VOTE FOR PEDRO

Not much to report other than my total resentment of Jim's mischaracterization of me as one who would "vote for Summer." If anyone would ever vote for Pedro, surely, it was The League. Alas, KOHS didn't offer much in the way of Pedro's to vote for. But, as I noted to Jim, in high school I mostly voted for Laura Palmer.

I moved high schools and cities between 9th and 10th grade and fell into a position in high school in which I knew absolutely nobody for about a year. In fact, it seems that the only people I knew were in my biology class, of which contained one Madi Q. Hinojosa.

Nonetheless, mere weeks after school began, we were asked to vote on our homecoming court and numerous other items I had neither the knowledge nor the wherewithal to answer. And unlike the school I'd come from, people at this new school seemed to be taking all of this deadly seriously. The election was pretty traditional, and was NOT for President (as that took place in the Spring). But it all seemed to serious. They actually took us out of class for the election. I won't even get into the attempt at a "recall vote" for our Homecoming Court my senior year.

So I voted for Laura Palmer.

I voted for Laura Palmer as often as I could for the next few years, any time there was a fill-in the blank, or nominate your choice of candidates. Sure, Laura was dead. Sure, she was wrapped in plastic. But at least I knew who she was, and I had an inkling of what I could expect from her.


It's always important to vote for the candidate who has the most to offer...

I don't really remember much about elections except that a fellow drama-kid, Abby, ran. And she was more or less a Summer. Abby asked me to help out with her campaign in exchnage for her dad's roller-skates. As I couldn't apparently avoid being part of the process, I was very excited to be part of the problem.

I agreed to run about during her speech and hand-out "Abby Dollars". This was our high concept. False bribery. So, during the speech I attempted a back flip, which turns out to be a lot more difficult than you'd think, even if you really, really believe in yourself.

Abby won, but I couldn't tell you why. She gave exactly the same speech as the girl who came after her. She made the same irresponsible pledges and the same asinine observations as Candidate B. Maybe Abby was taller. I don't know. I don't think the Abby Dollars did it, and The League's failed acrobatics mostly just illicted a collective empathetic inhalation as The League struck the gym floor.

I didn't vote for Abby, but I didn't vote for Laura Palmer, either. The election was performed on scantron sheets. I don't recall voting at all.

I never did get those roller-skates.

Here is the official KOHS web-page for my class. It is a list of people who got elected for things. I think, you know, in another twenty years, we're all going to be so proud we took time to think, I mean... really, really think about who had the best hair.

Enough.

Anyway, we didn't do much this weekend as we needed to clean the house, get oil changes, take Jamie to the eye doctor, blah, blah, blah. Ryan and Trisha came over and brought young Isaac, who is mostly a set of eyes and 19 pounds of rock and roll. That kid is going places. I can already tell.

Meanwhile, Lucy continues to grow at an alarming rate. She's getting bigger, and she's getting used to our routine, to some extent. I am trying to teach her to "sit." It started today. I press down on her butt until she sits, then I say "Sit!", I give her a treat, and then I give her a tiny hug. Then we do it all over again. I strongly suspect she has no idea what is happening.

Mel and Lucy's relationship continues to evolve. Today I watched her run up to him while he was lying in the grass. About two feet before she reached him, she went airborne and planted herself flatly in his face. Shortly afterward, Mel rolled on his side, picked her up in his paws, flipped her all the way over and body slammed her. I need a chart to demonstrate how this happened, but I assure you, it did happen.

Our place here at the end of civilization is now becoming suburbia.

The cows moved sometime in the last week. Our cows are gone, vanished without so much as an adios. While I will miss being able to see a herd of dairy cows at any time, I will not miss the stench of cows becoming so powerful that I think I am going to throw up if I want to walk the dog in the morning. I do not know what became of our cows. They have moved on to greener pastures.

This, and in what was a sprawl of desert between us and Tucson now has a Target, a Subway and a Dress Barn. While all of these things are assuredly depressing to be surrounded by and to get excited by, it's no longer bleak nothingness as far as the eye can see. And that's got to count for something.

So, quick informal discussion question.

Magneto: Republican, Democrat, Green Party, LaRouche Democrat, Bull Moose or Libertarian?


So Ally McBeal WAS underrated...!

FRIENDS OF THE LEAGUE AT SXSW

The League isn't going to be in Austin next week, but some of his chums are.

Here's a League checklist of events:

1) Phoenix based "Asleep in the Sea"

This is the band of my employee, Tom. Tom will be rocking the house.

Wednesday, March 16th at 10:00pm at THE HIDEOUT


2) Austin based "Milton Mapes".

One of the guys in Milton mapes married Mel's mother, Jenny. Anyways, it's a chance to see Jenny Perkins, right? Milton Mapes is actually very good. Go see them.

BIGSBY'S, Thursday March 17th.

3) on Sunday March 13th (4:00) and Tuesday March 15th (9:00) at The Hideout, some films Juan Diaz worked on will be shown.

"Playdate" and "Engineering Diversity". Go support Juan, you bastards.

Arden is already on his way to rock star status.

Awesome new career opportunity for The League:

I can't stress enough the importance of spell-check when you're setting up your fake company to try to bilk people out of their money.

Dear Sir / Madam ,

We would like to offer you a colaborator job at our company.

If you can take the time and read this offer please do so. We are a almost recent company based on E-commerce , mostly E-trade services , due to recent E-trade development all over the globe , companies like ours have become necesary for a safe and stress free trade over the WWW ( World Wide Web ). Our mission is to make sure that different transactions , between U.S. and European E-buyers and/or E-sellers , are on a safe spot. We propose to do this thru our "net" of colaborators that each have there own role in our clients transactions.

You are receiving this email from the Development Team of Colaborators Incorporated , this teams role is to hire new colaborators , expanding our colaborator network and taking care of their training.Another important job of the Development Team is to check our future colaborators and to constantly improve our means of hiring and verifying any appliers for the post of colaborator. For the moment our Development Team has created a expanding plan that includes 150 more work places as a colaborator in the U.S. and a 200 more work places as a colaborator in Europe. We will seriously consider any applier for this job due to the high amount of persons needed to fill the 150 places.

So , as a bottom line , if you are interested in making a pretty good profit per month , check our website at www.colabaratorsincorporated.com and see if you find yourself apropriate for this job.

Job Description :You will receive a job larger description if you choose to contact us. As a small description , the job requierements are too have or create a PayPal account, be at least 21 years old, and have the ability to connect to the internet at least 1 hour per day.

The colaborator team that founded this company back in 2003 had 10 people on board, since then the company grew 20 times larger and has successfully closed more than 100.000 transactions world wide.So , if you wish to join this great team please do not esithate.The salary is not fixed , you will receive a percent of each transaction that will be made through you.Job Requirements:Of course , as any job , this job has some requirements , not as many as other job , but still necesary in order to be hired by our company.

Here is the list of requirements:
1. Have a PayPal account and/or be able to create one.
2. To be at least 21 years old.
3. No criminal record.
4. To be able to connect to the internet at least 1 hour per day.

So , if you consider you fulfil the above requierements ,visit our website : www.colabaratorsincorporated.com and apply for this job today.

Thank you for your patience and God bless you.

Colaborators Incorporated ,Development Team Manager ,Karen F Campbell .
Colaborators Incorporated © March 2005

Getting motivated with Spidey!

Marvel is no slouch of a company, and just like DC, they are not shy about plastering the face of Wolverine, the Hulk and Daredevil on just about any item you can imagine.

One sort of good idea is the new line of Marvel motivational posters (for kids, I assume).

These are real. You can check them out here.

Apparently someone in the licensing department flat out either never read a Punisher comic or has a somewhat skewed concept of motivation. Marvel has cancelled orders for the Punisher motivational poster. I am not making this up.

While we're on the subject, it might be pointed out to the higher-ups at Marvel that Wolverine, while universally popular, is pretty much a dude with a few knives who stabs people a lot. I mean, A LOT. More than occasionally, he kills whole castles full of ninjas. I'm just saying, is all...

And isn't Magneto a ruthless villain who kills lots of people...? Marvel's motivational posters are rife with moral ambiguity.

And, hey... isn't that Elektra: Assassin here to spread some motivational sunshine? What? What's that you have to say on "Excellence"?

"Excellence is reserved for those who, even when they fail, do so by doing greatly, so that their place shall never be among those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."


If you are considering raising your child in some sort of Ubermensch fantasy environment, Marvel has your tool kit.

Elektra's message is sort of like, "Try your best", with a twist of "Or your soul shall be condemned to the land of wind and ghosts..."

I tell you what. If I'd had this poster in elementary school, I certainly would have tried harder in the Spelling-Bee.

In the handy world of Photoshop, these are completely made-up. Unfortunately, these posters are probably only funny to geeks.

This is funny, but if you read it, you will go to hell. I am sorry. It's true.

So if you're looking for everlasting peace, do not click on this link.

Thanks to Doug, who is pretty much in trouble, for the link.