Baseball, steroids and congress = a tremendous waste of time

We have at least one war going on, multiple hostile nations on the brink of nuclear armament, and, depending on your political stance, a plethora of other shenanigans going on within our own government. We're running an insanely expensive war on drugs and pretty much losing hands down. Our educational system is in core meltdown, and we've got a laundry list of other massive social, economic and international problems longer than my arm and typed in 5 point font.

It's irritating enough that Michael Jackson's case is filling page after page of copy. When I heard E! was running daily re-enactments, I had planned to follow it here, but 1) it isn't funny, 2) I'm intentionally not following any of the trial.

What's really, really irritating is that today Congress actually spent time bothering to "investigate" the Major League Baseball steroid story. And even more irritating is the fact that it was THE BIG STORY of the week.

This is a problem which affects, what? Maybe a few hundred people? It's not costing anybody money, it's not killing anybody, and from what I can tell, it might actually be making baseball interesting for the first time since Roger Maris hung up his glove.

Are these guys using steroids? Are you KIDDING ME? Fifteen years ago we thought Reggie Jackson was a big guy for baseball. Now guys like Conseco look like they could tip over a Hyundai. You don't get built up like that from popping a few into the outfield during practice. And nobody ever thought Babe Ruth was slugging them over the wall thanks to his fine physique.

American sport is rife with roid freaks, and even if they AREN'T roid freaks, they're athletes who are paid millions of dollars to do nothing all day and pump their bodies until they look like 80's era Schwarzenegger. People watched football back when it was iron-man football and the players had to keep a day job to make ends meet. Roger Maris got where he got with good timing, practice and luck.

My point is this: It's only the athlete's sense of ego that drives them to feel that they shouldn't just get paid a king's wages, but that they should be able to overcome any minor limitations left to them with their tremendous physical acuity. It's not enough to play in MLB. You've got to be the most expensive guy on the field, too.

I guess the problem has been that the MLB basically wasn't going to do anything about steroid abuse among their own players, and the perception is that this is somehow influencing young people into also getting into steroids. Anyway, that's the connection I'm drawing as to why these guys are sitting up there testifying. Other than that, the logic of the whole thing sort of astounds me.

After all, it's never been suggested the MLB is providing the players with steroids. It's never been suggested that MLB did much more than organize the leagues. If, in fact, there is some evidence that MLB is somehow providing people with steroids, does anyone really believe that the commissioners are going to break down just because the government is making thems it down at a table? I'm not really clear about what, exactly, people are trying to accomplish. If Congress is really this interested in the steroid issue in pro sports (which would affect maybe 20, 000 people, I would guess?), then isn't it the job of Congress to pass laws or something? And occasionally be dicks to each other about judicial appointments? I forget.

This has nothing to do with concerns about the public health. After all, most kids aren't going to Saturday night parties and being handed a syringe of steroids. Nothing is going to come out of this other than a lot of ruined ball-players careers. Especially when the public is mostly just shrugging the whole thing off and doesn't really seem to care. But they sure seem to be willing to read about it. This is about famous people being naughty, just like that nutty Paris Hilton. So, sure, it gets loads of coverage.

And why? Because our National Pasttime isn't baseball, it's watching celebrities go down in flames.

We might feel bad that some kids in high school may have been more predisposed to suicide because of the mood swings attributed to steroids, but by the time you've finished saying "mood swings attributed to steroids may have", you've already lost 80% of your audience. We're infinitely more interested to see if Hulk look-alike Mark McGwire is going to flip out under Big Brother's unblinking gaze and start smashing furniture with steroid freak super strength.

It takes baseball all freaking season to rev up this much drama.

I'll go out on a limb and say this: I don't care if baseball players are all out there using steroids. Don't care.

If Congress is really concerned about companies providing their cash cows with performance ehnancing drugs, they might want to check out how the recording industry and film industry work sometime. Not to mention that the only reason I stay in my job is that the university keeps me knee deep in free coffee.

Some bits and pieces:

Superman in Beaumont

Jim D. called me yesterday afternoon to inform me that the screenings of Superman I & II are ON in Beaumont. So, Leaguers, set your calendars for late July 2005. It will be A Very Special League Engagement.

I can't tell you how pumped I am about this. It sincerely feels like the world's greatest Christmas present. It's not enough that I get to spread the good word of Superman out to the masses via this lousy site... now I can spread the word to the greater Beaumont area using two of the greatest flicks ever made.

Anyway, get your flights booked, out of towners, this is going to be one huge Fiesta de Superman.

I think I feel a DITMTLOD coming on in regards to Ursa.


Wha..? I'm not ready..!

Apparently Batman Begins is coming out THIS SUMMER. For some reason I have long thought this was a Christmas movie. Anyway, in honor of the Caped Crusader's impending film appearance, I hope to do a big column on The League's lengthy ties to Batman.


With karate he'll kick your ass from here to right over there...

More Twirling!

According to multiple sources, including good ol' reliable CNN, Joss Whedon of Firefly, Serenity, Buffy and Angel (all of which i've never really seen) is taking on a feature film of Wonder Woman.

Joss is a real geek, and this gives me huge hope for this flick. He's an ace in casting, if the Buffy TV show is any indication. And his take on the X-men in the Astonishing X-Men is as refreshing as Grant Morrison's, so I know he knows hwo to treat this material.

I have high hopes that this is going to be a great flick, and will have girls running about willy-nilly with silver bracelets and red-starred tiaras.


Nathan & Renata

I am losing all sense of time. This weekend Jamie made a comment about Nathan and Renata's upcoming baby being due soon, and I said, "well, they have quite a while. They didn't know anything when they were out here."

To which, Jamie said, "yeah... that was in September."

To which, I replied, "No, it was in January."

It was in September. Apparently Chandler, AZ has made me lose any sense of time or place.

When will the Cone-baby arrive? I have no idea.

***UPDATE***

I have an idea of when the baby is due! It is due today!

Take a look at the comments section.

A BIRTHDAY FOR STEANSO

Today is my brother's 32nd birthday.

Jason Ricardomontalban Steans was born this day in 1973. You can usually check in on his drunken antics over at The Adventures of Steanso. He's sort of got a drinking problem, but I've chosen to find it high-larious, since pointing out he drinks too much just leads to me getting jabbed with a broken bottle and having to visit the ER for stitches.


The Steans Bros. in happier times

He seems to have had a pretty good 31st year, and we're all pulling for him to finally kiss a girl in his 32nd year. Also, this year, we have high hopes that at least one of his clients won't do the maximum stretch in Huntsville.

Keep reaching for the stars, Big Guy!

I couldn't think of anything good to get Jason for his birthday, so I sent him a few small items which I hope he enjoys. Jamie was in on the selection, and I hope one of the items shows up in time for the Mono E recording session which may or may not be scheduled for this upcoming week. Hopefully he'll really explore the studio space with the item Jamie got him.

Anyway, happy birthday to my brother. He's not much, but he's what I've got.

LAST MINUTE REMINDER TO FOLKS IN THE AUSTIN AREA!!!!!

ASLEEP IN THE SEA IS PLAYING TONIGHT AT THE HIDEOUT ON CONGRESS!!!!

Super-Special thanks to Justin Cone for whipping up his own internal website promoting the show.

You have to read Jim D's totally bizarre-o Orwellian tale of pizza delivery.

Pics from the the new Superman Movie

In case you aren't keeping tabs on production of the new Superman film (tentatively titled "Superman Returns"), Australia based Superman Homepage is doing it's darndest. Especially as shooting is taking place IN Australia (I suspect Steve, the owner of the Superman Homepage, will be invited out at some point). It looks like shooting has begun or will begin at any moment. Check out these rad pictures of the Kent farm and even little Kal-El's ship!

Click here to go to The Superman Homepage.

The ever funktified Maxwell has posted her link to her Breast Cancer Awareness walk. Now, you too, can donate to the cause.

To read more about Maxwell's plans and why she's walking, you can read here.

We have also linked to her donation page over in the menu bar on the left.
<------------------------- So go donate, you cheap bastards. She's walking to promote breast Cancer research while you eat another ho-ho.

Also, Maxwell has asked that I participate in her meme.

My natural inclination is to, of course, pour over my CD collection and try to determine a list of five eclectic tunes not a damn one of you has ever heard. This will, of course, give me street cred as an indie rock enthusiast, and make it appear that I try really, really hard to keep up with what's good, what's new, what's in. By some extension, this should lend some suggestion to my superior intellectual capacity as some obscure, cool sounding bands and songs that only The League has the ability to enjoy will someohow suggest my street cred is bigger than yours.

Ain't going to happen.

1) part of this is asking what songs I listen to over and over. Well, if I no longer listen to an album, it's disqualified. If I can't remember the name of a song, I don't think it shoudl count. Also, I think i should only be counting songs and albums I've had in my possession for longer than most of my socks.

2) I don't get much opportunity to seek out lots of new stuff. I don't read music publications and reviews, and most of my money is spent elsewhere. I don't own an iPod or MP3 player. I don't listen to music on my computer at work (I am wayyyy too ADD for that).

3) This list is inherently flawed as, on any other day, you might get completely different answers. I might one day decide I'm loving Show Tunes, and you'd see nothing but "Cats" songs listed below.

4) Putting your own tastes out there is a dicey thing. People tend to make assumptions about all sorts of things based upon things like musical choices. If I listed nothing but Garth Brooks or George Strait songs below, I am sure it would melt many a Leaguer's fragile mind.

But this is pretty much how I'm playing it.

5) I'm going to participate anyway as this is sort of fun. I just feel the need for a huge, flashing disclaimer.

MUSICAL STATISTICS AT THE LEAGUE

What is the total amount of music files on your computer?

I have no idea. On this PC, virtually nothing. On my work laptop, I have quite a bit more, but as I don't use it to listen to music anymore, I don't think it counts. I'm old school and still stick with CD's and stereos. No convergence for this cat.

What is the last CD you bought?

I think it was Yo-Yo Ma Plays Ennio Morricone.

Yo-Yo Ma is obviously the foremost classical-style musician of our generation, and when I saw he was covering the tunes of the greatest filmic composer of all time... It was an easy decision. His cover of Cockeye's Theme from Once Upon a Time in America is better than the original, even without that nutty Zamfir.


What was the last song you listened to before reading this message?

What a Day That Was by The Talking Heads, from Stop Making Sense.


Write down five songs you often listen to, or that mean a lot to you.

Oy. This would have been easier ten years ago.

1. Since we're on Talking Heads, the obvious answer is "Burning Down the House". And while I am tempted to say "Once in a Lifetime", "Burning Down the House" never, ever, ever gets old. Oh, hell, go get the whole album and DVD.

2. When I die, and I'm finally transversing this mortal plain and I am finally able to grasp the cosmic oneness connecting all matter, energy and forces in order to overcome the boundaries of self and substance, and I am willingly scrambling my electrons into a dispersed nothingness in exchange for a chance to merge with the infinite, I will hear a single song, and it will be My Bloody Valentine's "To Here Knows When" from Loveless.

Go buy the album.

3. I will probably get in trouble if I do not mention my wedding song. Lou Reed's "Satellite of Love." We chose it as a sort of joke, but now it's "our song", God help us. Kids, once it's your wedding song, you really, really do lose any and all previous attachment you ever had to the song, because this one is it, forever and ever, amen.

Here is a pretty good Lou Reed collection.

4. Maybe "Ladytron" from Roxy Music's self-titled debut album.

5. God help me, I love "Hey Nonny, Nonny" from Why Do Birds Sing? by The Violent Femmes.

Maybe I spend too much time on teh road with too much car noise for songs by more subtle musicians, or maybe I never got over being 16 and loving this album, or something... But if you can't find something to love in this song, I feel sorry for you.

I get one pick for a stupid, great song, and man, this one is it for me.

related note: Two weeks ago I made a belated attempt to change Lucy's name to "Nonny" in the spirit of this song, but I was denied.

alternate. And to prove I have bought one new record in the past five years, I'm finding I really dig the Walkmen, and if I had to pick a tune, it's be "My Old Man" from Bows + Arrows.

I think if you'd asked me on a lazier day, I would do a bit more and go into my love of Willie Nelson, or Robert Earl, or Lyle or Patsy or Johnny Cash. Or Maybe my former Billie Holiday fixation, or David Bowie, or Stevie Wonder, Pink Floyd, or Brian Eno or Elvis or whatever... And I really wish I had time for all of them, but today this is what is coming to mind. Today this is about songs you never get tired of hearing.


Who are you going to pass this stick to (three persons) and why?

I will stick the obvious three with this.

1) Jason, because he actually really loves music, and I await his comments and criticism. And even more, I await Reed chiming in.

2) Jim, because I'd like to see him post something on his website at least once a month. And Jim has wicked good taste in music.

3) RHPT, because who knows what musical evilness lurks in the heart of Randy?

alternate) in case Jim can't come out and play, the alternate is, of course, Mrs. League, who shares my record collection, but who has very much her own mind on what is and should be The Rock 'n Roll.

Mrs. League again.

"FRODO...of the NINE fingers!"

(Shiny gold star if you get this reference)

Mrs. League here.

This will make the League very happy. After two years of annoyed avoidance of my unhealthy addiction to 'American Idol', the League has taken to actually following this season's offering of young hopefuls. In fact, last week after the men performed in the semi-finals, he picked up the phone and dialed with the explanation, "I gotta vote for my dudes."

The League's 'dudes' include Anwar Robinson and Nikko Smith.

In a sad turn of events, dude Nikko was voted off last week and did not make the final 12 (Incidentally, for you baseball fans, Nikko is the son of MLB player Ozzie Smith). However, in true American Idol style, one of the final 12 contestants (Mario) decided to leave the competition due to personal reasons. To fill Mario's place, the powers that be have invited Nikko BACK to be part of the final 12.

YAY NIKKO!

In other news, savetoby.com is both brilliant and disturbing.

TOYS THAT SHOULD NOT BE
or
An Action Figure for Jim

It's hard to imagine film enthusiast/ lawyer Jim D. getting super excited about a toy. But I think I finally found one suitable for the sort of miniature-scale role-playing Jim could really enjoy.

From Sideshow Collectibles' Fife and Drum line of toys comes General George Washington.


Unable to tell a lie, George admits to 30 points of articulation.

Yes, it warms the cockles of my withered heart to imagine Jim splashing in the tub, re-enacting the crossing of the Delaware with a bottle of shampoo and his General Washington doll.

For full details, more photos and some ordering information, you can go here.

VOTE FOR PEDRO

Not much to report other than my total resentment of Jim's mischaracterization of me as one who would "vote for Summer." If anyone would ever vote for Pedro, surely, it was The League. Alas, KOHS didn't offer much in the way of Pedro's to vote for. But, as I noted to Jim, in high school I mostly voted for Laura Palmer.

I moved high schools and cities between 9th and 10th grade and fell into a position in high school in which I knew absolutely nobody for about a year. In fact, it seems that the only people I knew were in my biology class, of which contained one Madi Q. Hinojosa.

Nonetheless, mere weeks after school began, we were asked to vote on our homecoming court and numerous other items I had neither the knowledge nor the wherewithal to answer. And unlike the school I'd come from, people at this new school seemed to be taking all of this deadly seriously. The election was pretty traditional, and was NOT for President (as that took place in the Spring). But it all seemed to serious. They actually took us out of class for the election. I won't even get into the attempt at a "recall vote" for our Homecoming Court my senior year.

So I voted for Laura Palmer.

I voted for Laura Palmer as often as I could for the next few years, any time there was a fill-in the blank, or nominate your choice of candidates. Sure, Laura was dead. Sure, she was wrapped in plastic. But at least I knew who she was, and I had an inkling of what I could expect from her.


It's always important to vote for the candidate who has the most to offer...

I don't really remember much about elections except that a fellow drama-kid, Abby, ran. And she was more or less a Summer. Abby asked me to help out with her campaign in exchnage for her dad's roller-skates. As I couldn't apparently avoid being part of the process, I was very excited to be part of the problem.

I agreed to run about during her speech and hand-out "Abby Dollars". This was our high concept. False bribery. So, during the speech I attempted a back flip, which turns out to be a lot more difficult than you'd think, even if you really, really believe in yourself.

Abby won, but I couldn't tell you why. She gave exactly the same speech as the girl who came after her. She made the same irresponsible pledges and the same asinine observations as Candidate B. Maybe Abby was taller. I don't know. I don't think the Abby Dollars did it, and The League's failed acrobatics mostly just illicted a collective empathetic inhalation as The League struck the gym floor.

I didn't vote for Abby, but I didn't vote for Laura Palmer, either. The election was performed on scantron sheets. I don't recall voting at all.

I never did get those roller-skates.

Here is the official KOHS web-page for my class. It is a list of people who got elected for things. I think, you know, in another twenty years, we're all going to be so proud we took time to think, I mean... really, really think about who had the best hair.

Enough.

Anyway, we didn't do much this weekend as we needed to clean the house, get oil changes, take Jamie to the eye doctor, blah, blah, blah. Ryan and Trisha came over and brought young Isaac, who is mostly a set of eyes and 19 pounds of rock and roll. That kid is going places. I can already tell.

Meanwhile, Lucy continues to grow at an alarming rate. She's getting bigger, and she's getting used to our routine, to some extent. I am trying to teach her to "sit." It started today. I press down on her butt until she sits, then I say "Sit!", I give her a treat, and then I give her a tiny hug. Then we do it all over again. I strongly suspect she has no idea what is happening.

Mel and Lucy's relationship continues to evolve. Today I watched her run up to him while he was lying in the grass. About two feet before she reached him, she went airborne and planted herself flatly in his face. Shortly afterward, Mel rolled on his side, picked her up in his paws, flipped her all the way over and body slammed her. I need a chart to demonstrate how this happened, but I assure you, it did happen.

Our place here at the end of civilization is now becoming suburbia.

The cows moved sometime in the last week. Our cows are gone, vanished without so much as an adios. While I will miss being able to see a herd of dairy cows at any time, I will not miss the stench of cows becoming so powerful that I think I am going to throw up if I want to walk the dog in the morning. I do not know what became of our cows. They have moved on to greener pastures.

This, and in what was a sprawl of desert between us and Tucson now has a Target, a Subway and a Dress Barn. While all of these things are assuredly depressing to be surrounded by and to get excited by, it's no longer bleak nothingness as far as the eye can see. And that's got to count for something.

So, quick informal discussion question.

Magneto: Republican, Democrat, Green Party, LaRouche Democrat, Bull Moose or Libertarian?


So Ally McBeal WAS underrated...!

FRIENDS OF THE LEAGUE AT SXSW

The League isn't going to be in Austin next week, but some of his chums are.

Here's a League checklist of events:

1) Phoenix based "Asleep in the Sea"

This is the band of my employee, Tom. Tom will be rocking the house.

Wednesday, March 16th at 10:00pm at THE HIDEOUT


2) Austin based "Milton Mapes".

One of the guys in Milton mapes married Mel's mother, Jenny. Anyways, it's a chance to see Jenny Perkins, right? Milton Mapes is actually very good. Go see them.

BIGSBY'S, Thursday March 17th.

3) on Sunday March 13th (4:00) and Tuesday March 15th (9:00) at The Hideout, some films Juan Diaz worked on will be shown.

"Playdate" and "Engineering Diversity". Go support Juan, you bastards.

Arden is already on his way to rock star status.

Awesome new career opportunity for The League:

I can't stress enough the importance of spell-check when you're setting up your fake company to try to bilk people out of their money.

Dear Sir / Madam ,

We would like to offer you a colaborator job at our company.

If you can take the time and read this offer please do so. We are a almost recent company based on E-commerce , mostly E-trade services , due to recent E-trade development all over the globe , companies like ours have become necesary for a safe and stress free trade over the WWW ( World Wide Web ). Our mission is to make sure that different transactions , between U.S. and European E-buyers and/or E-sellers , are on a safe spot. We propose to do this thru our "net" of colaborators that each have there own role in our clients transactions.

You are receiving this email from the Development Team of Colaborators Incorporated , this teams role is to hire new colaborators , expanding our colaborator network and taking care of their training.Another important job of the Development Team is to check our future colaborators and to constantly improve our means of hiring and verifying any appliers for the post of colaborator. For the moment our Development Team has created a expanding plan that includes 150 more work places as a colaborator in the U.S. and a 200 more work places as a colaborator in Europe. We will seriously consider any applier for this job due to the high amount of persons needed to fill the 150 places.

So , as a bottom line , if you are interested in making a pretty good profit per month , check our website at www.colabaratorsincorporated.com and see if you find yourself apropriate for this job.

Job Description :You will receive a job larger description if you choose to contact us. As a small description , the job requierements are too have or create a PayPal account, be at least 21 years old, and have the ability to connect to the internet at least 1 hour per day.

The colaborator team that founded this company back in 2003 had 10 people on board, since then the company grew 20 times larger and has successfully closed more than 100.000 transactions world wide.So , if you wish to join this great team please do not esithate.The salary is not fixed , you will receive a percent of each transaction that will be made through you.Job Requirements:Of course , as any job , this job has some requirements , not as many as other job , but still necesary in order to be hired by our company.

Here is the list of requirements:
1. Have a PayPal account and/or be able to create one.
2. To be at least 21 years old.
3. No criminal record.
4. To be able to connect to the internet at least 1 hour per day.

So , if you consider you fulfil the above requierements ,visit our website : www.colabaratorsincorporated.com and apply for this job today.

Thank you for your patience and God bless you.

Colaborators Incorporated ,Development Team Manager ,Karen F Campbell .
Colaborators Incorporated © March 2005

Getting motivated with Spidey!

Marvel is no slouch of a company, and just like DC, they are not shy about plastering the face of Wolverine, the Hulk and Daredevil on just about any item you can imagine.

One sort of good idea is the new line of Marvel motivational posters (for kids, I assume).

These are real. You can check them out here.

Apparently someone in the licensing department flat out either never read a Punisher comic or has a somewhat skewed concept of motivation. Marvel has cancelled orders for the Punisher motivational poster. I am not making this up.

While we're on the subject, it might be pointed out to the higher-ups at Marvel that Wolverine, while universally popular, is pretty much a dude with a few knives who stabs people a lot. I mean, A LOT. More than occasionally, he kills whole castles full of ninjas. I'm just saying, is all...

And isn't Magneto a ruthless villain who kills lots of people...? Marvel's motivational posters are rife with moral ambiguity.

And, hey... isn't that Elektra: Assassin here to spread some motivational sunshine? What? What's that you have to say on "Excellence"?

"Excellence is reserved for those who, even when they fail, do so by doing greatly, so that their place shall never be among those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."


If you are considering raising your child in some sort of Ubermensch fantasy environment, Marvel has your tool kit.

Elektra's message is sort of like, "Try your best", with a twist of "Or your soul shall be condemned to the land of wind and ghosts..."

I tell you what. If I'd had this poster in elementary school, I certainly would have tried harder in the Spelling-Bee.

In the handy world of Photoshop, these are completely made-up. Unfortunately, these posters are probably only funny to geeks.

This is funny, but if you read it, you will go to hell. I am sorry. It's true.

So if you're looking for everlasting peace, do not click on this link.

Thanks to Doug, who is pretty much in trouble, for the link.

For some reason, this made me think of Nathan Cone.

Thanks to Jamie for the link.

BTW, even after 5 years of marriage, you can still learn new things about your spouse.

Jamie is a huge fan of The Karate Kid.

Prior to Friday night, we had never sat down and watched the movie together, but Friday it was on when I was flipping channels before eating dinner, and Jamie began talking about upcoming scenes, began spitting out lines before they were delivered... in general, she did all the things you do only when you've seen a movie 2 dozen times.

I had not seen The Karate Kid from beginning to end in probably 19 years, but at some dark point in her life, Jamie was apparently watching this movie over and over and over.

Who knows what other secrets lurk in Jamie's shrouded past?

The League has... THE ACTOR'S NIGHTMARE

Back in the halcyon days of High School, I was a drama kid. And during that time, I frequently had Actor's Nightmare. Actor's Nightmare is an anxiety dream that manifests itself in the form of a play that you suddenly must perform in, but you don't know the script, you don't know the blocking, you don't know your lines, but, by gum, you've got to go onstage or the whole show falls apart... and, invariably in my place, it's a musical and I don't know the lyrics or choreography.

For some reason my Actor's Nightmare is ALWAYS a musical. I am sure this has some meaning.

Last night I dreamt Rob Eigenbrod (a name which will mean something only to Maxwell) coerced me into playing a Director in some dinner-theater performance of a modern-dress Phantom of the Opera, a musical which I have not seen. Previous musical outings I have not seen but had to perform in during my Actor's Nightmare include South Pacific.

I don't usually fall in for much in the way of dream symbology, but why Phatom of the Opera? Why a director? Why Rob Eigenbrod? Why WHY WHYWHYWHY???!!!!!!

You probably haven't looked to notice, but you can't buy a comic book at the 7-11 anymore. Or at the Walgreens, or at grocery store.

I didn't START buying comics at comic shops, and I am sure that if you ask any comic fan cooling their heals in their late twenties or older, you'll find the same is true. We all started buying comics off newsracks in locations to which we had access.

I distinctly recall buying Uncanny X-Men #210 at the Chicago airport. I picked up #212 at Piggly Wiggly within biking distance of the old homestead. Each store and shop you went in to had a news stand of some sort, and I scoured the covers of the bent comics to see if anything struck my fancy.

I picked up Teen Titans this way, Transformers, Batman (I confess to not getting turned on to Superman until very late high school and early college, and then it was the movies, cartoons and Justice League comics). I recall a family road trip which took over a month during which the Death of Kraven storyline was criss-crossing over multiple Spider-Man titles. Each gas station, bookstore, etc... I was busily seeking out each issue, trying to keep up with a haunting, creepy story.

Every single trip to Skaggs Alpha-Beta was punctuated with my quick dash to check out the comics while my mom was in the check out line. The goal was to grab a new one, quick, before they finished tallying the groceries.

And we knew about Austin Books, down on North Lamar. It's still there, cleaned up, now a massive example of what a comic shop SHOULD be. But then it was a dingy hole of a shop, a place the mothers would drop us off and let us go root through long boxes in our endless search for back of X-Men and Batman.

But you had to ask for a ride to the shop, you know? It was way down on Lamar, and my mother (ever willing to humor her two geeky kids) was still only willing to go down there once every few months.

In the mid-90's, the business model changed. 1) Diamond Comic Distributors became a monopolistic titan, the only way comic companies (large and small) could get their comics out to market. 2) Someone on the magazine racks figured out that they could make more money selling a $7.00 copy of Maxim than a $2.00 copy of X-Men.

Comics also decided that, if they were to be taken seriously, they must abandon the news stands and be available only in bookstores, like respectable books, or in comic shops, like, uhmmm... Well, it was a place to go buy comics where the clerk wouldn't raise her eyebrows as your comic passed over the electric eye. "Aren't you a little old for the funny books, sweetie?"

The chilling effect on the comic book industry has been staggering.

Essentially, a generation of kids was told they were not welcome to get involved. Comics were a commodity available only in specialized shops, usually off the beaten path, and certainly not a place your average mom or dad was already travelling to pick up a newspaper and a Slurpee. And believe me, I've seen the horrified looks of the mothers when they walk into the shops... they eye the pictures of the mostly naked warrior girls, with ridiculous proportions, and why, exactly, would a mother think leaving her kid alone with cartoon porn seem like a good idea..?

Simply put, readers are drifting, and no new readers are replacing them. At one point, Action Comics sold around a million copies each time it published. The numbers today are around 36,000 each issue. That's horrible. That isn't the sign of a healthy industry which can sustain itself. Make fun of the Silver-Age all you want, but back then they were selling the heck out of comics at drug stores and news stands.

With movies like Spider-Man out there, and Spider-Man selling t-shirts, underwear, costumes, video games and every conceivable outlet for the Spider-Man logo... why weren't the publishers making sure the original product was at eye level for 8 year olds to pick up? Flooding the comic shops is selling to the choir. Hoping people who already love Spider-man will pick up Spider-Man is redundant.

But Marvel is learning. Marvel, who had led the charge at the turn of the millenium to ensure comics were an ADULT medium and drove teh market mostly into direct market resale, is now taking a step back in the face of ever dwindling sales. Marvel is going into Barnes and Noble, and Marvel is going into 7-11's all over again.

And while even your standard faire of Batman and the X-Men might need to drop a few profanities to make the world safe from over-anxious mothers again, it's fantastic for the industry as a whole.

Regarding the usual screams of disapproval from loser fanboys trying to ensure comics are only for them and not for kids... As always, Heidi says it all better than me...

According to Newsarama, the Marvel Adventures line will spearhead the move into the 7-11s. The line, aimed at younger readers, is not popular with comic book fans. Nor should it be -- it isn't aimed at them. The Millarworld thread I alluded to in a previous entry was largely given over to the usual argument over whether kids will read these books, whether kids read comics, etc etc etc. To which I can only say...

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, WILL YOU PEOPLE GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS?


So, start looking for comics as they pop up in magazine racks once again. Look for them at the grocery and at the airport. Hopefully DC and other companies will follow suit and the fate of comics will be taken out of the hands of fate as created by us geeks and put back into the world of kids discovering them for the first time.