everyday we get a little closer to The Diamond Age

Awards shows: Okay, so Jamie was really, really pissed that I painted a picture of her as... how did she put it? "A lady who wears curlers in her hair and watches awards shows and claps and squeals when she sees Jennifer Aniston." I'm sure Beanie Babies would fall in there somewhere in her description, but she didn't mention it.

She claims she doesn't watch the Emmy's all that often (but isn't once enough?), hates the Grammies (sp?), and, i guess the Ace awards. "But," she said "I do watch the Oscars, so piss off, Super-Dork."

I'm not really sure what's swirling around in that little head of hers, but Jamie does have a certain love of entertainment trivia. Mostly she always knows how old celebrities are, even Q-list stars like the weather girl on the Fox NFL Sunday morning report (she's 38ish).

Anyway, sorry if I somehow painted a strange portrait of Jamie's love of all things Hollywood.

I'm heading out of town for a few days, so updates will not occur for a little while. In the meantime, I recommend everybody go visit Laura Maxwell's blog or That Boy Ain't Right, as linked below and to the left. They're fairly new here, and we're pleased to have them.

I watched the first few minutes of the Emmy's Sunday night. I have no idea why. I don't watch Everybuddy Loves Raymond, and I don't have HBO. And when I did have HBO, I rarely watched Sopranos or Sex in the City. Sopranos was too complicated (it was Season 3) and Sex in the City just confused me. I couldn't tell if it was supposed to be funny or sad.

I watched long enough to know Garry Shandling is absolutely no longer funny, and that Doris Roberts was being a bit snooty about receiving her award. Anyway, I'm taking a class, and homework gave me my much desired excuse to escape the TV viewing area.

I hateses the award shows. The wife does not. Award shows make me want to poke my own eyes out, but Jamie seems to really dig watching actors get little statues for TV shows and movies she hasn't bothered to see for herself. I guess I think a $200,000 an episode paycheck should be award enough, but what the hell do I know... nothing! Apparently you should also not only get to stick it to four of your peers, but you get to join the thousands who have come before you to show how inarticulate and self-centered you are without a script or Jay Leno to goad you on.

Speaking of actors, I went to high school with this really nice guy, Jim. I was actually pretty good buddies with Jim's sister, Julie, in high school, and our parents are all pals. Jim is now appearing in a disturbing/ hilarious series of Quizno's commericals in which he remembers being raised by wolves. I was just sitting there watching TV, and up pops Jim. Good for him. Unless there are multiple Jim Parsons running around Hollywood, he's also going to be in a sit-com pilot or series (the article was fuzzy on the details) called Why Blitt? Jim is not Blitt, but a buddy of Blitt, I think. I have no idea what network it's going to be on, but in theory, Jim should be on TV on a regular basis fairly soon. So, I hereby throw the support of the League of Melbotis behind Jim Parsons. Go, Jim.

Only a few entries have trickled in for the Halloween contest, so thanks to those of you who have taken the time out to enter. BTW, by entering Brian B. of Sunny California has also alerted me to his presence. You can find a link to his blog below and on the left.

It also appears that the complete lack of activity on Jim D's blog has nothing to do with him being dead (which he is not!). Apparently, Jim is very busy with having a life which does not allow for endless online navel gazing.

get back to work.

HALLOWEEN CONTEST!!!! DETERMINE THE MOVIE WATCHING FATE OF THE STEANS HOUSEHOLD FOR ONE SPOOKTACULAR EVENING!!!!!



Hey, everybuddy...

I love me some Halloween! It's the one night of the year we can all dress up and fight crime... I mean, be monsters or something... Honestly, it's a chance to get drunk and dress up like Cher, but we don't talk about that incident anymore...

ANYWAY, I just had a GHOULISHLY bad idea. I am going to run a contest in which I allow you good folks to determine what SPOOOOOOOOOOKY movie I watch on HALLOWEEN NIGHT!!!!!

But Ryan, you say, it's the middle of f**king September! Well, Leaguers, that's true enough! But I need to locate and purchase/ rent the movie before All Hallows Eve!



So here's the deal...

All entries will be listed in a laundry list of Halloween Movies that Make Leaguers Scared. The List will be published a few days before Halloween, so you can see what other Leaguers are watching! Hurray! Interactivity!

I will watch 1) the movie with the most votes, and 2) the one for which I receive the best essay on why i should watch this particular Halloween movie.



Rules for entering:

1) Must be a movie which has something to do with the general theme of scary stuff. Does not need to occur on Halloween, and can be a comedy
2) Each movie must be accompanied by a reason why this movie is so awesome, and why it will make me love spooky stuff even more. 1 sentence minimum.
3) You may offer up to 4 entries. Each entry must follow official rules.
4) Only entries I can actually locate via the internet, etc... are really eligible, so sending a link is helpful. E-Bay is not a link.
5) Movies which are really, say, Sci-Fi movies (Spaced Invaders) or Ninja Movies (American Ninja 4) are scary, but in the wrong way. Do not recommend movies which are not SPINE-TINGLING!!!
6) You must include your name and address (in case I decide upon a Halloween Prize!)

I want this movie to be SCARY, folks. I want some real, creepy, scary, Halloween madness.

I am considering a Halloween prize, so I'll let you know what that's going to be.

Greetings, Leaguers...

Not much going on today, but I thought you might appreciate this story...

This is why I send all notes to MY mistress by carrier pigeon.

and now, TOYS THAT SHOULD NOT BE

I don't run TTSNB all that often anymore, as the recurrent theme is: if you have this on the shelf, your chances for having sex will be greatly diminished. This may not be a major issue for much of America's adult toy buying public. I assume either these collectors 1) are unaware that this will diminish their chances for tawdry sex as the toy in question will make their intended nervous and possibly frightened... 2) have given up and know that the chances for any sex actually occuring are next to nil 3) married somebody and THEN sprung the toy thing on them. I more or less went for option 3. It works beautifully.

MacFarlane toys has a knack for realistic portrayals of sports figures, right down to musculature, etc... and for this they should be proud. But you'll never see these toys appear here, because they're kind of cool, and fun and a neat collector's item. But MacFarlane also spawned the absoludicrousness of the Spawn franchise. First a comic, then toys, then an HBO cartoon, and then a movie... Spawn is a high schooler's fantasy of poorly misconstrued mythology, history and religious notions, all wrapped up into a really goofy package and no comprehensible plot.

But the real importance of Spawn is that it allowed it's creator, Todd MacFarlane, to create a toy building franchise. Which brings us to today's topic of MacFarlane's Wizard of Oz toys. Yes, these toys are disturbing, grotesque, and sure to drive PTA mother's to a frothing frenzy... but most of all, one has to wonder... why? What the hell was going down at MacFarlane central when they decided to take a 100 year old story and turn it into a Meatloaf album cover?

Ladies and Gentlemen, please turn your head and do not look, because these are some toys that should not be...


The Lion
The Scarecrow
The Tin Woodsman
The Wizard of Oz
Toto (no, really... this is their Toto...)
and the piece de resistance! Dorothy! (please hide all children before clicking here...)

Now I think it goes without saying that these TTSNB were designed by some dudes who are great sculpters, and who think anything that isn't "hard" is "lame"... and who pretty clearly have some issues with women. I just like to imagine their studios all tweaked out with fading Iron Maiden posters and groovy lights they bought at Spencers.

Hurray, MacFarlane toys. You've taken something perfectly nice and made it stupid.

I have been led to believe I am not supportive enough of my brother's musical interests. I feel badly about this, and so, in his honor, and that of the Mono Monkey Music Experience, I ask that you visit his band's web-site. Which has broken links to the actual musical bits. You can, however, see a lovely painting of what appears to be the surface of the sun.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you: The Monkeying Ensemblage of Musical Mononucleosis