Friday, January 16, 2004
I'm officially "the guy from out of state who won't shut up about his home state." As much as I loathed these people before, i am now one of their ranks.
I think it's that Texas has been my context for 20+ years, and Arizona is kind of... blah. Not much interesting happens here. Nobody is from here, nobody gives a damn about Phoenix as much as the proximity to Sedona, and for the most part, you get the feeling folks weren't that attached to the places they came from in the first place.
I find that, as not one interesting thing has happened since I moved to Arizona, I tend to have to use my past (ie, my stay in Texas) as a reference for all anecdotal points, evidence, storytelling, etc...
So, yesterday, someone was talking about textbooks in public education, and I mentioned how Texas doesn't allow for a proper explanation of evolution in it's textbooks for grades K-12 and the implication for publishers across the country. We drifted off to other topics (including a discussion about Giants, which was kind of fascinating), but somehow ended up on the planets, and were trying to figure out how big Mars is.
"Is it as big as Texas?" someone asked me, rather pointedly.
I kind of laughed, but it suddenly became very, very clear... everyone is sick to death of hearing about how things were in The Lone Star State.
Whether I like it or not, i am still in Arizona. THis fact is not going to change until something drastic occurs. But I also need to respect that for some reason, these people adore this place. And I need to quit looking backward and start looking more at this place and what it has to offer. Arizona is, and can be, many things. I may not like all of them, but I wasn't exactly Little Mary Sunshine about all that went down in Texas, either.
I will henceforth quit referring always to how "it's this way here, but in Texas...", ecause it's dumb and it doesn't matter what they do in Texas (even if it is better).
I think it's that Texas has been my context for 20+ years, and Arizona is kind of... blah. Not much interesting happens here. Nobody is from here, nobody gives a damn about Phoenix as much as the proximity to Sedona, and for the most part, you get the feeling folks weren't that attached to the places they came from in the first place.
I find that, as not one interesting thing has happened since I moved to Arizona, I tend to have to use my past (ie, my stay in Texas) as a reference for all anecdotal points, evidence, storytelling, etc...
So, yesterday, someone was talking about textbooks in public education, and I mentioned how Texas doesn't allow for a proper explanation of evolution in it's textbooks for grades K-12 and the implication for publishers across the country. We drifted off to other topics (including a discussion about Giants, which was kind of fascinating), but somehow ended up on the planets, and were trying to figure out how big Mars is.
"Is it as big as Texas?" someone asked me, rather pointedly.
I kind of laughed, but it suddenly became very, very clear... everyone is sick to death of hearing about how things were in The Lone Star State.
Whether I like it or not, i am still in Arizona. THis fact is not going to change until something drastic occurs. But I also need to respect that for some reason, these people adore this place. And I need to quit looking backward and start looking more at this place and what it has to offer. Arizona is, and can be, many things. I may not like all of them, but I wasn't exactly Little Mary Sunshine about all that went down in Texas, either.
I will henceforth quit referring always to how "it's this way here, but in Texas...", ecause it's dumb and it doesn't matter what they do in Texas (even if it is better).
Thursday, January 15, 2004
A cat owner writes:
Dear Melbotis,
How do you feel about cats? Have you ever met any?
Signed,
A cat owner
Dear A cat owner,
Mel not always live in smelly hot place. Long ago, Mel live with funny girls and they have many, many cat things. Mel would spend countless hour with funny cat things stare at him. Stare and stare. And then Mel go crazy and chase cat until Mel get tired and lay down and one day Mel move in with chubby-boy-thing and white lady. White lady sleeps alot and then gets fired and she is home alot. But not as much home as yellow cat who punch at my head and occasionally bite the tail. The cat stupid and bite the sleepy lady and the lady yell and flap hands and go "Jeff! You little bastard!" and the chubby man quit looking at flicker-box and laugh at lady and cat. Then I go outside.
Dear Melbotis,
How do you feel about cats? Have you ever met any?
Signed,
A cat owner
Dear A cat owner,
Mel not always live in smelly hot place. Long ago, Mel live with funny girls and they have many, many cat things. Mel would spend countless hour with funny cat things stare at him. Stare and stare. And then Mel go crazy and chase cat until Mel get tired and lay down and one day Mel move in with chubby-boy-thing and white lady. White lady sleeps alot and then gets fired and she is home alot. But not as much home as yellow cat who punch at my head and occasionally bite the tail. The cat stupid and bite the sleepy lady and the lady yell and flap hands and go "Jeff! You little bastard!" and the chubby man quit looking at flicker-box and laugh at lady and cat. Then I go outside.
Josh writes:
Dear Melbotis,
When is it okay to play with the lights off?
Sincerely,
Josh Lowry
Dear Josh,
This is toughy. Mel not absolutely sure when it okay. When mel in yard, sometime the light on and sometime the light off. Light on mostly in middle of day in yard, but at same time, light off in house. At night, outside, light off. In house, light on, until chubby-man-thing go to bed. Then light off. Lady sleep all time whether light on, off, flickering, music blasting or cat sitting on her head. When the light go off in house at night, man say "All right, pets. Time for bed." which is dumb, because bed is always there. No time for bed. So when light on in backyard mel run and run and runa nd run and bark at stupid neighbor dog. Bark bark bark. At night, light off in yard, and Mel run and run and run and bark bark bark. Not make much difference.
But Mel suspect something deeper lay at root of Josh question. So mel think and think and think and think and think and come up with nothing. So he think some more. And then he think how sad he not know and want a treat because when mel eat, mel happier. So Mel lay down and think about treat. But Mel think maybe you ask Mrs. Lowry when it okay, and if that not good, you ask Mrs. Lowry dad, because he know Don to be straight shooter. In fact, mel will forward question to Mr. Shannon Dad and tell him Josh ask and then he be very proud.
Dear Melbotis,
When is it okay to play with the lights off?
Sincerely,
Josh Lowry
Dear Josh,
This is toughy. Mel not absolutely sure when it okay. When mel in yard, sometime the light on and sometime the light off. Light on mostly in middle of day in yard, but at same time, light off in house. At night, outside, light off. In house, light on, until chubby-man-thing go to bed. Then light off. Lady sleep all time whether light on, off, flickering, music blasting or cat sitting on her head. When the light go off in house at night, man say "All right, pets. Time for bed." which is dumb, because bed is always there. No time for bed. So when light on in backyard mel run and run and runa nd run and bark at stupid neighbor dog. Bark bark bark. At night, light off in yard, and Mel run and run and run and bark bark bark. Not make much difference.
But Mel suspect something deeper lay at root of Josh question. So mel think and think and think and think and think and come up with nothing. So he think some more. And then he think how sad he not know and want a treat because when mel eat, mel happier. So Mel lay down and think about treat. But Mel think maybe you ask Mrs. Lowry when it okay, and if that not good, you ask Mrs. Lowry dad, because he know Don to be straight shooter. In fact, mel will forward question to Mr. Shannon Dad and tell him Josh ask and then he be very proud.
Molly writes:
Dear Melbotis,
Who was the nastiest villian you ever subdued?
Molly
Dear Molly,
As golden retriever, Mel tend to like everyone except stupid dog next door. Mel am genetically incapable of disliking anyone. When bad people, like small people in stroller go by, I bark bark bark, but I never get to them. Tiny people in strollers are not real people, so Mel is not liking them because they scream and poo on self. Also slightly larger small people who smell like syrup. Bleah!
Mostly I used to try to catch funny man who leave things in box in front of house, but due to fence, never got hold of him or man who steal smelly garbage.
No matter how much Mel would like to capture people, it not happen too often, but when i want revenge, i poop on carpet. If Mel had one person he could bring to justice, would be lady who take Mel temperature.
Dear Melbotis,
Who was the nastiest villian you ever subdued?
Molly
Dear Molly,
As golden retriever, Mel tend to like everyone except stupid dog next door. Mel am genetically incapable of disliking anyone. When bad people, like small people in stroller go by, I bark bark bark, but I never get to them. Tiny people in strollers are not real people, so Mel is not liking them because they scream and poo on self. Also slightly larger small people who smell like syrup. Bleah!
Mostly I used to try to catch funny man who leave things in box in front of house, but due to fence, never got hold of him or man who steal smelly garbage.
No matter how much Mel would like to capture people, it not happen too often, but when i want revenge, i poop on carpet. If Mel had one person he could bring to justice, would be lady who take Mel temperature.
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