James Bond fans, rejoice.

Sorry for the lack of posting today. I was involved with a presentation all day.

Now I am tired. I kind of want to lay down. It's been a while since I had to be around an all day presentation like this, and as exhausting as they are to sit thru, they are even less fun to set up and try to keep everyone happy.

I also absolutely cannot take credit for this link. I'm swiping it off Molly's page.

Just in time for Passover, it's Bag o' Plagues! (you know... for kids!)

Molly joins us from her current locale of Osaka, Japan to join in on the fun with latex faces. I don't know if this is better or worse.

You know, I'm a hip, open minded guy. I may not play ball the way you do, but I'm not going to criticize your game. Still, this gives me the willies. It seriously does seem like something out of a Vincent Price movie.

But, speaking of creepy, dead-looking, latex faces.... Randy sends this bit of disturbing infotainment.

dude looks like a lady. Like a dead, plasticized lady.

I'm not sure I want to know how Randy learned of this particular little corner of the blackest pits of the human psyche... but he seemed to know about it somehow. Of course, I always have a hard time explaining that I know what furries are without somehow implicating myself (I like to dress up as Ollie the Octopus).

But take a look here and feel a chill in the darkest reaches of your soul. You cannot tell me these guys aren't out realizing a Vincent Price movie in their spare time.

The new Wayans brother movie is a whole separate issue, and may spawn it's own Jim and Randy review here on this site.

Finally located where and when I linked to Beer Bong image.

I hope my July 28th, 2003 posting held no special place in anybody's heart. It's going to be altered and/ or erased.

Here is the URL for the image which apparently links to THe League, which is mucking me up.

http://www.beerisgoodforyou.com/store/images/bong.jpg

Now it's been at least five years since I even thought about writing a line of html. My last web page involved spinning lava lamps and other fun stuff. So, yeah. Anyway, if anybody has any idea what to do, let me know.

My big fear is that the image is buried deep in the bowels of the archives of this site, and after a year of blatherings, it's going to be a bear to find the image and try to eradicate it.

Your help will be rewarded with a Melly Award.

Hey, is anyone reading The League?

Sitemeter is now utterly useless due to this tool who is somehow swiping my badwidth. Somehow he's linked this image to The League or something. I'm not really clear on how that works, honestly. I'm kind of hands-off in the world of the internet. I make content, I don't administer it.

I contacted blogger.com who hosts The LEague. I said "Hey, this dillweed is somehow using my site to post pictures or something." And they said "Tough nuts. We don't resolve problems like this." Which makes me feel the money I put down for this site was probably not worth it.

Further, nobody responds to my requests anymore (maybe three or four of you) which leads me to believe readership is WAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY down. So, this is my SOS.

I repeat: ss anyone reading The League? If you are, just shoot me an e-mail from the link over there to let me know.

<---------------------------- look for E-mail Melbotis

I'd like to know who the audience is and if everyone has abandoned ship. I'm also curious to hear what you'd like to see detailed within these pages. I'm running dry, man.

I want for nothing more than to read Jim D's review of Garfield, the Movie.

There's something about the movie, the trailers, the casting... the very... I don't know. I can't put it into words, but my brain is locked in morbid fascination with Garfield the Movie. It's the same fascination which drove me to the same theater twice in the same day to see two awful movies: Dungeons & Dragons and Dracula 2000. It's how I saw "Cats & Dogs", "Pokemon: The Movie", "Man's Best Friend", "Power Rangers: The Movie", "Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course", "Street Fighter: The Movie", "Mortal Kombat: The Movie", "Cutthroat Island", "Underworld", virtually every Arnie movie, and "American Cyborg: Steel Warrior" all in the theater.

There's something about horrid, horrid movies which fires the imagination. There's something about the half-assed lack of artistry which drives me to the theater to see exactly how little the creators have done. We all have a little Ignatius J. Reilly in us, I suppose.

Randy has volunteered, and so Randy will be heard within these pages. But there's something about Jim that leads me to believe, Jim simply does not dwell in a plane of existence where Garfield, the Movie is seen by the likes of his eyes.

I am offering Jim the cost of a ticket, a soda and a tub of popcorn. I will even offer up the cost of gas for his vehicle.

I just want 500 words on Garfield the Movie. Is that too much to ask for? Is it?

I fear it is.

A foretaste of the feast to come.

As mentioned here several weeks ago, DC Editor Julie Schwartz passed away at the age of 88.

Harlan Ellison has written a great tribute to his friend, and I thought it fitting to at least link to it here.

Item # 1: Batman Begins is currently filming. It will star Christian Bale as Batman. There are also many, many other name actors among the cast (Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman, Sir Michael Caine). I've heard some basics about the script, and it sounds like it's much closer to the comics than any previous incarnations. (I like the Burton version, too, but it's similarity to anything in the comics is debatable).

Anyway, view the promo image here. It's basically the new Batsymbol, I guess. I've heard some folks say it's new, but it looks pretty much like a few different versions I've seen.

Item #2: Robert Rodriguez has shown an unprecedented dedication to his new project, Sin City. Yes, yes... I probably wouldn't be mentioning it if it weren't based upon a comic book. It's based upon Frank Miller's creator owned series Sin City, a ruthlessly aggressive noir/ crime series set in a fictional town where the lives of various crooks, thieves, assassins and crack-pots intertwine.

Rodriguez is filming in his home-base of Austin, and it sounds like he's pulling in an all-star cast here as well. Goody for him.

The big news is that he's including Frank Miller, creator of Sin City, as a Co-Director (and possibly Tarantino). Let me re-emphasize that. Frank Miller. Co-Director.

For anyone who ever read a comic, Miller is a seminal figurehead in the industry. I'd say he was the Beatles, but I think Alan Moore gets that title. He's more of the... Hendrix? I dunno. Give me a good analogy and you could win a Melly Award.

Now, in order to do this, Rodriguez has had to quit the DGA. Which is HUGE, and has very real ramifications for the rest of the union aspects of the production. Union issues are a whole separate political topic I won't bog you down with here, but suffice it to say, the unions stick together, and this whole movie could wind up being a non-Union indie. Fortunately (and most likely, by design), Rodriguez is filming in a town regularly abused for it's cheap, non-Union labor. In addition, most of the film dorks in Austin would give their left arm to work on a Rodriguez movie with the sort of talent he's bringing in (let alone, work on a movie at all), so it's not an issue of making it happen.

Read about Rodriguez's decision here.

But why go to all the trouble because of some comic guy? Why is Miller this important?

If you read comics in the 80's, 90's or now, Miller's work has been the fulcrum that moved comics from the world of kiddy entertainment to being an aggressively adult medium. Miller wrote and drew some of the most groundbreaking works in comics, and when his work is brought to the big screen, invariably, it gets turned to mush. Case in point: Last year's Daredevil took a perfectly good story and made it really, really stupid.

However, one can credit Miller with stories like Item #1 above for even occuring. Batman was still considered to be the Adam West version in the public's mind (despite the 70's work by Neal Adams), until Miller gave Batman the story he needed in the comics again with Year One and DKR. In fact, originally, the movie you see mentioned above was supposed to be an adaptation of Year One (and may yet contain elements of) written by JSA and Hawkman scribe David Goyer.

It may be you LIKE Frank Miller already... you just don't know it's Frank you like.

So it sounds like Rodriguez wants to bring in Miller's perspective for fear he might accidentally muck up the material. I, for one, am amazed and excited. The Sin City comics always had the potential to be a storyboard for the best modern crime movie never made. For folks who STILL, for whatever reason, think comics are all kiddy fare... I encourage you to check out the many, many collections of Sin City available at your local comic shop as well as at Borders and Barnes & Noble, depending on their selection.

Other Frank Miller works of note include:

Ronin - published by DC Comics
Batman: Year One - DC Comics
The Dark Knight Returns (perhaps the most important super hero comics ever) - published by DC Comics
The Dark Knight Strikes Again - DC Comics
Daredevil: Man Without Fear - Marvel
Daredevil Visionaries Vol. 1 -3 - Marvel
Daredevil: Born Again - Marvel
Sin City (there are several volumes, but each story is collected in a single volume) - Dark Horse
Elektra: Assassin - Marvel
Frank Miller's Robocop - Avatar (Frank wrote the orginal screenplay to Robocop 2, which was turned into mush by the rewrites. Steven Grant and the team at Avatar Press are turning the original script into a comic. It is decidedly more violent and paints a significantly different picture than the film of Robocop 2)
300 - Dark Horse

There are also a lot of other works I won't spotlight here. Suffice it to say, Frank's influence and reach has been vast.

If anyone knows anyone working on this movie in Austin, I will give my left nut if you can get my beat-up copy of Dark Knight Returns from 1988 signed. Seriously. Left nut.


Complete works
Fan Page
An Onion AV Club article with Miller is here.

Here's a bit of cheery news.

bad ass

Jamie, we can put one INSIDE the house, can't we?

I thought I posted this yesterday, but it must have flubbed up in the ftp.

Anyway, for the single WORST movie trailer I've seen in years, check out Garfield. One can assume the movie will suck based solely upon the fact that the PR folks insisted on putting Ray-Bans on the cartoon cat, a gag last employed with success in 1984. And how many more homages do we really need to Risky Business? Was it that much of a cultural milestone for us as a nation? I'll admit Rebecca Demornay was permananently etched in the back of my mind's eye for at least 6 weeks after seeing the movie, but was the "dancin' in my undies cause the folks are gone" scene really that seminal? To Oprah fans, I suppose it was.

Apparently the producers decided to avoid actually reading any of the strips from the past 30 years in order to make something lousier than Cats and Dogs. In the 90 seconds or so of footage, there's nothing to indicate this movie has anything to do with the actual comic strip, which, lets face it, isn't all that complicated.

I can almost pick out the folks from my office who will go see the movie and LOVE it. When I ask if it was like the newspaper strip, they will look at me quizzically, as if to say "What is this.... newspaper... of which you speak?"

Anyway, the annoyance level of the trailer far surpasses any dissonance with the strip. It just looks like an absolutely stupid movie. My apologies to the CGI folks who had to slave away over this nonsense for the past few years.

And wouldn't it have made more sense and been cuter if Odie were a cartoon, too? I can only imagine the production meeting which spawned that brain drizzle:

"Well, uh, the cat is a cartoon."
"So why does the dog have to be a cartoon?"
"Because it looks stupid having an obviously cartoon cat with a real dog looking off camera at it's trainer all the time."
"I don't see your point."
"It's going to not make sense. THe cat is a cartoon, but the dog is real."
"Right."
"Which looks... weird."
"Well, if we make the dog a cartoon, it's going to double the budget of the movie and we can't afford all the cocaine and hookers we've already put in the budget."
"Ah, screw the dog. Let's go do a speedball and green light another Hillary Duff project."
"Genius!"
"Let's go get some hookers."

Leaguers, I have to express my hearfelt disappointment in each and every one of you.

Not a single e-mail reached League HQ to wish my brother a happy birthday.

Well, you know what? He hopes all of you have TERRIBLE birthdays. Seriously. He's vindictive like that.

i gotta be honest, this is the most excited I've been about a movie's release in about a year.

This looks like the kind of stuff Justin Lincoln and I were trying to make in film school that nobody but us thought was funny.

Hurray!

It looks like the real Supergirl is going to be back in the DC Universe of Comics. As any true comic geek knows, Kara (Supergirl) was killed at the conclusion of Crisis on Infinite Earths back in 1986. For those who don't know, Crisis wiped out all previous stories of DC Comics so the company could start fresh and not worry about 50 years of history. Since then, Supergirl has enjoyed at least two major reincarnations which had little or nothing to do with the character launched in the 1950's.

Now, superstar Jeph Loeb has written Supergirl back into the comics as Kara Zor-El, Superman's cousin.

This being the world of comics, she could be a plant by a nefarious villain, but i have high-hopes that she is the real deal as existed in the comics for thirty years or so.

Hurray for the Maid of Might!

And today is not just St. Patrick's Day, it's also the 31st Birthday of my big brother, Jason. Jason Steans was born in 1973 to Rick and Karen Steans.

He's now a practicing attorney in the Austin/ Travis County area. His specialty is making sure criminals, like Martha, are put back on the street.


Jason reflects upon being 31.

I have no idea what suprises are in store for the big galoot, but I sent him a card and a present in the mail. Hopefully they will reach him before week's end.

If you wish to e-mail my brother a birthday greeting, send it here to The League, and we will happily post all birthday greetings.

E-mail address is over there
<---------------------------------------------------

Oh, yes, by all means...

Proving that Alexis will learn and grow from her mother's mistakes, and proving she understands the fragile infrastructure which is our stock market and the ramifications of the continued abuse of the kind Ms. Stewart has been convicted of, Alexis Stewart says: Everything she did is ignored over something ... trivial

Not something important, like, say, folding napkins or making tasteful wreaths for that Holiday open house.

In my post from last evening I forgot a crucial event. I am sure Jamie will bring up several more major incidents. Anyway, i forgot about Jamie's amazing transformation via jaw surgery. Jamie looks nothing like how she looked as a child, which is weird, and (when viewing old photos or videos) gives the illusion that the McBride's once had a very pretty daughter who is no longer with us.

While Jamie is even more beautiful today than she was even yesterday, nonetheless, she might, at best, pass for a cousin of herself. It makes returning to Oklahoma fun as nobody has a clue as to who the heck she is.

So, yes, i need to insert that surgery.