Sunday, August 07, 2005

The League Presents:
The League taste-tests the new BK Chicken Fries

Chickens. Small barnyard birds we like to consume by the bucketfull.

We grill them, we broil them, we fry them up. McDonalds took the lead in chicken reprocessing with the introduction of the chicken nugget way back in the day. Other fast food chains have tried to keep up, all with middling success.

But Burger King has taken it up a notch. Enjoy french fries? Enjoy chicken? Why not enjoy both in one greasy little package?

Perhaps you've seen the BK adds with the chicken-themed metal band, KoqRoq? Well, I'm a bitch for good advertising, and so off to the BK voyaged The League.

Oh, a forwarning. I do not have mouth herpies. I had a weird zit near my lip today and it shows a lot more in these photos than in natural light.

Here is our meal. You can see 2 drinks, 2 sets of regular french fries, 2 burgers and 1 box of BK Chicken Fries. We're anticipating not liking the chiken fries, but we don't think that means we should go hungry.

Here is a box of chicken fries. On the off-chance they're really, really good, we spent a few extra cents and got 9 fries instead of 6.

Not a good sign. You can pretty clearly see the grease lining the box. The fries are smaller than I expected.

In the spirit of the Pepsi Holiday challenge, we tried to pose Jeff near the chicken fries. Jeff refused to recognize the fries as food. True, he doesn't care much for people food as a rule, but when it's deep fried beyond recognition, Jeff would rather play with the straws on the cups.

Jamie steps up to the plate to model the fries and give you a size comparison.

One must always first smell the new food item to get the taste buds ready for that which you are about to consume. The box does little to mask the odor which has been tailing us since we grabbed the bag at the drive-thru.

Free of the box, the fries' pungent smell assaults the senses. Not as bad as I'd assumed.

The chicken fries aren't as bad as I'd assumed at first. It's an odd blend of fast-food chicken, french fries and grease. It's tempting to add salt, but I'd be afraid that the chicken fries would dissolve like slugs.

The texture is sort of mushy. Not melt in your mouth mushy like french fries. You certainly do need to chew. Ah, delicious.

The sauce. The name of the sauce is "Buffalo Sauce". Jeff, once again, is completely uninterested.

The color is frightening, as if plucked right from the palettes of hell. The smell isn't anything to get excited about, either.

The smell is really getting to me. Every fiber of my being tells me not to taste this sauce.

My fiber is right. The sauce is inedible. There's some vague sense that it was supposed to be wing sauce, and one is left wondering "why"? The fries have not the taste, texture or feeling of wings, and there's no beer in sight. The buffalo sauce is a false promise made all the more foul by tasting like special sauce with sick in it.

And so endeth my experience with the sauce.

Once again, Jamie steps up to the plate.

Jamie has a very, very different reaction to the fries.

Jamie chooses a different lunch.

Bwah ha ha. the fries are mine and mine alone.

Full disclosure, with a whooper w/ cheese and chicken fries both available, I opted for the whopper. I would think that would tell you something. Also, the fries found their way into the trashcan right behind the sauce. Once the fries cooled down, they just weren't as palatable.

The League votes the chicken fries experience a 3 or 4 out of a 10 on the fast food scale. Oh, and a complete abomination to all of chicken kind.

No comments: