Jim writes:

Dear Melbotis,

Are we just subject to the whims of the fates, or is there free will?

Dear Jim

Mel think about question and he puzzle over for many hour. But Mel think that Mel wake up when radio come on in bedroom, and Mel cannot go potty until alarm go off in bedroom. And Mel not able to open glass door to backyard. So mel must wait for chubby boy-man to open back door. Once in yard, Mel may go pee pee, or Mel may lay in grass and chew on foot. And sometime Mel allowed into house all day where mel sleep on couch, and other time, Mel not allowed on couch. And still other time, Mel stuck outside. But never Mel decision. mel suspects correlation between rain and sunshine, but not quite figure out yet.
Sometime chubby man say "get your fat ass outside!", but Mel just stand and stare at him until chubby man say "Oh, screw it. Now you're stuck inside."
But inside and outside, mel know he have rule to follow. But sometime Mel cannot help Melself, like when Mel inside too long and must pee. mel must pee on carpet. othertime, mel outside and stupid neighbor dog bark at fence, so Mel bark bark bark bark bark until neighbor dog go away. Then cubby man stick head out door and say "Mel! Knock it off, man!" But then stupid neighbor dog coem jump up fence and bark bark bark so Mel bark bark bark... stupid neighbor dog. THen chubby man stick head out door and say "All right, smart guy... get in here!" and Mel must go inside.
Stupid cat does whatever cat want and nobody seem to care.



Jim also writes:

Dear Melbotis,

Is this as good as it gets?

Dear Jim,

Sometime after Mel been dirty for long time, chubby man comes around and says "Get in the tub." And then he point at tub, so I get in tub, and then it kind of wet and cold and slippery, but when Mel come out, Mel is wet. So then white lady is screaming "get outside! get outside!" and chubby man laughs and laughs and laughs. And then Mel wet for a while. But then warmsunshine dry mel off, and man shows up with brushy thing, gives Mel treat and brush Mel, and that as good as it gets.

Okay, confession time, Leaguers. I collect action figures. I know. It's totally nerdy, but it's my obsession and it falls in with me being an even bigger nerd than just a comic collector.

Sigh. Okay. Everyone cool? No.? Shut up.

because I need your help.

I can't find frikkin' Killer Croc anywhere. He's a Batman villain, and Mattel recently released a toy of Killer Croc, but due to the way the toy industry works, Croc has been "short packed". This means that if a store gets a crate of Batman toys, it will have, like, 5 "Fightin' Ninja" Batmans, 5 "Neon Pantsuit" Batmans, 4 "Undersea Clambake" Batmans, and then one "Killer Croc". Apparently only collectors buy the villains, so toy companies short change the stores in every box. This sounds like hogwash to me. I had every Imperial Trooper I could get my hands on when i was a kid. I think they're mistaking dumb, lame villains not selling for villains not selling. Anyhow, end rant...

Here's what Killer Croc looks like. If you see him, let me know. Finding Mr. Freeze was next to impossible, but I did it. I know if we work together, Killer Croc is mine!!!!!

You know, sometimes it's just easier to just put down the crackpipe than get taken in by things like this...

An attorney i know tells me two of his clients were busted using this self-same device.

Bird Bird Bird, she drops the F-Word! On NAZIS!!!!

thanks to Jim.

Powell's admission here is something which makes him all the more human, and we must love him for it.

I, too, once hated the French. But then along came my own personal Frenchman. His name was Abtine, and he was a very confused Frenchman newly arrived to the United States. I hired him as a student worker (despite the fact he had shown up at my office by mistake while looking for a job at a completely different university office).

"I like the cut of your jib, Frenchy!" I told him. "And you don't smell as bad as advertised!"
Abtine had no idea what i was talking about, just smiled politely and took the job.
"Your people are a smelly, diagreeable people!" I told him.
"Oh?" he would say.
"Yes! Smelly and disagreeable. Yet they make a nice Statue of Liberty, and I enjoy croissants! Explain!"
"I do not know!"
"We'll figure it out together, Frog-man!"
And so we did.
And I came to love my little Frenchman, so full of the joie de vivre was he!
When he went home, he brought me back a nifty snowglobe of the Eiffel Tower. I had provided him with a portrait of him that he could show to his mother.
"Notice the baguette in one hand, Frenchy! And the glass of wine in the other! I've also added a curly mustache, although you do not have one."
"Perhaps I should grow one."
"I think we'd all like that. Get to it."
We gave Abtine a new nickname as "Frenchy" only partly covered who he really was, and so he became "Titine (Tee-Teen), the Frenchman."
Titine came to love this wonderful country of ours, and I came to understand not all Frenchman are smelly ingrates. Especially not my Titine. I miss him so.

when students fail to grasp the concept of tenure...

Randy Writes:

Why would Superman need a supermobile? Isn't he already super without a car? I can understand Batman's need for a batmobile and a batplane, but Superman? Isn't a Supermobile just plain redundant?


-Randy

Why, yes Randy. I actually had a toy of the Supermobile when I was a wee tot, and I asked myself these very same questions... And I remember my brother saying "Dummy..." (He always started with "Dummy"). "Dummy," he said, "What if he has to fly into an asteroid field full of Kryptonite?"

Ahhhhh...., I thought. Bullshit.

Anyway, it seems Corgi toys wanted to make a Superman themed toy, but they did pretty much just vehicles. So they thought up something Superman could use, because a car seemed REALLY impratical for the Man of Steel. What I remember about the tiny toy is that it had little chormed fists that shot out with the push of a button. Ah, the Supermobile.