates by killing an Italian farmer. This leads them to believe the monster is dangerous, so they capture it, only to let it grow REALLY large. So, of course, the monster escapes. It runs into an elephant (they're keeping him at the zoo), has a pretty convincing fight with the elephant.

Knowing the monster is only aggressive if provoked, the military attacks it with bazookas, causing all kinds of havoc in the streets of Rome. Eventually, the thing falls off the Roman Collosseum and dies. The end

Proving that people are dumb as rocks, this movie asserts that, despite the fact the monster was our responsibility, we should kill it for, you know, trying to get out and about. Yet, this movie is still a bit of a sci-fi classic. Ray Harryhausen provided the special FX, and they're really, really good. But the questions one could raise about the game plan for containing this beast... anyway, the movie is pretty much the third act of King Kong stretched out to two hours.

I also saw Bridge on the River Kwai, which was infinitely better.

And Arnie learns politics is a cruel, cruel bitch

Teen Movies. There are a heck of a lot of them out these days, aren't there? And just when I thought "Not Another Teen Movie" heralded the end of the latest spate of them, I was very, very wrong.

As long as there are teenagers who believe media targeted at them is shiny and brand new and wholly original to the universe as it enters their experience, a dozen or so of these flicks are getting cranked out a year. And the funny thing is, the critics spend a lot of time justifying these movies instead of simply writing them off. But the review always has the haunting quality of a 16 year old girl whose parent simply don't understand her...

The review of the teen movie always goes something like:

Being a teenager is hard. Every high school is the same. There are cliques. The cafeteria blah blah blah. We all hated it, right? Right? This movie is about a girl who is sad because she is not popular in the cafeteria. Something magical happens to make her popular but then she does not like herself. This thing tests her identity about who she wants to be, and she decides to be who she was at the beginning of the movie and the bitchy girls get their comeuppance. This movie wasn't very good, but it had a few funny jokes. Breakfast Club is good. In spite of all the shit I put on other, better movies, I liked this movie. The End.

You know what?

If you really thought that life would be great if you ditched your friends, it means you're an idiot and kind of a horrible person. Seriously. You don't deserve the fairy tale story where you learn to accept your friends. You were probably a jerk then and, more than likely, you're a jerk now.

And, kids... High school is easy. High schoolers don't really work and they live the dream lives of the characters on Friends where you pretty much pal around with your buddies all day, and then go pal around with your buddies some more, and nobody is ever at work or worrying about a mortgage or anything. This is why my favorite high school movie may well be "American Beauty".

Of course, I came into my high school as a sophomore, so maybe I missed the day freshman year we were given "A TV Viewer's Guide to Your High School". And thanks to TV and movies, I remember thinking high school was going to be this horrible place where I was going to have to win ski competitions and dance-offs to impress girls. Really, the worst thing about high school is that you have to go see a lady in the principals' office when you are "tardy", even if it's because you dared to use the bathroom between classes.

I suspect movies and TV are written by people who always secretly wanted to be IN some crowd they thought would make boring high school more interesting, instead of watching these other folks from afar like the characters always do on these shows. Which pretty much means two things to me:

1) the writers may have dedicated their whole lives to feeling superior to Jessica Schwartz once and for all, and their whole professional life is some sad revenge fantasy
2) The critics need the same visceral indication and are still getting it from these movies at age 40

With movie after movie coming out like this, clearly it's reaching the intended audience (whether the decision is to go with the hot, rich prince, or whether to go back to hanging out with your admittedly lame friends you had in Act 1).

My high school movie would be painful and boring to watch as the great drama unfolded as my dad and I debated whether mowing the lawn early or late on Saturday was a better idea. Or the drama of the bad haircut. Or the story of the time the pump took a really long time at the Chevron. Or the saga of the really bad pair of Bugle Boys. Or the time I jumped off my roof into the pool. If we wanted to get really exciting, we could investigate the mystery of why we never had any damn soda in the house unless guests came to visit. Hollywood, I am ready to sell any of these ideas.

In the history of weird decisions, this was one of the weirdest in broadcasting I can think of.

NPR said "adios" today to Bob Edwards as the voice of my morning commute.

I'm still not sure what prompted Edward's ouster, but I am betting whatever we were told about wanting to skew younger is hogwash. I bet Edwards and Montagne got into a knife-fight in the parking lot.

And.... first look at Christian Bale as Batman.

Apparently some a-holes in some a-hole hate group managed to get top billing when you Google for "Jew." Google has posted an apology if this is what you find while searching, but has stated they cannot change the findings without compromising the validity of their process. Or something.

Apparently, as a web-publisher guy, I can help a bit by linking to this site. If enough people link to it, and I say Jew on my website, it may help derail the hate group. I have no idea if this will work or help or not, but you have to try, right? So, here I link to the definition of Jew.

Some ABC affiliate stations now refuse to play tonight's upcoming Nightline installment featuring the names and photographs of the soldiers who have died in Iraq.

Says Koppel, "I didn't expect that. I thought it would get attention, but did I think it would become so controversial, did I think that people would feel the need to question the patriotism of those who are putting it on the air? Did I think that it would descend to the depths of some people suggesting we were doing this because the networks are going into a sweeps period when ratings become important? You start to wonder after a while. I've been doing 'Nightline' for over 24 years, I've been at ABC for 41 years, if that's really the impression I've left with people then I have failed in such a colossal way that I can't even begin to consider the consequences of it."

Last night when I was going to bed, I turned off the light and then turned on a flashlight to try and be funny and surprise Jamie. No go on surprising Jamie.

However, Mel (who likes to sleep by the foot of our bed) suddenly began scrambling around, terrified out of his mind by the flashlight.

My dog is afraid of flashlights.

Melbotis + flashlight =

ba-KAWK!!!!

Hurray! Travis Mays returns to UT!

I used to think this guy was the bee's knees.

Folks trickling in from Jim D's site: I welcome you and apologize in advance.

I also apologize for all the type-o's. My mum's a teacher, and she'd be sad if she thought you believed I cannot spell.

For those of you who don't know Jim, I went to college with Jim D. This is a photograph of Jim in his swankier college days.

Superman #204 hit the stands yesterday, and I can't encourage Loyal Leaguers enough to get on board Superman with this issue.

Holy cats.

I had been very excited by the previews DC had posted on their website, but the preview doesn't actually show what's in #204. Sure, the dialogue is the same for the first two pages, but it's actually different art. It's a greater establishing shot. I'm kind of curious to know what happened and if the art will turn up again... But who cares. Superman #204 rocked my socks off in a way the other two (very nicely done) relaunches have failed to do.



Brian Azzarello is better known for his crime-fiction, and the story will be the largest "whodunit?" in comics in a long time. Indeed, while Superman was lending a hand to Kyle Rayner Green Lantern a million miles from home, something happened back on Earth. Superman returned to discover that about 1 million people were missing. Just gone. Among the missing was Lois Lane, intrepid reporter for The Daily Planet and wife to Superman.

Anyway, the story has almost no action. It's a huge prelude of things to come. But the art is phenomenal, and the writing is excellent.

You can wait 18 months for the collection to be released, or you can jump on-board now. I know what I'd do.

Speaking of Green Lanterns... Looks like Hal Jordan will officially be DC's boy in green once again. I like John Stewart, myself... But that's mostly based on only the cartoon of Justice League and a brief run called Cosmic Odyssey and a few good issues of Joe Kelley's JLA. We'll see what happens.

An old co-worker of mine was just accepted to the Cannes Film Festival...

Karen Skloss and I worked together at the Instructional Media Lab (now the FIC) at the University of Texas. She was lead editor and cinematographer on a few of our projects while I was there. I knew she had talent, but I am ashamed to now admit we got into a row or two over editing decisions. Clearly, she is now more in the right than I. Karen, wherever you are, I am sorry i wanted that pan shot cut.

Karen is an A+ kind of person, and I am thrilled to hear about her success.

Irony of ironies... Karen is not a grad student in the RTF department. She's a Fine Arts grad.

UT RTF let's one more slip away....

Further proof that we are two nations separated by a common language... just read the headline my friends.

The article is very interesting, too. Thanks to my wife for the link.

Today is the 4th Anniversary of my wedding to Jamie McBride Steans.

We got married on a lovely Friday afternoon in South Austin under the watchful eye of many of our friends and loved ones and some random friends of my parents. Jamie was amazingly lovely, and the whole thing mostly went off without a hitch.

Here's to four great years of me being the luckiest guy on earth.