MIRACLE MONDAY

I took out the Miracle Monday image. For some reason it's been totally causing problems with loading the page.

Apparently today is Miracle Monday. Miracle Monday has disappointingly little to do with Mel Brooks or even Gregory Hines. Rather, Elliot S! Maggin wrote a Superman comic which took place in the future (let's say in 5902), and followed up with a "novel" which you can buy online. Miracle Monday is kind of like Passover, except instead of waiting for a prophet, you set a place at your table for Superman to show up. In the year 5902 crime, war, poverty and poor hygiene have all been eradicated thanks to Superman's influence in the 21st Century, but Superman disappeared, so he's supposed to be returning on "Miracle Monday." Like, you know, Passover or Easter or Festivus or something.

Okay, I like my comics, but this is kind of creepy even to me. Of course I find Groundhog's Day creepy, so obviously it doesn't take much to shake me. Anyhow, Good Miracle Monday, as they say in 5902. Have some nachos and make a plate for the Man of Steel.

Interesting. The BBC and other foreign press have been talking a great to-do about Private Lynch's rescue from an Iraqi hospital. It seems that the actual circumstances of Lynch's liberation are a mystery, wrapped in enigma, smothered in secret sauce. When Lynch was heroically rescued from the Iraqi hospital, CNN and other sources stated that a diversionary force was sent in, and was under fire. BBC says now that possibly things may have not been quite as heroic as they were portrayed (there have been reports that there was no actual firefight and possibly blanks were used). From my personal recollection of the video footage, I recall gunfire in the background, but I'm also as reliable as a Firestone tire, so take that as you will. Also, note the dismissive farewell the US anchor drops at the end of the interview.

Ever since CNN ran a story about how the photos Bush used at the UN of nuclear basis in Iraq were fakes, I've been a bit jittery.

Sometimes I miss Hoover.

It was only a matter of time...

And in an amazing bit of restraint for Hollywood, I was amazed to read this very candid explanation today of why the Mr. Show movie "Run, Ronnie, Run" had never been released.

I've added a new phrase to my vocabulary: Recreational Shopping. It's something I've done for years, but Arizona has brought out the bored consumer within me. Today's little spree ended in the purchase of two new screwdrivers (I lost my standard flathead and philips... most curious), a pack of scredriver heads for my power-drill (all Craftsman, of course), and a package of blue socks (from Target). I think I got away okay this time, and I actually needed all of these items (well, the screwdriver heads I might need one day in the future...). Past excursions have ended in the purchase of Playstations, metal cats, and a remote controlled car that runs into a robot with the push of a button.

It finally broke 100 degrees this weekend in The Valley of the Sun. When I moved here last June 1st and it was 104 degrees, I kept asking everyone "when will it end?" "Sometime around Halloween," they'd say, and the week of Halloween it cooled off. Since then, everything's been peachy. But no longer. Sol took to the sky and began cooking my chubby little innards around Thursday afternoon. I now have the next 5 months to stew in my own juices. Mel was devastated by the change, and keeps forgetting it's hot out. He runs outside, then immediately returns to the door. It's going to be a long summer.

On Friday I am returning to Houston for a whirlwind trip in which I will be celebrating my mother's retirement. She's taking a well-deserved break after teaching public school for the past 30 years. The actual start date is earlier, but she took a few years off to give birth to my brother and myself, and to ensure her littercould read as well as bone and skin our own kills. She received her degree from Northern Michigan University and her masters from Univ. of Florida. Her first job in Florida coincided with the desgregation of schools in Florida, and her final job has been teaching a bunch of little goobers at Kaiser Elementary in Klein ISD, Texas. I salute my mum for putting up with the world's second most thankless job (after Distance Learning manager, which I ASSURE you is a labor of love and not money). She's a hell of lady, and she's seen more kids learn their ABCs than you can shake a stick at. My old man, being the capitalist raider he is, has been kept from becoming a corporate monster by her good deeds in the classroom and for the other 6 hours a day of job-related hoo-hah she's done for the past thirty years. I am proud to say that this year she won the award for Teacher of the Year for her school. We should all be so lucky to have a teacher like my mom. Unless it's the middle of July, and you're on the porch doing math homework assigned to "keep you frosty until school starts" while all the neighbor kids are watching the A-Team and enjoying ice cream.

If you'd like to e-mail my mum to congratulate her on her retirement and to thank her for her tireless work in the classroom, you can do it here: ksteans@kleinisd.net

Texas Democrats in Oklahoma? Anyone wondering why Democrats, or any sane person, would reject the Texas GOP proposed redistricting plans need only look at this map. Whole cities are broken into bizarre chunks to minimize the effects of large groups of voters, areas are wrapped around voting blocks in unnatural curves and coves in order to avoid any potential threat. Yet, somehow, the Panhandle is a solid mass.

If the GOP is this interested in maintaining a majority, they should try actually meeting the needs of their constituents. In the meantime, pillaging whole cities of their ability to fairly elect candidates which represent the constituency is as undemocratic and even unrepublican as voter fraud (thanks, LBJ!). Anyone genuinely interested in serving the public would not feel the need to go to lengths this deceitful. By winning the game at any cost, the GOP threatens to undermine the very fundamentals the game was based upon.

The fallout of this exodus is going to be as hard felt as the ousting of the Republicans at the end of Reconstruction. In order to achieve anything for the remainder of the term, Texas Democrats will have to be prepared for nothing but an uphill battle. They've finally pulled the tiger's tail, but perhaps after 140 years of domination, it's fair to ask them to work for their seats and right to represent.

The Amazing Dedman has pointed me toward an article in the Houston Chronicle about a man who claims to have originally dreamed up American Idol, a concept he claims to have pitched in 1994 to several production companies in the US and Europe. He also claims that he DOES, in fact, have evidence of the pitches and the time at which he made them.

As American Idol is widely known to have originated from a show broadcast in the UK called "Pop Idol" (which also sounds like a creepy breakfast cereal to me), one wonders if there is any truth to the man's claims. The gentleman is asking for $300 million.

You know, I do lay awake at night trying to figure out how to make the big score, and this seems like as good a scheme as any. But here's the deal, kids... when you start making any money, someone is always going to want a piece of you and your fortune. Someone is always going to be trying to make a grab. If you get rich, do it low profile.

Somehow I have offended the gods.

Almost everyday now I get a spam/ junk e-mail about getting a new septic tank. I've never looked for a septic tank online, I don't live where I can use a septic tank, and frankly, I don't think I'd buy one online anyway. I think, like buying shoes, it's something you need to feel out for yourself before you purchase it.

At least e-mails offering me porn would be interesting, but I don't get those. No, I get offered great deals on septic tanks and "male enhancement."

In the "Why Does God Hate Me?" category, the boobs running Warner Bros. pictures are apparently so distracted by The Matrix franchise, that a legion of 14 year old girls has seized the production offices and is making ridiculous demands.

while just a rumor, superherohype.com is reporting that Justin Timberlake of N'Sync is up for the role of Superman in the upcoming and ultimately doomed Superman feature film franchise. I hate Warner Bros. today. Seriously. Why is this being allowed to happen?

I understand that LA is a town in which creative decisions are made for business reasons and a lot of weird things can happen, but I think it doesn't take a genius to know that Justin Timberlake is not the first person to spring to mind when Superman casting is mentioned. This is not creative casting or even stunt casting. This rumor indicates a sad grab at dollars from 14 year old girls. The irony being that this will alienate pretty much any male between 16 and 80. Hollywood must be quite the wonderbubble to live in. Imagine a world where you might actually consider making this casting decision.

I am sure this is a rumor gone awry, but it highlights the fact that the Superman movie project is so out of control that anything is possible. From prior reports of their casting selection, the script must be focusing on a juvenile version fo the character, which is completely crazy based on the current and successful version of a Young Superman in the WB's own Smallville. Tom Welling, who plays young Clark Kent is twice TImberlake's size, and has established himself.

Someone needs to tell them not to make this movie until the stupid level gets turned down a notch.