A Eulogy for Ninja-Boy

Friend, Conversation Piece, Goldfish

Ninja-Boy, goldfish of the Amazing Steanso, was found floating, pectorals up, this morning. I have decided to eulogize Ninja-Boy in the way most befitting. By quoting Spock's Eulogy by Kirk from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.

We are assembled here today to pay final respects to our honored dead.

And yet, it should be noted, that in the midst of our sorrow, this death takes place in the shadow of new life, the sunrise of a new world, a world that our beloved comrade gave his life to protect and nourish. He did not feel this sacrifice a vain or an empty one, and we will not debate his profound wisdom at these proceedings. Of my friend, I can only say this...

Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most -

human.


GODSPEED, NINJA BOY.

Mrs. League here.

In honor of Valentine's Day, I urge you to not allow your loved ones to eat this. The Hamdog.

Leaguers, this is the most disgusting item of 'food' I have ever seen. A brief description:

"a hot dog wrapped by a beef patty that's deep fried, covered with chili, cheese and onions and served on a hoagie bun. Oh yeah, it's also topped with a fried egg and two fistfuls of fries"

Bleargh.


I would also like to wish the League a Happy Valentine's Day. He is truly the bestest husband in the world! Thanks for a wonderful Valentine's Day weekend!

Happy Valentine's Day, Leaguers!

Jamie and I sort of already had Valentine's Day over the weekend. Sorry, Jamie. No big surprises today.

We went and saw the travelling show of The Lion King, which was much better than you would think it would be. After the fiasco we had going to the theater last time, I was feeling a bit nervous about going to the show once again, but it all panned out just fine. Leaguers, it's the circle of life, and it moves us all.

Jamie and I will probably stay in and eat sandwiches for Valentine's Day dinner. I'm not sure if that's romantic, but that's what I've got planned.

If you want to read up on what Valentine's Day is (aside from one of very few holidays that involves both the name of a Saint and occassionally the exchanging of saucy underwear), you can check out the History Channel's web-site here.


A scene from the early stages of Mr. and Mrs. League's relationship.

It's Krypto week here at The League.

Who is Krypto?

Back in the Silver Age of comics, the editors at DC Comics did not want the worlds of their characters growing boring. So, legend has it, the editors literally asked their young children and nieces and nephews for ideas from time to time. They'd ask, "So, you read these Superman comics I leave about. What would it be neat if Superman could do?"

The legend goes on to say that the kids eventually decided it would be neat if Superboy could have a dog of his own. See, Leaguers, you may think the WB's Smallville was the only place we've ever seen Clark Kent come into his own, but for years and years, Superboy had his own comic series (Adventure Comics) in which he saved the citizens of Smallville from various menaces.

So it came to pass that the readers learned that Superboy's father, Jor-El, was no chump. He had not sent his son off into space in an untested rocket. In fact, Jor-El had built a test rocket and launched it into space, manned with the family dog. Sort of a Laika from Krypton deal.

Anyhoo, Krypto's rocket was knocked off-course, but did, eventually, find its way to earth some time after Clark Kent had put on his long johns and taken to patrolling the greater Smallville metroplex from 2000 feet.



Post-Crisis, Krypto disappeared from DC Comics, written off as too silly or too outlandish for comics which are supposed to take themselves seriously. But you can't keep a good dog down, and when Jeph Loeb got involved with Superman comics around 2000, he wanted to bring back Krypto (along with a lot of Superman's Silver-Age Sci-Fi kookiness).

And while it drove some comics fans INSANE that Superman would once again have a super-powered dog, Loeb reintroduced Krypto. Why does Krypto drive comic nerds nuts? A lot of comic fans somehow perceive their favorite art form isn't taken seriously, and believe this will change if folks understand that they only read comics about kick-ass guys like, say, Wolverine or The Punisher, or other characters who stab people a lot. Flying dogs with heat vision don't fall into that picture terribly well.

But some readers really enjoyed Krypto, and a lot of folks working in Hollywood also still like the idea.

And so, Krypto is coming to television in two new forms!

On March 25th (a day which is important for some other reason, but I cannot recall why...) Krypto is coming to Cartoon Network as part of a new all-Krypto animated series. From these publicity pictures, it appears Ace The Bat-Hound is also joining the club.



Reuniting Superboy with Superdog, Smallville on the WB! is featuring an episode this Wednesday entitled "Krypto". Not exactly sure what the episode is about, but here's a picture of a guest-star.

Like everyone else, film majors like to lie about on sunny days casting imaginary movies. Years ago on just such a day, The League's film school pal, Justin L, suggested Seinfeld co-creator Larry David for a Spider-Man film. As whom?

Why, The Vulture, of course.

Could Justin L.'s prophecy be coming true?

In case you missed it, Randy recently posted a photo of myself and Mrs. League on his site.

It's that time again kids (because we've got a lot of territory to cover)...

It's time for...

DAMES IN THE MEDIA THE LEAGUE ONCE DUG

Instead of trying to do this in chronological order, I'm going to stick with a mystery theme to be revealed later (see if you can figure it out!).

This time around, The League investigates Knight Rider phenom Bonnie Barstow as portrayed by Patricia McPherson.


The lovely Patricia McPherson as Bonnie Barstow, world's greatest Jiffy-Lube employee.

Bonnie came into my life a few years on from Wonder Woman, when, I believe, I was maturing quite nicely in my taste in Dames. No longer did twirling seem to be such an attractive trait in a woman. Well, it was still important, but not as important.

So what did Bonnie have?

1) Bonnie didn't fall for Michael's nonsense. Sure, I loved Knight Rider, too, but I always thought Michael was sort of creepy. He showed more chest hair than I wanted to look at as an eight year old boy, and he usually spent the duration of most shows making goo-goo eyes at the dame of the week. And he was nice enough to Bonnie, and maybe a little flirty, but a) she didn't have badly frosted early 80's hair so Michael would never take her seriously, anyway, and b) she wasn't interested in his nonsense. You never once saw Bonnie show the slightest interest in Michael. No interest in creepy guy? Already I could feel the pitter-patter of my heart.

2) Hey, I was eight. I could not have cared less about Michael Knight's trials and tribulations. In fact, if the show had been about KITT and Dom DeLuise, I would have tuned in week after week just the same. For me, Knight Rider was about the Knight Industries Two-Thousand. And who was the genius behing K.I.T.T.? Bonnie Barstow.


Bonnie has trouble installing KITT's new 8-track.

Yes sir, Michael was just some jack-ass the Knight Foundation sent out there so draw fire away from their billion dollar, AI-infused car. Also, it would have been deeply suspicious if K.I.T.T. were zipping around southern California with no "driver" at the wheel. At the end of the day, those of us who knew the score knew that the Knight Foundation might as well have put a circus monkey in the cabin for all the good Michael did.

But, who had the brains and know-how to keep that car running? Surely not Michael (who was shot in the head in the pilot, as I recall). Nah, It was Bonnie who kept that show running. She was technically inclined and liked to chat it up with the talking car. My kind of lady.


Bonnie chats it up with KITT while replacing the windshield wiper-fluid.


3) They tried to replace Bonnie, and it didn't take. It's totally true. In the 1983-84 season, Bonnie wasn't on the show. I'm not sure why Bonnie bailed on KITT, or why Patricia McPherson wasn't on, but they brought in this sort of blonde woman to try to fill in for Bonnie. Rebecca Holden played fake -Bonnie April Curtis, but April just couldn't fill Bonnie's jumpsuit, and so, the next season, Bonnie triumphantly returned.


The evil, fake Bonnie, April Curtis, whose hair is a magnificent feat of architecture.

4) Bonnie apparently lived in the back of a semi, sort of like the truck in SpyHunter. Not only that, but she lived in the back of a semi which was constantly rolling, always nearby when needed, had every part conceivable to help fix KITT, and was always well-lit and spotlessly clean.

This is not to mention that the interior of the semi seemed to defy the laws of time and space, appearing to be much, much larger inside than outside.

One was, of course, left to wonder if the semi had a driver who had never taken a bathroom break, or if KITT's idiot cousin was up there muttering to himself.

5) No matter what, Bonnie's white jumpsuit always appeared spotless.



Sure, Bonnie had a lot of traits I didn't have at age 8. For example, had I had a white jump suit, it would have had Cheet-o finger stains down the front. But Bonnie was more than just another Jodie from The Fall Guy. Bonnie wasn't just eye-candy, she was also a mechanic and she was smarter than the rest of the morons on that show combined.

So a salute to Bonnie Barstow, finest TV mechanic to ever grace a white jumpsuit.

To read MORE about Bonnie, go here.

Go here to read up on Wonder Woman.