I'd like to get excited about this story in CNN (sent to me by my beautiful wife, Jamie), but I read Flash comics, and everyone knows that you don't want a monkey getting any extra sensory powers.




Gorilla Grodd prepares to warp your mind with his mento helmet and The Laser Pointer of Oblivion

Okay, folks... this week our Halloween Contest will draw to a close and sometime next week I will announce the winner. It's not too late to get your votes in for what you believe is a movie so scary, upon watching it, I may darn well poop my pants.

Rules for the contest can be found here. Don't forget to include a Snail Mail address for your prize, should you win.


Don't forget, make it creeeeeeeepy

Now a few years back I heard some good things about a movie called The Haunting. I had seen House on Haunted Hill, and I thought that was pretty good. I like kind of schlocky horror films with rubber skeletons and stuff. Associating this with that, I went out and found the 1963 version of The Haunting and settled in.

Hopefully, should you ever see this flick, it will surpass your expectations. It certainly surprised me. It's not all rubber bats and puffs of smoke. Somebody did some real work and figured out how to be genuinely scary.

It will be to the eternal detriment of the original that somebody funded Jan De Bont's Epic Disaster (and this after Speed 2...). A lot of people have seen this "remake" of the 1963 version of The Haunting, and based upon the travesty they may have witnessed, they will never give the original a shot. Which is a shame, because I've seen my fair share of scary movies, and this one is probably in my top five.

Almost nothing appears in the way of special effects in the 1963 version... Rather, sound design, lighting, convincing acting and a sound script work together to convey the aura of horror. There are no badly animated ghosts. No superimposed illusions. For people who are deadly tired of horror movies relying on CG these days (and becoming, by default, supernatural action movies), this movie may be a good outlet for you.

THe 1999 version had it's good points. I think Lili Taylor tried as hard as she could to save that movie, despite the bad direction, hoaky CG and performances by Liam Neeson and Zeta-Jones that looked like they were constantly plotting their next snack break instead of the scene... Poor woman kind of disappeared after that movie, didn't she..?


Claire Bloom and Julie Harris hear something creeeeeepy in the hallway...

The 1963 version is a classic "have to spend the night in a haunted house" movie, but it does it well. And, sure, it's an early 60's movie, so there are some stylistic issues and whatnot, but Robert Wise directed The Sound of Music shortly after this film, and so one can imagine that they don't exactly have a slacker at the helm.

Anyway, this is my official entry into my own Halloween Contest.

I'm going to go out on a limb here, and I'm not just trying to be contrary, but I'm not all that sure I'm pumped up to see Kill Bill.

I saw Reservoir Dogs on tape in the summer of 1993, and was duly impressed as any 18 year old with a penchant for violence in their movies would be. I really dug that movie. And I was one of the geeks who got to see Pulp Fiction months in advance of it's release when Tarantino brought the film to Austin for a Q&A. I even offered him a buffalo wing when I had my two second chance at .. actually, I don't know what it was, but for a few seconds I was standing there talking to Tarantino and Linklater all by myself and I ducked out of the conversation after offering Tarantino a buffalo wing (he politely declined). But then the whole Tarantino-is-everywhere thing happened, and while I still like those two movies, I got a little sick of hearing the man's name everywhere for my remaining film school experience.

And Austin is nuts for Tarantino, and he returns the favor, so he's there all the time, and you hear about it all the time... and I was kind of non-plussed by Jackie Brown and Harry Knowles' reviews are usually ridiculous and I'm way burnt out on Lucy Liu and Uma Thurman and... and... And I think that unless someone tells me there's a good story to Kill Bill and not just a lot of fight scenes, I may take a pass.

Somebody, please... I mean, really, if I want to see Kung-Fu, I can see Kung-Fu in a million different varieties and not hope for an homage to do the stuff justice. If I want Samurai action, I've got Kirosawa. But something tells me I'm wrong. Something tells me this movie is going to be all right.

I await word from Randy.

Big news, Leaguers! Melbotis's Mum has surfaced. Jenny "I used to be named Perkins" Vanderpool popped up in my e-mail box! Jenny is an A#1 gal, and an indie film producer of sorts who left her pooch, Mel, in my care when she went to study film in NYC.

Well, she's in Austin now, and the city is damn well lucky to have her back. Mel is happy, too, but he cannot type nor does he know that he is no longer in Austin (I haven't the heart to tell him).

Anyhoo, Jenny's pretty great, so any Leaguers in Austin who know Jenny should e-mail me for contact info.

BTW, was watching a rerun of The Daily SHow from Wednesday night tonight and Steve Colbert ALSO used the Carl Weathers connection. Sigh. I feel like such a hack.

Brian Bentson of "that boy ain't right..." is in Austin, TX for the first time and is creating a travelogue. It's an interesting take from an outsider's perspective and has neat photos of lots of old League stomping grounds.

But he didn't like the BarBQ at the Salt Lick. Clearly, he's not to be trusted...

Dude, what the f**k...?

Does this mean we live in a big beach ball? And if we do, what's outside the beachball.

Science makes my head hurt.

Arnie, good for America?

People, the League is not sure what to make of Arnie being Governor. We're both horrified and giddy, tittilated and exhasperated....

The truth is, I am a huge Arnie fan. I saw both End of Days and The Sixth Day in the theater. I had no doubt that Arnie possesed the charisma to win, but what will he do about water rights? a looming multi-billion dollar deficit? I dunno. BUT, Leaguers... as I say, I love Arnie. I feel like I'm watching an experiment going on, the ultimate reality show. Can you take a guy off the street with lots of activism and a luxurious lifestyle and make him a successful governor? Well, Leaguers... we're going to find out!

The real question is: after Ventura and Arnie, what other Predator star will run for office? Do I hope... do I dream... is it fair to wish upon a star for Carl Weathers! My God... the possibilities are endless... Apollo Creed in 2004!


Arnie and Carl confer about Carl's run in Ohio

And on the continuing thread about Halloween:

RHPT.com has sent me the following, and I think it falls squarely in with TOYS THAT SHOULD NOT BE

Look, I don't really believe children are magical little beings who are full of the future, light and innocence. Mostly i think they're little menaces who can't think ten minutes in advance. As a childless "grown-up", I get sick of not being able to use four letter words everywhere, or being able to wander around nude. It's dumb little kids who make us enforce these rules, and I'll not have it. I'm an American. I should be able to be able to wander out to get the paper butt-naked and cussing a blue streak without the cops coming to get me... I know you agree, Leaguers, but (as I learned) those facists in the City of Chandler Police Department do NOT agree with my viewpoint.

Stupid kids.

Anyway, people deal with their children in many different ways, and Halloween is a prime example. Growing up in Texas, Halloween was a sort of muted affair thanks to the decision fundamentalists made to decry the getting of candy in a clown suit as some form of demon worship. I don't know how these people got onto me, but they must have been reading their Chick Tracts.

At any rate, Randy forwarded this to me today, and I would encourage all Leaguers with kids to jump on this opportunity to turn your kid into a walking nightmare participating in a joke for which they are too young to really understand. Make sure you get that matching Ho costume for your daughters, or the whole theme just won't live up to it's potential.

Returning to the Chick Tracts... Leaguers, I can't encourage you ENOUGH to fully explore the world of Chick Tracts and how the comic format can be used to freak people's shit. Cartoonist/ Nutjob Jack Chick prints these tiny comics you're supposed to hand out to people you see them committing a sin (such as those little sinners who are going trick or treating...). After reading the tract and realizing the vile implications of the sin (or the unbelievably horrible fate which could await those committing the sin), these people are to come to their senses and, i guess, read more Chick tracts.

Chick really has it in for gays and Halloween, and loves Jews, but isn't so crazy about Catholics.

Yes, it's a topsy, turvy world of moral relativism when one really delves into the working mind of Mr. Chick.

As if Hell wasn't enough of a punishment (I personally am not looking forward to all the tooth gnashing...) many of the tracts also have a fate in mind which Jack Chick has, himself, dreamed up that he would appear to like to visit upon the sinner. More impressive is the occasional unfortunate circumstance which has only a tangentially causal relationship to the sin which could be easily avoided and allow for a long future of sinning (see Halloween tract...).

Any description I share with you doesn't really do the tracts justice, but I invite you to explore the site in it's entirety. If nothing else, his assumptions about other people and how they tick leads one to believe Jack Chick has spent his years confined to a small basement with a single light bulb wherein he produces each one of the tracts by hand in an ink made of his own blood (instead of allowing for the sin of photocopying).

Anyhoo, he suggests you get a stack to hand out as Halloween gifts to Trick or Treaters, so I plan to mix those in with my Smarties so the kids can have fun and go to bed weeping and emotionally scarred.

Oh, and Halloween Apple Jacks are just gross. Took a perfectly good cereal and added those little sugar cake toppers to it as far as I can tell.