One of my favorite parts of American Beauty is when Lester Burnham speechifies upon how great it was to be 18 and flip burgers and have random sex all summer long. Yep, life was easier before taxes, loans and house payments, and there's no small part of everyone who wishes they could go back to a point where straightening their room and keeping socks off the floor were life's biggest worries.

But let's be honest, it's great because it was a long time ago, and it's fun to remember that stuff, but it's not exactly a high benchmark for achievement. High school is a fairly stupid place where you get herded around and have to go see a "tardy lady" if you're late. You can't even just call in sick, you have to have a doctor or parent verify you were sick, and if you run in a hallway, you can wind up in something called "detention." It's a really stupid place to be and it has nothing to do with college, let alone an actual professional life. But not everyone seems to think so...

Last night I stumbled upon a new syndicated program utilizing the grim tools of Jenny Jones and BLind Date and possibly any stalker movie you might have seen. The show is called Classmates (sponsored by, apparently, Classmates.com), and it's a reality show wherein two people are asked to see one another for the first time since college or high school.

Sounds harmless enough, but the two reunions I witnessed last night reminded me of why I am foregoing the Klein Oak Class of '93 reunion which is to be held later this summer. Here's a hint, kids: If high school was THAT great that you MUST return to those golden years by way of rekindling a relationship (on television, no less) which has been petrifying for around 10 years, it's time to re-examine your current lifestyle. I don't really remember high school all that well anymore, and playing Memory with name tags and what could only be vaguely embarassing details could only end in tears.

When the show works, I guess as much as it's GOING to work, it kind of makes you sad. Last night's episode ended with two people who hadn't seen one another in 9 years GETTING ENGAGED within an hour of seeing each other. That's not sweet. That's creepy and wrong. It wasn't just one person who felt the need to go running back to a time when things were easier, it was two people desperately running from the lives they've created. Or it was really sweet. Ah, i dunno. I was hoping to see someone confront a bully, so maybe if I tune in tonight, i'll get to see that. Of course, I know if I ever get called, it's going to be some random person I don't remember wanting to get back at me for cutting in line at the snack machines, so I need to be prepared.

Here's hint #2 from your old Uncle Ry: If a syndicated television program calls you and tells you somebody wants to surprise you on television, do not go. Instead, alert the police. It's probably a better, safer alternative. I've watched my fair share Springer, and now with Classmates, I am fairly certain it can only end in disaster. Do you really want to know somebody has been thinking about you (and only you) for so long that they've recruited a TV show to track you down? That's not romantic. Kids, that's stalking. So, if you're thinking of using the show to finally tell Mary Sue or Todd or whomever about your crush, I implore you to reconsider. It's better to imagine what could be than to look like a jerk on syndicated television.

onto me

Are my parents on to me? Have they, indeed, found the League of Melbotis web log? It's not that there's confidential information on my site. There's a strange item in my sitemeter. Somebody found the site from rr.com looking only for "Melbotis."

My parents love my dog and my wife as much or more than they love me, so anything centering around Melbotis would have to be fairly attractive to them. I have to assume that when my traitorous brother vacationed with my folks in San Diego last week, he might have spilled the beans and given them a place to keep tabs on me and the dog.

Mom, Dad... I am on to you.

Jim has complained that I have not blogged today. I will ignore Jim's low frequency in blogging, and instead, turn you toward these wonderful pieces by Miguel Calderon. THese are the paintings which appeared in Eli's home in The Royal Tenenbaums.

Jim's brief mention on Andrew Sullivan's blog landed him with around 12,500 hits or something last time I checked (he totals in approaching 15,000 as of now). This will forever skew his Sitemeter averages, but it also brings up an interesting point about blogging.

Jim didn't say anything in his article that wasn't true, nor did he really say anything inflamatory or even pass judgement on Ann Coulter. So the reaction he got was pretty venemous.

This, folks, is why I don't have a "Comments" section on my page. I have an e-mail address, and everyone is entitled to their opinion, and you're free to contact me about anything at any time. But I also don't want The League to become a place where people get to publicly lambast me or my dog. Especially with the kind of juvenile rantings reserved for online "talkback" areas and E! television.

Anyway, the troubling part is wanting to lash back at people acting all crazy and irrational, but what are you really going to say to change their minds? I enjoy a little political debate; it keeps you honest and keeps the old gears freshly oiled. Hence, you may notice Jimbo and I will take potshots at one another from time to time, and occasionally there are e-mails which go back and forth for quite a while (he hates puppies and grandmas! I simply will not let it stand!). But if you can't try to be logical or at least reasonable about sentiment, then it's not worth it. Nobody ever changed anybody's mind by screaming at them.

On the other side of tall of this, with 12,000+ hits today, he only got, really, two or three really negative comments, which means he probably had a lot of readers who enjoyed what he had to say. Blogging. it's like MAGIC!

Mel and I have started doing walkies at 5:00am. It's the only time we can go. It's 111 degrees during the days here now. Stupid desert.

Today Jim D. es muy popular. Jim's review of Ann Coulter's Univ. of Michigan Law Review was cited on Andrew Sullivan's blog/ web site and overnight, Dedman's popularity has soared. It's my personal ambition to run Jim for office one day, as long as I get to be the man behind the man and enjoy the kickbacks and hookers which will inevitably fall into our laps, so I am personally delighted when Jim gets attention of this sort.

His hits are pushing around 9000, and I would bet he hits 10,000 in the foreseeable future. Jim didn't exactly eviscerate Ann Coulter (nor was that his goal), but reviewed her review of some SCOTUS hoo-hah. Most of Jim's post was over my head as I have a serious learning diasability which causes me to tune out anything not involving capes or robots. I think, from Jim's desc. that Coulter's review meant that you shouldn't share your porn collection with minors. Well, hellloooooo internet. Had only you been there for me at age 14. Stupid Circle K clerk.

Ann Coulter's cult of personality is a truly bizarre thing. She says things which are totally crazy, and there is a segment of the population which is buying into her brand of fascism. Note the Comments which follow Jim's posting and see what I mean.

Anyone can get a following no matter how ridiculous they are.

Coulter is the kind of boogeyman we ridicule in movies and television. These sort of folks are usually the source of a trememndous amount of comeuppance in fiction, but as history will detail, usually end holding office. The tough question is: how much do you just ignore Coluter and hope she goes away, and how much do you watch your own back? Her latest book, the one getting all the press, is called "Treason" which basically states that anyone not in line with Coulter's view of a hyper-conservative America is treasonous. Yo-kay. We're all entitled to our opinion and 1st Amendment rights. But Treason is an executable offense. Does Ann Coulter want anybody not agreeing with her to be executed? They have a name for that sort of arrangement.

I haven't read Treason or Slander, and I don't really plan to. I'm pretty sure I got the gist of what she's after in a few minutes on CNN and Fox News. Short of calling Coulter bat-shit crazy, one has to wonder... It's one thing to have a single nutjob running about quite literally lionizing Sen. McCarthy, it's quite another to be able to make a mint off of selling books in which this is a major topic of discussion. Clearly my gauge for what the book reading American public wants to believe in is horribly miscalibrated. What is living in the American zeitgeist that drives us at one another with such vitriol?

I would suggest you read up on Coulter as much as possible instead of assuming anyone that blonde and skinny couldn't be all bad. She's a creepy, creepy person.

eye see

well, my eye went back to normal, and within moments, I got me a migraine. Apparently the effect I was having in my left eye was the oft described pre-migraine lights folks sometimes see. The headache is mostly gone now. But I have to admit to being a little proud of myself for treating it with three Tylenol and crawling under my desk and falling asleep for nearly an hour. Thank you, George Constanza. You are truly a beacon of hope unto us all.

Oh, and thank you, Randy for forwarding this to me.